Stick It !

I think I spoke of this issue a bit earlier about how, after my visit to the doctors a couple of weeks ago, she wrangled a medical good sales man to send me a box of catheters!! So this huge box of catheters have been sitting on the dining room table for a week or so and Dianne finally moved them to the computer-where all my stuff ends up usually. Dianne figured I would never use them, because I said I would never use them but I think my comments were fear reactions of having to deal with more disabilities related issues then I have had deal with for forty some years. I see this as regression to being more dependent and my own belief that because I have not had to deal with these issues I was not having issues even though Dianne and my practioners have said that I am.

I have been “sneaking” up on this fear I have had of self cathing these past couple of weeks by watching self cathing videos on you tube, catheters vendor web sights and staring at the box and my penis come to the realization I was going to take issue in had and cath. Odd as it seems the root canal helped me come to grips with my fears. The root canal was so pain free that maybe I have grown past some of the fears I have harbored for years and with this realization I decided to try cathing , regardless of the pain and what ever and see what the effort yielded. Dianne has been helping me of course because I fear my limited hand function would most certainly contaminate the field and ofcourse Dianne gives me great moral support. We tried at first on Friday morning. The catheter seemed way too long for what I needed but we opened the device up and got it lubricated and inserted.

I was mildly surprised as how well the catheter entered my penis with far less pain or discomfort then I remembered. We plunged the device up the urethra and I was not going hysterical or writhing in pain or spazzing myself out of my wheelchair. We went in pretty deep, or so we thought but nothing; that was it, we pulled the pipe out perplexed. I felt sure this was proof that I indeed was draining my bladed as I should, and I did it and that was that. Dianne felt we had not done something the way we should. She could not believe we had gone in as deep as we had and not tapped the well. I had survived and I was just plain happy to have that behind me.

All day Saturday I considered the event and rehearsed my new mantra, “catheterization can only be good for me” and will help me live a better and longer life. So this morning when I got up. I could sense I had quite bit of urine residual so I took a deep breath and seceded to try again and see where we went. Dianne got the catheter unpackaged and lubricated and I steadied my nerves. This time I took a larger role in the whole process actually doing a lot of the insertion of the catheter in to the penis and boldly pushing further and further the latex free tube. I have to admit the sensation was not all the pleasant but not horrible either and suddenly water began pouring from the end of the catheter. I filled up a bottle and half urine before the flow trickled to a stop. I had drained my bladder for the first time in decades. I was amazed as I pulled the catheter out. I was Ok and shocked I had retained so much fluid.

The doc wants me to do this three times a day—I don’t see this happening, even once a day is better then nothing and that is how it will be one day at a time.