February Fade Out

 And so ends another perfectly good month and I'm suffering here in my bedroom trying to get over the cold I somehow picked up somewhere last week. First I thought it might have been allergies and well, you the constant reader, knows how that all went and how yesterday I went to try to find medical intervention for this and that didn't work either. So today I'm home trying to be good and not get too caught up in saving myself. In fact I just ordered another phone order of groceries that will have four cans of chicken noodle soup it's grapefruit and an oranger too. It all adds up pretty fast. I figured I can count it all under medicinal supports for my current dilemma. I even threw some potato chips in there to make sure that I had salt in my diet since I'm trying to increase the liquid intake to my system. Case in point I even ordered another 89 oz of orange juice! And I should not be doing it because there are so many calories in orange juice but I think the vitamin C in the fact that it's liquid far outweigh the issues of weight gain and diabetes LOL. That coughed my brains out again last night I didn't think it was as bad as the night before and I think I kind of slept better but I sure woke up a lot it seemed like like almost every hour I remember looking at the clock. Actually what if I was really asleep and dreaming that I was looking at the clock I love the clock dream paradox- - I just made that up that's what I believe. I'm doing okay today I feel the little groggy but more groggy and sit from coughing than anything else. Melissa found a bottle of night time cough medicine behind my window shades and I have a bottle for daytime coffee but I haven't taken any yet. It seems like it's kind of productive cuz don't you want to hack out all that scrub and credit on your lungs and when pipe that's results of the fever you may have had and whatever the sickness that you may have had. That stuff is just hanging around and you got to cough it out sooner or later don't you? I don't know I wish I did. Because I always invest in the cough medicine but if you take it and you don't cough are you defeating the whole purpose? We'll see. I'm supposed to have a meeting with one of my friends today at coffee shop that didn't go and tomorrow I canceled my coffee meeting with another friend that I usually have Saturday morning coffee. I cannot wait to get back into my groove as soon as this whatever it is passes.

Oh, so ends another perfectly good month, a short month I'll Grant you if it's another month, rents are due with the host of other items that need to be paid for, kid letters have to go out with the money, so far I can cover everything but if the commander-in-chief or what I like to say the Commander in grief wants to start chopping my support Monies then I'm in a world of hurt as all of you with disabilities living off the same Federal money. That includes you seniors out there disabled or not you know what I mean you know who you are. I think it's going to be a great month looking forward to March and to the spring there in…

Street trauma

  I've been coughing my brains out today. Now that I said it I need to tell you why okay? I'm trying to get on with my life even though I'm in the middle of these coughing fits I just need to get through the day and get through the morning and evening and get my documents dictated and posted. I didn't even go to coffee today which I never missed. I mean after all I'm coughing coughing coughing so I don't know if I'm coughing germs or just coughing anyway I decided I would go to InstaCare and go to the the doctor. I didn't before not very often but I have done it before so I didn't have that much of a problem and since the day was going to be sunshiny cold but sunshiny I figured I'd be okay- - wrong! Like I said I've been there before and I knew I could just take the bus straight from the bus stop straight into the individual who has adding a few individual folks who just wanted to ride the bus but of course unknown to me they are tearing up the highway or the road which means that the sidewalk and road that I wanted to go down is shut down now for repairs probably forever. I held on a little hope that then left some way to get across the major Street to where are the. Of course there is nothing like that and I really didn't know when the next bus was going to come around even if it's two buses in an hour so it's not that long wait but it seemed to be I waited and waited and waited it was cold. The sunshine is playing this sad little game of exposing itself but not warm enough to use the extra Sun as a warming device. I did eventually stretch out on my chair with chair spread out and I laid my chair back as much as I could and then covered myself with a a cold piece of clothing that worked a little bit but not much. Fortunately the bus eventually did come pick me up and I even toyed with the idea of rather than going on the Scout finding exhibition to find some more tape but I had a spaz in my foot was off the foot pedal and when I tried to pull it back in it took my whole shoe off at this point I just wanted to go home turn on some Heat and Netflix and just zone out for the rest of the day which I kind of did. End up watching some weird series on Netflix / Disney and that was okay but I only had eight episodes. I got my shoe on the floor and heat up some of the last night's Pizza and enjoy the rest of the day …

Jazz night pizza night!

 

It's halftime and I thought I would take this moment to update my blog and not wait until after the game. Hell, I may not even get back to the game they're losing again and sort of painful yet at the same time the players are making some progress here and there and that's a team on a hole I guess they're doing okay but they just got themselves dug into a pretty deep hole right now that I don't know if they have the time or the status or the grit to get themselves out. I doubt the lads will be able to to pull it off. I just saw the upside if I keep myself up until pretty late tonight maybe I'll get a night's sleep in. Last night I went to bed around 10:00 and finally probably got to sleep around 10:30 and then I was awake at 4:00 a.m. this morning I never got back to sleep. I'm also going through some kind of a disease process right now or at least I think so my caregiver is pretty much sold on the idea that it might be allergies- - and she could be right. I've never had these kind of allergies before but maybe it's my time of life still I just want to be careful that I don't get something that well take me out like a dummy.

Today was cold and it looked beautiful the sun was out shining brightly but a cold wind was out at the North and therefore I just couldn't go outside especially now that I'm beginning to hack and cough my head off. Sniffles and during the night I had some kind of a sore throat and it could be just allergies but I'm certainly milking it for all it's worth. I don't know if I'll be going outside tomorrow much either. If it's a little bit warmer and there's sunshine maybe I'll go out and sit in the Sun as much as I can stand. That couldn't hurt me either the good dose of vitamin D. I actually made pizza tonight 9/10 because it was a jazz night I wanted to feel like it was doing something special as far as the Utah Jazz go and having kind of a game night atmosphere. The pizza is okay. I liked it well enough but it certainly not like something I would order from Domino's. I ate a quarter of the pizza tonight and I'll have a piece or two tomorrow before I go to coffee in the morning. I actually also had half of the Mexican I brought home last night for lunch and I have almost half of the tamale dinner left as well so I'm checked out for tomorrow as well food wise. I need to mix another batch of concoction so I can keep working on my fiber intake in Hope of making some better poops. Today was another sad offering but better than the last two sessions at the toilet. I think I might be dehydrated so I need to increase my liquid and see if that will make a difference by Friday today was food box day and of course I don't get a food box but I get the leftovers of people who do get food boxes and don't want what's in there. I picked up a loaf of bread which will last me a week or so if not no longer. So all in all said a pretty good day let's just hope I have a good night now I will take the bottle of cough medicine to bed with me just in case…

Weathering the day

 I'm feeling a little under the weather tonight I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something or I'm just tired and perhaps a little dehydrated. It was a busy day for me I had to go down to Salt Lake to my assist Inc meeting this morning. Today was fairly comfortable but not as warm as it was yesterday. It was a few degrees cooler but I found this great sweatshirt I don't know where it came from but it certainly hides my girth which is good and it keeps me warm. I was able to get off a little earlier than usual for my Tuesday meeting which gave me enough time to hang around the library ask some questions. I thought sure they were people that helped with book binding. I almost thought that they were the ones you could take a book to and they would bind it for you but not Salt Lake City Library. So I'm back to square one on the Bible binding concept. I think I'm going to have to just go to one of the stores where they sell all the little things for people's projects. I'm sure there's a kit one could get for book repair- - I know there's one you can get on the internet but I'm not sure what I'm buying when I do that I'm not quite sure what I want. I know that I'm going to have to have a at least one back to glue onto the Bible itself I noticed a day that they're still the front page of the book is still there so basically all I really need is the one panel and whatever it takes to cover it and glue it all together. It probably won't be a professional light job and it won't look the best but as long as the book is held together and is readable that's all I really care about. I was pretty partial the grandfather Harker I don't know if he really like me but you always kind of put up with me as a grandfather supposed to do and did a few grandfather day things with me. I just may have been too young for him at the point in time that I came into his life. But I like the size of the font on his Bible makes reading a documents like the Bible a little bit easier. The fact that's my grandfather's Bible makes me look cool is that bad or what?

While I was at the library it seemed like everybody was coughing or there was some creepy coughing going on around me. There's not much you can do in a public place short of wearing a mask and I wish I had worn a mass and I'm just wondering if somehow being coughed on today is working its way into me now. I hope not I just don't need any respiratory battles going on right now. Perhaps I'm listening too much too closely to the problem that the popes going through with his respiratory challenge. I came home from the library and was able to get on to the arm biking did my 60 minutes. It was a bit of a challenge but I got through it but I'm finding I'm just coughing a little bit more tonight then I would like to. Perhaps some good rest and resting up tomorrow will

My Monday bitch

Are you all so tired of me bitching about my chair my power chair that you're really just to give up on the blog entirely? But it's true my chair is the bane of my existence a true love hate relationship to say the least. When the chairs functional it's great I love the chair but it's lack of attention has allowed it to get so dysfunctional that I'm having a difficult time existing in the chair now. I'm going to have to break down relatively soon and see if I can send it in for some more repairs. It gets a little dicey at this point in time because the chairs like is in its 5th Year of existence as my chair and I think the company is going to dump anymore money into his repairs if I'm just going to get another chair in another year hopefully. My headrest now has messed up somehow and I've got to get it looked at. The headrest now is all caddywampus and it works to a certain degree but I don't know how long I can trust that it's going to hang on to the back of my chair it feels totally loose and squirrels all over when I try to put my head back. I think it's a relatively quick and easy fix the foot box is another question entirely it's not necessarily the football itself as much as the padding it goes over the foot box and around it that's supposedly keeps your feet securely inside the foot box. My spasms are so significant and I use my foot box so much in my dressing and undressing that I put a lot of pressure on the padding which is really only adhered to the foot box by velcro patches that after a few weeks or months the velcro wears out and the pressure of my body against the padding just pushes it off the foot box altogether and also when it's bunched up as it tends to do it makes my foot sit crazy inside the foot box all bent over to one side. It really makes you look like a poster boy for some major program of some sort. It's uncomfortable to say the least somewhat painful to the point that I've got sweat pouring off of my neck which happens now whenever I I'm in some kind of pain whether I know or I don't know. The body knows. This is a fairly new phenomenon for me I think I briefly talked about it. For spinal cord injured individuals who can't feel pain for instance many times when they are in pain their body will begin to sweat sometimes profusely until what's causing the pain is identified, isolated in the pain problem is removed. I know what the problem is in my case it's my feet and the shoes that I'm wearing the spasms in my feet causing my feet to roll over on bunions or whatever those things are called bumps on your feet which are really painful when pressured. When I put my shoes on myself for some reason I don't get these issues but when Melissa puts on my shoes when she dresses me it on the mornings when she's here I almost immediately start experiencing pain from my feet. Today I finally had to stop what I was doing take my shoe off my left foot and put it back on after that I was fine. As I've discussed before if I'm going to get my chair fixed that means I have to give it up for a day and I hate to do that so I have drug my feet so long and getting problems fixed. I'm at such a discomfort level now that I'm willing to take that step and maybe tomorrow or Wednesday make the phone call to give up my chair for some kind of repair I hope..

Sunday's short words

 I think I'm just about Netflix out. Seriously, I turned the flat screen off after 5:30 news this evening. I was kind of thinking of trying to find something to watch on Netflix or one of the other platforms that I have access to and for some reason I just was not enthused enough to even track anything down. Watched a couple of Netflix hours this afternoon and this morning after I came home I'm following breakfast with the kids which seems to be our current Sunday tradition. I watched one movie that I'd seen before which was pretty good actually but that's what best I like about Netflix is the ability to watch something over again as many times as wanted to stand. I didn't like the series at first seem to drive me crazy but little bit by a little bit I got into a couple of the series and now I'm kind of interested in a good series that has lots of episodes enough to carry me through a long period of time if need be but I guess after a certain amount of time of exposure I just burn out and we'll have to take a break until my patience builds up again to the point where I can sit there long enough to enjoy the whole video experience. This Behavior has been somewhat beneficial the last couple of months actually of winter when I'm basically trapped inside my apartment. I know there are a number of things I could be doing besides netflixing but Netflix was a great out. I'm writing this late on Sunday night. I'm at the end of my viewing day by all means. I spent some time doing the word puzzles I generally do and I'm a little burnt out on that as well. If it weren't Sunday I could spend some time cleaning up but since I don't do anything work-wise on Sunday that has to wait till Monday at least. So I know this is way short of the 500 Words I would like to have written but it'll have to do for this day.

Saturday satisfaction

 Finally a decent day for traveling, although I didn't do much I did get dressed up a little bitheaded out in to the almost clear early spring sky. I wasn't going far just to the market across the street to pick up a few things for this evening- - you know take advantage of treats for the Utah Jazz game. I'm in the middle of it now we're losing of course- - it's halftime and I think we're down like six or seven points. I don't know if the boys will have it in them to climb out of this hole they seem to be making a value of effort however. I haven't seen them make a stupid moves as I have seen them doing earlier this season. I can feel myself becoming weaker as far as self-discipline goes. Remember I indicated I was basically going to use the shopping feature where the Market does the shopping for you and drops it off at your house and some cases actually puts the groceries on the table I think they would even put them away from me if I asked- but I'm not there yet. I asked for my regular box when I got to the market. I always go over to the fresh vegetables and such and I've Got a Friend there who will pull one of the good cartons I can use for lap basket. There's something about an empty lap box that desires to be filled. I had a quasi list when I came in to the market just the usual so fresh fruit, dairy products I eat cottage cheese and ice cream products. Today I got some Asian food which kind of excites me but the packages I'd like to have gotten was a larger package that would have been much too big for the basket. But I thought to myself I should make a note of this so the next time I purchase something for home delivery this is on the list. And I noticed myself doing this on more and more items but I think are too heavy or awkward to carry on my lap and this is true but still I'm beginning to spend more than I anticipated which kind of freaks me out. I soothe Myself by telling me I'm just getting stuff that I kind of need. The heavy things like the fresh vegetables I eat broccoli, lettuce, grapes etc etc things that I would and will purchase myself and not leave for the poor overworked marketing staff. I got chips and Frozen Craven treats. I even got bananas, baby carrots and way too many grapes. I'm such a sucker for the grapes if they're even halfway firm I'll purchase 2 lb. Craven is the company that's associated with the market that makes all the items similar to those manufactured by big name corporations. This group of individuals make parts of the Asian dinners that I've always wanted to try but have been somewhat intimidated. I bought some beef and broccoli as well as generalized Food Group. I eventually wanted to get more of these items but when I feel more comfortable doing the phone purchasing.

It was not a huge trip to the market but I got a better grasp of things I can order via the Internet and I keep saying things like I want to keep doing my own shopping for things that are important like fresh vegetables and such. I don't know how long I'll hold out but I can sense myself even now as spring turns into summer going over to see the food I want to purchase and purchase the food I want to eat. I hope I get to see another winter that would be nice…

Fridays frustration

 It's halftime so I figured this would be good space to do some dictation to the blog. It's not like I'm really going to watch much more of this game they're already deep in the hole so deep that I don't think there's a chance anywhere that they're going to be able to get out. It's the first game back from the mid season break where they play all these All-Star games. It's really quite confusing to me I guess it's a way to stretch out the season I don't know but it looks like it's going to be a bad second part of the season for the boys just can't seem to keep it together on the court long enough to put enough points together for a score or a win. If it wasn't so pathetic of being embarrassing. It's not like they're bad players I think they're really pretty good players all things being equal they just can't seem to keep it together long enough to win a game for to keep the lead together till the end of the game. I guess there's just 28 more games left this season and I'll try to suffer through them all. I'm not trying to be a Stellar jazz fan but just wanted to keep me entertained and have something to look forward to on Game Nights or afternoons.

As I suppose you can surmise that the Jazz game was the high point of my day. It was on later in the day so I even had to wait longer than usual for that luckily I was able to end the current series I've been watching on Netflix so I'm currently without a series to watch for how long I don't know but maybe I can get something more productive done then I have the last couple of weeks as I wait for winter to pass. Like I said I almost went out today. I need to get to the market to pick up a few things that I don't trust the purchaser to get when they feel one of my grocery orders especially in the area of raw fruit and vegetables. So far I have not totally abused the new process I've been playing with as far as home shopping goes. I'm kind of spooked at how many mistakes they've made on the last couple orders I've made. I certainly enjoy the service and want to keep using it but must be very careful and vigilant regarding my orders. I'll just keep my fingers crossed and make sure that I really process the order when it shows up at the front door and make sure it's everything I want. On the home side today before or between breaks in episodes of the series I'm watching I was able to watch some dishes even scrub the floor the kitchen a little bit. I still have some items and refrigerator I've got to process particularly getting the orange juice from one container to the next that allows me to handle the beverage better. The refrigerator could take some more organizing and the kitchen itself could take a little bit more organizing especially the table but by and large I'm getting by and enjoying my days in the apartment for however long I'm here I'm one lucky duck

Zoom zoom meeting

 I love it when I wake up in the middle of the night enable then to go back to sleep for a few more hours. This morning I woke up around 3:00 a.m. which I've been doing all week maybe even a few days last week. I don't know why I'm waking up at this hour but I continue to do so the best part being that most the time I could just turn over and go back to sleep. Sometimes the wake up is due to a need to take a couple sips of water or worst case scenario to Cath and drain my bladder. This ladder is a little more dicey because it takes a bit of concentration and focus to one characterize my penis and two to make sure all the water goes into the bag I keep by my bed. I am in the past and so awake after such an ordeal that I haven't really been able to get back to sleep but fortunately today was a good day I went back to sleep did not wake up again till a few minutes after 6:00 a.m. which is my favorite time to get up. It's Thursday which isn't in between day. That means I do not have any morning support to come in shower me and then get me dressed for the day. I just swing into my chair roll into the bathroom and shave wash my face then get dressed for the day. It's Thursday which of course means it's Coffee Day so I try to get everything done by 9:00 a.m. if it's all possible. The coffee group starts around 9:30 a.m.. today I was done around 8:45 a.m. give me a fairly decent window before I had to be a coffee. Today was a little more difficult than usual but I was able to get dressed well within the time frame. I worry each day after an event like today where things don't go together as quickly as I would like them to and wonder is this the beginning of the end as far as being able to take care of myself as much as I can. Today I actually had double duty I had to show up at the coffee group which I did and made small talk with the number of the people who came to coffee today and then later in the afternoon attend a board meeting with Utah non-profit housing Corporation the same group that owns this property that I live in. Usually I like to go downtown to where they have the meeting in our office. However I let the weather dictate my actions today and rather than getting dressed and going out in the snow I just elected to zoom into the meeting which I did and I think it worked out just as well. The afternoon meeting did not start till 3:00 p.m. and I had a bit of a challenge printing some of the documents I would need for the meeting but with the help of Jennifer up front and her heavy duty printer I was able to get the documents I needed to download it and printed in time for the meeting. The only drawback with zooming into a meeting is that you don't get any of the treats or snacks that decent providers pass out. The director of Utah non-profit always has a good table of snacks for those who attend the meetings in person. I kind of wish that I had and though it was still snowing I should have suited up and headed in alas I just sat by the table and fought off sleep through the 2-hour meeting

Wednesday's wishes

Today was relatively productive given that I didn't even leave the building. The weather continued to be cold and dank and rainy luckily no snow or rain fell today it just looked like it might at any given time. I almost went to a movie today but I had a lunch appointment with one of my old work colleagues who comes over for lunch every couple weeks these days which is interesting. He usually brings over prepared lunches usually from local vendor the last couple of lunches have been Chinese which is always good for me. I enjoy Chinese usually in any form food wise. We get together commiserate talk about family and usually the political condition that we find ourselves in these days. Since we've both been state employees a large part of our funding source comes from the pension we get from the state of Utah- - might want to correct that my money comes that way he actually has money in different sources. He's smart and had a high paying job Within State service and they've been there for a while. I don't know what his stocks and bonds and things of that nature look like probably pretty good since everybody else in the world did well except me in that area I didn't do anything of course I just blindly wandered through my life hoping to be taken care of. I don't know if that's going to hold true now that all the supports on Earth seem to be getting a little bit wobbly and questionable. The writing on the wall seems to become more and more indelible or dark. More and more people who are on pensions as well as Federal programs will be more and more fragile financially speaking possibly to the point where they're fundings streams dry up completely. There is a news article on one of the networks the other night of a young lad with cancer who's insurance for one reason or another has been cut off and that little ad now is looking at sure death if he can't get his super expensive medications. Everyone just sort of shrugged his shoulders during the interview. They'll be kicked aside by their insurance provider when the insurance provider disappears for lack of funding and silently bid there to son ado and goodbye. This sounds familiar I'm sure I may have written about it before I have thought about it a lot since I realized how this scenario might play out once the major funding sources begin to get cut and now it's happening. I just hope I have what it takes to survive such a scenario. I think I will all things considered I tend to get by or have up until now. This of course is me just whistling in the dark. I used to fancy myself a great Whistler but as I've gotten older I haven't been able to pucker my lips as well as I used to and my whistles will become shrill and in many cases non-productive. My whistles have become much like the new Captain America Hollow and nothing like they once were. I just have to get used to things the way they are now and hopefully be amenable to quick and drastic change 

Tuesday at the movies

 I was kind of counting on the day being warmer than it turned out to be. I had been following the weather the past couple of weeks and today was supposed to be somewhat warmer in the lower 40s but I didn't count on the cold wind. I don't think I was still crazy this morning but I still wanted to get out and do something that I haven't done quite a while one was too be out in public and to perhaps jump the bus and go somewhere. The new Marvel movie is out now the new Captain America and I figured I owed it to myself to go up in check it out at the theater that I always go to that I have that pass to that let's be go to any of the movies that I want to as much as I want to during the month cost me 20 bucks and I usually get my money out of the tickets. I worked out earlier than usual this morning- - this is one of the things I want to start doing so it gives me more time in the afternoon to do things like go to the movies and such. I actually had wanted to get to the theater early enough to stop by McDonald's and go to lunch and then Wander over to the theater and catch the flick. It was kind of early it was 12:15 in the afternoon and the movie I was looking at didn't start till 2:15 p.m.. well I could have gone to McDonald's but that would have meant having to backtrack quite a ways after I gotten off of the bus. I decided to just check out one of the sandwich shops on my side of the street, on the same side as the movie house. I got a pretty good sandwich it was hot and the whole thing was expensive it's like 17 bucks for chips a sandwich and a small drink think I really got taken advantage on this one but I had the 20 so I can do it.

This is definitely not a movie review but I will certainly give you my opinion. Well I was kind of surprised there were quite a few folks in the theater I'm usually the only one there period I had a little time to kill before the movie started so I just sat there and enjoyed the relative quiet as well as the previews of other movies going on right now. This movie is the new Captain America movie which means it's with the new person playing Captain America which I don't know the name of and not that it really matters but it's this actor who is black and has played opposite the old Captain America. I have to just say out front that I was not please with the movie at all in fact I had to fight sleep all the way through the movie and to be honest I think I did not off a couple times. The movie was just flat it was just not what I was expecting I expected them to be more like the real Captain America but boy that's a hard trick to pull off and the poor guy didn't do it well at all. I was speaking with one of the employees of the theater as I was getting ready to head out after the movie and she indicated that she thought this guy was Hollow and it was a great descriptor of the whole thing being very Hollow just a hollow husk of what the movie used to be. I would say don't go to it but I will probably go sit through it again just to make sure I was correct on my thought processes. I don't think I'll go to another Captain America if this guy still stars in it.

Monday's moans

  I'm getting better at turning the television off after the news or in this case after one episode of the current series that I'm watching. Typically I would kind of binge the episodes until it was time for bed but I need to get into a habit of being more creative on a more regular basis. This life I am living is just flashing by I know that is somewhat cliche but it's true. If I don't do something really creative and original soon my days will be gone on this planet Earth or whatever and I won't have much to show for it. I have two little as it is. I'm really trying to just figure out a way to pay for my funeral if and when that comes will not if when that comes. I don't know the best way would be to just leave what funds I have left over for Mark and shelter figure out what to do with all I have left. Without rehashing the whole thing of what they want done with me whether they want me in ashes or laying out prone and straight in a basket or a casket or whatever it is that's up to them really and how much they want to spend. It seems quite morbid to be spending so much quality time on such a morbid subject but it has to be done I guess we all have to be dealt with in the end one way or the other. Of course I want the cheapest way out and not that I'm not that I'm that big of a world guy it seems pretty ridiculous to use up so many resources on something that's so destructive as putting something dead in a perfectly good box and perfectly good soil that could be doing something else.

I did it again I use the internet to do shopping. I put another order in and was totally surprised when showed up on my door in less than 30 minutes after I finished the shopping. Unless there's something I haven't run into yet I'm finding the process way too easy. I can really see how some people can get into trouble shopping for groceries this way. I don't think I would really ever get comfortable shopping for meals as far as getting the meal from a local fast food joint. I can't really see myself doing that… yet but who knows? Tonight or this afternoon I was shocked when my order got here because they were some flaring major mistakes there were two cans of coffee, like whipped cream in a can the kind you spray on stuff, two kinds of pizzas I only ordered one, only ordered one can of coffee but there are a couple of redundancies and I'm glad I caught the guy before he just dumped the food off and left. He took the pieces back when will somehow negotiate with my contract or whatever it is to put the money back into the account dash dash I hope. She even put the Frozen stuff in the freezer the pizza and the ice cream! That's really great service and like I said that could get really reinforcing. But now I have the basics coffee to ice cream so hopefully I won't be purchasing anything more for a while. I didn't get any vegetables fresh vegetables or fruit I think I will continue to do that in person. So maybe I'll do just the big stuff and the stuff is heavy to carry through the program the rest I'll pick up on my own

Sunday's ritual

  .  Our Sunday morning breakfasts at the local restaurant in my neighborhood is the biggest part of my Sunday routine at least right now. We meet at the restaurant 0800 or 8:00 a.m. I'm usually the first one there so I sequester a table we get by with a small four-sided table that's enough for myself and Mark , Jasmine and of course Jackson. 8:00 is really not hard for me to handle it's got to be a bit more of a challenge last couple years but it really must be almost painful for Marc Anthony and the kids. I'm always surprised when all three of them make it to the breakfast. We drink coffee and eventually order our breakfast and we visit. We go over the week each of us have had and briefly goes over the high points of the low points. Jasmine seems to be the star many times since she's trying to go to school and maintain an a average as well as work nearly full time. She's taking hard courses Anatomy physiology this semester and it's kept her quite busy. So far she's maintained an a average which I have to admit I'm fairly proud of her cuz I know how difficult maintaining that kind of a bread can be. She's currently in her Anatomy physiology courses and the kind of kicking her butt to a certain degree but keep in mind the kids working also I believe almost 40 hours a a week and I'm not totally sure on that it could be significantly less and she makes fairly decent money with tips but now she's focused a lot of her energy to study and even though she says she's not getting burned out it's becoming evident. Your conversations are sometimes a bit erratic and she stares off in the distance sometimes when not in Communications. She's young she still has that Vibe of what she'll live forever but she's invincible, Bulletproof. Well I'm your best example of Being Young adolescent and not living forever at least in a healthy body. Jasmine's goal is to get into a nursing program here in the Salt Lake area. I think she'll make it, I have to be proud of her grandfather. That is amazing every time I say that I don't think I've ever gotten used to that part of the equation. We are early enough that we meet the morning Rush. We are usually out of there by 9:30 and very rarely 10:00 a.m. everybody goes their way only to get together again the next Sunday. I don't know how long will carry out in this ritual sure it's nice however and like I say the high point of my Sundays usually. I came home turned on the heat and zoned out in front of the flat screen. Right in the middle of a holiday weekend it's President's Day and even though tomorrow is the holiday and for me everyday is a holiday now that I'm retired it still feels like a holiday and I like that I really do..

Saturday night apologies

 This is going to be a short one I don't know I don't have anything to blame it on the day just got away from me and all the sudden as I'm getting ready for bed I realized I haven't written in my blog yet. There's not even a ball game I can't believe I can blame on I just got involved in doing other stuff. Another day where I stayed in pretty much for the day except for running across the street to meet with my friend upstairs Janet for coffee. We had a good session gossiping about the people we live with then it was back to the apartment and then just hanging out for the rest of the day watched a couple movies couple episodes of the series that I'm following right now on Netflix that was about it wish I could say I was doing more but that's it for this day maybe tomorrow will be better. I've talked with Mark and I'll be meeting him in the morning at least for coffee possibly Jasmine as well

No heart Valentine's Day

I just got off our phone call with my ex-wife DD it's now living in Arizona. We keep in contact we're lucky that we're both really good friends still but I think we do miss each other a lot and the life that we had together but that's a whole other issue. The big issue now these days is what's going to happen to us as we get further and further into the current Administration. As this Administration completely dismantles the national support system that this country is enjoyed for so long precipitate participants like myself and Didi are getting more and more nervous. I just don't know what's going to happen the whole groups of people as supports begin to dry up and vanish. I've talked about this a lot not much not much in the group that reads this blog but there is a news report earlier this week where they interviewed a child well an adolescent with cancer and their parents about how the supports for the treatment he needs is no longer available because of the Trump cuts and bottom line this guy is dead he's a goner. And I believe this is going to be more and more the situation for folks as we get further into the scenario of the next 4 years. I think seniors are going to feel a large part of the Brunt of this significant cut. I don't know if we lose housing or we lose supports or food and such because all those programs that provided this support are being dismantled and the money being given to the rich folks it's totally strange. We have to be careful that we don't talk ourselves up into a lather when we visit but it seems like that's the most pertinent thing to visit about. And how we're going to survive if we survive. I of course have been wandering around and some level of denial fully believing that if the time comes and when it does come I'll be able to be okay I may not be the best living in existence but I'll be okay I always have been. This may be severe naivety on my part but it's where I'm at- I've always been able to make it one way or the other. And granted many times other people had to be very supportive for me to do this but hopefully that will continue to be the case. If I lose funding for a housing I may have to go live with my daughter who is graciously offered and maybe my son too if we had to go to Oregon I don't know how I would survive such a move. I mean really I survive everything or I have more or less up to this point but we're quickly getting to the point where real survival will have to be looked at there's so many things I can happen most likely right now is the bird flu thing if that really got out of hand it would throw a sit back into a tailspring much like the last epidemic. And it was systematically wipe out all the week of the population survival of the fittest wood take over and Only the Strong Will Survive. Everything would be forced at making a better and stronger gene pool and maybe that's what it's all about..

Thankfully Thursday

 We actually had real snow today. Of course none of it really laid down to any degree a little bit on the streets during drive time making things a little bit rough but not much on the ground it was nice to look at though wow the flakes tumbled down but I managed to stay inside for the day not going outside even once. I thought about putting together all the garbage bags to take out but I can do that tomorrow or even Saturday for that matter. I just enjoy staying inside staying warm. Coffee this morning was uneventful and then we had another Insurance Group post a lunch today Pizza or what's known as the pizza party which is really just a way to trap a number of people to listen to the salesman’s plea. But in his defense he did bring a number of pizzas from Costco as opposed to some of the other Pizza houses I don't really like and it was pepperoni pizza which is not my favorite pizza in the world but it's not the worst either it's nothing like a vegetarian pizza. The biggest challenge I had all day was trying to survive in one of those real stretchy clingy shirts that's just small enough that my bulbous Billy tends to sneak through making me look pathetic so I spend all day trying to pull the thing down so it's covering all my girth and Billy. If I had courage I would just throw this shirt away so I will not have to endure the shameful shirt again. I think one of the reasons I keep these kind of shirts around is that it makes me feel like I might really lose weight enough to wear the shirt without shame but deep down I know that's really never going to happen. I just need to get rid of those shirts I don't like and replace it with ones that at least I feel comfortable with even if they have to be super huge. I hate to think that I'm super huge but maybe that's where I'm at.

The biggest issue of my day is that I think I finally realized what might be the problem for my small bowel movements that I've been suffering with lately. Suffering is not the right word cuz I'm not in any pain and I don't feel constipated per se I just I'm not pleased with the amount of poop I'm passing out which also means that I still have poop inside that could pass out when it wants to come out not when I want it to come out. However, I seem not to have any problems these days but I'm wondering, and this sort of came to me last night, is that maybe I'm dehydrated maybe I'm not ingested enough liquids which really could be. I'm a little concerned about the amount of year and I'm producing. And once again I don't seem to be having any address feelings or problems or pains in the kidneys or anything when I do pee it seems to pee all right I'm just concerned about how concerned that I should be. So today I've tried to increase my fluids intake a little bit more than usual but it's still difficult as heck too pump liquid down my throat. Trying to keep one of my bottles of water in the bathroom and other places in the house or I can just ingest liquid anytime I want to but I'm still only peeing a couple times a day and not a whole lot. The urine does become a little bit clearer and a little bit lighter but not much. We'll see tomorrow it's Friday poop day

Wednesday words

 The winter cold continues therefore I opt to stay inside as much as I can the next couple of days while the next cold system works its way through. I'm not depressed or anything because each day is a day closer to Spring and that works for me and I certainly have enough to keep me busy through the day. I don't see how anyone can be bored or say there's nothing to do if they have access to Netflix and what other entertainment carriers that tend to be out there. I could waste my entire life on Netflix and Prime video if I can stand myself for doing so. Right now I just go for an hour here or an hour there was a while I'll binge then feel guilty. It's a nice system to have thank you for it. But I have my arm bike and my daily arm bike pumps slash rides to occupy some of my time and I certainly have the rest of the apartment trying to keep it in somewhat respectable order also to keep me busy. On top of that my son, has got me into some sort of international thing, where I will be communicating with people from Europe more specifically Russia! It started today for the first time I wasn't really sure what my son had in mind but I'm beginning to understand now. Visiting with English speaking Russians are Europeans wishing to verbalize with somebody in the English language to work on their English speaking skills. Speaking in English is an asset probably for any other non-english speaking population on Earth. That's part of grandiose statement but I think it's true in large part. I'm a little put on the spot cuz I didn't know that was really coming so I volunteered to do so I didn't know how seemingly personal it would get. I got some questions today about dealing with government support type programs in Russia and how to deal with them. I certainly don't know at least not specific to Russia I mean I did that part of my career here in USA as far as dealing with Healthcare Providers and such particularly with people with disabilities “advocacy” I guess is the best term for it. Like I said I don't know how anybody would deal with that in the ones Soviet Union. I don't know what kind of services the new regimes have for people with disabilities Russians with disabilities. I'm going to sleep on it and maybe tomorrow I'll try to answer some of the questions that might be coming this way. Tomorrow's Thursday and all I have is coffee and donuts in the morning. The rest of the day I could be doing other things that I need to get off the table sooner or later but I can spend some time on this talking to the Russians project my son may have gotten anything too.

There's a knock on my door this evening and it was what I was afraid of the older lady who tends to walk around this neighborhood with her dog had a gift for me a bag full of grapes. This is the first time she's accosted me with vegetable gifts or fruit gifts- she used to all the time the last couple years but I thought I'd weaned her off that. I guess not the grapes are good however there purple grapes versus green grapes and they're a little more thought about that the ones I just got the true green grapes but much softer than I like. No I'll just have to keep dodging the lady…

Tuesday's test

 It's going to be subtle, very very subtle. Two nights ago I was watching the 5:00 news and they had a story on about a local ad who has some kind of progressive cancer any severely in need of specialized medical intervention and as of the day they did the interview he had been informed that he was not going to get anymore support because the agency a program that was doing that has been dismantled. The kids going to die there's no question about it it's a matter of time probably sooner than later but the bottom line is the kid is a goner. Aside from the news story coverage on the 5:00 news no one else is going to know about this really except for the kids family and sadly this is going to become more and more the case as more and more Federal programs get shut down. I certainly wish it weren't the case but reality is a Stern teacher and you just can't fight reality. Over the past couple of years I've got on or found a number of disability chat lines or chats or whatever they're called and I tend to lurk on these sites just to see what people are saying. Every once in awhile I will add my two cents to the discussions but I don't do that very often. I was kind of shocked to see how many of the folks out there think the same way that I did or do. I thought I was pretty much alone in the situation smarter than the norm looking past the obvious and checking in to see what really is happening but these folks have a good handle on the situation as well. Today I was looking at a number of the chats about exiting the country. It's then I realized that to exit the country you've got to leave a place where you don't want to be anymore and ask to go to a place to accept you. I guess that's the whole thing about a passport. I thought it was just a document you got so you could go from one country to the next but there seems to be a lot of stuff about that country wanted to accept you in the first place. Oh sure, you can visit but don't expect to live there if you can't be a physical specimen that doesn't take many government resources. It makes sense I can understand this. This made me think I can't go wherever I want to go because I won't have supports to go with me! That means I'm relatively useless as an individual if I go somewhere that doesn't have some form of Social Security or SSI or if I don't have exercise going with me I'm just SOL. The beauty of this form of genocide is that no one has to take responsibility. If there's no social security it's nobody's fault when you show up for a doctor's visit/emergency room visit and they won't take you because you have no way to pay for the services. They essentially tell you to go home and die! Nobody cares cuz no one has to take responsibility and it's just one more disabled person gone from the vision of the world in general. Right now with my Social Security SSI and such I'm living pretty good I've got enough money for food and clothes and stuff plus a decent apartment without which I would probably be one of these homeless guys I see on the train everyday I don't know how long I could be homeless before things really did go south but I wonder when I see these guys bundled up against the weather carrying around some form of mattress to sleep on they are barely surviving. So I guess tonight when I say my prayers before I wander off into sleep on that I think the Lord for the great living situation I have right now and pray to extend it for as long as possible..

Monday's indifference

 I just turned off the television, completely. I just didn't turn the sound down like I was going to return I turned the whole thing off. The TV's done for the night. I couldn't stand watching let alone listening to the next loss of the Utah Jazz. Tonight they're playing the LA Clippers and the Clippers is really handy the team their lunch. It would be so demeaning to have a team that loses as much as they do if any even if they want to call it or color it learning to play with new people. I don't buy it now I'd hate to say their bums because they work really hard at their sport it seems like to me they just can't pull it together enough to win. It had a few wins this season but very few in comparison with what they should what they should have.

 I have spent another day basically cooped up in my apartment. Even though I know I could stand the temperature or the chill in the air outside I've elected really not to go out in this weather right now. That's 9/10 cop out but I choose not to go out and be uncomfortable. Tomorrow however I will be going out and catching the bus to go downtown for my assist meeting. That will make me feel somewhat better about myself and the recluse I seem to be turning into. I'm just praying that I'll be more social come the spring and summer. I really do have to make everyday count y'all know why the end is near one way or the other I really should have gone out today started tomorrow the days should become more inclement with more rain and possible snow even down here that valley floor. I might even be aggressive enough to use the new service shopping service. I get a little sketchy I think they might just substitute whatever they want into my bag which almost makes me just want to wait till I get back from my meeting tomorrow and either stop at the market before I go home or come home catch my breath and go back out to the market then come into the seriously evening. It's late now and thankfully I'll be going to bed fairly shortly. Doing okay all things considered Tuesday should be nice little bit of traveling go to the meeting and Back Again that should be Tuesday

Sunday Survivor

 I've been binging designated Survivor all day long following my return home for breakfast with the kids this morning. I'm not proud of this, the binging, and the only justification I can use is that it allows me to lean back in my chair and take the weight off of my rear end. I was fortunate yesterday Melissa was by and was able to retake my butt and apply some lotion and some antibiotics to the area where I incidentally tore off transferring on to my bed the night before causing some pain and I thought perhaps some skin breakdown however Melissa said that the skin looks good just a little red and applied the new dressing which has been pain free all day. I started watching designated Survivor yesterday I believe one of the reasons being that I really like Kiefer Sutherland. It seems to me I watched a couple of the episodes when the series first came out but I don't remember any of the episodes I've watched so far and I think I'm up to episode 10 in the first season. I'm pretty entertained by the whole drama and kind of freaked out that I think there might be as many as 55 episodes compromising the three seasons. I really enjoyed Sutherland in the series 24 when it came out but it was just way too violent on a bunch of different levels not that the series I'm busy now is any less violent it's just not as realistic as 24 was. That series really made me anxious to the point where I couldn't watch it any longer. Luckily designated Survivor has not generated the same kind of stress or anxiety I don't know maybe it's cuz I'm older now or subject matter is a little bit different and not as violently expressed as in the other series but like I said I'm only on episode 10 leaving me about 45 more episodes. That's like 45 hours this should keep me busy for quite some time if I elect to go through the whole series. I find I really like these kind of shows that are somewhat political and well produced. It's probably not a very healthy diet however and might be smart to cut back a little bit- - we'll have to see.

The clouds moved out during the night and the temperature did Drop Like a Stone and it was pretty chilly when I took off this morning for the restaurant. It was even cold coming back but luckily the sun was out in the clear sky at least gave me some solar radiation how my mute it might be. I did end up going over to the coffee shop to grab some coffee to last me to the day and tomorrow morning before I brew the next pot of coffee. When I got back to the apartment I just settled in enjoyed my coffee in the day and look forward to the coming week. Temperatures will remain cool for a while before the next rain storms starts sometime Tuesday hopefully in the evening after I'm home from my volunteer project with assist. And it looks like the rain will persist for the rest of the week. More time I can stay at home enjoying my apartment and what toys that I have

Winters return

The temperature is dropping tonight once again we will be coming back to the season of winter after a short fleeing the spring. It snowed a good part of the day today it was nice to see none of it actually stuck around because the ground is way too warm that's okay with me I didn't do too much today. I spent a large part of the day laying back in my chair trying to take the weight off my butt. I had to have Melissa come in today and retape my butt cuz I tore laugh it off last night when I got interest for bed. This tour tape loose on my butt and really caused it to be sore but luckily Melissa came over a little before noon and was able to put my butt back together and I've been relatively pain-free all day again though laying back in my chair so as to take the weight off of my buttocks. But it is going to get cold again as the snow system moves on and the clouds clear and the temperature drops like a rock. I canceled coffee this morning because for one thing I'm coughing quite a bit I think I went over this last night a little bit and I didn't want to expose to anybody too much too the coughing and going through. Tomorrow before I meet Mark for breakfast I'm going to have a couple shots of cough medicine. I did clean up around the apartment a little bit today. Actually washed some dishes and cleaned off my work area cleaning the cutting boards and such but the big issue was to fry the hamburger patties I purchased earlier this week so I would have a hamburger for dinner and then hamburger patties for Sunday and probably Monday too. I put away the new cookie sheets that came in yesterday's mail and some of the other pots and pads that have been hanging around for all week as well I've tried to find places for them which I did I think pretty good. The table remains a pretty big mess I might try to organize it a little bit before I crash tonight. I sorry about getting to bed a little earlier than usual but the Jazz are playing late tonight starting around 8:30 p.m. which means it won't be done until 10:30 or 11:00. Then the Jazz will probably lose the last night that must be tough on your spirits. But at least I'll have the blood done for the day and the journal so it can't be too bad right?

Miracle Friday

I must say I'm a little spooked but I've picked up some sort of thing in my throat and I'm not sure exactly what it is but it seems to be spiraling down into something not healthy. I think I would not have even paid attention to the cough except for there was quite a few references on the news tonight about the flu epidemic coming back and how significant it might be even if you've already had your inoculations and such. I don't even know if I've got the flu shots for this particular season I think that I did but that was way before I think Christmas. But anyway when I started writing this a couple hours ago I don't think I was coughing as much as I am now. And, I seem to be cycling down. On top of that my stomach is beginning to gurgle and that is never a good sign. I've even emailed my Saturday morning coffee partner, upstairs janet, to cancel me out as far as tomorrow morning coffee goes. I really do not know how significant my coffee is, at this point, and altruistically I don't know how contagious I am and I don't certainly want to give anybody else this sickness if in fact I am ill. What I was beginning to say regarding my gurgling stomach was this morning's bowel movement was not impressive has got me kind of worried hopefully if I keep my bladder emptied and be careful of how much I eat I might be able to make it to Monday without a major bowel malfunction. It's been a while such a major blowout So I'm going to make your bowel movement wouldn't surprise me either the upside is that Melissa knows how weird I am as far as bowel movements go and she said she's ready to assist if I were to have any issues over the weekend which kind of makes me feel good. I would still hate to go through the whole process of having to be cleaned up and clean up the bedroom and whatever it would take even though I know that Melissa would be willing to do most of it. So I'm not looking forward to a major weekend I just want to get by. I am also feeling a little risky as far as my butt goes so I'm trying to lean back in my chair as much as possible. This is really just a great excuse to watch Marvel movies.

I was trying to clean up a little bit tonight and I finally got around to the popcorn popper. I put it away dirty from the last time I cooked popcorn and I was surprised how caked on the sludge was. It took me a minute or two under hot water lots of soap and with the scrubber try to get most of the stuff off. Oh and the reason I was doing this was I sent away for some popcorn popping oil and it came today I was shocked well sort of I figured I'd done something wrong because whatever it was took up all the money that shell had sent me for my birthday period So in fact ended up getting a case of eight bottles of popcorn oil. I still have to use them again we'll see how good it is what kind of freaks me out to have that much popcorn oil. That's a lot of popping

Thinking of Thursday

More frustration! I'm sitting here patiently waiting for my son to get here to rescue me from the current problem I'm having. For some reason I can't get either of my battery chargers to access the bad result my power chair to charge them so I will have power for tomorrow. Again I will take full responsibility for what's happening because I had somebody assist me this morning tighten up the connector on my charger and now I will not reach the plug-in points on my chair. And again it takes somebody with decent hand function to twist the barrel that slides into the charging mechanism on the power chair. I really started doing this around 7:00 p.m. tonight just wanted to make sure I had a charger next to the bed that I could plug in and go to bed and not worry about it but that didn't happen I tried for a while on the one charger that I had which I thought I had to repaired this morning and then I dug out the old charger which I think is kind of spooky in a lot of ways and tried it and I couldn't get that one to work either both ends look like I've rolled over more than once which is not a good idea though they are made of high tempered steel it looks like but still it's not a good idea to run over your connectors. I guess that would be the most traumatic part of the day the rest of the day was not too bad. I was up late this morning which was kind of a shock and I ended up having to hustle to get dressed in time for coffee social. I did make it but it wasn't pleasant and I wasn't wearing my shoes that would have taken way too much time. Hopefully I'm not going into another techno drought. Either way I should be okay worst case scenario I get another charger from youcaI just want to make sure I'm able to get around tomorrow. I don't have to go anywhere specific and the weather should be less than ideal so I think I will stick in the apartment all day but I still want to make sure I have the powerss. Problem solved, Mark just left and we had quite a discussion everything from Trump to Mark's Russian friends. But, as I thought, Mark was able to find the problem with the plugs fix them which actually required some rather physical prowess being able to put the plugs back in the shape but that fit into the chair but I should be okay now. Granted it was a little bit later than I anticipated once again it's 10:21 p.m. and I'm sure it'll be 12:00 before I finally get to bed but that's okay. I got provisions, had coffee with the people and visited with Mark that makes a good day plus I got my Chargers working again and I guess that's As Good As It Gets 

Double dry cycle

 I shouldn't call Wednesday hump day just because it's in the middle of the week I should call it work day because that seems to be the day that I end up doing a lot of basic work stuff around the apartment. Typically that is the last 60 Minutes workout I do and then I also am doing the wash that day usually. Melissa of course takes the load down right after she gets done with me on the toilet starts with the wash then pulls it out and puts it in the dryer and starts to dry load after she's done all together with me and heads out it said my responsibility to go back and pull the either almost dry load out or automatically dump three more quarters into the slots and push it in and do another complete dry cycle. I'm sure it's not but it seems like it takes 45 minutes to do the next dry cycle- - it's probably more like 20 minutes to 30 but it seems like it takes forever cuz I end up waiting on what seems like forever. Then even then I still have to take the hamper of freshly dried clothes back to the apartment and either do the folded and hanging then or later on in the day. I did most of the folding and hanging this afternoon and just a little bit this evening. That really takes up most of the day however sometimes if I'm really energetic I can cross the street and head to the market to pick up a few things that I might need but today I was okay I didn't need anything like that and a cold front was coming through afternoon bringing with it the dark temperatures and Rain driving rain when the front first came through. This Wednesday was a good day to hunker down stay inside and enjoy the apartment. Fortunately or unfortunately depends on how one looks at the basketball game the local NBA team, the Utah jazz, has a home game tonight which will be broadcast on Channel 3 which have become someone addicted to watching and being frustrated with every game. They haven't won very many I think I've seen two games where they've actually won. I don't know if they're just Natural Born Losers or if in fact there teaching themselves to react and use the new team members so it's sort of teaching issue which I don't really believe very much. It sounds good however and I want to believe it but I don't know our team just doesn't seem to pull it together even when they pull out 13 14 almost 20-point leads seems like the other team can whittle iit down in no time. We lose very well and in no time at all. The team started out really well tonight developing a really nice deep lead. However, The Californians couldn't let them win so they pulled out the stops and did really well and ate that pile of points right up. I don't I don't know what the current point is. It would be better if somebody from somewhere collected the winning numbers every time they had a game. I could pull up the sides of my shirts so I had collars and be like a mystery man and just act suspicious during the day. I don't know if I would ever be a good winning person. I'd like to believe I could be but what never knows

Pre-spring

 The days continue to be unseasonably warm I'll bet it was up in the sixties again today. No sunshine to speak of just overcast wind and lots of heat. Too nice a day to be locked up in the apartments so I decided I would go up to the market to look for some pieces of bread that I've been thinking of a lot lately. Oh yeah it's Tuesday, usually I would be downtown with the assist meeting but to my knowledge last week we talked about it and decided that we would not do a meeting this week freeing up my morning. I also decided to do my workout earlier in the day so that I did not lose a whole day just because I was doing my workout in the middle of the afternoon. Once the workout was done I felt free to go to wherever I wanted to so will after lunch time I went across the street waiting for the bus to take me South to Harmons. I always hold out so much hope for this Market it's such a high-end snobby place but certainly beautiful and nice to hang around in. I'm looking for some nice dinner rolls. Had I really had the time and the inclination I would have taken the train downtown to the bakery I love down town. But I wasn't up for that big of a jaunt today maybe soon no cuz I really couldn't find anything I wanted at Harmons Plus my body was beginning to act against me and I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I even lost a shoe at some point when my legs spasmed out over my foot pedal and I couldn't get my foot back on and when I asked someone to assist me they would not do it. They really are too high end for me Harmons that is but always go there thinking it will be different. I was so glad to get back to the apartment.

For lunch at this weird place well it's not really weird I'm I'm weird. My son keeps giving me gift cards to this place and I really find it difficult to enjoy. They feed you in these weird little tins and that's really made to take care of food with you but you can't eat there most people do I reckon. I got a taco because it's Taco Tuesday basically two tacos they don't have fried meat they have shredded meat of course the whole thing is authenticity. Serve the taco on these flat pieces of dough of course tortilla but the whole thing is wet from the meat has and it has lots of you know vegetables on top kind of drives me crazy there's no way you can really pick that up and eat it like a tortilla I don't think I didn't see anybody else but me trying to do that and I was making a mess out of it everything I'm getting more and more upset that's what my foot actually came off the foot plate the first time. I tried to enjoy my two tacos as best as I could but I was glad to be done with them and out the door. I made it home without losing my shoe and like I said it was a warm day so just being outside with a treat. Maybe more warm weather tomorrow but the cold is coming back as it should we're actually sort of in the dead of winter at least that's what I would call it

Spring Warm Winds

yeI actually got out of the apartment today and put some mileage on the power chair it doesn't really look like it with only 1.6 MI on the odometer but that's also with the use of the local Transit Authority and letting the bus do all the travel work. I opened a birthday card for my sister yesterday and to my shock and surprise there was a check inside. A personal check which means I'd have to run it through my bank pretty much. The bus is only ran minimally yesterday because it was a Sunday and it's just not worth it to wait another long times for weekend travel so I figured I'd just wait the day and deposit my check today. What's really sort of funny is that I went through all the trouble of going to the branch and after I got my check cashed I didn't get any quarters. I got some currency but no quarters and that was one of the reasons I was going to the Branch was to get the quarters I will need for whatever I need them for washer cleaning or whatever. I was definitely ready to come home after I've been today branch. I figured I'd have to wait a while before the bus got there and I did but it wasn't too bad today it was a heat record for this day of the week month this early in the year. I think it was something like 73° out there today. It was cloudy and there was wind a lot of wind but it was a warm wind making a lot and a lot of it. I also had a cover to go with me so if I really did get cold I could wrap up in my blanket. I was happy however just to stay outside in the Wind and the daylight time which felt like spring in all manners of the word. Had I really been tough I would have just wrapped my wrap around my neck and drove my chair back to the apartments which really is kind of a long ways but I'm pleased to have the option of going back over service streets to the way home. I have done it a number of times it's just quite nerve-racking and a little painful as far as all the bone rattling you have to endure on and off the sidewalks and the blacktop of the streets. I elected just to sit quietly on the side of the road by the bus stop and patiently wait for the behemoth to wonder why. I wasn't alone there were a couple of other individuals that were waiting for the bus as well. One guy was quite into smoking and he just stood there and smoked waiting for the bus. Generally I don't really mind passive smoke or smoke from another smoker but today it just seemed a little foul - - it was regular smoke nothing different. The smoke just rubbed me a wrong way today. 

The temperature was warm today, a gift. Probably I should have done something a little more entertaining than go to my bank account or my credit union and do business. Tomorrow the weather still should hold maybe not as warm as today but warm for this time of year. There are a couple of movies that started this weekend that look kind of interesting of course I cannot remember which they are right now. I got an email from the theater that I have the subscription to indicating that I had Coke in a large bucket of popcorn coming to me because it's my birthday. Tomorrow I don't have the group in Salt Lake to go to early so maybe I will go to a movie and get my free popcorn and enjoy the ride …Q

Groundhog's Day and happy birthday to me

 Another day and I'm just exhausted. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't my birthday but the day I turned 74 but you knew that if you'd read yesterday's diet tribe about growing older. But today is not been too bad at all. We didn't do breakfast because we were going to have a steak dinner at some restaurant not far from me easily reachable by bus on Redwood Road. This is to be at 12:00 and so after I was up and ready I had time to kill so I decided I would go a little bit early and get off at Starbucks and have coffee and maybe mess around with one of my sketchbooks if I get that far. The time went a lot quicker than I anticipated at the coffee shop and soon it was time to head over to the steakhouse. J&J were already there when I pulled into the front of the steakhouse they came out and got me and took me in Mark was just getting there as well. They first put us in the waiting room which was really quite a bizarre little place but not big enough for a real waiting room but we got by. Visiting for a little while then it was time for the meal. Else have a difficult time staying in my chair this chair is getting more and more difficult for me to try to live in I just can't seem to get myself straight enough in the chair to be comfortable. Today it felt like I was laying down in my chair trying to feed myself off the table and such. But it was a good meal Jasmine has really taken into taking care of me and I appreciate that a lot. Mark helps a lot too there's always Jackson to do follow-up he does a great job. I of course let them talk me into a giant steak which they paid for so I didn't feel too guilty but still with a lot of money and their meals were a bit more minimal but I think everybody enjoyed the time. Following the steak dinner we all met at my place for cake. I should have gotten some ice cream but I thought maybe they would bring it but they didn't so no ice cream but we had great cake and great milk and great communication it was a good day. Finally the people got out leaving me at the apartment which was great I watched one of the Thor movies wow trying to answer phone calls from family and friends had a great conversation with my friend John Cantrell it was super too old guys talking about the old days nothing's better than that. Then spoke with my daughter for a while that was encouragingly fun too there are other colors that I did not get back to no time and no energy for such a thing but it was a great day for me and my birthday. It was pretty warm outside for February I found the 60° very pleasant if I had to be out in it. I didn't take the bus back I just drove the chair back on the side of the sidewalk and it was all good

So long 73

 Really I hardly feel anything at all on this eve of my 74th birthday are my last full day of being 73 however you look at it it's the same and it actually feels the same. I think in previous years I felt more spooked or edgy or anxious about turning a year older but not so this year I think I've come to accept the issue that I am just getting old and I'm not going to last forever and just get used to it. It's taking a while for me to get here I must admit that. There was a time I couldn't even talk about it really I would get so uneasy and sort of emotional but now it's like hump just another day just another way. The thing that worries me more than anything else at this point is a catastrophic event that would totally limit my ability to live like I'm living now- - independent and in control of my life. A stroke or major heart attack or something like that would certainly fit that definition. Even a minor one would be I think somewhat catastrophic. I tried out to think about these events though I think, naturally one is out there if one lives long enough. What kind of worries me is that right now everything seems to be going particularly good. No pain to speak of bills are mostly met and health is relatively good. I still have to be hypervigilant regarding pressure and skin issues in general as well as keeping myself hydrated and my kidneys functional among other parts other body parts. I think about this most transferring into bed at night and getting up in the morning that it is physically challenging and this is where I will realize that something has happened when I can no longer get myself from my bed to the chair. This morning I had this thought when I was getting ready to go to coffee with my friend Janet. Usually takes me at least an hour to get ready in the morning if I have to meet a deadline I have to start at least an hour early to get dressed by that deadline and depending on how close it is and how easy I can get there without personal transportation. This morning I had a bit of a problem Crossing one leg so I can get my shorts on over my knee I eventually was able to do it and I was able to do it well within the time frame but I didn't know it was a little more difficult than usual and that's what sort of gets my mind whirling during these dark moments. I was totally dressed and ready to go for the time I needed to leave the apartment to get to the coffee shop. So each week at a time, each day at a time, keeping myself physically active as well as working out on a daily basis which I didn't really do for my 200 minutes a week. These are all the things are some of the things I'm doing to keep myself going and not have something catastrophic enter my life more than is already there