Steam Punk

As a rule, I keep to myself s I ride the train each morning and evening o and fro work. In the morning I am often sleepy from the early hour and lack of sleep; in the evening I am burnt out, tired and often in a foul mood for any number of reasons which could stem from public service. But, I have noticed myself getting into conversations the past couple of days and sometimes quite animated. This is a new behavior for me and I had better watch it. Friday was just such a morning.

I took a later train then usual—Friday is my usual physical therapy day and I usually got into my office quite later and I also catch a later train.--and there is always a whole different crew and I never know what to expect. The train was packed when I got on board there were two power wheelchairs on board and a manual wheelchair stacked with luggage. The driver squeezed me in and I immediately started playing on my Strive—one of the best ways to insure isolation—it did not work this time.

There were a couple dressed in black a women in a power wheelchair and obviously her partner also dressed in black and worked a short top hat. I have learned since I met these two they were followers of Steam punk—Steam punk, a genre which has snuck on me . I should know this genre and I don't. I do now. Anyway, one of them asked about my tablet and how I like it and did I use it as a reader. I answered in the positive n both counts. I became intrigued with these two. I found they were going to a Animi-con being being held in Layton Utah quite a trip for someone in a wheelchair. I found the two save all year to go to this three day con , they stay at a hotel and enjoy the animation. The gentle in the steam punk hat obvious was the care taker and significant other of the women in the power chair, the two were dragging the manual wheelchair which would allow the power-chair user thee ability to get round in the hotel room freely. I was totally blown away—these two were hard core users of public transit.

The woman in the power-chair was seemed to have cerebral palsy, her speech was OK but quite involved physically—she would be a handful. I don't know what their relationship is but they seemed close and significant—most likely married or some derivative of long term commitments. They were off on a adventure on a Friday morning. I envied them. I wished I could go with them. But I had appointments that day an appointment with my boss to see how long my job would last. One of those deep , serious discussions where we discussed things relevant to me and to my future with the office where I worked.. I remember as I took part of this discussion how much I wish I were with this couple living in the moment living in the weekend. Gone...just gone.

"Something's Happening Here..." *

Its been a stressful week—I have been accumulating data for my quarterly report, that document which purports to show your efforts at your employment for the last three months. I have hated to do these in the past especially when the data shown is not the best data or the numbers are lower then what they could or should be.

Now, I must admit I have gone for over a year without producing such a document just because the data was not there or the need for producing such a document did not seem relevant to me since my program has been rumored to be on the chopping block. I am a government employee a state employee and our state like all states round this great country is evolving through slash and burn service modification inorder to bring spending under control. I have been fortunate to have dodged the bullet for the past couple of years but it looks like I am moving slower and slower and the bullets are moving quicker and quicker and I may be headed for a bulls eye. I fear I may soon fall to the financial downturn.

My boss has been great in trying to save my funding as well as various staff members. We have met, configured game plans, re-invented and re-branded, launched new concepts and held more meeting and finally started producing a quarterly reports which again show little difference in the amount of calls or numbers coming into our darling little call center and the goal is to get larger number of calls coming in—nothing has helped my calls flat lined and it seems not a thing I have done has helped a whole hell of a lot. My funders are dissatisfied at best at the worst ambivalent and are threatened to reduce if not pull all together their funding. My boss is busy and does not or cannot devote more of her time to generate further funding streams which would keep my operation alive.

The boss was out all last week, she wanted me to have my numbers and data together all together when she got back into the office—I did not have it and she was unhappy. I have been working on it all week—there has been semi-terse emails drifting back and forth across the office and lots of closed door conversations and my secretary keeps weeping for no reason. tomorrow its all supposed to come together with the veiled threat “and we'll bring up your performance evaluation to see how you're coming along”. I was getting stressed until last night and Dianne and I had a long conversation about what I wanted to do after or if the work/job evaporated. We decided life would go on and I felt relived: why, I don't know I just did. Really, this stress is not worth it, life is just way too short. I need to get into something enjoyable.

*For What Its Worth, Buffalo Springfield

A Media Award

I have been trying to get a post up all week, at least since the Golden Key awards because I know just know my public is dieing to see how I survived the event. Well, I did survive and actually embraced the event and my award—weird I know but here's how the event went down. But the quarter is over and I am get some sort of quarterly report put together before my Boss returns from her vacation next week. I can really do this!

I took the van into work since Friday is my usual Rehab day and then I knew I would still have to get up to the State capital where the event was being held and I am just not sure of my of batteries at all and besides the forecast for intermittent rain. Dianne and had breakfast together at the local IHOP, which I like a lot—we even ran into my wheelchair sales guy and our next door neighbors.

Physical therapy, again consisted of my therapist forcing my durable medical person to fix my chair and try to find a solution to my foot hanger dilemma—I zipped out and drove up to my office and got calls returned and took a couple of new calls and then traveled to the capitol. Actually my boss sent me up to the Capitol early so I could take advantage of the capitol cafeteria—which I did and almost enjoyed until the director of the state Rehabilitation program sat down at my tale and had political conversation. Fortunately for me, I was sitting with another wheelchair user, a real “super crip” who was able to engage the Director. Its a short roll from the State cafeteria to the capitol rotunda.

I had not really told anyone about the award I was getting, however, since my boss is a Director of one of the State agency which serve folks with disabilities she was going to awards program. She was also bring her comrade in arms. I was told by the folks hosting this event that I would get a whole table for my supporters. I did not think much about this fact but I began having visions of me siting all by myself, I would be a man without an island so I offered my boss and her pal a spot—then some one I had met the night before walked past looking lost searching for a place to sit in a sea of strangers so I offered Micheal a place, Micheal was totally grateful and I had nearly a “full-house”. I looked like I was loved.

Here I must confess I thought this was going to bee another “crip” gala but I was wrong. In fact the list of award winner was pretty short just like five or six of us award winners. I really must have done something significant. I got my award. A very heavy piece of glass formed to looking the Earth on a glass pedestal which allowed the globe to effortlessly spin—very heavy a tragedy just waiting to happen. I had to make an acceptance speech which I did not think about at all—which I pulled off OK. I think the people who were there were more interested in my chair and all the bungee cords hanging off the chair. The event concluded at 4:00, not really enough time to go back to the office—I went home to start my weekend...after grabbing a couple of Swedish meatballs. I had had enough glory for one day.

And the Winner is...

Golden Key is this Friday, what a hoot. Golden Key in my mind has always been an inappropriate and degrading, sensationalist use of people with disabilities for the benefit of government programs and the businesses who hire the people with disabilities. SACRILEGE ! A job is a job is a job regardless of how the person with a disability gets the job, the person is working—right? I guess but Golden key is such a Jerry Lewis affair. Oh I used to go Golden Key when the hosting agency served a hot lunch but even then the price was eventually too high for me to pay for a hot lunch and a break from office duties for an afternoon. One must remember the Event was started by a different regime then the on currently in power—whose director I actually like and support—all things being equal. But I do respect the poor counselors charged with services to folks with disabilities in this time o economic down turn with fewer and fewer employes with massive caseloads.

Over the past couple of years I have been producing and staring in an INTERNET broadcast interview show called Access Utah Now. I do two shows a month highlighting some agency or program locally which provides services and supports to families of and people with disabilities. The project has been fun an I have joyed a little notoriety. The main goal in my mind was simply to have another tool in getting Access Utah network out in-font of the public and organizations which serve people with disabilities and hopefully save my job. Yes, I agree totally self serving but I have to admit the broadcasts are usually the most fun I have on a Thursday. We now have 62 programs archived.

A couple of months ago a buddy of mine, Kent, a director of a local assistive technology program, he had submitted me for consideration for the Golden key in Media. I really did not pay much attention to his comment an promptly forgot the discussion until last week when I was contacted by the director of Governor's Council notifying me that I or Access Utah now had one Golden Key 2011 for Media...!

Seriously is this for real? It is and you know what I am going this Friday regardless of what I think or what I have said. If they are going to give me an award I am going to take it and a have fun doing it. Am I a sell out or what. I have to admit the event no longer comes with food and judging by the fact I was notified a week before the event leads me to believe someone else actually was chosen and turned the award down—obvious some one with more personal integrity then I. Its not even job security, I doubt my nomination and award will have an impact whether I might receive more funding come July. I think mostly Kent is a true believer and he nominated me out of the best intentions, I hope. Or maybe I am just mellowing, more then I thought and sometimes it is just nice to be recognized by anyone just for the heck of it.