Yesterday I celebrated my 59th birthday—I don’t know if celebrated in the correct word—maybe I should say “marked” because I really did not feel like celebrating. It was weird, I think this is the first birthday ever that I ever got bummed out for being another year older, but I did. I was so bummed I could not even enjoy going out for dinner. Dianne was on track all day with encouraging me to pick out a place for dinner—I could not. I eventually broke down and chose take out from the Panda Express which is just round the corner from our house. I was just too tired. Dianne had even baked a cake, a two layer cake with cherries in syrup on top, quite elegant. Gabe, Bridget and Anakah even dropped by for some cake and ice cream. They gave me the usually prank card and wished me the best and we enjoyed our time together.
I feel precarious now at 59, maybe that is the feeling of dread of have been sensing. Like death could comer at anytime. I mean it could have before but now, at 59, it seems more inevitable—before I was just a member of the Earthly crowd aimless milling round knowing death was out there but never making any real effort to meet the GR(Grimm Reaper) but now, turning 59 it feels like some how I have removed myself from the crowd and got in line for the elevator to the “Final destination”
Of course everyone thinks I am being stupid if not mellow dramatic and I almost agree with them, and today I feel much better about everything then I did yesterday and maybe a better night’s sleep helped a lot and I am back in the flow but I still keep looking over my shoulder because with the sure knowledge I am being followed…
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