Just a feeling

 I seem to be coming such a worry wort I can barely stand it. I am surprised by caregiver keep showing up because every time she comes in she can see that I've been worried about something. Last couple of nights I've been waking up very early last night I woke up, or should I say this morning, I woke up around 3:00 a.m. I never really got back to sleep. But it's really weird is that I have felt okay through the day and I've been a very busy person today. Two bus trips and socialization coffee and working on my arm bike to finish my workout for the week 200 minutes. Just turned 9:00 p.m. and now I'm getting a second wind. I don't plan to stay up much later but it seems like I should be feeling worse than I am. And I just feel like something the Dreadful is around the corner. I could be suffering from the news I got yesterday of my brother's blood cancer. That could be it and I can see how that would influence my sleep as well. Having said all the above I must admit that my transfer this morning was better than usual as well as the self-dressing. I even wore both shoes today which is unique. I have just not been able to get my left foot up high enough on my leg to slip the other shoe on or have it stay on when I push the leg off my leg back to the Box. Often I'll have a spasm in the leg will kick the shoe off but not today so that's a good sign. I just hope I'm able to sleep tonight and do some catch up. I guess the best thing I should take away from these issues is that I get by. I guess I should worry more if I were the suddenly stop being able to make the transfer from the bed to the chair or actually land on the floor. Yesterday for a short minute I felt my leg go between the bed and the power chair and I found in the past where that happens I'm almost a goner. I either have to stay that way until my caregiver gets here or I have to call someone and the worst case scenario is the 911 folks. It's been 10 years since I've been to this place I still don't know enough people I could call on or even how to get a hold of them if I were to have an emergency like this again. But should really boost my ego and concept of being independent is the fact that I have been nearly independent for the entire time I've been here which I think would be more than like 3,000 days or more that says a lot. Oh, I've had the fire trucks come out a couple times no more than five I don't think. Tomorrow's Friday that means Melissa will be here for my shower, toileting and dressing. After that it's Saturday and Sunday and I dress myself but I think I'm going to do okay .,,psis I just have a feeling