Fair Beware

Yesterday I went to the state fair! The reason I have this as being a big deal is because I wasn't going to go to the fair. I would've been much happier to stay home and be a recluse while the rest of the family went to the fair. In fact Saturday afternoon I was not going to go to the fair and I said as much. But as I thought about my statements and myself are kind of had a change of heart. Granted I still do not want to go there but there are those who would like to spend time with me at someplace like the fair. And I do like spending time with these people I call family didn't want to myself what a fool I am not to take advantage of something like this. So, I made the decision often fair is going to go the next day, Sunday.

I would like to blame the mood, my mood, on the that I had a poor night's sleep and I did. I nearly fell out of bed my legs somehow spasmed over the side of the bed. I spent a good part of the our early morning trying to pull myself back on the bed losing precious sleep hours. So I was a grump. I was hoping I would get a second wind carry me through as an honorable grandpa but that really didn't happen. Now mind you and my family goes to the fair it's an all day event we got There at about 10 am And begin to wander around fair. We checked out the animal barns which I can always do without. Since I was raised on a farm I've had my share of animals groomed or otherwise. Even if stalls are maintained in the air conditioners working the fact remains these animals were meant to be outside not inside where poop is poop No matter how many times you take poop out on a silver fair shovel. I don't like pigs unless they are on a plate the same with chickens And turkeys. Rabbits and pigeons Is just a waste of time unless you trying to kill time which which we did at the animal barns. We dined on fried food fair style were talking about corndogs, elephant ears with cotton candy. I could really tolerate this which is strange because I used to love fair food.. It was the only time you can get real corndogs but now the real corndogs are foot-long and cost $7.50.! I had a bite of one just isn't the same corndogs and used to be. I'm just not fun. Seems like we've been two or three times during the event. Yet ice cream, root beer and elephant ears. I have to confess I did purchase a couple bags of jerky at some point way overpriced but I think I will enjoy jerk.

Morning migrated into afternoon and it was time to subject the grandson to the amusement rides. This was his first real fair with real right and he took to it like a duck to water. We spent the next four or five hours watching them ride the Ferris wheel, bumper cars, A roller coaster thing and other rides I can no longer remember. He had a great and everybody else had a great and I suppose I get to in a grumpy grandpa sort of way. Nothing is more precious than time with family.

Rivers Of People – –Farmers Market

I had a pretty rough night, I tossed and turned couldn't get comfortable I couldn't slept very much But finally when daylight came and I could no longe force myself back to sleep No matter how hard I tried Dianne got me up and that felt pretty good – – much better than I should for the night that I spent. For some reason I was committed go to the farmers market today. I really like the idea of the farmers market, I have this vision of local neighbors bundling their produce together heading down to the park and having a stall where they could sell their goods. I am always somewhat dejected when I get to the park and find there are no neighbor selling your wares but professional farmer families Selling produce out of the back of their big trucks. So is not neighborhood Farmers statewide farmers. I don't know why if I think about it too hard I quickly become disenchanted and look for good reason to leave.

It's kind of weird, I got the market today after waiting for the bus which by the time that I got to the bus stop was running one hour headways. So, the market was pretty willful people when I got there, What I found in find really strange is that the vendors are in the exact same place they were last year in all the years before I've got to the farmers market. The bread vendors or Baker's were in their spot, the Dragon Lady and her melons were in her spot in the corner, Schmitz: truck of course was in that spot nothing to change. In fact I didn't even take pictures because they look exactly like the pictures I took last year and the year before. Even though it did not recognize anybody in the crowd I recognized everybody in the crowd. Lots of old folks, lots of old hippies, lots of serious young folks who wish they could have been hippies but now settle for food purists. Always amazed at the amount of Russians in the crowds. Walking around in a group talking Russian but looking like everyone else. The only thing I saw a change a little bit was the kids from the farms. You get to know them… Not know them but them They've grown a year just a little bit older. I always think about how much they probably hate being there giving up their weekends every fall to help out sell the family produce. They probably been strong-armed by parents who make deals with them are actually employ them. Like if they help out all year they will help purchase the vehicle the kid wants or more importantly help the kids a tuition the college purchased close in electronics for high school. It's the age-old story the kids are always indentured servants. The kids looked healthy and most of them actually looks sort of okay climbing into the truck bringing out watermelons, bags of corn boxes of tomatoes in all other items of produce.

Truth be told I wondered why I wanted to be there the second I got there. There are tons of people and dogs and kids everywhere.. I had to get into rivers of people flowing in one direction or another. It's not that great deal of food wise or moneywise it's just something to be which is good for me. What I needed so when I go somewhere on Monday and they ask you what I did this weekend I have something to tell “oh! I went to the Farmer's market and got some corn”. I will have to say all I didn't do anything just hung out. This is important. I did something I got up I got dressed for a bus to the farmers market and came back. Perhaps that's what it's all about being part of the flow of river people at the farmers market.

Like Really People Do…

Delet

Last night, Thursday night, quite frankly all day Thursday the day had been dreading for some time because of so much stuff we were thinking of doing. Friend of ours my wound care specialist Kevin got himself involved with a band, a rock 'n roll band. And last night they had their debut set a local bar called Liquid Joe's place and every gun before but often passed and was curious as to the layout. Dianne got to know Kevin couple years ago When I had or was experiencing some possibly serious decubitus Wounds on my butt. Kevin is a trained physical therapist who for one reason or another became a specialist wound care and I think He is one of the best specialists in the area. It a great deal of good by me and I sure won't support him. What is of interest is that in the time we knew him or have known Kevin is had a couple of spinal cord injuries himself one resulted in serious damage to his hand. So for Kevin to be playing guitar in a band is no small feat.

Thursday is the day I usually have my health care attendant over for the usual care and shower. Dianne really want to go to the debut of the Horse concert. So I made arrangements with the healthcare will and move my day of coverage from Thursday to Friday. It also happened Anakah had her volleyball game Thursday as well. I slept poorly the night before and I was quite tired All day and I was really kind of spooked on how I was going to deal with the day and the evening. However, we got through the volleyball game – games. Went home and rested a short while and actually got a second wind for the concert. Thank goodness Kevin sent for 8 PM any later would've been dead ducks.

We're pleased to see that we were not the oldest folks at the venue. It's hard to say how many of the people there were there to support Kevin from his professional side of the University Hospital there seem to be a lot of folks there to support him. The band was okay I think a little shaky in spots but I'm impressed that they put together and pulled off the event. They played for about an hour, mostly 80s music and there was even some folks dancing at the last Of this set. Reaction got home around 10:00 PM because of that actually. As little worried about how I would feel this morning since I wanted to an early workout and my brother would be here to give me a 6 AM but he came and I didn't work out and did pretty well it was a good evening and a good morning. I'm glad Dianne got me into really felt good being out among real people get after-hours living like real people do.

Really! It's About Time

You read right it is 9 September almost 2 weeks in the month and this is the first blog been able to produce. I'm just damn pathetic and I don't know if I'm going to get any better. I'm coming off off and almost two-week illness that has just really laid me low am totally surprised how devastated it made me to the point that I spent a whole weekend in bed and that really did not help that much or at least I do not think staying in bed did. Somehow along the line I went in and had some blood drawn and I was totally blown away by the results. The results indicated that I was anemic! Me anemic cannot believe it. Granted the last couple of weeks I have been bleeding a little bit pretty significant rectally and Dianne believes that might be the basis for my anemia whatever the case is I seem to have something significant. I finally was trying to push myself into getting back to how I was – – because I was literally too tired to go into Wellness – – and I went wellness on Friday, last and Alex sent me home indicating that I was too weak and I've indicated I was also dizzy. I'm sort of glad for that but still worries me. About a month ago I was in have blood drawn for a full workout in my hematocrit's came back A-OK so I don't know what is happened from that point to the point where it showed I was way low on my hematocrit and anemic. I can't believe it was just the rectum bleeding. It's kind of spooky though.

With the extra time however, I was able to work on letters and have the girls done and will have to get them out the next day or so. We've had an issue with the printer not being able to locate our computers or vice versa but now Dianne has got us back online and printing will be much better and more efficient. It still challenge to print with the printer in the old computer room I am thinking Of moving my laptop into the computer room so I'll be right there to do the printing and I need to have done i.e. printing envelopes for the mail. I think having my computer and the old computer room is better anyway not only from the standpoint of free enough space in the bedroom but also moving my computer out of the bedroom where I sleep and kind of relax and into the computer room where it will be functioning as a working piece of equipment for that room – – I know this is convoluted thinking about that sort of makes sense that whole Asian kind of thinking – – you know what I mean. I'm getting kind of excited about overtone and trying to figure out how best to use it. Once again if they don't let you work out at Wellness or wherever I can always work out home in the guess is my end goal. Again however I was glad to get back to the gym this morning and see some of the old guys. I really do think I need to socialization that Wellness tends to bring me. Interesting. I hate to be so predictable.

I really do have something to write I just need to figure out a time and space to do it on a regular basis. Hopefully something more creative the next day or Soon.

Thinking

It's the dog days of summer, hot as the days begin to wind down towards fall. Just gotten in from my trip to Wellness this morning . I feel pretty accomplished because today I went up to hundred and 30 pounds on the press in the row which is pretty good for me.. Actually pretty good For a lot of folks in the really makes you feel like an achiever. On my way to work out this morning I was pleased to run into an old friend whom I met when I served on Murray city disability board. She's a quadriplegic it seems a bit more involved than me but still she's been out there a long time. She's a PhD Mary to this German guy and I was so impressed that she traveled back and forth the German on a regular basis. Now she lives in Boise Idaho which is But her husband still works here Salt Lake so the commute two weeks at each home. I wish I had gotten a picture of her. She looked great there is a couple times in the past abortions are pretty hammered but she is been in a fairly rigid physical regimen seems to make a big difference. We talk about all kinds of things in the short time we had together was of most interest that she to one time had stenosis and had it removed which really impact her independence but she's come away with it very well. This again sometime in the past and I guess I didn't need to know about it till now. She agrees Dianne and me that I need to get second opinion and see if we can get say procedure done at the death Star close to the house. Just amazing. I don't know why but she sort of gave me hope things don't look so bleak now.

Silly as it sounds fairly excited about my workout today we increase my weight load to 130 pounds for the press and the role, three sets of 10 reps. I mean I knew I could do but what I've been coming to the realization the past couple sessions is that I need to be pushing myself more and add 130 pounds I am doing just that. I don't think I can do 130 I know I cannot do hundred and 30 on the rickshaw so I'm still struggling with 120 pounds there and I think I will be there for some time. It's no big deal but kind of is for me.

I said goodbye to everyone and made my way for home stopping at whole foods and getting some grapes and corn for the weekend. While there I ran into one of the wise of the participants in my Wellness program Mrs. Kirk, Mark Kirk's wife. We had a nice visit I found out a lot about Mark what he's going through and put in perspective what's going on with me, Medically. She reinforced the idea of the second opinion and severely considering whether I even the procedure and what consequences will be not doing the procedure. Wow quite a lot of stuff to think about.

Just Another Monday

This is been a good Monday so far, my brother got me up this morning as usual… Is here right at 6 o'clock and he does a great job. I worry that I'm working too much but he says is not in work too hard and I have taken face value. Truth is I've gotten much better and enjoy seeing him every morning. I hate That helping me bites into his workday it's only 30 minutes but still as 30 minutes begins me everyday which adds up to two and half hours a week hum,I guess I should feel guilty. I try not to think about it and get on with my life.

I'm really trying to operate the early workout routine. So I shaved, finished getting dressed ate a swift breakfast And headed out the door. Stopped at the bank cashed the check and came on in to Wellness. It was well after 1030 by the time I got to the Wellness gym and it was sort of busy not too bad but there's only one person to help but I didn't mind waiting. I have gotten to know many of the other participants and I spent some time visiting with them. Alex eventually gets around to me and that's good. I'm able to load the rickshaw on my own and adjust the handles to meet my needs. I'm now working at 120 pounds and is a real challenge. In order for me to even get enough muscle to push down the handles I must rely on getting someone to push a pillow behind my back which in turn pretty straightforward and allows me to put maximum strength on the down dressed. I did my sets but the sets were pretty shoddy but I did them anyway. I'm doing 120 pounds on my others as well, the rows And the pressesWhich are easier to execute then the rickshaw. It's a quick workout even if I do it with ample rests the workout still only takes about a half hour then I am on my own. This is great however I can head straight for the bus get home by noon or early afternoon. Today is a bit later because I stopped at whole foods for bread and grapes.

I did the unthinkable and stopped in at the McDonald's next-door to the market or rather across the street from the market and grabbed a burger. I hate eating McDonald's food but just the cheeseburger seems the least of the poisons. I may get got home and read until Dianne got home from Her morning with Bridget and Asher. It's a hot day and thankful to be wearing shorts and feeling pretty good. Got some good sleep and that certainly makes my day go better.

Now late in the afternoon almost 4 PM which means I need to start getting ready for the rest of my workout which is a 30 minute pump on my Saratoga silver. I listen to Marketplace broadcast from New York WNYC every weekday at 4:30 PM which means every finished right around 5 PM then I'll figure out dinner and get ready for bed at seven. This is my Monday and it's good enough for me.

Breakfast Memory

I stopped at the hospital, IHC Medical Ctr., ThursdayTo grab a quick breakfast before I did the trends evaluation At the UTA Transit Authority's evaluations Center. I had the time, the house went up to the bus stop and took the 201 into the hospital at 5300 S. Actually, I love having breakfast at IHC, prices are right and one can get almost anything they want – – breakfast wise and there's all kinds of medical staff wandering around that's always sort of cool. I knew I had time because the next stop was just one stop away at 4500 S. so I knew I could do breakfast and get to my nex appointment.

Now I had better be careful because finding their breakfasts way too good. I stopped at the hospital cafeteria earlier in the week for another early morning appointment. I can get away bigger than our down if I do not watch out anyway Thursday morning I ordered corned beef (From a can) and omelette and hashbrowns and gravy. It was not healthy but it was good. We got me really thinking however was the corned beef and cabbage was scooped up With ice cream scoop. You know the kind that if you go especially ice cream shop we still use to scoop ice cream out of those 5 gallons ice cream carton round drums. Seeing the rounded, perfectly rounded balls of Corned beef with me back to my grade school Lunchroom at good old Campus school. I believe I've gone over the past four about how rarely I was able to enjoy hot school lunch but sometimes I did. Luckily for me lunchroom often served mashed potatoes and gravy. What I remember most about the mashed potatoes and gravy aside from their wonderfully great flavor was that the good old cooks Of the lunchroom would scoop up individual servings of this wonderfully starch dish with what appeared to me as ice cream scoops. Next, they would drench the mound of Mashed potato with this great yellow gravy. I know I should have done without scoop of corned beef hash but the perfectly round ball Of Protein and starch was too much to..

The meal was great knew it would be but the memory is even greater. In an instant I was carried back to the lunchroom holding a tray in my hand going through the line in this grand old ladies throw perfectly round balls potatoes on my plate it Made getting up early Worthwhile.

I Well Ride!

I finally did it! I know I railed on the past about paratransit and have it really does violate a lot of personal rights that I think people disabilities Have. As many readers know I worked great deal of my career as a transportation corridor for an Independent living Center in Salt Lake. I fought paratransit for a host of reasons trying to encourage people with disabilities To ride mainline service, fixed routes or regular bus routes. This was a national feeling of the independent living of course it never caught on and people disability sold out for the most part and went to paratransit.So, over the years I pretty much ignored paratransit however in order to take advantage of one of paratransit's functions here in Salt Lake City I've caved in and I've elected to go through the process being evaluated for inclusion to the ranks of paratransit riders. This is totally self-serving and I confess I'm a weak vessel but I don't plan to use paratransit if I am eligible however I do plan to use paratransit card which will allow me to ride Fixed route buses without charge. I don't mind paying a fair I really believe $1.25 to deal.

To be honest I did not know what to expect at paratransit evaluation. They never really set how long the process would take and I cannot figure out why it would take long at all at as I said I'm going through the process. He showed up the paratransit service center this morning at the appointed time 9:30 AM and we got on with. I spent some time with the past bus driver who been elevated some sort of transit counselor in the program. We chatted she took notes and I was a good boy. Following this 20 minute visit she turned me over to Alex who actually did the clipboard thing and ran me through the system. In some ways The experience is pretty entertaining. In some ways it felt like a sheepdog going through trials. The areas laid out in a huge room seriously, I would say quarter football field in size. You have a number of tests laid out native ramps that supposedly mimic real-life scenarios that a person has to negotiate with their wheelchairs and are tested. There is even simulated crosswalk with crossing lights to test your ability to cross the street in the significant amount of time needed during the lifecycle. There is another section of gravel to see how a person negotiates gravel walks. There is even a full-size bus that you have to get on then go to seating section just like on a real bus. Following this we take a walk this walk goes from the building using public sidewalks hollowly to IHC hospital, crossing the street at the end turning me loose to go On my way.

Alex informed me that the material that would be taken adjudicated to see if I actually qualified for the service and that the Authority had up to 21 days to produce a conclusion however he indicated That I would know the results much sooner. Either way it's okay with me I am going to ride the bus one way or the other. It would just be convenient flash pass rather than digging out my wallet and buy a transfer or ticket. I don't feel good about what I did but I will try.

Back In The Saddle Just Fading Away

It has been more than two weeks since last I blogged, a majority of that time has been the fact that we have been without Internet connection. In fact you have a new Internet provider who provides more services less cost only had to wait almost a week before we were able to have them install the service. This last week I've been busy with things outside the house every day. As usual extremely lame excuses for this block in submissions– – Maybe it's just August break now that I've had the bright perhaps I can get back in the saddle and do some better writing Or at least more writing.

Nothing significant has happened with the exception of typical August heat and the days begin to cool in the mornings. Wellness of course keeps me busy as do the writing of letters first couple weeks of month. This seems more challenging than usual but I finally got the main letters out I even got a letter Asher– – Which I think I will continue to do so maybe even Ani. I have not been sleeping well but enough to get by I just rollaround fog sleepiness. I am getting by.

Yesterday I had a Utah Nonprofit Housing Corporation meeting, this was a board meeting and I had not been to a board meeting since before my next surgery so I figured it was due. I figured it would be light-duty sense it was also the grand opening for the facility new building project. The call for board meeting was just a pretense to get folks, specifically the board, together to to do the open house. Is weird though the board meeting, even though abbreviated was scheduled for 9 AM which is pretty early but I decided I could make it. So right after Carl got me up I took my meds And – out the door. I caught the bus to the train station and found I had a little time so I went to the I HC Hospital breakfast.

I enjoyed vegetarian burrito and then off to the board meeting.

I enjoyed seeing a lot of you folks had worked with for years. It's been a great deal of my work life doing housing Salt Lake County and the state for that matter. I saw myself as an engine part of the housing front representing folks with disabilities, Who are low income. A lot of the folks I have served with over the years I've either died,, retired or getting ready to retire. What a shock! We have been replaced by the new legions will not surprising always discomforting. The event was a long time commitment mostly therefore we had an hour and a half break between a board meeting and the open house . I rolled around the area looked into trying to find someone to manufacture steel that I need to save the house for me destroying the property.It's hard to realize how faded I have become. I understand how so many cultures see old age is a form of just fading away.

Draconian!

The got this email is my notification meeting with UTA Paratransit mobility service people to ascertain If I disabled enough to ride the Paratransit service.You all might remember from my rants in the past but I am not a big fan of paratransit – – in fact I aggressively fought paratransit any old days of accessible transit history. Without going into a huge history lesson let's just say paratransit is not good for people disabilities and other living things. However, good or bad paratransit won out. Actually I was naïve enough in those days to believe we could make a difference. Paratransit was a national movement as far as national transit goes it was, and whether we liked it or not.

Now 30 some years later I am using regular transit, fixe route transit Almost daily. It costs me $1.25 each ride, and that's if the driver insists I ride for nothing This does not happen as much as it used to but still happens. Many times I have to insist that I pay my fare To get my transfer, that small slip of paper that lets me ride the bus/Train free for two houhis is important especially on tracks Where the Traxx cops will actually find Big bucks if you don't have proof of purchase. I do not mind shelling out the $1.25 it is just a hassle. I really didn't have to deal with this issue too much when I worked for the state because we got a free pass through the state. I just had to show my ID that was good enough.. Now however in retirement that is not the case. I've known for some time that if I become part of the flex transfamily I could ride the mainline service without charge. So I have been trying to pass couple of weeks to get certified, yes certified to ride the service. The process is as draconian as paratransit is itself. You have to start by filling out a bunch of paperwork – which is okay I can accept that readily – then you have to get the doctors documentation of disability and then you have to go in front of a board which actually mandates you go through a obstacle course and then discussion on why you cannot ride the mainline service or fixed route all the time. It's stupid!I've tried to do this a couple of times each time I've tried I have finally given up the desperation just too many I s to DotAnd T's to cross.

Well I finally got my thought was the paperwork I needed done and I went to the UTA Paratransit Mobility Center to submit my paperwork. They scheduled me for an appointment later on August and I thought I was done. The paperwork I brought with me which of the document signed by my physician and other stuff they said I did not need. So I better go. Then I got the document in the mail which says I am going to need stuff, signed by my doc. I do not know if I even have the materials anymore which means I'll have to start from step one in order to get this project accomplished. It really is enough for me to throw my hands up in the air and say screw it I don't need the stress. I'm happy with just shelling out The $1.2 for each ride. So it's back to my doctor's office – – which I hate to do getting everything back in order again. This guy be a better way to ride public transit.

Busy Days

This week is been unseasonably cool and I don't like that but such is life. I guess it's only natural now the rear nearly out of July. I don't know if it was the cool weather or what but I noticed the figure ground effects begin to change is just a little bit easier to imagine fall taking over the Wasatch front and new season. However, it looks like the hot weather will return today and probably will remain so for the month of August

It's been a busy week which I guess is good since I rattle about Not having anything to do, was more or less a maintenance week. I went to Wellness a couple times, got my eyes examined in yesterday we went out to lunch with G B A2, Dianne drove me to Wellness and then we went to Bernie Sanders telecast At Westminster College. Oh, we also shopped for new cell phones over at Best Buy.

I got the word from my eldest son couple days ago that the hammered finally dropped where he worked and that he no longer had a job. This is bad no question but what is even worse is that he worked at a major cell phone provider and had had me and Dianne on his family plan for a number of years. Is been great we have not had to pay cell phone charges for years. However those now thing of the past. Just one of putting the major shout out to Mark A, thanking him for the support of all this free cellular phone use. I wish him well and speed in finding new forms of employment. We had not started out thinking we were going to shop for cell phones but since we had a couple of hours before the Bernie Sanders thing we figured why not check out the Best Buy options and more than anything else have one of their folks explained to us the ropes of cell phones. We finally got Greg, a young but knowledgeable geek, to assist us in our cell search. The little guy knew what he was talking I sort of felt bad barraging Him with the host of technical questions and With no real intention of purchasing the program from that particular store. If we did purchase our cell phone plans from a Best Buy it would be the Best Buy in our neighborhood. We were just using the lad. We still need to check with Costco and some other providers but we need to move quickly since the plan we have now will expire tomorrow. If I were more courageous person I would even consider not having a cell phone. But too many people in my life and I guess me included feel a cell phone for me is imperative as far as having access to support in emergency situations.

I must admit however that it was kind of fun looking at what cell phoneshave to offer now. I think I'm going to steer away from getting the military grade, heavy-duty, nondestructive cell phones I'm looking to get and look for something more user-friendly and fun. I am kind of amazed at how much power and savable space one gets with a basic plan now. We just have to decide and get going on our new cell phone plans. Kind of excited. Also kind of exciting is that I purchased day entry-level DVD player yesterday at Best Buy Dianne hooked up last night and it works now at least I can use red box again and enjoy my old DVDs.

By The Skin Of Our Teeth

I think we're going to make it! Beginning last week you might remember, that we significantly cut back on the amount of home health attendants coming out to help me in the evenings and in the mornings.We are currently having my older brother stop on his way to work in the mornings to help me dress and transfer to my power chair. In the evenings we have one attendant command three times a week to help shower. Dianne has taken up slinging me up, inserting this suppository and then getting me to bed following my bowel movement. On the weekends we've given my brother those off and believe it or not we've been doing pretty good. When I raise the bed all the way out Dianne does not have to bend down to get my shorts on and shoes. We again raise the bed up as high as it will go which greatly assists in doing a gravity transfer from the bed to the power chair. Luckily the power chair has ability to tilt back significantly And I can wiggle myself up to the chair.. I still have to be careful to make sure I have my shorts pulled up as high as they'll go otherwise they tend to crawl down the rest of the day. This is okay for weekends I think will do all right. Again the savings are significant.

I'm still a bit concerned as to having my brother so involved with my life but really who else better. He reminded me when I asked him if he thought this was too intimate a job and looked at me sidewise and said don't you remember when you looked at our house? I dressed you put on your Texas catheter every morning and put you to bed at night. What's weird is that I have little memory of that happening. Oh I accept that it had to happen because really, I was not functional enough at that point in my life to take care of myself. Putting on a condom which is glued to the penis is just a question let alone dressing myself. So he definitely knows what he's getting into. And like he says as long as he is on his way to work and the job of getting me up is fairly easy, we visit a little but actually we are totally focused we could probably do this procedure in 7 to 10 minutes he could be on his way. And hopefully the weekend gives him a bit of a reprieve not that he sleeps in, mind you but still just one less thing one has to do on one's time off. I hope he will be honest enough with me to let me know if this assistance becomes too much of a burden. Be sure appreciate it..

I still get the feeling that we are getting by only by the skin of our teeth, just cannot fathom what challenges are on the horizon. However I need to have faith all things will be done as they should be done and I have to put my faith and trust in a higher power. Which I can do it is just scary sometimes.

Fire!

I'm smack dab in the middle of a holiday weekend it's a far spent pretty good as far as these things go. 24 July is a major Utah holiday – – kind of like founders day for the state of Utah. The actual day was celebrated yesterday but because local population wanted to make the most of it is also being celebrated today by a number of morning Pioneer breakfasts. I've been threatening to go last couple years. The breakfast is held up the local Mormon ward house. It is free and pretty much a neighborhood event.. Local population of the neighborhood are the only ones really go an occasional transplants from out-of-state who may not know better. Actually, aside from all the Mormon overlay is not a bad way to meet the neighborhood but beware it's also a way for locals to get the foot in the door open it up for missionaries and other Mormon traditions.

The 24 July holiday The relatively minor holiday unless you live in Utah. Last night, because I have to go to bed early because of my need to have others assist me I listened to the explosions of the nighttime fireworks well into the midnight hour. It's amazing the length neighborhoods go to celebrate these type of events. Dianne and I watched movies and got to bed. I was surprised how quiet the neighborhood was yesterday I guess most of the neighborhood works for Gentile employers and do not get the day off. It felt like a holiday to me but maybe that's because I wanted it to feel like holiday. We did Hassan excitement neighborhood when all of a sudden a big yell fire engine came zooming down the street silent just running lights and parked Itself down at the cul-de-sac at the end of our street. I hardly know anyone down there so it's always weird when I roll their. But I did go down to see what was going on and there was a fire behind the houses between the houses and the TraX line. It was entertaining watching the fire guys rush around pull out their hoses run through the neighborhood actually run through people's backyards in order to access the fire. It was a little surreal sort of like a movie. The postman was on his rounds he continued to deliver his mail regardless of what was happening around him. He would walk up to a house put the mail in the box then negotiate himself over and around fire hoses bleeding water, surging toward the nozzle. I was entertained as the fireman frantically searched for then tried to hook up hosesTo the fire hydrant in the cul-de-sac. The firemen first took off both caps off the hydrant and dirty rusty water gushed out onto the pavement. That happened for about a minute or two for the firemen figured out they had to turn the water off and then hook up the hoses go to work. The process is pretty straightforward and soon big old hoses filled with water snaked all over the cul-de-sac the neighborhood. It was kind of fun, did not take the guys long to suppress the fire and no property was hurt that we could see. No one knows, at least I don't know what happened or how the fire started. As I acknowledged earlierthe day had been a very quiet . I hadn't heard any fireworks, or firecrackers at all so I don't think it was firework related. I saw a lot of smoke as they put out the fire but no flames and I guess that's cool. They were soon finished and gone. The end of the excitement of the day.

Later during the day I went over to my brother's home and he fixed my power chair which has some issues. It was great spending time with my brother as he worked on my chair.

Mexican Train… Please

It's been a long day and it is because I made it a long day. The only thing I had to do today was good and a Wellness and do my workout. I said goodbye John this morning my faithful morning week morning attended. John was supposed to get here from 7 AM but he hardly ever made on time. John was always late but I like him anyway. He talked a lot about stuff that was interesting to me mainly his other interest which was real estate and trying to sell his winter ski packages. I always like to ask him about his weekend and what he did and we did it with. I think I'm going to miss John most of all. Anyway as he says now he well have more time asleep in the morning. I got some breakfast missed around social networking and did the online cryptic quote. That being done Dianne indicated she and Bridger were going out for the day so I was gone. Got my travel stuff and was gone.

Since I have the new chair I seldom wait for the bus anymore I took the back road, behind the house over the hill and down to the train at central station. I rode inbound to 21^st South got off the train jumped 2100 eastbound and got off at 11^th East. Stopped in at whole foods got a slice of pizza for lunch which was a bad for store pizza it was pepperoni a small piece but fill in enough. Then it was over to Sugarhouse rehab Wellness program. Avery was the assistant today she's very good, efficient and focused and makes it easy to get in and out in less than half an hour. I did my routine did the paperwork and was gone. I went through BBB looked at mirrors and other stuff. That I decided I would see my friend Greg Naccarato. Greg lives in a long-term care facility – – nursing home! I thought I had the address but I had it written I was off by five streets almost. This facilitated the taking of two buses and traveling some distance power chair. It took me a while but I finally got To the facility. Took me met the find Greg… Greg was in the family room I think the family room is a place where they play games put together puzzles a place in the other years was called the day room. So I got there rigors of the table with three or four other seniors and then what looked like one staff and her preteen daughter. They are playing some game begins just ending and I thought I'd get the spend little time with Greg but they launched straight into a game of Mexican train. I kid you not the game is called Mexican train. It is some sort of domino game. I was a little embarrassed for the two folks who were blatantly HispanicBut they're all just getting into it… Mexican train.. I had visions of some kind boardgame where folks who are undocumented rode the train rolled the dice to see who got closest to the border are even over the border. I came home and checked it out and indeed is again called Mexican train unbelievable. Will Greg never stopped playing so I figured he didn't really want to visit and I sure didn't want to stay there any longer than I had to. It's a nice place and everything there were cookies everywhere all you had to do was lift up the glass covering the snitch a couple.

I had done my good deed for the day I was ready for the trip home. Made the connections and home I am. Got a few minutes before I began my hand bike workout on the Saratoga silver. Mexican trains please.

As It Currently Stands…

Yesterday our last evening I finally told my night staff, Mark, that come Monday I would no longer be using him or anybody from the agency provide my evening home health services. I was sure to couple's services along with the rest of the services agency. I did not want Mark to think that it was because of him that I was discontinuing my services which is true kind of. Truth of the matter is I cannot afford private pay home health services as much as I wish that I could. But also since I was discontinuing services anyway I dodged the confrontation bullet having to tell Mark that I specifically did not want him to provide my ongoing evening home health services.

I know I am a poor manager of people. I never have that good at directing folks to just a weakness that I have. I have noticed however in the short five or six months that we've used home health I've gotten somewhat better at telling the staff of what I want or what I don't want or how I want it done. Maybe, if I had Home health over the longTerm my managerial skills would improve and maybe then I could generalize it to anything else I had to manage. All I know right now would be hard to fire somebody if I had to.

Were I a good manager I guess I would work with my staff who had deficits and bring them up to an acceptable standard but I don't know really how to do that. I'm sure there's a manager skill craft video, training program, somewhere that teaches the skills but I haven't found it yet or had the patience or the inclination to pick up the skills. My wife, Dianne, is a great manager people I have noticed. She is managed large numbers of people in her past… And I've seen snippets of her skill set and interacting with people who work for us over the years we've been together. I admire her skill set in her ability to coax people to do the things they need to be doing to be successful in their jobs.

I was kind of good and surprised last night When Mark showed up to provide my attendant care for the evening. When we had talked to the agency we had essentially told them we no longer wanted Mark as my evening staff. Tonight, if he shows up, will be the last of the week that he provide services. Tomorrow he works another job and I have another person providing services. So if he shows up tonight I will And do the minimal amount of social interaction and be glad this is the final evening. I know it sounds cruel but just uncomfortable with my evening situation As it currently stands.

The Time Has Come Today...

I've been kind of dragging my feet, getting in touch with my older brother who has volunteered to help me get up in the morning during the week allowing me to cut loose of my home health care folks. This will greatly save money for Dianne myself. I did not call Carl directly that sentiment email over the cell phone later in the day I got a return message that he was still open to his volunteerism and that we should contact each other to discuss the details. Later in the afternoon I did call my brother and we decided that he would provide five mornings a week of assistance which greatly assist our financial well-being. We are also cutting back the home care assistance in the evenings as well. So now Dianne well essentially help put me to bed and provide some of my bowel management. With this done we called Home Health Options-to inform them and ask what the process was cutting back assistance we need. We want to keep our options open particularly if we have to come back after our experiment of independence. We decided that we would continue to use HHO but only use them three or four times a week, primarily for bathing. Home Options Indicated that would not be a problem just to let them know. We decided we would basically begin the first of the week, this coming Monday. However we did include that we want to change my nights support for the rest of the week. The guy comes in Monday through Thursday just is not cutting it for us. I am not sure what it is but it is just not a good fit.

So, this morning I let the morning guy know that after Friday I would not be using him anymore. This is kind of hard because I have come to realize how codependent this project is. I need sports services but even as much as I do I think the attendants need us even more. Especially the ones that provide services on a daily block – – like my night guy who provides my night care from Monday through Thursday. It's only four hours but it's four hours he can depend on. It's four hours that well no longer be there for me. I hope he will be able to pick up the four hours somewhere else – – – I'm sure he will. Still it's not my worry – – maybe a little bit – – really out of had to fire this guy anyway regardless of going to more personal self-care. I've never had to do that yet and may have been good for me but just the same I'm glad I dodged that bullet by the poverty I'm having to experience by the amount of home care I'm using.

I think of all the folks I am using for home health I think I'll miss my morning guy John the most. I've talked about him before, how close he is to my age and his struggles within the private sector trying to be a real estate tycoon. It's interesting to peer into his life and see him go about his days. I would not say we have a great friendship probably more of an acquaintance which I'm sure will disappear at the end of this week. However you never know this morning I couldn't find my cell phone and we tried to use the “call the cell phone trick”. So now I have his phone number. I don't know if I've ever really consider having a social function within like dinner or a drink but he's truly interesting, interesting to me the kind of think I will miss John’s morning’s input.

Monday Musings

The hot days are back I am just in from my workout at Wellness and I think it went pretty good all things considered the best part was being able to be home before 4 o'clock  and still have time to do something before the witching hour of 8 o'clock.

Actually the day was pretty good so far, Bridget called yesterday Evening and sounded like she wanted to do something Today. And I figured why not the been a while since we were together so let's check out lunch. We ended up going to HD barbecue. Oddly enough I had been talking it over this morning with my morning attendant who is been talking about this place for a couple of weeks. It seems he has property very close to the barbecue joint so I told I would check it out out too. The place is okay I had the brisket sandwich and was the first time in a great while that I like the brisket that was served me. The brisket was not all slimy and oily and fatty as what I have read lately when ordered the brisket sandwich. That was good to find someplace that's worthwhile drop into the very yet it's not long ways away just a few minutes by the connector.

Dianne indicated she'd be going in to the city to hang out with Bridget and the kids and she would drop me off at Wellness. Wellness is located a kind of busy but the attendant Avery was there. Avery I think is one of the better attendance she is focused and seems genuinely interested in serving the folks working out. There are two attendance that are really good one is Avery and one is Gracie. Alex who is sort of in charge of the whole operation is fairly worthless, in my estimation. Spends a great deal of time talking, flirting, listening to music and talking with the females over in the medical clinic.I was able to get a good workout and be out of there by 2 o'clock. The whole operation, home by three which is just about right. So I plan to work out three times a week Monday Wednesday and Friday and Tuesdays I have Assist, Inc.And on Thursdays this should be very free day which is pretty exciting. This would give me a very good week. Now if I can just not bleed to death before August when I can get seen by Michelle the a colorectal surgeon.

I think we are going to try cutting back on our home health folks. Their services cost us about $1500 a month. So, we are considering, with Carl's help of cutting out three days a week in the mornings, maybe more and then Dianne doing 3 to 4 nights a week primarily the shower nights. I think this would greatly offset the 1500 and allow us to get back some breathing room. I'm still bleeding fairly heavily in the evenings when I do my bowel program. The night care seems concerned about the amount of blood actually of things all that much and I'm really hoping that when I do go to the rectal person that she was say well we just had to get a little bit that you're okay. I'm really hoping this is the case. More to come on that. So there it is first ofthe week Let's do it again tomorrow hopefully.

This Is All For Me :-)

Blog July 11, 2015 – – Saturday

Yesterday I alluded to the fact that I had discontinued my physical therapy regimen, this means that I will no longer be going over to sugarhouse rehabilitation where I have been going the past couple of months for physical therapy well since February when I had my stenosis operation. I have to admit physical therapy has done me a lot of good more so than I would've imagined and I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of not going to physical therapy at least twice week.

Following a stenosis operation in February my left side or my upper left side was very weak as result of the operation to remove the stenosis. You know it's weird but I didn't realize it was the operation I thought it was because I was laying in bed for a couple weeks before I really started getting back up and living my life. I thought the disuse of my arm had been the reason but no it was actually the operation. So I started sending physical therapy and trying to get back what I lost. Before the operation I had been able to fully dressed myself – – I must admit it was more of a challenge towards the end of spasticity got worse. I could transfer on and off the toilet and in and out of the shower. I was essentially independent. I cooked I washed dishes regularly, I could just about do anything I really wanted to do or need to do. The point of the physical therapy was for me to gain strength and relearn concept/technique and transferring and become as independent as possible.

I've not been to physical therapy in over 48 years which is a long time for me. I came to physical therapy now with a vengeance to get back my independence. I was astounded how difficult this is going to be. But we started first three days a week Monday with you Friday. That did not last long since my insurance only provided 12 visits. At that point time my physical therapist what the bat for me and she enlighten me regarding SB 400, a Utah piece of legislation that provides physical therapy and other medical needs to people who are financially challenged. I am one of those now talk about throwback. I got a bunch of visits true I was no longer going three days a week at the end only two days a week but even that was okay it was more physical therapy attention that I'd gotten for decades. But now that has come to an end at least for now. With the new fiscal year I have to meet my deductibles which is fairly high so I cannot are will not pay $35 a visit that would take to get my 12 visits of physical therapy. Dianne and I have come to the conclusion to limit what medical intervention I needed this point until 1 August when I will begin my life under Medicare. This is a whole other realm of weirdness. Dianne has assured me this will be a good thing in some ways better than what I am already using. I had to cancel my visit with Dr. Daly, my neurosurgeon in late July until August to see if I need more surgical intervention.

So I'm done with physical therapy I have to force myself to make sure that I continue my home therapy workouts i.e. pumping my Saratoga summer and doing the elastic bands these are things I can do these are things I have control of these are things that will help me until I can get a better physical therapy workout. I have to set up that machine I purchased a few months ago which will allow me to do physical things to help my muscles especially ones I use for transfers. So I have a full plate going to have to do it all myself that's okay that's the way it should this is all for me.

Lots of Thoughts

This is the end of a very sad and somewhat stressful week. We buried Gabe's and our next-door neighbors son. Granted all we had to do was attend the funerals and do small chats survivors but still that is a lot of stress. This week I found out also, that because my insurance started over again in July (July 1 begets the new insurance year meaning that I have to paydown the co-pays or whatever). I knew this was going to happen but the application of having to paydown everything again is mind-boggling and stressing when you figure that also includes my physical therapy. So each visit right now in the new insurance year my responsibility would be $35. I know $35 not seem like a lot but it is when having to deal with homecare attendants, catheters and all the other crap that I am buying support disability I just couldn't do it in. Add on top of that that pesky pleader I have in my ass, hemorrhoid that bleeds is beginning to bleed worse and worse. Where this bleeding is not necessarily painful is certainly disconcerting and means some sort of medical intervention which means some out of pocket pay.

As I mentioned my new insurance year started July 1. I've been doing therapy, physical therapy for the past five or six months. I have been fortunate in that I've gone way beyond the 12 visits my PEHP offered thanks to SB 400.SB 400 Is a piece of Utah legislation which helps people who cannot pay for their physical therapy and other things. Essentially free therapy and I was getting it. That stopped July 1 and I will not be eligible until I meet by deductible so when my therapist told me that on Tuesday I quietly, inside my head, freaked out. Really really think I can do is to quit my physical therapy which I did. My therapist had told that I was still making progress in my therapy goals but was getting close to the plateau or for justification to work with me to the insurance/SB 400 funds. I Must confess I have become used to getting physical therapy. Not only has been getting the therapy's been nice but enjoy the interaction with the staff has been sent to. We really begin to get the illusion a family and belonging but nothing like having the dollars run out to sever those ties quickly. So before Kristen to tell me to stop coming I concluded by therapy visits yesterday. Kristen was quick to say that I had not reached the plateau yet but she also understood the financial strain that out-of-pocket pay causes a family like ours. So now I am without physical therapy. I will continue to attend Wellness can take advantage of equipment and professional trainers and even some of the other folks who are at wellness. Now I don't know what will happen next month when supposedly Medicare will kick in and I should have double coverage. I'm going to have to do lots of catch up.

Because of the Medicare opportunity coming up we decided to postpone the visit with daily MD for later this month but found the closest opportunity to see daily now is the end of September. This greatly influenced Dianne who I think sunk into depression for the rest of the day and was kind spooky for me to because I think something else begin to happen with the old stenosis. I'm beginning to bleed profusely from the rectum is just another thing to begin the wear on me another thing I can't really consider until August 1 and Medicare.

For whatever reason I'm having some issues sleeping not going to sleep but waking up when I catheterize during the night just can't get back to sleep.. Some nights are worse than others in Asia make it to the day just fine but I sort of things some of this is indicative of the stress is going on my life right now. But just to be sure I still quite in love with my life and my wife and my family. I think this depression is just situational And passing.

Too Much Death

Can't say it any other way but today was a weird day. We've been going through a series or a plague of death in this neighborhood the past week or so. Our next-door neighbor when they lost her last son earlier in the week, the neighbor down the street drop dead in his yard returning home from work late last week with next-door neighbor, Dan mother died two days before the Fourth of July and my son-in-law lost his father about the same time. This is just too weird. Of all those who died this last week the to that most affect me in my immediate family is my son-in-law's father and my neighbors son. Though we were not, or at least I was not intimately related to the two I was very close with my neighbor, LaNae and of course my son-in-law Gabriel. As it happens both funerals are scheduled for the same day in fact just an hour between each. Actually there is only one funeral per se, LaNae has opted for our viewing and the graveside service. I believe the poor woman just Funeraled out. In the last two years she has lost her husband and her two sons – – I think LaNae just wanted to get the kid planted the whole thing behind her as quick as she could.

Because LaNae's sons viewing was from 10 to 12 and Jack's funeral was 11 o'clock we decided to do a breeze in at the viewing of LaNae's son spend a few minutes with LaNae and family then duck out and head over to the Chapel for Jack's funeral. We went directly over to the Chapel from the funeral home and got there just as they were about to bring casket into the Chapel. It was a little disorienting getting to the church that close to the service. Of course the casket was all gone in the relief Society room with the family getting ready to be marched out to the congregation. But we found seats in the back of the chapel and settled in.

I have to admit it was a pretty good service. The service was unlike any I'd seen done in a LDS chapel.. Very worldly service almost on the profane.. A lot of great stories about Jack – – who seem to be a rowdy guy in his childhood and young adulthood. He's a guy you like to have fun. It sure seems like what history was told have been quite sanitized and rebuffed a little for public consumption. But it was a good service, everyone played nice. A light rain was falling today actually cooling off the day and gave an interesting twist to the funeral. Jack had a qualified military funeral with uniforms and caps from an aging Vietnam vet/hippie or biker. Again like the service it all came off quite nice it looked real good.There is to be some sort of a luncheon back the Ward house/Chapel and we were invited to attend and I was kind looking forward to some good old funeral potatoes but we decided to break ranks head for the Longhorn steakhouse. Lunch was good the company better still, sad much death in my neighborhood it is really sort of scary.

The only Cards I Get– –t Just Play!

It's the day after the Fourth of July obviously, Sunday and overcast day for once. The blaring some is blocked and the temperatures are not nearly as high as a have been a bit of reprieve from the heat we've been suffering from. There I go suffering? I don't think I'm suffering it's hot but I still think I enjoy it even though I have to be careful, I have to cover my head and I need to drinking lots of water.

The holiday was kind of fun actually. I was excited I got up or staff got me out and got my meds then proceeded to make the potato salad for yesterday's dinner. I was excited to have a holiday and somewhat celebrate the holiday. Dianne did some serious barbecuing chicken, steak and bratwursts. I was devastated to find out yesterday that our neighbors actually neighbor Lanae Lost her son a few days ago actually exactly 2 days ago! This is the third family death for her in two years. Her husband in both sons that ago. I finally went out visit with her briefly yesterday afternoon. She seems pretty good spirit wise. Perhaps she's just given up any happiness per se – – however I know this son sometimes wore her out. Maybe she's just learning to roll with the punches, she just been punched so much lately I can't stand see here anymore pain.

It's kind of weird this has been a season of death between Steven death and Jack's death earlier bummed out season so I think there are two funerals will have to attend this coming week. I will still guilty yesterday trying to enjoy the holiday but I did a little bit. Still it was weird. Bridged called later and afternoon and she and gave decided goal to Evanston to watch the huge firework show that Evanston puts on. It's a 2 Hour drive. Of course even if I could've participated like being able to have a vehicle to go over there and I could not because I had to be in bed by 9 o'clock or staff comes in o'clock from the bed. My whole life now is dictated by what I need to have done for me. I'm trying not to let it get me down. I'm still trying to pack everything and to my hours of consciousness for have to go to bed at 8 o'clock.

One last item this morning and have to call Carl and see if he'll still get me up in the mornings as opposed to having staff come in to do so . We are thinking at least three days a week are for if he can do it this would help save a little money that we are intending to put towards home health if and when I have my next surgery. I don't know seems like too little but at least will save some money. I feel like such a wet blanket in the lives of my family and friends. A well it's the only cards that I've got to play

More Then A Bag Of Chips

Yesterday, was a saddle up day. I had my physical therapy appointment over sugarhouse and I also had my time in Wellness Both reasons to out on the tarmac. I took my bottle of frozen water the truly made a difference, I believe throughout the day know if the standpoint of having something to drink but also having enough liquid which is cold the drench my hat in my clothes if need be. This worked in keeping a body temperature down and the day enjoyable and safe. I did a few chores before I took off not wanting to be too long in Sugarhouse with nothing to do. I took off about 930 or a quarter to ten Unfortunately did not have to wait long before catching a bus. I have to admit catching the bus without Starbucks makes a boring wait.

The only real positive today at rehab was that my therapist to a large part agreed with my issues of my power chair. Not that's going to make a big difference one or the other. It was just nice having someone else understand what I was trying to say. She agreed with me the box of my footpads was somewhat overkill. In fact she indicated that what I have is something akin to what a a child with cerebral palsy might have on their chair. She is not seen these kinds has on a scale which I have on my chair. For the time being have grown to accept the front loader appearance of my chair. Now I'm trying to figure out how to latch and unlatch the arms of my chair so I can get close and personal with things I'm trying to do like shave, dishes or whatever need to do. I really need to be more independent or at least feel like a more independent than this chair is actually allowed me to be right now. And, I may have to take off the positioners are what I have to do at least get me to the point where I am using my chair as productively as I can as independently as I can. I cannot overstate the need for independence for me. I think it is everything in our culture/society It is.. I cannot accept these other issues as far as forgoing my independence… Am I just being dorky?

Once again I'm looking down the barrel of a federal holiday/national holiday and in spite of myself and begin to feel excited… I don't know why but I am. I want to get at least one bag of Clover club potato chips, make some potato salad, has something fun to barbecue we may have some stuff already if not get a glorious steak just the barbecue for the Fourth of July. I'd like some corn on the cob too. I think we're trying to do is go back to a safer and more enjoyable time in my life… How pathetic for me?That's okay, I've learned by now that bag of chips does not a holiday make. But it sure helps.

Jumping July

It's early Wednesday morning much earlier than I usually am up because my chairperson had to do something with his significant other early this morning which I don't care as long I am up and out of bed. Today's going to be another hot one and I'm carrying ice with me or icewater to help me get through the day. I threw a bottle of water, a pretty large bottle into the freezer last night and most of is ice this morning. Hopefully the depths of a black backpack the ice will slowly melt Allowing me to keep cool – –I also plan to drench my hat at different points throughout the day hopefully my core temperature down.

Gabe's father finally died last night, the deathwatch of been going on for weeks actually. Cold as it may sound I'm glad the ordeal is over. The stress on the poor family has been really overwhelming. Now the stress of getting rid of the body will cause equal friction. Dianne has been very good to be with the family at their times of need throughout the whole death process over the past couple of months hopefully everyone now Can get back to their lives and enjoy the summer and.

The family stopped at the house last night (Bridget, Gabe and kids) to pick up Dianne to go to Burlington close factory to pick out a new suit for the funeral. Bridget reminded me that we needed to work on building the gate – – to be honest I'm a little intimidated by the whole experience and I hope Bridget will not let me off the hook. We will greatly enjoy time together and building this project I just hope we can pull it off. We may end up seeing if there is anything ready-made at one of the big box building stores. A little worried about trying to do this in his current heat wave but who knows maybe we can pull it off. And as Bridget says we have gave around to pick up the pieces if we should fail.

However today is rehab and a lot to sugarhouse in a few minutes even though I'm hours away from my scheduled appointment. I just want to get out on the tarmac before gets to hot travel and see what I can see them go where I can go in the time I have open to me. I do not think I am running away as much as trying to pack as much time and stuff into the time I have available before I have to go to bed at seven or 8 o'clock. I'm so eager to find out what my therapist and say that rehab when I come in with this monstrosity of the chair. Chances are still circled the wagons cover their own asses which will surprise me any job security is everything but still firmly believe, even though I look good in this chair sitting up straighter than I have for a long time, The trade-off is too great. I've lost too much of my independence to acquiesce the “Cosmetic” upgrades this chair supposedly to render. After all, the chair is a done deal, I have already begin to destroy the thing which is a shame.So off I go for my day on the tarmac the boiling heat of July.

Happy FY New Year's Eve

It's the end of the year, it said like New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve in the middle of summer. Tomorrow begins the new fiscal year everything money changes at 12 o'clock here tonight. Tomorrow I look at becoming deeper and deeper in debt as my insurance puts over to another year. It is been kind of nice sense all the medical trauma of last year has made us meet our insurance levels so everything last month has been covered by insurance 100%. Now starting at midnight we had to start working down the deductible again that really frightens me. July frightens me because of a meeting with my neurosurgeon to see what our next steps are going to be regarding me and my life, my spasticity and thus stenosis in my neck. I would like to think we would do nothing let the stenosis ride but in reality we have to do something our risk much greater neurological injury from the stenosis. I'm terrified of the surgery and what the negative results of the surgery might be. I'm terrified of the financial results of what the surgery might render I mean it's going to cost us a lot, financial burden which we will never get out from under and that depresses me greatly. However life does go on, I hope.

I really never understood New Year's, New Year's Eve or whatever only in the last couple of years as I've aged and realized that more New Year's have passed that I will have coming my way. The financial new year is a different beast it rolls things over and I guess gets things going again but still it is threatening. I continue to have home care attendants come in the morning and evening costing more than 1000 a month which greatly weirds me out. Sometimes I even look forward to their coming but most the time I think I resent them. I don't think we would be able to make it without them there physical intervention helps a great deal. I would like to think I'm doing great – – and I am to some degree but not the point Of being able to shuffle off the attendant care services these folks render.

It's Tuesday usually the day I go in for physical therapy after I attend my Assist, Inc. meeting. I look forward to the meeting and rehab. These obligations get me up and out the house to do some good the world and for myself. But not today. It is doubly hot today, I doubt that would've actually hurt me to be out this heat but still probably good idea stay in out of the direct sun. Tomorrow I will have rehab in the afternoon in the noonday sun and heat but I'm ready for it about water ice up I'll be okay New Year's Day, FY 2016. But I am scared.

Nothing Stays The Same

I should've realized something was going on earlier this spring when a new building project developed on State Street and about 5300 S. Here in Murray Utah. A few days after construction began assign pop-up indicating this be the home of a new Starbucks coffee. I thought it was a bit pretentious to have to Starbucks less than a mile from each other but I didn't for a second think they are going to take away my Starbucks, by my bus stop. Quite frankly, I'm shocked at how much this blatantly capitalistic move has moved me. I mean I am almost as ashamed to go into Starbucks purchase a four dollars cup of coffee as I am to go to Sam's club or other big-box store and see the opulence and quantity of goods for sale. I've only amazed or at seeing the shopping carts stacked high and deep.

I was at my old bus stop last week when I noted for the first time all the Starbucks identification had been removed from the coffee shop.I instantly knew what had happened but I rolled over to the front door anyway where I saw one of the staff coming out. She of course informed me that the Starbucks had closed down and that in a day or so the new Starbucks at 53^rd will open its doors. She seemed genuinely excited at the prospect of working in a brand-new building. Again what are the main reasons I even went to the Starbucks was primarily to get out of the cold but I would catch the bus to work on cold winter mornings. It was a fun place to be 6:30 AM on a cold workday morning. People were nice and he seemed genuinely pleased to see me whenever I would show up – – maybe not as genuineness at the liquor store but there was a comrade in the building. I vowed I would not go to the new Starbucks.

I was out test riding my new power chair Saturday. I jumped the bus gunned down the mall at 5300 S. and State Street. It was during this period that I remember the new Starbucks and indeed it was open so I figured this was not so much about breakage of a vow as it was reconnaissance, gathering Intel. So I wandered through Barnes & Noble, the big electronics store and eventually snuck in the Starbucks. I was kind of hoping to run into something wonderful like a Willy Wonka on caffeine or something out of Harry Potter. What I got was something more like a sterile version of Clockwork Orange .Everything from the drive-through on the north end of the building to the multiple cash registers at checkout to the large windows All around the building everything was designed to make money. Easy access/flow meant more people in and more people out as fast as you can go. Though there are still places a set at far into the building and I'm sure the whole thing is Wi-Fi friendly which is not the old building, the place I liked maybe even loved. The old Starbucks had been a Pizza Hut at the beginning at least 20 some years ago. After Pizza Hut had abandoned the property it was a couple other places I can't remember now until Starbucks took over the building. It's not like the property was dark inside but it was darker than what there is now on 53^rd, the place was cozy felt like a good place to be early in the morning or late at night with a cup coffee. They had nights when they hosted poetry slams, music venues usually some folk guitar strummer Or something else fun. I'm sure it'll try to do this at the new Starbucks but I just can't see it taking off I can't see the new Starbucks being a place where you just want to hang out. I ordered a nice coffee while I was there, I still have money in my gold card. I was shocked and amazed when old guy who looked about my age came and looked around and said he loved the place. I couldn't believe my ears I just turned on my chair and slowly backed away.

Moving On

It truly has been a bit of a roller coaster week for me. Tuesday I had the UTA thing, The panel be on that I did a video for. I should've realized the video would've been enough but I had the silly feeling our notion that they really wanted me, So I had staff come in early Dianne drove into the Grand America and I sat with the panel and said nothing to an audience of less than 12 people.

Tuesday was a busy day no doubt,, Up early, panel discussion then over to rehab for my physical therapy session and once again Kristen was not there. I don't know if I offended her are exactly what but I have been working with a guy named Ryan. He's okay he's fairly good is not Kristen, he is not nearly as good as Kristen . Perhaps it is because he is a guy, a male, a man And what I found is that on the whole it just get by, do they have to and get on with it where as Female therapists I've had been astoundingly good. Anyway I digress. The weekend it with going in for the fitting for my power chair. The power chair which actually arrived three or four weeks ago and which would not be turned loose to me until the formal fitting. This the first time I've really dealt with such a procedure it I have to admit it was much more intense than I wanted to be. I think the whole thing frightened me a great deal Because the chair that I got is much more sophisticated than I'm used to which scares me I think. For the first time in getting all kinds of weird stuff like pads on the sides of my chair position me up in a more upright position stupid foot boxes on my foot pedals which I doubt will last month but supposedly to keep my feet on the foot pedals but I cannot put any put any pressure on them at all. Essentially I've got a chair for quadriplegic and true I am a quadriplegic but I am a fairly active quadriplegic and I don't want to go the other way and become a less active quadriplegic. The speed is okay it's not as fast as I would like that never can see 8 miles an hour again And I'm okay with that. I don't like to read out on the control box is just the icon of a battery which exemplifies how much power I have left doesn't give me a clear picture in numbers I got left power wise. The chair again, is everything I did not want. I wanted to chair just like my old chair that would give me some here to there and let me do the things I've learned to do and wheelchair. However I did get to cushions and that's going to help a lot.

I am kind of waiting to see if I'm going to get a psychiatric consult. I know Sue and the others think I'm wacko. I swear I almost broke down crying at the fitting because this was so out of control so emblematic of my life right now… I have control of it seems. It almost came to a point right there at the University medical Center in the Department of physical therapy I swear I almost had a breakdown.

I've had the chair now for two or three days and am really trying to be positive and open this chair particularly if it is the only option going to have. I really have to get my other chair repaired since I broke the foot pedal standing on it the day that I got my new chair. So I'm going to have to take the chair back to Create see what they can do. I've got a lot to crunch my life is good be different from here on out I can tell. I can no longer be the guy that I was somewhat in between paraplegic quadriplegic that was able to be totally independent. Now I see nothing my life depends moving slower and a lot more careful. This kind of freaks me out but it's where I am and the sooner I accept this sooner I'm going to be able to move on.