Free Lunch

Perhaps I should not post this but I am going to—I don’t know why but I feel a bit angry—not a lot just a bit, because to be a lot angry would presume that I care.

I have just finished my “home work” for the weekend. I was tasked, by an official looking large brown envelope, which arrived earlier last week at my office, to read the enclosed twenty (20) plus “Letters of Intent”, “ grade them” and submit the results to host group. We then well have a meeting on Thursday where we will decide who, of the group, will be asked for a full blown grant proposal which we will meet again in a couple of months and award money to the best grants submitted. What has irked me over the years is that just a few people end up getting the money each year. Its not always the same group but enough that I have noticed a pattern and specifically those who don’t get any money. So some tend to always get bucks and some never get anything—their ideas are never considered.

I have a been sitting on this committee for nearly twenty years now almost as long as I have m lived in Utah. I got on he committee because I was asked, and the job I had at the time saw participation in such groups a vital part of the job. I don’t think my current boss thinks so, especially since this committee has never acted favorable on the grant requests she has submitted. But, I put down every year that my activity with this project, and other projects I was involved in as the time of the new executive director, is a vital part of my job description so I continue to attend and best of all eat their lunches. I have to admit one of the reasons I have stayed involved with this project as long as I have is they provide a Class A, usually hot lunch, Usually catered. Even when they have down graded to a cold lunch—the sandwiches have been excellent.

So, I spent my morning reading letters of intent and trying not to grind my teeth. The same old players submitting the same old letters probably getting the same old money. I am just a small cog in a larger wheel looking for a free lunch.

I am stuck home reading "letters of intent". Hopefully I can write more soon.

You Gotta Love Mondays

Gun in the mouth

I work as a phone operator. I take calls from people with disabilities who need assistance, services or direction regarding disabilities. I think I do this job pretty well and I have been doing this job, one way or the other, this state for over twenty years. I know things, and I know where things are at or in many cases where those things might not be act and sometimes that is important as where the things are at.

Today is Monday and on Mondays I do return calls and this can be time consuming so I was in the middle of returning calls when I got a call from someone who is on Kidney dialysis, someone who is older and someone who is getting more and more frustrated everyday he tries to find help in a system which is mean, unforgiving and cheap. He owns a mortgage with his wife and has just been making ends meet but that is no longer possible and he sees his options running out. He has been hoping his social security will ‘kick in’ but today was denied again and the person at Social Security advised that he call me—which he did. The guy needs money, short d simple, and there are no programs in our country, I know of which is going to help him out. I truly wish there were un less he can hook up with a church or rich uncle or game show which can infuse thousands of dollars into his bank account. It’s not out there.

We talked a long time on the phone. I gave him weak and embarrassing options in hopes something might spring up that either he or I had somehow over looked, nothing did and I doubt anything will. This gentleman’s wife is still working brining in some income but not nearly enough as the regular costs: mortgage, food, heat, gas is being over taken by all of the other costs especially the dialysis begins to reveal itself and somewhere something will have to give. Maybe just maybe social will come through but the gentleman was speaking with SS agent this morning who informed him that there will be no action on his case at least April, and the gentleman says, if that is the case the it will be too late—he says he will loose his house, which he equates with his life. He asked me to do some checking—which I will but I already know the answer. I this and he the calmly and matter-of-factly informed me the only option he could think of was putting the barrel of his in his mouth and pulling the trigger. I have heard this before and still freaks me out to some degree but I think I am becoming callous because I have gone on with my day following the conversation. I see his point, he is not crazy he is just being practical what else can he do? I felt sad as I disconnected the call but not for long because soon the phone rang and I had a new caller and a new problem…You gotta love Mondays.

Avatar

This image was taken with my cell phone on the train early in the morning coming into work on the train. I have see this lady a number of time. I call her Avatar because of the blue face. She gets this face when she gazes into this box she carries with her. At first I thought she had a computer with—and she might have—very blue screen. Avatar maybe one of the aliens which ride my morning train I have seen a number of them time to time. But Avatar is the only one who communicates with her home planet out in the open right on the train.

Blocker

For the most part the President’s day holiday was gray and a little chilly but what can one expect for a February holiday. The sun hid most of the weekend but we enjoyed the weekend just the same. We were fortunate to have one of the granddaughters over to spend the night. Last week we had gone to Hatch Family Chocolates—while at the candy store I purchased a box of almond toffee, a favorite of mine from my Boise days when my dad would get one box of Owyhee Almond Toffee each Christmas. The box I had purchased was almost a sample size and was gone in a flash. So with Anakah coming over we decided to take her and drive up to the “Avenues” where Hatch Family Chocolates are located, this time to get a larger sized box of toffee.

The chocolate shop was a bit of a zoo when we got there. We had to download me into the street since there was no designated parking areas available. Oh yeah, I was talking about zoo probably because he next day was Valentine’s Day and people do love to give chocolate as valentines. By the time I was down loaded the was a lull in activity allowing us to get inside the shop and find a place to sit. One must keep in mind this shop is housed in pretty old architecture and is not very accessible at all—BUT I am able to get my power chair inside without much hassle, it’s just maneuvering is the challenge. To access this property a wheelchair user my enter , what I believe is the rear of the building and come through a fairly narrow hallway to the front of the shop.

We found a table and sat down while Dianne and Anakah went up to the candy shelves and looked at the sweets and purchased. I bought a half pound of the toffee while Dianne and Ani got dipped strawberries, dipped candies and I think a banana split. As we sat there I noticed a couple walk up with their stroller and the bent down and released their child and carried him into the store into the store which was cool but then another couple pushing their perambulator into the store and totally blocked the exist of the shop for people using wheelchairs for mobility. What do people think? Do they think this is OK? At one time a blocked exit would have driven me crazy but I handled it pretty good. Luckily the aisle blocking family did not stay long and were gone when we were ready to leave. I was able though to get an image of the dad and the stroller blocking the path. I apologize for the quality of the image, I took the shot with my cell phone . I really cannot point my finger too much since the size of my chair is a major barrier in and of itself and I should not be throwing stones but still people think it through—I would leave my chair outside if I could walk but then I would not even need a chair…I’m glad to be back to work.

I'm sick of being Sick

I wish I felt better! I just a little under the weather. My stomach is unsettled and I have a bit of an a headache. This is bad was to spend my holiday weekend. Hopefully I will eat some yogurt and get back to feeling myself. More tomorrow...maybe

Just Doing My Job, Ma'am

This has been one of the mile long days, slow. The phones have been too quiet which really stretches the day as well. So I was doubly excited when the phone rang and I was greeted by Suparna from Juno—that’s right Juno Alaska ! One of the great things about my job is the duties might change from day to day. Really hard question of challenges that other folks wish not to deal with or cannot deal with, usually end up in my basket.

Seems that Suparna is the personal secretary for a traveling paraplegic(para) coming to Utah to train for the Para Olympics and as long as he is in Salt Lake why not take in a professional basketball game. Suparna was beside her self—she had been trying all morning to find tickets for the “disabled seating” options and could not find any way to order such tickets onlihne.
Long story, but I used to frequent this arena a lot when the professional hockey team used , what used to be the Delta Center ice. The Delta Center has a number designated seating for folks with disabilities. Personally I don’t think the seating is all that good but what do I know I hate organized sports and would generally read when I went to the games. Also what I also remembered is there always seemed to be a lot of able bodied folks seated in these sections who were not connected to anyone in wheelchairs. So I took compassion of Suparna who had been struggling with the website to no avail.

I hate organizations who are afraid to list real contact information on their web pages. These organization make finding their contact information a game . I mean someone like should get a prize when they get to speak with a real human. It took me awhile to figure it out but I finally found a number for someone, a real person at the Arena. I called and got “Mike” who informed that because tomorrow’s game is a “Lakers” game all the tickets have been sold out. Great. So I explained to Mike about the Para Olympian who was coming to Utah to train for the Paralympics and how good it would for this guy to be able to catch tomorrows game. Mike turned me on to Johnathon in “Public relations” and group seating and if there were any seats anywhere Johnathon would have them. I was loess then hopeful but I did call Suparna back and she was delighted. Suparna had something to tell her Para. I told her he should just show up at the game smile his way in. Some of those para shave the best smiles I tell you a great smile and a para Olympian he couldn’t loose. I asked Suparna to call me back to let me know how things turned out but I doubt she well. I will just become a misplaced or lost phone number when she finally gets everything squared away for her traveling para. But that’s OK, I did my job, went the extra-mile and got some action on an otherwise boring afternoon.

Wworrrk Till I Drop!!

I just found out a friend of got caught in an avalanche over the weekend snapped both legs, nearly died and now who knows how long he will me gimped up and the weird thing about it was he just recently resigned his position as director of a local non-profit agency here in town. He was going to take it easy, maybe do a little skiing, enjoy life a little before getting back in the grind then wham.

I suppose my friend should be grateful that he is not dead because that is what I usually see that happens to those folks who retire seeking to live to good life then wham, almost like clock they blow an artery, aneurysm, stroke or just wake up dead. If it was not so serious it would be funny. This evidence is the biggest reason I am going to continue showing up for work until they lock me out.

Go Saints !!

I hate Super Bowel Sunday so much hype for a silly game--its all artificial. The game is four hours away as I write this posting and the networks are all Super bowl pre-game. But having said this I must admit I will be watching the game today because Dianne wants to. She's from New Orleans and she supports the Saints and it will not hurt me to support Dianne.

We will be staying home to watch the game--we got some steaks Friday and we had pizza last night so we have leftovers and steak who could want more?

Fork In the Road

I got one of those calls this morning. You know a call that lets you know something that you just as soon not know, something you should know and possibly take some action on—but something I don’t necessarily want to take action on. This morning Maree called. Maree used to be my partner in this office. Maree now works for a private non-profit legal outfit here in the city doing very similar work as I do out of this office: information and referral and case preparation. Maree called to let me know of a position which is currently open and one she thinks I could fulfill.

I have known about this position for a couple of weeks now. A buddy, Andrew, I ride on the train with time to time has also let me in of the position being available. Andrew and Maree both are very concerned about me and my current position since the money I operate off of has become very, very soft an maybe non existent after this year’s legislature completes it’s cutting and blood letting. Something is going to happen I just don’t know for sure how what happens will affect me. I probably should be more proactive.

And even if I could “look round he corner”, and see that my current position were to be eliminated I don’t know if I would consider going over to the Law Center. I cannot believe I am saying this but I really don’t have a lot respect for law center—and why would I worry about respect if it meant a paycheck? But I do. I know how my staff feels about the center and I also know how other staff feels and I cannot see myself part of that organization. But, there is always the idea of ‘what if your working there could make that operation better”? Could I be part of the solution instead of part of the problem? I guess interview for the position and turn it down, but that does not sound right and fair but it feels like I should be doing something.

So here I am at a fork in the road I could go one way or another. Continue on with State employment for as long as I can—I have over ten years in the system or jump to a private non-profit and have to start on a completely new career track or worse do nothing and risk unemployment , benefits and boredom or put in for my social security and start retirement: late nights and sleeping in and taking life easy. I really don’t what this life style because I have seen too9 many others drop dead six months after slipping into retirement. So, I think I’ll let the position go and hang on to this for as long as I am able and if the worse case scenario happen I’ll just nose round till something else opens up, or better yet make some for myself. I am sure I can always get a gig doing telemarketing or something.

Caution:Items in Rear-View Mirror Maybe Closer Then They Appear:

Yesterday I celebrated my 59th birthday—I don’t know if celebrated in the correct word—maybe I should say “marked” because I really did not feel like celebrating. It was weird, I think this is the first birthday ever that I ever got bummed out for being another year older, but I did. I was so bummed I could not even enjoy going out for dinner. Dianne was on track all day with encouraging me to pick out a place for dinner—I could not. I eventually broke down and chose take out from the Panda Express which is just round the corner from our house. I was just too tired. Dianne had even baked a cake, a two layer cake with cherries in syrup on top, quite elegant. Gabe, Bridget and Anakah even dropped by for some cake and ice cream. They gave me the usually prank card and wished me the best and we enjoyed our time together.

I feel precarious now at 59, maybe that is the feeling of dread of have been sensing. Like death could comer at anytime. I mean it could have before but now, at 59, it seems more inevitable—before I was just a member of the Earthly crowd aimless milling round knowing death was out there but never making any real effort to meet the GR(Grimm Reaper) but now, turning 59 it feels like some how I have removed myself from the crowd and got in line for the elevator to the “Final destination”

Of course everyone thinks I am being stupid if not mellow dramatic and I almost agree with them, and today I feel much better about everything then I did yesterday and maybe a better night’s sleep helped a lot and I am back in the flow but I still keep looking over my shoulder because with the sure knowledge I am being followed…

Council

It's Council Day and we're up at the State capitol--it's going to be another lost day.

Chocolates and Little People

Everyday now, looks more and more like Spring. There has been enough time since the Winter solstice that I can see the time of daylight getting longer and longer each day as I travel back and forth to work and what light filters through the Salt lake City smog has a Spring like quality. Spring is coming!

I am done with January and I felt the difference as I traveled to the train this morning. I felt like I has passed through the coldest and darkest month of the year and even though February can be cold and dark the month is nothing like January. Saturday I was feeling restless, the sun was out and the snow was gone (even thought there had been a light sifting of snow early Saturday morning) and I wanted to get out. We had watched a program on the The Learning Channel over the holidays called the Little Chocalatier. A piece of reality TV showcasing a candy shop ran by two little people. It was a great show and since the shows airing we have talked about dropping by shop and checking it out. Then a couple of weeks ago we were talking about in the office and someone said they had heard the shop was going out of business. So we decided we better go while we could.

The company is called Hatch Family Chocolates (HFC)and is located in the Avenues section of Salt Lake City; an older part of the City where the esoteric and liberals pf the city live. I love the area and relish any reason to hang out up there. We found the shop easily, parked in their designated parking and soon were in side inspecting layer after layer of hand dipped chocolates . In the time we spent at the shop and the money spent at the shop Hatches Family Chocolates did not seem to be hurting for business. Dianne bought chocolates and I bought Almond Toffee and before we knew it we were in the game for 40+ bucks!! But it was fun. Steve Hatch was even working and we were able to visit with the little big star briefly. There is a small Tibetan restaurant next to HFC and we stopped in there for lunch. We were compelled to ingest real food before gorging out on 4o dollars of empty calories. The place is called Café Shambala, humble but good Eastern Food—they serve a full menu but the owner kept directing us to the buffet which was good enough chicken legs and rice.

It was a good day, we hobnobbed with the small and famous and found a new restaurant. Weekends don’t get better then this…do they?