Happy New Year!

 

You know what really frustrates me? Is not ever been able to find the answers to the questions that I have at any given point in time. I don't know if it's me or what but for some reason the “capitalization” of the first letter of a new sentence no longer is working on my software. I don't think it's anything that I've done per se all I know is that it's not working way that it used to work. So of course I tried to find the solution (because I know it's just one small click of something and will go back to the way that it was). Being able to find that solution is never been my strong points regardless of computer work, math problems or anything that I need to look up it seems that rarely in my able to find the “How to” directions. I know I can't be the only person who has issues this way I just can't find the answer in all the little drop downs at the top of my screen. I feel that there's directions for everything but what I need. It's not big deal I understand just was a little irritations I have about myself.

It's New Year's Eve! I'm not anticipating any major doings. I'll be lucky to put away one alcoholic drink before bedtime. My friends on the other side of the world of have already celebrated the occasion. The Netherlands is eight hours ahead of us here in the Mountain time zone. Around 4 o'clock I got a text from my friend Elske, Elske lives in Nijmegen, Netherlands. She's having a quiet New Year's Eve at home due to the Covid. I have never been a big guy for New Year's Eve celebrations with perhaps the exception of the event I described on yesterday's post with the Gamma Rays. I hope the Rays are playing somewhere tonight. I'm just excited about going to bed waking up with the expectation of living another year on this planet.

I was kind surprised today when my cell phone pinged that it was my old friend Kent from US OR or Utah State office Of Rehabilitation. Kent is one of those nice guys who for one reason or another has survived quite well in the cutthroat environment of State Rehab. In fact I can fortunately say that for a number of years he was on my advisory board when I ran Access Utah. Kent is just decent like I said quite an anomaly in that organization. He said he wanted to stop by and give me something. That kind of spooked me. He's never actually given me anything but what the heck. I'm up to visiting with a good, old friend, on New Year's Eve. Kent had messaged me around lunchtime and by the time 4 o'clock rolled around I had nearly forgotten he was dropping by. Luckily he messaged me again as he was leaving the Buffmire building. It was great to see them. I met him at the front of the building and walking back to my apartment. He forgotten this face mask and luckily I had a spare paper variety which worked just fine. We talked to enjoy each other's company. He works for the state office that has all kinds of equipment, software and supports for computer utilization especially for people disabilities are particularly for people with disabilities. I don't know why I don't use these guys more I should and I will – – if I have a resolution this year it will be that I will useUCAT more this coming year. I especially want to utilize software like DragonDictate and be more proficient in my writing. Anyway, the best part about the visit was that Kent gave me a gift card for Smith's food! I don't know how much but I'm excited to go shopping for something I wouldn't purchase otherwise. Smith's has a great store just down the street (30 blocks) but this should be fun. Who knows what treasures I might find.

Tomorrow begins a new year. Everyone's talking about how horrible this year has been, indeed it has been on a lot of fronts. Many people of died who should not have, the pandemic ran rampant across the world and is still running. People lost jobs, homes, lives in more. But not me. In fact I got the full first $1200 stimulus money and then this morning I noticed I got the next $600 stimulus package! But continued to live independent, I'm paying my own way home health services and everything else that I need. I'm sequestered at the apartment address the terms quarantined. I don't go out much and there is not much to go out for. I'm trying to be good in as much as possible. But for me, and just for me, this year has been half bad…

Rock And Roll New Year's Eve

Today I'm hunkering down. Thus the term I have heard used three times on the radio today rather than go out this weekend celebrate the new year everyone from the governor on down the same just hunker down and I soon that just means stick about a new apartment, house or whatever and make as little contact as possible at least in person . Since I one out yesterday and did pretty good with finding cards, thank you cards and I have just about everything I need for a great New Year's. I should be okay. I might make a fast run tomorrow for some chips of one sort or another but I even have half a box of stat crackers I got for Christmas left. I wouldn't mind having some Canadian or bourbon, Scotch or something dark but I can get by on the spirits I have which are clear and white (yes I still have three quarters of a bottle of eggnog). Not looking to do anything you don't like drinking alone so okay maybe disappearance sit there to get by until the new year arrives, if I survive that long.

I never have been one for New Year's celebrations. New Year's to me as somewhat white Halloween especially if you have to be outside like at the space in downtown Salt Lake where the celebration is outdoors and people just wander around all my night until the New Year's. It's cold. Will not be a downtown celebration this year however/course due to the Covid. See first paragraph of this post. Those that go obviously are not hunkering down as our leaders would like. I think one of the best New Year's eve celebrations I ever attended in the “before time” was a little joint called the Bar and Grill across the Street from the old downtown Sears. The person I was married to at the time was visiting her children in Los Angeles over the holiday season. I was left on my own. I don't know what got me out because, like I said are rarely go out on New Year's Eve. One of my friends, was also quadriplegic wheelchair but had a wheelchair van picked me up and we drove to downtown Salt Lake on New Year's Eve. What to give that don't quite remember how I found this dive except that it was around the corner from where my office was in those days I often wondered about what went on there one day I found out that I kept going back the B & G was quite a fun place. Kerry Pedderson was the leader of the Gamma Rays and somehow taken a liking to me. After all I was the only gimp who would go out and dance on the floor in their wheelchair. New Year's Eve he was drinking that cough medicine alcohol referred to as Jagermeister . Greg quad friend got pretty well smashed and of course could not drive homeand I was not about to drive Greg's van, long story short Kerry drove us home I still cannot believe it. What a cool thing to do. I don't think he was afraid that we're going to get nailed or have an accident and then Gamma Rays would be blamed, Kerry took care of us . Kerry drove us and Greg's van dropped me off and dropped Greg off after working all night playing rock 'n roll at the bar.

Of course the Bar and Grill is long gone as is the Sears across the street. Actually the Gamma Rays every once in a while gets together and will play for an evening at some barbecue joint or something. I try to get out when I can. Kerry always remembers me that makes me feel good especially this night night before New Year's Eve 2021…

Lunch Delight

 

There was just too much sunshine to stay inside today even though the temperature hovered around freezing. I washed dishes and pretty much picked up the apartment a little bit since this was the in between home health day. I worked out of the bike pumping my 50 minutes and then decided to head out . My goal for the day was to acquire some thank you cards and just do a little shopping at some of the knockoff shops like Rosses or T.J. Maxx. Fortunately for me I have both stores just a couple blocks south of my apartment complex easily accessible by Utah transit Authority. It wasn't quite lunch hour so I figured that if I so desired I would also find someplace different to eat, someplace rather than fast food.

The some felt good on my face and even better that I didn't have to wait very long for the bus arrived. The only drawback I suffered was that when I got to the bus stop I realized I did not have my mask! I was kind of shocked because I never go anywhere without face cover. Since I knew that Utah transit Authority provided riders without face coverings a free paper mask. I pulled my shirt up over my face, like a robber, imported my transport. The driver was a good mood and so was I provided me with the mask and all of a sudden I felt legal again. It's a fast trip up to 5400 S. where there are a but load of stores. I checked out Ross's first they usually have whatever I need but not today however I did enjoy looking at all the treasures they did have. It was at TJ Maxx or I found a box of thank you cards and also found just what I was looking for a box of blank greeting cards with their own little envelopes. I'm covered now. I can write thank you notes for Christmas gifts and visitations which I greatly appreciated. However with the greeting cards I'm set for writing all of next year will for a while anyway I only got 10 cards was enough to start. I want to continue making my own cards that I can do that with my stock that I use for bookmarks. I just need a small envelope which are resolved to search the Internet since I cannot find any real paper stores like there used to be. I suppose I'll have to take my chances on the Internet.

I was beginning to feel a little hungry and I decide to visit a restaurant I first started going to over 30 years ago a little hold the wall on State Street called Virg'sfish and chips. It was just a couple blocks from my office and I thought they had best fish and chips Salt Lake probably Utah's far as that goes . I lost contact with the restaurant when they closed on State Street figured that was the end for later on Dianne and I found a second Virgs out in Taylorsville. The restaurant was no longer fish and chips but a full menu would soon specializing in Mexican food as well as color breakfasts. Today, I stopped to purchase a lunch. I have learned my lesson especially a great restaurants tried to order as minimal as possible. If you have a way to carry leftovers than your okay but if you don't you're in trouble. What I remembered from this restaurant was the portions are huge. And they are. I would have loved to order enchiladas or ground beef tacos or their basic “Cheepie” of of two eggs any style, hashbrowns and toast. I figured that would be a mess to carry home I went with the hamburger a quarter pounder.

I have to admit I was a bit intimidated when the lunch came I managed to eat has and then had to nibble on the second half until it would fit in the smallest container they had. I still have a whole meal left. They also had killer tater tots. I finished my coffee bagged up my leftovers and headed for the bus. It was now late afternoon and even though the sun was still out to be turned surprisingly cold as I waited for the busand the short ride home…

70 One Day A Time

 

It would really be easy for me to take the easy way out and take the holiday week off but I just can't do that. My blog has become part of me. Sadly, on days when I have not endured enough to the house something creative pop out of my brain adjusts the blog becomes more of a log. I don't mind logs per say however I do maintain a journal in another area of my computer universe which would be and is a day-to-day accounting. These things come in handy, I have found, from everything from doing mileage at work to assist Dianne when she is having to do some historical documentation for some insurance things are legal things one sort or another and surprisingly when I allowed her to check my journals she was able to fill in a lot of holes that she had forgotten.

I don't know how important it is to blog if you're a writer. A new historical readers know that the main reason I write my blog is so I can write something every day. Even if I'm not working on the Great American novel, poetry, lyrics or whatever I do believe if you're going to write you have to write and I'm kind of hoping that like the hundred monkeys or 1000 monkeys or 1 million monkeys if they write enough the Great American novel will emerge and the key is to keep writing and that's what I'm doing. So, like everything there are good posts, boring posts, not so good posts that everyone some while a fantastic post as you can already tell this is not going to be one of them.

As this month comes to an end, much more quickly that I would like, I realized with the start that not counting New Year's Eve and frolics that I will not have, the next major holiday of my life is February 2, Groundhog Day and probably more important marks birthday. My birthday! I will as far as we understand and know be 70 years old (there is an outside chance that somewhere along the line at my birth year could've been dropped and maybe I'm just going to be 69 again that would be so cool but in reality I guess I better except the notion that more likely than not entering 70 and two months. 70 is a new number in the area of years lived. I don't know any other way to look at 70 but as geriatric that's where I'm going. I think I've danced around the idea of being elderly or geriatric but I didn't really pay attention to it because I didn't really see myself that way because I sort of like the numbers, but the number I don't like is 70. There's really no way to address that up as a good age to be. I love living I don't like dying but I think little bit by little bit of being worn down. Knock on wood I continue to enjoy getting up and love getting up by myself as many days as I can. I can still dress myself, feed myself and amuse myself in all manner of the word. I need assistance in toileting pretty much that's it except for I really do enjoy a housekeeper. I suppose I should be able to keep my apartment clean on my own but there's just things I don't see, reach or care about which needs to be done in the apartment in order to be presentable and for me to be creative and proud of myself and my own space. I guess I will have to get used to living in the seventh decade of life. I have to tell you that it freaks me out but I'm lucky enough to feel like I'm healthy and semi-wise is forget anything about wealth…

Sunday Musings

 

Can I confess something? I think I'm addicted to television or screen watching. I don't want to say that I'm bored that I cannot keep myself occupied but truth of the matter is if I could I would be watching my screen all the time and I feel guilty that I waste time I should put quotes around waste watching. For example today I watched Guardians Of The Galaxy volumes 1 and two for probably the seventh or eighth time. Their free on Disney Plus and even if they were not of got both copies in my DVD collection that would probably watch them. Maybe it's the Covid 19 isolation thing or it's a holiday weekend I don't know all I know is that I'm sitting home, there's no place go and all I want to do is watch more media. Since the only screen that I have you don't count cell phone and tablet is my computer screen. My screen is a big screen for computer screen which lets me watch everything as you would on television. Disney plus, Amazon prime and Netflix are my three providers I don't need much more than that. In fact there is so much media streaming into my environment I am overwhelmed. Even so, there's something in my self that will not allow me to watch continually I must take break.

It's cold today the winter storm coming this next week I'm looking at spending more time than usual in the home front. Luckily I have my arm bike and I still have my trusty rickshaw out on the patio is hard to get motivated enough to unlock my door and role outside and do some pressing. I'd like to think during this time that I will be inside I could make contact with my occupational/physical therapist and do some planning for the next year. I really want to use my benefits this coming year. This year I lost my OT PT primarily from the Covid virus. There is a time there over the summer and fall that you just couldn't get into schedule physical therapy or your regular hands-on therapies. Perhaps with the vaccine that will change. But I'm going to try being proactive and let these people know how much I want services this next year. Perhaps I'm putting too much weight on the vaccine but I think things are going to get better at least on the face-to-face operations at least I'm hoping. Who knows what sucker punch might come around the corner and you all more me well enough to know that I'm not much of a pessimist to think that something else is going to intervene before we get back to anything else normal. Already it sounds like the Covid 19 is beginning to mutate and evolve in the something else. On the face of this new piece of evolution there saying that symptomatically does not seem to be much different than the original Covid like I said I'm used to a sucker punch somewhere.

Hopefully tomorrow there will not be a lot of snow. Maybe I can get out and do a few things together some experiences encourage within myself something to write about other than the cold weather, screen time and the stupid virus and political dumpster fire that continues to burn…

Dream A Little

 

Do you remember that movie “Inception” where the scientists are deep into dream theory and dream study? How they had to carry a fob in their pocket that if they found themselves in a situation they weren't sure whether they were in the dream are not the fob would somehow let them know they were in a dream. It's a pretty good show I guess it would be in the realm of science fiction at the very least it certainly raises a lot of interesting ideas. What's interesting is like how these characters also been found themselves in the middle of a dream not really sure how they got there or what is happening.

I can so identify with that concept of all of the sudden I will be in a dream state and not really sure how I got there. A good example was the other morning when I woke I remember the dream I was at some sort of media function, a conference or ceremony for people who produce video products or movies are whatever. I found myself at this event, I kind of think it was in like Park city or place like that, and I felt totally insecure because I didn't belong there. I felt people would find out that I was a fraud and I was under false pretense to be at this event. I liked being there and I really wanted to be taken seriously and incredibly but I knew this couldn't be. Eventually, thank goodness, I woke safely in my bed totally relieved that it was just a dream. It would be great to have some control over something like this that you could manipulate and then this phenomenon to meet your needs or entertainment. Years ago when I first started working in psychology are trained under a clinical psychologist named David Fixx, that was really his nine, he worked for Ada County Mental Health. Fixx was my clinical advisor I assisted running a group therapy session on Tuesday afternoons. Fixx was interested in dream manipulation and I suppose he is the individual got me thinking in this direction as well. Needless to say, I really never done anything clinical or significant in this area but I like to think about the concepts every once in a while on waking early morning from such a weird experience.

It's the day after Christmas and already I'm getting excited about the lengthening of the days and getting ready to begin a new year. I don't think I'll do anything as sophomoric as actually writing down resolutions and such (sure means to failure and feelings of inadequacy) but I want to focus on working on myself in a lot of areas. I want to lose weight, increase strength, work more my art and in general be more creative. Who knows maybe even dream more and fail less…

Training Watching

 

This morning soon after waking, I realized th

at Christmas was nearly over. I was pretty groggy I was quite surprised even though I did got to bed by 11:38 PM. I didn't sleep all that will was awake at 4:15 AM and really didn't get much sleep after that. As I lay in bed I got the first buzzing of excitement of three contemplation of the new year. Except for whatever visitations I might receive today which probably would be by son and family I pretty much look to be alone. That's okay I really don't mind. I don't really have to dress up, go anywhere and visit. As with Thanksgiving I have enough to keep me busy for this day. I did make some Internet contacts through Facebook and chat/texting. I made the bed, coffee and then got dressed.

NPR is all about some Christmas stuff but they too were focusing on the new year. I've heard this year characterized many ways the past couple of days as we near years end. The descriptor I like best has been dumpster fire. That gives me such a visual but I don't necessarily understand why that's considered such a betrayal of the year. But I sure like the imagery. Granted the pandemic has been scary as hell and everything associated with pandemic specifically the economic downturn and the election. Well, election is kind of a light in the tunnel I just hope the light is not to train. After I heard one commentary on the “dumpster fire” I got to thinking all the above really I don't have it so bad. In fact under pretty darn good. I have to admit I am a little frightened about running into somebody or something with the virus and me trying up dead before I know what's going on. That would really be my dumb luck. I just have to be careful and don't do anything stupid. I miss my movies not being open,and I really do miss not being with people like going out to restaurants just hang out in groups not that I did that a lot but just knowing that I could wish is not being able to. I'm okay economically if the government does not fail in Social Security disappears… Then I am big trouble but so what everybody else as we are seeing. I don't know what I would do if I have to be homeless. I hear some people indicate that if that were to happen, being homeless, it would be just like what's happening to so many other people in this country. Hopefully, we Social Security folks are not going to go there anytime soon but we'll see this new year maybe by the end of this week.

Deep down I think this is going to be a good year. I think it's going be better than last year, I hope. I don't want to say how could it get any worse (that's what we've been saying since before the election) and then almost immediately have it get worse. I'm holding my breath with the rest of the country praying that this change in administration is going to bring the light at the end of the tunnel that's not a locomotive rushing at us at full throttle, but the bright light of a new year…

Out Of Reach

 

I couldn't help it. Not like I was hoping for yet another Christmas miracle but I wandered back over to the market's afternoon just to make sure had a few things for Christmas Eve and tomorrow Christmas day. I need to get one of those money cards you know a greeting card that has got slots in the backor you can stick a card or a currency bill of some sort. I needed one for my home health worker tomorrow. She is scheduled to be here on Christmas. I can't do much for her but hopefully a little cash never hurts. I like to give cash as opposed to Amazon cards or one of those Bank cards or some other kind of gift card. I feel you can always use cash.

Before I left for the market stopped but my neighbor across the hall asked if I needed to pick up anything for her. She's like 80 and has been sort of sick this week. I usually ask her if she needs me to pick her up anything when I go to the market. She gave me a list and off I went. I know this is tacky but I just went all out impulse buying. A party size bag of crinkle chips, another bottle of hot mustard, 4 pounds of grapes (they are on sale), two boxes of snack crackers and some ship dip mix. Picked up a few other things but I can't remember what they were but this was kind of my Christmas gift to me. Alas, no one opted to pay for this go around but I figured I'd been blessed enough. I wish my favorite checkers Merry Christmas and headed home. One of the items my neighbor asked me to pick up with some kind of yogurt derivative that you drink and it's good for you or something. it's sold in the yogurt section I guess, dairy section to be accurate. Of course, the drink was on the very tiptop shelf. People are busy on Christmas Eve in the last place you want to be shopping for the most part. People were rushing back and forth that took a while before I saw someone I thought might help and she did. She was happy to help. Seemed like all I did was ask people to hand-me-down things that were out of reach. I suppose it was a list of some sort.

My brother just stopped by dropped off a Christmas Eve meal then my Christmas presents. A new set of reaching hooks I'm excited. I don't think one can have enough hooks. I have closed the door nowturned on the lights turned up the heat and go up on me and eggnog and watch Christmas videos is after all “a lot like Christmas…PS. I just sneezed twice! What if, just what if somewhere today I contacted Covid 19. That would be just my luck and don't serve me right for being out as much as I have lately. However, for my mask I've been good. Luckily, I can still taste so I think I'm okay but still you watch and see if I have any other symptoms

A Tale Of To Glass Houses

 

One of my favorite excursions each Christmas season is my journey to the local Glasshouse or state liquor store. Where the minor blessings I experienced moving to the Taylorsville area, on Redwood Road, was the fact that the bus line has 15 minute service on weekdays and stops right by the Sizzler on about 3500 South Redwood Rd. which by chance is also on the same block as the state liquor store. Making the Redwood Road liquor store, very easy access.

For longest time I didn't imbibe however, during the second marriage I began and with that began my trips to the liquor store usually around the holiday season. My partner in the second marriage introduced me to serious drinking, the kind you would use a liquor store for. Fortunately however she did most of the purchasing and I rarely visited the store myself. However in the last marriage we still rarely use liquor but would get a bottle now and then usually at the Christmas time and usually from the Murray liquor store. This is when I would usually pick up whatever we were going to use. And I was so impressed the first Christmas that I went to the liquor store I found true Christmas spirit (excuse the pun). I'm sure I have written about this visit somewhere in this blog. The folks in that store were just happy. I mean, slap your fellow patron on the back happy wishing them a Merry Christmas even though you seem to only see them this time a year, at the liquor store. Most totally surprised Been blown away at the amount of liquor people were purchasing. They are actually filling their trunks completely and some were actually filling the backs of their pickup trucks. I am so naïve even now. In my experience in any given holiday season to just one liquor store in Utah multiply this by all the liquor stores in Utah or Idaho and then United States and then the world! Holy cow. I guess I must consider that in some locales outside the state of Utah people to actually purchase liquor and wine at grocery stores. How civilized is that? I was quite surprised when I returned to the liquor store after a five or 10 year hiatus and found that they no longer sold many bottles. But still .kind of bums me out as many times are really need is a couple ounces I don't need a whole bottle. So anyway, I was just totally impressed at how happy a place the memory liquor store was.

In contrast my trip to the Redwood Road liquor store, still an adventure: was not as happy my previous trips in the Murray facility.. I'm even surprised at how juvenile I was when I told the bus driver as I off the bus I was headed to the Sizzler steakhouse and even rolled into the parking lot to give the impression that that's where I was headed. On entrance to the Glasshouse everyone it seemed turned look at me like a stranger coming into Long branch saloon From Gunsmoke. If there'd been a honky-tonk piano playing in the background it would've stopped. But rolled straight forward saying hi to number two people ended up at fine wines at the back. But I guess it only makes sense there are a lot of minority folks in this building. The lot of folks on cell phones wandered around. A lot of couples and need a lot of kids I mean like toddlers and older. One mother kept having to put bottles of hard liquor away that one kid kept bringing up to her. I'm sure a lot of labels look very attractive. My experience at the store was just different. I never did find the eggnog by myself and had to ask one the store personnel who fell below the very tiptop of the shelf. I spent the next 15 minutes in line, a very long line waiting to get out so I could go home and begin my Christmas celebrations…

Christmas Miracle Again

 

It's nearly Christmas and I'm excited after all Christmas is Christmas. I must confess I'm a bit cynical I'm a bit cynical about everything so Christmas is a major target just the same. Having written that I think deep down I'm also a Christmas romantic. Perhaps the most pleasurable concept I have is that at Christmas everything is possible the good and the bad. Like everything else it's how we view the glass half-full or half-empty right?

I've learned that typically going to be alone at Christmas and really that's not bad. When people ask me “what are you going to do for Christmas?” I'm a bit at a loss because my gut reaction is to be truthful and say I'll probably be by myself. Especially this year with the pandemic it's a little bit more simple because people think I'm just being victim of the pandemic. But still when I say thatI will be by myself they panic like what we do for the sport civil guy? Luckily for me the just blow it off after I try to ensure to them I'm good be just fine. I get a Christmas morning make coffee, rollaround the kitchen the apartment. This'll be of course after my home health person has come and gone. Oh, that's right Christmas falls on one of my home health daysAt least I will have a shower Christmas morning and perhaps that's the best gift of all. So I know I will see one person that day even if it is a quasi-employee. This year I struggled with what to do about the Christmas dinner. As you know I tend to live in her fantasy world which is a cross between a Norman Rockwell painting and Waltons (the TV show). So to that end I tried to have everything I've always desired to have over the holidays.

I have cocoa, I have fresh coffee, I I have ham Ready to go if I needed, I have bacon if I'm energized to the point of bacon and eggs for breakfast or deli meat cold cuts. To make sure I had everything last night I went to the market and indeed I did get roast turkey ½ pound, hot mustard and Chinese hot sweet mustard, I thought about doing a prime rib roast this Christmas but you know after Thanksgiving I've decided to go the easy route so I got to beautiful prime rib steaks. I believe this will give me enough leftovers that I would just happy as a clam. I got a lot of other incidental items fresh fruit especially bananas. I wandered towards the checkout line and found one with only one person ahead of me halfway through their checkout. Oddly this was a lady who actually reached for something which is too high for me to get. I'm sure she was all filled with the Christmas spirit for helping the disabled guy. I wasn't really paying too much attention I was just trying not to do any impulse buys as I looked at the candy bars. I had so much stuff in my basket I could hardly hefted up to the checkout stand in fact the guy behind me and it uplifting up the basket. Christmas cheer filled the air I could sense of. I can almost smell the mixture of peppermint and Evergreen. Also, I heard the checkout lady and the lady in front of me talking about how wonderful the season as and instances of people paying things forward for other folks. Then the second of their Christmas Altruistic revelry She turns to me then turns back to the checker and says I will pay for his basket… And she did. And you know what? I didn't even put up a resistance, not even a faux resistance. Whom I direct somebody else was Christmas? Guiltily I wish that I'd thrown the $53 prime rib roast in the basket instead of the stakes are doubled up a lot of the other stuff I purchased one item of. Once again cynic that I am, alone that I will be I look Acknowledge another Christmas miracle…

Bread On The Rug

 

I shouldn't be so petty, I hate being this petty but I guess I'm just who I am. This morning when I opened the door to head out I almost ran over a loaf of bread. This is not a surprise actually especially this time a year. I wondered if it was the English lady who lives at this facility. Marjorie. She does a lot of bread baking or has in the past. There is a time when she was living miniature loaves of bread all over the building it seemed like. Bread I think in some ways is the calling card of the Christian. I was chagrined however this loaf of bread was not from the local Christians as I kind the surmised it was from the local Mormon ward. In this particular case the Mormon 10^th ward. All up and down the hall was a clone of this loaf or perhaps my loaf was a clone of that loaf. Seriously, do they think that I'm going to believe that the good sisters of the 10^th Ward slaved hard to produce these loaves? I mean I've made bread. There is a period where I made bread and free week, handmade at least four loaves to to for the family and two to give away. (See I'm guilty as well of passing the bread… No pun intended). Now there's no way I can prove this but each of these lows is so perfectly made, and perfectly wrapped in its little plastic bag with the printed tag that you could tell – – the least I could tell – – but these are contract loaves. I believe some local in-store bakery got the contract to produce 300 loaves – – maybe more that the going for a whole stake – – baked and putting the bags that I the elders quorum or the relief Society then stuck in the notes at the very end before they were delivered.

Like I said, I hate being so petty. It took me a bit of time to figure out a way to pick up a loaf of bread, outside my door, are used by handy-dandy folding dustpan that I use for everything that needs to be picked up off the floor which will fit into the dustpan. The loaf is fairly large and not sliced. I suppose this offers a bit of authenticity to the loaf of uncut bread but to me just another challenge of having to cut something that quads are not meant to cut. This is what used to drive me crazy as a kid my mom was in her bread baking cycle. And cut bread is never quite the same from one slice to the other and just does not do well as sandwich material. By the time I sandwich as we get to school the only thing keeping the bread together in some form of sandwich was the appeal of butter and jelly do attach to the crumbs. In my estimation the only thing homemade bread is good for his breakfast toast and soup enhancers.

Here I am your Christmas cynic, I really do love the season I love everything about the season especially the giving just not bread on the industrial scale as practiced by the Taylorsville 10^th …

Christmas Chaos

 

Yesterday, I was feeling magnanimous so I decided to reach out to my newly found younger brother Ed. A couple times we've actually spent time on face messaging getting to know each other. Like I said yesterday was feeling pretty open and I thought I would have a conversation with him over the Internet. I sent a message asking whether you'd like to get together for a short coffee. I sent the message off and got no response when on with my day. This morning however I got a call back indicating if I want to do it today and I said sure. (I'm getting sidetracked here this is not what I want to post about). Just not to leave you hanging we did get together and had a fruity good discussion.

The point I want to make is that whether it's video messaging or zoom or whatever you're using when you visit with somebody else they are seen not only you but the world behind you usually. If I'm using the big computer then the individual is seen my work desk and workstation quickly behind me and it's a mess right now. I can use the excuse that I have not had a regular cleaning person for a number of months now but that doesn't excuse the fact that my house is in chaos right now. Best excuse I do have however is that it's the Christmas season and I have “Christmas Chaos”.

My kitchen table is covered with not only the regular fruits and vegetables emanating from the basket on the table but also various Christmas gifts found outside my door are in the mailbox that I've opened up on the table. Right now there's this hideous candy nut tray which I think I wrote about yesterday. In that area behind me is my writing area and drafting area. All my drawing tablets and bookmark making equipment and other various art projects reside there let alone envelopes, bags of Christmas cards and various books and other items. Usually there's a bit of control or order to the chaos and doesn't look necessarily messy rather creatively artistic. Sometimes when I do is zoom call a go to the bedroom right with the bed and can either put the camera on my secretary aimed at the bed which looks fairly decent or vice versa many times my secretary is relatively neat and looks okay behind me. But now days this Christmas season there's a mess everywhere nothing safe. So if I do assume meeting or a regular just video message I have to live with the chaos behind me. I was visiting with Dianne last night and she thought looked good. I'm going to accept that at face value but really I need to put some order to my chaos. Not to be critical but I end up seeing what's behind people now would be posted videos are they video message. It's okay I don't judge in fact kind of glad that I'm not the only one in the world that's going to Christmas chaos right now. Christmas cards, wrapping presents, searching for scotch tape and everything else that goes with the season leads to seasonal entropy. I don't try to fight it knowing that'll just continue till the great day comes in the next great day of the new year and then maybe order will come in 21…

Wreck-it Mark

 

I don't know if was a new batteries are the fact that it was Saturday and I could sleep late if I wanted to whatever the reason I think I woke at 4 AM and never really got back to sleep. I finally drug myself out of bed around 6 AM and surprisingly did not feel half bad. Made in this the kitchen making breakfast but after all it's Christmas week! I cannot believe it Christmas 2020 it's almost here.

Remember how I always describe myself as sort of a Wreck-it Ralph? Well, I still have the touch. Like I said I was excited I really wanted to get out and put some miles on the batteries and let them expend some energy so I can continue the “learning process” breaking my new batteries in. They say it takes about six times of using the batteries and recharging them for the batteries begin the learner cycle process. Don't ask me I just am doing what the battery guy says. We are kind of in and in between day so the weather is supposed to be pretty nice. Whether did look nice, the sun was out but I have to admit I was cold not too bad however and I really don't think were in long pants and make that much difference as opposed to going out in my shorts however that doesn't seem to be the case for the general public. The seemingly nice-looking lady looked at me and came out and said “you really need to wear long pants if your legs fall below a certain temperature you could be in big trouble…”. This is the kind of remark super villains make, if only I could turn into one. I just nodded and smiled and she eventually turned back into waiting in line for checkout. Unbelievable. I did something today I rarely do I cut a proud of myself. Because Dianne remind me where the towel rack I had in the back of my closet I was able take the towel rack I purchased from Ross's the other day, back to the store for refund or possibly to exchange for something else I had in mind. Historically, I would just end up keeping the purchased rack and probably throw it to the back of my closet or under my bed and be out the $17. The only problem was I forgot that it was Christmas week and everybody in her duck was also at Ross's doing the same thing. The line for refunds will caucusing for the 5 o'clock news at a Covid station. I was somewhat impressed how fast the folks for processing the refunds.

Like I said, it didn't take long for the 10 or so people in front of me to get their refunds. I grabbed my cash stuffed in my wallet and went back to the shopping floor to see if I can find the hot cups I'd seen last time I was here. I was surprised I could not find them anywhere so I thought perhaps I go back to T.J. Maxx and see what they had and sure enough my cups were there. Ross's and T.J. Maxx been a low-end shopping store is totally packed not only with shoppers but with merchandise it's everywhere. Sure enough, there comes Mark a.k.a. Wreck-it Ralph as it turned the corner on one of the isles my back wheels cut the corner of a tower stacked merchandise. I don't remember what I didn't even see them I just heard the whole pile come crashing down. I wish I'd stopped and turned and taken a picture of it, the mess I created but I just powered on and found the cups I've been looking for. I sheepishly broad in the horrendous line in 10 minutes later left T.J. Maxx heading straight home in the cold sunlight of this late autumn afternoon almost winter…

Ain't Getting Any Younger

 

I cannot believe I've been at this place four years now – – I'm going into my fourth Christmas at Plymouth view Apartments. I guess that makes this my home may be my last home. I always marvel at how strange things are at the beginning and how they change. When the personalities I was most intrigued with when I moved in here was a big guys wherever one called “Jimmy”. There were two gyms here at the facility then one was part of the resident assistants and one was Jimmy. It was a big guy and Jimmy speaks the Brooklyn accent. He seems to always wear Levi's and a black T-shirt and puts very peculiar, least of my view is that he's always carrying a copy of the Wall Street Journal. I thought he was some Wall Street Mogul. He seemed like a nice guy with the limits. He attended the Thursday coffee group off and on but didn't really participate. Jim is going deaf or has been going deaf since I've known him. As one of the few males at this facility we tended to bond, kind of, sort out of necessity.

Over the course of the years I've gotten to know that 1.Jimmy does not like to be called “Jimmy” he likes Jim. I believe the women at this apartment complex is somewhat intrigued by Jim and they tend to push their brand of familiarity on the guy by trying to psychological castrate him or reduce them to a child with the child's name Jimmy. Somehow I believe this makes him less frightening for a lot of the ladies here. Jim is pretty much brushed it off knowing he's never going to change. I still don't know exactly what he's done in his life for an occupation. Like I indicated earlier he speaks with a Brooklyn accent I had this vision him being some kind of a longshoreman working the streets in the Hells kitchen being the young top in New York city. He was there when the the towers fell (I think I've written about this before somewhere in the early blogs). He wasn't near the catastrophe but he was in the city when it happened – – for some reason this impresses me. We've gotten to know each other over the years not close by think we like each other, we respect each other and tolerate each other maybe because we don't get into each other's business very much. Perhaps that's best

Yesterday, I was heading out to go get my batteries, pre-snowstorm, before I left the building are rolled up to the front to check my mail. Jim was waiting at the door. I thought someone was coming to pick him up for lunch or something and I made comment as much but no, Jim is waiting for the truck from RC Willey department store. He was having a reclining easy chair delivered. I was impressed. Then shared with me he had a $1600 mattress delivered last week. He then added he was getting a big screen TV after the holidays. I asked him if he'd done well in Wendover (local gambling Mecca two hours to the West Salt Lake just over the border in Nevada) or something. Jimmie smiled and said no. He said he had a little money he's been holding onto said he recently realized it was pretty stupid and that he didn't spend it soon he may not have a chance (Jimmy's a good 80 years old if not older if, I am a day).in fact that's what he said,"I figure I'd better spend it all I got it I ain't getting any younger"…

Bus Ride To Power

 

How does it get to be Thursday already?! I know I talk about the fluidity of time too much especially as my time on this earth becomes less and less but still the passage of time or the celebrated passage of time at this point my life continues to fascinate if not terrify me.

It's 8:53 a.m. and I'm killing time waiting for the clock To get Andcloser to 10 AM when I can show up at the UATP shop at the end of Redwood Road to have to batteries installed in my power chair. I had hoped to have been in the office by now. When I was searching for batteries for this chair of mine earlier in the week I turned to these guys, who up worked with a lot in the past as a possible option. You think they would be a bit more professional having served the public as long as they have but I still get the impression the flying by the seat of their pants. I know this to some degree because I'm part of the advisory board which developed this program.

The UATP shop is open Tuesdays and Thursdays each week which totally under serves this area but I understand. The manager actually commutes between Logan Utah in Salt Lake on those days. What is said that's kind of shame for everyone involved. Anyway, when you call to do the answering machine which indicates they are open from 8 AM to 5 PM so I was expecting to be there at 8 AM. Why so early? Because when I made the commitment to purchase the batteries I also needed someone to put them in the seemed reluctant but I kept the pressure up until finally the indicated that I be there when they opened they would squeeze me in. So I agreed to be there at 8 AM after all that's what it says on their answering machine but then Robert/Stacy indicated that “no” we do not open until 10 AM. So, I don't want to be there early and have to wait outside in the elements. Fortunate for me the shop assistant on the street from my apartment complex 40 some streets. It's a straight line shot and I should have well enough battery power to get there. I'm totally hoping I run into no other problems.

Of course snow and rain is forecast for today but hopefully the weather forecaster indicates this will be later in the day and I hope to be home well before the precipitation begins. I would like to still make it to T.J. Maxx, or Rosses or some other weird little store like that which may have apartment type furniture. I'm looking for one of those towel racks you know something with pegs that you can hang your towels onto. I destroyed the tall rack I currently have in the bathroom and I've gotten permission from management to replace the towel bar with the towel rack. I've been holding off because to get to be stores would be a dangerous drain on my batteries. Now, with better batteries I can get back part of my life. Now I'm waiting for the vaccine And it's closer than ever before…

Christmas Box

 

What a beautiful day to be out and about. Today I had lunch with my old buddy Dennis Ward, of written about Dennis before were from the same ecclesiastical grouping oddly enough referred to as a ward. We were supposed to have this lunch earlier in the week but because of a host of things we postponed until the day and it was perfect. We had lunch at Dee's restaurant a family restaurant chain in Utah. I like the place a lot of my colleagues don't for some reason I've never figured out why unless it's political. Dee's does cater to a fairly conservative crowd. The staff is old home types, the juices call you “Honey” when they take your order and they charge you coffee by the cup and not the carafe is a do across the street at the rival place Village Inn. Actually I think I've written about this before so enough said. I just enjoyed getting out and hanging around other folk.

I was feeling pretty good literally no pain in my butt and for the first time in a couple weeks I did not feel it risk powering my chair the couple blocks to get to the restaurant. Before I left the apartment I called UATP office and found I could actually procure a couple of batteries for my chair at substantially less price than I could for my wheelchair shop. I've been kind of worried but I felt I could cover the expense even with Christmas. I'm grossly limited on how far he can range during the day or night. Now is spending all my time charging my chair. I'll be going into theUATP shop and have them install the batteries in my chair. I'm kind of excited now I can start the process of ordering my new chair six months earlier than I anticipated. I did get approval from the insurance company that they would purchase new batteries for my chair but it were interested in my wait time six months before I could commence the process for ordering a new chair for that far ahead in the game… Christmas miracle number two.

Interesting enough when I got home there is a box in front of my apartment door. The Christmas box and oddly enough from UATP. I sit on their advisory board I have done so for years. There was the last state type agencies that provide a lunch at our meetings that we have four times a year. Traditionally, U ATP provided the board with a pretty nice Christmas present. And you all know how shallow I am lunches and holiday tributes guide my altruistic involvement in volunteer programs. I was expecting nothing this year since we did not in person due to the Covid 19 pandemic. I just figured the annual Christmas gift would not be happening so imagine my excitement when I saw the return address be in Logan Utah or Utah State University where U A T P originates. I really have no protocols as far as holding a package from a state agency until Christmas morning. I find this especially true when the gift is from a government agency. I immediately got the package on the table in my kitchen and opened it up and it was a nice little grab box of what looks like a state tourist package for Logan Utah. Pecan bar, chocolate Christmas tree, plain chocolate, many mixed nuts salted a very nice gift of calories and joy. I probably should have waited but I sampled some of the salted nuts watching volume 2 Guardians Of The Galaxy G O TG. Pretty excited to have this little treasure trove to feast on little by little all through Christmas season…

Birthdays

 

Paul 1957 looking tough

Two birthdays today both of which are major in my book. My younger brother Paul, who is five years younger than me and my granddaughter Jasmine who is a heck of a lot younger than me. My brother Paul fascinates me he always has. He is magic in his own way. I thought he was an interesting kid you always seem to be doing something with his hands. He had a great brain for the figuring things out. One of my favorite family stories is how when Paul was when he was either four or five figured out how to start the little international cub tractor we owned and drove the tractor and hay wagon almost all the way into the barn from out in the hay fields. He almost killed himself by sliding down the hay rack again when he was very small. He cut his head up pretty bad from that adventure. We had a weird ability with his hands sort of like the “bolt and nut whisperer”. He had the uncanny ability to work and not free using this fingers, again this is just when he was a little guy probably before he was eight or nine. Sadly, I was so involved with myself and Paul came around I was about six years old but I really didn't pay as much attention to he and his younger sister as I probably should. My older brother and I were kind of a team and we could of treated the younger kids a lot better than we did one of the many things I'm sure I will repent of at some point in time.

Sounds kind of mean but when Paul entered school I was about in junior high I sort of lost contact with him entirely as he began first grade. I wish now I had spent more time with them. I've always been amazed at his ability to work hard and make money and bring about his dreams. I'm so impressed that he and his wife own construction company (maybe more for all I know) in Idaho which is very successful. He builds mansions out of nothing at all. We're not as close as we once were or maybe we never were and I just thought we were. We visit sometimes either messaging are actually on the phone. We come together when there is a family reunion and I suppose funerals if and when they happen. But we live miles apart and go years between seeing each other. I think were even distant politically this last decade has been very bizarre on the political front. But like me Paul's now an old guy working at just staying alive…

Today is also Jasmine's birthday. I wish I knew her better for one reason or another we have not had much time together. I think that'll change for some reason the next couple years granted that I am gifted with a longer life. I'm lucky enough to see her three or four times a year usually around national holidays, Father's Day (she usually comes along with Mark Anthony when they stop in to visit for the day). It's exciting because she's becoming fully adolescent and losing that childhood shyness but some kids have around their grandparents. I may be speaking too soon but I think we are beginning to connect and that's kind of exciting. As I said Jasmine is deep and adolescence with all the storms and stress that adolescence brings everyone involved except grandparents… Usually. I look forward to being part of her life in some way with the days I have left.

Anyway, happy birthday you to and many more…

Leave' EM Happy

 

I think one of the most poignant thoughts I've had over the last week with the death of my first wife has been the need to plan out a little bit better what's going to happen after I kick. I could no longer ignore the inevitable. It was interesting last evening after the remembrance I met with my kids with the assistance of video messaging talking about the events of the day. Half jokingly I remarked that a disregarded it started because I'm next. Everybody kind of laughter looked at each other Mark and shell looked at each other and Mark indicated yet we don't talk about that which immediately took me back a little bit. I didn't are tried not letting to show of course but yeah I can imagine they probably have been after a split second I thought that's cool but let it drop right there.

Some of the things I'd like to do make sure that in that topsy-turvy, helter-skelter, quasi-I trauma related couple of days following the deceased's last bow the matter how much you are aware the end is coming when the end comes whole bunch of things shift into gear and have to be taking care of quickly. What are we going to do? Who are we going to call? Who's going to put together a life sketch? Who's going to put together the photographic slideshow? Where the photographs? Who had them last? How long slideshow better be? What kind music would dad want on the slideshow? I really liked the way this remembrance turned out. The remembrance certainly was not the stuffy, over religious, control event of most funerals that I can remember. The sad, solemn faced, participants wishing to be anywhere where they were. I hope for the time comes we put together contribute not necessarily to me but to all the people who helped me be me.

It's taken me a long time to get the point of accepting or agreeing to be cremated, cremation just seems like the right thing to do on so many different levels. So, once we do the cook and grind timing is not so essential. If I kick and not winter we could wait until spring or summer months a lot nicer to deal with any and everything. There be no having to lug a corpse around as opposed to a jar of ashes to be scattered by a selected few. Luckily, my granddaughters are talented and might possibly perform a couple of pieces of favorite music from the good old 60s. Perhaps, they might slow the tempo down a bit but I hope the feeling and excitement the music evokes will be there. Maybe we'll even have a bouncing ball and lyrics on a screen the possible karaoke funeral. Yes indeed, this has promise. Luckily I have already put together a number of images when I scanned all of my picture albums onto the hard drive so Shelley and or Mark or whoever we'll just have to cut and paste for the slideshow.

Talks cheap and so is writing so having put this down in the written form and publish to my blog all you faithful readers will be able to know and see if I put any of these thoughts in the practice. All I can sayI just want to … “go to the place of the best”…

Gone Pecan

 

I thought the funeral for my ex-wife Karen/Shannon was supposed to been yesterday but then I found it was actually to be today and it was. It was very do-it-yourself which I'm rather proud the kids did. The kids of course being Mark Anthony and Shelley. Mark Anthony of course has the skills and the technical department and Shelley has the skills to ramrod everything through make things get done and get done on time or at least on schedule between the both of them they pulled off. Granted, the event started a little bit later than anticipated which was okay for me entirely because I had gotten involved in something else right up to the 2 o'clock hour. I thought my system was also the presume and it would be just a matter of punching the identified area on the document Mark Anthony sent me which I thought was over “Messaging” and when I went to login I could not find the link anywhere. I thought sure I had seen the message reference on Gmail and I thought perhaps I deleted the link by mistake. Every day or so I get so many pieces of spam I just automatically go through and delete anything I don't recognize. I know had I seen the link I would not have zapped it but it wasn't there anywhere I was getting worried. I finally did find a link on my son's Facebook page which took me to Zoom itself but I cannot link up to the information that wanted “room number”. I was actually sorted getting panicky that I might miss the whole event but about 13 minutes after two something happened and all the sudden I was in the event. In my defense, I think this was just when they got around to turning on the cameras for the Zoom process took a few more minutes before everybody's home camera was muted and they began the event.

Mark Anthony was definitely the face of the operation. He was trying to act as emcee and tech guru at the same time I got to be a little bit challenging but one off okay. It was a bit different than traditional funerals for the soft on the invocation and benediction but there is very little if no religious influence on this operation which is good, I think that's what Karen/Shannon wanted. There are about 20 to 40 people who would tune in during the course of the function. It was interesting to see who is all there but isn't that typical for funerals to see who actually showed up? I was pleased at the showing even more so I was pleased at the readings and musical numbers provided by my granddaughters. Mark Anthony and shall both had great remarks and very emotional times but it was all good. There is even a holiday flavor because the way the camera was set up that got a portion of the Christmas tree offset by wood paneling on the walls looked really only an cozy I believe Karen would've been satisfied with the efforts that everyone is put in. I chose not to make any comments from the microphones were allowed to be turned on just as I did not at my aunt Elaine's recent funeral. I just quietly clicked the exit button was gone remarkably just the way we are down here is it not? One moment you are here in the next moment you're not. Life is just transition…

Grounds In My Coffee

 

I had two topics Sometime today I just cannot remember what they are. It seems that I had the ideas when I was dashing across the street this morning to pick up coffee at the coffee shop. I have a love-hate relationship with this place. I really like the owner seems like a real good old buddy kind of guy. I wish I knew his history I bet it would be fascinating. Saturday mornings (in my opinion) is kind of dangerous at this place. The Twin Peaks coffee shop is quite the little pocket of conservatism in my neighborhood. I can't believe how many people should appear on Saturday mornings and talk Trump in politics. The coffee shop has a big screen TV in the corner is always on Fox news. I didn't get to the coffee shop till almost 12 o'clock this afternoon. That's pretty late because this place shuts down at 2 o'clock on Saturdays (I cannot believe the hours of this joint I still never forgiven them for not being open at least for Sunday morning) so this kind of deserted. I kind of planned it this way figuring that most of the 12 people would be out of there by then. The owner of the shop, my friend, does not work on When his son and I think daughter-in-law are in charge. When I came in I got in line there are two people ahead of me one was engaged in the heavy-duty conversation with the owner's son. I wasn't sure quite what the conversation was about but it didn't take me long to figure out it was about something to do with the outgoing administration and the Biden administration which will be taking over in less than a month. They're talking about losing protections they had as a small business under the trust administration that they would be burdened with in the new administration. In fact the kid was talking about having to shut the whole operation down because he could not afford to keep in business with the new financial constraints are more liberal government would put on his operation. I sure hope I heard this wrong. I certainly got the feeling from the coffee shop guy that he couldn't win for losing that no matter what he did he couldn't survive partially because of the pandemic and partially of the new administration coming in. I'm not quite sure how the ownership of this property is figured out. I'm sure that my friend the old guard it really runs the shop in the morning is the main owner but I think somehow he hasn't worked so is kid (S) might also be some kind of owners in the operation. I'm hoping the kid just talk into his hat and things just keep going on as usual but I got a chill that things will be changing one where the other and very soon. My talk to the owner couple months ago or maybe late summer seems like now I was surprised at how well he was doing. Even though for a while until late summer it didn't even do “drink in coffee”. You can call ahead of time and they would bring coffee out to you to your vehicle they even indicated at one time I were to call they would run the coffee over to my apartment which I've never done. He told me what kept his business going was coffee contracts he had with the number of companies and operations around the city. I don't know if things are gotten bad for him because so many small shops, restaurants and other facilities have shut down, maybe they are in desperate straits I hope not. But I was okay for this afternoon effect is luckier than usual. By the time I get there the guy from the food bank swoops by and credit picks up there on sold donuts. There were donuts left over in fact there was still two maple bars I bought them both or maybe they threw in for free I'm not sure because when I paid for my coffee seemed lite I didn't spend too much thinking about it I just grabbed a black bag of goodies and zoomed out for the rednecks found me…

Another Time Another Place

 

I've really been quite surprised at the effect of the passing of my first wife, Karen. Oh I don't think I've told you guys but she passed away earlier this week. Like I said I'm surprised the passengers had such an impact on me nothing significant or life-changing just a feeling or awareness of what life could have been or might have been. Oddly, right now I'm involved in a lot of television series about alternate realities which makes me wonder how life could have been different in different realities. I've been in contact with both children and I think we've been using each other as sounding boards the process the passing. Besides my two kids there are two other kids Charles and James or Thing One and Thing Two. We are all family are blended Charles and James and my family really that usually take them all out on Kid Day. I'll have to check I think I have references to Kid Day somewhere else in this document If not I'll write about Kid Day in later posts.

Last night I visited with my daughter for about two hours helping her process the final days of moments with her mother. The event was quite emotional as I relived a lot of my life with Karen. Of course, Michelle had never really heard these stories before and I've never really thought about sharing them with her I did not know Karen had not shared any of these experiences with Michelle. Michelle's fascinated as I related the circumstances of our meeting in courtship and marriage in early life together and more pleasant times. I don't know if I'm now experiencing survivor's guilt or just guilt in general for a failed marriage. It was probably one that should never happened or one that we should not of tried to live a lifestyle that neither of us Really believed in.

Earlier this afternoon I had coffee with my next-door neighbor who had not seen all week because she's been ill. When I informed her of the passing of my first wife she inquired of the circumstances of our meeting as well and it was another documenting of our early history together. I find myself decompressing the little bit as I work through these histories and trying to shake the feelings of 40 some years off my back. Really kind of interesting.

Mark Anthony and my granddaughter, Jasmine, left yesterday to attend the funeral. Mark Anthony is going to try to facilitate Some kind of broadcast of what is going to pass as a funeral. I assume it will be a fairly small event with just a few of Karen siblings being able to attend as well as the kids only one is not going to be able to attend because he's in Japan teaching. I don't know if there'll be a time for testimony as in my late aunt Elaine's funeral which we had couple weeks ago but it will be interesting all the same and a feeling of closure. I hope Mark Anthony is able take some time with Michelle and process this event more thoroughly as well as be able to tie up loose ends and clean out last Karen's life of her little apartment. I guess I'll tune in for the event, I have a little anxiety as I contemplate but I'm fairly insulated with a couple hundred miles. The calling for snow tomorrow here in Salt Lake and perhaps that's best…

Mr. Tambourine Man

 

Del Taco has been running an ad recently for holiday tamales. I don't know when I developed a taste for this Hispanic delicacy I'm sure it began how I was in the service of' Neighborhood Help Services and as the holidays Came closer the Signoras brought our lunch every dayThey started including tamales. Handmade wonders wrapped in corn husks I love them. So when the local Hispanic fast food joint started advertising tamales I wanted to check them out and today I did.

I was all set to stay home today and actually cook. The apartment still looks pretty clean thanks to Melanie and for one reason or another I been jonesing for cookies. I usually have cookies in my little cookie box/container that either get from food bank are breakdown and purchase of the market I have not done either lately so I began ruminating about making a batch of cookies. With today being overcast today felt like a perfect day for cookies. The took forever to find the oats. I knew I had some but couldn't find them directly. Melanie's been doing such a good job of putting my apartment in order sometimes I think she gets a bit carried away but eventually I found the rolled oats. I knew I had some. I read the back of the container – – there is always a recipe for some form of oatmeal cookies on the back of the container even if it's not Quaker. Looks like I had everything except for shortening which I thought rather bizarre because I've never out of shortening. I mean I have one can of had it for some time. I use it mainly when I make cookies so it's only a couple times a year. But I cannot find anywhere level time low in the apartment so I figured okay it's a day to go over to the market. And I plan to hold myself very securely not overspend. I just needed shortening. As near as I can figure I have all the other ingredients I need even walnuts and raisins. Even though it looked cold I knew it was a perfect day for traveling in my chair.

You all remember I'm operating a chair that's questionable as far it's batteries are concerned. At only got about 3/10 of a mile this morning so I figured I had met charge to make it there and back again. So as a treat I took off. As I came to the intersection, across the street there is a individual that look like a tambourine Man but without the tambourine. He was animated standing at the corner making contact or trying to make contact with drivers as they came up to the stoplight to make a right turn or left turn just to turn. I don't know of using imploring them to provide him with a donation. When he was animated almost dancing each time the light turned. Across the street and I went past him I said “hi” and he responded “Hi” back. I could see he was startled will think anybody else had acknowledged his presence today. I zipped past admitted to Del taco. To my dismay it was no in-house dining but you could order and pick your order up and leave. At least I didn't have to rely on the drive-through. I was committed so I ordered two tamales for four dollars deal (which I don't think the deal at all but hey it's Christmas). I was curious as to what or how the tamales would come but they came not a small size novel large-size but I guess just the right size wrapped in tin foil. You got love anything that comes wrapped in tin foil especially if it's warm in my tamales were warm. Of course they stuck both tamales in the sack which just junk I have to get rid of. But, I decided rather than taking my two tamales back to the apartment (which would have to wait until after I finished shopping for shortening at the market) I would eat my tamales just outside the door before the door to the outside. I ate my first tamale and thought to myself why not give this to Mr. tambourine Man. I really didn't need to tamales actually I needed the good karma more. I finished wolfing down my treat them took off for the market. As I came to the intersection I greeted Mr. tambourine Man with a smile and handed him my bag. Mr. tambourine Man of course was confused at first but I said look I have a tamale inside and it's still warm. He looked at me and said “you need to have this” I think you saw me as more deserving competition than him but I assured him I was fine that I've had one tamale and I wanted him to have this one. He was delighted, confused and I could tell humbled. He said he did not have anything to give me for the tamale but I told him I didn't want anything but he insisted to give me something so he gave me a short story probably a parable but I could not understand him really except for whatever he was telling me delighted him probably as much as the food. I nodded my head as people do when confronting someone whose language they don't understand the just trying to accept. He finally finished his tale and I left actually feeling pretty darn good. It was then I realized I've experienced my first Christmas miracle of the season and suddenly the whole season changed as I got ready for Christmas…

PS when I bolted from my apartment over to the market I didn't even think to take my cell phone because it was going to be a just there and back again experience so I didn't get a picture of Mr. tambourine Man that I wish I had and I still may find one or get one if you still there on other days…