Do I Really Want To Know??

When things begin to repeat themselves in my life I take notice. I don't know if I believe that the great, as in capital great Someone, is trying to tell me something but usually I slow down and at least try to see what's happening. I believe this is happening now, to me. I am being shaken awake and I need to do something.

Twice now maybe more, there have been articles on NPR about adopted kids searching out their birth mothers. I have written about this in the past just a little bit but I think I'm being sent messages and that I need to be doing something about this. One NPR article was interesting in that the whole family( adoptive family) new about the adoptive parent the entire time and  the adopted kid was completely in the dark. So I wonder if my brothers and sisters, maybe even my cousins let alone aunts  all know who my birth mother is or at least how to get a hold of her! I would not  be surprised. So now I must consider "do I wish to explore this path"?. If I do, It seems the most logical person who would know of my birth mother's existence would be my aunt Elaine, my mother's baby sister. This sounds weird I know, but my adoptive mother lived with my grandmother a number of months before I was born.Now, you can't tell me that the sisters and their mother don't talk especially about something like this. So, when someone lives under the same roof as you are your mother you'll get to know them and I can't believe, forget about them once an event passes of this magnitude, the magnitude of my birth and being separated from the person who gave me birth. I am really trying not overthink this but I can't help myself sometimes. But I must take into consideration is the power my mother/mom held over people when she was alive and how strong this is from the grave, I don't know. So even if family members knew this information I don't know if  they would render this informaotion up. I believe someone would if, I cornered the right person at the right time. I just have to methodically start the process of going down family members to get the answer. Again, the big drawback is do I even really want this information, or do I want The information bad Enough to expend this kind of energy and how viable with this information be were it secured? I think for my children but if you the information would be valuable as far as health questions and being able to better present an accurate historical medical account of ancestral information which might be helpful to the progeny. I don't think I want a reunion of those I never knew, I cannot say this hundred percent but the thought does not intrigue me. I don't know if I want to bury any more parents I mean it's one of the main reasons I don't get another dog. They die too quick.

I must consider the options more figure out how to play this hand I have been dealt and do I even want to play this hand.