It Hurts Just a Little

Betsy

I got a card from m old friend and mentor Mac. Mac is short for Mc Intyre an MD who took a chance on me years ago and hire me to be the psych counselor for a new medical delivery project he was organizing in South East Idaho back in the early 70's. Mac is a work of art, Mac is a whole book waiting to be written Mack is a national treasure who is now waiting away in a long term care facility in North Carolina—but all this is another blog entry, if not a book which I hope is written at some point in time but not right now. Mac is the person I write to each week, Mac is my commitment. I wrote my mom weekly before she passed and I decided to keep the practice up with my old friend. Anyway, in his response from last weeks letter mentioned a nurse practitioner who worked with our project. Betsy was young and attractive and from Vanderbilt. The Clinics were staffed by young idealists all trying to make a difference, some professionals like Betsy, we had VISTA's and me hired on some Idaho work program.

I did some searches for Betsy in hopes of being ale to give Mac an update on the beguiling Betsy. I of course found her right off. She is still in Boise, still in medicine a certified flight nurse, which I think is pretty cool—actually I sort of thought she would be a physician by now. Anyway, my research kicked out a 1973 article describing the project with images and names. I was excited to see this document, this document is the closest thing I have seen to a history of project. I am so glad that the piece is written but with some hurt I noted there is no mention of their counselor, affectionately know as Shrink.” Like I never existed on the project like I never was. It's really not a big deal, I am not that insecure. I know I was there and I know I contributed and I know that Mac and Jose our Physicians Assistant know I was there—I rode shotgun everyday, week in and week out for fifteen months. I don't know if the others will attest to my being there but it doesn’t matter. It's just weird to be so invisible.

This link will take you to the article...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1616027/pdf/healthservrep00043-0013.pdf

Money Pit !!

Last week we over a $1000.00 on the van and now its safety inspection time and of course the vehicle will not pass inspection and so back to the bank account and this week we are spending almost another $1000.00 just to bring the beat legal. I really do autos—I wish I could do with out. Hope gully the piece of junk will be ready sometime this afternoon.I think I have just enough power in my batteries to go down and get the van—so at least we'll have the vehicle for the weekend.

Time slipping away into the furture...

Long day, long week--I m ready to go home. I just had a call from someone who wants to organize people to battle the local transit authority but she doesnot want to rub shoulders with true advocates to bring this about. I want to write more about this tomorrow--time has just slipped away from me today.

Save Me

My spider senses are tingling. Something's up I m not sure what but I am sensing from the “force” I bet be looking both ways, up and down and behind my back because something's definitely in the wind. When I get these feelings I start cleaning my office-not packing- just cleaning. I clean my office and then if I nee to go to the next level I do. So now I am jut cleaning m office.

We had another “Save meadowlark meeting” this morning which included a director type from a think tank from up north. This person also has control of lots of money and she and her comments can directly impact the flow of river of money. I do not think the meeting was all that productive except to have those sitting round the speaker phone realize the tree we had been barking up for funding was not really a productive quest—which brought us back to focusing on the funding we had and developing and refining out current project. We have funding in place now for the next year—which is good, for me. Now we/me are trying to build some sort of sustainability for the project now. This part is hard, the hardest part of all because all these funding source are crying for data. Data I do not have primarily because I do not have the calls coming in to count. I have poor software which always fails me one way or the other and my equipment is getting more and more faulty each day, with no hope of financial infusion to up grade the systems.

This whirlwind of confusion was rolling round in my mind as I boarded the train this morning, a good morning, new and warm and full of promise. As we pulled out of my station I pulled out my new MP3 player and began messing with the pile of music Dianne downloaded onto it last night—then I whipped out my cell-phone camera and started “sharking” for my next image for “train person” of the day.I took a couple of snaps and was about ready to return to my frets about the save “meadowlark” project when we pulled into the 33^rd south station when a raggedy man pushed his shopping cart loaded with what looked like his entire life. Raggedy then pushed his cart right next top me and too the seat next to mine and began talking to himself as these “shopping cart cowboys” so often do. What I think was most remarkable with Raggedy an his shopping cart was a handmade cardboard sign with “Jesus Saves” written boldly and defiantly. This guys face was wonderful I startd working my cell phone into place to take his image. I clicked a coupe of images when Raggedy asked :hey. Would take my picture?” “Sure I said,”No problem” what luck. We were working on get him in frame when suddenly he stops and ways wait and adjusted “Jesus saves” so it faced the riders on the train. Raggedy smiled and winked at me saying, “These folks just hate it when I do that...praise the Lord”. This guy was not nearly as crazy as I thought—just an undercover agent for God. He made me feel good and smiled a lot thinking of him today especially in my survival meetings.

Battery Closure

I just returned from a run up to 7-11 up on the corner to test the new batteries(yes, I got them and that drama is the stuff of todays post). I was pleased with the way the batteries preformed –I left with the batteries at 98 % and returned with the batteries registering 79% and that was a walk round the neighborhood with the whole family especially with Asher in the new perambulator. What a sight to see us all marching proudly down the street. This was one of Asher's first out bound excursion. This was a considerable walk too going Al round the hood Almost all the way up to the “7ve” so this was quite a load test to place on the new chores.

I would like to report the trip to the battery store Standard Battery went off without a hitch but that would not be true so here is the rest of the story. Yesterday was a good day, not only was the day quasi warm acting as the gateway for warmer weather which is starting today but the day was also Mark A's birthday—once again Happy birthday Mark—know that you are loved. I copped out this year and sent him an “e-card” for Amazon—Mark seemed to like the card so I wass left off the hook easily. No lunch, dinner just a e card and a call that's All.

I was up early, showered and dressed and ready to go for my second PT Appointment at the University Out Patient Rehab. I purposely scheduled the appointment early on Fridays so I would be up and out of the house early and its working. The workout was good, lots of good stretching and a minimal cardio vascular work out. I was driving th van and I did not want to be too exhausted as I drove cross town to Standard Battery. Hopefully, After I get the batteries using the van will be s none issue since I'll be using my chair for the ride back And forth to PT meaning I will be using the bus and train to get back and forth.

Following my work out I was going to buy lunch at the hospital cafeterian was shocked to wallet was not in its usual space in my backpack—luckily I found this out before I had loaded a tray and was at “check-out”. I also new the rest of my planned morning was a no go if I did not have my purse and credit and debit cards. Luckily when I returned dto my van I found the wallet on the foor when I had tipped the back pack upside down when I was getting out at the PT unit. I set off for the batter store.

Standard battery is a solid operation. Blue collars hanging round, smoking and doing their jobs of replacing dead cores with new ones. Mostly young guys, dressed in gray service shirts with their names sown into the shirt above the left hand breast pocket, waiting for closing time or any other diversion to take their minds off the heavy, itchy burning batteries they handled all day long. I was that diversion.

I pulled up to the service bay with the doors open And Tyler, sundered out and got stuck me. I coached him though the opening of my automatic doors, deploying the lift tipping the seat back of my power chair—the lad was a quick learner. He struggled a bit with getting the from off the battery box but eventually prevailed-- mind you Tyler had already found the batteries which had been “brown trucked” in from Boise. The seacond we had the batteries out we could see--as the week before-- the replacements were to large for the battery box.

Tyler scratchezd his head and backed away calling Todd to come over, Todd was a slightly obese guy who had worked at Standard for years and “knew everything” especially how to be lonely. Todd was a genius one glance at the battery spectacle developing in my van and said, “them's too big” duh?!! We gots some which will fit though fifty ampers.They're in the back.”

Sure enough, the batteries I had been driving for two years were 50 amp batteries much small then I had realized—no wonder my ranging abilty seemed severely compromised. At this point I wanted to be done and out so I said “put'em in” and they did and I was gone.I am a little disappointed the cores are as small as they are but the size has not been too bad. I just have to treat the batteries better and know I will wear them out quicker. But, I am also going to see if there is anyway of getting a bigger battery box in hopes of increasing my ampage and there for my distance. The best part is the smaller batteries have smaller cost and that is mighty fine by me.

Power Up!!

Every once in a while fates turns it's head and smiles on you or in this case me. I have been fretting about having to get new set of batteries for my power chair. I have been considering a new set of batteries for some time—since I found out my insurance will no longer do their once a year purchase—which was one of the main reason I opted to buy a power chair new. I was led to believe if one does buy a power-chair new with their insurance the batteries are always provided by he insurance. Wrong!

So, I have been putting off having to purchase a set of batteries as long as I could, but, this is becoming less an option. The batteries I have now drain more and more quickly. Thankfully I have not be stranded as yet but I must be vigilant and charge at every chance I get. Even if I charge all night and my batteries register at 100 percent when leave the house I am now down to the mid 80's by the time I get to work and if I don't plug in with my “at work” charger, I best not be going anywhere for lunch and I had better get my charger on the batteries a good two hours before I leave for home or have my phone be ready to call Dianne when I get to the train stop for her to fetch me in the van. This kind of living has been do able but is getting to be a real pain and the fact remain I still need new cores.

So last week I actually started my physical therapy regimen at up at the University and decided I might as well to 'bight the bullet' and buy the batteries since I was out anyway. Dianne was occupied when I started calling round to different battery houses and I mystified to see there was almost $100.00 difference in price of one batter and I needed two. I knew if I were able to buy a set of batteries somewhere I could get my friends at Utah Center for Assistive Technology do the install saving me some money. I finally found three places where I could but the batteries for les then $200.00 a piece more like $150.00 which is strikingly high but compared to $250.00 much more palatable. One place I called did no have any the size I needed and would take a week to order the batteries and the other place one battery and would take an hour to have someone bring another from the warehouse and then yet another who had two cores in house but these batteries cost two dollars more then the lowest cost but there were in stock and I swooped over and picked them up.

An hour later I was over at UCAT dismayed and tired. The batteries were too large for my battery box—the batteries would not work. So, now I has to shag ass back to the battery store return the cores and have them put the money back in to my account and get over to the hospital for dinner with the family of the new born. Which I did.

yesterday I spoke with my friend, the director of UCAT, who gave me the name of the person he goes to when he needs batteries for the wheelchairs he works on. I called and found I was eligible for the State's cost of batteries since I was a state employee-sweet--. I have an appointment for friday afternoon following my physical therapy. So $300.00 for a set o batteries is far less then $500.00 but still way uncomfortable especially since one of the reason I went for a new chairs was the battery perk but that was then and this is now and I gotta power on.

Two Birth Days

We had an addition to the family this week. Asher was born to Bridget On Thursday morning or afternoon—I forget all I knew I was getting ready for or had just finishing my broadcast. I remember because I was tied up with my guest when my phone range and Frank took the call and notified me the birth had taken place, I knew the birth was going to happen began Asher was induced because he had been having such a difficult time initiating the birth process. Now, Asher did have a bit of a challenge exiting the womb and he had to twist and turn to make the great escape but he managed and made it. Following work I took the train yo the hospital and was surprised to see Brooks, Bridget's brother standing in the room with the fam. I cannot say I was shocked, it was just natural to see him standing there. Brooks actually took time off from his insurance business in Vancouver and flew to Salt Lake City/Murray to be with his sister and family. This was really a “'Waltons”moment which does not happen all that much with this family but was great to see and experience.

Today Sunday the 29^th of may is also my daughter, Michelle's 29^th birthday. Shelly lives in Oregon, not far from the Washington border. Michelle have given me two very special grand daughters. Michelle, Dustin and the two girls live in the great North West—they're kinda hippies and I think that is cool. Michelle has done very good in establishing herself in her relationship as wife and mom and manager in a manager telecommunication company. Michelle is special in that I have never really had to worry about her. Michelle has always managed to take care of herself and her family i.e. her two younger brothers and she still does time to time. It seems I have never really had easy access to Michelle. There was a short while when she lived in Blackfoot right after she was born that we were neighbors and I saw he daily, and that felt good but not long after the divorce her mom remarried and moved from easy access. For a brief time in her high school years Michelle actually lived with our family in Murray I believe when Michelle was a Junior at Murray high. That was the year of Michelle preforming in Murray choir by day and living on the INTERNET by night. Many times we her the clicking of computer keys, madly into the night behind the door to her room but immediately after graduation Michelle migrated, once again, to the great Northwest.Two bisrh

Two birthdays in may at the end of the month very close to Memorial day. Cards and or presents to get and send,Michelle continues to grow and mature and Asher is starting out. Ashers seems quiet, strong and self assured –I don't know why I feel that way but from holding the lad and watching him the day of his birth makes me feel that way. Happy birthday my special may babies I love and miss you...

Give Me Something with a Kick, Please

I am sitting here at my desk intermittently dozing, trying to stay away but I seem to be loosing the battle.!I am falling asleeep at my desk is I am out of coffee and hat is not completely true. I am out of regular coffee which I usually drink through out the day.

Remember my last post on Friday? Where I was sitting waiting for the phone call from my cousin or who ever is supposedly repairing my van. Guess what the call never came and in fact I was prisoner at my house over the weekend which was not too bad except I did not preform one of my weekend chores and run to the market to get the items we will need for the coming week. I usually pick up coffee for the office, if I need, at this point in time an that point did not happen last week. So this Monday morning in a fit of responsibility I actually left the house early and stopped into the corner Beans and Brew looked over what they had. I knew that what ever I got was going to be expensive but I figured the cost was do able and only had to hold until I could get out to get another can of crude since crude is what I usually use to get me though the day at work. I found some bags in the $2.00 off bin and figured why not? I was still pretty groggy and so was their staff since the time was not yet 6:00 a.m.. So, bought the brew and had the baraista ground the beans and I was on my way. It was later when I was at the office and tearing into the bag of coffee that I saw “DEF” on the bottom of the bag—that was all not green anywhere on the which is always the “flag” to me that the coffee is denuded, defrocked or lacking in kick which is what I needed. Actually I saw this and did a shoulder shrug, there could not be that much of a punch now for as long as I have been drinking coffee at my work, surely I must have built a tolerance to the caffeine's effect long ago and truth be told I did not think the decaf coffee was any different then my regular until Frank asked if I had had a rough night. I said no thinking I had actually had a pretty good night allowing me to rise early enough to pick up the decaf, and asked Frank. His reply was that I was looking pretty rough then later in the day Dianne called and as we chatted she asked if I was tired!! Again, I asked why and she said I sounded exhausted. It was then I did feel more tired then I usually felt .and the only difference was the non “octane”. I coul not believe it. I needed some real java.

So the coffee has been a ow priority for me. I have been trying to get by with my make believe. If I really thought I needed real coffee I would just grind some at home and bring it in and mix with the other. The van was nor ready on Monday and yesterday, Tuesday we got the call the vehicle was done and I even picked the van up on my way home from work, so I could have stopped and got some coffee but I didn't and I brewed another pot of the stuff today but the consequences have been challenging. Tonight I will grind a few beans to get me through tomorrow and then over the holiday weekend I'll pick up some real coffee and we cn then hope for a more alert Tuesday.

The Week that Was

The week of work has finally passed and the weekend has started. I really wanted to write more but the office is actually getting busy with more stress on me to be more active in my job preservation campaign I have admit am getting into the process even though the efforts seem some what counter productive. So,its Friday and I here I sit finished with a lot of the household cores and some of the homework I chose to bring home.

I am home alone, the baby has not been born yet. DD is over babysitting bridge until Gabriel gets home. Yesterday we got the bad news the transmission in the van was gone and we had better get the transmission repaired or we would be out personal transportation. We took the van to the cousins and he got us a deal of $1800.00 and who knows how much more when all is said and done. Luckily it seems like we have a little bit extra but those funds are kind of committed to roof. Nothing ever works out the way one wants. I am sure we will go by. I just hope the van has enough life in it to justify the amount of money we are dumping into the beast. Today is wet and cold, will warm weather really ever return? The weekend looks to have just one day which will be semi-dry and hopefully enjoyable and maybe some drying out of the territory the end of next weekend which is also a holiday weekend.

My butt has finally healed to the point I can stay up all the day without being in pain. I have gone to hslf days at work—which is fine. I surely have the “sick” leave accrued. I have been coming straight home from work and actually going to bed to get the weight off my rear which seems to have worked. Now, to keep the skin break down away, pressure release, pressure release, pressure release. This morning I also contacted my physical therapists and scheduled an appointment for next week where I can further discuss and detail my needs. I need to some solutions done to my power chair will make my life much more bearable, have a closer look at getting a cushion which will give my butt more protection and get some much needed strengthening and stretching. I would eve like a dietary consult with some food ideas for meals which will assist me in some weight loss. If I can get some of these issues addressed now, I should have a much better summer and remainder of the year.

So, now, I am just waiting for a call from the shop to let me know if I will be a prisoner at my home or will I have personal transportation. I could use public transit but it nice to know the van is here if we need it. The van being drivable I also imperative for watching Aunakah if and when her brother arrives.DD terribly wants to be at the hospital and part of the process. In fact I found out from Mark A's face Book that Jasmine had her tonsils adenoids removed and tubes inserted and that is just alright by me.

Thoughts on Being back...

I can never choose a good day to be out of the office. Today I am back after taking yesterday off as a “sick” day and I WAS sick too. Well, not sick “sick” like a running nose sick but sick, like a skin break down sick—some of the weak places on my butt were looking spooky so I figured I had better stay off the butt for a couple of days and Sunday and Monday looked like bad weather days so I figured I would lay around all day and I did but now I am paying—always a payment.

So I did the usual thing that someone does when missing work, I rolled right into the bosses office as soon as she got here to do “the why I was out” speech. I know, I don't need to do this speech but I always feel I have to just to make sure everything is OK—helps me roll easier. What is really cool I how cool of a boss I have. My boss is really one of those world class bosses that you hear about, the mirage boss, one you see off in the distance, chase after but never quite get. My boss asked how I was, is everything OK, should I actually be back to work, and what can she do to assist me takes the steps I need to take to make sure my butts heals up and stays healed so I can not only work but enjoy my life, pain free.

So how cool is this? If I nee to I am going to go on part days, not part time but use my sick leave(which I have large amounts of). So, I would do hal day in the office in the mornings, take and return calls and then book home in the afternoon to get off my butt to let the skin rebuild itself if it well. Next I am going to get hold of my P.T. To see about getting better butt protection for my wheelchair and maybe do some physical therapy which might lo include some weight loss strategies. Actually, I thought I had already do this, I even met with a new P.T. And I was waiting for a response an nothing has happened...so now I am “picking up the ball” and finding out hat has happened and what I need to be doing to make sure something positive happens. If I can get these thing accomplished I can then return my focus on things which are taking place in my office to make sure my position stays round for the near and distant future.

Of interest to note, I got my Galaxy Tablet and the hand held device is quite wonderful as I learn how to use it because the device is actually a small computer system in and of itself. I am trying to with hold judgment and not be disillusioned because I cannot use the system as effectively as I would like, granted a large part of that use was laying in bed with quad hands. I may have, once again, over bought bu we shall see. Right now the hand held is a device that DD and I can both us and seem to enjoy and since I got a special deal from my son we are enjoying he device even more.

Back, once again--

Seriously! I promise to write more this week--I have been down again due to skin issues and this getting old! I have to do something soon.

Feelings

The area I caught in a slow moving storm. A storm which is going to last a couple of days bu then get back to warm Springtime weather. The storm is a wet storm with cooler temps. The temps are not necessarily cold like freezing or sub freezing just wet and uncomfortable and again, I have found being out in the weather is nor so bad as being inside looking out and the inside never warming up. So everything feels slow and I am hard pressed to get in gear and my 'gut' is telling me, I better get in gear and be busy if not at the very least look busy.

The office bean counter was just in my office dropping off the monthly budget summary which tells me just exactly how much money is left in my programs budget. I spent more then anticipated last month and somehow I get the feeling I better beware as I come up to the end of m fiscal year. An though there has been talk about having funding in place for the next year I don't have anything concrete. So, closed door discussions, brisk confrontations and gray days with lots of rain.

Mother's Day One Way or Another

Its raining the nice days of Spring have come and gone and cold front has move in for the rest of today and the first of the week. We just finished a small Mother's Day lunch with BGndA. The event was nice and low effort. We prepared the roast an the kids brought rolls, an vegetables. This event must be placed in the context of BRIDGET being so pregnant that the poor girl could deliver at any second. We ate dinner timing the time of the contractions something definitely seems to be happening. So, now its just a matter of waiting.

Dianne and the girls have gone off shopping. Anakah thinks she needs shoes which was a good enough reason to get out to payless and who know where else. i just Asked Dianne to be home before dark unless our little john doe arrives hen who know wwhen dd will be home.

One day at a Time

It really Is quite remarkable that I throw myself out of my bed,into the shower get dressed and fix me something to eat and get out to the bus stop each morning usually totally independent. This sounds like a small thing but for me, doing all this before 6:00 A.M. IS A BIG DEAL! I love being as independent as I am. I am getting more then a little nervous as I age and loose the ability to take care of myself even just a little. Its happening. I am getting by I just don't know for how long. I am sure I still have years of quasi-independence but I just wonder.

A coupe nights ago I was transferring on to the toilet,or trying to and my arm gave out, just a little, or maybe the chair slipped and I started to slide down between the chair and toilet towards the floor. Luckily, Dd was in the computer room which is next to the bathroom an she was able to run in and push my chair up against the commode blocking my fall and I was able to drag myself back up into my chair saving me from what ever I would have had to do to get back up after the floor: neighbors, brother or sons or worse case emergency responders of one sort or another. It's going to happen and I am going to fall its just a matter of time.

This morning started out great, good night's sleep, shower no problems, even was able to eat some breakfast and then transfer into my power chair and then I felt the urge—you now it gas or something else? I caught myself in time it was something else and I made the decision I had better get on the pot ans see what business I could do, even though I only had about 14 minutes before I had to leave the house if I was going to catch my usual bus to the train station. I made it though, I pulled down my pants and transferred onto the throne just in time. Now, mind you this was all done from my power wheel chair which I rarely do. I was not able to make the transfer back to the chair after my movement and after I cleaned my self up. I called and called for Dianne, finally waking her she was able to assist me in getting back into my chair and getting my pants back up. Dianne ended up driving me to the train station and I was only 10 minutes late for work! It could have been a lot worse. I could have been on the train or at work and had the “ accident” pooparama in the pants. The poopaama has only hit a couple of times and the pooparama is not pretty.

So, I made it today, I feel a little unsettled but I made it. Hopefully the rest of the week will run smoother and I will not feel I am living in a crises. I just don't know how long I can keep this up.

So Long Mrs C-

A couple of days my friend's Tom and John's mom died, Mrs C was a great person and a great mother and a great best friends mom. Best friends moms are kind of special because they often are kinda like your second mom and Mrs.C was. Not that I needed a second mom, my mom as just great. I was just over at the C's so much, Saturday mornings many weeks of the school year my older brother and I would be over at the C's sleeping over Friday night to Saturday mornings. The C's always had bacon and eggs on Saturday morning—we did not eat pork in our family illicit bacon was wonderful. Ms C was always at our ball games and I was little league up to Jr. high.

Many morning I would cross the fields from my house to John's early so I could wait for John to finish getting ready so I could hang in their house and feel a little of their lives. Mrs C always made me welcome—gave me extra ice cream at John's birthday and often kidded round with me.

The C's were a young family kind of or maybe an involved family which was a lot different then mine. They supported thgrade school, jr high, high school and even the college which became the university. They were democrats, I think they genuinely loved people of all kinds. They took care of the grand parents right next door, year round till they died—I was impressed. A lot of this was Mrs C's own doing. I knew this—she was one of those folks who made a difference by just smiling—Mrs C lived a long and good life. I am sure she will rest well. I grieve for the family for their loss. It's just not the same once you be come orphaned.

Am I a Monster?

It's going to be one of those days if not weeks where there seems to be a lot of pressure going down at the office. It is a snow/rain day today as this area struggles to shake off the hold of Winter and break into Spring. It is snow/rain day and I have meeting out in the community and so I will be riding bus and train trying to make my meetings. The big issue for me is not the weather as much as whether I will have the power I will need to get from point to point. I should have gotten batteries Saturday or Friday but it is just too much work—I will get the batteries when I can no longer get from point to point.

The first thing I did once I get in from the train ride downtown to my office was, actually after I got in and talked to Frank, made and got coffee was to plug my self in to my office charger to make sure I had the power needed for my trip to the train station. The who time I kept an eye to the window watching the hurly burly black clouds rolling in from the West. Rain and snow was coming down at different time of the morning and by the time I took off for my meeting. There a light rain falling as I got to the train stop but soon turned to snow and heavy snow for a few minutes once I was at Central. The snow came and went in waves and I got covered more then once with snow but really I was not that uncomfortable. I made good time and had more then ample power. The meeting was a joke but joke meetings are not a surprise. I really tried to be part of it and I kinda think I looked the part. But these folks I doubt are going to give me any funding. And I doubt they are really going to get their project very far off the ground before they run out of funding or time.

Back at my office I am dry and plugged in charging again for my return home—the clouds have parted a bit but continue to hang round and threatened me and other transit users. The afternoon buses has picked up their pace and the home bound traffic is building. The meeting at my office have ended and I got caught myna master degree candidate from India and a low-talker on the phone who I could not help in the least except to inform him there were no more options for him to consider and he will have to deliver some sort of game plan for his problem of no acceptable housing, emergent housing. sometimes that is the best I can do is to tell the caller there are no more options as I see it—does that make me a monster? Does it make me a monster that I don't seem to care that this caller has no more options and I don't know what he will do tonight—but seriously there is just so much I can do.

I suspect I will run into more precipitation before I get back home.

Hon"

Friday has turned into an outing day—Fridays we pick up one of the grand daughters from school and following her pick up we usually head out to lunch in spite of the fact that Ani has already had her lunch at school—lunch is for Dianne and myself. We usually like to sty in the neighborhood if there is nothing larger on our agenda for the day—we harbor this belief it is important to keep our dollars in the neighborhood or city. I have noted the past couple of weeks we have defaulted to the local Village Inn.

The Village Inn (VI) is OK, good food, good service (its a place where the waitress calls everyone”Hon”, “Babe” or some other term of endearment. The menu is OK, anything good is offered after five o clock but breakfast is served all day with lots of coffee and a place whee old folk go. I would just as soon go somewhere else but DD and Ani like the place and it's close to home. I just hate going to all thee places where I am the Old Guy.

Easter Prep and Air Force Imagea

Getting ready for Easter Sunday and dinner, washing, mopping, dusting and picking up, maybe more later but for now here are some images from the info fair recently held at the air base.

yes Sir,Clear Sir!

It's always weird being on any kind of military establishment, for me. Being on post is such a experience. Uniforms, structured speak and good posture. This was was where I was all day yesterday at the information fair. This was the event I have been dreading ever since I got sucked in to doing it. I ha a table last year at this event so I kinda knew what I was in for but it WAS an all day event.

Not that the day was a cursed day but I should have realized the day would be challenging when I went to load up to drive to the air force base and I could not gt the automatic doors on my van to open. I have learned that when the door is stuck like this if I can get someone to push from the inside of the van out, on the door, the actuator arm will become unstuck and the doors will open. O, I had to return to the house an wake DD nnd have her push on the door an soon I was on my way north to the Air Force Base. Luckily I did not have any problem driving North, in fact I found the experience somewhat refreshingly stimulating. Since Utah has spent on much money road construction the past couple of decades the drive North has become much more bearable.

The next challenge I face was actually gaining entrance to the base. One of the things asked of everyone participating in the event was driver's license numbers and copy of and just who would becoming from your organization. Still when I pulled up to the sentry and he challenged me for my drivers license he wanted me to “park of there and step out of the van” at which point I let the man know I use a wheelchair for mobility and it would be a lot quicker for him to take my license and check against his records in the guard shack. Of course this is what he did and everything shut down on the on my lane and the cars began to pile up behind me. Eventually I was allowed on base and surprisingly I drove right up top the officers club. Amy had brought my small box of items up earlier, setting up took minutes and soon I was scouting a cup of coffee. To my amazement there was not coffee to be had at the check in and registration –only in Utah—I cannot believe I was the only to make such a request. But, there was a little restaurants not far from my building called Runway Ruby's and for she they would have a cup of joe and they did but guess what they were not immediately wheelchair accessible! Unbelievable. There was on door which had just one very small step which I was sure that my chair could negotiate if I could get to it but this was a two door entrance and only one door was open and it was too narrow for my chair to pass through both doors would have to be open. I had to flag down an airwoman exiting the building and have her go advise staff I was out front. One of the waitress' came out and eventually we got both door open and I entered got my Starbucks and returned to my table.

The only other issue I had was lack of power for my chair—the batteries are bad BUT I started out with a full charge and I figured I had enough power for the day. Wrong—by lunch (chicken ) I was dangerously low. And had to remain stuck in one spot all afternoon! Anyway I finally made it back home without being stranded—enjoy images from the airforce!!

The Wild Blue Yonder...

Tomorrow I am at the Air force Base all day taking part in an information fair. You know one of those events where every vendor who wants to sell something to people in wheelchairs or people who serve folk with disabilities i.e. sell stuff to ... congregate to see what's new. The air base is about fifty miles away and I have to be there about 7:00 o clock to set up my table. The problem I have is I really do not have anything to give away. Sine budgets have been so severely slashed I have not been able to replenish my trinkets and goodies I usually use to entice people to my table where I an then pounce and sell them on my program. So, today, with the help of our office administrator we made some pink brochures to pass out plus my business cards and that it.

I have done this gig before--I do it because my office mate, Amy is kind of in charge of it and she want to be sure that vendors attend....so I am there. Essentially all day--I leave at three to drive back to Salt Lake and maybe I can at least return calls and send out the email for broadcast Thursday. Sorry if I do not sound enthused...I'm not
!

What , Me Dead?

Saturday was a pretty good day for being cold and wet—slept in late and watched 127 hours—what a drag of a movie. I m still trying to get my head around the movie and the guy who got himself into the predicament he did: really cut your arm off. I suppose but the only one who would do something like that is someone dumb to have done everything else leading up to the event. 127 was so intense that DD and I had leave the house to unwind from the movie since we had to get the movies back to Redbox this was not a problem. It was then, going outside that we realized that even thought the sky was gray it was not really cold, actually the day was pretty nice so off we went to enjoy a Spring day.

We received a page of coupons, earlier in the week, for a place called Culvers, a fast food joint I had not seen in this area before the place looked pretty good. There is only one Culvers in Utah right now and it I located out in the West Jordan area and that where the Deseret Industries (DI) where DD wanted to explore so we figure we'd kill two birds with one stone. Culvers was Ok, not earth shattering as I had hoped. I was really hoping to find one of those family run old time hamburger joints where they still throw the hamburger buns in the hamburger grease and toast the bun in the hot oil but no such luck. Culvers looked like—and tasted like just the newest fast food chain to invade the State with homogentic fast food although I must admit the Culver basic burger was a shade more tasty then other like burgers n the area but I am still searching. The meal was OK but we both agreed we would never traipse all the way to West Jordan or the burger unless we were going over for another reason.

The West Jordan DI is one of the Churches mega DI's with all kins of junk to choose from and the place is a magnet for low income, and lower middle class from all over the Valley. Multiple languages, and kids fill the building—the toy isle is one giant free for all nursery. There are toys all over the floor mixed in with toddlers and pre-schoolers. There are about fifteen Hispanic, cowboy booted, cowboy hatted males lounging in the furniture section having some sort of a meeting lots of smiles, head nodding ad laughing as they wait for their wives wonder through the different DI departments. It seemed every aisle was crowded especially the book section ( where I usually migrate), every where I turned I was crushing someone's foot, hand bag or infant. I had to escape. I did a quick search for DD to let her know I was heading for the van and for her not to worry when she could not find me when it was time to leave.

The temperature has actually warmed a bit I found as I made my way to the van. The clouds had parted and sunlight was making its way to earth. My van is while so if I park myself next to my van and get not only the radiant heat but also the heat bounce of the van, refractive heat:perfect. So, I bundled my hood round my shoulders and tipped my chair back closed my eyes and listened....I heard voices of people walking by to and from the store, doors opening and especially slamming shut. I even head sea gulls wondering round above me and then I think I drifted off to sleep until my arm was jerked by some Latter Day Zionist asking if I was OK. I HATE BEING WOKEN THIS WAY. And responded that I had been OK until she woke me. I never say stuff like that but I did my comment was laced with irritation.

I guess I could have been in trouble—did she think I was dead or something? The good Samaritan huffed her way back to the store and I tried to get comfortable again but my moment had passed. I righted my chair and headed back into the chaos—thinking not a bad Saturday.

The Rest off the Stoy

He bank folk said they were going to call me back when they notified someone at my branch but since Dianne and had planned on going out anyway an stopping by the bank on the way to pick up Anakah and we did. The problem was solved swiftly and of course the error seemed to be me. It seems I have my checks direct deposited in to my account and the account I have set up is a money market account which I then have to go in and move the funds over to 'Checking” its a bit of pain but I have gotten used to it over the years. The issue is or was that I have to leave at least once cent in the account or the computer shuts the account down when all the money is moved out or “zeroed out”. So I had my money just sitting somewhere in my account but I could not see it. The bank lady moved my funds to checking and reopened my account and al id good. I am just glad I found the problem before I was bouncing all over town—this was a close one. And that is the rest of the story.

Where's The Cash??

So, i go to transfer funds from my money market to checking and there is no money in the account--some home my money Market has been closed and my deposit is sitting at the bank and not where it needs to be working and making it safe for Dianne and I to use our checking account--so now I am waiting for branch bank to call and get this worked out--this is a real pain in the butt--more later.

Saving My Bacon

Why is it the harder one focuses on a task the more difficult the task becomes? We had another “Save Meadowlark's job” meeting last Thursday and it was decided that I would once again rebirth my self and make my office something the rest of the State want's to be part of. We continue to look toward technology for this saving grace. There continues to be interest in the semi-weekly broadcasts –the interview show I have been doing. We now have more then sixty filmed and in the archives. I like doing the interviews the producing and management is getting somewhat tedious but I keep turning the shows out.

One of the results of last Thursday's meeting was I am to produce a series of five minute shows illustrating :”how tos” for people with disabilities. This sounded pretty interesting and something I thing I could do, might be fun and even valuable to some of our funders. Something we could put together then host on You Tube or other INTERNET self video publish provider—there are tons. Anyway I got the task with first product to me examined tomorrow Thursday. I of course did nothing on the project until yesterday except think about the project. I actually changed to the topic which was how to work with Vocational Rehabilitation to how to get a designated parking plate.

I was alone for most of yesterday here in the office—the main Council held its monthly meeting in some remote corner of the state leaving me and Amy to host the office which means basically me since Amy is out in the community a great part of the time. The staff was gone Monday and Tuesday so while I was alone I decided to use the quite and private time to begin filming the first project. I am going to film this project with a cam corder or with my little red camera and then edit the takes and put the whole mess together. So, I have started with the camera on the lap top and Movie Maker which came bundled with my lap top. The process is slow going and now with staff back in the office the going maybe be even slower still but I hope to have something to show. by tomorrow afternoon.

So, I truly believe this project will fun but be a lot of work and who knows, maybe just the thing to save my bacon.

Heal! Damn You, Heal!!

I did it again, I spent nearly the entire weekend down, off m,y butt in bed trying to heal wounds before the wounds get so bad I wind up back in the wound clinic or worse in surgery for butt repair. I am sorry I am so focused on my rear and how much time I am spending off of it---it's just my wounds seem to be foremost in my life at present. If my skin is not right I am not right which means I am in pain and/or worse having to miss work, go to the doc's, hospital etc. And seriously I am not a boob, I do not believe I am hypochondriacal.

Even though I did spend a of of time down I di manage to go out to breakfast on Saturday and spent some time watching watching Ani an Dianne play pin pong at the Murray Rec Center where I did something stupid (which I figured out later). I was bored and playing with my cell phone and put as my update atone point Help! I am being held hostage at the Rec Center. Really not thinking anything of it but about fifteen minutes later I started getting responses from folks asking if I was OK. Only then did I realize the words written could have be misconstrued as a desperate cry for help or assistance!! I quickly sent a note indicating I was OK and for no one to worry, there were no rampaging gunmen at the Murray Rec Center.

But this weekend was a good weekend to be down, clouds and snow fell , what felt like , non stop through the weekend. I cannot believe I actually went out but I did. I ave been sitting for six some odd hours and I can tell my skin is taking a beating, I am lifting, tilting in place and thinking light and hoping this coming weekend will be better then the last...

Conference Afternoon

Snow fell during the night, a lot of snow, at least eight inches of snow and the looks cold and un-inviting outside my front room writing window. Snow fell all morning too but now the skies are bluing up in patches, the snow has stopped and the snow is beginning to drop off branches and telephone lines in clumps as the birds sing and look round quizzically wishing they has a hand to scratch their heads. Yesterday, running up to this Spring storm the temperature s high as 74 degrees: the ground is warm ad so is the street pavement and the sidewalk concrete so the snow ,of course did not stick on these services. The snow is melting fast as the day's temperature races up to the low fifties. Spring in the Rocky mountain states.

It's Conference weekend in Salt Lake! It's World Conference. The sheep from all over the world gathers this weekend for meetings, shopping and eating like they cannot any other time of the year. The meander round don town Salt Lake City Temple Square between sessions. Bulging bellies in ill fitting clothes wander aimless downtown, clutching their scriptures looking for cheap food outlets. I usually avoid this scene at all cost but yesterday I found myself downtown, through no fault of my own. I had agreed to be on a panel for Skywest airlines a couple of weeks ago, actually, I got into this whole panel thing because of my boss. Skywest called on her to put this panel together and she in turn put the touch on me. I was charged with putting together panels one on Wednesday and the other on yesterday( Saturday). Skywest has had their employees in the town all week, thousands of people doing conference from 8:00 to 5:00. I ended up getting six other folks with disabilities to populate the panels. Of course, my boss bailed for the Saturday panel but that was all right. I had negotiated with Skywest who agreed to feed my people which I figured was only right for these folks many of who are low-income, giving their time and expertise. My Saturday session got out at 1;00 PM and the LDS Conference was already on their lunch break and I was astounded. The sheep were or should I say cattle were meandering without shepherds or cowboys. The majority had a distant lost look on their faces, I tried to avoid eye contact eyes which seemed to be searching for a prophet to lead them to a promised land of fast food, which would feed them, make them happy and allow them to return to Temple Square and into their place for the two clock session. By this time of the day I just wanted get as far as downtown as I could—I threw my power chair in gear and escaped to the train station heading South.

Change Day

Ep Tau

Tomorrow Is April first, April Fool's, someone's birthday I am sure and Utah Transit Authority (UTA) Change Day—one of two days during the year when the the local transit authority—bus company—makes adjustments to routes and more importantly when route drivers take over their new routes. Sort of like a transit musical chairs. The drivers are sort of like the low-men and women on the totem pole in the transit universe, which is actually pretty stupid since the drivers are the face of the agency for most of the public and for many of the public the only face of the authority.

Not that it matters but the drivers are union for the most part but being has not helped their plight too much. The driver system is a seniority system driver who have driven the longest has best shot at the prized route and times. It seems the UTA is all about split systems. New drivers are on the low end of the food chain the must suffer through a 'split work day. The drive may have a ten hour but that day will have two parts mornings from 6:00 to 10 and then have a four or five hour break and drive again 2:00 to 8:00 in the afternoon and evening. The work week will also be split one day on and one off then three days, or two days and another day off and another day and for those drivers driving 8 hour shifts their days get really crazy. I guess through out the year drivers have the option to bid on selected pieces of work and of course routes which might be more desirable to spousal and family life. But that's the way their system rolls, the longer you work at the authority the better the pie is. So anyway twice a year the customers has to also deal with “Change” some routes actually change, usually service is reduced by dropping actual bus stops or in some cases suspending service or routes entirely. JI suppose there has been instances where service has been restored but I have not heard of it direct or from n actually customer and then there is the (of late) constant fare increase and the newest way to scalp the passenger is the fuel surcharge the immediate “stick it to you” UTA management uses to raise fairs every time the middle East raises the price of crude.

But this all happens on “Change” Today, I said goodbye to our morning driver who has been driving my morning bus since last “change”. This driver is a South Sea Islander, Tongan. This bus is an early bus, it is the first bus on the route in the morning, beside me there are between four and five other riders this early riding to the train. This driver—I don't really know his name something like Ep'Tau. This driver is always happen, warmly welcomes you on his bus ad gives the customer the benefit of the doubt letting one use the excuse “the cat ate my bus pass” once but lets you ride. Since the wheelchair station is right by the driver we have talked a lot—he watches out for me crossing the street if I'm late and driving my power chair on and off the ramp of the bus. He even took my direction as I had to talk him through fixing my power chair one morning when the chair stopped working all the way in the back position.

But he is moving on “ Change”:the only constant and now I have break in another driver...groan.

Conference Chicken

Today I participated in a panel discussion for a local airline, a one hour cog of a larger wheel and on Saturday I participate in another panel for the same group but with different folks. Today we presented to about seventy 'above wing” staff who might have reason to interface with folk with disabilities; tickets sales, boarding crews and baggage folk. Today's efforts was culmination of a couple of weeks work. My boss pulled me aside and asked me to put together these panels which I was able to do fairly simply. I know the folk and I made the calls and got the commitments straight away. One blind gut, two pretty involve people with CP, two spinal cord injuries and a little person and each one is gregarious as hell. I really did not think of that when I got their agreement. I just wanted the panel populated as soon as possible

There were four of us on today's panel, my boss, me, Andrew and Everette. Andrew is thirty something and has a good case of athetoid CP, he uses a power chair for mobility and gets round the city and county very well. He is also highly verbal and very bright and works as a legal advocate. He travels a lot for someone who is as involved with CP as he is, Everette is an Assistive technologist for the state center for the blind, me = Mr I&R for disability questions and my boss who is director of the local DD council and she also travels a great deal with fold who are DD. We spoke for an hour to a packed room. We each gave a small bio and then opened the panel up questions. One of the participants sort of monopolized the microphone but I think no one cared, this was easy duty and a free hot lunch.

The lunch was hot and tasty: grilled chicken breast over a rice pilaf with lemonade or ice tea, hard rolls with butter balls but no desert( which I thought kinda of strange ) but not a big deal. When I set up the panel I specifically asked if a meal was included for the panel participants which they were happy to provide. Some times for people with disabilities , a hot meal is the best one can hope for. The airline lady had to get back to me but in the end the caved and we got out chicken on rice. I did not think much of it but two of the panel participants went out of there way to thanks me for lunch which kind of shocked me. I just thought the event was fun and got me out of the office and a hot meal even if it was Conference Chicken.

We do it again in Saturday, my boss and me and with the other disabilities mentioned. She be good weather, Spring weather with temps I the low 60's. Again, it should be fun—I think I'll take the train—Hum I wonder what kind of Chicken will be served.

Who?

I have been trying to locate someone from my past for a couple of years now. Since Face book has come on the scene I have been able to locate a number of folks I thought I would never be in contact with again. One way I have done this little it of detective work is to think of someone we knew in common, a friend or family member and search for them and maybe they will lead me to the person I am searching for.

Dennis is on of the guys I grew up with, he was strange like me but only a lot smarter. Dennis was a year older, socially inept but Ok to hang round. I have been trying to get hold of him for years to no avail—So yesterday I remembered a couple brothers in the same ward as Dennis and I and maybe they might be in contact with Dennis. I was pleased when after I entered their name into the FB search engine their pages with images and everything popped up. I cannot believe I had not tried to contact Norman or Duncan before. Of course they barely resembled them selves as I remembered, but they still lived in the same city, same high school so they had to be the same. These kids were first generation English and this was the time of the Beatles which made them that much more cool. I was not close to either but I knew who they were.

So I was surprised when I got the message back from Norman that”he should know me but tell him more.” At least he responded even if he barely remembers me. I have sent back more biographical detail and we'll see. I think getting to know Normal will be fascinating he had definitely changed as have I but maybe just maybe he can lead me to Dennis .

I think I am ready to work

Its the flux period of Spring—that time when any kind of weather may show up—like to day there has been rain, sleet snow and of course, snow; the only season not showing is summer. No, warm to hot temps. I have been sitting at my desk freezing all day. I left my FBI hat at home but luckily I had an old scarf laying round and I have been wearing that all day like a little old women from Russia.

I am pleased to announce that it looks as if I am good to go for another year! My boss emailed staff last Thursday that one of the State hold out got funded better then anticipated and looks like they will be funding me another year. I spoke with my boss this morning and she assures me the the heat is not off just turned down a little, which is OK—I think I am ready to work.

I Feel A Little Bleached

I really do want to make a long juicy post but I am just too tried right now. I have been out in the elements all day busing and traxxing going to and from meetings. A cold wind has been blowing and there has been intermittent snow flurries and for the most part I have been fine but I am feeling just a little bit bleached.

Process

Today has been a crush!! A typical Monday, with enough stuff going wrong that the whole days seems in jeopardy. I am having a battle with the medical center where i take my rehab services. I have been trying to get some prescriptions changed it the process has been nothing but pain. i just hung up the phone again with them and we are going tto get the scripts aent through again but th process is driving me nuts!!!

DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS!1

Tony was back in my office Wednesday, this was the second time this week. Tony wanted some support to help him try to keep his apartment which he rents through one of the local housing authorities. He wanted some help to fill out his annual housing authority document indicating he was who he is a mentally disabled, low-income person who is scarred shit-less of the System. The system which. I sadly, am part. As most of you know, I am an information and referral specialist. I tell people where to go: people with disabilities who need services to survive I am the System.

Tony wandered into my office, first a couple of years ago,and that visit was simple, I referred him to some housing options and some other options like where to get food stamps and where to get food boxes. You must realize, I DONOT DO CONSUMER SUPPORT!! Consumer support is something social workers, housing coordinators and support coordinators do—not me. I used to do that, and I don't like doing that—I was a housing coordinator for the independent living center in Salt Lake City. I tried to empower my consumer as much as I could trying to get them to do their own work as much as possible as being “independent as possible”. Really, I just don't like doing this one to one stuff—getting 'real' with the people. It's just too messy. So, Monday of this week when he walked past my window I knew Tony was going to come into governor's council office and then they would send Tony in to me, and sure enough that is exactly what happened.

Tony lives on subsidized housing, the Feds basically pay 2/3s of Tony's rent. Apartment owners and land lords love it. One of the most widely used programs is called “Section-8”. Section-8 is easy and in many cases guaranteed money. The money goes directly to the property owner and everyone is happy. But once year the property must be inspected by the Fed to make sure the Consumer and the Fed is not being taken advantage of. In many way the process is traumatic to the renter. He is usuall y notified with a document left hanging on the front door t their apartment or slid under the door—traditionally these folks have learned paper taped to their doors or slid under those doors is 'bad news' never 'good news', their world is going to get messed up one way or the other.

Tony is in his late forties or early fifties, most likely a candidate for mental heal services if not being developmentally disabled. Actually, I think Tony is pretty bright, but has been trained by the 'system to act a dumb as possible. On the initial visit of the week, I looked at his document, a pretty standard piece of Apartment crap which management wants filled out. The document is pages long with lots of print ans spaces to be filled in and signatures to be written and then returned. Tony needed help filling out document—which I was not the person to assist. I sent him to the Housing Authority, IL even the Community Action Program. The first visit of the week I spent a half hour with him and sent him on his way.

Tony returned on Wednesday clearly agitated and once again filled my office with presence and aroma. No one wold help him and he had to get it done or they would kick him out. Why couldn't the world jutst leave him alone—he I not going to be responsible if they pushed hi too far. I took the document read through it and noted the document had to be filled out and returned to management by the end of Friday. Tony had just a little more then two days to fill out the document.

Wednesday, I was under the gun, my boss had returned to work a day a head of when I thought she was and I was still reeling from the Intervention! I had phone calls to return and new calls coming in I was swamped. I did not need to do client support on this of all days. But if I did not do it—it, was not going to get done and sometimes you have to do what you don't want just to get by.

The document was simple, EZPZ, but the ore I sat with Tony and helped him answer the questions and check the appropriate boxes the angrier I got thinking of how stress this was on Tony, and me in the day when I rented and seemed to always be getting 'notes' on y front door. I remember how returning home from work on a Friday afternoon getting such a note would wreck my entire weekend. But we got the task done—I even made a copy for tony instructing Tony to keep the document somewhere safe to 'spring' on the land lord(manager) if the original he turned in should mysteriously come missing,

Tony thought having a backup was great! In an instant Tony had become empowered, in a small way had be able to take a little control over his life. Tony had learned something which evened the playing field just a little—he had a chance.

Tony was a little bit different when he left my office, he still smelled, had three days stubble on his face but Tony was a little bit stronger. Tony was going to save his apartment and live there another year—even if we wanted to go 'month to month'. I am sure I will see Tony again, sooner then later. I did something I knew better then to do—I “fed” the animals and if you feed the animals enough they always come back.

The Icredible Vanihing Me

Yesterday when I went back to the coffee machine to get my second cup of coffee I was ambuhed into a work intervention--you know: an intervention where people who care deeply about you get you alone, usually surrounding you and then confronting you with'straight' talk till you do the correct thing.

I have been charged by the boss for a couple of months to come up with a plan which will re-invent me and my job so my funding agenciees will flood back to me and give me large amounts of money. I have not come up such a plan because I don't have anything t sell the agencies which would want to make them buy back into to our program. I could try to old razzle dazzle , which is basically 'smoke and mirrors' selling the vendor something which just is not there. I sorta have an issue with that. The boss then charged one of my office mates to assist me. This person is incredible and highly motivated sort of "Rah Rah" but I have alot respect for this person. I pretty much avoided her as well as Frank, money guy in the office , ho also, got the assignment to talk to and reinvent me and that is what brought about yesterday's
intervention. I tried to passive aggress my way out of the event no go. I finality agreed to try doing it there way was doing a surrounding state survey to see what they are doing for the ame sort of project I am involved in. I learned some things of interest most of which is that i doubt i will be working here after July and I really am not all that worried which is a little puzzling to me I think I will still be employed...just not here.

so the boss is back her trip today and still nothing has happened--I think we are all just waiting till the end game starts when we find out just how much money, if any, the legislature left which makes me feeel more and more invisible.

All Day Long

Its been a long ten hours but I have been here all day an I am a bit worried that i have been on my butt too long but we'll have to see but the day has been a little exciting. Over lunch the Front desk person came back reporting there tons of cops at the Apartment house(building ) next door so I had to go check and sure enough there were. I did not see Coroner's unit but the Speial Crimes Unit was there so something bad went down.

It's almost time to go home and there is so much daylight left I cannot believe it!!

Buy Me Buy Me Buy Me

It's been a pretty good weekend all things considered. I have been being good being in bed a lot of the weekend and giving the butt a good rest but i was up a little. We even went to breakfast with Anakah and later BARNES AND NOBLE. I am amazed at how many kids were there with parents on actual book quests, even more interesting was to see how many kids were putting on the 'BUY ME' pressure on the parents to buy more books then initially agreed upon. I used to see this behavior in the toy isle or the candy isle at the market but never at the book store...very interesting. Remember turn the clocks ahead!!

Up a Little Down a Little

I am changing my lifestyle. I am not sure that I like the change but slowing down a little and taking care of my of my skin is a lot better then having the be down for months and having to endure surgeries to try to combat the ravages of skin breakdown.

Friday I had my DDS(Division of Determination Services) Advisory Board meeting not a bad assignment--the lunches range from hot to cold but they are usually good--I have even grown to accept the potato bar. I even like the sandwich bar we had on Friday multiple cuts of meat and really great breads to choose from not a bad lunch. One of the members to the board is a quadriplegic fellow from Logan, Utah--a very forthright academic who takes his job very seriously. His quadriplegia is much more involved then mine but his involvement downs not stop him one day I'll write more about Gordon. Gordon is really is really a piece of work. Anyway over the winter months a and now with the cost of everything especially fuel escalating Gordon and others from the Logan have been joining the meeting by telecommuting of one sort or another. Friday he informed the rest of the Board that he was going in for skin surgery Monday. It seems that Gordon has a major skin condition or butt sore much worse then mine. The surgery to do a 'flap' a procedure where a flap is manufactured from the patients body and sewn over the wound in hopes of curing the wound taking monsterous amounts of time in bed and a significant amount of risk to the patient. Gordon has been through a couple of these surgeries--I do not envy him and appreciate what he is facing by what i have just experienced even though what I have experienced is 'nothing ' compared to what Gordon is. I hope all goes well for Gordon and that Gordon can rejoin his life in six months or so.

So yes I am changing my life style--more pressure releases and time down in bed--every day maybe. Today all wounds have healed and I want to keep them that way...closed. so more trips to the Doc, weight releases, better equipment and a commitment to being well. Good luck Gordy!!

Easy Does It

By way of explanation as to why I have not been posting the past couple of days is my continuing saga of the butt. I am really trying to be more proactive, adult and self supportive and that end I have been leaving the office early—all week. Last week I felt and DD informed me that I was experiencing some skin breakdown: a wound had barely appeared on my but and no matter what I did—except get off my butt—the wound just would not go away. So I have been getting off my butt when ever I can with the hopes the wound will heal swiftly. I was in bed pretty much all last Sunday and I have been leaving work early each day to scurry home and hop into bed. Really, this is the most committed to heading off pressure I have ever been.

I hate bed rest right up there with dental specifically root canals. I don't know why but, there is just something about waiting a loosing day, week or life just laying around. And I'll do what I must to avoid anymore down time then I need. But I have been being good an so far the result have been favorable. The wound I have been combating are all but healed leaving the wound site tender and I suspect vulnerable. Hopefully next week I will experience much more “up-time”. And that I what has been happening...I have not posted from the office since I knew I a running shorter days I had to get things done. I did not post from home because I was going straight to bed once I got in the door so there was no time to work at my home lap top. Luckily I have a good novel and I have been able to devote lots of time to reading.

So the wound I closed but I am still taking it way easy—Just want to stay up in my chair longer and enjoy the Spring which is finally breaking into the areea.

All Summer Long

Yesterday was sunshine and and warm temperatures; this early Spring weekend. The day was not THAT warm but warm enough to drive me out of the house and toward the garage and to look at the mess of a wood shop that I keep there next to the house. I hope to be able to spend more time out in the garage this Summer making sticks and sawdust. I was in the garage looking for my tools and wood product to make a couple of hooks to help me in my feeble attempts to live more independently then I have as of late.

I, at one point in time, had twenty or thirty hooks made and ready for sale. The sales never came and I used the hooks as gifts, prizes at various private non-profit fundraisers and ofcourse assists, to me a person with a disability, to easier live my life. I have written of this before but by in large the reason the hooks came to be was to have an excuse, for me, purchase tools and collect wood scrap. But to surprise I have gone through almost all of the hooks I turned and sanded. Now, I need more hooks and that means I have to access my garage wood shop.

To me the first acceptable weekend of my wood season is always filled with frustration and hope and I venture out to the garage. I hope to just get out intothe garage an do some prep work but I have come to expect that being able to get in and start working will be impossible—at least three national holidays, family and friends visits associated with those holidays has caused items to be moved to the garage for storage or until the holidays run heir course. I hope I will be able at lest get to the far corner of my wood bench, the corner of the wood bench where I have the vises mounted and tools I use the most scattered: the hand saws, power drill and various rasps, files and sand paper. If I can get to the end of the bench I can do th basics like vise-up and cut sticks the lengths I want to start working on The garage I open however this Spring is chaos. I have to begin a constant slow burn of pressure to family for assistance in getting this handed to me or plugging in that till I have my space accessible to thee point where I can turn a rough piece of oak, poplar or pine into a hook. Some time I tun up the heat a little more then others but I have to be patient and remember there will always be another weekend. My goal this year though is to start early in the hopes of getting out early and enjoy my garage wood shop all season long.

Some day I am going to have heat in the garage, The garage will be cleaned out to the point where I will enter and start to work. Someday I am going to use the 220 outlet in the garage for something productive and I am going to have power outlets ALL around the garage so I will have power anywhere I need it..Oh, yeah I am also going to have power always on to the garage—day or night.

But yesterday I got out there and saw what I have to do. I got a couple of the last hooks moved them into the house, one I'll take to work the other I'll use round the house but soon, a couple more weeks I will be out in the garage making sawdust an happy feeling...all Summer long.

RIP

I think I had better more explain the “RIP” quote post I uploaded yesterday. It all started last week when I could not not boot my computer, here at the office, when I came in the morning. I did not think too much of the issue since I was busy with some other projects. but I was a little irritated since I was not able to track my data. So by late Wednesday so last week I had had enough frustration and I did open up a ticket with State Information Technology (IT), which means I make a call to the “trouble line” an usually with in an hour someone calls me back and asks some question and if they cannot fix the issue they will send out one of the IT people, who usually doe a good job of finding the problem and getting me back in the game of work. By ten o clock the next morning, Cindy, our tech support person was out and went through the whole bit,”as the system plugged in”, “Are th drive free of materials” and on and on all the things I have learned may prevent my computers from booting up over the year and none o these thing worked.

Cindy had been watching me go through the boot up process over my shoulder and what she saw interested her to the point that I knew I needed to power up my chair and back away from the system Cindy was taking the challenge. With me safely out of the way Cindy dived into the ritual of saving the system. Was using all her secrete signs and codes on the little computer, and nothing seemed to work. Cindy worked the little CPU over for about thirty minutes and announced she was going to have to “bench it” meaning she was going to have to physically take the system over to her office where I guess things are set up for the heavy duty work: brain surgery. Cindy did assure me that something was definitely wrong and she feels the hard drive may have crashed. Really, this did not alarm me too much, I really did figure that if Cindy could not figure out what how to reboot the system surly she had a way to access hard drive and harvest data I have been compiling for years. I really, Cindy is state IT they can do anything computer related. So my little HP was headed to CPU hospital and I found out later to CPU heaven.

Luckily I have a back up system, literally a back up system, in fact, I have two, I have a little Compaq which was used by Tory—or the other operator—before she left and I also have the lap top we got a couple off years ago but has only been used for broadcasting our INTERNET interview show. So the lap to is basically new and one of the better machines in the office. Cindy plugged in the Compaq and I was back in business sorta. A computer like shoes or glasses is something a person has to get used to, especially a computer. Each system is different and doe things their own way and since we though the computer switcheroo was only temporary I did not think to have the printer installed or the “Groupwise” ( State- E-mail system) configured to work off this computer, my stored passwords are gone and my bookmarks too!! I can access my State e mail if I come into the Groupwise via the INTERNET and I can at least read my emails and write emails but I cannot access my “Address books” I can store appointments to the calendar and other little things. Late Thursday Cindy called and let me know that my CPU had “pass on” the hard had crashed and there was nothing she could do and could not access any of the store data but her supervisor had ordered some special software and the supervisor wanted to try to glen some of the data if possible.

It was late in the day on Thursday my Friday so I figured what the heck I'll wit till monday to get back up and running and maybe if they can save some of my number I'll be OK.

This has been a busy week and I have had meetings away from my office forcing me to spend a good bit of time on public transit and I was half expecting to get back from my meetings Tuesday to have resolution to my issue but no Cindy, I called left a message and a little before closing Cindy called and let me know that her supervisor's “hail Mary” had indeed failed and my little HP was indeed flatline and we just better move on.

So here it is on Thursday and I am waiting for Cindy to show up and we can do th grand switch to the laptop, install Groupwise the way n it is supposed to be and , yeah, Cindy was all “let's get you a docking station for the lap top, she thought she had some laying round from employees who have”moved on”. I have calls in for her and hopefully she'll turn up later today. I really need to get some work done—this waiting is getting real old.

RIP little HP

Seriously. I AM going to write again soon but not today--things are just busy right now and FB and Twitter is the best I can do right now. I am trying to get anew system or working system at my office--my hard drive died with NOTHING retrievable...lets have a moment of silence...tip little HP !