One More Time

I just lost three quarters of a page of text and cannot get it back, I had not saved the document yet and what is worse, I was just taking a call and when I was asked to save my material I hit “no” instead of yes, by mistake and I lost the file. I cannot use any “recovery” type tools because there was no aberrant machine behavior which would have cause a “back file” to have been developed. I, in a mid afternoon , just hit ‘No” when presented the option and “zip”, “phifft’ bye, bye my text went. I wasted an hour thinking I might be able to get the lost words back and then finally realized if I had just started over I would be done by today’s post by now.

I was about 150 words into a rant concerning a consumer I have been plagued with for the past twenty years, who keeps showing up like a bad penny, who I had actually named and described to the point that anyone who know the social services networks in this area and consumers would know exactly who I was talking about and making the whole posting illegal as hell and making me totally libel. So, I am sure my overly active sub conscious
was just watching out for me.

I cannot believe I have not been totally sued over the years I have been in public service. I tend to start writing things which may be actual and factual but suicidal to me politically speaking. In my last job at the I.L. I had Kim, my buddy and colleague who tended to keep an eye on me and my writing. I sort of have an idea that Kim was assigned my our executive director to keep the eye on me. I resented this obvious dominion at first but Kim did such a good job and saved my butt so many times—I now years later cannot thank the lad enough.

I don’t have Kim in my life in the capacity any longer, I have no one in the capacity. I am out there on my own dancing through the “mine field”. I am too stupid to be frightened most of the time. It’s just when I am saved by one of my mistakes and I have time to ponder what I almost did do I realize how dangerous to my self.

So rather then name the consumer directly, or describe the consumer so accurately that someone reading the post could pick the consumer on the street I write in generalities typing my frustration in the safe but weak descriptions of generalized anonymity. The safe route is often the quiet and boring route which makes for a long dry blog.

The heat is back this mid-summer’s eve; Summer begins tomorrow and the day is going to be hot. I have to put together some budget document for my funders. I have not actually done the funding before so developing funding requests is new territory for me. I am somewhat embarrassed I have not done this before and just learning to do this now, after being here for almost eight years. It is time.