I have often referred to myself as the destroyer, the Great Destroyer but ever since I came home yesterday from my days outing into a perfectly ordered apartment I've been trying to be careful not to do anything to mess up the place. But it's strange matter what I do I seem to drop something, spill something or break something. So yes I do some destroying but more often than not I do something chaotic, it seems I am an enhancer of chaos. I was born to help ordered reality to non-order. Now I don't think this is a good thing per se but does not the universe need enhancers of chaos? Natural breakdown is part of the natural order I'm only doing what is natural.
Still being the Enhancer-- which makes me sound like a superhero or super villain – – of chaos you would think that I would don't get frustrated when my actions result in either things not working correctly, not being able to perform as I would like or just making my environment hard to appreciate and enjoy. I have this drawer in the kitchen that I pulled and have placed the board across the open drawer acting as a work surface. In the process of doing this I have pushed the front of the drawer completely off. I know that is difficult to visualize but imagine the drawer with the front so it's just the space/open space that still has everything that drawers have in them in the kitchen when there's more to the top. Now remember a number of months ago my occupational therapist was going to put hinges on the back of the board mounting the board to the counter so I be able to lift the board up to get to the items in the drawer. I hate think about how my OT has sort of dropped the ball on the drawer project. I have to watch every minute when I'm working on that surface but I don't wish that drawer and so far that the work surface tumbles and everything on it tumbles to the floor or in my lap. These inanimate objects that I tend to animate, so easily, due to my chaotic coefficient is just doing what it wants to do but then I have to figure how to restore order to the chaos I've made. Enhancer are not really this ordering really pisses me off. Then there is tipping of my was a desk top in my living room. This surface is usually covered with pens, pencils, mail opened and unopened, art supplies usually stacking layers. This goes on until invariably I backed my chair into the corner and everything falls to the floor this is a major mess is not me feel good at all.
Whining as I have been is not been that unproductive. In fact I'm beginning to feel pretty good about my life in chaos. I'm positive that I will not magically start living and ordered life but the job that Cindy my cleaning person does is so good that I want to fight my natural self and reign in my chaotic features. I built this last month when she cleaned and worked kind of hard to bring this about enough that Cindy noticed and mentioned as much. My goal now is the doing better this next period of time to get even more positive strokes. I me after all is that all about the strokes ;-)?