I really should have gone to work Thursday but I was so intimidated by the prep for this week’s colonoscopy that I took the day. I fasted all day as I wrote, but drunk huge amounts of liquid and again that is part of the prep possibly the worst part of the prep; having to drink four liters of cold, semi-sweet mucoid( I may have made this word up but I am going to keep the word meaning thick, slippery) substance. The wring on the outside of the bottle suggests the liquid is tolerated better if chilled but I doubt chilling would make much difference—it was like tying to drink four liters of Gatorade all at once. This of course was followed by literally sitting on the toilet all night long, mind you I started the process about seven o clock in the evening ( and I was late starting).. Dianne was great packing me with blankets, pillows and parkas to make me as comfortable as I could be.
Its just easier to stay there on the throne rather then having to make a mad dash for the porcelain all night especially if you have limited body movement, believe me. The night was long but survivable, the doc tells me I will have to do this again in five years and if I am still round then I am going to drag my lap top into the bathroom me and watch movies on Hulu all night long. The lack of food was not bad, I was food numb after the first six hours or so. I must admit I did have difficulty separating my butt from the toilet seat when it was time to shower and get ready for the appointment. My butt was “ringed”. We took a picture but good taste proscribes I leave the image out of this document.
I had the colonoscopy at University Hospital. Hospital and staff were nice but strange—everyone and I mean everyone acted so sweet I could barely stand it. Staff acted like they had all just exited a staff meeting on how to make friends and influence people. Thankfully we were taken to Endoscopy where I was heaved onto a gurney and off I went. They had already put the tubes in including the mouth piece I was going all the way under. Actually I was having two procedures EGD Esophagogastroduodenoscopy and the colonoscopy. I of course was knocked out and soon I was “back” in recovery doing just fine at least I felt fine just a little bloated I thought was normal since part of the procedure is the docs fill you with air and the big joke is to have everyone fart as much as they can in recovery. I guess I did not fart quick enough and my doc as well as /Dianne were becoming concerned that perhaps the doc has nicked the side of my colon when she snipped the polypus and I had a perforated colon! I could not believe everyone was getting totally concerned and there was serious discussion of rolling me back into the OR for surgery to repair the colon!!! I was not concerned—I felt great and don’t think I would have felt as good if she has nicked something. Everyone was pushing on my stomach all stated how hard it felt! Luckily soon I ‘cut a big one” , and another and another, I felt like “Charlie” in Willy Wonka in the C Factory when he burped to lower him self in the carbonated drink section of the factory. I was A-OK and soon I was out of there.
So survived taxes and my two procedures, I should be OK for another five years. I need to live bigger.
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