Guilty

I cannot lie. I have never had the ability to lie. Sure I have tied but I can always be “made out’. I have the look, people can tell. I experience too much guilt. So I don’t lie or try not to. I also hate it when people involve me in their secretes and their lies or deceptions. This whole thing at the office with my office partner (OP) and her searching for work has put me smack dab in the middle of deceptive behavior.

I get to work early usually 7:15 am or so, the Boss is usually in the office at this time or soon after too and we talk. We actually brainstorm or discuss significant office events of the week. Well, Monday the Boss asks me if my office mate is searching for work. I did the eye shifting to the floor thing, cringe an finally spell my guts-sorta. It’s not like the girl’s behavior has been odd. The boss had already figured it out. The door shut all the time, especially right after phone calls, showing up the office all dressed up, become isolate she is clearly separating herself from the rest of the office. She should be wearing a giant sign which says “I AM LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!”

I really think the boss has been very cool about the whole thing, she has not been punitive and has stayed out of the employee’s hair as much as possible. The boss does expect her to put in a day’s work for a day’s pay. So, today I am on the phone with a chronic caller and I start getting Imed from my partner about have I told the boss that she( my OP ) looking for work. I take a deep breath and reply “YUP” then comes the ‘ whys, what did you say, how com, is she mad etc’ really just to much drama. Now, I cannot focus on my chronic and the chronic knows I am distracted because my replies to her comments do not make sense even to her( the chronic). I just star at the screen and think “what a creep I am” Then she takes off to lunch and just about an hour later I get a call from her saying she is sick and will not becoming back in this afternoon. I cannot say I am surprised and that is OK by me. I was not looking forward to being guilted all afternoon.

I have been stewing about this ever since. I vindicated myself by rationalizing to myself: I never wanted in on her secrete life, I never begged her to advise me on her job search and I never oathed to her I would keep everything she told me sacred and secrete. I am OK myself and that is that. I think I did pretty damn good keeping it as quiet as I did. She is the one who is leaving and I am staying and I am going to have to shoulder the load when she goes. She is a great worker and I have few complaints about her and I have given her rave reviews—which I really believe. She will be gone soon and I will miss her. She has too many skills to hang out their on the job tree too long. I just hope that she will find what she is searching.