Friday, October 19, 2018

I Can Do This…

(104.4 kg)  

A couple of weeks ago I went to the yearly open house at information fair at UCAT ( Utah Center Assistive Technology). It's a nice opportunity for folks who are heavily involved in one form or another of assistive technology to get together to show the community, but they've got. When I was working. I always make sure my agency had a booth at this open house. In years past when there is much more funding available to everyone they actually offered pretty good food at this event. It was usually nothing more spectacular than pizza, but it was good pizza and you could even call what they offered a meal. For many of the vendors and agency folk like myself we often left our officesin the middle of the afternoon to set up for the event and then just stayed there all evening long. We think it finished till around in a clock or nine and so the refreshments which the agency offered was the only meal we got that evening. I always appreciated whatever they gave us.

I don't know what I was expecting when I went to the open house except to satisfy a promise admitted to my friend Kent that I would stop by. But I was pleased to see a friend of mine who is a service provider and my wheelchair lift mechanic, Justin. Justin owns operation called Mobility Solutions, Inc. they been keeping my van on the road for at least 25 years. To be honest, I did not recognize Justin when I first saw him. You know that feeling you see something or somebody and you know that you should know them, but that's how I felt. It took me a few minutes to realize that the person I was looking at was my buddy Justin. Justin had lost a major amount of weight and I was impressed. I of course made my way over and we had a major discussion where he shared with me that his solution to his weight problem had been the apple cider diet, the same diet, which my dear wife/X, Dianne, I tried to get me to do. I didn't do it, and I should've and I apologize. Obviously, the apple cider diet works. Interestingly, Justin shared the taken him a couple years to achieve the appearance he currently enjoyed. In fact he shared with me that he no longer really use the sour extract of the Apple for a weight issue as much as he just liked how the daily drinking of apple cider vinegar made him feel. He felt he had better digestive capabilities and he just felt better, all the way around. I was sold.

Soon afterwards, I picked up a bottle of apple cider vinegar that has to be this specific vinegar, Bragg apple cider vinegar. The bottle has sat on my table for about a week and a half. I'm home health person, Dana, has noticed as well. Dana has been very influential to me as far as dieting. This last couple of months, maybe year are so. She's been very big into Weight Watchers but now she's watching me to see if I will do anything with the Bragg vinegar program. I been dragging my feet. I don't know why, but this morning when we did the way in. I was up about a kilogram, which is around 2 pounds. That makes 104.4 kg, which is way too much for me. I was recommitted and I want to lose some weight and I'm going to see if Bragg will let me do it. I started this evening. I knocked back 16 ounces water with about a tablespoon of vinegar mixed in. Interesting. Justin does about three shots a day and he says it's really done him well I hope he's right. So today I weighed 104.4 kg. Maybe next Friday. I'll list again but my weight is. Everybody, wish me luck.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Kindred Spirits

Another Thursday! How quickly the weeks revolve and once again, it's Thursday, coffee group, today there is a Medicare awareness event, i.e. lunch at 12. Then it's off to bookclub around two or 3 PM and then home to watch my two regular Thursday night offerings Young Sheldon and The Big Bang Theory. And that's it for my Thursday. Granted, I must squeeze in a bus trip two actually. This will make for fairly busy day.

I actually verbalized an interesting thought. I have had at coffee group today sharing thought like this is kind of unique for me. But this morning on waking, I was pondering the idea of how cool it would be if Nora Ephron was still alive. I would've love to talk her into producing and directing the third film of the You've Got Mail and Sleepless In Seattle movies. Sadly, I don't know if anyone but the Efron sisters could do this, but kind of breaks my heart. But I'd like to see some kind of a mash up of the two movies for each one of the couples, of course, is going to die as they age and then somehow having these two get together to finish out there respective lives. Of course, you can only do this while Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were still alive to give the whole thing true “credibility”. I would've just like the scene. What happened with each of their lives. So, what I'm really talking about could be more than one movie could be to three or four movies depending on how one was to sculpt them.

I think what got me going on this thought process (aside from the thought that I have always got my mind on the two movies by Hanks and Ryan), but an NPR article I listen to. Yesterday was talking about how strong romantic comedies or romcoms were popular these days. So I figured if there is ever a time to do the follow-up to these movies it would be now. Since the two main producers are gone. I don't think it's going to happen, which is kind of heartbreaking, but I just wonder who, if there was anyone, to pick up the mantle and put it on and carry forth with producing a new movie (S).

The best part of the discussion I thought this morning was the thought that men don't go to these kind of movies when you're talking about romcom's. I suggested that maybe they do, and they may even like them even though they say they do not. They are directed these movies by their wives/girlfriends. I think they're more males interested in the romcom, then one would think. Then again, I am, peculiar I know that. I loved Music Man, My Fair Lady, Paint Your Wagon, West Side Story and on and on. I hope, but did not reveal too much about myself this morning. Not that it would make any difference. It was nice to know, however, that I might be with kindred spirits.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Indian Summer

I should be outside doing something. It is officially “Indian Summer”. I've often use the term and I always looked forward to the season of “Indian Summer” but did not realize it was an actual time period. What got me really thinking about it last night, watching the weather. Our weather guy said it was officially Indian summer because we've gone through a freeze. He indicated that Indian summer was that period of time following the first freeze of the season or “the killer freeze”. Today, in a fit of academia are did some research on the Internet and the good old Wikipedia indicated that indeed the time following the first freeze is the Indian summer. Who would've believed?

I believe I stated in an earlier blog how I was getting worried about myself really not doing anything productive. Sitting around my apartment, reading, writing, drawing, and occasionally cleaning and straighten things up. I'm not going to be cliché to the point where I say something weird like “is this all there is.”? But sometimes I begin to feel a little guilty for not doing more with the time that I have. When I get real concerned. I try to remember what it was like when I was married a few years ago living in Murray, Utah on Utahna Street. If I wasn't doing something like working out at the wellness clinic sugarhouse, are going to one of my meetings (which I've continued to do when I am either notified or remember the meetings committee to going to be held). I would just be hanging around the house. If I was lucky to get to my wood shop. I would be making some hooks. Dianne and I would go to doctors appointments, then out to lunch or whatever, but eventually coming back and just hanging out at the house. So kind of really not much different than what's happening now, except what's happening now is that I am alone and perhaps that makes me focus more on the fact that I'm not doing very much.

It's Indian summer and I should be doing more, because the weather is “usable” and I guess I'm feeling guilty for not using the heck out of the atmosphere that is so usable right now before the next step in the weather becomes inclement or cold to the point where I will not want to go out. Yesterday afternoon I went to my bus stop got on the bus and headed south to the regal theater and enjoyed a movie. I must be careful regarding how I spend my resources. Maybe if I had more funds I would do more stuff and go more places – – but that's not true either, because it is truly some great places I can be going, which are for free . I just have to get myself to the event. Perhaps that's where I can make more effort to be doing stuff. This morning I went across the driveway to the senior center. I'm really trying to force myself to use that place every time I get there I just get this side of disgusted. I went to their little shop where they sell donated donated items. I was really looking for some envelopes. I didn't find any envelopes, but I did find some microwavable bowls and I bought them. I now have proof that I went out, socialized, purchased in this part of the community for however long that was. I am enjoying my Indian summer.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Where to Boss??

“Hey boss,” I'm always taken back and a little chagrined when for some reason I do something are him somewhere and the service provider is addressing me. Now I say “hey boss,” or if it's a bus driver. “Hey boss, where to?”. It seems I went for ever not hearing this term of salutation and then all of a sudden it seems I'm being addressed as “Boss” everywhere I go. I immediately feel self-conscious, I know it's just a term, something cool to say, perhaps as a way to address an elder person or maybe it's the socialistic term of addressing someone who has purchased something one way or the other in the case that I'm thinking of twice while riding the bus went on my way to a movie and on the way back. The driver referred to me as “boss”.

Another very good boss, I've been a boss, I don't do the boss thing very well. I was thinking about this today as a matter of fact I still have a letter opener from the days when I used to work at the state of Utah as manager of the Access Utah Network information system on disability questions. It's a pretty neat little letter opener does a great job. If you can keep hold of being. The letter opener was a tchotchke (I'm sure I have spelled tchotchke wrong but it's close is a good a get today), we would give away at information fairs and the like.It was kind of a joke, me being the boss. There are only two of us operators at Access Utah. In fact I was so unprepared to be a boss that I finally got my boss to take away my designation of being a manager. I just have a difficult time telling people what to do. I'm sure if you asked one of my ex-wives or little brother or sister. They would gladly tell you that I have no problem bossing people around at all. However, as always, they would be wrong. I don't do bossing well. I don't manage well that's all I can do to manage myself. I'm doing better, managing my staff. I have noticed of late. I'm sure I can still do a better job, but at least I'm more comfortable telling them what I need done and how to do it. I've realized a number of great lessons about how people want to be told what to do and to let them know if they are doing what you want them to do correctly. It makes sense if I'm paying them to do this service, and they're taking my money to do the service. I still get self-conscious after a certain period of managing however.

I think in another life where I had been giving the opportunity to manage or even instructions as to how to manage I could've done quite well in this area, but that was not to be. It's nice, however, every once in a while when I pay for my bus fare are flash my bus pass the boss looks at me and seriously says, “were you off… Boss?”

Monday, October 15, 2018


Image of me enjoying my new headset
click for video

All in all I am not doing too bad with trying to keep my house in order. Granted, I could be doing a better job, but I am able to keep the chaos at bay. Of course, I don't do this by myself as much as I'd like to think that I could and is much as I tell myself I could but I think I'm past that point in my life. The last time I tried to vacuum. I broke the vacuum cleaner and my brother had to come over and fix the machine by putting another built on the roller. I haven't really tried sense the repair. Carl did such a good job vacuuming. I don't think I've had to, but there are a few things that need to be vacuumed up so soon I will fire up the machine and be careful what I rollover. In that same token, when I wash my clothes every week I hang them up within 24 hours of when I've washed them. It's a small thing, but it helps keep the chaos down.

In the kitchen. I don't think it's necessarily a question of chaos as much as it is surface cleaning. I have limited shelf space, which causes me to put a lot of stuff on what shelving/counters. I do have. It's easy to let this clustering, get out of control and I have to force myself usually in the morning right after rising to try to clean off counterspace, and even wash down the front of the oven/range. Again, something I am having difficulty with – – and I really shouldn't. There's no reason why I cannot wash the floors and especially the kitchen on a regular basis. I have actually been able to mop up a few spells that I've made from the refrigerator to the countertop. Spells that I thought would be wise to take care of quickly like vinegar from the pickled peppers are milk that I've spilled are even blood from meat that is dripped from thawed out prizes from the food bank. The problem is I have not done a good job mopping the floor to the kitchen and I need to get on the job in the bathroom as well.

Sometime in the afternoon yesterday – Sunday – I got a posting from Mark Anthony that if it was okay. He would drop by. Later in the afternoon, which of course is fine with me. Mark has been doing this the last couple weeks. We visit, and while visiting Mark is busy picking things up off the carpet, sweeping the kitchen and reaching things for me that I have not been to reach. Yesterday, he swept the kitchen and actually mopped it. I mean really mopped up with Pine-Sol and everything. I never use Pine-Sol. I'm lucky just to get the mopped wet and on the floor to clean up whatever mess has happened. Mark also looks after my IT needs. It's great that he works information technology during the week. He really knows what he's doing. A couple of months ago I purchased a headset to use with my new computer. Actually, the headset was the backup. Another had said that I had that wasn't working very well with my speech to text, writing software. I realized one evening that there is no place for me to hook new headset into said to have plug-ins and I could not find the receptors on the new CPU. I pretty much wrote off the headset. Mark happened to come across the headset yesterday when Mark was cleaning up my desk area. It wasn't long until market found the correct ports for the headset to plug-in and now I'm dictating better than I ever have before.

I still need to keep searching for someone to replace Cindy my last housekeeper. It's hard to do that when with a little help from Mark Anthony, or whoever is around. I can maintain myself fairly well as well as the apartment. I don't want to get too comfortable with Mark Anthony stopping by once a week picking up and mopping, but I'll certainly enjoy. As long as I can.

Sunday, October 14, 2018


I washed clothes. Yesterday morning as I do, usually every Saturday morning as early as I can. I tried to keep my dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper or in my case, basket badly damaged basket, but that's another blog. One piece of clothing went rogue and less nestled on my backup chair where I had tossed the shirt the night before. I noted as I snatched the long-

sleeved T on the floor with one of my hooks and deposited the offending garment in the basket that may be I should hold off. Maybe, I thought, it was time to throw this piece away. I washed the shirt anyway. My first thought about not washing the shirt was that the shirt is really turning into a rag and if I wash the shirt I would have to dry the shirt and I've noticed lately that it's taking more than the one $.75 cycle to dry my clothes. I know babbling about the cost of a dry cycle makes me sound cheap but it's true, I hate the fact that I cannot purchase smaller segments of time. I have to buy $.75 of time and nothing else, just get my wash entirely dry. The $.75 is one thing but having to wait another 45 minutes to dry is quite another. I'm wandering from my topic sorry. The point of trying to make is, I need to just throw some of my clothes away and get on with living.

This morning as I was hanging yesterday's clothes, I came across the purple T-shirt and a black long-sleeved T but I think by daughter, Bridget gave me a couple Christmases past. I love both shirts, way beyond sense. However, I must confess last couple times I've worn the shirts in public. I felt a bit conscious of how I look. I really am becoming a “rag man”. I look like one of those homeless guys you see downtown who have nothing better to wear the what they are wearing. I love the shirts because they are long and tall's. They go all the way down in the back. I never have to worry about flesh showing. Because the shirts are long-sleeved, I can push them up over my elbows many times. Sadly, even this no longer hides the tattered ends of my sleeves. The purple shirt. I could actually use for rags around the apartment and possibly the black shirt too. Regardless, I need to get them out of my clothing cycle and out of the wash cycle. I hate letting the shirts go. I've had them for over five years I'll bet you and I've always felt warm and righteously covered. I don't even know if I can find a heavy cloth of which these shirts are made. This heavy cotton cloth is truly fabric made from another time. I'm just terrified that like the commercial for “what's in your wallet.” The guy throws is wallet into the bay that as soon as I cut up or throw the shirts away. I'll say to myself, “… Going to regret that.”

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Good Bye Irene

Click for "Come on Ileen, not Irene but close enough

I cannot remember when I first time met Irene here at the apartments.I'm sure our meeting was in the washroom/laundromat. Soft-spoken kind of ethereal, dark complected but extremely nice. Irene was Roman Catholic she did not for a religion on you but it certainly showed in her comments and in her lifestyle. I always take one of my hooks with me when I wash to assist in pushing the buttons on the washing machine as well as pulling the closeout of the washing machine and dryer with it.Irene was fascinated with my hooks and after she can have which of course was no problem with me. When she saw my collection of wooden sticks she was immediately drawn to a heavy duty piece of Oak that I had fashioned into a staff couple years earlier. The staff was heavy and I did not use it much less I had to reach something and nothing else was available. Irene thought it was heavy enough to use as an exercise device. I gave it to the woman without thinking twice hope she's been able to use the staff.

I'm now going on my third year at the apartment complex so that means I knew Irene for these two years. At times Irene can be a little challenging. I always enjoyed time with Irene however even in challenging moments. I saw Irene for the last time a couple weeks ago. I did not visit with her,in fact I may have dodged her so that I would not have to spend time communicating. I found out yesterday Irene had passed away last week and that was the first I heard. That was kind of weird.

I can imagine that Irene was a good girl. I'm sure she always want to catechism every Saturday and had all the rites of passage for young Catholic women that she was heir to, active in the Newman club when she went to University/College and then perfect I like. I likewife for a while. In the short visitations we had I felt there was a dark period Irene had pass-through towards the end of her life. She talked about kids I've never seen but I am sure there were. Soft-spoken, kind Irene was liked enough here at the apartment complex but she was not one of the stellar characters roaming the halls here. I'm sure she was never a cheerleader but was active in the pep club. Irene is one who could be counted on. I'm a little embarrassed because one of the first things I thought of when I heard of her passing was that “how can I get my stick back?”. I'm sure the stick is a goner and that's the way that it should be. But it was a nice stick and I would've enjoyed having to stick around to remember Irene

It's kind of weird, I've been at the apartment complex now going on my third year and in that time maybe two people died in the last quarter/summer three or four people died here at the apartment complex. Perhaps that is the reason Irene's passing has been so passé. Interesting however the way they just leave the card in the foyer of the apartment complex for everyone to sign I guess for the family since Irene I doubt is going to read the card.

Friday, October 12, 2018

And Then Again… Maybe Not

Blog 101218 – – Friday – – computer giveaway

The weeks are going to quickly, it seems the days vanish one into the other is another Friday and I'm looking down the barrel of the weekend which excites me yet frightens me as each day brings me closer to the end.

The storm which has the lingered all week is finally moved out. The temperatures dropped and fall is definitely here. My little tree, the one on the other side of the drive from my apartment, will finally begin turning its leaves in earnest now that the summer has gone its way. There's snow in the mountains now and there is even talk with snow coming to the valley floor in the next storm coming around the first of the week. But today, brisk as it might be, might be a good day for traveling and for me to get out for a little while. The independent living center is having their annual giveaway day. I generally is not participated in this event but maybe today I might drop by. I certainly don't need anything from the A T closet but it is always fun to “window shop”.

The independent living centers like the CREATE operation have become the depository of literally tons of assistive technology (A T). Millions of dollars of equipment that has been abandoned another in the community has come to rest at these places. People die, people get new equipment, and people just really abandon equipment they cannot sell. Ssome programs like CREATE halfheartedly try to get this equipment back into the system. In places like the independent living center, and other like private nonprofits have their “loan closets” where some of the equipment is recycled back into use. But so much comes in that never goes out and just piles up. Now in an effort to create space these agencies are having these giveaways. Power chairs, power beds, manual wheelchairs, cushions and so much other stuff which is just stuff. If I am interested in anything it would be some safety belts for my power chair. I don't need these but it might be fun to have them as backup and they would not take up too much space. I need to visit with Deborah the filler and about my reinclusion with family. I'll take my large tablet and spend some time with the IL folks... that is I feel I have the time after I work out and listen to Science Friday.

I changed my mind. Soon after I'd written the first part of this blog my occupational therapist showed up for a home visit. This is a good thing. Typically, I don't use all my benefits the way I should. And so I'm using my home visits to make my living more ideal. We talked about some ideas and some changes in the possible purchase to make my kitchen more usable and visually more acceptable. My OT is a big guy like me. He shared with me he had recently been diagnosed with type II diabetes. We mourned we talked about the challenges of middle-age, weight gain and the monstrously difficult task of losing the weight once we have bound this unsightly mass. We talk like friends (and we are) but at 60 minutes he was out here after all Casey still on the clock. He gets talked about possibly picking me up my van driving over to his woodshop and making some hooks. I think would be fun but I don't think I will be anything and a client that's okay too I would be using Casey to get back to making hooks so what's the difference.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

By Your Records...

Mother Duby at age 70.

As I reported earlier this summer I've become aware of my biological/natural family. I am trying to downplay this event and having to accept the fact finding my bio-family is a major event, something so huge I still am trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have access to people very much like me.I have not jumped on this new family yet. Quite frankly I don't really know what to do or how to become more involved. I don't know really how to treat this group. Are the folks that I call the help move or more likely are folks that he shared DNA but still are basically strangers and always will be. I don't know.

My “new sister-in-law” Carla is a doll. I mean she is taken on so much responsibility in ferreting out all us brothers and sisters. She has done this single-handedly. When the final birth parent died I understand that Carla went into clear out the house and that is when she found numerous records all the births of all of us kids. Until that time all the children which is been adopted out had no idea of their other family members. Thank goodness mother Duby kept such copious documents. Mother D kept record where every child was born and of course the date, the hospital itself. This information greatly facilitated the operation of finding the kids.

I've been sort of amazed over the years at the fact that I am kind of driven to keep records if nothing else just of myself. I don't consider myself a really good keeper of records but I feel compelled to keep a record. An example of this of course is my blog. I have over 2000 postings. I've always kept a journal of one sort or another. My problem has been keeping a hold the Journal once I've written them. I'm so distressed at how many journals I've lost over the years. I treasure those that I do have. I've also been extremely interested in the past 20 or 30 years at other peoples journals when I can get a hold of them. I believe so strongly in documenting one's life that I've also began “arm-twisting” all that will listen to consider documenting their life. I just think it's so important. Anyway, the past couple of days for one reason or another I've been pondering where I've gotten this trait. And I'm wondering if I shared this trait is my birth mother or vice versa. I am hoping Duby was a journalist and am hoping some of those journals survived. The back of my mind, I know this is too much trouble for but just the same I never figured I would ever find one birth-parent let alone both of them.

Carla lives in the community about an hour away from Salt Lake. Traveling is not that easy for her to my brother, I realized that especially now that winter setting in. Even on the best days when it's cold, and even if the streets are clear, it's hard to travel. I would be happy to meet my family even in Utah County where they live. This would involve me getting on the train and riding to Provo and Santaquin then jumping a bus and meeting the family summer for lunch or dinner or whatever. I would not have a problem with this but they may not knowing really, my abilities. So right now, I plan to take the easy route of and text for this information. I would love to read Duby's journals that they exist.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Internet: A Failed Promise

I get so frustrated with the Internet and particularly the promise of the Internet. I believe so strongly in this device and always, almost always, come away from any real Internet exercise frustrated and disheartened. I have been considering all week writing a post on social media and other pieces found on the Internet which a total mind and time gobblers. I still may end up writing on that particular area which I'm feeling stronger and stronger about as I seem to lose more and more time to the ITG (Internet Time Gobbler. But I'm afraid I will have to wait today I'm writing about the crushed promise.

As always, I had a few minutes this morning, actually I had all morning and really all day so I jumped on the Internet to start my blog entry for the day – – I always believe I'm going to get this task done early and not have to worry the rest of the day. I don't know how came about but I started thinking about an old best friend David Udy, with whom I went to junior high school. Udy Is a member of my Karass(For more information consult Kurt Vonnegut's Cats Cradle ) That mythical grouping of like psychic people. I don't know how comfortable I feel that off-the-cuff definition but will have to work for now. For one reason or another I always keep coming back to Dave… That is when I can find him.

That's how I start a lost day. In the old days the Internet was pure and actually fairly healthy to be involved with. There were a number of search engines where you can actually put in someone's name and get an address or phone number right off the bat or worst case you go through the Internet phone directory and pull up a number or address that way. But as the Internet grew and more and more things became monetized real assistance from the Internet became a joke. If one had the desire to spend money that perhaps you could find the information needed but unless one committed financially the Internet was just a barrage of information vanishing as one got close to the destination. I always sucker with the hope that today I will get lucky. I jump from one website to another thinking I'll get some form of contact information but am always blocked until I get frustrated to the point that I quit my search. My friend David Udy is an incredible person – – as always been such a developer of souls. I will devote one whole post possibly more to this person someday. David is a schemer, use a PhD psychologist some of the truly believes in the person. I always wish I knew this person better. I knew David for only a short window of time, the three years junior high, of course after my accident I lost contact with that whole crew in many cases decades if not forever. It seems I have to work so hard to maintain these relationships.

I started this project this morning about 9 o'clock and by 12 I realized I was not going to call David today. However, I did find an address, street address! I have stamps, I have paper a the Postcards. All relics of a day gone by in which I still highly believe. I love the written word, I love to write and I have the patience to see if David will respond one way or the other. I don't know why I continue this one-sided venture but something in me, perhaps my Karass compels me to try to keep this relationship verdant and healthy. I am a selfish duck wishing to keep my friends close regardless of the cost.

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

Taking Care Of Business…

I wish I had better image of me sitting next to the van reading. I don't, this is the best I can do.
Click for video

It's Tuesday and finally were having a meeting at Assist, Inc., is supposed to be a weekly meeting but it seems we've hardly had any meetings last summer and early fall. I don't remember going so long a time between meetings. I know is directly related to funding but still quite frustrating from the standpoint that I am sure there are large populations of folks who can use the services our program provides and when were not meeting I guess the funding is not there. This means roofs aren't being patched, storm windows being replaced and water heaters not being installed and most of all I'm not having a place to go. Let's be honest here I really need my weekly Assist, Inc. meeting to be validated as a person's of value/merit in the community.

I have never been more surprised than the last two years as I tried to literally find things to do with the community to give back. I wish I could say that I was altruistic and I was out in the community trying to benefit my fellow man when in fact I'm trying to benefit good old Mark Smith. It's hard doing and doing good should not be so hard. I have to admit there are days, more days then I would like to admit, that I am mildly excited at the prospect of having to do nothing. I mean it's not like I'm doing nothing it seems like I have something to do all the time even if it's puzzles, my one game on the computer and movies I can pull off the Internet or “stream” as that term is. I sometimes feel like the quote from Chicago's Taking Care Of Business “I love to work at nothing all day”. In fact is getting easier to do this everyday… Work at nothing. I think I've written in the past about how on Monday mornings Dana, my home health staff asks me what I did over the weekend or when I venture down to get my mail and run into other people from the apartment complex and these folks will ask me what I've been up to and more often than not I have to reply “nothing”. Not only is this a small humiliation and minor producer of guilt I also get a little worried that I'm not doing enough at whatever I'm supposed to be doing which I'm sure is, not nothing… That make sense?

I do two things everyday, more or less, I do my blog and most days I told my arm bike. When I'm very lucky I have an event of one sort or another. Today it's Assist and Thursday its coffee in the morning and then bookclub in the afternoon. And some of these days I go to the market, I'm going to the market less now, just trying to conserve money and not spend just to spend. Even if I do shop I find myself gravitating to the computer to shop online even for groceries. In many cases is not only cheaper to shop online but much more convenient having someone drop my order, and off at the door to my apartment.

But sometimes it frightened finding myself dozing off sitting next to my white van pretending to read in the afternoon sun and totally enjoying the heat and the quiet of late fall afternoon and hoping no one will see me working hard at doing nothing all day.

Monday, October 08, 2018

Stop Me If I Have Said This Before...

One of my major fears is that I will become redundant writing this blog. So, when I have an idea that I feel like documented before one where the other I will spend a few minutes searching the blog looking for references for actual blog entries I may have written before. I so do not want to be one of those old grandpa/fuddy-duddies that does nothing but repeat themselves.  I have just finished doing such a search and I am stricken with mourning the loss of literal years of my posts to my blog. I usually just “slap myself” and tell myself to get on with it but I'm having a problem getting past this acknowledgment today.

I wish I could, with certainty, document when I started this blog. I know it was well before the turn of the century because I was working with the State and I know we're in the old building on 500 E. and 300 S.. The reason I know that I was blogging than because of that's when I learned about blogs and people who were blocking. I started working for the state of Utah when I took over Access Utah Network in August 1998. I never had as much access to the Internet as I did with this position. I had time between phone calls to search the Internet pretty much for anything that I wanted.  

I've always kept a journal or “log” if you will. Sometimes more religiously than others but I've always tried to keep a document of my life. I've lost so many journals over the years. I grieve for all of them as part of my life lost. I really do believe the Mormon saying “by your records you shall be known”. In one of my positions/jobs early on I worked at a Deseret Industries. I worked in a small office the back end of the operation I called in the “batting cage”. Among other things part of my position included assigning trucks to go out and pick things up for the Industries as well as other assignments. Early on the day I had 10 to 15 minutes I had felt and I started using my time to type a log of my work life and daily life. From then on every job I had I would use the first half hour to one hour of the day (much of this time, I saw was lost, when staff would just wander around visit/gossip about what was going on in the office that day or what it happened the night before. Rather than wasting time this way I chose to waste my time keeping a journal. I was so pleased when at the Independent living center I finally have access to a computer that I could keep my log on my system. I do see my problem however is that if you lose your computer and later your Internet presence that you've lost your whole journal. As I said when I went to work with the State I started keeping an online journal, log on more specifically blog. This is when I started my practice of writing at least 500 words a day in an effort to keep my integrity as a “writer”

I'm surprised because a couple of my searches rendered losses of posts I did not realize I had lost. First I was bummed out but the more I considered the fact that a number of my posts have disappeared that I'll be able to write new posts. Now, I only worry that the posts I do write will not be as articulate, endearing are enjoyable as my previous posts which have been lost. I also need to figure way to backup my previous posts before anything else happens i.e. the complete and utter destruction of the Internet.

Sunday, October 07, 2018

Sunday Night Pizza

My apartment smells funky. Last week at the food bank I got a pizza shell package, two thin crust pizza crusts, the crusts are made from sprouted wheat kernels whatever that means. I'm sure it someplace between New Age and organic food that obviously won't sell (because this is the second time I got this handout from the food bank). It's hard to wrap my head around the idea of whole wheat pizza crusts I'm sure they are okay or Trader Joe's would not sell them. And perhaps that's part of the irony here that obviously the crusts aren't selling and that's why the pizza crusts are at the food bank.

The cold front funding through and the temperature is not super cold out but today was overcast and kind of chilly. The package of pizza crusts have been nagging at me for the last two weeks. I finally threw the last package of crests away two weeks ago probably the same week that I got these that I use today. Another one of my guilty pleasures is hamburger homemade pizza. My mom used to make hamburger homemade pizza almost every Friday or Saturday night. She made the pizza square cookie sheets and the pizza was great. It was never fancy pepperoni's or Canadian bacon just good old hamburger. I figured today was a good day to stay in and make some pizza and use up one of pounds of hamburger I recently acquired from the food bank. The only drawback was I had really have any cheese. The closest thing I have in the apartment is two bricks of that “cheese” product, that stuff like Velveeta cheese stuff. So after my son Mark Anthony left this afternoon I combined into my legs put in my side cushion and went across the street and got some shredded mozzarella can of chopped olives and even masterpieces. The vegetables I got from Amy earlier in the week and the pasta sauce from the food bank I said.

I have is a pound of food bank hamburger out. It looked okay more or less but smelled a little funny which I sort of hoped would maybe would cookout. I should just run the meat out I have a problem this way. I went ahead and cooked the meat. Me smelled a little but not too bad. It tasted quirky but not bad as I've tasted bad before. I chopped up the onions green pepper and I opened up the pizza crusts and put one on my pizza sheet. I dressed the pizza crest: tomato sauce (as liberal as I dared), almost the entire stack of mozzarella cheese, green pepper, chopped onion mushroom pieces and chopped. The ingredients added quite a bit of weight to the overall pizza. I was challenged not only gave the pizza pie in the oven later getting the pizza out.I was really hoping the smell would cookout. The pizza kind of of did block the smell at first but then the funky odor came back after I and a couple pieces. It tasted okay basically but needed more spices. I'm debating whether to keep the rest of the meat. I doubt I will keep the other pizza crust and I will try to jump down the rest of the pizza I made today. However, I plan not to use that week pizza crust again. In the next me I can't from food bank at least it skeptical of its going out to the dumpster. My stomach feels a little curious but the demo can tell tomorrow and Dana comesfor my morning routine.

Saturday, October 06, 2018

Work!! Is

One of my favorite people in this world is Amy. In short Amy is a benefit specialist type of person. She knows 1 million things to help a person be more independent. She works primarily with people who are developmentally disabled and I used to have the office next to hers when I was employed by the state of Utah. We shared a lot since I was an information specialist as she was to to a certain degree. Anyway you will remember that she brought me a couple of bags of vegetables earlier this week.

Amy is a real straight shooter she lets her know what you think specially if she feels if what she's thinking will assist you. We talked about a lot of stuff but she was here. It will be specially talk about stuff that might help me like if I were to figure out a way to make some money or I came into some money how could I manage that money so the rest of my benefits are not affected negatively. The financial dance is very complicated and you really got I have a good teacher to teach in the steps and lucky for me Amy is one of the best. Of course, the best way to increase one's income, legally is to earn more money which means most typically getting a job. I considered this issue quite a bit the last couple months since my but seems to gotten so much better and I'm tolerating being left much better than I was. The major problem I have is that if I earn more income than I must report that to the folks here at the apartment complex and this will have an impact on the amount of rent I pay. This is only right and make sense but seems kind of frustrating. Any was quick to share with me a program it to which allows me to place the money into certain accounts which then I used to live… Like a special account for hiring my home health professionals. I really don't want to earn a lot of extra money. In fact if you will remember earlier posts about trying to get “hired” at the theater down the street. Once employed I would be able to go to as many movies as I would like as well to get discounts on popcorn, drinks and of course theater candy! I wouldn't care how much I earned and would be more than happy to trade time worked for theater tickets. But that was really interesting was that Amy went on and on about there's more to work than just what I get paid. She was talking about the importance and value of having a place to go, a place to be a validation for doing something. Now I find about this myself a lot recently but it was just good to hear it from Amy. I really think he knows what she's talking about.

I don't know how seriously I'm going to pursue the movie connection. I would really like to participate in that but the local theater seems to make it such a hard goal to obtain. I just want a few hours, perhaps enough extra attendant care to feel a bit more secure. These are not great things but for all the things that Amy talked about important things to me.

Friday, October 05, 2018

Organically Yours

Last summer I got this great vacuum cleaner from this old cleaning shop across the street from my apartment complex. The place sold all kinds of cleaning supplies and items for vacuum cleaners. I don't remember the name of the place. In fact the place is no longer there. I had dropped in to see about getting some cleaning supplies for my apartment. When I went and to the store for the first time I was met by a female maybe just a little bit younger than me. She was one of the owners of the operation. She desperately outplace. She looked like a cross between the LDS really society president and a soccer mom. In fact she was just things. I found that her husband had some sort of progressive debilitating disease process. Her husband usually ran this part of the operation. However, his disability had worsened and now he was either at the hospital are in bed at home. The soccer mom was now running the operation. She looked bewildered, exhausted and confused.

A couple of weeks following my initial meeting with a lady I had returned because the vacuum cleaner that came with the divorce stopped operating. The machine's motor| still worked the| brush bar would no longer spin, the brush bar is that piece in the front of vacuum which beats the right and told the dirt into the dirt bag. The vacuum shop is in the same strip mall as it supermarket I use. So I dropped in to the vacuum shop one morning I was shopping to ask about possible problems with my vacuum.. In short the lady offered me a vacuum cleaner they had overhauled but it never returned to pick up. She sold me the machine for $25 it was a deal. We also talked about her husband and his progressive disability. I gave her some insights and some options to call and I figured all is good.

I noticed this summer the lady in the cleaning supply shop were no longer there. I'm sure the lady had had enough. She was not about to be a shopkeeper. I'm sure she was overwhelmed with her husband I sure hope they did okay one where the other. My cleaning lady couldn't make it yesterday. I decided I would vacuum this morning and really start cleaning up the place… I don't need no cleaning lady. Halfway through my vacuum of my bedroom I accidentallysucked up part of my cool weather vest, I got to pull string wrapped up in the brush far and did the vacuum cleaner turned off quick enough and I burned small elastic bands which connects the brush bar to the motor.

I called my brother to let him know I needed his help. Of course, the game over this evening and we had a great visit. He checked out my vacuum cleaner and found a broken belt. II was hoping the polygamist hardware store, across the street, would have what I needed. And of course the hardware store had a gazillion belts but none the right size for me. He's going to a vacuum cleaner shop tomorrow.I'm looking forward to a working vacuum cleaning up my unit.

I was so pleased with myself today, I started using the produce that any dropped off yesterday afternoon. I love the organic-ness of things grown in the garden, no sharp edges here anywhere. I really got into taking images of a particularly shapely red pepper. I used to cover tonight when I cook my steak (which I got last week at the food bank) what a treat. Now I patiently wait for my brother to return.

Thursday, October 04, 2018

Fresh Cukes, Tomatoes and Egg Plants Life is Good for him and

I've been kind of tired all day which is not surprising since I got up fairly early this morning. Once again I started waking up around 3:30 AM and finally drag out around 6:30 AM. I didn't sleep well because my cleaning person was coming today. I think I was kind of freaked out because my cleaning person now is the same person who is by home health person. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me but it kind of is to the point where I'm losing sleep over the concept. I think I'm worried that she will not do a good job and I'll have to be all managerial. Even if that were the case (which I think it will not be) I would manage and that would be it.

Get this. When I finally did get up I actually started cleaning up the apartment so my thinking person would not have to do as much. I should have checked as soon as I got up I had a feeling. I checked messages when I turned on NPR soon after I did get up and found a message from my home health person that she is not going to be able to clean today. The message was sent about 5 AM. It seems I heard something at that point but did not put together the idea that it was a message (modern technology is lost on me). I was relieved and kind of crestfallen at the same time. I really kind of wanted my apartment to look nice.

Around lunchtime to hear a knock on my door and it's one of my best ex-work friends, Amy. Amy's great and Amy is quite the gardener. I know this from years past. I've been on Amy's case for the past three weeks to get some of her incredible tomatoes. Well anything through today with a bag of not only tomatoes but cucumbers, paddy squashes, eggplants!, And a few other items I cannot remember right now. Have to admit I was a bit embarrassed at how I felt the apartment looked but Amy indicated the apartment looks pretty good. I forced myself to believe Amy and got me thinking I'm going to work on the apartment myself and get the apartment passable, at least by my standards, and then if I get the benefits of a cleaning person that is good if not I'll continue to limp around and ask Mark Anthony to help me pick up the place a little but it really becomes necessary.

I worked on the apartment all afternoon well part of the afternoon, I worked out as usual and then jumped the bus and went down to the library for Next Chapter. I wanted more than kitchen and I had add the time. I'm kind of excited because I'll have this great project to do all weekend long working on my living space. This should be an ideal weekend for such a project. Supposed to rain with a cold front moving in tomorrow. I don't have any reason to leave the apartments this weekend. I'm looking forward to cleaning, reading and maybe a little bit of writing... How lucky am I?.

Wednesday, October 03, 2018

Glory Days

Glory Days

I spent a good part of my career as manager for Access Utah Network Utah only information I dedicated to answering questions about disability. I kind of loved that job. I hated leaving the position that is why I was so disturbed this afternoon while attending an open house at UCAT that when talking to someone in trying to tell them what I did for the state could not remember the name of my organization. This did not frightening as much as not remembering the name of Access Utah Network frustrated me. It made me wonder if my job/position had been so inconsequential that even I can no longer remember the name of the organization. Actually the mind cramp did not bother me that much what did bother me was not been associated with all the good people that I worked with over the three decades that I've been here in Utah. There was a bunch of wheelchair vans on display by three different organizations/companies which either represented or built accessible vehicles. I used to work closely with all these companies only one of the folks selling wheelchair accessible vans remembered me. Like I said though that's okay those were part of my glory days!

I thought about blowing the open house off. I did not even remember the open house and tell I was asked if going last week when I was at CREATE getting my power chair adjusted. I said that I was and today I went. I was hoping there'd be some kind of a lunch. In the past they've had pizza, barbecue and cold cuts. However, funding cutbacks continue to play state programs and feeding the public always goes first. By the time I got to what was available the pickings are slim, warm pieces of cheese, limp vegetables and bottled water. I passed. Maybe I'll get lucky and find something on the way home.

There was of course a mandatory “floor show”. Various employees of different agencies working in the building gave presentations of what they did with their particular organization. I was mildly interested mostly so for the presentation of Brian. I cannot say Brian is a friend of mine, I barely know him even though he seems to always been at the UCAT facility. Brian is a major quadriplegic. I'm surprised the guy's still alive. I know you got some major traumas the past couple years one specifically being a pressure sore which is refused to heal however he looked pretty good today. Brian gave a presentation on his life as a person with a disability. Brian like myself incurred his disability as an adolescent. Brian did his University work graduating as an electrical engineer. I was impressed. Honestly, I've never really tried to communicate with this man because his disability overwhelmed me. I just didn't know how to communicate with Brian. I still don't and I doubt that I will try very hard but I will give him high marks for the most interesting presentation of the day.

Tuesday, October 02, 2018

Blustery Day

Chaffee Hall

The storm is almost here the low-pressure front is certainly taken its time all day to get here. I was afraid that I was going to get caught traveling back and forth to my meeting but when I called I was informed that, once again, my Assist meeting had been canceled. To be honest I was kind of glad because is much as I like my volunteer position with this “coffee group”I didn't really want to be out in the elements if I did not have to be.

I looked out my window and the wind was blowing the trees seem to dance in rhythm to the gusts. Had the day been later in the season this wind will be hard at work pulling beautifully colored leaves off trees then parading hosts of leaves down sidewalks and across park will will lawns. The morning clouds which covered the sky looked menacing and a bit foreboding . I got the impression they wanted me to stay in bed and blow off the day. I slipped into a daydream and traveled back in time 40 years or so to the early 70s in a dorm room in Chaffee Hall on the campus of what State University. I can tell by the rain bouncing off my window that the day was going to be wet and cold. Tuesday's where my math and science days – – actually lab days. Anatomy and physiology and biology and of course Math(I have met every day that semester). Had the day been a Monday Wednesday and Friday I would be in lectures in the old science building. I had a spot next to the pipes going to the second floor perfect place to cat nap during long, dry lectures. Other days when I chose to blow off class entirely I would wander over to the second floor of the library where I had discovered record players with headphone jacks and the music library for the music department – – of course all students to check out the vinyl and listen. I spent whole Saturday and Sunday rainy afternoons lost in music on the second floor. I did not know it then, one never knows it then but these would be some of the best days of my life.

I've been trying to eat more salads which means I have to have ingredients to make salads. At the food bank on Saturday I got a head of lettuce as well as a bag of romaine lettuce. I need tomatoes and cucumbers at least to make a decent salad. I'm not necessarily trying to be healthy (although that's not a bad thing) by I am trying to lose weight and I hope salads will help. I thought about jumping the bus going down to Walmart just because the local market has produce a little expensive and I'm not too excited about its quality but I was not intrigued with the idea of busing down a couple blocks for produce so I elected to take off and head over to fresh market just down the street. I was shocked when I burst outside and found that although the outside was overcast and windy the day was not cool but actually kind of hot I was surprised.

I got what I needed and headed back to the apartments. I spent the rest of the afternoon working on puzzles and reading. I feel guilty for having lost a day where I could have been a bit more productive. Many times, too many times, while at Chaffee Hall I did just that, sleep away a rainy afternoon when I should've been studying and preparing. I felt I had all the time in the world. Now I do not dare waste this gift I have of life. Rain clouds are no clouds I intend to use every day is much as I can because I really since my days are numbered.

Monday, October 01, 2018

Yo Yo Me

Do you ever feel like a yo-yo? I'm beginning to feel a little bit like one and I'm not sure quite what to do. I'm acting like it is a dilemma but I do not even know if it is a dilemma are not yet. Today, Monday, is Monday for home health. My person shows up as usual which is great. And early on she informed me that she probably will not be able to do the housekeeping we talked about last week. Inadvertently, she filled her calendar with job commitments to her agency – – this is good I'm glad, totally glad she is getting the hours she needs. I don't know if I'm reading the situation will but I almost got the feeling that perhaps she rethought the offer to clean my apartment. Honestly, I'm a little relieved because I wasn't sure if this new work concept between us the damage our relationship. I don't think the work arrangement would be that detrimental but who knows?

We did talk a little bit however about other options if she can manage some time. Maybe I don't need two hours a session. I suggested perhaps we can do just one hour once a week and see how that might work. She seemed to respond fairly positively saying that I have a small unit in that she did work pretty fast. I agreed and felt an intense 60 minutes cleaning regimen might be all I need to keep the apartment fairly respectable from one week to the next. This of course led to the next question now, with the offering to do the one hour option to hold me over until I could find another cleaning person. I'm sure we'll visit more on this dilemma on Wednesday when she comes.

I have to admit I'm getting a little bit nervous because I had such good luck so far with cleaning folks. Actually I've never had a problem with my cleaning people. I have not had that many but we seem to get along fine and I do more than pleased with the work they been able to produce. I need something however, I have grown addicted to having a clean apartment. I really do think better when I have someone clean up after me. As I said I have become kind of kind of spoiled. The people I've have content by people I like, people I trust would not take advantage of me or my belongings. I have heard horror stories from other folks who have apartment clean from hell and I do not need that. So I'm going to keep my ear to the ground maybe even get a couple of players in the bullpen who I can call up if need be. I might even fall back on the old go to a calling the local bishop or the relief Society president to see if they might know someone in the Ward could earn a couple bucks. It's not like I want to put the kid through college I just need some floors mopped, things put away and sheets changed every couple of weeks. But really – – I really hope my home health person will do the job. I really trust your

Sunday, September 30, 2018


I woke rather late this morning almost 7 AM! That's great actually the first time this week or last week now that I actually got enough sleep that I didn't feel groggy when I woke. But I was surprised to see that the sky was overcast. There were clouds. Dense clouds the kind of clouds which promise moisture. I laid there in bed sometime , I can do that on Sunday mornings. I have no meetings nor do I have staff coming in to help me do my program. I thought about waking up to clouds and how much I missed files the last couple of months. I hope it rains soon.

The clouds reminded me of Gloria, a friend of mine, a fellow employee when I worked at Salt Lake United Way 211. Gloria was the same pod as me. Gloria was a graduate student I believe from school social work. She was kind of mysterious but very friendly to me which I appreciated. Gloria was smart, you could tell she was smart in that way you can tell a person smart buy just the way they conduct themselves. Gloria loved the rain she love storms, Gloria loved stormy nights with great winds and monstrous lightning flashes the bigger the better. While I worked at 211 we never had enough storms to satisfy Gloria. So now anytime there's the possibility of stormy weather I think of Gloria.

Gloria is very Hispanic, she of course is one of the English/Spanish speaking operators on the 211 staff. I have never asked Gloria about her politics but I'm convinced that Gloria is a Marxist is not she should be. What little bit I understand of Marxism I doubt that I am a very good representative. I do however worked very hard to make sure the minorities and low-income get a fair shake. More than once that I have knockdown drag out discussions with callers on the phones at 211 sticking up for the lower classes. I got in trouble more than once instructing folks who had called in with problems either with their rent or with medical issues or in some cases disability issues since I was the “disability guide” on staff. Gloria, was in the cubicle directly on the other side of mine and she often heard my conversations. Gloria always encouraged me forward. Gloria is totally down to earth, she does not wear fatigues but she does choose to wear the uniform of the student, lots of flannel and denim, flip-flops for summer and old Converse All-Stars during the cold weather. Gloria has had her Masters degree sometime now her wardrobe might be different now. However, earlier this summer I had lunch with my old staff from 211 and the girl looked laid back as ever. There were three or four staff at 211 I really enjoyed while I worked there.

There's a building in downtown Salt Lake that has a giant image of the Madonna. It's a beautiful rendition was even more remarkable is that I think it looks exactly like Gloria from 211. I really thought she could have been the model and I asked her as much. Gloria just blushed and said no it was not her then laughed at me and punched me in the arm as Gloria does. I still think she's the secret model for the Salt Lake Madonna and if she's not she should be.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Saturday Today

I'm tired tonight almost to the point of not doing the blog but I've got to do the blog. I almost posted this morning soon after I had gotten up and was getting into my day however I felt compelled to get my washing into the laundry, then it was breakfast. I made garbrock today, my semi famous recipe which by any other name would be corned beef hash but I have the twists of broccoli, onions and celery and of course garlic in the mix. This is such a pitiful breakfast/dish but I love it. I must eat my garboc sparingly I'm sure the dish is loaded with calories. Potatoes and canned meat what could be more lethal weight wise? By the time I finished breakfast, running the wash through the dryer twice and then doing my time on my arm bike working out 30 minutes one thing led to the other and now in force myself to write this post essentially of my days events.

I don't know why but I'm not sleeping very well actually I sleep okay once I get to bed but then I'm waking up during the night. Many times in the dead of night and I have to use the restroom and even after, if I'm fortunate, get back to sleep I awake again well before 6 AM the time I get up if I can't sleep. If I go to bed early than them up very early. So I try to get to bed by 11 PM which generally wakes me up around 3 AM to 3:30 AM which I doze until six when I allow myself to rise and get on with my day. The major problem with this is that I'm in that “fog” sleep and in the evening. I find it difficult to be creative at this evening hour.

I almost went to the movies this afternoon. I cranked my bike very early so I knew I had the time to get in a matinee but when I checked was playing I was totally bummed with the possibility of one Marvel of offering there is absolutely nothing playing at the Regal where I go for my movies. I'm spending too much time doing cryptograms. I like to believe that I'm being productive and providing a good workout for my brain but I think I'm just passing time which kind of spooks me. I'm even playing the one and only video game more than I should. If I were in adolescent I would expect my parents to be yelling at me for wasting my time on cryptograms. I suppose the most productive thing I've done today besides my laundry was going over to food bank and getting my weekly ration. I just love this exercise. The ladies love me. Today I not only got frozen lasagna I also got another high-end steak. Distinctive courses frozen I threw it in the freezer but now I have two really nice cuts of meat that I would never purchase even when I'm flush. I thawed out the split chicken breast I got last week from the food bank. I'm going to use the fried breasts to cut up into smaller pieces for Frank. I cannot believe how much food I've gotten from food bank. I still think I get a lot of crap, caloric crap but the protein against as well as qualify fresh vegetables/fruits I cannot not visit the food bank every Saturday.

The winds picked up today as a cold front moves through, no rain but wind and clouds, temperature and high 80s with the promise of change. Supposedly will get rain by the middle or end of next week. I heard from either family today. I'm meeting my older brother and a half sib for lunch on Thursday… It's supposed to rain.

Friday, September 28, 2018

Throwing Stones

One of my favorite scriptures from the Bible is “he that is without sin let him cast the first stone” this is a fairly accurate quotation from John chapter 8 v 7. I like the verse because it captures everyone at one point or another in their lives. I had to reflect back on the Scripture yesterday and hold my tongue as I rolled into the library and saw Jason at the checkout counter going over his weekly cache of DVDs. Seeing Jason at the checkout counter was not a surprise what was was seen Kelli , his staff, Jason's DEAD standing right behind him! I was surprised and not surprised at the same time. Granted, I totally bought Jason's story last week but the at the same time seeing a very much alive Kelli did not really surprised me either. I was glad to see Kelli and commented on healthy appearance for a dead person. I told her what had happened and she pretty much laughed it off. I don't think she really believed me it was only after Rikki on the other office staff recounted the same story did Kellie begin to believe our stories. Kelli actually kind of supported Jason as the prankster he must be by reminding us that she had indicated two weeks before that she would not be at last week's reading. And then I remembered that was true.

I was kind of surprised that I was not more upset with Jason. Even if I have not been reminded that Kelli was not going to be at last week's meeting. Jason is kind of had a hard time integrating with this group and I am pleased with how well he seems to have taken to reading. I think Jason's reading increased reading ability has been one of the most pronounced of the groups.

Some 50 years ago I was an adolescent with a spinal cord injury, a new spinal cord injury, trying to live and integrate back into my community. It was bad enough being a teenager, a teenager without a job, a teenager who was quadriplegic living in a rural community. I did not have a way to earn money therefore any money that I did have I got from parents. It was during this era of my life that I came across the idea to send a letter to each of my siblings who were older than I of which they were four who I felt could send me some money. I fabricated a great story (easily seen through by my siblings) about having cancer. I wrote the letter as if my parents had written the letter asking that anything they could spare be sent to me directly. Of course, first thing that the older sisters did was contact the folks and the story. I think one sister sent the dollar to help me with my life as a fiction writer. Nothing really happens to me following this incident except that I was more than a little embarrassed of my charade. Really did make me kind of a jerk. But maybe that's what I thought about Jason. I don't know why Jason fabricated the story but he did and yes, the kind of makes him a jerk. But who am I to throw stones?

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Every Body Must Get Stoned

It took me forever to realize that the name of this song was Rainy Day Woman and not Everyone Must Get Stoned. Bob Dylan is not one of my super favorite writers/performers, but he certainly up there at the top. Bob is one of my favorite links to the past the glorious music of the 60s. When I think of rainy Day women I think of somebody out there having to work their butts off just to get by, All the girls/women out there are working hard for their money.

I kind of feel like I'm getting on top of my finances a little bit following this summer's financial hemorrhaging. The rejuvenation of the wheelchair van, paying off the emergency dental I had done last year and a couple of surprise payouts I had to cope with. I did run up by credit card debt a little bit, right now, I'm okay with where my credit card debt is at I just need to bring it in under control, like everyone else. The apartments okay it's not at 1 yet as far as entropy goes I'm feeling I need to get my clean person back online and put some attention to the apartment. It's been nearly a month since she was last at my place and I was about ready to call and schedule an appointment for her to drop by when I received a text message from her. I figured she was going to tell me what days should be available next week for her to drop by for a couple hours and imagine my surprise when she told me she was going to have to quit being my cleaning person. I knew she is p plagued with health and many times she is having cancel a cleaning date because of a flareup with her fibromyalgia/Crohn's disease. However, because of some stressful issues happening in her life causing her disability flareup she could no longer meet my needs.

Needless to say this is going to cost me stress but not very much. I'm just going to have to take minute and ask around and see what I can find. I kind of put the idea on the “back burner” and was living my life this morning and I had just started my bowel program and started grousing about having to find a new cleaning person to Dana, my home health staff. I talked about Dana a couple times she's great. I've mentioned that she is really my only staff who actually done cleaning while I was going through my bowel program. I was impressed. I really wasn't trying but was pleased when Dana suggested that possibly I could hire her (under the table). I of course jumped on the suggestion. Hopefully, Dana can start this coming Monday. I plan to purchase two hours. Maybe, two hours the first of the month and another to halfway through. That would basically be $80 a month. I think I can do that is not I know I can do $40 a month. I have some trepidation. I hope I can manage Dana effectively and not get screwed. Dana's always been a straight shooter, a bit of an eccentric that's why we get along so well I just hope everything does not change. The only thing now which concerns me is what do I do with Cindy and she comes back. That's a bridge I will cross when I get to it…

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Do Gooder... Not Me!!

I am not a do-gooder! I am not altruistic at least I do not believe I am altruistic not that there's anything wrong with being altruistic being altruistic is just not me. Having said that however I do care about folks in my life… Kinda. Remember my post from last week? I wrote about my little toenail which has been growing out of control and finally got nearly ripped off by putting on my shoe. I went upstairs and had my friend Steve the retired surgical nurse but a dressing on my total stop the pain and protect the little toe from any further trauma. Steve is actually in the apartment directly above my apartment. I like these apartments they really took care to insulate one unit from the other so I don't hear much which goes on above me or to the unit on my side. I really only know that Steve is there when I hear Steve flush his toilet. When Stephen flushes it sounds like a jet engine taking off.

I worry about this guy. He is very old, even older than I! Stephen is tall and lanky (is that redundant?) In fact he's a bit teetery. However, Stephen still holds a drivers license and he does have a vehicle. He drives though I've never seen this but I believe him. I've noticed lately when in his apartment Stephen tends to use a manual wheelchair for mobility just to be on the safe side. I can appreciate that. This weekend as I was going through my DVD collection I noticed I had duplicates of Jason Bourne movies, the Bourne Identity and the Bourne Supremacy. I don't know, I went through a period of time that if I didn't I cannot find a movie I would order another off Amazon or by happen to see a movie I like in the DVD discount barrel for less than five bucks I will buy the DVD on principle just to make sure I have access to the DVD should I need. I knew that one time Stephen had indicated you like political thrillers/spy type novels. I figured I can dump these off with Stephen make some space on my DVD shelf and end up looking like a good guy. (Call this altruistic if you like but clearly I was doing the giving for my own benefit) I was a little chagrined when Stephen indicated he only had both titles. Oh well, I tried.

When I did not hear the toilet flush or here Stephen scrabbling around upstairs I get worried. It's not that I live in constant fear that Stephen's going to kick the bucket but the guy is pretty old and seems pretty frail. I know the jokes going to be on me when I kick first. But while I was up there this afternoon talking of all things artificial intelligence, the Terminator series and the novel Stephen says he's “writing”. I broached the subject of getting a picture of Stephen and I together. I've had the strongest feeling the last couple of weeks that I need to do this or I'm going to be sorry. I was pleased Stephen had no objections to getting his picture taken with me. I also wanted to get an image of Steven's head. I want to try to draw it. Today I got the image.

I'm going to be sorry that I'm befriending this guy like I am. I really have not made a lot of friends around this place for the same reason I haven't gotten a pet in the last 10 years because every living thing dies and pets and old people are just waiting to break your heart.