Lots of Thoughts

This is the end of a very sad and somewhat stressful week. We buried Gabe's and our next-door neighbors son. Granted all we had to do was attend the funerals and do small chats survivors but still that is a lot of stress. This week I found out also, that because my insurance started over again in July (July 1 begets the new insurance year meaning that I have to paydown the co-pays or whatever). I knew this was going to happen but the application of having to paydown everything again is mind-boggling and stressing when you figure that also includes my physical therapy. So each visit right now in the new insurance year my responsibility would be $35. I know $35 not seem like a lot but it is when having to deal with homecare attendants, catheters and all the other crap that I am buying support disability I just couldn't do it in. Add on top of that that pesky pleader I have in my ass, hemorrhoid that bleeds is beginning to bleed worse and worse. Where this bleeding is not necessarily painful is certainly disconcerting and means some sort of medical intervention which means some out of pocket pay.

As I mentioned my new insurance year started July 1. I've been doing therapy, physical therapy for the past five or six months. I have been fortunate in that I've gone way beyond the 12 visits my PEHP offered thanks to SB 400.SB 400 Is a piece of Utah legislation which helps people who cannot pay for their physical therapy and other things. Essentially free therapy and I was getting it. That stopped July 1 and I will not be eligible until I meet by deductible so when my therapist told me that on Tuesday I quietly, inside my head, freaked out. Really really think I can do is to quit my physical therapy which I did. My therapist had told that I was still making progress in my therapy goals but was getting close to the plateau or for justification to work with me to the insurance/SB 400 funds. I Must confess I have become used to getting physical therapy. Not only has been getting the therapy's been nice but enjoy the interaction with the staff has been sent to. We really begin to get the illusion a family and belonging but nothing like having the dollars run out to sever those ties quickly. So before Kristen to tell me to stop coming I concluded by therapy visits yesterday. Kristen was quick to say that I had not reached the plateau yet but she also understood the financial strain that out-of-pocket pay causes a family like ours. So now I am without physical therapy. I will continue to attend Wellness can take advantage of equipment and professional trainers and even some of the other folks who are at wellness. Now I don't know what will happen next month when supposedly Medicare will kick in and I should have double coverage. I'm going to have to do lots of catch up.

Because of the Medicare opportunity coming up we decided to postpone the visit with daily MD for later this month but found the closest opportunity to see daily now is the end of September. This greatly influenced Dianne who I think sunk into depression for the rest of the day and was kind spooky for me to because I think something else begin to happen with the old stenosis. I'm beginning to bleed profusely from the rectum is just another thing to begin the wear on me another thing I can't really consider until August 1 and Medicare.

For whatever reason I'm having some issues sleeping not going to sleep but waking up when I catheterize during the night just can't get back to sleep.. Some nights are worse than others in Asia make it to the day just fine but I sort of things some of this is indicative of the stress is going on my life right now. But just to be sure I still quite in love with my life and my wife and my family. I think this depression is just situational And passing.