Who Am I ?

Last Sunday was my Aunt Elaine's 89^th birthday and the was a small clanning in the local area, everybudy met at the “social room” at the condo where she lives. All the relatives in the area were invite but in the end most who attended were immediate family and associated in laws. I of course was from the second tier of relatives,nephews and nieces. Dianne and I went representing my aunt's sister's family. It was great visiting with the cousins some whom I see only every couple of years usually at some family reunion or other family function. At this function my two cousins Tracy and Rhonda came great distances to pay homage to their mother which is great. But as we got to conversations after the hugs and smiles of meeting,I was astonished my cousin Rhonda, a bit older then I mentioned that I had been a quite a hellion along with my older brother—I don't know why this statement startled me so much except I had heard nearly an identically comment earlier in .

My older sister Faye, has been making such statement for years but I always thought that was just Faye. Fay is actually my step sister and she and Irene my sister just older then Faye were always the onces commissioned to babysit me when my parents were dating. Faye gets a little dramatic so I just wrote her descriptions of my youth as older sibling harassment. But now Rhonda's input and other's I am beginning to wonder. Granted when I was just under two I assassinated a family cat by putting it under a tub in the middle of summer. I also killed a robin when I was six or seven with a beanie flipper I had got for my birthday, which I carried great guilt for, even to this day. I also killed small animals in the desert above our home in South Boise, rabbits and “picket pen” gophers. But I was not alone in the serial killing of these rodents—I had the impression I was doing the world a favor—in fact the State government of Idaho paid me 25 cents for every tale I brought in as a bounty and I doubt any of these folks knew of my dark under takings.

So all week I have been perseverating over my frame of mind as a child—was I the monster that I am beginning to believe people felt I was? I mean I did not kill anyone human—I had my share of fights—winning very few but all in all I have done pretty good I think. But still in the back of my mind sometimes I wonder just who am I ?