Happy FY New Year's Eve

It's the end of the year, it said like New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve in the middle of summer. Tomorrow begins the new fiscal year everything money changes at 12 o'clock here tonight. Tomorrow I look at becoming deeper and deeper in debt as my insurance puts over to another year. It is been kind of nice sense all the medical trauma of last year has made us meet our insurance levels so everything last month has been covered by insurance 100%. Now starting at midnight we had to start working down the deductible again that really frightens me. July frightens me because of a meeting with my neurosurgeon to see what our next steps are going to be regarding me and my life, my spasticity and thus stenosis in my neck. I would like to think we would do nothing let the stenosis ride but in reality we have to do something our risk much greater neurological injury from the stenosis. I'm terrified of the surgery and what the negative results of the surgery might be. I'm terrified of the financial results of what the surgery might render I mean it's going to cost us a lot, financial burden which we will never get out from under and that depresses me greatly. However life does go on, I hope.

I really never understood New Year's, New Year's Eve or whatever only in the last couple of years as I've aged and realized that more New Year's have passed that I will have coming my way. The financial new year is a different beast it rolls things over and I guess gets things going again but still it is threatening. I continue to have home care attendants come in the morning and evening costing more than 1000 a month which greatly weirds me out. Sometimes I even look forward to their coming but most the time I think I resent them. I don't think we would be able to make it without them there physical intervention helps a great deal. I would like to think I'm doing great – – and I am to some degree but not the point Of being able to shuffle off the attendant care services these folks render.

It's Tuesday usually the day I go in for physical therapy after I attend my Assist, Inc. meeting. I look forward to the meeting and rehab. These obligations get me up and out the house to do some good the world and for myself. But not today. It is doubly hot today, I doubt that would've actually hurt me to be out this heat but still probably good idea stay in out of the direct sun. Tomorrow I will have rehab in the afternoon in the noonday sun and heat but I'm ready for it about water ice up I'll be okay New Year's Day, FY 2016. But I am scared.

Nothing Stays The Same

I should've realized something was going on earlier this spring when a new building project developed on State Street and about 5300 S. Here in Murray Utah. A few days after construction began assign pop-up indicating this be the home of a new Starbucks coffee. I thought it was a bit pretentious to have to Starbucks less than a mile from each other but I didn't for a second think they are going to take away my Starbucks, by my bus stop. Quite frankly, I'm shocked at how much this blatantly capitalistic move has moved me. I mean I am almost as ashamed to go into Starbucks purchase a four dollars cup of coffee as I am to go to Sam's club or other big-box store and see the opulence and quantity of goods for sale. I've only amazed or at seeing the shopping carts stacked high and deep.

I was at my old bus stop last week when I noted for the first time all the Starbucks identification had been removed from the coffee shop.I instantly knew what had happened but I rolled over to the front door anyway where I saw one of the staff coming out. She of course informed me that the Starbucks had closed down and that in a day or so the new Starbucks at 53^rd will open its doors. She seemed genuinely excited at the prospect of working in a brand-new building. Again what are the main reasons I even went to the Starbucks was primarily to get out of the cold but I would catch the bus to work on cold winter mornings. It was a fun place to be 6:30 AM on a cold workday morning. People were nice and he seemed genuinely pleased to see me whenever I would show up – – maybe not as genuineness at the liquor store but there was a comrade in the building. I vowed I would not go to the new Starbucks.

I was out test riding my new power chair Saturday. I jumped the bus gunned down the mall at 5300 S. and State Street. It was during this period that I remember the new Starbucks and indeed it was open so I figured this was not so much about breakage of a vow as it was reconnaissance, gathering Intel. So I wandered through Barnes & Noble, the big electronics store and eventually snuck in the Starbucks. I was kind of hoping to run into something wonderful like a Willy Wonka on caffeine or something out of Harry Potter. What I got was something more like a sterile version of Clockwork Orange .Everything from the drive-through on the north end of the building to the multiple cash registers at checkout to the large windows All around the building everything was designed to make money. Easy access/flow meant more people in and more people out as fast as you can go. Though there are still places a set at far into the building and I'm sure the whole thing is Wi-Fi friendly which is not the old building, the place I liked maybe even loved. The old Starbucks had been a Pizza Hut at the beginning at least 20 some years ago. After Pizza Hut had abandoned the property it was a couple other places I can't remember now until Starbucks took over the building. It's not like the property was dark inside but it was darker than what there is now on 53^rd, the place was cozy felt like a good place to be early in the morning or late at night with a cup coffee. They had nights when they hosted poetry slams, music venues usually some folk guitar strummer Or something else fun. I'm sure it'll try to do this at the new Starbucks but I just can't see it taking off I can't see the new Starbucks being a place where you just want to hang out. I ordered a nice coffee while I was there, I still have money in my gold card. I was shocked and amazed when old guy who looked about my age came and looked around and said he loved the place. I couldn't believe my ears I just turned on my chair and slowly backed away.

Moving On

It truly has been a bit of a roller coaster week for me. Tuesday I had the UTA thing, The panel be on that I did a video for. I should've realized the video would've been enough but I had the silly feeling our notion that they really wanted me, So I had staff come in early Dianne drove into the Grand America and I sat with the panel and said nothing to an audience of less than 12 people.

Tuesday was a busy day no doubt,, Up early, panel discussion then over to rehab for my physical therapy session and once again Kristen was not there. I don't know if I offended her are exactly what but I have been working with a guy named Ryan. He's okay he's fairly good is not Kristen, he is not nearly as good as Kristen . Perhaps it is because he is a guy, a male, a man And what I found is that on the whole it just get by, do they have to and get on with it where as Female therapists I've had been astoundingly good. Anyway I digress. The weekend it with going in for the fitting for my power chair. The power chair which actually arrived three or four weeks ago and which would not be turned loose to me until the formal fitting. This the first time I've really dealt with such a procedure it I have to admit it was much more intense than I wanted to be. I think the whole thing frightened me a great deal Because the chair that I got is much more sophisticated than I'm used to which scares me I think. For the first time in getting all kinds of weird stuff like pads on the sides of my chair position me up in a more upright position stupid foot boxes on my foot pedals which I doubt will last month but supposedly to keep my feet on the foot pedals but I cannot put any put any pressure on them at all. Essentially I've got a chair for quadriplegic and true I am a quadriplegic but I am a fairly active quadriplegic and I don't want to go the other way and become a less active quadriplegic. The speed is okay it's not as fast as I would like that never can see 8 miles an hour again And I'm okay with that. I don't like to read out on the control box is just the icon of a battery which exemplifies how much power I have left doesn't give me a clear picture in numbers I got left power wise. The chair again, is everything I did not want. I wanted to chair just like my old chair that would give me some here to there and let me do the things I've learned to do and wheelchair. However I did get to cushions and that's going to help a lot.

I am kind of waiting to see if I'm going to get a psychiatric consult. I know Sue and the others think I'm wacko. I swear I almost broke down crying at the fitting because this was so out of control so emblematic of my life right now… I have control of it seems. It almost came to a point right there at the University medical Center in the Department of physical therapy I swear I almost had a breakdown.

I've had the chair now for two or three days and am really trying to be positive and open this chair particularly if it is the only option going to have. I really have to get my other chair repaired since I broke the foot pedal standing on it the day that I got my new chair. So I'm going to have to take the chair back to Create see what they can do. I've got a lot to crunch my life is good be different from here on out I can tell. I can no longer be the guy that I was somewhat in between paraplegic quadriplegic that was able to be totally independent. Now I see nothing my life depends moving slower and a lot more careful. This kind of freaks me out but it's where I am and the sooner I accept this sooner I'm going to be able to move on.

Solstice Report

I tried to update the blog last Saturday, the first day of summer, but I'd never got around to finishing the document. Things just came up the way things do the chair irritates when I can't finish a thought. I had a pretty good thought about how I was out the garage trying to arrange enough stuff in my area to where I could actually work on sticks. I spent the major portion of the day, in the hot sun or the baking garage just untangling a 50 foot cord, electric cord, and orange cord used to power things like hedge clippers, electric lawn mowers anything that needs power and a lot of it. The Cord was laying right on the floor In a huge knot. The untangle seem to take forever. Then when I tried to drill a hole into One of my sticks the drillbit is been and I couldn't get the bid to dig deep enough into the wood. By that time I've been on the heat number of hours and I'd had enough. Now, want to go back to the garage and find it drillbit that is straight and will dig deep enough that I can turn a hook into the stick thus transforming another piece of wood into a useful product. Perhaps most importantly making me feel I have had something of a fulfilling experience in doing a little bit of creation.

When I was untangling the corded knot I noticed there was a major injury to the court. Obviously I had run over the cord and frayed wires inside the cord to the point where they would be dangerous if plugged in. If I had the skills it would be an easy fix the snip off the plug snip off the damaged section of cord and reattach the plug. If I had the skills or the hand function neither of which do I have. So, I did some checking online and found a cord which would suffice could run anywhere from 9 to 20 bucks which is doable. I could take the court to electrician or fix-it shop of some sort and it would cost you that much to have the repair made. I could search the neighborhood or contact a family member i.e. Carl and have it do the job if they would or could that sounds too spooky. I mean the cord is great I hate to throw it away but what else can I do?

I am finding reconnecting with my wood shop quite a feat. I don't know why it has to be so hard it really does feel at times the universe is plotting against me and pushing me into another phase of life I do not want to go. I kind of just why my left alone see will happen with the wood project I started so long ago and see where it takes me why should I be denied that? Seriously this may be the last summer my life I should be able to get to make a couple of hooks at least.

Remembering Yesterday

Yesterday, I had a meeting downtown Salt Lake over at the developmental disabilities Council office which as most of you is where I finished my state career. Barbara Toomer a long time advocate and reactionary Salt Lake and I were at the Council office to videotape our comments regarding the impact the American disabilities act has had on Utah and specifically Salt Lake. We were doing this for the local transit authority and what they wanted was pre-ADA post ADA differences essentially a piece patting themselves on the back for the amount of transit the ported people with disabilities over the last 30 years. Initially, the authority me wanted to know if I would do the piece, and they wanted me to do the piece at a panel discussion Tuesday morning American Public Transportation Association( A P Tick select all A) .

APTA is the professional association of transit providers across the country. Whenever started out as a transit coordinator for independent living, these guys were the bad guys. These are the people or agencies we went up against on a regular basis to try to get accessible public transportation i.e. public buses wheelchair folks to get on as well as trains and planes. Adapt( American Disabled for Accessible Transportation) was our program. Adapt took great pleasure in scheduling their meetings at the same time APTA did theirs often closing down the hall meeting by taking over the building the meeting to be held. I was not on the national bandwagon but that part in local events particularly when APTA had their meeting in Salt Lake.

They wanted a panel discussion to be between 8 o'clock and 12 on Tuesday the 23^rd. I was interested in participating on the path my felt they were other folks is qualified if not more than I the on in one of those folks was Barbara Toomer. However I just usually finishing getting dressed at zero 800 when they talk to Barbara for staff does not even come in till 1030 so that would not do. Ergo, the solution is to produce a video that can be played in that time spot. I kind of insisted the transit authority give Barbara chance to be part of this discussion. I believe That no one in Salt Lake County Hasspent more time in Bringing about accessible transportation than Barbara Toomer. Barbara was an advocate exclamation! Barbara did all of her advocacy work out of commitment and belief she was doing the right thing. My knowledge Barbara has never paid one cent for all of her advocacy efforts. I on the other hand was paid to be at these functions, do what I had to do to bring about accessible public transit. I thought of myself as a gunslinger, as a ringer, someone good at bringing change. That's how I saw this piece of history. In the have really good documentation that supports this vision. I probably would have done the same work voluntarily but luckily that was not the case. I did the work, I loved the the work And best of all I got paid for work I loved.

I Had had a rough night previous to the meeting I still felt loose bowel wise but I went to the meeting and hope for the best. I got there early enough spend some time with Frank, a good friend and person who took over my office after I left. We had a good discussion. Frank works in cycles in earlier everyday which allows him to leave on Friday afternoon have an extended weekend. Frank left and I was alone in my old office having waves of nostalgia. The room was quiet an neat nothing like the room I left.

Who Knew?

I know I am going on and on about my attendant care people but they are such a reservoir of things to comment on his experiences just so bizarre I can't help not writing about them. Just be glad I've restrained myself from taking action images of these people – – that probably would be stepping of some kind.

John, my main morning guy whom I've written about before, is on vacation this week yes, these folks actually have vacations too. John flew out Saturday morning to spend a week in Pennsylvania to be with his daughter and grandchildren for the week, So I'm having substitutes for my morning attending. This morning I had Mark he is the same guy that usually does me in the evening. Mark is okay, I guess, just sort of annoys me. There's nothing significant that he does biggest just about the little things. I cannot say I was overjoyed when he told me you'd be doing two of the morning shifts. So that means today he will be doing the morning shift in the evenings which is almost too much Mark. I almost thought about calling the agency to request another person but thought it through and felt what the heck it will not kill me to deal with Mark twice in one day. How bad can it be? After all morning duty is pretty light. All the person really has to do is get me out of bed in my power chair And get me dressed. The process was a little more drawn out when I slinged up in the morning, slinging up is my reference to having to use the lift to move but from my bed to the chair. The last couple weeks I've been working on doing as much of the transfer without the lift and on my own.The process is been a bit more challenging than I had anticipated but it seems to be coming along the best part is it takes a lot less time and tomfoolery. Still not at the point where I could do this totally by myself but hopefully the time is coming. So, once I'm in my chair I'm pretty well done… I know I gave it earlier comment about getting dressed in my chair but actually I usually am dressed before I transferred my chair so when I do the transfer I'm done. Oh, I still shave put on my shirt but actually I can do that on my own. So at the point this morning when I was in my chair and situated okay it was only half an hour and I'm charge for the whole hour. So as I shaved I had Mark fold a pile of clothes. Which Mark did then came back and sat on the side of the tub and watch me finished shaving. I remembered I want to work on but today but there were things in front of my tools that have difficult time getting those moved so why not still have 30 minutes on the clock so we went out and moved some materials around And I found that Mark had an innate skill of order – – greatly surprising me. If you deft movements he found the place for the snowblower and got a space of my workbench to make getting around in the garage much simpler. I was amazed.

I learned some things about Mark he is much more acceptable in the morning when things are fresh and new then eight hours later or even 10 hours later when the day's work on and worn you out. I was used to seeing Mark at the end of his day and at the end of mine. We are both tired and I guess irritable. How much harder must be for Mark to try to present a good face forward since I'm the client and he is the server? But it was very enlightening to see Mark at the beginning of his day. He finally left after being here 45 minutes I really could not think of anything else for him to do. I think I'll feel a lot different towards Mark this evening but shows up disheveled, tired to work last hour of his day.

Summer Project

The hot days are beginning for what the computer weather forecast is saying Will be the begin the onset of at least a week with temperatures either in the high 80s or 90s it's going to be hot that's great for me I like the hot weather. I know, I've gone over that a number of times in the past in this blog. However this summer I want to take much more advantage of my time in retirement, time here at the house and hopefully a rebuild of my fence, more specifically the gate which leads to the back patio.

My goal this summer is to sunbathe nude as I can as much as I can on the patio in the back of the house. After much examination and checking I have found one small piece of territory in my yard which will allow me to sunbathe nude without being seen by neighbors. Space is very limited but gets great afternoon sun and if I have A gate that's closable I should have the privacy I need to keep me out of court. There used to be a gate which closed to the back patio , but 20 years that we've lived here the gate has broken Almost disappeared. Only half the gate remains which needs shoring up and the other side of the gate is gone completely. I've pretty much given up the idea of the gate ever be repaired during my lifetime but this last week my daughter Bridget – – who has been very encouraging of me in my shop project of making sticks – – and indicated an interest in repairing the gate, not her husband Gabriel, but she and I working together rebuilding the gate.

I of course I threw out immediate roadblocks to such a project. I know my skills, I know my abilities and building things wich actually function is not one of them. That is why I pretty much limit myself to sticks or hooks. This I know I can do and do fairly well and not Live under the illusion that I am some kind of a woodworking genius. However, I must admit I was impressed with the amount of work projected this last week and cleaning out a part of the garage and help me fix the sander I dropped earlier this spring and very much bent out of shape. The work took us a good four or five hours but we managed to get the sander operational and we sanded down two sticks ready for turning. This past week I went out and looked at the gate, the portion of the gate that need to be shorn up and the gate we would have to do completely rebuild. We even have most of the materials we need for such project in the back. I think we'll need some technical input on how to remove the bolts in the post that needs the new gate but that should be fairly easy. I know, I should really know better than to even try to do something like this but Bridge has given me faith that perhaps with her tenacity and my limited skills and then as Bridget says, “we can always get Gabe to fix anything we mess up.

POV

My left arm was greatly affected by the recent stenosis, well the stenosis that I had removed last year Or earlier this year. The left side deficit has really limited my ability to be independent effectiveness through physical therapy, great support at home in my own drive I've come back fairly well.. I still have issues with my transfers probably dressing though I haven't had a chance to really explore that area. But the last couple weeks I have sensed that my left side is becoming weaker again. As much as I do not want to acknowledge this fact in the back of my mind I think it is actually happening, but stenosis which was left on the other side of the spinal column is beginning to exert pressure on the spinal column causing my left side we can which could eradicate any gains that I've been able to bring about. I have brought this up to Kristin my physical therapist who in turn has brought this up to my neurosurgeon about possible intervention to remove this current stenosis – –which scares me to death but not so much as losing any more function on my left side. What really frightens me is losing mobility on my right side go to you go to be in the lin which might be secondary to medical intervention for the stenosis. The neurosurgeon really does not want to do anything and tell a certain period of time which of course will be passed this insurance year and into the next meeting will cost us a great deal more to have the same operation done then instead of now, now being the end of June.

I of outlined a little of my life after the recent operation and how it's changed and how costly it is become with attendant care. How I have to go to bed every night starting at 8 o'clock because that's when my attendant arrives to do my bowel program and put me to bed. I could be upset about how much this takes away from my day in particular my evening. I miss this most of the summer when I would work out in my garage on making sticks until eight or 9 o'clock tonight, listening to NPR and just working on my wood. Yesterday, Bridget and the kids were over, we worked on my wood shop out in the garage. Bridget did a great deal of work which I greatly appreciate particularly fixing up a piece of equipment I dropped it really bent out of shape. We ended up making just two sticks that's okay we got the garage set up to where I can go out to the garage now and work As long as headlight during the day when I have the time. I still have to start getting ready for bed around 7 o'clock but you know what? I need to see and be thankful the fact that I can work out there for a good amount time and that is what is important. Same way with everything else is what I can do with what I have left which is important. I can let the fact that I miss a couple hours of the day not be able to work on the fact that I have a bunch of hours that I can and I must take advantage of those hours that I can be productive, have fun, go places, meet and be with people and enjoy my life. Is this not what it is all about? Now more than ever I have to make every second count while I'm up and can do stuff. I'm excited to have my new chair coming when it does come with this giving more independence with celebrity stretch out my day and do more things with the quality chair that is functional, batteries? I've been thinking with the fact that I go to bed or get off my butt every day at seven in evening maybe this has cut down on my body trauma and actually allowed me to enjoy the quality of life that I may not have because I was doing too much. So everything is point of view, how I look at My life, half-full or half-empty and all the other little word tricks that help us get through Our lives.

Ask Me If I Care

I apologize again to seem to be so focused on my experiences with home health, attendant care but the whole concept Continues to fascinate me beyond report. Couple weeks ago John, my main morning guy, who informed me that he was going to return to his home state of Pennsylvania to watch his grandchildren while their mother went on a trip to Cancun. He indicated be gone for a week this was just a heads up I mean really what do I care? It's not like I really have these guys employed even though it really is supposed to act as a manager for them – – the employee to an agency of the don't show up they call somebody else on their list to do the job assuring the consumer, me, a seamless fabric of support so do I really care if you're going on vacation, have jury duty are whatever? You, the home health aide, is just a cog in a giant wheel Of the American medical complex. Again I care little bit about who shows up to get me to bed or to get me up but I really don't have that much control over the whole thing. Last night, Mark the night guy, informed me that he will be doing John's coverage next week Monday and Friday. I really wasn't that turned on to hear that information. Barely deal with Mark on the four nights a week he is my night attended. I don't know what it is he just seems to struggle so much just to do this job. Actually, I kind of admire the guy he's doing three different jobs – – home health aide, aide at a nursing care facility and he drives casino buses Friday Saturday Sunday! I'm just blown away the poor guy have the work that kind of hours doing that that kind of stuff. I guess one time he was also a cabbie on the horse cabs downtown until they were shut down by the city fathers. I always thought about calling the agency requesting somebody else for Monday and Friday Evening with that would probably devastate the guy. I'm sure it throughout a way to make the money up but I think he really likes to come over to provide my assistance. Again, is really true to myself but I fell about him really matter, theoretically it is are the best quality care that I can get. And mind you this is the only guy who has had the balls to charge me more than a hour and contracted for because we went late. Not saying you should not just saying come on , Your gouging me anyway Just charge you for the hour don't worry about the few extra minutes we went over time.

Bottom-line, I don't like him nearly as much to ask me, in fact the kind of scares me, I really don't Want I have to associate with him anymore than I have to… And then the other day he informed me like I should really care that sometime this winter is taking a week off to do something Southern California with his grandchildren… November?! Why do I care? The agency would just send somebody else anyway somebody that I might like, someone who will be here on time someone I will really miss when the weeks up… Home healthcare what a drag.

A New Set Of Wheels

Just got a call from my wheelchair vendor okay wheelchair salesman because that's all they are wheelchair salesman. He called to tell me I chair shipped today, which means the factory is done making it and they basically dropped it in the mailbox and if I'm lucky I'll be here by Friday if not then next week, Either way it doesn't matter a whole hell of a lot because I cannot take ownership of my new power chair to my physical therapist fits it to me. So the next step I was told to do is contact the secretary for my physical therapist set up appointment at your earliest open date, which of course is until June 23 at 9 o'clock in the morning. So Christmas gets Shoved a little further down on the calendar.

Don't get me wrong, I love my physical therapist, Sue. She's great in his help me a lot in the end she is an appendage of the medical model and what she says goes regardless of what I think or say. For those who remember reference the manual chair hell. The chair I raised such a stink about, how it hardly fits me and how I can't really use the chair in my life. The chair which takes up valuable room or space in my house. The chair which is with that much more than I wanted which I can't do anything with the piece of junk even give it back to the vendor. I wonder if it's because I raise such a stink that everybody, especially the sleazy salesperson just cover their ass from the top to the bottom from the customer from hell – – which is I am sure what I am known by the local durable medical/medical professionals.

The sales guy, Jason is your run-of-the-mill , plaid coated, Say anything to make a sale, durable medical vendor.I Have had better sales guys in the past, One or two I have actually believed in, one guy would actually show up hours after closing if needed -- corny in the as it may sound—To take care of his customer. There shop was forced to close, I assume because they were not making enough money or some political thing with one other major vendors with the state. So now I'm dealing with this Out fit and having to wait till June 23.

I think I am taken it pretty good all things considered, I've resigned myself to the concept to believe in something when you can see it, feel it, taste it. Yes I know I am very cynical but my life in a wheelchair and actually before that has really grounded in a the world of cynicism. I am so thankful to have this backup chair. If I did not have this chair I'm sure be a lot more pissed than I am right now. I'm sure I'm going to be disappointed when the chair arrives finally and I have to drag my sorry ass up to University of Utah and meet with the “professionals in my life”And have the chair “fitted” to me like this is accepted formality but really it's there happen before.But sigh, you do what you got to do to get your ass in a new set of wheels

Paradise Lost

Thursday I was on my way home from physical therapy and Wellness doing my long wait at Murray Central– – This is what UTA calls their transfer point at 5300 S. in Salt Lake County. Murray Central is where I connect with route 201 and travel southbound on State and gets me a couple blocks from the house. During the day route 201 runs one hour headways, you got it, that means that bus runs once an hour. Invariably it seems I have to wait at least 30 minutes if not 45 which can seem a long time in the dead of winter or the heat of summer. In either case I have to wait and many times with other folks. Many times Murray Central is not a very happy stop. People are hungry, tired, cold/hot unhappy for any reason that people who ride buses generally are. I'm usually tired by the time I get to Murray Central and want to have as little contact with human beings as possible. I know this sounds pretty callous but that is how I feel at this time of day which is okay because usually everyone else feels the same.

This Thursday however there was a mother daughter team sitting on the curb waiting for the bus. I think, I know, the daughter was developmentally disabled and sort of had a suspicion that mom was too from their conversation. They were also trying to engage other transit patrons into conversations. Sort of like Forrest Gump takes the 201×2. Luckily for me I must've been too intimidating since they never got around to asking my name or how come I had to use a wheelchair. However, I did listen to their conversation was a little bit intrigued. They were trying to get to a credit union one that I was not familiar with. They never said what they wanted to do at the credit union but I suspect it had something to do with either cashing a check or checking something about their account. They did not seem to know where the credit union was just that through 201 should get them to Credit union or close. Was kind of hoping one of the other travelers would pick up and helped them out but that didn't seem to be happening. Just for the fun of it I took the credit union's name and read through the search engine on my cell phone sure enough the credit union did exist but I couldn't see one very close to any of the stops on State Street in 201. There happened to be the credit union by that name in the Murray area not far from our bus stop but quite a ways if you're on foot, there actually looking for specific credit union further south and the only one I found one in that area was way out of their way in no way would Walker's be able to make By the time the credit union would close. I should of got involved, I should've helped them with directions, maybe let them use my phone to make a call make sure where they were going. I didn't I was too tired. I did not do what Jesus would do our would've done. I talk a big talk about helping wanting to be involved doing good but I don't take a golden opportunity when it's laid before me I'm such a joke.

Me or for Him?

Earlier this week at wellness, I met Andrew. Actually, it seemed Andrew a number of times at the rehab facility a couple times and even spoken briefly with him but nothing of any substance just saying “hi or goodbye” as I went to the elevator. I noticed the feeling the first time I encountered Andrew it was a drawing towards him. And as a young man just out of high school getting ready to transition to University. For those guys had everything going for him, talent, brains, good luck and a will to do anything you wanted to and somewhere along the way he got his neck broken. Now a lot of this I'm going to surmise because I hardly know the guy except to look at him but I think that's going to change to some degree.

I broke my neck just about 49 years ago exactly, next month will be 49 years. At that point in time there were not a whole lot full of their with quadriplegia at least from spinal cord injury. Those that were out there survived pretty much by luck, dumb luck. Like me for example I was hit by a car just outside of fire station in the middle of July. All the fire guys were outside in the shade just sitting there during the summer day. I was an intersection I just stopped at a stop sign and went to cross the street but has hit by a car. Flag I saw the whole thing they ran over and held my neck in place in my head together until the ambulance came and took me St. Luke's Hospital. Jump ahead four months and I was transition to rehabilitation. There like three or four other guys under 30 at the rehab when I entered and only one was another teenager: Steve Andrews. We had nothing, and basically avoided each other while we were in rehab. Once I got out of rehab I was an odd duck. Admit one other person close to my own age in rehab and we sort of hung out off and on over the next couple years. I hardly ever saw anybody else wheelchair unless it wasn't rehab very few of those people my own age. I had no one to talk to good been through the whole spinal cord injury thing just because there weren't that many that survived. I don't know how much difference it would make have somebody who knew the ropes. I think any input would have been helpful. Oh of course the docs and social workers had a little bit to say but who would believe them I don't think I did what they did say scared is not out of me. Over the years I've had contact with many spinal cord injured folk and I was the peer counselor. I was the person who'd been around the block may cases this is my job I was paid to be the point man let these folks know exactly how is going to be. I think I helped more than I hindered it is been good all along. I've always been somewhat self-absorbed thinking that I was there for them, I was the expert I was a know it all.

When Andrew came in the other day there was a woman with him that eventually found out was his mother, Andrew enough to this therapy and I spoke with mom. I found out that Andrew was from Washington state and that he was planning on entering the dominant religious-based University in this state, Brigham Young University. She was amazed that I had kicked around as long as I had with my spinal cord injury. She was intrigued that my level of injury was close to that of Andrew's. We talked about his situation and her concerns. They were living with her in-laws and Murray Utah not far from me. Her big concern was letting Andrew transition to University this coming fall. She knew would be the best thing for him particularly concern his independence. Kind of throwing them into the deep end and see if he sinks or swims. She seemed like she is ready to do this and this is good. Andrew can get on with his life as a person with a disability and she can get on with her life as a mom of a kid with a disability. As we had our conversation I was thrown back in time and just wondered how hard it been for my parents to let me go and continue to be a person living my life, doing what I had to do to grow and mature as a person with a disability.

I was called to begin my therapy session making a note to send Andrew an email and emphasize the points with spoken of regarding options he could consider while in Provo at the University. I wondered again as I left the mom it was good that she ran into me or I wonderedmaybe it was good for me to friend her .okayand Andrew. I have been thinking of this a lot in the last couple days jus wandered how many of these experiences have been directed at me

A Great Way To Start June

This month is just getting away from me I cannot believe it's the fourth and I just have not written a word. I have a myriad of excuses I always do but that's not acceptable.June is been hard to start up for some reason. I am pleased however I did get my missionaries letter out I'm still working on the grand kids low and that seems to be a bit challenging. I usually try to write these things the first Sunday of the month so it gives me a focus on the Sabbath list for that day that Sunday. So I tell myself I will write the grandkids on that day. The end of May beginning of June is slug of birthdays I must attend to , Michelle, Mark A and Bridget all fall than that first week of June and May. It's not a big deal I just have a hard time getting them all out again excuses.

Yesterday, in the midafternoon Dianne was getting ready to head out spend some time with the kids and I was exhausted I did sleep well the night before and I was cruising around in a daze just surviving the day he all of a sudden I got the telltale signs of a loosed dump, coming quick and with great prejudice. I'd had John dressed me in my khaki shorts, I love the shorts and I will miss them. I was hoping they would be quick for me to to get off praying that I had time but I was more afraid that I was not going to have time to get them off in time. Mind you, I'm in my power chair But I could see that I would be able to get the chair close enough to the commode to make the transfer. So I began laboring on my shorts. I could feel the bowel movement coming I had my shorts partially removed and I said I'd better make the transfer from the pile is going go right into my new cushion of my chair. I heaved and made the transfer was sitting on probably a third of my shorts just could not get them removed but I kept working. The flow began luckily I think Two thirds of my anus was free and I put them major load into my shorts but most of the evacuation I got into the commode . Dianne was in the mists of getting ready for her adventure but she stopped long enough to assist me and clean me up and give me the bed where I stayed remainder of the day. I had to put a brief on just in case I had more coming down the chutes that did not happen. I spent the day watching GR I MM, the series, which I have been working on this last week and that was kind of fun.

The event of the day could've been a great deal worse. I actually had Dianne through the shorts with the poop inside away. The cleanup was minimal I had been willing to call in someone to clean me up Dianne did a great job, she's a real trooper. I'm 64 I don't know how long I can keep doing these kind of things you know save myself from major messes. It really is kind of scary. However am thankful I was able to do what I do to mitigate the issue. Just wonder how many more issues are out there.