Almost Naked

I'm doing something this summer that I have never done before, at least since my accident which is more than 40 years ago. I am going topless! I know in our culture is no big deal for a guy to take it off and walk around his yard and house all summer long. Daniel, my neighbor who lives across the street is always topless. He mows his yard, works in his garage and cooks out all topless. Dan works out, enough said. I used to think I envied his body (I probably do) but more than that, I envied his self-acceptance of his body and Dan's ability to walk around not worrying but anybody especially the neighbors thought or said.

I think I briefly commented on a number of blogs ago about coming to accept my body for what it is. I'm disabled, I'm old and I could've taken better care of the body that I have. I think this except it's really started when I began my regimen of self catheterization. For the first time from 40 some years I began paying attention to parts of my body type, forgotten were there. And strange as this was, I liked it. I awakened a vein of exhibitionism long covered-up. I think I may have been made to be a nudist. So the last couple days all I have been wearing around the house are shorts and really they are kind of short shorts. But I can't believe how liberating and fun it has been cruising around my garden and garage topless. Now be aware I'm okay doing this on my own property but were I to go over to a next-door neighbors or across the street to Dan's I would throw in a shirt. I have not gotten that secure with my body yet.

So I'm old, I am fat but I love who I am, I love every curve, every swerve, every waggle my body produces whenever I move. I love my man boobs by huge love handles by belly button and yes, even my microscopic penis because it's all me, it's who I am it's what I have to be at this point in my life. And I've come to the realization I can be happy in public almost naked.

Life's Obstacles

Sometimes I get so exasperated sometimes just trying to do my day, I just want to cry. Some days, when I have not had enough sleep I feel these pressures more than other days. This is how I felt earlier this week when I was on my way to my local McDonald's to grab a bite to eat before heading into the city. I was actually feeling pretty good as a noted a temporary repair had been made on the sidewalk on the way to the restaurant that I reported to the Murray city engineering department a few days earlier. A little sidewalk degradation that was making traveling on that sidewalk, for me, more and more dangerous. It took me quite a while to get motivated to the point of actually jumping into the local city bureaucracy but I did and now the sidewalk was much safer for me another folks who use any type of wheeled apparatus. Perhaps I was smug, or perhaps my hubris was running high but my forward progress was now being blocked by city obstacles. I couldn't believe it. There was a giant city caution sign right to the middle of the sidewalk. I had to actually use my power chair to push the sign out of my path. No sooner had I accomplished this then I ran into some kind of street blocker in front of the sidewalk cuts that a wheelchair user uses to access the sidewalk when crossing the street. These were a bit more rascally to move out of the way but I was able to do that. I was eventually able to do what I want to do but it was difficult and had I not been in my power chair I would've been helpless to go any further. I did take some images of these obstacles and I will send them to Murray city and hope for the best. I am assuming these are Murray cities but they could be County's and even State's.I know I'm not the only person who uses of wheeled device for mobility especially in this area. A lot of seniors eat at this McDonald's. The city engineers just have to know how to play signage out of the way. Is this too much to ask?

Summer Days

I was up early for my 10 AM meeting at 211, yes I am still on 211 advisory board. I'm not sure if I enjoy my service on this board but I feel I need to be there to make sure that people disabilities privacy Is not compromised. And I'm not this huge privacy rights guy it's just the program called Special Needs Registry just leaves me with the queerest of feelings. Anyway I leave the house about 8 o'clock or a little after. I was making pretty good time regardless of the obstacles which Popping up along the way. I even decided I had enough time for breakfast so I stopped at Mickey D's got sausage biscuit, fried potato and orange juice. I was kind of proud of myself for not stopping in at Starbucks as is my usual custom. I just didn't need Starbucks today.

I usually get off the train at the Gallavin Center and then power my chair over the block 2 and half blocks to the 257 building which houses 211. Instead today I took the train to the transit hub by the end of line where route 2 originates out of. Route two would drop me off right across the street from my building. I've never done this so I thought given a shot, I saw it as a way of conserving energy because I had a feeling it would be a long day. And I was mildly surprised I actually got to the building into the meeting a good five minutes before the meeting began. The meeting was taxing but I got through it. I was free for the rest of the day. I ended up going over to the Harmon's market to get a bite of lunch and to throw my chair on the charger for an hour or so which I did. I got chili in the bunch crackers. I was even able to Jack-in to the Internet while I ate and waited my batteries to charge. Since I had no more business downtown and made my way to the train station and as I was crossing the Gallavin Ctr., Plaza I noticed a ruckus going on. My day begin to turn, I had landed right in the middle of an ice cream giveaway. Hard ice cream cones and scooped and no waiting. I was mildly impressed true they only had one flavor (chocolate chip and vanilla) but they had number of cones already scooped sitting there ready to go so as the line moved up the next person got their ice cream cone and was sent on their way. I guess it was a new brand of ice cream that Meadow Gold dairy was trying to promote but what a great way to do it. There is even entertainment vocalist with a horn section, the mandatory person and a cow costume and black T-shirts handing out paper crowns. This was not such a high price to pay for good ice cream on a hot day. There is even this goofy guy who was dancing to the music. I was so impressed with his silliness I videoed a few minutes worth.

I know it was kind of a flatline day but really not bad. I got to be in the city in the morning which I really do like. I got some strokes for being at a meeting I was not paid to be at and was rewarded with free ice cream. Not such a bad day.

Opportunity To Shine

Couple of weeks ago I took a call from my old boss who is the director of the state development disabilities Council. I like her great deal she likes me and she believes it she is the main force that has allowed me to enjoy my retirement financially and having adequate healthcare. I owe her a lot. So when she calls I listen.

Claire is a great person, my old boss, she is a dreamer and she even accomplishes many of the things she dreams. So she told me about an event that was going to happen, a celebration for the Olmstead act. A piece of legislation aimed at keeping people with disabilities in the least restrictive environment, which for people with disabilities are physical disabilities means keeping them out of nursing homes. Claire had me join her on a conference call with a number of individuals throughout our state involved with folks with disabilities that are at risk of losing their independence are going to a more restricted environment. Of course, I'm from independent living, this is basic for me I believe this so of course I support them in their project. It was decided a picnic of sorts was to be held in conjunction with the local Independent living centers 5K fundraiser. There would be a press conference following the race where folks would speak to the glory of the Olmstead act. When it was time to assign responsibilities they needed someone to emcee the event I figured that was the least amount of work and responsibility like a deal with so I volunteer. I was told I would get the list of speakers and I a assumed some sort of agenda. We scheduled a planning meeting for next week which never came to pass in the premeeting the day before the event.

The day before the event we did have a meeting of sorts everything's seem to be in place. I had never gotten the names of folks on the agenda a or an itinerary. The day of the event I showed up a bit nervous not having the materials I felt that I needed for my part of the event. I lucked out and was mailed a press release that I downloaded and finally opened where there was a basic list which I took hold of my hand during the event. Claire was there thank goodness and when and frustration I asked her for an itinerary like who is in charge she said “you are”. I was astonished, flabbergasted and scared to death. I told her I wasn't this was not what I was signed up for but I figured nothing was going to change.

They put us together are rather Claire pointed to me and said “you're on”. I shocked myself I pulled it off. I know I did a bunch of mistakes, I always do a bunch of mistakes on something like this. I mispronounce names, I leave out names altogether, I have to be reminded of somebody I missed and that's what happened but that's okay nobody care. Which is okay by me. And what shocked me even further was that I had a pretty good time. I was able to visit with old friends and other friends. I'm surprised at how much I seem to like this stuff even though I hate this stuff. I really appreciate Claire giving me the opportunity to shine.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QczHDwr15GY

One of my favorite television series of 80' s was Cheers,a quaint little neighborhood bar frequented the same group of people every episode who may or may not have been friends. I love the theme song of the series: Where Every Body Knows Your Name. Space I was fascinated by the idea that the replaces for everyone knew you and to some degree cared for you. It was so far away from anything in my life like that at that period of time. I think to some degree I have had similar relationships in some of the places where it worked. That is not quite the same and maybe there is nothing quite the same after all Cheers was a TV show.

I am still involved in a couple of volunteer posts that were related to my old work life. Invariably when I go to these venues I am always asked “How do you like retirement?” It took me a while to realize, and I'm still coming to that realization that people don't want to hear how I really feel about retirement. Always go off at a tangent about how much I dislike the whole retirement thing. I can tell by the look in her eyes this is not what they want to hear. So, I'm backpedaling my response is now to illuminate a little bit of my dissatisfaction at being retired but at the same time bringing up some of the things they want to hear like, sleeping in, playing with the grandkids, and having a great time. I've come to accept I am the walking dead these people are still employed, working I am not to some degree I am what they will become and they really don't want to hear that or see that. If I were a more caring and sensitive person I would probably get out of their lives altogether. But forget that rant. What I started out to write was to a knowledge of place where everybody knows my name or seems to.

In the past I've written about my introduction and inclusion to the morning crew of the Starbucks I go to, in front of my bus stop. How I would first go in to Starbucks to get out of the cold weather or inclement weather until the bus would come. Invariably I would buy their overpriced coffee, our lattes and wheel over to my little table by the window and wait for the bus. I was mildly surprised and a little shocked at how these coffee folks soon learned my name, the beverages I drank and really seen to enjoy my company… Every time I showed up. I realize of course this is great customer service, know your customers, attend to your customers make your customers feel welcome. These people did all that I had a special order, a standing order I had one cup placed in sight another cup so that the beverage would not collapse when writing in my backpack. I have been put in three pinks( the sweetener I use) and they did this every single time all of them, every time I came in or come in for that matter now.

I used to go there every morning of the work week and sometimes on weekends and by some over priced coffee. I didn't mind that I was being overpriced for beverage it was worth it to go to a place where everybody knows my name.

Dilemmas

I have been wrestling with a moral dilemma for the past couple of days. As I'm sure many of you know you can tell that I use a voice dictating device, Dragon Dictate Naturally Speaking, by Nuance, Inc. I have to admit, I'm falling deeply in love with the software. It allows me to get my thoughts down on paper without all the problems that I experience with my limited hand function. It just amazes me to speak my thoughts and see it magically appear on the computer screen. Granted, I have to discipline myself to not only dictate correctly but to seriously go back and edit what I have written, or more specifically dictated. Anyway, I was exasperated last week, when I tried to install my latest copy of Dragging Dictate 12.5 onto my laptop after I had it installed the same software on my desktop. Frustrated, when, after installing the software to a laptop that I could not register the software because it was already installed on another system. In the past I've always been able to install software on more than one machine but not so anymore. Dianne, encouraged me to just go ahead and purchase another license for the software… It just pisses me off control some people exert over other people in this life. Anyway, I did I went ahead order the software and have just installed on my laptop. In the past I had no qualms of using bootlegged software, music, DVDs or whatever. I still don't it is just easier now to go ahead spend the money and get what I want.

Earlier this week, I was out of a tarmac riding the system, I was downtown just about to purchase my train ticket when I noticed stuck to the screen of the vending machine at ticket, a train ticket good for another hour and a half. Briefly, an explanation when a person buys a transit ticket or fare that purchases good for two hours travel in any direction on the transit system. So I had just been gifted free transit for my destination. I actually took a second to think about the options that if I took this ticket, a fare that I was prepared to purchase. was this fair to someone who may be really needed the ticket, a homeless person, a poor person with a disability or otherwise whatever . I took the ticket and felt myself lucky. Then I started thinking as I looked around to see if anyone was watching me… What if this was a setup, entrapment by the transit authority. The platforms are all monitored closely with cameras. How close these cameras are monitors is another question I didn't know. Were the transit cops with their big guns going to sweep down on me at the next stop for sniping this ticket stuck on the screen? I actually begin being concerned, looking over my shoulder, playing the part of the transportation fugitive. Was I willing to get busted for a dollar and $.25 fare? What a joke.

I have to admit I was a little spooked for the rest of my train ride. But nothing happened or has happened yet and I doubt anything will happen. I don't know if I would use the ticket again are well use the ticket if I stumble upon a similar situation. Maybe it will be just easier to pay the fair leave the ticket on the screen. By the way I did put the ticket I used, on the screen when I'd finished my journey. There is still 30 minutes left on the ticket… Hope someone else used it.

Three Way Change

Y'all know how I feel about change. I don't like that, “change” but perhaps “change” is my lesson, the lesson I have to learn forward. There is change happening all over my neighborhood and all I can really do is sit back and watch this change occur.

The big house on the corner, where Brian and Doris used to live has been rented to new people. Brian and Doris have moved further east. Brian and Doris have been great neighbors, they were quiet but friendly Doris recently retired they were gone. I have recently found out Brian leased the property as a group home and there are three adult males living there with developmental disabilities. Actually, this is good, inclusion my neighbor. I must confess I was a bit startled at first having a group home across the street but now I must practice what I preach we shall see. Really the only change in the situation with Brian and Doris gonespace is the house is not as clean as it used to be. We never see the residents and they do get to see Doris periodically she comes over clean yard.

My neighbor across the street has lived in the fine brick house for as long as we've lived across the street from him. Dan is a great name he's always been helpful to me and cordial. His house is not accessible wheelchair that really whose is? Number of years ago Dan went through a divorce, the divorce was nasty but life went on. In the last couple of years he is begin dating again. Then a few months ago he began renting rooms in his house. This is caused an influx of people in our neighborhood. The renters are young guys and quite active now, there are lots of cars lots of parties in the bit more noise than the neighborhood is used to more change.

My neighbor to the south, the one who is even older than I, the one who served in World War II, the one who is now failing in health is the third big change in the neighborhood. My neighbor was in an automobile accident last month. Hospitalized and traumatized he is now getting on with his life in a home that is not conducive to people with physical limitations. He has concrete steps going in and out of his house and terrified he will fall and end his life quicker than he needs. I try to visit him but when I do he has to come out of his house and set on the steps, the concrete steps, this is okay during the conversation but is when the conversation is over and I'm supposed to leave that the risk begins. I tend to stay and wait and watch my friend mount the stairs, open the door and go into the house. I know there is nothing I can do if he were to fall backward short of trying to catch him and if nothing else break his fall. I guess I could alert someone, 911 or whatever if that should happen. It just seems the right thing to do with what I will do even if it annoys my friend. I sense that it does but we have limitations,, we all do he has to realize this.

Change it is my lesson, I hate change and I hate this lesson but I guess it's time to learn it.

Scene From A Mall

I am always amazed at watching the human being evolve from in front to adult. In my stature as a senior human being i.e. grandpa I am watching a number of young human beings transition from childhood and early adulthood and the process is fascinating.

I have a granddaughter who is at the transition point of child and adolescent are actually she's been adolescent now for some time. It is been a pretty good transition, she's a great kid, great sister, great daughter, great student and great granddaughter.( grandpa survival mode: I have a number of beautiful, smart above average granddaughters, this is the story of one of those granddaughters and me). Yesterday, was a busy day for me, which is good. I still sit on volunteer board of a local Salt Lake private nonprofit. This board meets once a week, on Tuesday mornings. Since I'm no longer with 211 I don't travel downtown as much as I used to. But the Assist board allows me a reason get on the train and the bus, in the morning of the day and travel downtown. Yesterday's meeting was short and I felt liberated heading out into the city. Now the meeting starts at 11 o'clock in today's meeting was over by 1130 so I figured what the heck I will treat myself lunch in the city. Instead of jumping the train going to a place I might usually have lunch I decided to take surface streets and find something interesting to eat.I was certainly aware, painfully so, how little choice of food options are in downtown Salt Lake. Oh, there's upscale restaurants which is never easily justified as far as price versus quality of food then there's a host of roach coaches but they're usually Hispanic or Asian and I've done too much of both recently. So I opted out jump to train and go all the way to First South area to the City Creek mall.

City Creek Mall is a relatively large open air mall straddling MainStreet downtown Salt Lake City. It is a mall of extravagance or at least it pretends to be. However, like every mall this mall has a food court and that's where I was headed. The problem with mall food is, especially in upscale malls, it's regular fast food only pretentious. The vendors have foreign names, fancier photos of food on the front of their space and somewhat nicer music and usually lower lights but in the end it's mall food that's okay. I understand mall food. I know but I still like to circle the food court just on the half chance there might be something really interesting to consider. So, I was zooming around the food trying in vain, to find something new and all of a sudden I heard “ Grandpa!!” Bear in mind that the food court was still pretty full, it was the last half hour of lunch break so there's a lot of white noise as is the case in food courts but still something gave me pause. I some how recognize this voice this grandpa with an exclamation mark! I heard the call again and stopped my forward motion and spun my chair around and there to my surprise was Ani, My almost 10th-grader granddaughter sitting with a couple friends having lunch. I was shocked and I was thrilled, to come across such a friendly face in a mall.

Ani actually been as I was presented with her friends. I was pleased to meet her friends, I smiled and greeted and validated Ani's statement that I indeed was her grandpa. I waited just long enough but knew I needed to get out there so Ani could get back to her teenage life. Smiled once more zipped away.

As I ate my lunch, some knockoff Philadelphia cheese steak sandwich, you begin to dawn on me I had been given with the highest compliments and adolescent can bestow upon A relative. She didn't choose slide down and tried to be invisible while I flew I in my wheelchair afraid that I might see her. Instead she screamed my name in a crowded mall to make sure I noticed that she was there. I think she didn't care if she was seen with me. I was her grandpa/I AM her grandpa and that's all that matters.

Bye Bye Drop in

It's true, I guess, nobody does the drop in anymore, you know you're in the neighborhood you realize you're close to someone's home, we like, and you decide to drop by. This is such a big deal I didn't think until this weekend. We were downtown shopping that one of our favorite Asian markets and decide to drop in on some folks who just moved in the area and just do a quick visit. We are rather shocked when we received what we perceive as flat-out hostility. And that was that, we quickly backed out of the neighborhood and headed home. Enough said about this unfortunate event except to say we did meet with the family the next day had a great Sunday lunch and everything is fine… I hope.

Which is caused me to ponder quite a bit over the evening and this morning over the fact that nobody really does the drop in anymore. The drop in is a dead concept. Perhaps the culprit is the cell phone and the fact that almost everyone has a cell phone and one doesn't have a real excuse not to call ahead. But why is dropping by such an offense? Are we in such a disarray of life never ready on a moments notice to have someone visit? I have to admit I know unless I know there is someone coming over early to our home or I haven't morning meeting or commitment I can often be found naked at our house. And I felt the anxiety of having a knock on the front door when I'm not ready for visitors. Perhaps if we had more visitors I would be up in the morning dressed first thing ready to receive people.

Maybe just maybe cell phones are the blame. I see my brother maybe twice a year usually around Christmas time when he delivers our annual bucket of Ice Free. He never just drops it off but always calls to make sure we're home and ready to receive visitors even though he rarely comes in for more than 10 min. Unless there is a family emergency, family reunion or other unique event I do not see him or he calls before he comes. Interesting. When my friends were used to work, a bachelor, someone a bit introverted but very appropriate highly socialized always called it ever he were to drop in. I don't think he would ever just dropping-- he's not built that way. Other than that I'm don't have any friends that do the drop which is sad.

I must confess, being ignorant to the whole dropping thing. I still do the drop in thing. I often go next door with a stick and pound on the door of our neighbors, until someone comes up answers the door. When they do my neighbors often in her curlers and housecoat (since I often lower in the early morning). They're both seniors even older than I so maybe they still understand the drop in. phenomenon. I guess I will have to call now to make sure I can visit my neighbor who just got out of hospital and I don't think can climb the stairs from his back door by himself anymore, by himself. I shall have to give them ample forewarning or maybe not.

So, one more pleasantry has been stripped from the human fabric. The drop in. I think I am going to miss thnt one,