What To Do??

It's not a bad Sunday for the first Sunday in my retirement life—I just have not done anything productive except get up and get dressed. We were going to go out and do some shopping for groceries and other things but sort of run out of energy as we put together our chicken salad sandwiches. I'm glad we at least made the sandwiches from chicken we froze last week. Was pretty happy to use the new rocker knives Dianne ordered for me a couple weeks ago. The knives are small but I think I will enjoy food preparation with these devices.

Interesting, the more sleep I am getting the less clouded I am regarding my life in retirement. I'm beginning to think of things I might be able to do and feel excited about doing these things. Things like doing more interview shows for the Internet. I really still want to do the interviews: “the gimp on the street” interviews along that same line the interviews with notable people with disabilities. I still feel them passion with this concept people with disabilities were just living their lives successfully, quietly but remarkably. I would not necessarily do the” super crips” but would not necessarily shy away from doing that interview because the individual was a “supercrip”because oddly enough many of those I deem “ super crip” are pretty damn interesting people. So this group of interviews would be with people in my life. I was wondering if I could do this with individuals for say U D D C interviewing various individuals with developmental disabilities in Utah or develop a similar project focusing on positive closers of U S O R clients. I just don't know how I would sell this to the various people who would have the money to pay for such project. Yes, I do want to charge something for this or I want to get something out of this or project like this. This may be I can do something for trade. I was thinking possibly interviewing people for specific DME provider I. E. Magic rest medical, Peterson medical, or similar operation. The just seems to be so many places I could take this concept if I could sell the idea to the rightful. Anyway, this thinking was enough to encourage me into believing retirement may not be as bad as I might have anticipated. Still, I have not really experienced retirement per se but with it being the middle of a holiday weekend will have to see what happens come Tuesday.

The course there is the old standbys once the weather warms a little dries out I plan to get back to the garage and redevelop my hook project, or put together my best pieces of poetry and develop a book and see if I can get V S A to publish it and finally to work on my “Burros of the Apocalypse” project. So I have things I can do and I have the rest of my life to do these things if I can just keep my focus. Keeping my focus now that's what's really scary.

Done!

I'm done, so ends the week, the last week of my work life ended yesterday at 4:30 pm, actually a little later because I got caught working the phones later then I wanted to on my last night at work. I don't know why but it seemed most of the operators were gone yesterday afternoon. The whole day seemed weird--I don't know why, maybe because yesterday WAS my last day.

I started the day like any other workday, dragging  myself out of bed, shaving my head and face making my burrito and noodle breakfast, getting dressed and heading out the door for my bus. I of course stopped at Starbucks and said my farewells and got my Friday latte, this one free because
today  was my last, day/week.  211 was 211 and phone calls, regular calls--lunch was ordered from China Chow my order of beef and  vegetable was good, I guess it was good-- it was just the 211 staff at first then a chocolate cake was introduced and the rest of the United Way staff wondered into the room for cake. There were a few comments of this an that bout me leaving but not many. I am thinking maybe because I am not really leaving, I am coming back on Mondays to volunteer and so it was not good bye just "bye" until later. It feels weird, I get a call late in my last "real" shift, I had not had the time I wanted go clean and arrange my work space, it did not happen. I basically left it. Delys cleaned my space a little and Liz said good bye till next week when I come back, a week from holiday Monday and that was that. Amy, the boss, had left earlier and said good bye and left, I was late for my train so I zoomed out and was gone. I of course missed my train and was running very late.

Dianne was waiting for me patiently when my train pulled in with the van open and the lift deployed--she wanted to go to dinner, a steak dinner, but needed to get home to my accessible  bathroom. I killed the night. we watched recorded movies and television for the rest of the evening. A quiet night for a strange, last day.

Like War…

The snow was falling today and winter still grips the Salt Lake Valley firmly and squeezes its residents yet this last week I felt the first rumblings of a far offspring, spring which will be like no other spring to me in my 62^nd year. But the snow is falling today and cold days are forecast for all next week. I must be patient the spring will come. Of course, today is Saturday and I'm off for the weekend but I took two days of annual because I thought I would lose them if I did not. I found out that I would not lost these days but decide to go ahead and take the days after Liz e-mailed me that the days were approved so yesterday, Friday I was off and I shall be off next Monday as well. Next week is my last week on the state clock at 211. This is where and perhaps I'll get into more of that later.

I'm a little spooked with retirement afraid I will lose ambition to do anything so I used or I'm going to use these two days of Annual as a dry run to my days retirement. I have had a task on my shoulders for the past couple of months and that was I needed to replace my Social Security card lost somewhere in the last couple decades. It seems I really do need to have access to my Social Security card for a host of reasons and one of the is to formally access pistol retirement gig. So I figured one of the things I would do yesterday was to get my Social Security card, or at least begin the process.

I felt good, dressed in bundled up as I left the house for my adventure in the community. I was in my power chair which meant I was on public transit which is okay, I had the time and the commitment. I stopped in at the bank cashed my second to last mileage check and headed to Social Security and our community. Now this was taken very little time had I just driven over there in my power chair but quite honestly a little scared that I would not have enough juice in the chair to make it over there back so decided to use the bus to go the short distance. This should have been a short distance short time trip but that was not a short trip, of course. And having to go to the bus station take the train back one stop and get on another busand then go forward to the intersection close the Social Security. The day was relatively warm at times, when the sun would break through and I just reclined my chair,listen to NPR, and waited. 45 min. later I was at the Murray office of Social Security Administration. I don't know what I was thinking but was blown away when I open the door and rolled inside. There were masses of people all over the office. Asians, Mexicans, Anglos, lower-class, middle-class and upper-class. Much like the DMV everyone had to go to Social Security Administration sooner or later. There was a number machine I have fast food joints are you pick the ticket and wait for your meal to be served and you have to pick up when your number is called. So to the Social Security administration my number was 299 and Social Security serving was 250 or something like that but I got there. I was okay just more waiting I can do this. I was a little uneasy because my energy level indicator on my wheelchair was in the showing low power levels and I didn't know if I was able to give back or not to import of origin. Luckily I always go with my traveling battery charger. The mass of people in this public service agency was pretty much shepherded by one individual with a gun on his hip a young baldheaded, nice-looking Rent-A- cop who kept eyeing over the population. Any time the mass would search in front of the front doors he would walk over us sure shoo them away should– – he even escorted anyone using their cell phone. That was the first time I'd seen anything like that, a cell phone? I guess I had some to do a security should be thankful.

You know he said with a group of people long enough you become identified with that group even though you would rather not be. So in my group there was a young lady looking terribly out of place, to individuals what looked like a mom and her old teenage daughter who I assume was from the west side – – they had that look in the mom was a motormouth talking bad about friends family situations happening in her universe. She must've been in her late 40s probably cute one time it snowed like an attractive door stop at a blue-collar bar. Behind me they were to guys, older wearing nice casual close who was obvious had not known each other until their meeting at Social Security. The right the Republicans are Utah Democrats who spent hours waiting swapping work stories and bemoaning the number of minority folks in the room. I then found the plug-in I could reach sat a few feet away from the bathroom door. The bad thing about my handy dandy charger is that it charges a very slow rate but still charges and eventually charged enough to save my life.

Like war waiting at the Social Security office is characterized by long periods of waiting punctuated by brief moments of bureaucratic chaos and so it was when I was called to the service window. I was just happy I was close to being done. The woman behind the desk was very nice, overweight, a true bureaucrat servicing the masses, she reminded me of my job but I use the telephone she has to actually talk to people face-to-face, the same people I know who call me day in and day out. At least I don't have to have an armed guard wandering around shooting people away from the front door. The lady bureaucrat dressed in blue admired my notebook and told me about her new Kindle and we shared a moment of electronic bliss – – we shared 5 min. and I was processed out with the receipt saying I would have my new card in two weeks. Not yet quite retired but get the feeling of how things are going to be...

Tick Tock

Blog February 3, 2013

I really meant to get this posted yesterday and but hey, i was my birthday, what can I say? It's not like we did anything huge—Dianne was all up to going out every couple meals but just couldn't get excited about anything. Dianne made me a great breakfast of baking soda biscuits, bacon and eggs great coffee and toast. The breakfast recognition was really all I needed. I received many salutations of the day from family and friends on Facebook and my older brother Ross actually called. I was pleased and surprised. Ross even sent the card with 20 bucks taped to the inside. Now, this is amazing behavior and I'm really impressed not only getting a card, writing out the message, and affixing a $20 bill and then posting the whole thing to get to be by my birthday, quite frankly I am blown away but extremely pleased. We seem to be building a closer relationship as we age and that is very interesting. We spent the rest of the day watching recorded movies and a couple of DVDs. It was a nice day.

Retirement which is been distant, very unreal, point my calendar up until yesterday has now become very real by turning 62 retirement clock is really began taking. Have less than two weeks now show up for work, answer phones and help people on a regular basis. Even though I have agreed to volunteer once a week I know that once I have separated from the State things will be different. I don't know how I just know things will be different. I'll be more of a guest at 211. I assume I'll continue with my friendships especially in my close pod but even those relationships will change as I come in less and less. No one volunteers for ever and I doubt I would ever work for 211 as a regular Joe. 211 Is Changing Way too fast becoming corporate way to corporate for even me to work for especially for money. I just don't need that kind of stress if I can avoid it especially at this point in my life.

February 16 is a Monday the first Monday of my retirement and I plan to work by first volunteer shift that day but what will I do on Tuesday, Wednesday and the rest of the days. Oh I think thefirst week, month will be busy and therefore I will not have to worry too much about what to do with my time, my days my life. I think I have to have something to do every day: structure. I can see myself passing away my life if I don't be careful. I want to write, now I will have time to write. I want to sketch, draw and paint now I will have time to sketch draw and paint. I want to work on my woood and now I will have time to work on my wood. Perhaps most of all I want to work on my physical condition you know loose the weight, add some muscle and become more independent. So I will have to wait for the novelty to wear off and then kick my life into care and structure the rest of my life. I know I can do this just keep tuned to see how

Snow Fall

Snow had fallen during the night—quite a lot but not disabling—but made for a tough morning. I don’t know why yesterday’s snow was so challenging g but I felt the tugs and pushes on my chair as I headed out the door and up to the bus stop. I believe he streets had been plowed at some time during the morning  but there was enough snow left that my tread on my wheelchair wheels quickly became  clogged and became essentially worthless. I sensed I was taxing my power chair but became extra worried when all of the sudden my chair complete shut off  in the middle of the street. I had never had the chair completely shut off being for.  

The street was quiet and dark as I sat completely immobile, I noted for the first time that I did have my cell with me. I left the phone on the table as I hustled getting ready for work.  I would not be able to call DD or anyone else for that matter. I was in trouble. I the darkness of  the morning I heard someone up shoveling their walk and was about to call for assistance and I heard a faint “click” and I tried turning on my chair again sure enough I had power and forward motion.

I missed my bus for want of coffee, I was that late,  I was just getting my coffee when the bus pulled in. I just let the bus go, I caught the next which was OK, I knew it was going to be a long morning any way-don’t sweat the little thing. I was shocked when I did get to the train station at the condition of the platforms. The last night’s snow was still all over and being stomped down into slick annoying ice

There was a sense of trauma in the air as report came in about an accident at 21^st station, someone had been run over and pinned under the train. All inbound trains were being down loaded at 21^st and supposedly being bus bridged to Ball Park station. It was chaos at the 33rd station. I had noticed at my station that the snow was deep and slippery the platforms had not been maintainenced at all, from the bus to the  platform.  I could barely move between the snow and the people, a huge line snaked to two  buses supposedly fairing people but this was a joke. The snow made me immobile and I was relying on people, able bodied folk to push me of out snow and ice holes, in fact I was adopted by two guys from London who did a lot of pushing—I waited for the “bus bridge” for almost an hour. As I was nearing the bus suddenly we received word that what ever issue had messed   up the trains had been resolved and the trains were back on line. I jumped the red line which I think was a mistake—my train was packed like a kipper snack.

I had nearly drained my batteries and I was worried I was not going to be able to make it to my office. There was also the issue of snow piles everywhere and I was petrified I was going to get stuck, but I made it all the way in, I could not even do a slight cline without my whole system crashing down. But I made it just 90 minutes later then I usually came onto work. The phones were already on and calls were flooding in and I was late.

Changes

The days continued to be bone chilling cold, so-cold that I don't even go outside if I don't have to. I don't get dressed just a in the computer room dictate letters and blog entries with the heat turned up as high as I can justify. DD has been deathly sick so we haven't done much on this holiday weekend. That's okay I have sort of enjoyed just being inside and hanging out. The little reading on my Kindle and the little cooking mainly just enjoying the time off and what my retirement will bring. I have been keeping an eye on DD to see if she worsens to the point where we must seek medical intervention but for right now she seems kind of stable she's resting and hopefully that will turn the trick as we return to the real world tomorrow.

It's hard to believe that I am less than a month from my retirement date. Retirement is just now beginning to sink in. Retirement seems a little spooky as the event becomes more and more real. I'm glad I've elected to at least volunteer one day a week at United Way answering phones. I have informed 211 that I will volunteer Monday's. Monday's is the heaviest call traffic day and I think that would be the best help I can be for them. It will help me to in that going to work or volunteer to give me up, dressed and out the door and doing something productive. I fear if I don't I'll just hang around the house become lethargic and complacent. I'm hoping that Monday volunteer day will give me enough momentum to keep me charged an active the rest of the week. I realize I'm going to have to take some responsibility and just in some physical therapy of one form or another. Perhaps I will get involved in that University crip program can see what it does for me at least maintaining my weight is not losing some weight. I may even have to look at finding some sort of part-time job that would bring a few extra dollars in.I think there are things I could do which would not be all time-consuming and keep me focused on giving back to the disabled community. I think my talents and disabled counseling is one of my strong points. We'll have to see. Right now I seem to be in relative good health and I must maintain this at all costs. I can see how easy it is to go downhill and why some folks do this after retirement. I pray I will not be one of those who give up after their work life has finished. I really do admire those folks who seem to be able to enjoy their Second Life – – granted, these folks also did well, planned well so they would have ample healthcare and funding to enjoy their retirement, really enjoy as opposed to just surviving. I have good people in my life, I have a great wife, great kids home, neighbors and adequate access to private and public transportation. We do not live an exorbitant life style and I'm hoping we will be happy maintaining what we have and that we can maintain what we have. Change is the only constant in the sooner I embrace this concept the happier I think I shall be.

Beware The Ice

So cold and old but I am getting round inspite of myself--got stuck twice last night going home and saved by good sams who pushed and pulled me from my icy lock--I really need to push the issue of people cleaning side walks so I have somewhere to roll... I don't have much time to write an compose I have a presentation today up at the conference at the University and should be a challeng--I should be more nervous but I am feeling OK, I just want it over and enjoy the rest of the day.

Saturday Cold

The storm moved on during the nght leaving eight tim12 inches of snow cold, bone chilling cold. This week has been rough for me, I only showed up for work only two days. I could not believe I had only be into to the phones two days!I am becoming a little concerned that I'm beginning to enjoy the time away from work more than my time at work. I'm wondering if this has to do with the fact my separation time is coming up quicker and quicker. I'm almost exactly one month away from retirement that is weird. But I still like being there at 211, I like the people I work with I even like management all things being equal. But I feel myself being pulled away to retirement.I still intend to volunteer as I promised I just wonder how long I'll keep that up.

I really hope my bowels are beginning to settle down, I knocked back a couple shots of antidiarrheal the other night I think that's helping—now for just stay healthy till Tuesday when I have to present at the conference. I'm a little nervous about the presentation you should be okay best case scenario is Rich will never ask me to present again which I doubt will happen been free I can mess up pretty bad and Rich will want me to present.I just wish I knew what was going on inside my intestinal tract. This latest behavior makes me a bit nervous but it certainly makes sense with the timing of my retirement. Wouldn't surprise me at all three diagnosed as colon cancer week after I separate with the state and begin my retirement… What a joke.

It's been a good day, made breakfast the usual green peppers onions scramble eggs all mixed together not bad… And am now waiting anxiously for tamale pie, which Dianne and I threw together this afternoon. It was fun I like cooking and I've been craving a casserole for couple days now and nothing says casserole more than tamale pie. We jazzed it up a little but I'm anticipating a great tasting casserole. Maybe I'll drown it in the country sauce. I may even opens wine to go with dinner of that would be different. It's cold though the near zero whether outside my door intimidates the heat inside.will

Repair of my laptop is beginning to take on a life of its own. I was under the understanding the machine is finished and all I needed to do was pick up. But I have found that now they're replacing the keyboard which I didn't think there is a problem with of all. We had been a little concerned with Diane's new laptop that they had forgotten to move her information, documents, from the old system to the new system but we were fortunate in finding where the documents had ended up. Finding the documents was a challenge but between the both of us we figured out. Now it sounds like a couple more days before I get the laptop back. I'm excited about getting the laptop back—it'll just be nice. To write on the laptop anywhere I want, anywhere in the house.

Back to Work feeling the pain...

I'm working today but feel like crap--don't know if I have the flue or what but I am trying to  make it through the day and hope for better days to come. No fever to speak of, no cough and no big D but I am wearing down as the day wears on--DD just called with a problem with the van so I'm on my own going home--I should be OK--I think I am getting stronger though and that is all I can pray for.

Freezer Time

I cannot believe I let my blog linger six days into the new year – – I don't have the excuse exit just plain laziness and possibly the weather. A major cold front has moved into the Salt Lake Valley and it's whipping my ass. The temperature is really no colder that has been in other years but for some reason, this year I'm having a more difficult time dealing with the severity of the cold. I'm doing all the usual things like wearing two shirts, wearing my great yellow coat and scarf and gloves. And I'm okay when I am out in the element but I can't be out very long.I'm sure thankful that I got vaccinated for the flu, I really think this is saved my bacon the last couple years.

The new year has been okay no trauma speak of, DD returned home from a mega-visit to Vancouver and we had visitors from Saudi – – Rebecca and John, two of our favorite people. We see them sporadically when they get leave from their Middle East duties and do a sweep of the US touching families and friends have left behind. A visit from Rebecca and John is always high priority but this visit we played it low key and had homemade meals and I think everybody was happy especially me. Red beans and rice and some kind of red snapper in a bag everyone was happy and everyone visited for the short time we had to be together.

My work has also transitioned into the new year, we're becoming deluged with calls from people needing to have their taxes done. This seems to be an annual event up there with sub for Santa and Thanksgiving turkeys. I'm going to have to to be specially trained to assist with this project but I'm sure it can be any more taxing than Angel tree. The funny thing is I well transitioned out of the workforce right in the middle of this project in mid February. It is getting weird now as I close in on the last month of my labors at 211. I have agreed to continue volunteering at least one day a week, Mondays, which is the 211 heavy day. I will also stay attached to 211 as a volunteer to assist with the disability training transition. This coming week on Tuesday I will be presenting to the Council about the transition. I am planning to have the Vista volunteer who has worked so hard on this transition to assist me explain some of the intricacies of the training module he has developed. I'm up for this sense having Clark there will take pressure off me.

It is the cold time of the year, slowly ever so slowly the hours of daylight grow but the temperature has plummeted and I roll around in the freezer.

Rerun

Snow fell again last night and this morning covering all the work I did on the ramp yesterday. Snow fell yesterday and I was a bit surprised at how much snow did fall. Actually the snow came down on Christmas Eve and I let the snow stand over the holiday but yesterday decided to get dressed And at least get the ramp cleared to the point that I would be able to get down the ramp needed. I realized getting up around if needed could be a bit tenuous oncoming home from work and driving up the ramp. I slipped and slided all over the place getting up but I made it.

I jumped into my power chair for the project and actually just put on my hoodie because I figured I'll Moving so much that the black hoodie would be all I needed to stay warm. Luckily Dianne had left snow shovel within easy reach the front door but even so I had to travel small way down the ramp and I got stuck! I then had a good 5 min. of rocking and rolling chair to get enough traction to overcome the slippery snowpack. I had just begin moving snow when my cell phone rang it was L Michelle and I rolled back into the house where we chatted for more than an hour. The call with L Michelle was one of the best I've ever had—I was taken back to the old kid days, we would talk forever it seemed. Michele's kids are gone to their dads for a week so she had time to visit without interruption. It was a good call I'm glad she called.

I forgot how cold I tend to get in the winter and I did get chilled moving the snow. I got stuck numerous times but freed myself easily enough. There were a couple times I got a little worried when I had to really work at free myself but I had taken great to make sure I had myself on with me. I did not do as good a job as I would've liked on the ramp, Dianne would've done much better and quicker but I felt good about the work I did. So much so I decided to give myself a treat and buy dinner at Subway. I had no problem maneuvering myself up the street. The streets were clear I had no problem. By the time I got home I was cold but I watch television all night with the heater on and I was pretty toasty. Diane called and we had a short chat.

I was a bit dismayed on looking out my window this morning to see new snow I just couldn't do it especially with more snow forecast for today and tomorrow. So I will wait till Saturday before clearing the ramp again.I must admit I'm getting bored knowing I'm sort of locked in the house. I may just get up get dressed tomorrow and shovel the ramp again and head back up to State Street.

Silent Like 1914

The phones have mysteriously fallen silent here at 211 this cold, and snowy Christmas eve—I am one of the few operators working this, cold gray afternoon. The was an unseasonably warm wind blowing as I left the house for work this morning—a storm was blowing in. I left the house a couple of later than usual since I had to stop at Alpine Medical to get the control box on my chair checked out before I went on into work. My chair mysteriously stopped working on me last Friday in the bathroom and this morning was the earliest I could get in to have the chair checked out.


My power chair checked out fine—which just means the tech could find anything glaringly wrong with the device. Dianne is gone all this week visiting Brooks—I am home alone and I wanted to be sure I am not stranded anywhere in my chair. My chair is aging and I understand systems with I systems will fail and that is what is happening all I can do is strive to be proactive and limit the amount of issues to as few as possible. I am sensing the control is going and that is pricey easily 1000.00 plus I just have to accept this and I am still a good two years before I will be eligible for another power chair. We have already started planning hope we might find the resources for my next chair. Last Friday when I went to pick up my latte I miss judged and spilt the liquid all over my control unit—the joy stick I use to drive my chair—easily the most affordable part of my chair and to make matters worse earlier in the week I had to pick pad cover—a rubberized sheet which protect buttons I use to operate functions of my chair. The tech told me I was luck cause if any of the coffee had indeed found its way into my joy stick control then my whole unit would be toast—so I may have dodge a bullet there. So now I am rolling on a time bomb. I don’t know when or where but somewhere at times my joystick controller is going to fail and I will be stranded I just hope when the that moment occurs it will be on a working day and I will have access to my cell.

I am alone this holiday—my family has gone to visit Brooks in Washington—Mark A is round as well as brother and cousins an one ancient aunt—whom I love dearly- I love them all dearly but some times it is just easier to just be alone. So there is snow falling right now as I type and I know the ride home will be long and cold—I thought bout making a turkey breast for dinner tomorrow but I don’t know now. The more I think about the effort I just might pass—maybe some red boxes and some wine or even a spot of Christmas gin and wait for visits from Christmas Past.

Where is my Hair Dryer?!

My hair dryer missing! I keep a hair dryer at my desk and usually in my back pack to use on cold and raining days or when I might have a bodily malfunction of one sort or another. Especially during the winter season during the snow and cold I use my blower a lot. Many times I get soaked from cold wet snow falls. So, when I get to work, drenched and freezing I dry out with my hand held drying device, I am always surprised at how well the dryers work. The only problem I have with dryer heat maintenance is the possibility of morning my legs or other parts.


I have used all kinds of heater in the past. Early on I realized I could pick up a hair dryer for hardly anything at garage sales or thrift stores, especially here in Salt Lake city the home of Deseret Industries—the country’s largest thrift shop network ; at the DI the hair dryers are stacked like cord wood. So, I can replace the missing dryer but I doubt I will find on as good as the one I missed. I lived with a teenage girl, our daughter and during that time between Bridget and her mother we acquired numerous hair dryers and some of the dryers were top of the line. Heavy duty, industrial strength systems, using one of these dryers is like drying your hair with the tail end of a jet. I needs a dryer system.

Today , I had a malfunction, I needed the device and I was totally surprised to find I don’t have a dryer at this office-I cannot believe this. I doubt I would have taken the dryer home-knowing my direct need for such a device. So if I don’t have a hair dryer here then someone else has absconded with the tool. I hate to think that someone in this office might have taken the appliance—right off my work space. Replacing the dryer is not really a big deal it’s just awkward and time consuming and will be good to have round when next I need such an implement and the biggest issue I needed to have device today

One more week gone...

Already the weekend and I have hardly any posts for yet another week. I am just not getting the time I need to get posts written and up.  I really need to work harder—we met with retirement systems and everything seems to be in place which takes a lot of stress off us and DD is busy getting the house in shape to live me in charge during her forth coming trip to Washington  state. I am feeling much better and  I think I get along just fine.   My time at this work station is about up, just a few more weeks I may do some  volunteer time here if they will have me—I have to check with administration to see if they will be open to me  coming  once or twice a week to take on the phones. I think working a couple of times a week will be healthy for me  as a way of stepping away from the work place: not too quickly. I firmly believe  stopping work too quickly may prove harmful to my health.

December Weekend

It was quiet this morning as I sprang from the front door and down a ramp coated with new snow—the snow has been falling all weekend, not a huge snow fall actually just a couple of inches at that but the snow brought cold temps, winter temps , Christmas temps and felt for just a minute the Christmas Spirit as I slid onto the drive way and began my commute up to my bus stop.


The weekend skies were filled with cold gray clouds spitting snow stingily, We did not leave the house except to check for mail the day was perfect to stay inside and cook and work in the computer room. We ended up making cookies and basically nesting. I was able to visit with some of the kids over the internet on Saturday night—Mark A was on line with Shelly and girls and were trying to get Charles and James online as well. We never did link up with the boys we really saw the potential of having everyone on line at one time. I washed dishes, seemed like tons of dishes, washing up after each meal was prepared and food project completed—I wrote to two thirds of my commitment and watched little television—which I believe is a good thing. I did not get to any art work, which is my own fault, I could have spent more time on art and I need get myself spending more time in the real time and out of the virtual arena. Though I did cut another video file for no one ;’s consumption but my own.

The hours of daylight are short, I spend a lot of time rolling in the dark and just enjoying the season

Focus,Focus Focus!!!

I have been sitting on this information for nearly a week now, not really knowing how to approach the information’s dissemination or even if I should but in the end I think the event is worth writing about from my point of view and the whole irony which seems to infest my life. This entry also seems appropriate  as I notice I am writing more and more about my impending retirement and how this event will influence my life.

Last week, I think it was Thursday, I was sleepy, worn out by the week ,and I was feeling groggy as I headed into work .  I was dressed warm, had my Starbucks stacked in my back pack and I was cruising pretty well  over to my building. I could have easily fallen back asleep if I had not had to work today. But, I was sleeping a little as I rolled, I could tell—which is stupid. I need to be more focused. I have to cross at least two streets as I roll Eastward to my building. I came to one intersection and I checked the light and the “Walk” light had just come on and not even thinking to look for traffic I plunged out onto the street and I immediately hear rubber grabbing for and clutching pavement and when I looked up I was right, smack dab in the grill og an oncoming vehicle. Lucky for md the driver was awake enough to slam on his/her brakes stopping in time to save my chair and my life. The driver making a right turn on the light. I know this is extremely dangerous I have had several friends run over in their wheelchair—people come up to a light which is red and the driver is going to make the turn. The driver will check for on coming cars but never checks for  checks for wheelchairs or other pedestrians.

In my drowsy state I did not even register my near doom experience, it was only after I had gotten to the other side of the street did I realize what almost happened. I did not start shaking or anything like that  I just could get the picture of the vehicle’s grill looming right here to my immediate left. I thought about the incident all day yesterday and even into the night. On another note I was so frustrated that on the next block, I got confused with the lights and started crossing  against the light just as another vehicle came screaming round the corner—I realized what was happening at the last minute and slammed my chair into reverse and pulled myself out of the at the last minute: tragedy averted .

Over and over again I have heard or read of folks who retire dying days, weeks or months following following their retirement. Why? I don’t know but I am beginning to sense something happening to me which just might affect my mortality following my time following work. I need to wake up, I need to sharpen my focus to make sure I’m round long after the job is gone…

Nothing Saucy

The skies are gray this morning with a promise of rain—the days continue to be warmer than normal for this time of year. Christmas season and it feels like  Spring. There is supposed to be cooler weather moving in tomorrow with a slight promise of snow but I will be surprised if I see any white stuff  hit the road. Dianne has really began cleaning the house, I think stimulated by her upcoming trip to Washing State to visit Brooks or from October’s threat of Sandy coming into town next week and Sandy committing to coming over and clean house—what ever the reason I am excited and pleased to see clothes folded and floors vacuumed—now if I can just survive the trip home alone.

I am feeling much more comfortable now then I was feeling last couple of months—I have healed and actually feel have grown stronger with the meds and other options I have started practicing  like the compressor socks—even if I can not be totally naked wearing the socks I can be naked enough to feel good and for art work ;-).  My days at this work place are numbered and I can feel the sense of separation I feel coming. I am talking and thinking about coming back to volunteer maybe one day a week, on Mondays,  early shift to get me going and out of the house and into life. I may look at some other areas to consider volunteering at as well.

Sorry, nothing saucy in this day’s post just checking in this middle of the week.

Sights of the Season

I continue to have less the stellar posts top this blog, I just cannot get the undisturbed time I need to develop the thoughts I want and need to get expressed…so in the mean time I am just going to rely on short little blasts of thought which will get some of what I am thinking about day to day and maybe an image or two.

Yesterday I came to work was confronted with Christmas poinsettias blocking access to the access buttons to the elevators. I know it seems a little thing but it is just one more thing I have to navigate round in a days time.

Just A Little

I am once again overwhelmed with the feelings of schizophrenia I feel as I am working here at United Way—I was contacted by my old employer last week to inquire if I would be the Santa this year as I have for the past twenty or so years. I have always done the job, I am legendary, I am the man. I am the only wheelchair Santa in salt Lake County if not the whole state. I don’t necessarily like the job its just one I can do and do fairly well and I have been doing the UILC Santa for ever. The problem I am having it the event, which is next week is in a week, I am already planning on taking a whole day of that week for medical and retirement counseling and I feel nervous pushing United Way for more time—but I need it. I would feel even more nervous if UW was actually paying me but since I am with the State still I should be OK.



Today is the UW Christmas/holiday party and everyone is off the floor except part-timers and me. Its no big deal but all the full time staff kinda acted like it was with much stealth and cunning and so that might mean something.

Broken Heart

So there I am sitting like a dufuss as Katia sifts through my ever growing medical file and I see her actually blanch as she reads through the material garnered from my four day stay in the hospital last August. She just sort of stared at my chart talking to herself saying something like ‘ I cannot believe I did not see this’. Clearly she is reading something important and I am just sitting there. I sense Dianne is concerned as well but I am oblivious watching the scene unfold, like watching an episode from “Grays Anatomy” except I am one of the actors, guest star, of the week.


I have had a couple of days to ponder and research the world of pericardial cysts, Dianne has been researching as well and on first blush things look better then they sounded but because my pericardial cyst presents with complications everyone seems more concerned than I would like. I am trying to compartmentalize the issue and stash it away in its little place until the issue needs closer scrutiny or action. But, still, this pericardial cyst is new territory something really pushing on my comfort zone and just maybe drop me further into the medical/healthcare system.
So here I sit here, answering phones, and dancing round medical websites on pericardial cysts and how they may influence my life. I am waiting for the doc to call and let me know what the next course of action will be. I kinda hope I don’t hear anything until Monday allowing me to have at least a great weekend.

Comp Socked

Yesterday was the follow up appointment at the  medical center for the time I spent in the hospital over this last August and since I have the “sitting” consult a couple of weeks ago—no big deal right? I cannot say the event was horrible but I can say I came away more displeased then I thought I would be.  I was fortunate in that Dianne was able to attend as my “Medical Advocate” (MA). Dianne is a great MA in that Dianne reads, loves to research and actually do the work to “help” the medical professional provide the best medical service possible.

I love my medical provider—Katia is a European P.A. for an MD who sort of specialized in spinal cord injuries. I rarely see the Doc and mainly just the PA and that is just as well. I can tell she really likes me too but she just won’t let things go. For months if not years she has been trying to get me in a pair of compression socks—my feet tend to retain  water, lots of water, huge puffy blocks at the end of my legs.  Medical professionals  who she my fee for the first time always tend to freak out a little. My feet don’t not hurt or cause discomfort—the feet just look weird and I can live with odd looking feet. Katia always want me to wear the damn compression sock.

Compression socks are socks which are super tight and go all the way up to the knees and pushes the water  and blood back up out of the legs and back into the circulatory system. Everyone except me thinks that is important. Each appointment when the subject of compression socks  would come up, I would look at her pathetically and shake my head that I would not be interested and usually be on my way but not yesterday. One of the main issues I have with comp socks is that are so elastic and tight I do not have the hand function to get the socks on or off independently. So once the socks are on they will stay on until I can find someone to take them off  and since I love to go naked, any chance I chance  the comps will totally limit my ability to be free. Usually I can passive aggress my  way out of these tight situations; I would just not buy the items and be done with it till my next appointment.  Not yesterday, before I could protest she had a package of brand new socks ripped open and had her nurse and Dianne wrestling the tight fitting garments on to my feet. I don’t think there is one thing which makes one feel older then compression socks!!

I have flesh colored compression socks on, I really don’t feel that different yet but I slept in the socks all night long and actually my legs have felt a bit better this morning and I am wondering just wondering : is this another example of me fighting the system, like the catheters, that after I started using them I felt so much better.

I feel I am just loosing so much control over my life and then my PA dropped the bomb, she mentioned she had not noticed a paragraph on my chart which indicated that I have a pericardial cyst –I visibly saw Katia turn white which gave me pause and that is another story.

Some One make me write Please!!

I have done it again, lets a week go by with out any entry to the blog, without any good reason I guess except just laziness. Long days of getting up late and working on the “net”, reading and trying to be artful—with ink and charcoal, video and image—I really like the image development . I did actually get dressed and DD drove me round to the art store, liquor store and regular market. I got a lot of items I had been wanting and thinking I needed for months. I really want to do some drawing and other imaging the next couple of weeks.



So one major out of the way and one more and then the end of the year then just a few short days before I shall actually retire and that is just weird. I really have to start thinking about what I am going to do when I am set free—so much to think about. Really, I just hope I will be able to enjoy the time—any time I have left.

Thanksgiving Week

Blog--November 18, 2012 Sunday

It's Sunday night, and I am preparing to go back to work tomorrow. It's a short week, it's Thanksgiving week so three days of work the holiday and then Friday which is a day of work but not really. I'm sure the calls will be coming in and the calls will be desperate as the calls always seemed to be when calling 211 – – the last vessel of hope for many of these folks. But still I'm sure most of the plate administrative team will be out on holiday so even with the grim calls I'm sure there'll be the day will still be a lite day and then the weekend.

Spent the day, naked working on the house, washing dishes messing around the computer room and washing the shower door in the bathroom. The shower door also acts as a full-length mirror and has gotten pretty spotted and dirty with the splashing water over the last year or so and I've had a mind to take some windex to it for some time. I got to the job today I did the best job I could for this late today but I'm pretty tired and just give it the once over. I also swept out the bathroom and I want to get to somehow scrubbing the floor shortly but probably not today. I have the pleasure of knowing the door looks better than it did.

DD is prepping for colonoscopy I do not envy her but has to be done. I've done it twice now and on both I have been lucky nothing has turned up that should not of been there. I hope and pray DD is as lucky as me. Bridget, lovely Bridget, will be taking her mom back and forth from the procedure tomorrow. It is really nice to have family around to help out on these kinds of things. Bridget and Gabe have been bringing dinner over the past couple weekends that is nice. Many times the meals are not what we would've eaten that still the food has been good filled with protein and love. I am wondering as Dianne I age if this is how things will go more and more support from the kids. I don't know if it's the way it's supposed to be that somehow feels right. Family, near and far, taking care of each other the best they can.

So pending on the immediate outcome of the colonoscopy and our energy levels we will get the bird out of the freezer start defrosting. I have not heard of any major get-togethers for the holiday which is okay. If nothing else Dianne and I both have the perfect little Thanksgiving dinner and if we have others all the better. But as of yet, nothing is planned. It's Thanksgiving week the rain fell today the temperatures have risen and the snow that fell last week is gone. Life goes on and tomorrow I know there will be call after call after call looking for the free Thanksgiving basket which includes all the fixings for a perfect American Thanksgiving dinner.

Friday Afternoon

The real question is: is  this position I inhabit here at the 211 space really a position I would take if I had to take the job as a real position. It’s really a question I have been wrestling with—I have to watch how I verbalize about the parent organization, after all I am a guest here at 211and I truly need to be here until February. We lost a long time staff member last week, we are still not sure what happened, all I know is that she was basically walked her out of the building.  Pretty spooky stuff for a small I+R call center.  Her postion opened up today but I don't think any current staff are very interested in the position, one maybe andf I think this person would be a good fit.she has to pray about it. I coud say a lot more but I won't...

Half-Day

Half day today, I am up to the U co a seating consult with my P.T. at lunch for the rest of the day. I am on the bus riding the system and hopefully enjoying the day and hopefully the chair will respond OK--New batteries which is cool but the batteries still don't hold a charge worth crap, so I am sitting here charging getting ready the trip at lunch time.

Ready to Go...

The cold is back I am up dressed and out in public once again and found my first dip into the winter reality I now indure kind of and exciting--the snow fell all weekend but accessing transit was not too bad this morning just a lot of snot snow. snot snow is ice formed as the snow melted and then refroze into rigid ruts of hard surface.  I roll mainly in the street anyway and the streets are gennerally clear of snow following th first day--I have my new batteries and new tires and I am just fine. Gloves, coat and hat and I ready to go...

Cold!!!

I Didn't Do It

I have blogged a little bit about how I tend to be Mr Distructo—seems everything I touch seems to break—maybe not immediately but sooner or later. I have been somewhat challenged to accept this truth about myself but the truth is I am a destroyer. I don’t know how far or deep this personality flaw of mine extends. I am a bit frightened to explore this I don’t know if I could bare what I might find.

I continue to wait for the latest part for my wheelchair to arrive. I have been limping round for a couple of weeks not with one peddle and I must admit I have been getting round better than I had anticipated I would. I am experiencing a little discomfort but all in all I am OK. Yesterday when I went to my 1030 bathroom break I put the seat to the commode down—do really force full and I was shocked when half of the seat broke off. Now, I know I did not do this—I really don’t know how this could have happened to break like the seat did—true I touched the seat last—or was I set up?? Get out there and vote

Monday and I Am Pathetic

I am so pathetic to have written so little by this time of the month, no excuse except too much wine and friends over the weekend--Thank you Sandy and Nuchine( I am sure that is wrong and i shall correct later) for stopping by and taking us to dinner and wine--we have missed you so much and was so  good to see and visit, cannot wait till December.

All is well, no traumas, health issues major problems--first group of monthly letters out a few to go but it is Mondy and I feel fine.

One More Post

There is just too much life right now--which is good, I am just having time to write which is bad. I just wanted atleast one more post for October.

Getting back in the game!

Looking down on the new cushion and armrests of the refurbished power chair.

I am up! In fact that been up most of the day since rising this morning at about 10:30 AM. I'm actually trying to a crease my ability to be up since I'm trying to get back to work this coming Monday morning. I didn't go back to work last Thursday obviously, Dianne and myself did not think my skin ready yet. I'm a little bit concerned about how slow this healing process has been and I must point out how much Dianne's positive attitude has been to be during this healing process. I freely admit I've been close to throwing in the towel--I just don't see my physical well-being been that much better in the coming weeks and months years. I hope I way off on this and that all medical attention I've drained off system last few weeks will make the difference into my ability to work till February and my retirement. But I have found out in this amount of time I've been off work I'm ready for retirement I don't need the guilt of work anymore or should I say the guilt of not being work anymore. I mean given the opportunity I would not return to work now even if my butt heels of hundred percent. I know that's extremely shallow but it's true.

So I've been in bed almost the entirety of the last 10 to 14 days it's been hard but I keep to myself extended time down will be more than worth it with the ability to be up and ability to work in the coming weeks and months. I don't think I would've made the laying ordeal nearly as well as I did if not for my tablet and technology and access to the Internet made the days of bed rest bare-able. I think being able to connect hourly with Facebook or twitter allowed me to survive. I'm still a little worried as to the durability of my butt but as things would have it the insurance went for the rehabbing of my wheelchair particularly with the new cushion. The cushion looks pretty good except it's huge, sitting very high in the chair. I know this is how it has to be but I'm really concerned of my ability to be able to transfer up to this new cushion. I think, I will be able to make the lift eventually, but it will take some time I believe in getting to that point.

Tomorrow I will actually get dressed and try to figure out how to mount the new cushion. I'm hoping the cushion is so good that my butt healing process might even continue even while sitting in the chair at work. I don't know if I want to play the card of been so fragile that I have to leave work early in the day to get home get off my ass but maybe if things seem rough getting back into the swing of everything.

Not to be too cheeky but seems like I might be getting back in the game sure hope so because I'm feeling the game getting back in me.

A Gift

 

 

 

 

It is Sunday afternoon a little after one o'clock and it's about time you go back down to my bed for another day of healing by staying off my butt, almost all week now I've been on bed rest for more to the point butt rest. I know it sounds quaint but this is one of the most difficult things I've had to do in quite a while. I know, I should be thankful, that I can resolve this issue, this medical issue of butt cellulitis I just stayed in bed--for however long it takes. I mean no surgery, little hospital time not bad, enough annual and sick leave to cover whatever you need. I really am blessed I should act more thankful for dodging a major bullet as I did but still there is a part of me that sees the days outside my window, even the rainy cold days and am resentful have spent a major portion of this beautiful autumn, down in bed quietly listening clock tick tock the day away. I really feel this sick time has been good for me. I am doing a little life valuation and realize I may have just come to a fork in the road and made a decision to live. Now, I just have to figure out how to live under a new regime of physical conditioning or lack of physical positioning. Trite as it may sound, I have been given the gift I just need to figure out how to best use this gift.

It's Sunday afternoon and I must return to the bed shortly for quiet sunny Sunday afternoon of reading and napping and fighting to keep my spirits up. I'm being such a boob I really damn lucky.

This last week has been a spooky, spooky ride--the whole thing from how fast the cellulitis developed to being hospitalized, to be an inpatient at University Hospital. But what was really spooky to me was how severe my illness became and how quick and how relatively okay I felt during this whole process. This event is really frightening me I'm still sifting through a lot of what happened, and what really happen happen the way that it happened. I came away from that institution, quite frankly, frightened of not one particular area of the whole complex after-hours during the darkness something malignant moves at the University hospital. I would never have believed it had I not experienced it firsthand. Interestingly enough I've heard this before, not necessarily the specific words, from other folks with spinal cord injuries that I work with in the past. They hated the place, and I couldn't figure out why now I know. The whole place is Stephen King novel wait to be written.

Early this week, meet appointment with my practitioner under the direction of the docs that looked over me during my days in the hospital. I really thought Katia would send me back to the job: wrong! In fact my practitioner sent to me to 10 more days in bed on believable. So on the way back to bed after being up for bit be down for the rest of the day. I really try to be compliant it's really hard on me but there I go.

OH. Before I forget the image I have chosen for this post is an image Dianne took of me in the emergency room. Literally seconds before this picture was taken my blood pressure was great as having no problems then all the sudden I spiked a monstrous blood-pressure--I didn't feel bad I would have known if it happened than not that either the time, naked and Diane witnessing the red bloom exploding on my chest. I look a lot worse in this image then I really felt but it sure was an eye-opener to me that something was happening that I should take very seriously.

Code!!!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjzY2UvyztI&feature=g-upl

 

The Amazing Gamma Rays with Kerry the head free radical

So much has happened since I last posted , where to begin actually, forgot that I did a mini post at some point during the hospital experience because I did not want to get too far behind and I feel folks out there wanted to know my disposition.

So it all began last Friday night, not this Friday night but the Friday night before, DD and I have been out, to concert of sorts, of an old band he used to support: the Gamma Rays. It was a great evening but not quite what we expected, somewhat disheartening but still not that--I think I read a post regarding that evening very soon that evening deserves posting. But on the return home and getting ready for bed DeeDee on checking my rear end noticed a raised hard lump. The lump was not there the night before so there was some concern. So, I knew this would be another lost weekend and I would be in bed until next Monday in hopes that my butt would refresh the hard nasty tissue turned something. So the following Saturday was spent in bed and the lump grew and DeeDee and I both became concerned and when Sunday morning came and I was no better not worse we decided to drop in to the local InstaCare and have them lance the artifact. So the concern worsened when the medic at the doc in the box wouldn't even touch me. He directed me posthaste the University hospital where" they can handle this that's what they are there for." So, we trundled up to the University on a perfect fall after.

Actually, the emergency room went swiftly but to my surprise they did not lance my bottom but admitted my butt. It seemed like I had a major cellulitis, was running a fever blood pressure was up and I was kind of in the danger. All the above I did not want to hear a perfect fall afternoon. Thankfully DD was at my side the entire time acted as my advocate when I really needed one worship me to act the my own but I didn't either way we working as a team. Now of course I was admitted to Medicine, where they did okay stuff all the right stuff for sick able-bodied person like I got the oppression the you know what or how to deal with the guy wheelchair specifically quad. But, we muddled through and they began to administer bag after bag after bag of antibiotics liquid death from above work organisms inside. Each bag took about seven hours drift through due to the intensity of antibiotics death they said they learned to do this is when group quicker the veins burned, literally! Add on to this, every much into turning me every two hours which is the old hospital joke" wake patient and see if he's tired?" I thought the attorney was an issue of pressure release but it was explained to me that the turning also My blood next up so clots would have a more difficult for me--great to know. So, I saw Sunday night dawn into Monday morning and experienced appraiser professionals like I've never seen. It seemed like every hour a new professional would walking, introduce themselves, asked essentially the same questions as the ones for. They were all kids--I know this is a learning hospital but still--the docks from medicine, folks from rehab, folks from OT, social work and on and on and on. Since my name begins with S that means my food delivered and" S" time meaning cold food that should be hot, bread that has gone to crust everything seems to be tasteless. Granted that may have been me and my taste buds loaded with antibiotic.

Monday night drifted into Tuesday morning on a river of death. It seems one of my nurses whom I shall call Nurse Mengele was skilled at lethal one-liners set to kill any conversation. Nurse Mengele was dark foreboding and work the night shift--night shift itself spooky especially in hospital the size of the University medical center. DeeDee and I fulfilled menacing nature of Nurse Mangele which we did not even share each other till the following day in the darkness I was terrified. I kind of still think I should be looking over my shoulder. Tuesday was filled with more drip antibiotics the hordes of medicine. However seem to be responding and seemed might be able to leave the following day Wednesday. That sometime during the afternoon Surgery showed up-- clearly the house superstars referred to as Seinfeld  and Costanza hemmed and Hawed through me on my side, poked and decided, bedside surgery, this point nothing seems to phase me I just said sure go for it and they did. Now this" surgery " was nothing more than lancing the mass to see if there were any pockets of fluids drained. Now since my arrival to the hospital I had been spiking temperatures some as high as 104° and the word from the docs and the surgeons was that if I could go 24 hours without a temperature above normal I could go home I had a goal.

I was sure by the time you suffer through another night on the Dark Ward that I had done my tenants and penance and I would be let go. The surgeons were in bright and early Wednesday morning and said look good so will keep the another day just to be sure, just to be sure. I felt" okay" have done this much why not another day. Half an hour later the medicine docs came and said I could go home I had ~what surgery said clearly medicine did not like that but surgery rules..DeeDee went home to shower and take a fast nap. How she was gone, the comedy team surgery: Seinfeld and Constanza waltzed back in my room and said I could go home--I was delighted. I was released with a bag full, a brown paper bag full, of oral drugs equivalent to what they've been dreaming in my arms for the past couple days. I was to keep on this regimen for the next couple of days or weeks whatever I was gone.

It was kind of weird as soon as the decision has been made that I was leaving, no more room interruptions from anybody medical which is all right by me. Dianne needed sleep so I hung around till fourish escaped together. Home, home, home.

Now, I am surprised that I definitely feel something dark lurks at University medical center a stigma as dark and foreboding as any Stephen King novel. I don't want to go back not even to rehab but I'm going have to that's where my insurance tells me to go. I think if I go during the light I'll be okay. Good to be home with Dianne, I seem to be getting better more so that I am anticipating returning to work tomorrow--shall see. This is a capsule of what happened on my hospitalization I'm sure I'll discuss things deeper in the near future is one to get this much out thank you all for being so patient.

Seriously, I have been the hospital sincs Sunday night, where we ended up after going to the local doc in a box and they would not touch  me,saying i needed some where to be if things got serious,guess what? Things got serious. I developed a cellulitus on my right hip--not good if you spend a major part of your day sitting up on butt.

In fact a covy of surgeons just left

 my bedside wherre they did a little work lancing the wound,a bit painful but not bad.