Struggle!

What a challenge! I am really trying to maintain a positive attitude as I wandered down this bizarre rabbit hole of trying to one fix my broken chair and in 2 begin the process of acquiring a brand-new manual wheelchair that will fit me and be a joy to use. Thank goodness D D has led the battle on both fronts: chair repair and new chair acquisition. I am always amazed how people get trapped in minutia on a simple request. I just want my broken manual wheelchair repaired, as quickly as possible. I would be double pleased if the chair honors its warranty and replace the part at no charge but what's important to me right now is to have that piece of equipment fixed as quickly as possible. I just called National Seating and Mobility to see how the progress of the chair repair was going and of course silly Sarah seems to delight in letting me know she is the gatekeeper of knowledge regarding my chair. Essentially nothing is being done and tell a decision by Sunrise Medical renders a decision of whether or not to honor the warranty they've already indicated they would. In the meantime I am having to hobble around in a solid frame para-chair. Again, thanks to my beautiful wife, we have made the chair a bit more usable by raising the front end by one notch while lowering front-end making transfers a bit easier both to be onto and off of the commode and out of bed in the mornings. Of course by raising the foot pedal I change my whole reality just a little and that little makes all the difference. I was noticing this morning while trying to get dressed how difficult this one adjustment made in the “ standing” to pull my pants up. I was able to achieve the task but was more difficult. We had to raise the foot bar because the flooring the front and of the wheelchair made me gouge the floors and made even the smallest transition from one level to the next a major challenge. So now the floors are safe and I'm under my own power once again.

Of interest to note when D D dropped off my broken chair they send with her a solid frame, 18 inch wide, chair for me to use. When I saw this yesterday afternoon after work I was hopeful but alas when transferring into the chair I found chair totally usable for my needs. Once again, I was using, the huge solid frame I got from Create a couple years ago. We call this chair the green chair even though the chairs rickety and somewhat difficult to use, the chair is usable as gets me by. Today is Tuesday I wonder how much longer I shall have to wait. Tomorrow I am scheduled to meet with my rehab team who will fashion a letter for my MD to sign which will, hopefully push my insurance provider to allow me a new manual wheelchair. It should not be this difficult.

Thursday night I had just finished watching Grays Anatomy and and was taking in the 9:00 news when the wheelchair I was sitting in essentially imploded. I was sitting in a Quickie 2, a manual wheelchair which collapses for convenient storage. The Quickie 2 has been a wheelchair standard for people with disabilities for more than two decades. The chair is heavy duty yet lightweight and this particular chair I had more than 14 years so I guess I've got my investment out of the device.Still I felt it was just plain rude for the chair to fold the with be in it. It was weird I got the sensation of being squeezed by my chair. I couldn't figure out what was happening. When I tried to roll I found it most difficult my hips were in the spokes, literally. Dianne was sitting behind me on the sofa and could not see my chair self-destruct. It was only after I heard something dragging on chair and had Dianne look under my chair informed me that one of the crossmembers of the chair had broke and was hanging down and we had better do something quick or soon I would be dragging my ass on the floor!

Understand that my manual wheelchair is an intricate part of my life. I rely on this technology to get around inside the house specifically the manual wheelchair allows me to get close enough to the commode to transfer on and off. I also use the chair to get under the sinks of my house as well as close enough to my bed transfer on and off. And I must confess, embarrassingly so, that I really don't have a backup system. It was all Dianne`to get the in the bathroom and on the commode. Two or three years ago I purchased a piece of used equipment from a State program which refurbishes assistive technology particularly wheelchairs I got a solid frame, manual chair, but never really used it because the axles, release axles, which came with a chair were too small to deploy successfully so what we'll was always at risk of coming off whenever I pushed the chair. It was just too much bother to get the chair should—major mistake. But Dianne jumped right in found the chair in the garage, drug the chair in the house and fixed the problem by finding a quick release axle which would secure the wheel to the chair. Even though the chair worked there is still a host of challenges. The biggest challenge being the width of the solid frame. There is a very narrow path between the wall and our bed and the solid frame chair was just not wide enough. I eventually had to jump out of my chair at the bottom of the bed and drag my butt out to the top. It had taken nearly 2 1/2 hours to achieve this desperate solution.

Needless to say we spent the day Friday trying to find a solution to our problem. We thought for sure it would be no problem to find an acceptable wheelchair at one of the DM providers in town. We found one provider who actually indicated they had a 18 inch wide manual wheelchair. Of course when we got to the vendor it was indeed a 18 inch wide manual wheelchair, but it was a real “ dog” . We ended up getting a manual chair from the local I L C (Independent Living Center). I knew this chair would be a challenge at best but I was desperate. We threw the dog chair in the back of a van and at home. There was cold, snowy and depressing.

I grew even more impressed at the end of the day, transferred him to the chair and found it almost impossible to one, to stay in the chair and 2, to push the wheelchair anywhere. Dianne was able to give me in bed this morning we drive solid frame downstairs and I have been using the solid frame sense. I also spent some part of the day on the Internet in various classified pages desperately looking for a used Quickie 2, and I may have found one or two chairs which might work.

I am so thankful Dianne was able to save my butt in the man eating chair and fix my solid frame to a usable status. But I should've had a viable backup system. I am smarter than that I should have a backup system that worked. I commit the change that one way or the other.

Night Terrors

Blog March 21, 2013

Something is going on I'm not sure what is, but whatever it is it is affecting my sleep. The last couple nights I've woken at three o'clock in the morning or earlier and not been able to really get back to sleep. Last night was really weird I woke up almost totally congested. I could barely breathe out my nose. I started drinking all the water I could from the container I keep it the head of the bed. This finally kicked him particularly after a drug myself up to a sitting position. I also noted I was feeling slightly terrified. Not screaming terrified just upset enough not to be of sleep. I read an hour then eventually got back to sleep for just a little bit. I guess I'm okay today functioning on his little sleep as I have had but I just hate waiting three hours of the night open for sleep.

Well I waited there waiting for sleep I came upon but I feel maybe the problem. I think I'm feeling stress at the lack of structure to my life now. I think my brain is beginning to see how wide open retirement might be or can be. I think this is what I am feeling the stress from causing my night terrors. I am really hoping that some of the ideas I've been having may fill up this void. I also think I am missing the daily contact with people. I hate to think I am that people dependent but who knows? So I've got lots to do develop my time.

One item that I am getting excited about is reentering the Wellness Program offered by the University of Utah rehabilitation center. This was the program, you might remember, that focused on physically tuning up my body. The Wellness Program is a less expensive alternative to physical therapy. The problem I had with the wellness program was bad the program is only offered in the later hours of the afternoon usually from three to about 7 PM. While I was working I just could not see myself physically working out after a full day of work. Now however that work is a thing of the past feel more open to the program even at its late hour. Still I would much rather have my program earlier in the day. But I'm willing to try the program at the stated time and see how I do. I'm really hoping the increased physical workout well decrease the amount of spasticity I have recently been experiencing.I'm currently in a holding pattern as I am having to have my medical provider send the various prescriptions and requests needed to enter this program. Then once that information has been sent I will have three visits which will be establishing baseline information and tolerances to physical activity. Of course all of which will be attached to my insurance. Oh well I've met my deductible for this year so use it well I can.

Another item of interest will be contacting the local senior center, Heritage Center and see about becoming active in their program and seeing what I might be able to do at that center. This will take some sneaking up on but it might be fun. And lastly I still want to produce some more interview programs similar to what I did with Access Utah Network. So, I feel if I can get some of these items up and functioning maybe I will be less terrified into night.

Senior Thoughts

Finally, the temperature really feels like spring, fairly clear skies just a little wind and promise of a warm day.Dianne had Asher duty today so I had Dianne drop me off at the Sprout market—local natural food type market. Last week I made a pretty good stirfry using some vegetables Dianne picked up a couple days earlier. We both enjoy fresh vegetables and cooking fresh and after last week's dinner we sort of made a commitment to start eating better I. E. More Asian cooking. Asian cooking is not a problem for me I enjoy the process meal prep and the results and hopefully the meal is just better for us. So today I picked up fresh vegetables and nuts to use in making stirfry for tonight. I contemplated taking the bus back to my stop but the day being so nice I decided I would motor on home and window shop along the way.

The Murray heritage center is the local senior center and just happens to be on the way back sprouts market so I decided what the heck today I will check it out. Now I've been in the center before that was for work related reasons—I think I did a couple information fairs there. But I never got in the center as a senior so I figured why not see what it's all about. This was weird. I was surprised to see how busy the place was. I've noticed a number of vehicles in the parking lot and figured that since it was around 12 o'clock they would be serving lunch. They were serving or just finished in the place was crowded with doing daresay seniors. Real seniors kind that I figured would be there was just shock to see so many white haired folks in spandex,knit pants and white shoes. There were walkers and wheelchair folded in the corner and a lot of hustle and bustle. Again, I was shocked to see so many staff besides the seniors in the building. There was an information desk staffed with two volunteers who welcomed me. I picked up a monthly schedule of events and cruised the area. There is one large room filled with people playing bingo which somehow made sense. Another large room was filled with folks doing some form of crafts which also makes sense. I pass another smaller room filled with seniors sit in front of laptop computers. This was the first promising scene I had encountered. I stayed a few minutes longer then fled like a ninja. I don't know what I expected, I thought I would've found a few more folks closer to my age and not many ancients. I really feel I will be out of place or well be out of place when I return. But I do plan to return and see how place fits me and just see how I can make the place fit my needs.

I know this is a senior community center and I know there are a lot seniors who were here before me but life is change and this isn't your dads Oldsmobile any more...

Slippery Slope

Spring has finally found its way to the Wasatch front. Winter has fought the arrival of spring tooth and nail but longer days of sunlight have prevailed and the days are warming. I'm still getting my bearings regarding life in retirement. I'm enjoying the eight hours a week I spend at 211 answering phones and helping out where I can. The weather has been cold the last two weeks of February and March but now the cold weather is breaking it looks like spring is on its way. I continue to ride UTA on almost a daily basis going to doctors appointments and meetings and work. This is good, I get to keep involved which helps my self-worth. I could really see how some people have problems making the transition to a healthy retirement. So far I've been pretty lucky.

There is something happening to me however which is caused some concern. The spasms I have struggled with since my spinal cord injury seemed to be getting worse. I'm not sure of the etiology and I must find out why the spasms are so persistent and strong. The spasms seemed to peak as I go to bed at night but lately I having a more and more severity with the spasms as I travel out in the community. Yesterday, for example, I was at the local market after I had met with Mark Anthony and Jasmine. But my legs spasms got so severe I was afraid I would be thrown out of my chair right there in front of the market, where I was waiting for DeeDee to pick me up in the van. Usually, I don't think I look as distressed as I seem to be these days. Two or three people actually stopped on their way out of the market to see if there was anything they could do to assist me. I eventually elevated by chair shoved myself back in the seat but something is happening and I'm sure I'll be making another visit to my medical practitioner to see. I'm currently on a regimen of antibiotics to attack persistent bladder infection I have. We thought the medication would have an impact on the spasms but as of yet the spasms persist and I am hypervigilant, watching to make sure I am not thrown out of my chair especially in public. I mean Friday I made it to my meeting with DDS Advisory Board. I was late missing the whole meeting the least getting lunch, but while I was there again, my legs loud in front of me and I began sliding out of my chair. Luckily Paul was not too freaked out and was able to assist me in climbing back into the chair. DEE D EE thinks it may be calcium deficiency or some other vitamin deficiency. Would that be the case I would be so pleased. Will have to keep an eye on my spasms in my chair. I kind of think it has something to do with the cushion and the way the padding in the cushion is pushed to the back and forces my whole body forward on the cushion and I tend to slide out of the chair. There's something about my foot pedals as well and the way my foot tends to slide off, my right foot, the foot platform. So I don't know if this is a trip into rehab or into magic rest are whoever is my provider now. Either way it's just more weird stuff as part of this transition.

Yesterday I was fortunate to spend time with Mark Anthony and Jasmine. Mark made special time to visit with me in trying to assist me in getting a new cell phone. It's time I'm well past the point where I'm eligible for new cell device. Looks like I'm going to go with the Casio commander, which is a special tough cell phone, a smart phone! Not sure how I will deal with this, a smart phone but should be fun and hopefully, reckoned to large a bill. Will watch it closely and see how the transition goes. I really do think I well like the 3G capability. More importantly I think I will like the spring – – temperatures in the 60s by Friday.

 Ross and me from  long ago...

I received a letter this week from my brother Ross, my older brother Ross, who is a bit of a Luddite and I mean that in the best sense of the word. He just has no use for things of the 21st-century. So I was a bit perplexed when I got this letter, Rosset even sent a birthday card earlier this month and knowing are hard it is for me to send a birthday greeting I know it was majorly more difficult for Ross but he didn't I got my birthday card on time with money inside. I opened the letter with some trepidation not knowing what the inside – – I could tell there was hardly anything inside just one paper folded three times. The paper was a computer printout of the screenshot of the screen of an article published by KTVB Channel 7 the BoiseNBC affiliate. The screenshot showed an image of a grizzly old guy named Bruce( last name is not important) what was important was this guy named Bruce had been arrested on suspicion of murdering his wife and what's important to me was/is I know this guy or should I say I knew this guy in a time. At this point in my life – brand-new 62 – I didn't think anything surprises me anymore, is been a long time some something took my breath away. This article did just that.

I can safely say I have not been in communication with Bruce for 40 some years, not since grade school art maybe junior high. Growing up with Bruce we' had been in many of the same grade school classes. Bruce had a set of twins for older brothers. These guys were great they were minor sports stars for the local high school and I know a couple of years they were a little league baseball coaches. They were tough to there for Bruce was tough. Bruce was someone I'd never want to fight and I never had to thank goodness, I'm sure Bruce would cleaned my clock. Bruce was part of my universe growing up, he was not a close article in my nuclear existence that he was there. I lost contact with them after junior high and my accident. With the advent of Facebook, and the Internet, averaged out and try to find him a couple times but to no avail. I'd heard rumors that Bruce had enlisted during the Vietnam War and even served in special forces which did not surprise me at all. But every search I did for Bruce dead-ended. I figured he was gone one way or the other.

So, I was blown away, when I received the mail from my brother Ross. I of course immediately went to the website identified on the screenshot and read what I could. Bruce lived in the old neighborhood not far from the house he was raised in. So, he'd been around, he had a life it seems a quiet life until one day something exploded and he did the unthinkable. Since I got the letter from my brother I have been trying to wrap my brain around what happened in Boise a couple weeks ago. I haven't talked to any of the people I know who knew him yet. I don't know how to do that just seems rude to talk about Bruce behind his back that way yet I need to know what some of these folks think. Eddie, John, Tom, Rosemary and a host of others who knew Bruce. I almost want to write Bruce a letter delivered know I support them – – but do I? I don't know him obviously not this Bruce that the Bruce of the five o'clock news. What would I say to him if I did make contact? It's obvious he killed the person in question, it's obvious he's going up the river if not worse – – Idaho still maintains capital punishment. Do I just turned my back on this person of my childhood and walk away? I feel like a jerk doing something like that. I guess that's what I want to know: for the other folks dealing with this? We have to deal with it he's part of our past – – and maybe in some way part of our future… I just want to know.

Retirement Week I

It's Saturday night, the first Saturday night of my retirement and I would like to think this week would be somewhat reflective of what my week will be like-- but this is not the case. This was a holiday week meaning I did not have to go into work on Monday, also this past week was also a transition week. The week was taken up doing activities I would normally not be doing. I was called earlier in the week by the University medical center wanting to know if I have followed through with meeting with the cardiologist about the pericardial cyst which popped up on one of the pictures of my chest way back in November. I was freaked out when this was first brought to my attention before the holidays and was freaked out again when this was brought to my attention last week. But, made the appointment and got into cardiology first the week.

On Tuesday I met with Dr. Frederick Sheen, an ancient cardiologist working at the University medical center. I had taken the train of course up to the University, the day was a good day for traveling out on the tarmac. I got in the office, got myself squared away and waited for the good doctor. As I indicated Dr. Sheen was ancient, he'd been practicing medicine since 1965 and he looked it. He looked at me strangely asking if I was at the clinic today because of dizziness, palpitations and other indicators of heart involvement. I looked shocked, shook my head that I felt quite good all things being equal. Dr. Sheen looked bewildered but continued with evaluation. Dr. Sheen like a Shaolin priest, I could tell, this guy knew everything,his movements were slow and measured, his eyes clear saw every thing. We chatted I could tell he was impressed with the fact that I have been disabled as long as he practiced medicine amazing. Again he expressed bewilderment, why was I there if I was not feeling any kind of cardiac stress or distress. I told him I think my managing doc just wanted cover the bases—he nodded understanding but he did not seem to be in agreement that I needed to be there today. The day ended with me making an appointment for an echocardiogram. I would've liked to have gotten it that very day but of course there was nothing often so I was scheduled for two o'clock the next day another trip into the city.

Thursday was much cooler than Tuesday had been, snow had fallen during the evening but was not a problem. I missed my first bus and waited a while for my bus to come and it did and I got into the hospital and in good time. I actually ordered a salad with sesame seed sticks. So it was huge with all the good things I really do need to eat like this more often.

Cardiology was busy as I rolled in but I was taken right in since I had been there just the day before, all my paperwork was done, I was directed to a room filled with equipment to measure heart function and there I waited till a young Justin showed up. I was pleased that I did not have to transfer from my chair. Now I have been aware for years that I have a pretty significant scoliosis. I really don't think about the scoliosis much except that is beginning to get in the way of some of my ADLs like putting on my pants and shoes. Well, young Justin was having a problem and left the room returning a few minutes later with another tech was always with older and more experienced. I found out then the issue of the day was the technician could not find my heart! It seems my scoliosis has gotten so severe it is pushed my cardiac sac way over to the right side of my chest. It was obvious that the technicians were having difficulties in imaging my heart. They even introduced a solution that was supposed to enhance imaging, that really didn't work. The technicians finally gave up hoping what they did capture would be enough to satisfy Dr. Sheen and in turn Dr. Rosenbluth. The important part to me was that Dr. Sheen, the ancient cardiologist, did not seem worried. In fact it's he seemed still confused why was even there. But I'm touching all the bases and touching these bases really took the whole week so it's not a real good indication of my first week into retirement. We'll see next week when a report on my second week of retirement

What To Do??

It's not a bad Sunday for the first Sunday in my retirement life—I just have not done anything productive except get up and get dressed. We were going to go out and do some shopping for groceries and other things but sort of run out of energy as we put together our chicken salad sandwiches. I'm glad we at least made the sandwiches from chicken we froze last week. Was pretty happy to use the new rocker knives Dianne ordered for me a couple weeks ago. The knives are small but I think I will enjoy food preparation with these devices.

Interesting, the more sleep I am getting the less clouded I am regarding my life in retirement. I'm beginning to think of things I might be able to do and feel excited about doing these things. Things like doing more interview shows for the Internet. I really still want to do the interviews: “the gimp on the street” interviews along that same line the interviews with notable people with disabilities. I still feel them passion with this concept people with disabilities were just living their lives successfully, quietly but remarkably. I would not necessarily do the” super crips” but would not necessarily shy away from doing that interview because the individual was a “supercrip”because oddly enough many of those I deem “ super crip” are pretty damn interesting people. So this group of interviews would be with people in my life. I was wondering if I could do this with individuals for say U D D C interviewing various individuals with developmental disabilities in Utah or develop a similar project focusing on positive closers of U S O R clients. I just don't know how I would sell this to the various people who would have the money to pay for such project. Yes, I do want to charge something for this or I want to get something out of this or project like this. This may be I can do something for trade. I was thinking possibly interviewing people for specific DME provider I. E. Magic rest medical, Peterson medical, or similar operation. The just seems to be so many places I could take this concept if I could sell the idea to the rightful. Anyway, this thinking was enough to encourage me into believing retirement may not be as bad as I might have anticipated. Still, I have not really experienced retirement per se but with it being the middle of a holiday weekend will have to see what happens come Tuesday.

The course there is the old standbys once the weather warms a little dries out I plan to get back to the garage and redevelop my hook project, or put together my best pieces of poetry and develop a book and see if I can get V S A to publish it and finally to work on my “Burros of the Apocalypse” project. So I have things I can do and I have the rest of my life to do these things if I can just keep my focus. Keeping my focus now that's what's really scary.

Done!

I'm done, so ends the week, the last week of my work life ended yesterday at 4:30 pm, actually a little later because I got caught working the phones later then I wanted to on my last night at work. I don't know why but it seemed most of the operators were gone yesterday afternoon. The whole day seemed weird--I don't know why, maybe because yesterday WAS my last day.

I started the day like any other workday, dragging  myself out of bed, shaving my head and face making my burrito and noodle breakfast, getting dressed and heading out the door for my bus. I of course stopped at Starbucks and said my farewells and got my Friday latte, this one free because
today  was my last, day/week.  211 was 211 and phone calls, regular calls--lunch was ordered from China Chow my order of beef and  vegetable was good, I guess it was good-- it was just the 211 staff at first then a chocolate cake was introduced and the rest of the United Way staff wondered into the room for cake. There were a few comments of this an that bout me leaving but not many. I am thinking maybe because I am not really leaving, I am coming back on Mondays to volunteer and so it was not good bye just "bye" until later. It feels weird, I get a call late in my last "real" shift, I had not had the time I wanted go clean and arrange my work space, it did not happen. I basically left it. Delys cleaned my space a little and Liz said good bye till next week when I come back, a week from holiday Monday and that was that. Amy, the boss, had left earlier and said good bye and left, I was late for my train so I zoomed out and was gone. I of course missed my train and was running very late.

Dianne was waiting for me patiently when my train pulled in with the van open and the lift deployed--she wanted to go to dinner, a steak dinner, but needed to get home to my accessible  bathroom. I killed the night. we watched recorded movies and television for the rest of the evening. A quiet night for a strange, last day.

Like War…

The snow was falling today and winter still grips the Salt Lake Valley firmly and squeezes its residents yet this last week I felt the first rumblings of a far offspring, spring which will be like no other spring to me in my 62^nd year. But the snow is falling today and cold days are forecast for all next week. I must be patient the spring will come. Of course, today is Saturday and I'm off for the weekend but I took two days of annual because I thought I would lose them if I did not. I found out that I would not lost these days but decide to go ahead and take the days after Liz e-mailed me that the days were approved so yesterday, Friday I was off and I shall be off next Monday as well. Next week is my last week on the state clock at 211. This is where and perhaps I'll get into more of that later.

I'm a little spooked with retirement afraid I will lose ambition to do anything so I used or I'm going to use these two days of Annual as a dry run to my days retirement. I have had a task on my shoulders for the past couple of months and that was I needed to replace my Social Security card lost somewhere in the last couple decades. It seems I really do need to have access to my Social Security card for a host of reasons and one of the is to formally access pistol retirement gig. So I figured one of the things I would do yesterday was to get my Social Security card, or at least begin the process.

I felt good, dressed in bundled up as I left the house for my adventure in the community. I was in my power chair which meant I was on public transit which is okay, I had the time and the commitment. I stopped in at the bank cashed my second to last mileage check and headed to Social Security and our community. Now this was taken very little time had I just driven over there in my power chair but quite honestly a little scared that I would not have enough juice in the chair to make it over there back so decided to use the bus to go the short distance. This should have been a short distance short time trip but that was not a short trip, of course. And having to go to the bus station take the train back one stop and get on another busand then go forward to the intersection close the Social Security. The day was relatively warm at times, when the sun would break through and I just reclined my chair,listen to NPR, and waited. 45 min. later I was at the Murray office of Social Security Administration. I don't know what I was thinking but was blown away when I open the door and rolled inside. There were masses of people all over the office. Asians, Mexicans, Anglos, lower-class, middle-class and upper-class. Much like the DMV everyone had to go to Social Security Administration sooner or later. There was a number machine I have fast food joints are you pick the ticket and wait for your meal to be served and you have to pick up when your number is called. So to the Social Security administration my number was 299 and Social Security serving was 250 or something like that but I got there. I was okay just more waiting I can do this. I was a little uneasy because my energy level indicator on my wheelchair was in the showing low power levels and I didn't know if I was able to give back or not to import of origin. Luckily I always go with my traveling battery charger. The mass of people in this public service agency was pretty much shepherded by one individual with a gun on his hip a young baldheaded, nice-looking Rent-A- cop who kept eyeing over the population. Any time the mass would search in front of the front doors he would walk over us sure shoo them away should– – he even escorted anyone using their cell phone. That was the first time I'd seen anything like that, a cell phone? I guess I had some to do a security should be thankful.

You know he said with a group of people long enough you become identified with that group even though you would rather not be. So in my group there was a young lady looking terribly out of place, to individuals what looked like a mom and her old teenage daughter who I assume was from the west side – – they had that look in the mom was a motormouth talking bad about friends family situations happening in her universe. She must've been in her late 40s probably cute one time it snowed like an attractive door stop at a blue-collar bar. Behind me they were to guys, older wearing nice casual close who was obvious had not known each other until their meeting at Social Security. The right the Republicans are Utah Democrats who spent hours waiting swapping work stories and bemoaning the number of minority folks in the room. I then found the plug-in I could reach sat a few feet away from the bathroom door. The bad thing about my handy dandy charger is that it charges a very slow rate but still charges and eventually charged enough to save my life.

Like war waiting at the Social Security office is characterized by long periods of waiting punctuated by brief moments of bureaucratic chaos and so it was when I was called to the service window. I was just happy I was close to being done. The woman behind the desk was very nice, overweight, a true bureaucrat servicing the masses, she reminded me of my job but I use the telephone she has to actually talk to people face-to-face, the same people I know who call me day in and day out. At least I don't have to have an armed guard wandering around shooting people away from the front door. The lady bureaucrat dressed in blue admired my notebook and told me about her new Kindle and we shared a moment of electronic bliss – – we shared 5 min. and I was processed out with the receipt saying I would have my new card in two weeks. Not yet quite retired but get the feeling of how things are going to be...

Tick Tock

Blog February 3, 2013

I really meant to get this posted yesterday and but hey, i was my birthday, what can I say? It's not like we did anything huge—Dianne was all up to going out every couple meals but just couldn't get excited about anything. Dianne made me a great breakfast of baking soda biscuits, bacon and eggs great coffee and toast. The breakfast recognition was really all I needed. I received many salutations of the day from family and friends on Facebook and my older brother Ross actually called. I was pleased and surprised. Ross even sent the card with 20 bucks taped to the inside. Now, this is amazing behavior and I'm really impressed not only getting a card, writing out the message, and affixing a $20 bill and then posting the whole thing to get to be by my birthday, quite frankly I am blown away but extremely pleased. We seem to be building a closer relationship as we age and that is very interesting. We spent the rest of the day watching recorded movies and a couple of DVDs. It was a nice day.

Retirement which is been distant, very unreal, point my calendar up until yesterday has now become very real by turning 62 retirement clock is really began taking. Have less than two weeks now show up for work, answer phones and help people on a regular basis. Even though I have agreed to volunteer once a week I know that once I have separated from the State things will be different. I don't know how I just know things will be different. I'll be more of a guest at 211. I assume I'll continue with my friendships especially in my close pod but even those relationships will change as I come in less and less. No one volunteers for ever and I doubt I would ever work for 211 as a regular Joe. 211 Is Changing Way too fast becoming corporate way to corporate for even me to work for especially for money. I just don't need that kind of stress if I can avoid it especially at this point in my life.

February 16 is a Monday the first Monday of my retirement and I plan to work by first volunteer shift that day but what will I do on Tuesday, Wednesday and the rest of the days. Oh I think thefirst week, month will be busy and therefore I will not have to worry too much about what to do with my time, my days my life. I think I have to have something to do every day: structure. I can see myself passing away my life if I don't be careful. I want to write, now I will have time to write. I want to sketch, draw and paint now I will have time to sketch draw and paint. I want to work on my woood and now I will have time to work on my wood. Perhaps most of all I want to work on my physical condition you know loose the weight, add some muscle and become more independent. So I will have to wait for the novelty to wear off and then kick my life into care and structure the rest of my life. I know I can do this just keep tuned to see how

Snow Fall

Snow had fallen during the night—quite a lot but not disabling—but made for a tough morning. I don’t know why yesterday’s snow was so challenging g but I felt the tugs and pushes on my chair as I headed out the door and up to the bus stop. I believe he streets had been plowed at some time during the morning  but there was enough snow left that my tread on my wheelchair wheels quickly became  clogged and became essentially worthless. I sensed I was taxing my power chair but became extra worried when all of the sudden my chair complete shut off  in the middle of the street. I had never had the chair completely shut off being for.  

The street was quiet and dark as I sat completely immobile, I noted for the first time that I did have my cell with me. I left the phone on the table as I hustled getting ready for work.  I would not be able to call DD or anyone else for that matter. I was in trouble. I the darkness of  the morning I heard someone up shoveling their walk and was about to call for assistance and I heard a faint “click” and I tried turning on my chair again sure enough I had power and forward motion.

I missed my bus for want of coffee, I was that late,  I was just getting my coffee when the bus pulled in. I just let the bus go, I caught the next which was OK, I knew it was going to be a long morning any way-don’t sweat the little thing. I was shocked when I did get to the train station at the condition of the platforms. The last night’s snow was still all over and being stomped down into slick annoying ice

There was a sense of trauma in the air as report came in about an accident at 21^st station, someone had been run over and pinned under the train. All inbound trains were being down loaded at 21^st and supposedly being bus bridged to Ball Park station. It was chaos at the 33rd station. I had noticed at my station that the snow was deep and slippery the platforms had not been maintainenced at all, from the bus to the  platform.  I could barely move between the snow and the people, a huge line snaked to two  buses supposedly fairing people but this was a joke. The snow made me immobile and I was relying on people, able bodied folk to push me of out snow and ice holes, in fact I was adopted by two guys from London who did a lot of pushing—I waited for the “bus bridge” for almost an hour. As I was nearing the bus suddenly we received word that what ever issue had messed   up the trains had been resolved and the trains were back on line. I jumped the red line which I think was a mistake—my train was packed like a kipper snack.

I had nearly drained my batteries and I was worried I was not going to be able to make it to my office. There was also the issue of snow piles everywhere and I was petrified I was going to get stuck, but I made it all the way in, I could not even do a slight cline without my whole system crashing down. But I made it just 90 minutes later then I usually came onto work. The phones were already on and calls were flooding in and I was late.

Changes

The days continued to be bone chilling cold, so-cold that I don't even go outside if I don't have to. I don't get dressed just a in the computer room dictate letters and blog entries with the heat turned up as high as I can justify. DD has been deathly sick so we haven't done much on this holiday weekend. That's okay I have sort of enjoyed just being inside and hanging out. The little reading on my Kindle and the little cooking mainly just enjoying the time off and what my retirement will bring. I have been keeping an eye on DD to see if she worsens to the point where we must seek medical intervention but for right now she seems kind of stable she's resting and hopefully that will turn the trick as we return to the real world tomorrow.

It's hard to believe that I am less than a month from my retirement date. Retirement is just now beginning to sink in. Retirement seems a little spooky as the event becomes more and more real. I'm glad I've elected to at least volunteer one day a week at United Way answering phones. I have informed 211 that I will volunteer Monday's. Monday's is the heaviest call traffic day and I think that would be the best help I can be for them. It will help me to in that going to work or volunteer to give me up, dressed and out the door and doing something productive. I fear if I don't I'll just hang around the house become lethargic and complacent. I'm hoping that Monday volunteer day will give me enough momentum to keep me charged an active the rest of the week. I realize I'm going to have to take some responsibility and just in some physical therapy of one form or another. Perhaps I will get involved in that University crip program can see what it does for me at least maintaining my weight is not losing some weight. I may even have to look at finding some sort of part-time job that would bring a few extra dollars in.I think there are things I could do which would not be all time-consuming and keep me focused on giving back to the disabled community. I think my talents and disabled counseling is one of my strong points. We'll have to see. Right now I seem to be in relative good health and I must maintain this at all costs. I can see how easy it is to go downhill and why some folks do this after retirement. I pray I will not be one of those who give up after their work life has finished. I really do admire those folks who seem to be able to enjoy their Second Life – – granted, these folks also did well, planned well so they would have ample healthcare and funding to enjoy their retirement, really enjoy as opposed to just surviving. I have good people in my life, I have a great wife, great kids home, neighbors and adequate access to private and public transportation. We do not live an exorbitant life style and I'm hoping we will be happy maintaining what we have and that we can maintain what we have. Change is the only constant in the sooner I embrace this concept the happier I think I shall be.

Beware The Ice

So cold and old but I am getting round inspite of myself--got stuck twice last night going home and saved by good sams who pushed and pulled me from my icy lock--I really need to push the issue of people cleaning side walks so I have somewhere to roll... I don't have much time to write an compose I have a presentation today up at the conference at the University and should be a challeng--I should be more nervous but I am feeling OK, I just want it over and enjoy the rest of the day.

Saturday Cold

The storm moved on during the nght leaving eight tim12 inches of snow cold, bone chilling cold. This week has been rough for me, I only showed up for work only two days. I could not believe I had only be into to the phones two days!I am becoming a little concerned that I'm beginning to enjoy the time away from work more than my time at work. I'm wondering if this has to do with the fact my separation time is coming up quicker and quicker. I'm almost exactly one month away from retirement that is weird. But I still like being there at 211, I like the people I work with I even like management all things being equal. But I feel myself being pulled away to retirement.I still intend to volunteer as I promised I just wonder how long I'll keep that up.

I really hope my bowels are beginning to settle down, I knocked back a couple shots of antidiarrheal the other night I think that's helping—now for just stay healthy till Tuesday when I have to present at the conference. I'm a little nervous about the presentation you should be okay best case scenario is Rich will never ask me to present again which I doubt will happen been free I can mess up pretty bad and Rich will want me to present.I just wish I knew what was going on inside my intestinal tract. This latest behavior makes me a bit nervous but it certainly makes sense with the timing of my retirement. Wouldn't surprise me at all three diagnosed as colon cancer week after I separate with the state and begin my retirement… What a joke.

It's been a good day, made breakfast the usual green peppers onions scramble eggs all mixed together not bad… And am now waiting anxiously for tamale pie, which Dianne and I threw together this afternoon. It was fun I like cooking and I've been craving a casserole for couple days now and nothing says casserole more than tamale pie. We jazzed it up a little but I'm anticipating a great tasting casserole. Maybe I'll drown it in the country sauce. I may even opens wine to go with dinner of that would be different. It's cold though the near zero whether outside my door intimidates the heat inside.will

Repair of my laptop is beginning to take on a life of its own. I was under the understanding the machine is finished and all I needed to do was pick up. But I have found that now they're replacing the keyboard which I didn't think there is a problem with of all. We had been a little concerned with Diane's new laptop that they had forgotten to move her information, documents, from the old system to the new system but we were fortunate in finding where the documents had ended up. Finding the documents was a challenge but between the both of us we figured out. Now it sounds like a couple more days before I get the laptop back. I'm excited about getting the laptop back—it'll just be nice. To write on the laptop anywhere I want, anywhere in the house.

Back to Work feeling the pain...

I'm working today but feel like crap--don't know if I have the flue or what but I am trying to  make it through the day and hope for better days to come. No fever to speak of, no cough and no big D but I am wearing down as the day wears on--DD just called with a problem with the van so I'm on my own going home--I should be OK--I think I am getting stronger though and that is all I can pray for.

Freezer Time

I cannot believe I let my blog linger six days into the new year – – I don't have the excuse exit just plain laziness and possibly the weather. A major cold front has moved into the Salt Lake Valley and it's whipping my ass. The temperature is really no colder that has been in other years but for some reason, this year I'm having a more difficult time dealing with the severity of the cold. I'm doing all the usual things like wearing two shirts, wearing my great yellow coat and scarf and gloves. And I'm okay when I am out in the element but I can't be out very long.I'm sure thankful that I got vaccinated for the flu, I really think this is saved my bacon the last couple years.

The new year has been okay no trauma speak of, DD returned home from a mega-visit to Vancouver and we had visitors from Saudi – – Rebecca and John, two of our favorite people. We see them sporadically when they get leave from their Middle East duties and do a sweep of the US touching families and friends have left behind. A visit from Rebecca and John is always high priority but this visit we played it low key and had homemade meals and I think everybody was happy especially me. Red beans and rice and some kind of red snapper in a bag everyone was happy and everyone visited for the short time we had to be together.

My work has also transitioned into the new year, we're becoming deluged with calls from people needing to have their taxes done. This seems to be an annual event up there with sub for Santa and Thanksgiving turkeys. I'm going to have to to be specially trained to assist with this project but I'm sure it can be any more taxing than Angel tree. The funny thing is I well transitioned out of the workforce right in the middle of this project in mid February. It is getting weird now as I close in on the last month of my labors at 211. I have agreed to continue volunteering at least one day a week, Mondays, which is the 211 heavy day. I will also stay attached to 211 as a volunteer to assist with the disability training transition. This coming week on Tuesday I will be presenting to the Council about the transition. I am planning to have the Vista volunteer who has worked so hard on this transition to assist me explain some of the intricacies of the training module he has developed. I'm up for this sense having Clark there will take pressure off me.

It is the cold time of the year, slowly ever so slowly the hours of daylight grow but the temperature has plummeted and I roll around in the freezer.

Rerun

Snow fell again last night and this morning covering all the work I did on the ramp yesterday. Snow fell yesterday and I was a bit surprised at how much snow did fall. Actually the snow came down on Christmas Eve and I let the snow stand over the holiday but yesterday decided to get dressed And at least get the ramp cleared to the point that I would be able to get down the ramp needed. I realized getting up around if needed could be a bit tenuous oncoming home from work and driving up the ramp. I slipped and slided all over the place getting up but I made it.

I jumped into my power chair for the project and actually just put on my hoodie because I figured I'll Moving so much that the black hoodie would be all I needed to stay warm. Luckily Dianne had left snow shovel within easy reach the front door but even so I had to travel small way down the ramp and I got stuck! I then had a good 5 min. of rocking and rolling chair to get enough traction to overcome the slippery snowpack. I had just begin moving snow when my cell phone rang it was L Michelle and I rolled back into the house where we chatted for more than an hour. The call with L Michelle was one of the best I've ever had—I was taken back to the old kid days, we would talk forever it seemed. Michele's kids are gone to their dads for a week so she had time to visit without interruption. It was a good call I'm glad she called.

I forgot how cold I tend to get in the winter and I did get chilled moving the snow. I got stuck numerous times but freed myself easily enough. There were a couple times I got a little worried when I had to really work at free myself but I had taken great to make sure I had myself on with me. I did not do as good a job as I would've liked on the ramp, Dianne would've done much better and quicker but I felt good about the work I did. So much so I decided to give myself a treat and buy dinner at Subway. I had no problem maneuvering myself up the street. The streets were clear I had no problem. By the time I got home I was cold but I watch television all night with the heater on and I was pretty toasty. Diane called and we had a short chat.

I was a bit dismayed on looking out my window this morning to see new snow I just couldn't do it especially with more snow forecast for today and tomorrow. So I will wait till Saturday before clearing the ramp again.I must admit I'm getting bored knowing I'm sort of locked in the house. I may just get up get dressed tomorrow and shovel the ramp again and head back up to State Street.

Silent Like 1914

The phones have mysteriously fallen silent here at 211 this cold, and snowy Christmas eve—I am one of the few operators working this, cold gray afternoon. The was an unseasonably warm wind blowing as I left the house for work this morning—a storm was blowing in. I left the house a couple of later than usual since I had to stop at Alpine Medical to get the control box on my chair checked out before I went on into work. My chair mysteriously stopped working on me last Friday in the bathroom and this morning was the earliest I could get in to have the chair checked out.


My power chair checked out fine—which just means the tech could find anything glaringly wrong with the device. Dianne is gone all this week visiting Brooks—I am home alone and I wanted to be sure I am not stranded anywhere in my chair. My chair is aging and I understand systems with I systems will fail and that is what is happening all I can do is strive to be proactive and limit the amount of issues to as few as possible. I am sensing the control is going and that is pricey easily 1000.00 plus I just have to accept this and I am still a good two years before I will be eligible for another power chair. We have already started planning hope we might find the resources for my next chair. Last Friday when I went to pick up my latte I miss judged and spilt the liquid all over my control unit—the joy stick I use to drive my chair—easily the most affordable part of my chair and to make matters worse earlier in the week I had to pick pad cover—a rubberized sheet which protect buttons I use to operate functions of my chair. The tech told me I was luck cause if any of the coffee had indeed found its way into my joy stick control then my whole unit would be toast—so I may have dodge a bullet there. So now I am rolling on a time bomb. I don’t know when or where but somewhere at times my joystick controller is going to fail and I will be stranded I just hope when the that moment occurs it will be on a working day and I will have access to my cell.

I am alone this holiday—my family has gone to visit Brooks in Washington—Mark A is round as well as brother and cousins an one ancient aunt—whom I love dearly- I love them all dearly but some times it is just easier to just be alone. So there is snow falling right now as I type and I know the ride home will be long and cold—I thought bout making a turkey breast for dinner tomorrow but I don’t know now. The more I think about the effort I just might pass—maybe some red boxes and some wine or even a spot of Christmas gin and wait for visits from Christmas Past.

Where is my Hair Dryer?!

My hair dryer missing! I keep a hair dryer at my desk and usually in my back pack to use on cold and raining days or when I might have a bodily malfunction of one sort or another. Especially during the winter season during the snow and cold I use my blower a lot. Many times I get soaked from cold wet snow falls. So, when I get to work, drenched and freezing I dry out with my hand held drying device, I am always surprised at how well the dryers work. The only problem I have with dryer heat maintenance is the possibility of morning my legs or other parts.


I have used all kinds of heater in the past. Early on I realized I could pick up a hair dryer for hardly anything at garage sales or thrift stores, especially here in Salt Lake city the home of Deseret Industries—the country’s largest thrift shop network ; at the DI the hair dryers are stacked like cord wood. So, I can replace the missing dryer but I doubt I will find on as good as the one I missed. I lived with a teenage girl, our daughter and during that time between Bridget and her mother we acquired numerous hair dryers and some of the dryers were top of the line. Heavy duty, industrial strength systems, using one of these dryers is like drying your hair with the tail end of a jet. I needs a dryer system.

Today , I had a malfunction, I needed the device and I was totally surprised to find I don’t have a dryer at this office-I cannot believe this. I doubt I would have taken the dryer home-knowing my direct need for such a device. So if I don’t have a hair dryer here then someone else has absconded with the tool. I hate to think that someone in this office might have taken the appliance—right off my work space. Replacing the dryer is not really a big deal it’s just awkward and time consuming and will be good to have round when next I need such an implement and the biggest issue I needed to have device today

One more week gone...

Already the weekend and I have hardly any posts for yet another week. I am just not getting the time I need to get posts written and up.  I really need to work harder—we met with retirement systems and everything seems to be in place which takes a lot of stress off us and DD is busy getting the house in shape to live me in charge during her forth coming trip to Washington  state. I am feeling much better and  I think I get along just fine.   My time at this work station is about up, just a few more weeks I may do some  volunteer time here if they will have me—I have to check with administration to see if they will be open to me  coming  once or twice a week to take on the phones. I think working a couple of times a week will be healthy for me  as a way of stepping away from the work place: not too quickly. I firmly believe  stopping work too quickly may prove harmful to my health.

December Weekend

It was quiet this morning as I sprang from the front door and down a ramp coated with new snow—the snow has been falling all weekend, not a huge snow fall actually just a couple of inches at that but the snow brought cold temps, winter temps , Christmas temps and felt for just a minute the Christmas Spirit as I slid onto the drive way and began my commute up to my bus stop.


The weekend skies were filled with cold gray clouds spitting snow stingily, We did not leave the house except to check for mail the day was perfect to stay inside and cook and work in the computer room. We ended up making cookies and basically nesting. I was able to visit with some of the kids over the internet on Saturday night—Mark A was on line with Shelly and girls and were trying to get Charles and James online as well. We never did link up with the boys we really saw the potential of having everyone on line at one time. I washed dishes, seemed like tons of dishes, washing up after each meal was prepared and food project completed—I wrote to two thirds of my commitment and watched little television—which I believe is a good thing. I did not get to any art work, which is my own fault, I could have spent more time on art and I need get myself spending more time in the real time and out of the virtual arena. Though I did cut another video file for no one ;’s consumption but my own.

The hours of daylight are short, I spend a lot of time rolling in the dark and just enjoying the season

Focus,Focus Focus!!!

I have been sitting on this information for nearly a week now, not really knowing how to approach the information’s dissemination or even if I should but in the end I think the event is worth writing about from my point of view and the whole irony which seems to infest my life. This entry also seems appropriate  as I notice I am writing more and more about my impending retirement and how this event will influence my life.

Last week, I think it was Thursday, I was sleepy, worn out by the week ,and I was feeling groggy as I headed into work .  I was dressed warm, had my Starbucks stacked in my back pack and I was cruising pretty well  over to my building. I could have easily fallen back asleep if I had not had to work today. But, I was sleeping a little as I rolled, I could tell—which is stupid. I need to be more focused. I have to cross at least two streets as I roll Eastward to my building. I came to one intersection and I checked the light and the “Walk” light had just come on and not even thinking to look for traffic I plunged out onto the street and I immediately hear rubber grabbing for and clutching pavement and when I looked up I was right, smack dab in the grill og an oncoming vehicle. Lucky for md the driver was awake enough to slam on his/her brakes stopping in time to save my chair and my life. The driver making a right turn on the light. I know this is extremely dangerous I have had several friends run over in their wheelchair—people come up to a light which is red and the driver is going to make the turn. The driver will check for on coming cars but never checks for  checks for wheelchairs or other pedestrians.

In my drowsy state I did not even register my near doom experience, it was only after I had gotten to the other side of the street did I realize what almost happened. I did not start shaking or anything like that  I just could get the picture of the vehicle’s grill looming right here to my immediate left. I thought about the incident all day yesterday and even into the night. On another note I was so frustrated that on the next block, I got confused with the lights and started crossing  against the light just as another vehicle came screaming round the corner—I realized what was happening at the last minute and slammed my chair into reverse and pulled myself out of the at the last minute: tragedy averted .

Over and over again I have heard or read of folks who retire dying days, weeks or months following following their retirement. Why? I don’t know but I am beginning to sense something happening to me which just might affect my mortality following my time following work. I need to wake up, I need to sharpen my focus to make sure I’m round long after the job is gone…

Nothing Saucy

The skies are gray this morning with a promise of rain—the days continue to be warmer than normal for this time of year. Christmas season and it feels like  Spring. There is supposed to be cooler weather moving in tomorrow with a slight promise of snow but I will be surprised if I see any white stuff  hit the road. Dianne has really began cleaning the house, I think stimulated by her upcoming trip to Washing State to visit Brooks or from October’s threat of Sandy coming into town next week and Sandy committing to coming over and clean house—what ever the reason I am excited and pleased to see clothes folded and floors vacuumed—now if I can just survive the trip home alone.

I am feeling much more comfortable now then I was feeling last couple of months—I have healed and actually feel have grown stronger with the meds and other options I have started practicing  like the compressor socks—even if I can not be totally naked wearing the socks I can be naked enough to feel good and for art work ;-).  My days at this work place are numbered and I can feel the sense of separation I feel coming. I am talking and thinking about coming back to volunteer maybe one day a week, on Mondays,  early shift to get me going and out of the house and into life. I may look at some other areas to consider volunteering at as well.

Sorry, nothing saucy in this day’s post just checking in this middle of the week.

Sights of the Season

I continue to have less the stellar posts top this blog, I just cannot get the undisturbed time I need to develop the thoughts I want and need to get expressed…so in the mean time I am just going to rely on short little blasts of thought which will get some of what I am thinking about day to day and maybe an image or two.

Yesterday I came to work was confronted with Christmas poinsettias blocking access to the access buttons to the elevators. I know it seems a little thing but it is just one more thing I have to navigate round in a days time.

Just A Little

I am once again overwhelmed with the feelings of schizophrenia I feel as I am working here at United Way—I was contacted by my old employer last week to inquire if I would be the Santa this year as I have for the past twenty or so years. I have always done the job, I am legendary, I am the man. I am the only wheelchair Santa in salt Lake County if not the whole state. I don’t necessarily like the job its just one I can do and do fairly well and I have been doing the UILC Santa for ever. The problem I am having it the event, which is next week is in a week, I am already planning on taking a whole day of that week for medical and retirement counseling and I feel nervous pushing United Way for more time—but I need it. I would feel even more nervous if UW was actually paying me but since I am with the State still I should be OK.



Today is the UW Christmas/holiday party and everyone is off the floor except part-timers and me. Its no big deal but all the full time staff kinda acted like it was with much stealth and cunning and so that might mean something.

Broken Heart

So there I am sitting like a dufuss as Katia sifts through my ever growing medical file and I see her actually blanch as she reads through the material garnered from my four day stay in the hospital last August. She just sort of stared at my chart talking to herself saying something like ‘ I cannot believe I did not see this’. Clearly she is reading something important and I am just sitting there. I sense Dianne is concerned as well but I am oblivious watching the scene unfold, like watching an episode from “Grays Anatomy” except I am one of the actors, guest star, of the week.


I have had a couple of days to ponder and research the world of pericardial cysts, Dianne has been researching as well and on first blush things look better then they sounded but because my pericardial cyst presents with complications everyone seems more concerned than I would like. I am trying to compartmentalize the issue and stash it away in its little place until the issue needs closer scrutiny or action. But, still, this pericardial cyst is new territory something really pushing on my comfort zone and just maybe drop me further into the medical/healthcare system.
So here I sit here, answering phones, and dancing round medical websites on pericardial cysts and how they may influence my life. I am waiting for the doc to call and let me know what the next course of action will be. I kinda hope I don’t hear anything until Monday allowing me to have at least a great weekend.

Comp Socked

Yesterday was the follow up appointment at the  medical center for the time I spent in the hospital over this last August and since I have the “sitting” consult a couple of weeks ago—no big deal right? I cannot say the event was horrible but I can say I came away more displeased then I thought I would be.  I was fortunate in that Dianne was able to attend as my “Medical Advocate” (MA). Dianne is a great MA in that Dianne reads, loves to research and actually do the work to “help” the medical professional provide the best medical service possible.

I love my medical provider—Katia is a European P.A. for an MD who sort of specialized in spinal cord injuries. I rarely see the Doc and mainly just the PA and that is just as well. I can tell she really likes me too but she just won’t let things go. For months if not years she has been trying to get me in a pair of compression socks—my feet tend to retain  water, lots of water, huge puffy blocks at the end of my legs.  Medical professionals  who she my fee for the first time always tend to freak out a little. My feet don’t not hurt or cause discomfort—the feet just look weird and I can live with odd looking feet. Katia always want me to wear the damn compression sock.

Compression socks are socks which are super tight and go all the way up to the knees and pushes the water  and blood back up out of the legs and back into the circulatory system. Everyone except me thinks that is important. Each appointment when the subject of compression socks  would come up, I would look at her pathetically and shake my head that I would not be interested and usually be on my way but not yesterday. One of the main issues I have with comp socks is that are so elastic and tight I do not have the hand function to get the socks on or off independently. So once the socks are on they will stay on until I can find someone to take them off  and since I love to go naked, any chance I chance  the comps will totally limit my ability to be free. Usually I can passive aggress my  way out of these tight situations; I would just not buy the items and be done with it till my next appointment.  Not yesterday, before I could protest she had a package of brand new socks ripped open and had her nurse and Dianne wrestling the tight fitting garments on to my feet. I don’t think there is one thing which makes one feel older then compression socks!!

I have flesh colored compression socks on, I really don’t feel that different yet but I slept in the socks all night long and actually my legs have felt a bit better this morning and I am wondering just wondering : is this another example of me fighting the system, like the catheters, that after I started using them I felt so much better.

I feel I am just loosing so much control over my life and then my PA dropped the bomb, she mentioned she had not noticed a paragraph on my chart which indicated that I have a pericardial cyst –I visibly saw Katia turn white which gave me pause and that is another story.