Surreal

Word came down this afternoon that my position, my job is officially drying up at the end of this fiscal year which will be June 30. We've tried and tried but just have not found a way to stay in this office. Okay, now this does not necessarily mean I'm out of a job it just means I'm out of a job here. The program I have worked for the last 12 years will be gone: the website, the phone numbers , and the sales bank; which is a real shame because those items have actually done a great deal of good. It's surreal now that you and is as official as the ends going to be. I knew this was coming and I thought I was fairly well prepared for the event, but I find myself with host of questions, a hollow feeling and confusion of what to do next.

I have become a casualty of the small political firefight. My boss, has earned some political heat from a powerful local legislator. In my position has got eliminated in the crossfire. It's okay for the last couple years a lot of state employees have gotten the ax. I am pleased and thankful it is taken so long for the acts to fall on me. Now my boss is great, she is been working night and day trying to find either funding to keep my position active or to develop some sort of safety did for me. Lucky for me she has a friend with a high level position at the agency level who has agreed to work with me to find another position somewhere in state government for me to land in. I have to admit, this is a little spooky, I've gotten pretty comfortable here, I just hope if I am fortunate enough to find further employment with the state, I love you make the transition, fit in and most of all be able to get to the work site on public transit. I need to explore other options which might be out there for me --I need to examine the retirement card or a disability card and see which will best meet my needs.

So this guy, I'll call the fixer, wants an updated working copy of my resume. What a drag, had hoped I had a copy in one of my files here at the office that is a no go. So, next I will spend the next couple days, frantically tearing apart the house, desperately searching for my last known resume. Hopefully finding the resume will only necessitate adding the last 12 years I have worked at this position. Hopefully I will not have to reconstruct the whole thing. Read doing a whole resume with truly be a night mirror. So I've got my marching orders, I got to start packing my desk, deleting files and start really considering leaving this office. Who knows, maybe this is the exact shakeup my life needs at this point in time--don't think any shakeup that maybe greater forces are at work. Sometimes you just have to accept what's coming down. It still very surreal.

Step by Step

I just got off the phone with State Retirement Systems, that state organization responsible for keeping track of earned income earned vacation earned sick leave. I have been advised by my colleagues here at work and family members that the time has indeed, come when I need to get the real lowdown on separating from the work world. I must admit I have drug my feet no small distance in making this phone call. The phone call and subsequent meeting means to me, this is real. There will be a time when my services are no longer required in I will be staying home every day instead of getting up dressing and showing up at work.

Last week in an effort to save a few dollars, I left the house early, geared from my regular course and stopped in at the local McDonald's for a latte, which was half the price of a latte at Starbucks. I was shocked as I crashed through the doors of the perennial fast food joint – – now serving breakfast every day – – to see 20 or 30 faces, aged and looking just like mine turn and face me as I entered the joint. Something which really unsettled me, was that I felt right at home like this was the place I was meant to be at this time in the day at this age my life. That's weird. The latte machine was broken, so I grabbed a coffee filled it with milk and zipped out the door and to the bus stop.

People at my office have been counseling me what to do, and more importantly not to do, with the State so that I separate with such organization in the best financial situation possible. This is getting a bit confusing for me, but I'm told to him it certain pieces of information, or fabricate pieces of" information " I begin to get nervous. Already I feel I'm living on the verge of conspiracy if not collusion to commit fraud. So just got off the phone with Penny, who I'm sure felt I was intellectually challenged in trying to convey my needs to her. I wanted to make an appointment to meet with a representative of State Retirement where I can sit and asked the big questions regarding my sick leave, annual leave, archived sick leave. I have a bunch of leave accrued, and I need to best find out how to spend the leave especially if I have go on long term disability, which somehow means I will be without medical coverage for up to 18 to 24 months and I need to know if I have the resources to bridge this health Gap. Penny advised me she knew exactly what I was speaking of, and I would not need to have a formal appointment set to speak with a professional retirement systems. I just have to drop-in between eight and five and one of the people will work with me guide through the maze, can direct me how I will spend the rest of my life without work.

Sometimes Its Better Just Knowing...

Note: this was supposed to be posted last night but my computer froze up as I was trying to post so here it is this a.m.)

It's been a long week and its only Tuesday but sine Monday things have been happening fast and furious. The State Legislature is in session which means my boss is extremely busy trying to get the “Klingons” to cease their rape of people with disabilities and low in come. Usually during the legislature O usually keep my head down and direct a lot of calls of folks trying to contact their legislators for one reason or another. However, this year the legislature has be come become very personal. This is the year the legislature actually took dead aim on my program and “pulled the trigger” adding language to the proceeding which essentially made it illegal for my three funders to continue to fund my program and there for me.

I cannot say this move does not surprise me. In fact I am grateful it has taken so long for the boys on the hill to get me in their sights. I have always managed to wiggle away and I still may have a little wiggle room we just have to see. It all started yesterday at lunch when my boss came back to the office from the legislature to announce that she had basically been bushwhacked by the committee. In fact they directly indicated my program, Access Utah network, should not get any more funding from the three agencies that have provided my funding over the years. The good representative felt that each of the individual funding agencies should have their own information referral system inside the program. This is pretty silly we have the whole should match set up here and close us down will be probably more expensive than keeping us going another year. The boss told us that she would probably have to testify this morning at an earlier hearing. The hearing would start at eight o'clock. We all begin working with the boss to develop testimony that she would be able to use in hopes of saving Access Utah. The more we worked on this project the more it seemed essential that I alone operator for access Utah be there in case the boss or the committee members need further information. Then my buddy Frank is in the office next door decided he becomes moral support.

So for me to be up on Capitol Hill at eight o'clock in the morning means I am going to have to catch an earlier bus than usual, to get to the hub then take Route 500 up to the state capital building. Under normal circumstances, this would not be a problem, but part last night was spent at the emergency room which caused no little stress and I'm sure did help my sleep at all. Luckily, we took off before name was called so far things are okay. More on that another time. Dianne drove me to the train so I could catch the 6:30 AM train to the transit hub. Everything went well, I got my train I got the bus and I got to the capital right on time. This morning session started about 20 min. late and they had a boatload of stuff to get done. My boss made some great comments and Frank and I smiled our faces off but we were no challenge for the wicked representative from Utah County. A couple other representatives spark some interest in my program which gives us some hope albeit false hope it feels good. The writings on the wall we know it like having cancer can know you it and you know it is going to get you but you just are not sure when. It's terrifying but when the.finally tells you you've got it cancer, did you things in order to write a check out visits, aside from miracle you're out here.

The boss has been in her office with the door closed, on the phone, talking like the used car sales woman she used to be, she is got the lay of the land now and it's not much different than we thought. I'm pretty much done here but that will not be tell the end of June. So we have some time, if possible I need to stay in state employment for one more year at least to qualify for benefits under state retirement system but the price would be astronomically heavy. Lots to think about.

Have to admit, I was pretty excited as I was getting ready for work this morning. I was dressed, had breakfast, packed my backpack and was ready for my day. I was mining the refrigerator for something I could take in for lunch. Seriously, I really rather would stay “in”at lunch, and enjoy a simple but tasty meal here at the office. When I pulled out the meat-bin in the fridge, there was a pack Oscar Meyer wieners. I knew these guys were in there but you know, “out of sight out of mind” I forgot they were there. I grabbed the dogs and threw them and to my backpack flew out the front door. I was not sure how I would use these dogs but I knew the tube steaks would come in handy.

My " call morning" was relatively busy. And I had calls write up to lunch hour. I was not sure if, I wanted to eat my Oscar Meyer hotdogs playing or try to find some red product to go with them. There is the German bakery across the street that I really didn't want suit up and head out when I remembered I still had pieces of bread I brought him last week hidden in the back of the fridge. So I figured if I nuked the hot dog, slap some mustard on the bread I would be set. So off I went. The bread was a little stiff so I threw wheat slice 10 seconds in the microwave which did the trick perfectly pulled the bread out and stuck the hot dog in and set the nuker for 20 seconds and turned my attention back to the bread. I'd use the mustard last week so it was still out on the counter in our small kitchen area here at the office and I grabbed the bottle and shook it vigorously. There's nothing I hate more than squirting separated mustard water on a perfectly good piece of bread are hot dog bun. It's just disgusting. The mustard I use is Frenches mustard in the bright yellow squeeze bottle. So, I grabbed the bottle, barely wheezing and a bright yellow stream of mustard shot out landing on my scarf sweater and pants in short all over me. I was in shock, how can such a simple task such as dressing your bread for a hot lead to such a mess. I am the King of messes. I wore dark clothes today so I should've realized something like this was going to happen I thought about stopping everything I was doing and heading over to the sink, weddings and towels and start trying to remove the yellow gunk. I knew if I tried that however I would make matters worse and smear the gunk everywhere. So I decided to leave good enough alone. The was half over what I have to lose?

I love Oscar Meyer hotdogs, these dogs did not disappoint me. I applied the mustard to the bread liberally, and place the dog on the bread and wrapped the bread around the wiener. The hot dog was great I chewed as long as possible before swallowing. It was still a fast lunch and I was back covering the phones happily thinking I still had six hotdogs left enough to cover my lunch need till the end of the week.

Happy Day Before Birthday

To day is dark, gray and cloudy Wednesday afternoon, today before my birthday once in my office dictating to my blog. They started out early as always, but I was a little excited because the office decided today to have my birthday meal. The office does this for everyone on or around their birthday they usually have a luncheon of some sort. Today I got the breakfast because tomorrow, my actual birthday, is a busy day very few staff would be around during lunch. Which is okay with me I don't have a problem with that as long as I get a meal somewhere along the line. Seriously is a nice gesture and today the meal was over at Denny's restaurant for South.

Actually, I really wasn't even aware that there was to be a birthday lunch until yesterday afternoon as I was getting ready to leave the Boston your head in the door and informed me lunch would be tomorrow. It seems, by the time my birthday rolls around, February 2. The state legislature is in full session in this office ramps up and is much busier than usual. On this February 2, not only is Legislature in session running full bore but the office is also having the Council" day at the legislature". On this day, all the staff at the office is up at the state legislature in capacity or another. May get so busy around here, I wouldn't be surprised if they had forgotten my birthday altogether. But they didn't.

The breakfast today, as indicated, was at Denny's. I think this is the second or third time we've done downtown Denny's for these kind of events. And actually, I sort of like Denny's food, the services okay and facilities are for relatively accessible. But the downtown Denny's is always a circus. The downtown Denny's is not far from the Salt Lake homeless shelter, Pioneer Park in the Trailways bus pickup point-so the crowd at the downtown Denny is always colorful. Typically, because I use public transit, they tend to be early at these events. This morning was cold and as I waited on the platform for for the train, I realized I could take the University Train which comes almost 10 min. before my regular train. That's what I did I hopped the Redline and was headed in bound, so I got to the restaurant by 7:30, a half hour before any other staff showed up.

Really, the place was a zoo, I ordered coffee and sat and watched the homeless folk outside and in side the restaurant—people shaking, talking to themselves and others who were not necessarily there. Since I was all bundled in my red coat I hit the bathroom to take my jacket off without offending anyone. Denny's at this time of day seems to cater to homeless, construction folk heading to work and inner city, county and state busers waiting for the next Trailways or big gray dog. Once I got the table reasonably occupied I headed to the bathroom, where I can take off my coat without offending anyone incase I show a little too much skin. I could not believe how rank the bathroom was or the fact there were two homeless folk doing their business, a full house, glad I did not have to use the facilities. One rumpled man started a conversation with anyone as he wrestled his clothes on, talking about he was going to jump the next bus out of town, he did not care what he had to do, and before I knew what I was doing I was agreeing with him, telling him that leaving Salt Lake City was the best decision he could make today. He got excited and I got excited and if I had dared grab his hand and if I could have jumped up and down we would have been yelling, and holding hands and jumping up and down in a circle, in the men's john at the downtown Denny's. I came to my senses and asked the homeless buser to open the door for me and grabbed my coat and headed back to the table. A few minute later I saw the Trailways bus pull into the parking lot and off load passengers, a couple of minutes later the homeless guy climbed onboard and by now is miles away heading for a new life, a better life then he could ever have here. I hope he makes it.