Looking For Sleep

It's 61° outside and I'm sitting inside the house too tired to get dressed and go out do something really fun and memorable for this holiday weekend. Once again I do not know what's happening to me but thrashing and crashing all through the night trying to chase down any moments of sleep I can get my hands on. Really I was hoping I had all this under control when I went into the position last week and got some medication to knock out what looks to be a bladder infection. I had a major infection couple weeks ago or maybe months ago maybe just a month ago bottom line the UTIs are becoming way too frequent. I'm going to have to see if I can get the.to develop some sort of medicinal prophylactic that will focus contact these reoccurring UTIs. And I don't even know if that were to be done if they would help me at all with my sleep. I don't know if they would help with the sleep. I began to think my spasticity is getting worse to the point it's keeping me up most of the night. I thrash and crash all my long. I'm really amazed that Dianne puts up with me because I really am having an impact on her sleep time. I really have to be honest too, I'm getting kind of scared with the spasms. I have one spasm that's pretty intermittent but when it comes to killer. Thanks it pulls me up to a ball told me there I can't breathe hardly very small puffs of breath I can get it lasts anywhere from I think 30 seconds to a minute and eventually loosens up and lets me get back to trying to sleep but this terrifying are becoming more and more terrifying. So I lay in bed and feel the spasms come on and I'm just scared that the next second of ball up and not be able to unwind. I thought perhaps if I increased by baclofen this would take care of the problem but it does not seem to. It did at first I sensed that that was short-lived. I'm just afraid if I keep bringing this up to my dock to order me in for a sleep study or something and I don't want to do that but I don't want to live in fear either so just to have to see what to do.

Thanksgiving was pretty low-key this year, however I believe we had a good time at least I did and it looks like Dianne did to. We actually cleaned off the dining room table and put together a complete Thanksgiving dinner. We did the shopping on Wednesday Pretty traditional turkey vegetables potato chips Sweet potatoes living outside we needed. And yesterday we just put together the meal sat down around six o'clock and chow down. We had a bottle of wine which kind of amazed me. We stayed up pretty late I went to bed probably around 11:30 PM really thought I was going to do okay but no I struggled through the night woke up around 315 and never really got back to sleep.

I'm getting sleep deprived to the point where I'm recognizing some behaviors I had when I was working full-time sleeping very little. That thing where your doing something that also find yourself asleep. Even to dictating this post I find myself doing that. I close my eyes also I'm in this mini dream state.

Keep an eye on this for the next couple days and see what happens I would sure hate to see this issue I am having wrecked my holiday season anymore than it already has. So let's keep my fingers crossed

Mirror Mirror

Snowfield during the night the long-awaited low pressure system finally wandered in to the Wasatch front. It's not a lot of snow, really just a skiff, but enough snow to make you realize calendar or not winter is hereand lives must be planned accordingly. So with that in mind I turned up the heat in my computer room and have put off getting dressed till after lunch. This is the time a year I must be careful will actually being nude in this neighborhood I always need to be careful, but anyway I hang out naked as long as I can, getting dressed only as a last resort to a day of socialization.

If I sound excited is because I am, I finally got a full-size mirror for the computer room which am little by little turning into my workout or in-house gymnasium. I have one of the mirror to give me an idea of my size especially when I am working out. Last week Dianne actually cleaned out a portion of the computer room and moved by rickshaw into the room. So now I do not have to go out to the garage after I finish my hand bike workout. We tried to get in the Marcy, multi station gymnasium, but there is just not the room so my Marcy will have to stay out the garage for the time being. I have the Marcy set up so I can use it for rows and presses two physical workouts I would love to access on a regular basis. It is just not possible now.

Friday afternoon Dianne and I were at Lowe's checking some materials out when I looked for mirrors it took a minute I found some great pieces of mirror that would work perfectly for my needs it was priced well within the range I could absorb. So we got it. The mayor's heavy and it's big and very awkward to handle. We were fortunate but recalled Bridget that should be able to assist us in installing the mirror. We were very excited when we heard that Bridget to come over Saturday and help us do the installation. This something I left to the women to work out since I know I have no skills in this area even if I had my hands. I was so impressed to see that workout the whole installation process then do it.I would like to say the installation process was straightforward and without issue but that would not be true. The fasteners we purchased were okay but we had some issues with their installations. So between Dianne and Bridget they found the items they needed to install the mirror perfect as far as I'm concerned.

I have the mirror placed on the opposite wall of my rickshaw so I'll be able to see myself working out when I do the rickshaw. This will be very helpful to me particularly as a gauge to see if whether or not I'm losing weight since that is what is important to me at this juncture. I need to lose pounds. I need to be able to get back to doing my ADLs with less stress and I think this mirror will help in that process if not it's just fun to be able look at myself working out… This is the height of narcissism?

Blogs and Journals

We are currently in the middle of converting what used to be the computer room into the computer room plus workout equipment room or our Mini gym. You might remember me going on on about this a few months ago when I ordered my Saratoga Silver hand workout system. My goal then was to change the room. Last week when Bridget was over she helped me clean my desk and I think that's what got things going. Yesterday while I was at my volunteer position Dianne began making giant inroads on the room conversion. She took the giant close rack down to the bedroom and actually moved my rickshaw into the computer room! She even tried to bring in the little universal gym I purchased from Big five last summer. Alas there was not room for the mini-gym. I guess if I use the gym it will be out in the garage which is doable I appreciate that Dianne has taken such an interest in the room conversion. I feel the gym is ask a coming together. But that is not what this posting is about. The other day when Bridget was here helping me clean my area she noticed that I had a stack of day timers and actual journals that I've kept over the years. I wish I had been faithful to always kept a journal but I have not so journals seem to be a bit hit and miss but they're there in all their chaos. I jokingly told Bridget that at least it would be fodder for some history major/grad student the way through and write an impartial history from. It was that moment when Bridget was confused asking or is that not what the blog is all about? It I told her it is not.

A blog to me is sort of like journal lite. The posts are written to be entertaining, seems to me. It's a published document even if only on the Internet. It is meant to be read by many people usually, hopefully which I don't think is the same as a journal. To me, a journal is a document usually written just for me where I document goings-on of my day there may not be personal, confidential or for the public. Many journals asked to come with locking key to keep prying eyes out, a journal is information just for the writer of the document. A journal is that piece of information which remain after the writer has passed, left to the world, for the world to figure out. I have journals scattered round the house from Hell to breakfast and who knows where else. I have even started keeping an on line Journal I have been using with Note Pad-I am now toying with the idea of downloading the document at the conclusion of each month and placing it into a binder a master document. I also little by little want to put the other Journals on disk with my end hope being able to leave set to each of my descendents to let them do ith as they well.

Monday with the Grans

I don't know what the problem is I've been trying to write a new post to this blog for at least three days now. I just can't seem to get the posting out. Seriously, I should be knocking these posts off like ffalling off a log. It might be I've gotten addicted to dictation and am finding it too difficult I'm self-conscious to dictate when someone else is in the room. In fact I had typed the last posting I believe on Saturday. So I'll have to get over it, posting is important to me, whether I dictate or type or just write.

So today, I didn't have anything outstanding to write about except to relate how the day is progressing. Its Monday and the last couple of weeks since summer Dianne I have been meeting Bridget and Asher for breakfast. In the summer if Anakah was available, she would join us to. We went to Left Fork, Village Van and today went to Salt Lake City's Astro Burger, a local restaurant which is cloned itself off

another quite successful local restaurant which produces great abundant low-cost breakfasts in the morning and the rest of the day astounding faster. Astro and the other restaurants similar to Astro are aimed at university students and the working population. Granted, the food is fried and often heavy and cholesterol i.e. ham bacon fried eggs but the taste is marvelous and the atmosphere warm and if you're fortunate enough to get hard-working waitress someone to keep your coffee plentiful and hot. There's enough movement and interesting people at these breakfast eateries to offer enough stimulation to a three-year-old. The help are always delighted and impressed with Asher and his great abilities to order for himself and his level of politeness. When we first began these outings we often did something else after breakfast like go to downtown mall , Liberty Park or even a train ride on the light rail. Then Asher begin to want to just go to me and grandma's house just work in the garage, in the yard or garden and then walk around the neighbor. If there were days we did not go to breakfast we would walk is a group of the State Street in one of the fast food joints up there usually KFC or McDonald's across the street. Whether now is taken a turn for the cold. Though it may not be challenging for three-year-old, all bundled up to want to go out and walk in the cold and attack giant piles of leaves the being out in theelements is hard for the senior adults. So, now eveyone troupes back to the house. Asher quickly sequesters grandma leaving Bridget and I defend ourselves. Today, Bridget was good enough to assist me in the cleaning of my desk area task I have had a difficult time confronting. We did a thorough, Bridget work through a good 6 inche pile of clutter on the top of the desk and we even cleaned out a number of drawers. This is something that's impossible for me to do but with the help of Bridge be made giant progress. I just can't tell the reader how much this helps me in my room. If we can keep the momentum going have a couple more areas in my room that need attention. I just hope I don't burn the girl out.

This is life after retirement, without the daily stimulation of train rides, phone calls of the office and the stress of day-to-day employment finding things to write about seems challenging to me. I just have to soldier on and write what happens one day at a time

This was all I could see of the grave side service since everyone stood in front of me. The sailor was part of the honor guard..

I buried my friend Al this week—well, I did not bury him I went to the funeral, so I was part of the group who attended and as part of the collective—WE all buried good old Al. I am still trying to process the event and I am really trying to keep civil about the whole thing, especially since I think that is what Al would want or have wanted. Again for the most part the events of the day were OK and I think would have been what my friend wanted.

Al and his wife be long to the dominate religious culture in the Murray area, LDS and that is OK there are many benefits to belonging to such an outfit mainly not having to rent any type of hall have hoe downs like funerals, quite a substantial savings hat is why I was so impressed when I heard that Al's send off was going to be at the chapel at the mortuary which prepared the body. Cool,the more I thought I though yes, that is exactly what Al would have wanted since he did not really participate in any of the ward activities. How ever the couple did receive the ward representatives who visit on a monthly basis just to make sure all was well an to deliver some religious instruction. Actually Al and his wife are too nice to refuse these folks form coming over monthly. So they came over and when Al passed they kicked into high gear and did give support to Lanae in her time of need. Luckily for Lanae that have a most supportive family helped to keep the mormon neighbors away. Still they needed or felt they needed someone to say the words and they did what the felt natural was to turn to their benevolent home teachers. The one in particular had been in the position for over twenty years. The home teacher did an OK job . He got off on a religious tangent hijacking the whole ceremony for atleast half an hour. Eventually he rested and the everyone mounted up for the ride to the cemetery.

The day of the funeral was cold day, just family an a few others made it to the grave side. Al was military, he served in WWII—he was buried with full military honors,which I doubt was his idea. Al has always felt guilty for not seeing combat. He felt he should not get benefits from the VA even though he was part a PBY5a crew which was active all through the war. I know someone else arranged the military detail. I am glad he got it-He deserved so much more.

Dianne and I were honored when Lanae as us to join the family in the traditional post funeral meal. The ladies of the ward put together a rather spectacular hotmeal. There were about thirty others at the meal in the cultural hall. We were impressed with how many neighbors were in attendance and how many knew us be we did no really know them. It was kinda cute,members of Al's family seemed to take turns and came over and sat at our table so we would not have to sit by our selves.

Even though had some issues with some of the events of the day, over all I think Al would have been happy and in the end being happy is all one can ask for.

Because A Writer Writes

I have forever seen myself a writer,I would have been a great even a good writer but I cannot claim an honor as great as that but I continue to try to write. I will never be a real writer, a writer of stories or books, like Stephen King, I do not have the patience or commitment which is too bad. I have something to say I just can't do it. I have tried and tried. I have landed on the blog thing which lets me write and even publish as much as I want whenever I want. I have over a thousand posts actually almost two thousand. Each post usually 500 words or more,a couple have been less, but I have shot for at least 500 his proves to me I could write books and I probably have in another world or reality.

Then a number of years ago I committed to writing my mom and a very good friend a letter every week. Mom and Mack had just been placed into nursing homes and I wanted them to have something to look forward to and more then that to know they were not forgotten. I wrote faithfully until each died and about that time son, Mark went on his mission, then my nephew left for his mission—these two I wrote monthly. The only senior I am now writing monthly is my mother-in-law, who still lives independently in Louisiana.

Then a couple of years ago I discovered I had grandchildren who were learning to read and a light went on, write the grand-kids monthly and their mother, my daughter, each grand daughter getting their own envelope and letter. A few months ago two of my older granddaughters were called on missions and now I am writing to them. I try to get these letters out the first week of the month. Sometimes I fail but I get the letters out eventually.

I went into these projects with no expectation of getting any kind of recognition or expectation of getting any letters in return. It would be nice but that was not my reason. I wanted to make a link with my grand kids who are not close to me. I want to write and have these kids understand the mechanics of the postal service and having people care for them long distance. And lately I have started getting letters, real letters for the little girls and now the missionaries, all letters are adorable and welcome and head for the refrigerator.

So I am not a great writer. I have written a play or two, one novel the manuscript was lost in a divorce battle and now I blog and write letters many many letters, but I write. I try to write something daily because a writer writes.

so Long Buddy

My heart is heavy as work through the loss of my next door neighbor,Albert. Albert died a couple of days ago—expected but not expected. Actually, Al died twice last summer when he had a vehicular accident assaulted by the deployment of the airbag of his vehicle. Truly, I was amazed at how well he came out of the accident.

I've been racking my brain all weekend just trying to remember how I started visiting with my next-door neighbor. We have been neighbors now for about 21 years we moved into this house every weekend we got married two decades ago. Al livee next door along with his wife,Lanae. So Al would been in his late 60s at that point. I think he was still employed. I doubt we had much communication at that point, just neighbors passing in life. There were cookies at Christmas and little by little we got to know each other. I think it had something to do when I started going into my woodworking phase, when I began making sticks. Albert, is a constant woodwork he has a little shop in the back of his garage and I often heard him in his shop sawing wood. I started going over to Al's house to have him rip wood and to ask questions or ask advice. Then I started going over to Albert's just to visit with Al. It was kind of weird because Albert had three kids, one of which is exactly my age. This guy could be my dad. We linked up some how and we would talk for hours out on the back step of his house. We could really talk during the summer spring and fall rarely did we talk during the winter. Alberts house was not wheelchair accessible except for a very steep down to the basement of his home. There were a couple times that we used that way but Al had to hold on to my chair to easily down the ramp safely.

Albert turned 90 last week. I wished I could've gone over and wished Albert happy birthday in his own home but I could not. I did go over and gave him a hook that I had manufactured. He took it and I could see it wasn't sure what he would use it for but I just encouraged Albert to use it if you want to. Did comment on how nice and smooth the piece was but I knew he was just being kind. His work is so much better than mine.

I'm surprised at how Albert's passing is affecting me. I truly am in some form of mourning. I'm actually going to that phase of wanting to go over and knock on his back door to tell him something that have to remind myself that he is no longer with us. Albert was shy I think I had to drag our friendship out of him but it was truly worth it. I think Albert was amazed at me in my life as a person of the disability. He was amazed at me being a disabled state worker and the information I had at my disposal. He asked all kinds of questions which I answered to the best of my ability. I think I was his best option at answering questions about a world he no longer understood. I loved this guy, I totally admired him and how he lived his life. I just hope in our short 20 years that I gave him as much as he gave me.

When Temperatures Drop

The temperature finally significantly dropped along the Wasatch front bringing to the end of a more beautiful Indian summer. Last night we had clouds and rain there was even talk of snow and mountains possibly even coming down to the valley floor this morning but to my knowledge that did not happen. However temperatures preceding this low-pressure system of cold air was in the 70s. In mid-July I began moving my wood shop out onto the driveway of my garage. I don't know what instigated the Epiphany that even though I could not use my garage I could use my tools outside the garage and get back to making my hooks.

I keep my tools outside now on the driveway next to the garage door. The tools I have out on the driveway include attendance power tablesaw, one craftsman belt sander, the belt sander is pretty heavy takes and it takes nearly all my strength to move it from one place to another. When not in use I keep the belt sander hidden behind one of my big black garbage cans and pretty much the same I do with the table saw. I also have a couple of workbenches on which I have fixed a vice and I plan to put a couple more vices out there. I feel pretty secure in this neighborhood and I feel pretty comfortable people will leave my equipment alone. Since we live in the desert I am not too worried during the summer regarding rain in my equipment. I watch the news and the weather and if bad weather is forecast to cover the side the Sanders with big black garbage bags. I've access to the power I need to run all my power tools and I just wish I had found the solution earlier to my wood shop access problem. Oh, I still have access issues but much fewer that I had and I can ask folks to fix things I can't reach if need be.

Into beautiful weather this weekend preceding the day storm I was in the garage Friday getting ready to work work on some hooks. To do this I would need to get some scrap lumber that I use to make the book blanks. I have this lumber in the rafters of the garage and another place of buried under stuff that I can't get to. My daughter, Bridget and Asher, our three-year-old grandson, was over visiting and asked if she could help me get the wood. I was a little concerned because it would be a little difficult to get access to the wood and maybe a little harsh on the hands but Bridget was game and did not have to be asked twice. She asked what I was doing I figured what the heck so I shared with her by project. And before I knew it she was knee-deep in alligators with me helping me work on my wood project. Together we ripped a 12 inch boards into 12 inch one by one inch strips some of which would cut into two pieces and some of those two 6 foot pieces we then cut into 3 foot pieces. My little craftsman 10 inch saw cut heroically and soon we had enough blanks to keep me busy for days.

I was amazed at Bridge's interest in my hook project. We worked together all afternoon, she cut would with the table saw, she worked her pieces with the belt sander in the Palm Sander eventually drilling holes into the into the wood and twisting hook in the end. We talked, we laughed listen to some music on the garage radio. Bridget was generally excited to be working on the wood and to be working with me. She had a giant smile on her face. I sent her home of two hooks which she had made. I was mildly surprised on Saturday the next day when she called in one come over and do something else. Little family dropped her off about an hour later Bridget my spent the morning putting together a workbench I picked up somewhere and never had the courage or the resources our patients to put the thing together. However, we assembled the bench as a team effort and it's going to be wonderful.

It's amazing sometimes but we find in old grudges when temperatures drop.