What ??!!!

I realized this morning that my Thanksgiving holiday is all but over and I a looking down the barrel of Christmas. I think I am going to enjoy this Christmas, more so then the others since I don’t know if this will be my last Christmas. This week I have more medical stuff to consider—the dental appointment on Thursday, that is just to get the final cap on my tooth. The tooth capping is no big deal but the following day, Friday I have the biopsy at University hospital. I really have not too much about tis event except that it was “hanging” out there like a black balloon just floating waiting to pop and let out all of whet ever is inside.

Actually, since the cystocospy went so well, I have not thought much bout the procedure coming up Friday—since the procedure is essentially the same except the doc “snips” a little here and a little there and that is about it. I know I am going under a general anesthetic but I really did not think going under an anesthetic was a big deal—that was until I was talking with my workmate, Frank when he asked if I were going to take anything off after the procedure. I mean one of the reasons I chose to have the biopsy done on Friday was I would have the weekend to recuperate—if I needed it. I did not think I would—I just did not want to take anytime off if I did not need to. Somewhere in the back of my mind exclamation points began to fire: just what doe Frank know that I don’t ? I just bluffed Frank, I was tough regardless and I would be OK .

Last night Dianne seemed a little concerned indicating how was I going to drive my power chair to get in the van after I have had my procedure? “More exclamation points firing off. Just what the hell is gong to happen to me that I am going to be so messed up that I will not be able to drive my power chair safely. I suppose I could push my manual wheelchair to the hospital andf back but that would be imperially dorky; and again, how messed up am I going to me and more important how much pain and misery is this procedure going to render?? And of course, I am in denial of what the procedure is actually for—resolving those “peculiar objects”Dr Myer saw in the cystocospy—I mean this is what should be blasting exclamation marks all over the page but strangely I am feeling OK. I suppose if the worst case does present itself I will just have to deal with it. I think if it is bladder cancer…I could cruise for quite a while before succumbing…I hope. Hopefully, the cathing and such will have calmed down the bladder and those fiery red walls we saw on the cystocospy will have settled down. Hope, hope hope.

I have yet to write any Christmas cards let alone any shopping. The temperature outside looks to be in the fifties. Now snow, kids riding bikes and skate boards in just their shirtsleeves—it looks like Spring rather then the first week of Advent. Oh well I am just excited to see this Christmas—and maybe even Spring.