What is happening to me!?

 I'm sitting here patiently waiting for my home health person to show up to clean me up after another bowel movement incident! You know I used to have a problem like this every couple years then in the last decade it's got to be once or twice a year and this is after my stenosis. For my stenosis I was strong enough that I could transfer myself from the chair come on my wheelchair, onto the commode do my business and get back again. I've been fortunate over my disabled life to be able to know when I needed to use the restroom or when a bowel movement was imminent. However, with the stenosis and the operation afterwards leaving me so weak that I had to give up pushing my manual chair and go full-time to my power chair and not being able to transfer at all my life took another Dreadful turn. Well not super Dreadful but sad just the same that just another ability I can't do anymore. Even with that however I've only had a couple mishaps but they seem to be coming more and more frequent which kind of frightens me. I know that I talked about this before in one of my other posts about being able to accept the issue of pooping my pants and now being able to write about it but still it's frustrating and limiting as far as what I can do. I guess on the one hand I should be thankful that I can have the resources to call somebody to come and assist me when the issue arises. I even have family members who volunteered but I just assume have caregivers outside of the family as much as I can. Like I said I'm blessed with the ability now too pay for stuff like this when I need it- - I know it will not always be that way. Perhaps I will be able to go to a point where after I've had to get rid of all my finances and go on state assistance and not have to pay for home care with my own resources maybe that'll be a lot less stressful for me. This of course is predicated on the idea that we have a support system in this country that still assists people like myself to be as independent as possible. That might be a thing of the past. And actually it will not be probably an issue for me either because the way things are going now people like myself will be carted off and executed. It's really becoming a bit of a frightening time. Until such time however I plan to keep myself as independent as possible and as much as I can not be a burden to those I love in my life. Case in point I've already canceled tomorrow's Sunday breakfast because I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold my bowel movement through the night, so I canceled. Now however if I get out of the toilet or whatever before tomorrow morning maybae I can still consider the option we'll have to see…