The Great Destroyer

Tonight since the third day here at my new place of residence. The beautiful place actually, much more beautiful than I deserve. Today, the first real day of life here at Plymouth Place I decided to get some business done. I heard that my banking Institution call Mountain America Credit Union it's just around the corner at the community college and in fact it is. That was the first stop this morning when I left Plymouth Place. I was astounded at how good it felt to be back on a college / University campus. I totally vamped off the great  energy of the students I passed on campus and in the Student Union. I am even considering some classes come the first of the year. It only cost $10 a class to audit. Talk about a deal. I had to go to the credit union because I found out first thing this morning that this place does not take plastic! You really have to pay with a check! So I was able to change my address and get established here in Taylorsville. I was also able to get three or four counter checks to hold me by until my checks get here. This is so strange doing this all over again.

On the way back to my apartment I stopped off at the market and got some groceries but I noticed that I needed to get by. This is a little awkward since I had nothing but my lap to carry groceries on. I got quite a few actually: I didn't like lunch meat, eggs, Bread, a roll of quarters for laundry the basics. And of course once I got home I realized a bunch of other stuff that I wanted to get but I forgot which is just as well because I don't know how would have carried anything more than what I did.

My task, really for today, I was to do my wash. I've done wash laundromat wash, of course the past they all just seems weird now but I was up for it. I took the clothes out sort of them then carry them down to the laundry. I must confess this is harder than I thought it was going to be. That's okay I went to work literally. I chose to washers a top loader and a front loader. Dianne gave me a couple of bottles of laundry detergent in small packages that just toss it in the wash. It's all very convenient no carrying big boxes of detergent anymore very civilized. I had to snuggle up right next to the front loader did the closing it was then that I noticed I was destroying everything. I made a big gash on the side of the washing machine and they were similar scratches and dents at the bottom of both machines. Using one of my sticks to open up the dryer I almost tore up the front handle. The handle was still usable when I finished but I could certainly say I have made the difference. I am the great Destroyer my wife / X is right I destroy everything I touch. I felt so aggrieved I even went to the manager and confessed right there on the spot. They just laughed and blew it off I tried to let them know how sorry I was would not have any of it. Perhaps I need to get or pay one of them other folks here to do my clothes. That would be  decadent. So this is a bit of a confession. I did not wash I did it all comma a mess and got back to my room. The front door to my apartment it's getting messed up. I want them this supposed to get devices protect the door but it's almost too late now. Tomorrow, November 1st I'm turning over a new Leaf I really am going to be careful or more careful that I don't destroy any more of the place where I live.

Done Deal

I DID IT! This morning early I was up and out the door. I was on my way to Plymouth Place to finish the rent process. This storm coming in tonight and weather said the morning would be okay : Blustery but even warm. I had my devices charged that I was ready to go.. I did not have to wait too long at 5900 S. and I got into the station without problems.. I was kind of surprised when I realized my bus driver was Dan, Jin's husband.. We had a pretty good conversation. I was even more surprising was that he was also my driver on the return trip.. Jennifer, the apartment manager, was with another person I got there so I waited around and visited with other residents it was pleasant..

Jennifer seemed glad to see me and we jumped into the closing process. I had about 20 minutes of papers to sign which I did. Was kind of spooky but none of the signing process was to intimidating. The next did the apartment inspection which allow me once more to look closely at the apartment.. I must admit I'm getting more and more excited about the move the more I see the property. I was also excited when I asked Jennifer if I could keep my Saratoga silver with the other exercise equipment and she said yes freeing a lot more space in my unit. I started looking at the space much more critical eye seeing that I should be okay with space to hang close and ample space for canned goods. I should do okay especially with the dishwasher.

It used to seeing a great distance from the bus stop to the apartments is now much shorter now that I am learning shortcuts. I crossed Redwood Road and went to the Smiths fresh market and was pleasantly surprised. The market has more wear and tear than other fresh markets and does not seem to have choice of fruits as I'm used to but will do very well. The prices seemed very economical. If I cook I should be okay.

My next major project was making sure I had attended care.I came home and found the booklet I had circled the care provider made the call. I got a hold of another Jennifer seemed very nice even excited to have me as a consumer. I will be meeting her on Sunday morning at 8 o'clock and should provide my B and B.. And I should get the service at less cost But I did with Options. So today's been a good day better than I thought it would be. I have more packing to do that Mark should come over tonight for a little while and maybe were almost done..

Shame

I have truly become the worst version of myself at least according to my ex-wife number 3 and I think she may have a point. She says I'm brutally mean, conniving and uncaring. I hate thinking of myself n those terms. I am broken,I must be. I feel I have tried and tried and tried and have failed. I have destroyed her in all ways and apologize.

Waiting Just waiting

Yesterday I was so focused on meeting with the manager of the apartment complex I'm going to be living at and finalizing the paperwork that I overlooked the simplest detail which was leaving all the paperwork I was supposed to bring with me to the meeting on my table.. Remember this meeting was supposed to take place on Monday but because of inclement weather I got a reprieve for Wednesday, yesterday.. So, one document I need I do not have which means I have to go through Social Security and get a verification of income or budget letter. Theoretically I have one in my online account with Social Security and that should be able to download that document straight from the bowels of the system. But of course I don't have access to my Social Security account because I don't know my password and ID… Or at least I didn't at the time yesterday when I came back home and was trying to access this document. I'm sure Dianne has instructed me how to do this and probably given me my account name and passwords but I don't remember any of it.. Oddly enough, I was able to establish all of the information I needed to get into my account. However, as I madly tried to go through the process of opening my account I messed up more than three times and if you mess up more than three times you lose so my account has been frozen for 24 hours as from yesterday at 2 o'clock. Some I am still kind of freaked out that if I try today and mess it up well that put me on another 24-hour walkout. So this morning, I called social security administration and got their computerized voice system. All I wanted was to speak to a human to ask them how exactly 24-hour wait is.. I was told I could wait on ..line 40 minutes or have a human call me back in one hour. I elected to have a human calmly back in one hour.So here I am waiting trying to be proactive waiting for the call.

Last night my son went up to the University Hospital and procured boxes a friend of mine at the hospital got. When I get these boxes I can start the process of packing for the move the hopefully I can begin as soon as I can get this letter of budget. I have to take a moment to thank all the people in my life will that help to me the last couple years of trauma I've been experiencing. Dianne particularly, Gabriel Bridgette, Asher,, Carl and Mark A and many more.. It is amazing how much these folks and done and continue to do.. So I have to do What little I can to help the process. I feel so lacking.

So once again I am in a holding pattern, waiting just waiting for people who have control my life are things that have control of my life reboot, or reset or return phone calls to let me take the next baby step that will allow me to

to the next level..

But That's Enough

I was awake pretty early this morning seemed like I been up hours before I looked at the cloc and it was 5:15 AM.. I was wide awake and try as I might I cannot get to sleep. Finally I got up at 6 o'clock to start my day. I think I am getting stressed out with the upcoming move to my new quarters. I still do not have an apartment for sure.. I think that I do I just have to finish the arrangements which supposedly, is tomorrow When I meet with the manager of the apartment complex I'm considering. I really wanted to have this done Monday, yesterday but I wussed because of the rain. I called the manager yesterday to let her know and she said not to worryAnd we decided I would come over on Wednesday, Tomorrow. Supposedly today was to be a rain day as well. However, it's been a beautiful morning and I just got back from the A&W where I got a burger for lunch. Was even wearing short sleeves. So I could've done to meet today but oh well and primed for tomorrow..

Now requesting for boxes. This is hard for me. I'm working with Mark Anthony who is willingly helping me and I'm a little frustrated trying to figure out how to find the boxes and let Mark. I hate for him to have to do all the work so I'm trying to do my part. Fortunately one of my friends,, a nurse at the University who has been my wound care specialist cover years ago indicated he can get me all the boxes I needed and Mark hooked up with him via Facebook and hopefully their work together to get all of boxes I need. Kevin, my nurs friend,asked how many boxes I needed And I just shot and said 10 boxes maybe 15. I thought 10 boxes might be too many but better than to have too many thin too few. So if I can get these boxesand some help filling them with my stuff I should be set to go when I get the okay to move into the new joint I should be on Easy St., Mark and I were speaking last night and we might go together and rent a storage unit. This would allow us/me a place to keep some of my stuff until I figure out where I'm going to finally end up.Mark does not believe This senior apartment complex is for them in and up. He thinks it's just a regrouping area and the more I thought about this tomorrow think you might be right. I don't know where I would end up going or what kind of circumstancesI will end up.But maybe there's still interesting living options left open to me.

And hoped the rain with taking care of the tomatoes but they look pretty dry this morning when I went out to lift weights. I was once again amazed that I have one tomato that has turned red. This little guy made it all the way through.. I may have to eat them just to be honorable of his works.. I'm surprised how many other tomatoes I have coming on now. I did it I grew meniscal tomatoes with only one becoming ripe but that's enough. I can let them go now whether by moving or by frost

Reaching Out

A light rain is falling this morning which is so weird because at 3:30 AM I was awake and there was moonlight coming through the window. I figured it was just another weather forecast gotten wrong by channel 13. I slept in this morning till 7:45 AM this means I'm losing my edge which kind of freaks me out.. I can look at the event as just enjoying Sunday morning by myself doing what I wanted to when I want to do it.. I looked at the event in that light I don't feel so bad.. I do not want to get slothful I do not want to get overweight anymore than I already am, I want to keep losing weight and making my life easier to handle physically and emotionally.. I really do have a great deal to be thankful for .

I really have never reached out to friends when I am in a crisis mode not really. Last night however I did. I was not really in crisis mode but it was Saturday night and I want to hear a voice from someone I truly liked. I want to call Dave. Dave was my  supervisor from when I used to work at a place called Dawn Enterprises, Inc. Or D E I, Dawn is a private nonprofit workcenter – – used to be called sheltered workshop. Anyway Dave was my manager and we became good friends .. We of we made contact last couple months is even stopped by a couple times on his way to Blackfoot to visit. I called Dave we talked. No last 15 months much like me his life is been filled with medical trauma to heart attacks which are documented plus a possible neurological event which very well could lead to a full-blown stroke. Dave then told me that out of the blue number months ago as he was driving he suddenly develop double vision. It didn't take long , just a few seconds/minutes to realize the closed one eye can drive just finAt least good enough to get home. Of course, David Consulted A neurologist who kind of confirmed the idea that he may have had a minor minor stroke and the big one still might be coming. Dave is a of walking funeral! But Dave is taking this in stride and sworn to live every day as usual. I keep getting shown these examples of people: Deb M., Larry or, Alan Kimball Who are living under severe and challenging circumstances in most cases worse than mine. I have so must be thankful for I need to stop worrying about life and just live it. I have been given so man gifts.

Last night was supposed to The and “B and B” night – – See yesterday's posting – – I just messed around the house thinking of things to cook and having a late dinner for forgot to be about 12 AM.I've not heard the status on Jean yet and I'm hoping all is well. I sort of think however my brother has his hands full and I'm going to have to figure another option for my bowel program. WOW! Things just keep getting more and more interesting…

October 15, 2016

(This was actually supposed to been posted  last night but I forgot the last step)

Dianne and the family Left for California this morning. They left a lot later than anticipated – – in fact I thought the left last night. So imagine my surprise this morning when I was having breakfast I hear the front door open And it is Dianne coming to pick up a couple things she had forgotten last night.. I was shocked I thought they drove all the way back when in fact the had not left yet. I'm amazed.

I did okay my first night being on my own. It's a little spooky but I'm surrounded by good neighbors and family and I keep my cell phone with me at all times so if something happens I can call. My brother Carl was supposed to come over tonight and help me with my program but his wife//Jean is in the hospital and that's not a good sign. As for as not getting my program tonight I am okay. I feel confident I can go another day I just hope everything works out for Carl and Jean. Actually,, I'm sure glad to have this night alone to myself. I don't know why I just am.

Expect a good day by myself, went out and did some shopping got some items for stirfry.. I'm hoping to find some rice that would be good . I have got half a bag of frozen vegetables which I think would make great stirfry. I can get some from going got the fish sauce I should be okay.

I really love my neighborhood.. I am really going to miss the feeling of security I have here. To that end I have kind of been dragging my feet as far as letting people know about the divorce in my upcoming move.. As I was coming home from the market this afternoon I noticed LaNae, my neighbor's been really good to me over the years. I really do love her and I think I will miss her most of all LaNae was in her garage, on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. It's what she does she think that's important having a clean garage floor.. I startled LaNae when I came up and said hi.. When she saw me her face broke.. She was visibly heartbroken. I could tell she knew about the divorce.. In fact she thought I had already moved out because there were no more lights in my window.. The lady gets up early, very early every morning, so she goes to bed very early in these days I'm spending more and more time in the computer room so when there is lights in my room she's in bed. We talked we talked for about an hour. It was a good discussion. She kept saying over and over how much she would miss me. I told her I would miss her and how much I enjoyed having her and her late husband as my neighbor. I told her I needed to go on and put my meat away.. But I promised I would call her regularly and drop by from time to time

It's Done

It's done. Well,, it's sort of done. All the papers have been filled out everything has be Divided up everyone seems happy with that. We spent the afternoon at Utah Legal Services signing documents. It's amazing how many documents one has to sign to be divorced. The staff was happy as clams. Dianne had done Her Usual magnificent job of documenting and data collection. The staff was astounded at how detailed her information was. Dianne got major kudos this is important to Dianne, positive feedback is most important. The staff was delighted that the divorce is uncontested and relatively amicable. Very rarely does this happen.. There were no major fights, arguments are the usual horrible feelings.. They're just there ending.

Utah Legal Services is a private nonprofit that I have worked with over the years with many of my clients in the area of landlord-tenant issues. I certainly knew them from a distance,, from the outside looking in. In fact their office is right next to Assist Inc.Where I have a meeting every week. It was weird going to Utah Legal Services as a consumer. Of course most of what one has to do takes place upstairs there's no way this place is wheelchair accessible. Of course they does the legal bullet by being hypervigilant and making sure to bring anything it needs to be done down to therefore your downstairs which is just a big wooden bench and a desk. I suppose that works not that I was going to bring about any legal issues I just want to get this thing done now and out of my hair and move on to the next challenge of my life whatever that might be

It's Not About Me

It's been really hard for me to find time in well to write a post that's why the month is a third over and this is the first posting for October. We're in the midst of a divorce! I guess I should not be surprised but I guess I am. Dianne is just had too much. Or has not had Enough love and support. This last 18 months has been just too much.. The surgeries, extended stay at the SNF and the drain on the financial accounts. There's also the issue of my destruction of the house. She sees the whole 20 years as a waste of me using her not getting anything back in return. But I am not going to say much more at this juncture and try to just get on with getting on.

Dianne feels a lot of this breakup is divine intervention… I don't know if I can accept that but things sure seem to be falling into Place Strangely so. I was able to use of my connections with Utah Non-Profit Corporation.. I was pleased and amazed to find they had a wheelchair accessible unit open and available in seeming to make sure that I had a place. I think I should be able to move in and about a week which would be just about the time Dianne and family will be getting back from California. Now I'm having to begin the process of paring down – – getting rid of my life as I know it. And actually I'm not feeling the angst that I thought that I would.. I think am actually looking forward to getting rid of a lot of this stuff going forward with as little as possible.

The place I'm going this senior housing which is kind of weird. There are a lot of blue haired ladies and old forts with white Shoes. I wish there were more for my age but I'll have to range find those guys. I have access to two fairly decent bus routes one which takes me directly to the Buffmire Center, Where I have outlined in my meetings.. I will have to spend a lot of time on a bus but that is okay. I'm toying with the idea of keeping the van to have other people drive me around but maybe I need to let that go too.

I'm scared, not as much now as I was, but I'm still spooked and being on my own again.. At being on my own at this point in my life. I really have appreciated and depended on Dianne over the decades.. She is so smart and so good at research I really benefited from my association with this woman.. I wish I had been better able to express my love to her. But she is committed to being out and I have to respect for desire it's not about me.

Divorce!

Looks like  we're Divorcing. I am in crisis mode Looking for accessible housing which is affordable and close to this area.. So much to write about so little will. Stay tuned