Driver Less

I have really not been all that interested in this new phase of transportation that's begin to hit America and possibly the world. The whole concept of self driving vehicles. The whole argument seems certain like Buck Rogers in the 21^st century or whatever that was. I just couldn't figure who would really do something like a driverless vehicle.

I've been doing pretty good last couple years, living on my own here on Redwood Road thankful for the convergence of two or three accessible bus routes. I've gotten to where I want to go probably 90% of the time. I mean that's really quite amazing. I pretty much made my meetings, on the movies, Gonda restaurants met people for lunches out. Granted I still have a vehicle and that vehicle still runs and that vehicle is licensed in the state of Utah trouble is I am not. You will remember I don't know how many years ago on that fateful Sunday afternoon or morning When I got my vehicle stock and the video store, you remember those when we used to rent videotape movies that you had to take back. I was taking a video back in drove over a concrete block got stuck. That was the same year that my license expired and I let the license expire. I was still married at the time but Dianne seemed okay with chauffeuring me around whenever I needed a vehicle or go somewhere like a family function especially on holidays or weekends when the bus service didn't work. But I was a major mistake giving up my license for a host of reasons the probably most my independence. Last year I probably dumped more than $2000 into the vehicle I own not only for insurance but for general maintenance for the use of the vehicle for two days over our family reunion. That's not wise. I need to get rid of that vehicle. Right now the vehicle is back parking lot before I live in I love to go out and hang by the vehicle and read and enjoy the heat reflected off its white side. It's sort of my anchor to my former life I need to let go like a spirit needs to let go of its former life/body and get on with where spirits go with a separate from this physical reality.

Like I was saying however, I haven't paid much attention to the whole concept of driverless vehicles until the other day are more accurately the other morning lying in bed. For some reason it came to me almost as in a vision that wow! If I had the driverless vehicle it would be just like having a regular vehicle with a driver! How simple is this? I would have all the benefits of vehicle ownership and have a way to get around with that vehicle and not drive but not have to have someone else drive. This just blew me away everything made sense. Now, I am really trying to closely follow the driverless vehicle phenomenon. I doubt that I would ever get are well get a driverless vehicles but I like to think about it that would truly be the next step for people with disabilities in trying to get around. I would think about it some more…

Under Pressure

Sometimes I wonder if I will spend the rest of my days nursing butt wounds and relegating how much time I can spend being up in my chair. And I guess I'm okay with this is certainly a weird mental picture. Whenever, I have had friends who respond according to and have these massive butt wounds and they are truly regulated the bedrest for however long the wounds take to heal And to the best of my knowledge they finally did heal though some took fairly serious time and surgical intervention. There's also stories of how people lived out their days in serious consequences as wounds but they did live out their days and I got along fairly decent. So I best figures this by next chapter life wise, and possibly getting close to the final chapters. I say this and then I realize the ones that I had earlier in the week seem to be somewhat better last two days. Even going to bookclub was not much of an issue. However, now I can certainly feel pressure on my rear end.

Being the perpetual optimist I'm looking towards the advent of the upcoming wheelchair renovation and new cushion to assist me get back to a normal butt a place to word like to be. I truly believe the slow destruction of my current wheelchair cushion has been the major culprit of my sensitive tush. I mean, I think I really could do the down time if needed getting up during the day just for bathroom and meals. I don't know how long being down would take But probably not all that long. After Dana put the new dressing on my butt on Monday seemed like healing kicked in almost immediately. So I know I collect whatever problem arises with my other end. This will sound optimistic doesn't it? Or am I just whistling in the dark?

The days are going to get better temperature wise and moisturize. I should be concerned because hot days, no moisture is definitely a recipe for concern here in the West. A high-pressure system is working its self over the state and the clouds are going away in the temperatures are going to skyrocket almost 90° by next Friday. Part of me is totally excited and I guess what I was going to say was that with the hot temperatures means I will be out sitting in the shade lean back in my chair (taking the weight off my butt) reading and totally enjoying the late spring and early summer. I continue to be active With drawing class. I guess I'm on hiatus from DRAC for how long I don't know I just don't feel comfortable with their choices right now. I'm enjoying the drawing class But it's kind of depressing I just can't seem to draw the way the other kids do. I find myself making excuses to myself about why I can't draw I do not believe it has anything to do with my disability. People draw with their mouths, their feet and who knows what else. I just have to do the work put in the time just keep drawing And keeping active and keeping the pressure off my ass…

Slow Down

Remember yesterday when asked talking about the creepy bus driver? This was the same bus driver that I wrote about last week who called me out for driving too quickly. You may also remember that last week I was grousing about the size of my art portfolio that big canvas pouch that houses all of the stuff I use for my intro Drawing Class.

The portfolio is huge. The portfolio is large enough to house my seemingly huge clipboard that I have a couple of pieces of dry paper clipped to. If you've ever been on a liberal arts campus you seen the little art majors dutifully tugging these portfolios from class to class. It seems awkward for these able-bodied folks, who are young as well, consider trying to do this in a wheelchair. What I was thinking. Anyway I have figured out how to at least stuff the clipboard inside the pouch and get it zipped up – – this is no small feat – – it's getting easier to do with repetition. I've found that if I raise the foot pedals on my wheelchair up a little bit I can cradle or arrest the portfolio on my foot pedals and keep hold of the strap in my left-handed drive the power chair with my right. I'm actually getting quite efficient at doing this except on cold rainy mornings that my nemesis driver is on the route. I was cold and tired when the bus finally pulled up. The speed setting on my chair was at number four. I know I am much more accident prone at setting four and I think I really had intended to knock the speed down before accessing the bus but as trying to balance the portfolio, have my bus pass out to swipe on the meter indigo she ate getting in to the bus outs of the rain as quickly as I could. The space between the farebox and the turnstile is kind of narrow and of course going at speed four I bumped portfolio off my foot pedal, and the driver groused “I told you to turn the speed down”. I could not argue even though I wanted to all I could do is manage to say thank you and push myself past the turnstile trying not to harm anything in my portfolio. Somewhere in this time I was frustrated and that's when I somehow misplaced by bus pass though I did not really realize this until I got to class.

Now losing a bus pass is no big deal really in the scheme of things. I mean after all even if I had lost the bus pass it would be just the process of getting another. I could probably fake my way onto the bus most the time anyway not even swiping the pass. Most drivers don't even look at my pass are in my opinion even care if I have one or not. Still this was a on my mind of having lost something crucial. It put me in a funk when I could not find the bus pass in my backpack in the art class searching my backpack numerous times. I even asked the instructor look at my feet to see if I had dropped it on my foot pedals which is the most likely spot. My instructor looked at my foot pedals, not really knowing what to look for, and assured me the bus pass was not there. I was bummed out.

I bluffed my way onto the bus on the way home after drawing class. I had to get home brush my teeth rinse my mouth for an expensive dental appointment I had an hour. I've found if I tilt my chair back just the right way with my foot pedals extended up as far as they will go I can actually see my foot pedals clearly. I had a minute or two before the appointment so I lean back in my chair and raised my feet and looked in the light and then I could see totally hidden by my shoes under my shoes the white background of a bus pass. My pass was on my foot pedals and I was saved. I don't it's a little deal but in the day of disappointments it was probably the best thing happened all day. I got one of my sticks out spread my legs as much as I could and yanked the bus pass out and secured it into my backpack I was set free transit until my next careless act…

Tough Tuesday

I'm losing my caregiver who I had for little more than a year now. She's great and I hate losing her but she's got a be able to go on grow and that's good for her and who knows maybe good for me too but she's beginning to exhibit those behaviors of the soon to be gone employee. She went out of town over the holiday and had rather than getting a replacement for her I elected to wait extra day. So it was great to see her this morning but when she looked at my butt I had two wounds! I wish I could blame somebody, my OT maybe just because I don't have the cushion I need to taken so long which I think is caused the pressure wounds. I could blame my caregiver for the long vacation or blame myself for not getting off my ass as I should've but anyway. She came in early today because it's Tuesday and the class day and I had to catch the bus to get to the college.

I may have to look at changing my times that I catch the bus because at because I cut the bus at the same time the last couple classes and it's been that driver I reported on last week. Today he asked me on how fast I had my chair set, and of course he was right so there's nothing I can say but I was so flustered by the time I got done getting on the bus I just want to get off quickly when I got the college.

The rain which accompanied the overcast skies was not hard our overly cold even it was just there reminded me that this is a cold, wet spring. To the Construction Trade building when I stopped in my tracks. The ramp entering the building had been destroyed and so to head the other ramp to the building in the third. As near as I could tell all three edges ramps to the building were in ruin totally destroyed.. I felt if I thought I'd had the time and the luxury I would just started bawling right there and then. I mean this project was to take some time before they repaired these ramps.I could see myself just canceling out the rest of the drawing class. One of the folks I'd seen in the building but went to another class obviously could see I was in some distress to he joined me in rolling around the building and talking to different construction guys. We finally found the foreman said that there should be one ramp around they had rules that kind of stuff. In fact he was right at the very end on the other side of the building was one lone ramp. I was borderline distraught by the time I got to the classroom.

I couldn't find my bus pass the tap off but I could tell that he was in a hurry nice one to get rid of him. When I got to class I couldn't find my bus pass anywhere. I thought I had had a decent breakfast but obviously not enough protein can start to get a little flaky but I also just wanted to do classwork. I was feeling bad I just can't seem to draw like the other kids/people. I really appreciate the instructor because he spends time with me just like I was a paying person. Like a real student. I could bitch and moan about how awkward my clipboard is how he wants you to hold the clipboard so I get the right perspective but I just feel inadequate better many keep trying as I like having something to do even if it's an exercise in frustration that I can't get the drawings downright.

Today was the day that I had the tooth repair for the filling which broke off last week. They quoted 89 dollars, I know they did. It's always a shock when the dentist steps away from the middle of a drilling procedure they can feel the cut out tooth. There's nothing there? Except a few shards of living tooth. I can't believe the dentist has that kind of ability to make this thing last. I kept thinking to myself how can this guy do this for $89? Well he couldn't the time I got done with it added about $400 to my bill luckily they let me pay the bill off in installments. On top of that I did not choose nitric oxide I thought I should say the 40 bucks. On leaving Cindy warned me don't eat anything hard until after five a o'clock this evening. Deep sigh, I should be off my butt

Him him

Breaker Breaker

I am finding that I draw better in my bedroom. My bedroom has a pretty nice window which gives me good light and I can set my materials on the bed and sketch. This is relatively new to me so I'm still figuring things out. But early in the day I took off and took a number of images from around my neighborhood which I thought might be fun and interesting to draw. To be honest I was cramming because I had not been sketching as I should and tomorrow is class. One to have at least one hour of drawing I could report.

In my room next to my bed I have this wooden contraption built by my occupational therapist kind of a bedside organizer. I really like it's really nice there's even a spot on the side where I can keep my hooks and sticks in. I usually keep my cell phone on the flat space on top of the organizer, no big deal but today and I don't quite know how this happened but my cell phone slept and fell down that whole on the side of the organizer which is no big deal really. I really wanted to get to the drawing so I just left the cell phone in their for the time being and of course the phone rang and really that's not a big deal either. Nobody calls me, really except Robo calls but today I felt I needed to fetch the phone because I was kind of waiting to hear a call from my brother was coming over to work on my other power chair. When my frustrations in life is that I tend to pile everything on something when I have something to pile stuff on. And so us trying to tip the organizer on its side enough so that I could get one of my sticks into the hole the pull the phone out. I should mention I have a power strip hanging off my organizer with everything electrical on that side of the room plugged into it it seems. I did not realize but I have a metal device holding up the power strip and as I pulled the organizer the metal device slid in between the plug end the year power strip and suddenly a giant flash occurred in the light above my bed turned off and then I realized my arm bike no longer function in my clock radio was flashing on and off I didn't something horrible – – once again.

Finally I got the cell phone out and filled the whole and it was my brother who would called so I called them back and he let me know he was on his way over. Since, my brother is my older brother is a lot smarter than me in a whole lot of ways. He quickly ascertained that I'd somehow tripped the breaker (I love these terms). I could not believe that every electrical socket in the bedroom was nonfunctional. The bedroom had its own breaker. I should know this stuff but I don't.. My brother said there had to be a breaker box somewhere around here but we looked and looked and we could not find one. I finally called Diana the resident advisor. The phone rang and rang and finally she got on. She sound like death warmed over I felt bad that she let me know that I indeed had a breaker box and those in the short hallway from the bedroom to the bathroom. Sure enough there it was. We gone past it several times and searching for the breaker box but there was big as Dallas. My brother flipped the breaker switch on and I had power all through the room !

I got a little sketching done by the end of the day enough I won't feel too guilty tomorrow in the class that I audit…

Harmon's, Zabar's… It's All The Same

Remember in yesterday's blog? I had talked about another part of the dream that I had just before waking about someone giving pizza a bad name? Will this morning I don't know why but I kind of tripped over the last part of that dream as I lay in bed contemplating rising. I don't have the entirety of the concept that the dream that I had something to do with Harmons market Or just Harman's is a spectacular market here in Salt Lake – – if there are high-end markets, and there are Harman's is indeed one Such market. There is a Harmon's very close to the Regal theaters they share the same parking lots. Often I will go to Harmon's before I go to the movie just to make sure I have something to munch on beside sugar. I love their bakery and sometimes wander through the bakery just to smell the bread's. The produce is beyond report and I often like to sit in the little café setting they have and watch the clientele of this beautiful place. While I was employed with the state in downtown Salt Lake they opened up their downtown megastore which is just as beautiful and just as high-end. I'm sure they thought I was a homeless/bigger guy when I would show up there for lunch as I often did. The place is expensive but a joy.

The downtown Harman's in many ways reminds me of Zabar's the deli grocery store in New York City. Those who love Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in “You Got Mail” will remember that beautiful market they were in when shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. Zabar's is famous on the west side of New York City in the place to shop. I doubt that I'll ever get there but sometimes I'm in Harman's I pretend that I am shopping at Zabar's in the city. It's a wonderful fantasy.

I was really hoping that writing about my lost memory/stream would stimulate a thought process to finish out my blog suffice it to say the blog is just a blog. I was doing something in Harman's what I don't know maybe if nothing else I was just feeling secure in the orders and visual delights of a market much like to cater to those who love to spend money and knows how to do it. I finished the book by Studs Terkel today. It was an interesting read I stuck it through to the end all 640+ pages. I think it was helpful in dealing with my coming demise. The volume dealt with interviews Studs had done with many people around the world 70+ years old. I thought it was great to see what they thought about the end and their feelings about crossing over in their near future. It helped/helps as I consider the great crossing hub I just do it with is not style as these guys. Seriously, I hope I don't have to really comes to grips with this anytime soon after all and 68. I hope, I hope I have many months if not years left and maybe just maybe someday I'll go to Zabar's for real…

You give Pizza a Bd Name

 Click me

I'm getting close to 3000 published posts to this blog which kind of amazes me. Two things stand out most in my mind one is that I been added for at least 3000 days (which actually is longer because I know I've lost a year or two somewhere along the line, it seems to me) and probably even more important that I thought of that many items to write about. Sometimes I get a little lazy and my blog ends up More of a journal entry as a blog posting. You know where I just run down and enumerate everything I've done that day – – sort of like yesterday's post. Sometimes, I get worried that I'm going to dry up and not have anything to write about. I doubt if I would characterize this as “writers block” but something like that not been able to come up with “new” material. I remember when I first started out doing blogs house working at the State and would take a few minutes every day to do the blog before I started out on my regular work agenda. I told people this was my way of getting warmed up for the day and they bought it. It seems I'm, for the most part, more fresh in the morning and topics seem to come easier to me or maybe it's that was just because I was young in my mind and/brain was more elastic press now I'm sure it's very plastic. But recently, I've been doing this technique of if I wake during the night or early morning before I get up and I'm still thinking about things and even remembering things of my dream state I have to recognize decent material to blog about. My problem is trying to anchor this idea as a memory think I'll on later. I have to write it down to make it viable. I have found that since I keep a cell phone close to my bed for emergencies that I can just dictate a few sentences often in the return to those sentences during the day for a full blog entry. This works most of the time.

Last night/early this morning around 3 AM I woke and had a great idea and not so great idea. I was sleepy and I was tired, is that redundant? Anyway, I didn't write the first idea down. I kept going over over and over in my mind trying to build a memory that I could latch onto later on. Somewhere deep down I knew the second that I became more conscious and didn't write this down I would lose it entirely. I lost it. The second thought I had was coming out of the dream and I heard the strands of the Bon Jovi classic “you gave love a bad name”. However instead of love my brain was focused on the term pizza… “You give pizza a bad name”. For some reason this it seemed hilarious to me in my early morning stupor as I reached over and grabbed my cell phone and dictated the phraseology. I was so intrigued that I even pulled up the song by Bon Jovi and played through before going back to sleep. I was not overly fond of Bon Jovi are their music but I have to admit I often found myself quietly rocking out the major pieces of their music. My sister-in-law, Sheelan, (if you go to the search section at the front of the blogHer name you will see a fairly decent micro-biography of my sweet sister In law's, She She. SheShe loved Bon Jovi And I don't know a student on purpose but her hair looked just like the musicians I still miss Sheelan Terribly…

In Between Storms

Steve And me, my upstairs neighbor

I am so proud of spring this year. The little season is just trying valiantly so hard to break through the last talons of winter. Today looked hopeful after a while. The day started out somewhat overcast and forbearing and at one time significant water fill that towards late afternoon sun broke through in the clouds move back blue sky revealed itself and I actually was able to set out in the sun beaming on my face and making me feel real good. Finally, I seem to have a day to myself and I enjoyed it after Dana came did her magic. She was late almost an hour late meaning she really didn't even get to the apartment till about 8 AM. That's a long time for me to be sitting out. I got some dishes washed a few things picked up I still have a lot to do with my cleaning person coming on Memorial Day.

That's right this is a holiday weekend, a three dayer. I'm sure glad I got to Anderson's office on Thursday and had the broken tooth looked at. No pain or discomfort I should make it through tell next week when I can get in for an appointment and a teeth cleaning. I'm feeling pretty good though if I don't do the nitric oxide I feel I can get out of the office with less than $100 for the dental work. My teeth are just falling apart. I was talking with my friend Steven from upstairs today. Today was food box day or food bank day. Steve said is that I hard week they did not seem to be complaining too muchAnd he took the information regarding my broken tooth in stride saying that's whereat. Our bodies are fall apart. Steve is some what's older than I am me seems more frail but he gets along pretty good and he is certainly dealt with the whips and scorns of time that's for certain. I'm kind of glad Steven is there window is a bit of a handful, Ecclesiastical he speaking. He is certainly old-school.

I brother was over today. I asked him to look at my backup chair and just see what he could do as far as trying to somehow fix the football on to the chair. I don't think he feels very comfortable trying to find a fix for this problem. I think he will come up with something, hopefully enough to get me through the day when I have to give up my regular chair for its repair. I'm hoping even if we can just fix one of the foot boxes on the chair enough to keep me relatively safe for to reclaim the transfer and dressing in the morning I hope I'm not wearing the boy out though he looks pretty good still and I wish I was as strong as he. We kind of excited, actually did a little homework today working on the negative space assignment. I don't know how I did it but I came up with a solution that at least makes the coloring of the negative space somewhat doable and I think will be a significant improvement at least I will feel more comfortable handing in the piece come Tuesday. I can see myself having to spend a couple of hours on this project and I still need to be sketching other things for show and tell next Thursday. I actually had something started for this blog earlier and I even dictated to my machine I just don't know why it didn't save so this blog is just nothing but a log of today's events sort a kind of. I got word back from Gail my cleaning person receive be here on Monday, Memorial Day for two hours a cleaning I better make sure I have change.… I

Well Zip My Lip

I've been kind of groggy all day. I didn't sleep well last night, I awoke at one point And realized I was on the edge of the bed, on the very edge of the bed with the possibility of one or two of my legs falling off the bed and we all know what happens when that happens. It seems like I thought about draggy my legs back towards the center of the bed forever until I finally just threw back the covers and did that exact thing. This would've been a great day sleep in but I have class meaning I have to get up early.I'm surprised I did as well as I did finally decide to get up around 5:30 AM. The sounds early to me but I learned from last week when I waited till 6 AM that I just barely made it on time if I have to wait for the bus.

Bus drivers are weird if you ask me. Most of them are okay and I know that some have better days than others but I can always tell when the drivers going to be a problem luckily I learned to roll with most of the drivers now and try to let whatever they say go. This morning was a good case in point. I've got my art portfolio balanced on my foot pedals and legs. The driver pulls up and opens the door he's got one of those cold stares like I'm the last person he wanted to board on his bus. I'm trying to balance everything and having a bit of a time turning the corner past the turnstile. The driver demands that I slow my chair down and I'll make better progress. I can tell by his voice that he doesn't want any arguments since I was about ready to tell him the chair is down to its lowest point. I do a pantomime of something with my hands so that he figures I'm adjusting the speed. He fastens the back of my chair into the safety restraints but then seems miffed because he can't reach around my art portfolio and secure my front end then makes a statement that he can't reach my chair so he's not to do the front restraints – – which is fine by me I hate it when they do them anyway – – but he made it sound like a punishment for having too much stuff on my lap. All he also demanded that I turn my chair off, that seemed to be a big deal these days which I can certainly sympathize. I know I've ran over one too many toes and I'm sure with all the other folks using power chairs and getting on these buses the drivers have to take precautions. This guy was just in no mood for people today at all. There was another person in a wheelchair in the other station on the bus which caused me some consternation in turning my chair around. I wanted to instruct this dude on letting people in chairs know when one of the wheelchair stations are already taken. Had I known this I would've come on backwards to the bus making so much easier to get to the wheelchair station. This was not a good day for instruction

I informed the driver that I was just going to the committee college. It's just three blocks north of my bus stop and I figured I could deal with this guy until then and I did…

Wheeling In The Rain…

Maybe it's just because I'm becoming an old man, I remember my dad rubbing my hands even in what I thought was in just semi cool wet weather. My dad wears gloves all the time during winter which I didn't really understand.

Yesterday was the second meeting of the drawing class at the community college. My class begins early at 8:00 AM and I ride the bus directly to the college from my apartment complex just nice. I thought about dragging out my hood to take with me for my trip in case of inclement weather but I was so and am so weirded out about having to drag my art portfolio with me which is so awkward that I just decided to leave any form of protection home. My ride into the campuses without event and I was glad to start class. The sky was dark and menacing but it a much attention. Even after class the skies have not yet opened up and I needed to get to the library at the community College to set up my what they call E folio account where I can post different items particularly artwork this account that the instructor can go in and check to see that I'm doing my assignments and how well I'm progressing.

It was after 12 noon that I finished my work at the library and realized that the skies had opened up and they were waves of rain hitting the sidewalk. At one time, weather phenomenon like this never bothered me. However today I decided to buy a small lunch there at the small cafeteria and wait for the rain to subside a level space and it did at which point they zoomed across the sidewalk and down the quad to the student union work a real cafeteria exists. I grabbed some coffee dry out with a waited for yet even more rain to stop And I must confess I even grabbed a hamburger combo! Way too many calories and way to greasy. I did not know it at the time that I ordered but it was a double patty burger and I never have happened almost made me sick in fact I only ate half the burger and brought it home for dinner later.

In a moment anxiety, totally desirous to get home, I sprinted from the student center with my art portfolio balanced on my head. Looked like a caricature of graduation. But I made to the bus stop but it was cold and rainy the winds added to the pain of the rain. I was cold and I was miserable in my hands need to be rubbed and I would had I not had to hold on to my backpack with one hand in my portfolio at the other and in my misery think of my father for the first time understood his pain in the rain in those days passed.

This morning I decided I was not going to suffer any more than I had to. I was going to figure out a way to get my hands on umbrella before once again facing the elements. I went down and spoke with the building manager to see if any umbrellas happen to be laying around in fact there was. One renegade was lying in the window of the management office had done so for a couple weeks. Jennifer walked over and picked it up and handed it to me and said should let me know if its owner asked which was good enough for me.…

Rainy Day Draw

The day started off relatively nice I had great hopes for the acceptable weather day. I actually woke up somewhat excited at the anticipation of drawing class. The trip in to the college was awkward still but not as bad as the first day with the portfolio. With the clipboard and for or four pieces of paper I took out of the tablet the portfolio was much lighter blue bit easier to handle but still quite awkward particularly with the wind. The clouds were dark and menacing and I totally believed the rain would blow over.

The assignment this meeting was to read chapter 4, if I was still in my psychology study days I would say it was about Gestalt and filling in concept. I'd read this chapter before my book came in the mail last week. I didn't remember much except the upside down drawing exercise. That was part of our assignments this meeting. We had to finish last week's assignment the cattle skull and then worked on this week's assignment the upside down drawing. I must admit I was a bit skeptical going into the class not really thinking the upside down drawing would make that much difference. However, I was wrong and I raise myself as I went through the exercise came out something very much looking like the image I was copying. We worked on the project for at least 45 minutes which I feel I pretty much had completed as much as I was capable. He concluded the class by having us take our renditions with us to finish “finish” I don't know what else I could do accept clean the drawings up with an eraser. I actually did some rework on the cattle skull/Bulls skull. I will go through the motions and count the time.

Each session we have to report on how much time we spent with our sketches over the time away from class. I am just amazed at these folks putting in four and five hours of sketch time! However, I did sit behind Abby in class and watched her work on the upside down lady and she really did seem to be attending to minutia that I never would in her rendition of the image. So I guess these guys are truthful. Interestingly, again, how important the grade in this class seems to be for these kids just amazing. I'm amazed when I hear the instructor talk about what'll be docked as far as grades and the classwork. I guess as a person auditing it's hard for me to get freaked out about how much time I'm spending on each exercise.

Though the rain was not torrential coming home there was rain to the point that I dabbled at the library where I had gone to set up my E-portfolio account. The menacing dark clouds which had filled the sky were now releasing their sorrows. I waited for the rain to slack when it did I made my way over to the student center where I bought a few more things and some lunch. I just want to get home to enjoy my apartment on this cold and rainy day so I made it to the bus stop and caught the 217. So far I'm enjoying the class.…

Monday Musings

Well it's official the novelty of being in class I think has finally worn off. How I know that? Is that this morning when my home health person came she drug in this big-box that is been outside my door for I don't know how long. Probably since early this morning since yesterday was Sunday. It could've been delivered late last night but I didn't check or have been outside my door since midafternoon yesterday. Anyway, this is the big clipboard 26” x 23 ” board that I need for my drawing class. This will take the larger tablet I “had to” get to be part of the class. I assume you know that last bit is a bit of IRONY since really I don't have to do anything for my class because I'm auditing. However, I want to feel part of the group I think that's part of the reason I elected to return to school. I am hoping and praying that the board inside the carryall will make it easier for me to get back and forth to school. I took the instructor's advice and tore out a few sheets from the huge tablet of paper and I think the clipboard well make a big difference getting back and forth. I really tried to make the paper look more uniform when in the clamps on the clipboard but I can't get the paper to Conformed to my needs – – oh well. I can see why some of the students got a less thick tablet so that you keep everything together. I kind of feel classripping the sheets out is going to make a very messy drawing class.

Yesterday, I also fixed zipper pulls to the portfolio and to the small bag that came with the portfolio to house my pencils and other art media which I things conical. Was a bit of a challenge with the zipper pulls and I'm going to have to get more fishing leader but I have enough to keep me going for a while even if I get more shorts like I'm anticipating for the summer.

I've been doing some sketchiness I should homework wise and I'm beginning to worry, not a whole lot, but I'm sensing that the instruction that I'm getting is good take away from my fundamental brutality of art that I was practicing and which was reinforced by my friend in the Netherlands. I like to think I could prevent this from happening but as I learn I can sense that I'm losing my ability to use my brute-ness as part of my art. Of course that may be the real artist trait would be to then draw as the brute artist that I was/am… I don't know if that makes much sense of destiny right now I suppose that's all it matters.

I have been having Gail my cleaning person come twice a month and now for whatever reason I do not know (I think because the drying class) that the chaos in the apartment seems to be building much quicker. So I'm thinking of going instead of two weeks a month to every other week and to see if we can control the entropy.…

It's The End O The f World…

Click this

Sometimes when I watch or listen to the news I get a little uncomfortable. And I imagine hearing refrains from that R E M Song “it's the end of the world as we know it…” And I wonder is it the end of the world? It's cold today dark heavy clouds fits of rain here and there were about 10 to 15° cooler than I should be. There's tornadoes, major tornadoes in the middle of the country tearing things up and huge bags of whether here and there across the world dumping literally billions of water onto people causing great floods. This has got to be biblical. But as near as I can tell people are trying to roll with the punches. I guess as long as it makes news regardless of what it is everything's all right.

My butt has hurt less today than yesterday – – this is a good thing right? – – When I went to bed last night I swear I had an open wound on my butt and try to take an image of the culprit but that was a no go. I put stuff on my butt last night before I went to bed and then I put Bag Balm this morning and actually that side of my butt has felt good all day long, comparatively speaking. I seem to be confused. I am thankful that my but seems to feel better. I even toyed with the idea of laying down during the day but I have not felt the need to. Weather for tomorrow looks somewhat brutal which will ensure that I'll stay inside, again. Plus, I want to take it easy so that I'll be able to go to class on Tuesday without issue and later on to book club on Thursday again without issue. I would hate to think that my life as boil down to just two short outings a week but maybe so. The problem I'm running into of course is the cushion so I cling to the hope that with the new cushion I should be getting somewhat soon this will allow me to be more active again. Note to self, call OT tomorrow and see about getting that cushion or calling the vendor about a possible lender. Which sounds gross.

I don't know if it's the advent of the class, art class, but it seems like the apartments gone to hell quickly. Stuff is collected all over the floor I need to sweep the floor in the kitchen again and it's almost time to wash clothes again. The weeks just keep rolling around but a gift. I'll be contacting Gail soon see if she can come over a little bit sooner than usual maybe tomorrow since she likes to come on Mondays. It's not like I'm doing that much more with the drawing class , Even if I'm drawing the half hour it shouldn't miss up the rest of the day timewise. Even with the drawing blog (and I don't intend to make the blogs 500 word segments like this blog). I should have the time to get that done during the day. Time management is just organization and I am capable of that aren't I…

New Blog Saturday

I cannot believe I'm letting a class that I'm auditing stress me out. I mean it's not really stressing me out but for sure I'm feeling some pressure. One of the tasks of the class is to draw half an hour every day except Sunday. I want to be a good class participant but it's been hard for me to force myself to sketch for a half an hour the days since the class began. I don't know what it is is I like sketching and I like doing art but now because it's required I'm bristling against it. So I spend a great deal of time getting ready to do this project but I can't get into doing the project. But I got to thinking I think one way I could achieve this project might be to develop a blog specifically for my art side. Funny I almost said “Artist” side. Not yet. Well I'm self-centered enough to want to show my work and my progress and what better way to annotate my journey in doing some formal art classes. More in the area of the art project that I received an email today indicating they've shipped my clipboard and that it should be here tomorrow – – I don't understand that since tomorrow is Sunday and no mail travels on Sunday – – the problem I found with this email also is that it's specified the size that I ordered but also indicated that the clipboard was much smaller than what I ordered which is sort of confusing. Not to be a defeatists but that certainly would be my lot to get the smaller clipboard and then have to go through the whole process of returning the clipboard and trying to get what I want. I've not been very happy today not because the day is overcast and somewhat rainy, I actually went to the market and its shopping, it's the fact that my butt is sore the right cheek now seems to be breaking down! I can't get a break sometimes I worry that this will be something that plagues me for the rest of my life and yes I know I'm old and that the rest of my life at best is probably going to be 10 years but still that's 10 years of low grade pain/inconvenience/worry about being independent. I get around long-term depression by saying the pain is situational and that as soon as I get a better cushion and my next chair things will get better. I don't know if this is the case but I truly want to believe. And I'm hoping all things that it is. I even had Dana tape up my butt pretty significantly to no avail evidently. I think it's the cushion. I'm even thinking of trying to put one of the other cushions in then trying to put pressure significantly on my people come this Monday because I don't want to spend the summer on my back and that's that. Just another comment about the new blog. It took me forever to figure out how to do a new blog spend more than 10 years since I started this blog. I think I figured out however I've got something up but I'm kind of excited because I can see how it will focus me on producing to have something to put up. I doubt that I'll be as consistent as I've done with this particular document who knows though it's just fun being kind of creative…

Check the hot link below to go to Meadowlarks Art.
Meadowlarks Art

Once You're A Jet

Finally a day to myself. I'm kind of glad the day was so overcast and cold and even wet. It was a perfect excuse to stay inside the whole of the day. I wandered down to the front of the building once to check my mail just for something to do. I did engage into a light conversation to couple the other residents briefly but that was it. Had the day been somewhat better our the rain or lack of rain more predictable I would've considered going down to the community college in setting up my E profile which I'm supposed to do. I did do the reading however, for the next class chapter 4. It really seems that I've read this book before. I know that I've had it but I didn't think that I had actually read it. The book we are being taught from is a new addition of the book but it's pretty much just the same volume with a few new things. I don't know why but today's chapter was a little intimidating. The has exercises in that which is I'm supposed to draw images from the left or right side of my brain – – I know it sounds kind of hokey but I'm going to give it a shot I am going to be compliant as much as I can. The exercises one is to draw an image freehand and the other is to draw an image upside down something to do with going from the right brain to the left brain and that's pretty important point of this book. I just cannot get over how familiar this stuff sounds I can't remember reading the book. So, I read the chapter then went online to “Canvas” to see if there is anymore assignment for Tuesday. I'm supposed to be drawing one half hour a day except for Sundays. I don't know really what to draw or if doing the exercise from the chapter (I'm wondering now if he wants us to do the chapter exercise in class Hum? And again, I don't even know why why I am even investing as much stress as I seem to be since I'm just auditing the course. I'm being referred to as a student now of Salt Lake community college. I haven't paid my for my audit I don't know if the audit would count as being a member of the student body even though I am getting emails suggesting that I am. I noticed reading from my campus emails that West side Story started today on South Salt Lake campus. I tried to find out how much it cost but they hide that pretty well except for if you're a student you get one ticket free! That cat information would be valuable or I would be even interested in purchasing a real live senior adult ticket if there is such a thing. It just seems I cannot get enough West side story.

I called Blicks and the new boards not come in yet 45 boards have been ordered and will come in next week some time but I ordered a board from Amazon and it'll get here when it gets here I think the board cost about 13 $14 to the ad that to what I've already spent or looking at maybe $91 or so.

Dana my home health person reinforced the information that she will be leaving shortly is my home health person. I'm glad she got the job at the University she'll do well. I gave her a great recommendation on hopefully they'll help solidify her position. I just hate the thought of having to break in another person. Dana was my person for a little over a year which is a bad I guess…

Second Thoughts?

Boy, I woke up this morning having second thoughts about art class. Actually the second thoughts started yesterday when I picked up my art supplies, or part of my art supplies. I bought most of the big items yesterday the tablet, and art bag, a few pencils and my toll is about 67 bucks. As I wrote yesterday luckily I had space on my credit card put this purchase on. I had the salesperson hang the bag on the back of my chair to get home and I really didn't deal with it again until I went to bed but I noticed the bag and slid all the way down the back of my chair was kind of dragging on the ground. I was not able to free the bag until this morning right before I got up. My art bags heavy! The bag is heavy and awkward maybe when I get a big clipboard in it and will give it a little bit more sturdiness right now it's a real pain in the butt to try to tote around. I just have to find the clipboard now. I have to admit I was a little bit discouraged trying to get from the apartments to the college and negotiating the bus and my art bag.

As I made my way to class this morning I noted that I didn't necessarily need to bring the whole bag probably just the clipboard in my pencils and stuff. When the ideas that the instructor gave yesterday was just using a few pieces of paper at a time on the clipboard therefore not having to lug around the huge amount of paper. This is not a half bad idea. The class itself was less than totally rewarding the kind rewarding. A guy do some workarounds on the big bag put on some zipper pulls in such should make it easier to work with. Need sharpen my pencils and dig up my erasers then I'll feel more at ease I believe.

This was not an exercise but I don't know what else to call it but the instructor had everybody displayed the sketches they had been working on since we met on Tuesday. Everybody had to turn their “horse” around with their work on display and then we had to go around and look at everybody's work as they explained the piece or pieces as they had their turn. It was kind of fun. I got a fairly decent critique from the instructor but now I wish had done more and work harder at the pieces I produced. Maybe this coming Tuesday I'll feel more accomplished. We actually sketched today. We sketched the skull took about an hour under still not done. I found this pretty difficult. I want to blame my disability as far as holding a pencil, sketching and then sketching what I'm supposed to be sketching and have a look halfway decent. And I must remember this is a class and I'm learning to do this stuff so it is going to be weird at first until I can get some skills down. Yes, like I said I didn't think it was going to be easy but I didn't think taking an art class was going to be be this hard either. And maybe I'm just feeling inadequate arts the first-time jitters as I figure out how to transport all the stuff I need to back-and-forth the class. I think I've done the major cash outlay for the class but is true now I appreciate art majors a lot more. They really did have to put out a lot of money for their materials. I did overhear a lot of my fellow classmates talking about how expensive it was for them and how difficult it was going to be but they just seem to cringe and go with it again I can appreciate this I did my cringing as well…

Pay The Piper

One of my favorite memories of growing up was returning to school after the summer and gain the supply list. Paper, pencils, Elmers glue, scissors everything that goes well structured desk. I never really worried about About the financial impact outfitting me for a new school year had on the family that will multiplied it by four times when the little kids all got into school. This must've driven my parents crazy and I never knew.

I woke this morning from the Halo effect from my first day in class 4.know how long. I woke it 3:30 AM and before I could get back in the sleep my mind had shifted into full gear about things I might be sketching in my art class and how I might do these sketches are whatever. I must admit I'm a little confused. I mean I know that I'm just auditing this class but everything seems to point that I'd need to treat this like I was really expecting a grade of the best possible grade I could get which is not the case.

I had lunch today with Lori my friend who is also beginning classes soon and we figured we'd better have lunch together before we both got so busy there be no time. I should've gone earlier in the day to get my school supplies that did not. 230 are 3 o'clock I accompanied Lori to her bus stop and took the train further north To the 21^st Street station than to the Blick Art shop. I was really hoping I had what I needed at the apartment but the more I read the supply list the more I needed to just get what I needed get home. I need the big tablet, and one of those big carrying cases that art majors always seem to have. Charcoals, pencils, erasers and a clipboard (again, I thought I had a clipboard that was suffice but it's too small I find). The reason I met the Blick shop is because the community college did not have the supplies needed for the class which I thought was kind of strange. Mr. Carley, the instructor, indicated that sometimes campus art store will have the whole packet stuck together that you need for the course. That would've made sense if Mr. Carley at action set down and requested such packages be put together with the obviously did not. Therefore I hoped the 21^st St. store would have what I needed. They had everything pretty much except for large clipboard which I will have to wait until their order comes in means another trip. I still have to get a few more things to fully integrate in the class. I knew this was going to cost more than anticipated. Don't know why I was shocked and surprised when I got my bill $60 plus! I guess somewhere in my past that heard how expensive an art major was but I didn't pay much attention, now I do. Luckily, I've kept my credit card paid to zero which means I can absorb this unplanned for cost readily but I wish I did not have to. Then I got to thinking why am I being so literal in getting these materials when I'm just auditing the class I mean does it even matter if I turn anything in? I just need to sit there and enjoy the lecture and watch the other folks squirm I assume. So to that end I maybe just about finished with my expenditures for art this summer term. I kind of doubt will be in autumn term.…

Teacher Teacher

There's just something special about starting something new, usually anyway, I did today. I started my new class at Salt Lake community college or SL C C. I have a few reservations just because my butt little bit and I just have a hard time being up right now not that I'd be down for any other reason. Anyway, I figure since I have my class early in the morning and have done at noon maybe I can get away with some time in the art saddle for a while.

My intro to drying starts at 8 AM. I searching my time this morning getting up at 6 AM piddling around the apartment did in the bid of breakfast and coffee then dressed and out the door. I caught the bus still got to the campus about 7:30 AM. Got a cup of coffee and headed to the building, to yesterday. There is major construction going on in the hall but really did not look like a place where classes will be in 15 minutes. I went around trying to find somebody with some administrative responsibility could direct me to wear my class might be because surely this construction made class impossible. I was wrong. I found somebody over by the computer room on the other side of the building we checked and sure enough that's where the class was supposed to be in by the time I got back to the classroom there was a gathering of students. Quiet non-engaging hanging around. Finally, a youngling what's out for sure was another class member except that he was too well-dressed, smiled too much but you all the same. Look like a young Republican. He was carrying a large arts case, you know what those bag like things art majors carry. Sure enough he was Mr. Clary.

I surely wish I had

spent that time, looking for the administrator, taking a quiz as the lecture began, not really a lecture by day class overview. It's funny how quick things change into feelings. I must remind myself that everybody else here is pretty much going to this class for credit. There is serious and want to make sure they are doing exactly what they have to do to get the grade. We of course did one of those things of going around the circle everybody telling everyone else who they are, the major, why are they in the art class, was the most impressive thing you ever drew, what is your favorite television show and something else I cannot remember. Basically one of those touchy-feely things. I held out as long as I could maybe 90 minutes and the class before I finally raced out and found the bathroom. I've got a remember this place is a technical college very little room for people with disabilities. There actually doors of the old knobs on them. I got trapped in the bathroom a little bit but not bad after I moved the garbage can away from the door had space to back up and opened the door at the same time. When I got back I read was gone except Mr. Clary. Kind of felt bad not really. I've got a lot to do and a lot of stuff to get. Exposed to draw 30 minutes a day which is good that you be good for me. I also have to read a chapter before the next meeting to be Thursday. I download a PDF of the book which should get me through until the order I put in gets here next week or so. It's kind of rigor and that's good that's what I need I think. Still I hold card is that I'm auditing and good do just enough to have fun and not sweat the heavy stuff after all I am the senior…

School Jitters

 

 

CT138 is on the right looks forlorn

I did it, I finally got myself registered for school! This is been quite a challenge for me but I noticed yesterday that classes are actually starting today! I couldn't believe it I thought I had until next week. But no it was today-actually, the class I'm interested in begins Tuesday morning at 8 AM (I know that's redundant but it's good effect). I really didn't want to saddle up and get on campus but I thought I better if I'm serious about exploring this opportunity to draw are to learn to draw correctly. I figure if nothing else I can make sure that I'm registered and then find out for sure which building my class well be in and find the room.

I was kind of surprised, maybes because classes resume today in its summer quarter or summer school are however they designate classes offered over the summer. There were about the same number of vehicles in the parking areas that were there on Friday or Thursday when I was there last. There are a few more kids in the student union area in the cafeteria but not many. But I circled the perimeter a few times then zeroed in on the registrars office where where I can find out about my class and whether I was in it or not. Turns out that I am. I have until the end of May to pay my “tuition” I don't know what the call is if you are not degree oriented but I have till the end of May. I guess this is good because if I start class and I don't like it I at least is not paid for it. I'm a little nervous and a little bummed just because I elected to take a Tuesday Thursday class at 8 AM. This is going to cause me to miss my Assist, Inc. meetings when they have them and my coffee group on Thursday mornings not really a problem at least as the coffee group goes. I am a little concerned about missing my volunteer commitment to Assist. We'll have to see how plays out. The big problem now is I don't know if I'm going to be able to actually go to the classes. Over the weekend and I believe because of the cushion issuesI have been having I'm experiencing skin breakdown. I seem to have a pressure sore, a decubitus ulcer Grrr. I'm kind of in the denial of how serious this might be. I had my home health person, Dana, take me up this morning when she looked at it in the plan is to see if it gets worse and if the ulcer does get worse take an image of it and send it to my care provider. I don't have a lot of faith in my care provider but will have to go through the process. I just need to get another cushion and now I need to heal up this won't. I'm trying to press releases much as I can. I should be in bed I know but the days are just too damn nice now to sacrifice. I know I'll pay the price in the end (excuse the pun). Life goes on and so do I.

So, I find out that Intro To Drying is in room 138 of the C T building.I was hoping that the CT had some exotic meaning like cosmos technology or something but I found that it was Construction Trade. Oh well, the building houses the room and the room houses the knowledge. However I did find out for the building was and headed over there. It was kind of eerie because there was hardly anyone in the building primarily construction folks, and no that's not a joke, there's some sort of building going on. I had a hard time finding the room and finally I did at the end of the hallway that looked really uninviting and almost frightening and vocational sort of way. The door was locked in the Windows too high for me to look through but I can't imagine this room having art class. But we shall see. Tomorrow at 8 AM when this class starts I plan to be there bright smiling trying not to aggravate my butt…

A Tale Of Two Mothers

 

This is a hard one to write. A bit of a challenge to contain but probably should be said in 500 words. However, this is a unique opportunity for me to write about a mother I never knew that somehow now, I feel like did know in the bizarre almost surreal kind of way. But I am one of the lucky ones. I have two moms. Two mom's who would would sacrifice everything for me I know this because they basically did I cannot believe this last year at finding my birth mother. I thought, really thought that would never happen. But, I did find my birth mother and most of my birth family! Which I thought was beyond all odds.

I think a piece of information that was withheld for me in my life was that my mother Maurine had to have known my birth mother Dubi since Dubi was living with my grandmother and grandfather until I was born. Not only did my mother no Dubi but I'm sure my my aunt Elaine as well. Yet, they never shared this information with me except for a few lines in one of my mothers are grandmothers journals with a talk of Dubi just in passing. Those two new a lot more than they let on. I don't know what difference it would've made and I certainly don't fault them for withholding this information. It's not like I would have gone searching. In fact I'm quite surprised that I'm finding that I am having some basic feelings toward my birth mother Dubi. The more I studied her image especially in preparation for this posting. I'm seeing things in her face that somehow relate to me or I to it. It's almost like I can understand the way she's holding her face in the minimal smile she's exhibiting.

My adoptive mom, who basically I still claim is my real mother “real” being relative (excuse the pun). Maurine worried over me with my many temperatures as a child, almost severed leg on Thanksgiving 1956, and perhaps most notably suffer through my broken neck and rehabilitation and on top of that dragged me across town to high school that was all on one floor because of my wheelchair. Marine wash my clothes, cooked my meals, shared by most intimate secrets as well as mistakes. She also endured my many marriages. She was always there. She never hid for me the information that I was adopted and she always seemed thankful that I “came” to her either by chance or by spiritual intervention. Either way I have two moms and that's fine with me, I love them both and him forever in their debts, happy Mother's Day…