Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Cookies!



Last week I blogged about my brother Paul, coming down from Boise to visit. This does not sound like a big deal but coming down to visit – – even if it's because he is gimped up with the broken ankle – – just visit ground inis something our family rarely does. In fact we were talking about this lack of communication a few months ago and some even acted as if it was a good thing. Stating something like the family reunions was good enough especially with the advent of social media and more specifically Facebook. Space I thought it was kind of weird.. My X often made that statement as well as the previous ex-wife.. I just blew it off but now I think there's probably some relevance to their feelings.

So these thoughts in mind I'm trying to reach out via social media and strengthen these bonds to those that I love. I don't think it will make me love them more of them love me more but it just feels good in the right thing to do.. Besides, great use of the stresses I have the last year so many of my friends on social media as stressed that I should let people in love me let them know what they can do for me. And even just writing this makes me feel like this is crass but I'm trying it. The other day I noticed my younger sister Linda was online or look like she was. This was Saturday I think or maybe Sunday morning, I texted her and was delighted when she re responded.I think somewhere in the conversation she mentioned that she had just bake some cookies and I responded a company would be nice with copy on a Sunday morning. As I spoke my mind reverted back to the mid-to late 1960s and 70s when my brother, Ross, was involved in the Vietnam conflict. I remember my mother baking cookies, wrapping them in putting also carefully aand then putting them in a brown box aand shipping them to him overseas.. I was envious it must be wonderful to receive cookies in a brown box someone you love.

Yesterday was a day full of challenges I had a meeting downtown like I do every Tuesday. I also wanted to see if I can get some other items done well out on the tarmac. I quickly realized that the backup chair that I'm using just does not have a range to travel that my current/broken chair does.. Therefore I have to make decisions on what I will do and when I can do it when I am out and about. Yesterday was supposed to be warm but due to clouds and wind the 70s felt uncomfortable. I was glad to get back from my meeting wwith power in my chair. Later that afternoon I was at my computer when I got a message from my sister Linda. She announced that she just put a box of cookies in the mail that I should receive by Thursday and she is one of her favorite recipes. I was blown away. I was excited I'm still excited waiting like a child for brown box to arrive in the mail.





Tuesday, March 21, 2017

All In Good Time


I had 1 million things to do today or at least seem like 1 million things to do. I had my Assist, Inc. meeting as usual for Tuesday plus was contacted the other day but Barbara Toomer actually by Dick Lodemill. There seems was a demonstration this afternoon over at Housing Authority regarding one of the many issues thatTrump is putting forward. This was not something high up on my would like to do list but I felt somewhat obligated from my old DR A C days. Then there is the issue of trying to get the van taken off Diane's insurance put wholly into mine, as per the divorce decree. Then there is the matter of the week under the van. Taking care of the leak is either contacting my cousin, Scott or the boys down at Larry Miller's . That was the whole thing of insurance switching over tthis is all going to drive me crazy.

I like Dick Lodemill, Dick is an old friend of mine or at least an acquaintance of some 20 some years ago maybe even 30. He was a “volunteer” organizer working with DRAC. Dick was always trying to get me involved in the organization which I did become involved to a minor degree since a kind how served my job purpose of the time. I have nothing against DRAC is just I think they were somewhat misdirected or guided. I often felt the organization was manipulated by folks who had less than DRAC's own good. Sadly I don't think DRAC ever really realized how much they'd been used over the years. I was worried that I had lost significant credibility by aligning myself in my office with these guys. Still may have a righteous point and I think it's very important that this point be made again. DRAC is one of the few direct confrontation organizations in Salt Lake/Utah. I think this makes them important, enough to the point that I'm still willing to support them in their overall agenda. I have no longer an excuse not to since I am retired I just need to get back into the mode. It's hard. Especially without personal transportation. If I have other things I feel more important I will blow them off quickly. He saw my list of things I need to get the balancing and failed to mention was the power chair I'm using – my backup chair. I don't know if it's old technology for old batteries for the fact that I weigh as much as I do but I'm very cautious on where I go because I don't trust batteries will get me there and back. I almost turned back from my trip to Assist, Inc.bbut I went and made it back. I've come to the conclusion that this chair I can do only one major project aday.inasmuch as I am thankful for this chair, and it's going to help me get the other chair repaired this chair is dog . I'm at risk of falling out my feet get trapped in the foot pedals and overall is not a great experience. I can get by in the chair but I'm not very effective in the chair.



I'm going to get the other items on my to do list accomplished but it's going to be slow and still take a while. by will get it done in their own time.

Monday, March 20, 2017

One Step A Time

Today's the first day since my chair motor died that I've been able start putting together some sort of repair plan. It's a little frustrating having to visit with these folks that was supposed to get back with me last week that didn't just as the week was ending which I think would make so much difference in how things unfold i.e. me ordering the motor with a cut harness. I sort of found this out this morning that the motors basically unusable. Luckily the price on the motor was $19 and the shipping is 48 so altogether it was almost 60 bucks for a little over 60. Lessons learned from eBay. So I think what I'm going to do is go through Create for the $250 tuneup plan which well replace the motor and tighten up the rest of the machine which will be good for me. In the meantime I've got use of the “backup chair” which is a little challenging the use but I'm getting by. I have to watch the power supply vigilantly but it is getting me around and I can do the basics of my life. I can do the laundry, meal prep retiring and rising and there is not much more. I am a little concerned about trips and Assist.Inc. But again if I carry a charger with me perhaps I ccan get back and forth without issue. The challenge I have now been is to get my chair into Create and back again.. I did this with Tom this morning who feels that he can pick my chair of on Wednesday which I guess is okay I need to be more patient.

The next item on my agenda is getting my van into service. I spoke to my cousin this morning and can send the guy out soon to look at my van and what's leaking profusely. Then have whatever it needs to be fixed fixed. I spoke with Dianne at some length this morning in every switching over joint ownership to just single ownership and all responsibilities and to get specific reassurances and upkeep. It was good to hear her voice. Dianne was able to explain to me the status of our financial issues which greatly relieved my mind and what I have to work with financially and looks like I'm okay which is very exciting. A lot of us are close and disappeared which means I should go and buy some new clothes which we very cool. I would like to get shorts and T-shirts that would be comfortable and appropriate. I would like to see if I can find my old clothes but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I might even consider purchasing a new laptop that would better meet my needs and would be more functional..


So, I have a pretty big agenda for this week. I have a couple meetings to go to out in the community and I need to get these other issues attended to mainly insurance in my name and the registration changed to my name would seem somewhat daunting. Major research on my part and hopefully be able to find the documentation I need. So I need to get going one step at a time But with any journey starts with one step and looks like I'm about to start another journey.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

All The Difference


Last night I was able to put myself to bed and this morning I got up and dressed all of my own. This is a big deal to me in light of the events of the past week. Getting up and dressed this morning was a bit of a challenge. This backup chair quite a bit different than my primary chair. Particularly the foot pedals which I affectionately referred to as the box and the front. The foot pedals have high sides and back enclosing the feet. I now know this is important since my feet tend to spasm significantly. However,, I was able to get my feet on the plates sturdy enough to make the transition from bed to chair. There are still an element of danger but I was able to adapt quickly and safely.

This morning's event has got me thinking about my highly positive ability to adapt. Adaptation and a positive attitude, I believe,, has been my saving grace through my life and particularly in view of my long-term disability in all facets of life. I have been able to, when faced with a deterring situation, grapple with the situation and in most cases come out ahead.


I think perhaps one of the most influential folks in my early life which enabled me to have this positive outlook was my older brother Ross. My older brother taught me when to let go of a situation that was unwinnable. My brother was consistent,, focused and unrelenting. He taught me that life is harsh and one must know when to run and not fight. My brother was a trainer who never backed down. He showed me that regardless of how intense a training session might be there is life after that session, forgiveness and acceptance. He always had my back in a fight even if I lost he never held losing against the and more than encouraged me to my next battle I suppose knowing that sooner or later I would be triumphant.


So when my greatest challenge came in adolescence, I used all the skills my brother imparted to me. No matter how difficult each day was, that they would end and I would still be there.. You can hate life or you can enjoy life– – life didn't matter of care if you are happy or sad so I think I chose to be happy and look to whatever would make me happy with results that I encountered… I learned life was good… My brother taught me life was good and that is made all the difference..

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Back On The Road


I'm totally grateful and amazed. Carl brought the band and the power chair over last night. I was surprised with the power chair it was not as I remembered. It was much nicer than I remembered – – I even remember talks that it was a basically new chair. We were also surprised to see a bit of a charge already on the chair but we did plug the chair and the charger to start the process. We were dismayed when an alarm went off indicating that the joystick was out of place or that the motors were not connected. We got in around with this for quite a while and finally gave up and decided to let the chair charge overnight and see what the morning brought.

It was great to get a good nights sleep. Last night he made sure to take my baclofen. I have to wait till Carl got in. I was willing to get up at 6 o'clock as usual but Carl needed to the sleep in a little sent Saturday was the only day that he can. Carl was here at 7 AM. He got addressed in the manual chair and we began messing with the power chair. The Z took a full charge and looked encouraging until returned along when the Zs began to flash error messages again... We finally got it out of error mode when Carl messed with the controls on the back of the chair. I think that's what was missing up the chair.. Chair settle down and began to act appropriately. We loaded me into the chair aand I was ready to go. We did some more testing but we seem to in fixed the problems.

The chair is huge way wide for me to build difficult for me to set in on forever sliding out but at least its mobility back to get around which totally excites me and makes me grateful. I'm now looking forward to using this chair and seeing what we can do with the other. The motor I ordered in shared aarrive in Salt Lake by Monday and I will see if it can be refitted with harness that will fit this chair or my other Z. If it well I will go ahead and make the change out or take it to Create and let them up restore for that 250 that was talked about.. In either case I do think I can survive in this chair until the chair would get finished. The only problem I'm seeing now is I forgot how quick this chair in Energy I will have to be careful and make sure I keep an eye on the meter. I may even have to go back to carrying a charger with me so I can charge when I go but that's okay at least I have mobility. It's good to take a bit to get used to this chair but that's okay in life that's constantly changing and radically as I get older..



Friday, March 17, 2017

Straining For The Light


I'm really being challenged with this chair thing. The only thing that's keeping me going is to know that it will be resolved sooner or later it looks as if it will be later. I worked all day yesterday on trying to find a solution. But y'all read that in yesterday's post. Not much as changed. Last night I struggled for two hours trying to get in the bed for my manual chair. Eventually I had to pull the emergency cord on sidewall. Luckily I had my stay close by which allowed me to accomplish that task. I am afraid sitting on my butt for these long periods taken its toll. I do not see or feel any skin breakdown yet but I definitely feel I'm at risk. Jim came to my rescue last nigh about 12:30 AM and we were able to get my body in bed. But because precariously balanced in my chair and I can barely propel my chair I did not go to the kitchen to get my meds so I seem to suffer a bit after I got to bed with some major spasticity. My body finally settled down and I was able to get a little sleep it was a hard night. Tonight should be better since I will have staff will leave me naked in my chair and I should be able to roll in the bed much easier. On a positive note I was able to crank arm bike 30 minutes yesterday.

Now it consumed with the challenge of washing some clothes. I may try to see if I can send them home with car but Carl. I just have a hard time going all the way down to the laundry on my own. I may try still. I'm feeling quite guilty at seeing how hard Carl is working on getting the Van and my other power chair over here. He is but the charger on the battery and hopefully with the charger and him jumping the cables perhaps we can get the van running. If not then I will probably have the vehicle towed to my cousins. Either way it will be costly I am sure.

To say that I'm sleepy is an understatement. I find myself nodding off as I sit in my chair. It's kind of spooky because I don't have things to hang onto if I should need to grab something quickly. My goal is to get to the day the least trauma to myself and body as possible.I hope to turn the crank on my arm bike rally a half an hour around four and maybe get out and push a few reps on the rickshaw. I would also like to get out and sit in the sun. This would've been a good week for sun beasting.

I am trying to stay up both emotionally and physically but as you can sense I'm getting darker and darker. I know I can get on top of this. I'm pretty sure with just a few assists i.e. power chair I can remain independent. I still may have to consider other living options none of which make me very happy..



Thursday, March 16, 2017

Best That I Can



This will be my second full day in the manual chair in the ongoing saga of the repair of my power chair. All the people who could help me yesterday were out or if there was a good reason they cannot provide the information that I needed our today does not going to be a factor I have got to get some resolution get my ass out of this chair. I must admit however sure certainly given me a workout, physical workout. I don't think I get the concentrated effect but I have with the rickshaw but as Paul pointed out whenever I do pressure release I am lifting a lot more than what's on the rickshaw right now. Even so I would have to do a lot of releases to equal the hundred reps I do in the rickshaw. Now that is Thursday I know I have no hopes of getting the chair repaired at the earliest next week and that will be at the end of next week – –sigh. So I'm guess I'm in for the long haul. I got into bed last night okay now doing okay with my brother coming over to help in the mornings.. Not sure what I'll do over the weekend.

It's kind of crazy but actually went on eBay and found a couple of motors and I found a used motor for 19 bucks. Sorry got screwed on shipping like 40 bucks but I'm desperate this is a gamble, spooky. The two hammer motors would be 300 bucks in whatever shipping would be involved and I still might do those my guy thinks they are credible. That would be right up there with what create sort of suggested for one motor. Is all kind of freaks me out. Just for kicks I included the search I did for brand-new motors from a wheelchair repair shop. I got both of those I would be looking at 3000.. However, my repair guy Gary says he give me a break but even then it would be right up there at least 2000 bucks. Now the other option if this used motor works I could try to go through Medicare my insurance cover to see if they would consider the whole thing.. That's really complicated in the long-shot time -wise.. I would hate to spend that amount of money but oddly I could this at this point in time.

So I've ordered the use motor and I guess it's coming.. I hope I've done the right thing. I don't know what else I could do. Sometimes I feel so inept at living can't believe it
. Somehow I feel I'm just letting everybody down but I'm doing what seems the best that I can. 


B1a
DRVMOTR1306
MOTOR, DRIVE, ES712 HIGH SPEED HAMMER, TAPERED SHAFT W/43" LEADS, RIGHT HAND MWD/LEFT HAND RWD, CURTIS CONNECTOR, H-1059-007, (ELECTROCRAFT: 712-113-006-02)
$1,494.76
 Add
B1b
DRVMOTR1307
MOTOR, DRIVE, ES712 HIGH SPEED HAMMER, TAPERED SHAFT W/43" LEADS, LEFT HAND MWD/RIGHT HAND RWD, CURTIS CONNECTOR, H-1059-008, (ELECTROCRAFT: 712-112-005-02)


Note: I'm so stupid!  I ordered this item then went back at the image and saw that the wire been disconnected or cut off so I don't even know if it's  usable grrrrrrrr

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

More Equipment Stress



Paul was here Tuesday and he knew I had to do the Assist meeting. 
I Did Assist, lunch with David then back to the apartment,spent the afternoon with Paul. Six o'clock we went to dinner .There is so much happening I don't even know where to start. We had a great dinner. I sent Carl and Paul home and went to check my mail and all of a sudden my chair malfunctioned.. I seem to have lost my motor on my left side. I called Paul and Carl who came back and try to fix my chair. We're hoping for easy fix that didn't happen course. I even called Gary from Norco. I was really hoping he could pull a rabbit out of his hat.. He could not the best we could do was provide them with serial number information and he was going to check with the Corporation about warranty and quick fix options through the manufacturer.

I sent Carl and Paul home and then rolled around for a little bit.. I knew I was in trouble when I cannot get my clothes off, more specifically my pants. I was able to get them partially off the decided just to go to bed. I was surprised to see how challenged I was even in getting into bed. It was quite a struggle but I finally was able to make the transition. Luckily by partially having my pants off I was able to use those to get I laid back on the bed get to sleep I was exhausted..

Carl got me up this morning – – dressed and in my chair. Paul came over later on and actually fix the shelf or desk-I have been thinking about. Now I have a nice work area next to the chest of drawers. Paul also got a lattice for the patio. I should be able to work out there this summer with no problems that's really great and of course she would not take any payment for the lattice. It's been really great to have Paul here. Paul has helped me out a lot even with his bum-foot.. It was great having both brothers here help me out I truly felt blessed.


I have to admit I'm kind of feeling bummed out because the weather is turned beautiful. Today the temperature should be up around 75° that is unbelievable.. I of course cannot enjoy the weather fully because I don't have my power chair.. But perhaps the lesson here is to forget about what I could be doing enjoy the moment of joy being able to sit out on my patio, in the shade, and enjoy the weather I can during this day that I can. Accept this moment in time– – to slow down and enjoy what I have which is a lot. I was reminded yesterday when I read the posts from two of my friends, Almost AL and Tim two guys with disabilities that are going through a great deal of pain and prospects of immediate surgery which could lay him up for the rest of the summer to totally miss a summer. When you're a person with a disability losing good weather/summer is almost unbearable.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Little Brother

My  bro Paul

I'm kind of excited. My younger brother, Paul,, called last week to let me know you'd be in Salt Lake today and want to visit.. Actually, I think more specifically he was coming down to visit me and probably my older brother Carl too.

Paul is an incredible guy. He is five years younger than I am, the oldest member of the last family of my parents.. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I think it's things that gone as they showed up I would've been the baby in the family. However, that was not today. We were fortunate to inherit for more kids at that point and Paul was the oldest..

I wish I carried clearer memories of my little brother. I sit and focus on Paul and with the help of images from our youth memories begin to flow. The memories I have of my little brother in his infancy, toddler little kid phase our global. The as a time when he seemed to be everywhere I was. We seem to do a lot of roughhousing around the house. Wrestling on the big rock in the front room or in front of the TV.. I was in junior high wrestling, Paul was around seven. We have pictures from tthat time.

I had my accident when I was 15 Paul would've been 10. In trying to think the younger kids took a big hit when I had my right. I think mmy accident was my insidious demand for attention and I got it. The rest of the family suffered and I don't even know if they knew it.

My brother Paul is now an independent contractor. He and his wife build all kinds of mansions in the Boise area. He just finished a Cathedral cabin for himself not far from Boise. And totally proud of him and what he is done with his life. Paul's been a good son, dad, bfoher and friend. I wish I could be more like him. I think Paul is totally real what you see is what you get. Add Paul been born a few years earlier like my time I think Paul would have been hippy.


A few weeks ago broke his foot somehow. He was snowmobiling or skiing or something recreational. Thank goodness the break was not super serious. He is having to spend some time pampering his foot. He's got one of those new moon boots they get people now I can eat. Walking boots used to be walking casts. Paul can get around but she cannot do anything like work and is beginning to drive him crazy. So take a day trip one crip visiting another crip. I don't know what were going to do. It's not like I have a vehicle I can take them anywhere or that I can go anywhere in his vehicle. So I think you have to be here at the apartment complex which is okay. There are restaurants close by, we can order in or he and I can even make something. It doesn't matter what we eat what matters is some together time.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Long Days Short Nights


It's a few minutes after 7 PM and I can't believe it the sun is out looking like 6 o'clock, anyway like 6 o'clock yesterday evening.. Yes, daylight savings time kicked in this morning at 2 AM. I am always shocked when that happens. I mean I was blown away this morning when I woke in my clock said 830! I never sleep that long but I did last night.. Then it dawned on me that it was actually 7:30 AM but with the new time it was 830. Even with that however that would've been seven hours sleep and I never get that that much sleep the only thing I can even think which might have had an impact was that last night late like at 11:30 PM I did 30 minutes on my Saratoga silver just so I could get some exercise in yesterday. I don't know where the time went. I did my usual running around. I did some cooking in the evening I made some great Asian beef rice. I made some white rice that I picked up at the sharing shelf. I was so pleased with myself that I finally got the rice done okay. Mark Anthony came over last night to help me with the computer/TV and he even makes him to be 40 when out dancing.

I feel guilty because it was a beautiful day and I didn't really do anything with it but hang around the apartment and do some cleaning or trying to do some cleaning. My brother, Paul is coming tomorrow. I'm trying to make the apartment a bit more presentable it's a huge job. So I've been messing with the apartment doing a little vacuuming,, washing dishes and trying to straighten up my workstation a little, old by the TV and by the bookcase. It's a lot of work that didn't make much progress. And the watch a lot of Amazon TV. Why do I need to be careful with this. I could ruin the rest of my life with Amazon. Actually have to be strong. I've been watching on my laptop that love to be in to get the picture onto the big screen. I have a call in for Mark a but so far and not heard anything from him except for a cryptic ttext is morning which either gw might come over or help me over the Internet so,the thing okay? I doubt he could talk me through but you never know. I do appreciate that he does come over when I ask. I'm afraid I am becoming such a senior parent. I continue to deal with the guilt of what Dianne is going through. I need to figure out how to get the van with my stuff over here. I thought about tomorrow with Paul but asking Paul on his visits might be asking too much.I'll certainly be glad when all this is over if it ever is.

We are now in the days of long daylight – – the morning to be darker by an hour until sunrises so early that it does not matter. The days of warm to the point that I need to either get a hold of my short pants or invest in some perhaps. I feel like lyrics to Billy Joel song.



Friday, March 10, 2017

Both Sides Now



I get so frustrated with individuals and organizations which only lists or publish part of an idea or need for their product. I've noticed lately on television and some in the printed media where the cost of items of gotten so astronomical that instead of listing the price of an item they list the monthly payments or how much the price is been reduced as an enticement for seekers to delve deeper into their purchase commitment.


Earlier this week I noted with interest that Judy Collins was going to be in concert here in Salt Lake tomorrow, Saturday the 11th day of March.. And I was intrigued by the name. “Judy Collins” sign out in my mind like a signpost pointing me back to the 60s and early 70s.. To me, there is nothing more powerful ability to do time displacement or time travel as music. When I think that Judy CollinsI immediately think of her hit Both Sides Now. Both Sides Now Was one of those pieces of music that was always running in the background when it was popular. I don't think I appreciated the peace as much as I did later in the piece was mentioned by Tom Hanks in the movie ,You Got Mail. Where Hanks talks about the song. I watched the movie a couple times a year if not more so sounds always on my mind now when I saw that Ms. Collins would be in town this weekend and Saturday night tonight that I don't have staff so I don't have to do my process I toyed with the idea why not go to a concert even if the events downtown and I would have to depend on public transit of one sort or another to go and get back. Going of course to be no problem is that getting `it's a little dicey for me and bus routes close After Dark. I would even consider takin bus route like 200 or the 201 which I know runs late and then taking a cab from the hospital to my apartment complex. The price of a cab would cost less than it cost me to go to the dentist couple months ago and I could handle at no problem. So just to be curious I went to the Internet and finding “Judy Collins” was easy enough but then I was taken on a circuitous routebbase landing eventually on her website. I want to find out what the cost of the ticket would be.. The concerts can be a high-end joint downtown called Abravenal Hall. I figured the ticket to be expensive but I is one no. I could not find the price of tickets nor could I find Abravenal Hall. I thought maybe if I went to the Hall itself I could find prices there along with seating. But every time I got there I would be taken back to the Judy Collins website which became quickly annoying if not frustrated. I suppose if I click “purchase tickets” I might be able to get a pricing option when they want to see my Visa card but that's just too spooky.

This morning I briefly tried again and this time I actually went to YouTube and actually listen to really the only two pieces of her songbook I've ever known and certainly I didn't need to go to the concert. I got my fill of Judy Collinsspace and that was enough. I'm still wondering about the adventure of taking the bus downtown to the the gala of the concert at the Abravenal.

So tomorrow night rather than getting dressed and doing the town I will be home watching You Got Mail and thinking about ice cream castles in the sky”


Thursday, March 09, 2017

Just A Little Nervous…


At times I get a bit anxious and I realize another week is nearly over. It's Thursday morning in 60 or so minutes will have another session of the coffee hour. That of course is not the real name of the event for a number of folks from this facility gets together and has coffee and chats. No gossip out on sure some sneaks in. It's mainly old ladies or should I say women that are just a shade older than I. Occasionally one of the other males in this facility drops in but it's rare that I've seen. Their cookies and cakes, donuts and sweet rolls sometimes even homemade but I really partake of them because I'm trying to maintain my weight – – or even lose some weight. I have to be honest I look forward to this day and I would hate to miss it if it did not have to. I have once or twice for dental appointments for health reasonsbut by in large I show up and participate.

I don't know why the number seems to be getting larger and last couple weeks. Not necessarily new people to the facility for folks will been here for some time are now taking part. Anne is the representative from corporate – – that is my emphasis on corporate – – she is great. To my understanding she is not a trained social worker but she certainly seems the part. She definitely facilitates this group however softly. She is definitely part of the group but she is also definitely corporate. There are two other members of the group were corporate – – this is a married couple were what are designated resident advisors or Ras. It would make sense that these two should be there since they are folks who residents can call on if they need to. I have numerous times and always been there for me. Still though they are definitely corporate. But I doubt they would ever volunteer such a statement I believe in the heart of hearts if you asked them they would say they have to be there as part of their job and working. That's okay it's all part of the group and all part of experience.


Sorry for the tangent – – I seem to be doing more tangentzing these days – – it's Thursday again time for group. I get nervous because the days are going way too quickly. My health is good and I think now that I have the arm bike fully operational again and doing my rickshaw that I'm beginning to feel more positive. I need to make a call to one of my docs to get a appointment or have them write a letter in my behalf to the DME provider in hopes of getting my foot hangers repaired.. This is a bit intimidating but I suppose I can do this. More control they seem to be taking more control of my life which is exciting. Yesterday morning I noticed that Honey and neglected to plug in the charger of my list and I did it myself! This is the first time that I I plug the charger and myself. I had figure out how to get the charger low enough I can access it and then how to plug the battery in to the charger. I didn't and don't know why I've never done it befor, I would just sit there and look at it and worry that it would not have the power needed for the next use or I would try to find someone else to do it. This is stupid that I did not know how to do this myself. Another week this past, I'm another week older and another week closer to the end and this makes me a little nervous.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

Women's Day


It's international women's Day. Not to be too cynical but seems a bit contrived. I was on board the time for the big march in January over women's issues and women's rights and I still am just that seems pretty soon for another major international action.. But as I write this I instantly begin thinking I'm wrong this is exactly what we need to be doing, women hhave taken iit in the shorts way too much . I just hope they do not shoot themselves in the foot by having this action so close to the last. It just feels funny to me the way this whole thing or event disorder came up out of nowhere..

Interestingly last night my former CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) I think that's what CNA stands for, pretty sure.. CNA''sGail and I've written about her once or twice before. I've yet to get a picture of the two of us together which I really want to do soon to be able to post. As I've written before she is not coming over seems like once a week. This started before the inspection when I need someone to come and help me just once or twice but now seems to be a thing. It's just for an hour usually she cleans up a little bit last night we make Jell-O and talked about making some hummus. Earlier in the day I had been over to be Indian market woods across the street from my apartment and bought a big bag of garbanzos/chickpeas. The legumes are in the dry state and take a great deal of attention to hydrate, cooked and then processed in the hummus. Improving.net looking for recipes which are many.


I almost got sidetracked. Find out why make is that this 70+-year-old woman is working every day of the week. If she takes a break it has to come, as vacation. Last night was the first time I have ever heard her talk about wanting to rest/retire and do nothing but what she wants to do. But she says she can't do that life is too desperate for on top of that she is roped in to the people she cares for. She feels,, and I think she's right, for people desperately want and need her. I could talk her into maybe realizing that whether she's here are not world moves on and so would her people. I'm almost feeling guilty for having come over. She also seems to enjoy the time when she's here but that could just be me see what I was seeing. I know I asked her if she was going to take today off she would just look at me like I had three heads. As much as I need Home Health operations is much less for the women's movement I storm consumer and looking for the cheapest price for the best service I can get from a home care needs which makes me just another jerk American male. So I guess that makes me a big phony8s hate but that is the way that it is…

Monday, March 06, 2017

Close My Mouth


I know this blog posting is almost the sound sophomoric subject matter's been driving me crazy for the last couple months. I almost started by saying “for some reason” I've been gaining weight but in reality I know the reason. I'm just eating way too much. I cannot seem to stop myself I don't know why because I know I want to lose the weight I need to lose weigh but the weight gain is ccreeping on me. I have really wandered into foreign territory here and I'm getting really concerned. It's not an issue of cosmetic appearances well really I would really like to look thinner – – like everybody else – – but more importantly I need to weigh less for health reasons. I notice my butt seems to be more and more sensitive the last couple weeks. Associate this directly with weight gain. I had the reverse phenomenon when I began to radically lose weight during the last months of the marriage. Skin breakdown on my butt seemed to lesson and I felt somewhat lighter on my butt. I know this sounds weird but this is fairly crucial for a person in the chair. Skin breakdown is all-important. I know not only is it easier for me to do weight reduction lifts I just seem lighter in the chair.

I've tried to eat more salads and sometimes I do fairly good eating the salads. I've even started ordering salads when I do fast food. Last couple weeks I have had a taco salad when I stopped, on the way home at 20 for South at Carl Junior's. I really don't know if this is any better than a burger but it feels like the right thing to do when ordering fast food. It's weird because I don't think I'm getting that many calories but I must. I started making this concoction of nuts,, M&Ms, small pretzels and then when I think is I sparingly eat them while watching TV in the evening. This must pack more calories than I think because I continue to inch up on the scales. I weigh myself three nights a week or I have my staff weigh me when she lets me from the shower back to my power chair. I have a scales on the left which is very convenient. Last Friday I weigh 99.1 kgs and initiate higher but I'm inching back to 100 kg which is way too much. Over the weekend I'm a chicken Frank which I think is okay if I just eat sparingly and I also made a casserole Fritos tamale pie which I think is a fat bomb. And actually everything is a fat bomb I just hate it.


Llast week I went to lunch with my friend and yesterday I took myself out to breakfast and had breakfast fare. I could've ordered the senior plate or even their light weight watchers plate is no I just ordered corned beef hash which comes with two fried eggs and I ate most of the meal. It's stupid I know better but I keep feeding myself what is wrong with me? I need to work out more that's what I tell myself. I've got my arm bike repair now and hopefully warm weather will return quickly so I can start pushing my rickshaw regularly. I really think these two therapies help but are no solution to my problem I just have to close my mouth..


Sunday, March 05, 2017

On Being Human


I took myself out, again, this Sunday for breakfast, which felt absolutely responsible and I did I went out anyway. I had more than enough food in the fridge prepare. I could've done bacon eggs, pancakes and eggs, mush cold cereal even boiled eggs and toast which is really not bad and probably really pretty good for losing weight. But still I chose to go out and have breakfast at a restaurant. This morning I chose the Village Inn about two blocks from my apartment. Actually the VI is right across the street from Dee's where I shared a breakfast with my buddy Duane earlier this week.

I got there a little before 8 AM and the place was almost deserted. Sunday morning rush had not yet developed. The morning was kind of nice little chilly with the wind but not bad. I ordered coffee coffee was great! I was surprised as also surprised when I heard myself ordering a steak breakfast.. Steak and eggs wow I even had the kitchen slice of my steak into bite-size bits! Soon after I was seated for patrons began to drift in and were seated all around . Mostly couples I wondered what they were up to. I of course envied them because they were couple out having an early breakfast to what was probably going to be a busy day. There were also smaller groups of folk, three young guys at one table to add another. The group of guys look like it either been at an all nighter or had just gotten up. There is not much talk, staring off into the distance an gulping the coffee when it came.

The steak was a sirloin cut. The meat was tough and almost cold when I got to it. I had become preoccupied with updating my Facebook account. The state was good enough I think I enjoyed my steak from Dee's more, earlier in the week but then again that state cost two dollars more. I thought it somewhat amusing the waitress tried to arrange the condiments on my table i.e. steak sauce, ketchup and sweeteners etc. but yet they for the most part were all out of my reach. I had neglected to bring a short hook with me. I found myself eating my statement my fingers and even fragments of the hashbrowns clumped together enough to renderer a good pinch. I was a little self-conscious of being such a barbarian but no one seemed to notice and it wasn't grossly and the mouth. Perhaps had there been more people around I would've used the fork more but really it took a lot of energy sphere the bites of sirloin.


I know I'm preoccupied with gaining weight. I'm not doing very well with dieting. I came to the realization that the reason I've done as well as I had this because Dianne was in my corner supporting me in my challenge. Not having Dianne in my life now I think is the reason for my significant weight gain.. I don't know how to remedy this except by just being stronger. I don't know why I can't do this. The weight gain is actually frightening to me. I can feel myself getting larger which is cosmetic but still bums me out but more importantly I can feel the weight pulling on me into my chair which I feel could cause pressure sores which terrifies me. Still I take myself out to breakfast when I know I shouldn't and order fat that I know I shouldn't sometimes I just need to feel human.

Saturday, March 04, 2017

Happy Weekend



Today is Saturday and it actually feels like Saturday.. You know that feeling when you have had a good nights restit feels like the end of the week. It's the day that you are taxed get something done something productive if not beneficial. I love that feeling. I woke up make coffe had a couple of boiled eggs space and toast when I jumped on lying to see if my computer would tie into the Wi-Fi offered by my apartment complex which to my shock the computer linked right up! So of course I had to look at my emails and get rid of every piece of junk mail/spam, then of course Facebook. That of course is a real-time guzzler.. I did a couple of posts and then started actually communicating with folks on messenger. I've gotten over my shyness of using the verbal/visual option of messenger and really kind of like it but not everyone else shares my face-to-face enthusiasm.. Still though I find it much easier to communicate verbally then typing or dictating things out the old way.

I would really enjoy utilizing these features so much more if I had a connection to the Internet that was not as funky as mine. I use the Wi-Fi offered through my apartment complex. The Wi-Fi is spotty at best. Usually I cannot even access Wi-Fi at all but the last couple of weeks I've been able to get on with much more frequency that I have been. And sometimes in the evenings for quite extended period of time, long enough to do these face-to-face chats on messenger. Again, I think I've gone over this to some degree the past. But the best thing explanation that I can get from anybody anywhere is that the Wi-Fi I use is broadcast from the front of the building and of course I am all the way on the far end of the building.. Now the resident advisors have indicated that they have Wi-Fi boosters throughout the hallways but I don't know how viable these boosters are. I have noticed, however, that when they reboot these boosters I do get quite a bit of extended play on the Wi-Fi. I'm toying with the possibility of getting Xfinity, the cable provider, but I have such a hard time dealing with these pricks. And I'm quite spooked at having access to reliable and censored Internet. I had this kind of access I may never do anything productive again. And even now, I am debating on blowing up the day outside as opposed to writing my monthly letters which I can do tomorrow just as easily yesterday or even Monday when a storm is supposed to be passing throughc space the area.



It's Saturday and I still love Saturdays. I was afraid that in retirement I would not, I was afraid the days when all blend together and run together like about watercolor. But that's not the case I love weekends still cherish the holidays hope you do too happy weekend..

Friday, March 03, 2017

Moving On



As you may be aware from previous blog entries I have been somewhat preoccupied with the apartment inspections that were coming up this week. Actually they should have been last week but were changed for some reason. I guess there are two kinds of inspections one inspection by the folks who own the property which is a private nonprofit called Utah nonprofit association and there is more comprehensive inspection done by HUD.

I of course quizzed my apartment neighbors who all said not to worry that these inspections were pretty much low-key and pretty much for the nonprofit to see where unit improvements could be made. Inspections are not to be punitive. However, when the person who is over these inspections, informed us they were going to be coming she did make it sound at least to me punitive. They were not they were everything my apartment mates said. In fact I think I will be getting some significant improvements to the apartment because of the inspections. I like my apartment clean like this and I'm going to try to keep it picked up and clean like it is now. I will also try to keep a friend of mine coming in weekly helping with some of the apartment issues on my have. I like your company. She is safe and I think she likes to come over.

Also during this period something happened to my arm-bike. The speed indicator are tension/resistance module stopped working. I researched the problem which the sort of indicated was due to static charge that I may have inadvertently administered to the machine. Luckily I had some materials that came with the bike as well is going online. I tried to contact the factory but to no avail.. I could get no one to respond to the messages I left and when I try to get hold of a Monday that shut the place down for a week. However,, the maintenance guy came over today to work on my apartment and I had him try the workaround or solution the Internet provided – – which I tried and didn't work – – but of course when he tried to reset took and it looks like I have a machine for exercising again which is great! I think I've really been having a hard time sleeping since I haven't been able to physically work out as I have



My next big project I guess will be doing my taxes are figuring out how to do my taxes. I'm going to have to contact Dianneto see how to figure this out. We were going to file jointly but because the divorce was so quick I don't know if we are still filing together are even if we can. This just leaves me with a bunch of questions I need to ask so I can figure out how to proceed on the next step. Then focused on my butt but feels like a possible skin breakdown that's what I don't need either specially with spring around the corner. I've had a buffer for the last week and a half now that's gone and I must move on.

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

March 1st


I'm getting nervous. Tomorrow supposedly is the inspection, the apartment inspection I've been grousing about the last week or so. I have been assured that this inspection is no big deal that they just want to check out my apartment to see if there is any repairs that need to be done or considered. This possibly also be a good time to bring up ideas I might have asked to what might make this living situation even better for me. I don't know if that far our technical.. I hope I will be well enough to stand the process.. I think I'm going through some sort of a UTI event. I plan to do some flushing today hopefully that will make me feel somewhat better tomorrow.

It has been cold the past couple of days making being out in the weather somewhat challenging but not too bad. Yesterday, I made my meeting in the morning than just a goofed around in the afternoon. I'm somewhat frustrated because my hand bike choose or arm bike has stopped working. Well, actually your bike basically works it just gives me no resistance and the resistance is what I need. I mean I don't know if just sitting there cranking away at no resistance is worth the effort. I suppose I get some sort of cardiac stimulation from cranking but still without resistance it seems somewhat futile. I of course checked the manual to see if there was a quick fix their which there was but of course did not work and secondly I have numerous calls into Rand-Scott, the folks who manufacture the Saratoga Silver and they have tried once or twice to call me back but I've not been able to get to the phone and time and when I try to call back I just get a recording leave a message. I hope the fix is easy and very inexpensive but I would actually pay a lot to get it repaired selecting get back into my workout regimen. I have not even the lifting are pushing the rickshaw because it's been cold outside and snowing. Hopefully that will at least change. It can be thy imagination but I think that ill health I am experiencing now is directly related to my new inactivity.I've made a priority to make contact with Rand Scott to see what it will take to resolve this problem. I'm also going to start looking at local solutions.. The problems electrical, and I agree with what little research I found which says that the issue is probably an electric surge of some sort that knocked out the one part of the machine that I need to have working to provide the resistance but we shall see.



It is March now. The hours of daylight are longer aand I sense the days are going to be warmer even by the end of the week. This gives me great joy and hope of making it into the next season. It does not look like my class will be offered again the semester at community College.I guess I could audit some other class but that wouldn't be the same as an art class. I would really like to be a better artist that I currently am.. I'm so gauche.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Snow Fell Again During The Night

Snow fell, again, during the night,  a lot of  snow or so it seemed this morning when I got up and began preparing for my day. It was ok, the snow, I had no where to go and really no reason to leave the building. The hour it was late when I finally got to bed last night. There was no good reason why I stayed up except the goof around either on the computer or at my desk. I knew I had nowhere to go this morning so it didn't matter what time I went to bed. I don't know that's a healthy attitude to take but it's one that I finding myself fall into more and more. I actually spent a good deal of time yesterday afternoon and evening sending messages out to different folks via Facebook. It just seems like something to do - - something I could do and should do to stay connected.

I am finding isolation is becoming easier and easier to do here. Unless I have a reason I just do not  go out-- this may change as weather improves a Spring gets a better foothold in this area. I think I well. But I can see how easy becoming invisible could be. I have a neighbor name Jose, who lives across the hall from me. I rarely seem Jose. (I have written about him before) Jose speaks broken english(at best).  Jose must be in his mid to late 60’s,Jose is short in stature and always has a smile on his face. Jose knows  enough  English to get by. I never see him leave his apartment. Jose is always willing to assist me when and if I need help. The point I am laboring to make is that Jose is invisible. Who knows maybe that is exactly what this little guy wants. He might be hiding from ICE--Jose has good reason to be invisible...I don't!

If I could I would go to the market daily , in fact I almost do. I almost think I use my daily trips to the market to be social or to socialize. I see people here at the apartments in the common area and try to visit with them when I can. I just feel I like visiting “real people-” more. Oops,  there I have said it. I don't really consider the folks here at the apartments real people. I should be whipped!! I find my time here interacting with folks sort of like work. Like doing a good deed not necessarily folks I would want to be with if I did not have to : other seniors. This is so pathetic I am ashamed. But this is true.

Today is it snowing Monday, I thought there was a function this afternoon like a play but when I got there it was a quasi medical procedure program. Local Insurance Group has a medical person someone trained  blood pressure and sugar recording. In fact, they keep this information on hand so that's next month when it is done again they will be able to have something to go on and over a number of months a very good Baseline what's my blood pressure and blood sugar is. On first blush this kind of freaked me out but the more I pondered the better it sounded. I have to admit depressed with having the service free of charge right here in the apartments once a month period in fact that even have a short discussion / teaching session afterwards over a given topic this month was heart health  next month will be developing and maintaining a good diet. I know it's all very senior 
geeky that's right where I need to be.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Arm Bike



I have an arm-bike. I believe I've written about it before it seems I have written about everything before in this blog at one time or another. The name of my arm bike is Saratoga Silver. I've had piece of equipment two or three years now. I was first exposed to the arm bike when I was involved wit Wellness University of Utah. It took a while for me to warm up to the arm bike but eventually I found the equipment and essential part of my daily workout process. I was fortunate a couple years ago to have found an arm bike for sale on the Internet and make the purchase allowing me not to have to leave the house to grind the bike for however long I would. I think of all the things I do on a daily basis my daily work out on the arm bike is the most important. That is why earlier last week I noticed with some anxiety that my arm bike was no longer offering any resistance. I turned off the bike and then turn the bike on again and it seemed to work just fine. I thought perhaps some sort of temporary glitch that righted itself on the reboot. So imagine my dismay yesterday when I noticed something when I turned on my Saratoga and it no longer gave me any resistance even after I went through the same process as I did last week. I thought maybe if I let the machine to its own devices, overnight, it would again reboot but so far it has not and it has left me in a quandary. Of course this all happened last night about 4 o'clock my time so I was not able to get a hold of the company which builds the arm bike and hopefully it will be a quick fix. I sort of doubt that however because I think what is happening is some sort of software issue.. However I have fired off an email to the company and hopefully someone will get back to me Monday or I will call them.


Last night when I got to bed I noticed attended to be thrashing more than usual, sleep was not coming quickly and smoothly as usual. Then I remembered I had not really worked out yesterday afternoon. Getting no resistance to my hand peddling I was wondering if the effort was worth the effort.. I still don't know but what I do know is that even though I felt sleepy earlier in the evening I couldn't get to sleep right off. I think this is directly related to not working out. I only listed 40 or 50 reps because the snow was too challenging for me to left and besides last night was a staff night which means I had to get things done before Honey got here. This kind of worries me if I cannot get my Saratoga running again.. I will figure something out even if I have to purchase a machine less sophisticated than the Saratoga Silver. I need this in my life my heart needs this in my life as well as my sleep.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Frustration


For a week now I have been consumed with trying to clean my apartment. Management announced last week that on today, Friday, February 24 that apartment inspections would be executed. The lady from corporate name Vicki seemed to be a real ball buster and would suffer fools poorly and here I mean fools that cannot keep their apartments clean are after her standards/corporate standards. So of course I did nothing for the first two or three days and then thank goodness my old CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) volunteered to assist me in the cleanup process. Wow! I cannot believe how much this helped. Gail really helped straightening out the kitchen. Gail still works as a CNA, she works very hard I felt a bit guilty having her help. I even ooffered to pay for something for her efforts but she refused. I did foist some boiled eggs, carton of milk etc. Gail will take food and that's even better than money.

Gail came over Tuesday night and work for about two and half hours. Then she said she would come over last night Thursday night. It was pretty late in the evening when I got out text mail indicating she had some work things come up and would not be able to come over till about 8 o'clock.. Actually the apartment looked pretty good still from her work on Tuesday. However there are a few things I could not reach that deal with be able to get to easily. She did show up but was called away after about 45 minutes for an emergency call she got while vacuuming the apartment. That was okay as “pretty comfortable with the whole operation. I spoke to a couple of the other residents at this apartment complex who indicated that the inspection is really not a big deal..Still it something could be messed up it would mess up on me.

I actually worked kind of late on the bathroom. I especially worked on the count and the sink. When I went to bed the bathroom looked pretty good. I would like to have mopped the floor but I think the whole unit would pass muster. Things are really worried me was holes punched in the wall by my wheelchair and raisins ground in the carpet and solidified. I actually got some stuff supposedly to clean these spots. I treated the spots but they didn't really come off. I guess ago have to be scrubbed.


I figured I could wake up and do a few last things which I did. I spent the morning working on projects on my computer got a knock on the door of the building manager informing me there'd be no inspection today. Inspection has now been rescheduled for next Thursday ! I should be relieved. I should celebrate but I can't think of looms in my mind is that I'm going to have to keep the apartment clean until Thursday. This seems like a monumental task – – but you know what? I like that with the place looks and I think if I just keep everything up I should do okay. Maybe this is another step in growing up. I can't wait till Thursday

Thursday, February 23, 2017

FEBRUARY SNOW

Thursday afternoon and I should be out doing stuff but you know what? It's snowing and I did not really want to get out in the snow. Yesterday I was going to to do my regular workout on my rickshaw and I did not realize the snow was coming down. When I got out in the rickshaw the snow was literally blowing sideways directly in the face and I only did 20 of my Hundred reps and called it good. I cannot remember ever being such a wuss. But this is where I'm at years of my life. I could spend the rest of the afternoon listen to Talking Heads watching the snow and drifting in and out of Twilight sleep which is really an old fart thing to do. However like Robert Frost “ I have miles to go before I sleep ? Tomorrow is the Inspection! And there is tons to do. In fact I am blessed that Gail is coming over tonight to help with straightening up my apartment. So far Gail has not let pay her for services rendered-Gail has come over a couple weeks now on Thursday nights and worked a couple hours cleaning. I want to hang some photographs but I do not want to harm the walls so I want to cross the street and get some wall hanging tabs or whatever they're called. I am sure I have seen these devices over at the prolog store. I cannot be long,I must get back to vacuum and do my bike before Gail shows up. As I have said Gail will not let me pay her. I have been able to sour cream comma bananas, and other items I may have just laying around the house. she seems to be able to accept these things alright just right now she will not take money. Very interesting. I mean she works herself to death 40 plus hours a week doing this CNA work and I would be willing to paper , I'm sure as much as she cleans from the agency she works for after they take their cut. As much as I hate this inspection coming tomorrow getting ready for this event. The event has forced me to look at how I am kind of my apartment. I have made a commitment to myself to keep a clean, tidy and neat living space. I can do this even if this means having someone come in a couple times a week/month to force order on my space. I am old enough it time I begin to act my age. Today's storm is a February storm in fact it's a storm on the Springs side of February; even if a ton of snow falls today they snow will not linger,there is just too much daylight and the temperature has been so warm the ground itself is too warm for the snow to loiter. It's 2 o'clock so we have time to run across the street get the items I need and get back and do some push-ups if I have to start pushing the crank on my arm bike. Today at the coffee group I asked some of the other residents how serious this upcoming event is. They,of course, assured me I had nothing to fear, but I have found when dealing with bureaucracies (of any type) to plan for the worn and be surprised when I get the best outcome.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Life Is Hard

I believe somewhere in my thousand plus posts to this blog that I spoken about the fact that Utah transit Authority has only two stations for people in wheelchairs. This is not such a big issue when I first began writing the authority but as word got out of course more and more folks are using the system. I'm not even just talking about wheelchair folk, I'm also talking about mothers pushing baby buggies, seniors driving carts that think the wheelchair stations are an ideal place to sit with their carts and drivers who refuse or don't even know policy regarding what is or is not allowed in the wheelchair stations. Anyway this post is only slightly about this issue. Twice this week I've had to disembark the bus when trying to load because once I was on board there was a person in power chair already secured in one of the wheelchair stations. These are folks and big chairs like mine. There is no room available to execute a 225° turn. I have cars first tried to execute such an maneuver and realized that was not possible forcing me again to you board the bus and coming backwards just not a problem for me I can backup pretty good. It's just a pain in the butt when it could've been eased by the bus operator letting me know that there was a power chair on board already and perhaps coming on backwards would be ideal to coming in forward. I know this is just one more item to pile on a driver and may not be fair but the time saved for the driver as well as reduction stress for the passenger I think would be worth the driver's efforts. Yesterday, I boarded the bus the re-boarded the bus and found myself sitting next to a quadriplegic in a major power chair.. I cannot find the make with the chairs huge and so is the user. Is a quiet type, fairly involved T drive iin the chair has the ability to recline and I think elevate it's a pretty elaborate system of like to know what the speed is but I don't dare speak with the driver of the chair irradiates hostility – – that could be me as well. The chair operator is Hispanic and I'll bet an inactive gang member – – that's very cheap of me to conclude just from ethnicity and spinal cord injury… But I bet I'm right. Twice now I have sat next to this person while boarding 217 northbound.I would very much like to know this guy find out more of his history. I have no good reason to know this history aside from salacious curiosity. I also like to know how long he has been disabled,, of course the etiology would be fascinating,, but most importantly how he is doing not only in emotional status but in physical status, how does he do is attendant care, houses skin, where is he going school? Work?. Where does he live? Does he live by himself, with family, who provides his assistance which is kind of redundant something I have already asked. Just a ton of questions. I hesitate just because I don't think I would want someone else prying into my life on public transit with the ghoul inside of mewould really like to know.. I actually took an image with my cell phone playing like I was doing a selfi. Boy, I bet he'd be pissed off if he knew I ripped his image.. Oh well life is hard..

Monday, February 20, 2017

Monday Blues

Once again I am cycling down and do some sort worried state. I will stop short calling it depression but it certainly could evolve to such an emotional situation. Skin on my bottom is beginning to break down again simply the right cheek where the hip meets the thigh. There's a small area where the skin is so fragile that any bit of abrasion begins to break down. The second skin concept Dianne developed is been so helpful in maintaining this dermal area. This assure struggle with her gone. It is difficult to direct other people were not so involved with the development of this process.. I can direct honey, my current night attendant but sometimes I don't know if they fully understand how to place the tape are media to provide the prophylactic protection needed. If I were braver or responsible I would just go down for however long it would take to heal the wound. So I'm up and it's Monday morning. I'm dressed up had breakfast I need to work on my apartment for the upcoming inspection. Hopefully Mark A might drop by and Gail might be by tomorrow evening to help with sprucing up the apartment. Actually I think the apartment is okay I just need some arrangin and straightening up. The only thing I really need to get done today is to return DVDs I rented yesterday. I do need to push the rickshaw and pump the Saratoga for an hour. I could spend the day laying back in my chair watching cable is always a couple movies on their I can get lost in.

I know kind of pathetic for me to wallow in this self-assessment of how bad is my butt wound but it is the focus that I have right now. I was the intrigued yesterday when I visited Larry to find that he was still battling or just battling some kind of pressure sore on his butt which may be think I'm not the only one with issues. Once again I have to remember how thankful I should be,, and I am, that I just have a small wound, my arms are relatively good I have two of them plus the spasticity my legs still offer me a great deal of support.. I can live independently with minimal supports overall I do pretty good am doing pretty good.

It's working and talked myself out of this malaise I woke up with. I don't know how long is up looked well last that I think I well get through this day


Saturday, February 18, 2017

Radical Gossip


Tenants meeting? I wonder if you if you use ' in 'tenant meeting”. Yesterday was the first tenants meeting which is been held since I moved in. I was not sure what to expect. The tenants meeting finished a week long exercise referred to as tenants appreciation week. A week of root beer floats, some entertainment, and a sponsored lunch by Utah nonprofit agency that private nonprofi who owns this project.

As I said is not been in attendance meeting since I moved in here last October. In my mind I feel like I'm still a new guy that I've just moved in and in point of fact I'm getting close to a happy year here and there should probably been attendance meeting somewhere along the line. At the meeting they announced formally that Friday next week will be the apartment expections. I have heard rumblings the last couple weeks that an inspection was coming. I did not really pursue what the inspections meant or who they were by I figured they would come one way or the other. Now I knew Utah nonprofit will be inspecting each property in each unit in each property which of course means me. I of course then realized the reason there was a tense meeting was for management to officially give notice. Somewhere in some H U D manual there is a paragraph which states there will be a unit inspection once a year….and each one of these events,, I'm sure, is part of the whole process of this inspection. But a tenants meeting is still tenants meeting and tenants will be tenants. They will believe they actually have input into their living situation.

What I thought was interesting was that the tenant meeting was actually ran by somebody from the home/corporate office – – after all the private nonprofit is called Utah nonprofit corporation. The corporate rep was a very early middle-aged high-energy lady with blondish – Silverish hair it was definitely in charge of the meeting and is going to have it finished by 5 o'clock. I never got her name and I should know since I'm on the Board of Directors. However, she covered first and foremost the apartment inspections coming up, building security I. E. opening the door for strangers, blocking our wedging doors open and gossip. Actually gossip was brought up by one of the tenants as well as the issue of non-English speaking tenants not understanding fire drills, attendance at meetings or special events and not cleaning out the laundry areas which I assume meant cleaning up lint traps as well as keeping the laundry room tidy.General housekeeping stuff which is to be expected. I was kind of surprised though there was a meanness to the room that I had not expected.

I was glad when the meeting was over I had that same kind really one feels when one is finished with a dental appointment. A guarded relief one is just glad to get away from the spot contention. I made some comments just basic stuff and responded to some of the comments that were made. Not that it mattered but there two other males in the room and one left midway through the meeting the other is actually quasi-paid staff, the resident assistant. The meeting was over and I assume we won't have another for only six months or until something severe comes up like radical gossip..






Friday, February 17, 2017

Interestedly Weird


One of the best parts of being old is being able to look back on your life and see illuminations certain spirits that made your life worthwhile if not valuable. Yesterday I had lunch with my old friend Lori Brock. Lori has been one of those people in my life have been steady. She has always been there.

I first met Lori in the arts. I was the community resource coordinatorfor the local Independent living center. I did not put the project together I don't think. I think it was either Alan Kimball are Larr Orr who have been the recreation administrator for the center or as we reffered to them as Rec Exec., I think they developed the original theater class/or acting class but somehow I got involved being the instructor which brought me into contact with Lori. I believe Lori was employed at the time by Very Special Arts (VSA). We developed the acting class which in turn became the acting company or more specificall the Second West Acting Company. Lori was relentless as acting coach and producer. She truly needed to be part of a real acting company. I saw being part of the acting company as part of my job. I went to the acting classes every Monday night and I tried to learn my parts but it was difficult and I was not dedicated like Lori. Lori Brock was there because she wanted to be there. She loved writing and being an actor. She was there as long as it took as long as she could get people to stay. Lori love being on stage in front of an audience. Lori taught me the real meaning of the term “dedication”. I've always enjoyed being around Lori.

Lori is now working at Salt Lake Community College or SLCC. Lori of course teaches writing and as always I'm impressed. Now that I live just down the street from the community college it makes sense that we are back in contact on a more regular basis. We had coffee yesterday for the second time. The first time I saw a messed up by having a bathroom meltdown. Lori had come in early to have lunch but we were not able to spending time together because of my inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. Yesterday was much better – – she actually came in on a day that she didn't have to work so we can spend as much time together as we like. We spent a couple hours talking about what was happening in our lives. It was fun but kind of weird linking up again this way at this point in our lives where we are both single. Just saying, interestingly weird.


There's a third person in our group and his name is Jerry I've written about them in the past. Jerry is a professional writer, retired from a local newspaper that somebody Lori and I have respected and enjoyed spending time with. We've not had one of our lunches in years. I think we were kind of a funny group if anything I was the stooge to the two professionals. Jerry had been part of the original writers group – – yet been a contract professional brought in to help teach the other folks disabilities writing. Sad as it was Jerry and other professionals were the catalysts that gave the group credibility if not respectability. It did not come up in yesterday's coffee that we should get together with Jerry. Maybe we should.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Happy Birthday Gail!



Today is Gail Borsvolds, that was her name 50 years ago, I'm not sure what her last name is now, birthday. Something I don't think I've told hardly anyone that I've had a crush on her all these years.. Not like a real break my marriage up crash real soft spot for her. In junior high the press was so hot it motivated me to even call her on the phone or try to with the help of various friends. We both lived out in South Boise we rode the same bus home. I believe I even sat next to her a couple times for the right out of the city.

Gail had a huge smile, Mary Tyler Moore smile! She was genuinely happy all the time or so it seemed. I love knowing where her house was in passing that each time I had to go in and out to anywhere and self voicing and would pray that I would see her outside her home. Later in life I was amazed that my father knew her father and I never knew that as an adolescent – – somehow I thought that might be in.


Of course Gail was completely out of my classboth cosmetically and socially. This would've been devastatingly apparent had I not had my accident and gone to high school with her. That's okay it was always a fantasy anyway – – but the social media we linked up after 40 some 7 years. We are still friends even better friends after so many years away and life challenges have worn are sharp edges smooth.. I appreciate her allowing me to be some part of her life. Happy birthday Gail I hope it's all you deserve you deserve everything.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Using My time


My dear sweet aunt is 90+. Aunt E., is my mother's youngest sister and really my only link to the previous generation. I adore my aunt and I believe and hope we have a special relationship. My aunt is tough she is survived numerous bouts with cancer survived her three siblings and her husband and continue to live by yourself supports from caregivers. I don't think she is long for this world not because she is ill or infirm she just tired and lonely and needs to see her husband deceased siblings. Now having said all that her family is having a wingding/ whoopeedoo birthday celebration either this weekend or next. There are some believe that she continues to live for everyone else was preparing his birthday celebration plans to shut locked in mortal coil soon after. I don't know if that's true – – it would not surprise me and this would make a real rock 'em sock 'em post posting to my blog that's not what I want to write about today.

Last week during the good weather I was going to take the bus over to my aunts apartment complex, where the wingding is going to be. I of course was going to visit my aunt at the same time thus killing two birds with one stone – – excuse the irony. I kind of thought my aunt would be delighted to have a visitor. I made the call and advised her I was coming to visit. My aunt was of course worried that I would have problems making the journey on public transit. And I assured her I be okay and that I thought it was important for me to get a basic idea of what the trip would entail before the actual visits for the party. Thinking back I should've recognized the caution if not disagreement in her voice. I hung up the phone return to my work on the computer and a few minutes later she called indicating that I needed to wait until my cousins arrived from out-of-state will get help with my visit/trip. Plainly she did not want a visit and are me to visit.. I don't know like to think it was the prior as opposed to the latter.

Yesterday, was another nice day a beautiful day for public transit so I loaded up and headed out are up to the VA medical center after my Assist , Inc.meeting to visit my friend Larry. I should realize that he would be in the middle of rehab but that did not detour me. I ran to his wife as she exited the elevator on his floor. We visited and Larry joined us after a few minutes. We had about an hour visit during his speech therapy session. Larry is a newlywed so I took my leave following the end of the session. It was during this period that Larry made a lightly veiled request that I visit the next time after his therapies again no problem.


There really was littl sting in Larry's request – – I really should know better. The same with my aunt E. people want to control who and what they see and when they see them. But still in the back of my mind that makes me feel could I construct my time better.