So long 73

 Really I hardly feel anything at all on this eve of my 74th birthday are my last full day of being 73 however you look at it it's the same and it actually feels the same. I think in previous years I felt more spooked or edgy or anxious about turning a year older but not so this year I think I've come to accept the issue that I am just getting old and I'm not going to last forever and just get used to it. It's taking a while for me to get here I must admit that. There was a time I couldn't even talk about it really I would get so uneasy and sort of emotional but now it's like hump just another day just another way. The thing that worries me more than anything else at this point is a catastrophic event that would totally limit my ability to live like I'm living now- - independent and in control of my life. A stroke or major heart attack or something like that would certainly fit that definition. Even a minor one would be I think somewhat catastrophic. I tried out to think about these events though I think, naturally one is out there if one lives long enough. What kind of worries me is that right now everything seems to be going particularly good. No pain to speak of bills are mostly met and health is relatively good. I still have to be hypervigilant regarding pressure and skin issues in general as well as keeping myself hydrated and my kidneys functional among other parts other body parts. I think about this most transferring into bed at night and getting up in the morning that it is physically challenging and this is where I will realize that something has happened when I can no longer get myself from my bed to the chair. This morning I had this thought when I was getting ready to go to coffee with my friend Janet. Usually takes me at least an hour to get ready in the morning if I have to meet a deadline I have to start at least an hour early to get dressed by that deadline and depending on how close it is and how easy I can get there without personal transportation. This morning I had a bit of a problem Crossing one leg so I can get my shorts on over my knee I eventually was able to do it and I was able to do it well within the time frame but I didn't know it was a little more difficult than usual and that's what sort of gets my mind whirling during these dark moments. I was totally dressed and ready to go for the time I needed to leave the apartment to get to the coffee shop. So each week at a time, each day at a time, keeping myself physically active as well as working out on a daily basis which I didn't really do for my 200 minutes a week. These are all the things are some of the things I'm doing to keep myself going and not have something catastrophic enter my life more than is already there