Broken Heart

So there I am sitting like a dufuss as Katia sifts through my ever growing medical file and I see her actually blanch as she reads through the material garnered from my four day stay in the hospital last August. She just sort of stared at my chart talking to herself saying something like ‘ I cannot believe I did not see this’. Clearly she is reading something important and I am just sitting there. I sense Dianne is concerned as well but I am oblivious watching the scene unfold, like watching an episode from “Grays Anatomy” except I am one of the actors, guest star, of the week.


I have had a couple of days to ponder and research the world of pericardial cysts, Dianne has been researching as well and on first blush things look better then they sounded but because my pericardial cyst presents with complications everyone seems more concerned than I would like. I am trying to compartmentalize the issue and stash it away in its little place until the issue needs closer scrutiny or action. But, still, this pericardial cyst is new territory something really pushing on my comfort zone and just maybe drop me further into the medical/healthcare system.
So here I sit here, answering phones, and dancing round medical websites on pericardial cysts and how they may influence my life. I am waiting for the doc to call and let me know what the next course of action will be. I kinda hope I don’t hear anything until Monday allowing me to have at least a great weekend.

Comp Socked

Yesterday was the follow up appointment at the  medical center for the time I spent in the hospital over this last August and since I have the “sitting” consult a couple of weeks ago—no big deal right? I cannot say the event was horrible but I can say I came away more displeased then I thought I would be.  I was fortunate in that Dianne was able to attend as my “Medical Advocate” (MA). Dianne is a great MA in that Dianne reads, loves to research and actually do the work to “help” the medical professional provide the best medical service possible.

I love my medical provider—Katia is a European P.A. for an MD who sort of specialized in spinal cord injuries. I rarely see the Doc and mainly just the PA and that is just as well. I can tell she really likes me too but she just won’t let things go. For months if not years she has been trying to get me in a pair of compression socks—my feet tend to retain  water, lots of water, huge puffy blocks at the end of my legs.  Medical professionals  who she my fee for the first time always tend to freak out a little. My feet don’t not hurt or cause discomfort—the feet just look weird and I can live with odd looking feet. Katia always want me to wear the damn compression sock.

Compression socks are socks which are super tight and go all the way up to the knees and pushes the water  and blood back up out of the legs and back into the circulatory system. Everyone except me thinks that is important. Each appointment when the subject of compression socks  would come up, I would look at her pathetically and shake my head that I would not be interested and usually be on my way but not yesterday. One of the main issues I have with comp socks is that are so elastic and tight I do not have the hand function to get the socks on or off independently. So once the socks are on they will stay on until I can find someone to take them off  and since I love to go naked, any chance I chance  the comps will totally limit my ability to be free. Usually I can passive aggress my  way out of these tight situations; I would just not buy the items and be done with it till my next appointment.  Not yesterday, before I could protest she had a package of brand new socks ripped open and had her nurse and Dianne wrestling the tight fitting garments on to my feet. I don’t think there is one thing which makes one feel older then compression socks!!

I have flesh colored compression socks on, I really don’t feel that different yet but I slept in the socks all night long and actually my legs have felt a bit better this morning and I am wondering just wondering : is this another example of me fighting the system, like the catheters, that after I started using them I felt so much better.

I feel I am just loosing so much control over my life and then my PA dropped the bomb, she mentioned she had not noticed a paragraph on my chart which indicated that I have a pericardial cyst –I visibly saw Katia turn white which gave me pause and that is another story.

Some One make me write Please!!

I have done it again, lets a week go by with out any entry to the blog, without any good reason I guess except just laziness. Long days of getting up late and working on the “net”, reading and trying to be artful—with ink and charcoal, video and image—I really like the image development . I did actually get dressed and DD drove me round to the art store, liquor store and regular market. I got a lot of items I had been wanting and thinking I needed for months. I really want to do some drawing and other imaging the next couple of weeks.



So one major out of the way and one more and then the end of the year then just a few short days before I shall actually retire and that is just weird. I really have to start thinking about what I am going to do when I am set free—so much to think about. Really, I just hope I will be able to enjoy the time—any time I have left.

Thanksgiving Week

Blog--November 18, 2012 Sunday

It's Sunday night, and I am preparing to go back to work tomorrow. It's a short week, it's Thanksgiving week so three days of work the holiday and then Friday which is a day of work but not really. I'm sure the calls will be coming in and the calls will be desperate as the calls always seemed to be when calling 211 – – the last vessel of hope for many of these folks. But still I'm sure most of the plate administrative team will be out on holiday so even with the grim calls I'm sure there'll be the day will still be a lite day and then the weekend.

Spent the day, naked working on the house, washing dishes messing around the computer room and washing the shower door in the bathroom. The shower door also acts as a full-length mirror and has gotten pretty spotted and dirty with the splashing water over the last year or so and I've had a mind to take some windex to it for some time. I got to the job today I did the best job I could for this late today but I'm pretty tired and just give it the once over. I also swept out the bathroom and I want to get to somehow scrubbing the floor shortly but probably not today. I have the pleasure of knowing the door looks better than it did.

DD is prepping for colonoscopy I do not envy her but has to be done. I've done it twice now and on both I have been lucky nothing has turned up that should not of been there. I hope and pray DD is as lucky as me. Bridget, lovely Bridget, will be taking her mom back and forth from the procedure tomorrow. It is really nice to have family around to help out on these kinds of things. Bridget and Gabe have been bringing dinner over the past couple weekends that is nice. Many times the meals are not what we would've eaten that still the food has been good filled with protein and love. I am wondering as Dianne I age if this is how things will go more and more support from the kids. I don't know if it's the way it's supposed to be that somehow feels right. Family, near and far, taking care of each other the best they can.

So pending on the immediate outcome of the colonoscopy and our energy levels we will get the bird out of the freezer start defrosting. I have not heard of any major get-togethers for the holiday which is okay. If nothing else Dianne and I both have the perfect little Thanksgiving dinner and if we have others all the better. But as of yet, nothing is planned. It's Thanksgiving week the rain fell today the temperatures have risen and the snow that fell last week is gone. Life goes on and tomorrow I know there will be call after call after call looking for the free Thanksgiving basket which includes all the fixings for a perfect American Thanksgiving dinner.

Friday Afternoon

The real question is: is  this position I inhabit here at the 211 space really a position I would take if I had to take the job as a real position. It’s really a question I have been wrestling with—I have to watch how I verbalize about the parent organization, after all I am a guest here at 211and I truly need to be here until February. We lost a long time staff member last week, we are still not sure what happened, all I know is that she was basically walked her out of the building.  Pretty spooky stuff for a small I+R call center.  Her postion opened up today but I don't think any current staff are very interested in the position, one maybe andf I think this person would be a good fit.she has to pray about it. I coud say a lot more but I won't...

Half-Day

Half day today, I am up to the U co a seating consult with my P.T. at lunch for the rest of the day. I am on the bus riding the system and hopefully enjoying the day and hopefully the chair will respond OK--New batteries which is cool but the batteries still don't hold a charge worth crap, so I am sitting here charging getting ready the trip at lunch time.

Ready to Go...

The cold is back I am up dressed and out in public once again and found my first dip into the winter reality I now indure kind of and exciting--the snow fell all weekend but accessing transit was not too bad this morning just a lot of snot snow. snot snow is ice formed as the snow melted and then refroze into rigid ruts of hard surface.  I roll mainly in the street anyway and the streets are gennerally clear of snow following th first day--I have my new batteries and new tires and I am just fine. Gloves, coat and hat and I ready to go...

Cold!!!

I Didn't Do It

I have blogged a little bit about how I tend to be Mr Distructo—seems everything I touch seems to break—maybe not immediately but sooner or later. I have been somewhat challenged to accept this truth about myself but the truth is I am a destroyer. I don’t know how far or deep this personality flaw of mine extends. I am a bit frightened to explore this I don’t know if I could bare what I might find.

I continue to wait for the latest part for my wheelchair to arrive. I have been limping round for a couple of weeks not with one peddle and I must admit I have been getting round better than I had anticipated I would. I am experiencing a little discomfort but all in all I am OK. Yesterday when I went to my 1030 bathroom break I put the seat to the commode down—do really force full and I was shocked when half of the seat broke off. Now, I know I did not do this—I really don’t know how this could have happened to break like the seat did—true I touched the seat last—or was I set up?? Get out there and vote

Monday and I Am Pathetic

I am so pathetic to have written so little by this time of the month, no excuse except too much wine and friends over the weekend--Thank you Sandy and Nuchine( I am sure that is wrong and i shall correct later) for stopping by and taking us to dinner and wine--we have missed you so much and was so  good to see and visit, cannot wait till December.

All is well, no traumas, health issues major problems--first group of monthly letters out a few to go but it is Mondy and I feel fine.