Time For Change

A couple of days ago I had what is called a home evaluation. The home evaluation is a procedure where a licensed occupational therapist shows of your home and does a walk-through to examine the possibilities of your home environment is becoming more accessible and more usable to you. In this case me. Now, this is the first time I have ever dealt with anything like an occupational therapist come into my living environment. This whole event is a major event for me. I think it's sort of means I'm getting ready for the next step in my new life of retirement. Granted this is more an issue of living environment and access but I've only come around to this idea since I retired and quite frankly been involved in the Wellness program offered through University rehabilitation.

I think I am becoming more open and examining more issues relative to access and my debilitating person as I age. I can see the need for these being traditions, and moments of advice for the medical model and the medical community but does not make that process any easier for me as a person with a disability who has been in somewhat control of his life for the past 40 some years. I mean I have survived fairly well as a person with a disability up until relatively recently. Since I've been going to Wellness as well is my rehabilitation process the last couple of years, I've gotten to know these professionals by side and to some degree on a personal level. Now this is not true of the staff at the sugarhouse Rehab facility but still I see them every moment I am at rehab and thus become familiar with the folks and I hear things about how good they do things. So I let my guard down a little and allowing these folks to peek into my world and see what they can do to make my world a bit more friendly to me.

So, this last Tuesday I had Nicole somebody who is an OT come to the house and do the walk-through. We scheduled for 10 o'clock which is okay. Dianne had spenta good portion of the weekend prepping the house to get ready for this event. The house looked pretty good. We were ready. Nicole showed up a little early which is okay. She brought a student OT with her, a para which is always interesting, I love watching paras in their own environments, which is always entertaining.

We did the greetings I introduced Dianne to the folks that we did the walk-through. Now let me say in the defense of everyone that I had never done anything like this before. I did not know what to expect, ask, our request. What I did think that the walk-through was notably more than one is. She pretty much just gave her ideas of what could be and quite frankly Dianne and I have been through this for some time on our own we know what we want what we are really doing, or what we thought we were doing, was quick enough a requirement that we would need in order to be sure we could use any changes to the house as rehabilitation nature and be open for any kind of tax options we might get or enjoy. Right off the bat Nicole pretty much indicated that is not what she was therefore into her knowledge there was no way that she could fulfill any such requirement. Now I disagree with that knowing what I know. So obviously we probably know more in this area on global issues of disability, tax benefits liabilities etc.

We wrestled to the house spending a lot of time on the bathrooms and what could or could not be done. In the end they left and we felt a little silly and having gone through the process but we did assure each other that we did have to go through the process in order to get to the next step and that is to speak with contractors who actually begin to make change in the household and this is exciting.

Which basically came out of the walk-through was that I have lived three decades actually for decades with my disability I have learned how to cope I've learned how to survive I would not enjoy my environment is much as I can. As I age I am losing the ability to continue to enjoy my environment as is now I have to look at physically changing that environment to meet my needs. I'm excited to have Dianne working with me on this project because she knows far more than I what is out there in the community and in the world for more accessible living. We now have to go to the next or work with my friend over and Assist,UCAT and anywhere else I feel might be helpful and rewarding financially in this project. I don't think it's going to be easy but it's what I've got left to do in my life spend a little time on me… I think I'm excited.

Poetry

I write poetry! I love to write poetry but I don't write poetry as much as I should ...there are a host of things I should do often and unrelenting but I do not. I think I've always liked poetry, or should I say writing poetry, because I felt it was easier than writing prose or short stories or novels. I've written poetry for as long as I can remember for at least as long as I've been able to write. I have tried little versus written to my mother when I was very young second or third grades. Mom kept them returning them to me before she died. I think in high school I began to realize that I liked in poetic and had something to say in poetic verse. That is the same time I was turned onto some of the more bizarre poets, in my estimation I. E.Poe, Samuel Coleridge and others-- I felt there was finally, somewhere I fit in.

So, I became a scribbler of verse. Again, I wish I was more committed, I wish I had a burning desire to read deeply and understand the great poets but I didn't have the patience or the love of other peoples written verse. But I did love my own writing which is part of an overall problem self the adore-meant,severe narcissism. It is unbelievable how much poetry at lost over the years, full notebooks and folders either throw away, forgotten about or just plain lost and lose and computer failures. I'm ever back up enough or back up onto drives stored away from the system. I should learn but my whole life is I should learn.

So I was pretty intrigued when I found Art Access here in Salt Lake. Art Access is a private nonprofit set solely to provide people with disabilities the chance to participate on the creative front of all things art. Of course I'm pretty cynical but used the private nonprofit for much as I could. I've written in the past blogs about Art Access's openings, Desert Wanderings, and place written and performed on the Art Access stage. While heady times. So where are these wanderings going? I've decided to once again wander through what little bit of my poetry is left and see if I have enough material to post some kind of booklet or book. Plan to focus the book of poetry on public transit, or my life in public transit. This is something I've thought about for years. I've always felt there's so much anguish and drama with people who are disabled and trying to use public transit especially those whose only form of transportation is public transit.

This post was post be about poetry slams which I can see now still needs to be written and shall be written right now I have to lay the groundwork to poetry slams. Poetry slams will be one posting in the series on my poetry, I think. I may even weave and some of my other artwork I. E. Sketches, drawings and paintings who knows got a whole canvas here work on. And again I'm guilty of usury if I can use my standing as a person with a disability and Are Accesses mandate of opening art to all. I think if I can compile enough material that I can be granted enough to produce a small book of verse. Am I bad?

So Long Ron

My ex-father-in-law Ron Olson died last Saturday morning and that was a bit of a blessing since it had a fairly significant stroke two weeks before with many of his communicative and mobility skills significantly impacted. Ron Olson had just celebrated his 90^th birthday last month and he lived a full life much of which was in Iona, Idaho.

I think I liked Ron Olson so much because he was a bit of a maverick, a freethinker pretty much traveling his own path which I've always felt was pretty rare in the environments in which he lived. I divorced Ron's daughter 20 some years ago and have had limited contact with the individual sense. We had two children which equals two grandchildren to Ron. Since my family moved from the family home base of Iona Idaho my kids had limited contact with their maternal grandfather. There are of course many extenuating circumstances for this isolation much of which I don't understand how do I care to understand. But many of the Olsens know I have contact with my children. So it was only natural that members of the Olson family notified me of Ron's passing and asked for contact information to my son and daughter. I felt more comfortable just notifying the kids via social networking I. E. Facebook. I know there are ways to do this that will only inform the readers you want to read a specific post. But I'm lazy and basically put it out on my regular Facebook account. Of course many of my people responded as if I lost somebody very very close like a father. Indeed, I've enjoyed the paternal some relationship with a man but his passing, though sad, was more of an interest then a loss to me and even less to one of my kids to is fairly well estranged from the rest of her family-- those are my thoughts and my long-- I hope I've got this right. Anyway, they know and if they want to respond/act accordingly I'm sure there will. We were just not close on that level. So I have had to post some history of my relationship with Ron Olsen in doing so sure brings back a rush of memories: good bad or indifferent.

What I remember most of Ron Olson was of his support of me and my family during the challenging time of our lives. He gave what he could, living long distance from us. I was always impressed. Ron was a navigator on a bomber during World War II, he actually taught navigation and later taught school all those days allowing him the most control of his life. Ron was the inventor, thinker and a downright friendly fellow. My favorite expression of Ron's was “ he always got a have a good Catholic friend”. I don't know why he said this except he must've met a couple friends of ours in an earlier marriage who were Catholic and really our only friends at the time. But it always made sense. Farewell Ron, thanks for your support and acceptance over the years and taking interest in my children as you have.

I Did Good!

Blog August 14, 2013

By routine these days consists of all day Mondays at 211 which means I leave the house before 630 in the morning roll up to Starbucks and get my coffee and catch the bus to the train. Then on Tuesday Wednesday and Fridays I have over at Wellness, where I do my physical workout. This takes all afternoon, actually Wellness takes just over an hour from 3 to 4. The rest of the time I spent in transit which is okay it's just a long afternoon. I still have a great deal of time in which. I could do good. It shouldn't be so hard to do this but it is. But, sometimes the opportunity just falls in your lap and that is the best..

Yesterday, Dianne drove me to the train station. This not only helps me save a great deal of time but this also helps save about 10% or more of my battery that I can use in my power chair. So, yesterday as I was downloading from the Van and starting to drive off to the train Dianne called me back and when I got back to the Van Dianne was speaking to a young Asian woman who seemed to distress. It seems so young woman mistook our vehicle for courtesy van from the hotel she is staying. It took us a few minutes to bridge the language barrier before he finally realized she needed a van or needed transportation back to her hotel. We of course offered transportation but she refused rather adamantly. So, we doubt the number on the hotel card she had and spoke to the manager and her behalf. It took a few minutes to strong-arm the guy to dispatch a vehicle for her but he did.

I sent Dianne on her way because there was little she could do just hanging around. I sensed the Asian woman did not want to communicate a whole lot. She just wandered off to another part of the parking area and waited. There is some concern about where the manager thought she would be when he arrived. So I figured it would be best for me to hang around just in case she needed to use the phone again. I needed to get to my agenda but I had time, and even if I didn't it wouldn't matter if I was late to the workout. I would still be able to give my full workout in. I know if the situation had been reversed I would've wanted someone to wait with me on a hot afternoon in a foreign land.so I did something good in the world that day. It didn't take a lot of thinking and it did not take a whole lot of sacrifice just a little time. But this is one of those junctures in life where a conscious decision was made to be made. I could've felt my life and my time is so important that I didn't have time for this last person. It felt good to done something I felt was good.

Floor 13

I volunteer/work usually when one day a week, sometimes more, at 211 in Salt Lake City. Now, 211 is part of United Way of greater Salt Lake which is cool ( is going to be a whole blog posting on United Way and 211). United Way of the greater Salt Lake area is located in building called 257 because is located at 257 East and second South and Salt Lake. The building is small by skyscraper standards but in the Cowtown Salt Lake where there are larger buildings or taller buildings 257 stands out on the city's young skyline particularly on Eastside where tall buildings have been kept at a minimum, which I'm sure is an interest in story/posting all by itself. Anyway, 257 has 13 floors.

When I came on board 211 the Federal Bureau of Investigation , FBI, had the complete 13^th floor. I believe I've actually written a little about this in a previous blog. I love the fact that I worked in the same building as the FBI. The FBI goons were ghosts, they must've had their own parking level and entryways because you hardly ever saw round building. Every once in a while you would see I spook and know it was a spook but for the most part you knew they were therev but you never saw them. Shortly after I went to work at 211 I actually took the elevator up there. It was pretty secure and you could not get past plateglass window and really had have good reason to be there there was a note that said so on the front door. So I was dismayed when I learned the FBI was leaving the building and moving on to West Valley. Somehow made sense but still I knew I would miss the fact that I worked in the same building as federal agents.

Late winter or early spring, the Bureau packed their bags and left. I gave them a week then started going up there to the 13^th floor when I would get to work and see what was going on. It was amazing to look to me like a large part of the 13^th floor had been a storage area for data, it was some sort of new cyber form racks and racks and racks of of railing which hosted computer servers. Wow! The next week I went out and everything was gone, totally gone like a movie: one day there the next day gone. I was intrigued with the size of the 13^th floor, just how much space the agency used. I started going up usually at least one day a week and rolling around 13^th floor looking down on Salt Lake City it was pretty cool.

I was amazed when speaking to other folks at 211 or United Way, over lunch, just how many people had never gone to the 13^th floor. People just don't do this, go out of their way to explore their own environment. This is sad. I mean the 13^th floor was the expense coming people could actually run the circumference of the floor and have a fairly decent track. I know there's a shower in the building because some people who ride their bikes to work shower before they go to work after arriving in the mornings. So runners could actually really utilize the 13^th floor. I like to view, I like the quiet of the floor and I'm surprised that all the time I've been up there I've never seen another living soul. I've become somewhat of an evangelist trying to get folks to see the 13^th floor before it's gone. One day I know when I hit 13 on the elevator number pad it will be either blocked out our open up to a construction site where floor 13 will be being rebirth into something new and most likely a place where I will not be welcome. But for now I have a secret affair with floor 13 in Building 257

All Grown Up

Last night Dianne and I had an actual date. We actually went out in the evening to a screening of the film I heard promoted earlier in the week on local public access channel, KU ER. It was a documentary titled Room 237 a artsy study of Stanley Kubrick's classic The Shining. Yesterday, was my regular workout day at Wellness so we decided that Dianne would drive into the city and pick me up after my workout and we would find somewhere for dinner. This is a typical of what we've been sort of locked into and I have to admit I was excited to get out and play the cool scene for a bit. I was a bit tired even though I had a light workout. I had sort of overexert at myself day before and I was still paying the price. I was also a little concerned that I would be so tired by that point in the day to sleep through the presentation. Fortunately, if that were to happen the loss would be minimal since the price of the movie was free.

We thought it was wise to go directly to the Rose Wagner center, where the movie was being screened, get a parking space and find something downtown for dinner. We ended up settling for Squatters Pub. Squatters is okay, a little trendy but it's a brewpub pretty laid back, lots of T-shirts, tank tops casual dress. A lot of people trying to be seen in just the right settings. Squatters food is okay, I had the Alaskan halibut dinner is pretty happy with it, is probably more grace than I needed but this was a night out and it was fun ordering like grown-ups. The biggest reason for the choice of restaurant is that squatters is essentially across the street from the Rose Wagner center..

I guess you'd say” the Rose Wagner” this is a beautiful facility. I've been in a place the number of times and it's nice but a little deceptive. It's one of those places that is 99% successful. It's not apparent what is not accessible to start living in the building. It's a public building and accessible in general but there were no power doors and they're pretty heavy. But for the most part the person wheelchair does pretty good. The wheelchair seating is a little rough: they basically just yanked a seat out so you end up sitting next to your date kind of. The dates on one level you're on another pretty much but I guess it's better than nothing and it could be better but you never think about it tell you there then space and the moment you leave. This what is not acceptable however is the fact the stalls in the men's bathroom atst has some issues. Like most bathroom stalls the door opens in which always drives me crazy. What happened last night was I got into the stall shut the door behind me and pushed the latch shut and did my business. When it was time to leave there was no way I could open the door. There is nothing to hold on to the old door back, which is what you have to do to get out of the stall. I didn't panic which is good but I was a bit frustrated. Luckily, I had my bungee cord was able slighted between the door and the jam turn the bungee cord and yank it towards being with enough force that it did open. This I also tried moving my feet under the door and tells my chair backs of my toes caught the door and then moved the chair back and that open the door as well. Clearly the door is a challenge for anyone with limited hand function. We made notes to that effect on our survey we are going to submit to the Rose Wagner and hopefully someone will do something about it. It's a little thing, more of an annoyance than anything else is just another example that folks with disabilities can never rest, can never let their guards down or they are out in the cold. Now I have to make sure that the Rose Whitener gets my problem letter and then I will have to follow up to make sure they do something about it. It's just a pain in the hands and why do I have to do it, I am sure there are other Crips going to this place all the time while they do it?

This aside from being momentarily trapped in the bathroom be had a great time. Granted it was late by the time the documentary ended and they had open discussion it was time for this geezer to go to bed so we left. But it was fun being out with Dianne,on a summer s night… All grown up.  

Dark Days

I'm not sure what is happening right now I'm feeling anxious, maybe even depressed I am hoping these feelings are situational brought about by what I don't know but I suspect, strongly that my skin is breaking down again which is wearing me down. I just can't seem to get these issues resolved. Cushions, at least the questions I have been trying do not seem to work. Skin breakdown I am anticipating a reoccurring, I suspect in many cases never really quite healing. The site of the irritations are at a place on my right hip that is just too hard to combat but we are combating as well as we can. Dianne.has been doing a heroines job as far as managing the trauma side as well as possible. But I suspect if I continue my lifestyle as is just continue to wear out my butt and I suspect that's what I'm going to have to do. I just feel this might be a major depression generator and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I sure as hell don't want to be on some sort of drug regimen but maybe if that's what it takes that's what I have to do.

I mean let me look on the bright side. Right now the wounds are closed they just caution flags. I need to be proactive to be on top of these – – excuse the pun – –. In Dianne's rightwe can heal skin breakdown if need be. We have done before and hopefully we can do it again… If need be. I hate to be so morose but these all seem to be signs of the end of things. You know? “The guy struggled the last of his days trying to get on top of whatever demon or physical challenge he had which eventually took him out.” The silver lining to this great clout is that he had” X” amount of days, months, years or whatever before his eventual end. So I should be happy, I need to look at it this way and get away from this dark and dismal feeling I am experiencing. I don't know if I can do it… Maybe if I get some rest and get some sleep or whatever I can climb out of this hole.

Another option I have refused to consider for a number of reasons is going to Roho cushion, and air support cushion. Perhaps it is now time to consider this option. The cushions I have been using just aren't cutting it and I kind of suspect that the cushion is doing more damage than is helping. I just don't know if I can live on this kind of cushion but I have to give it a shot. Hopefully the right choices will be made and I will be able to continue on with my lifestyle albeit modified.

A change of cushion, less time up in hyper-vigilance of the wound sites and encouraged to do whatever has to be done to continue forward  

Summer Slipping Away

It's Tuesday, Tuesday morning and I'm just about ready to get dressed and head out the door for my Wellness programs-- that project I'm involved in and trying to rebuild my body and gain the muscle, skills and well enjoy the rest of my life. I have become a real believer in the Wellness program. I go three days a week, I'd go more if I thought attending more Wellness sessions would help me become leaner and more able. But, it has been determined that three days is all I need and it sounds okay. Wellness has almost become a full-time occupation with me and at first I thought this was wrong, how can I focus so much time just on myself? As I've written in the past I end up spending about four hours at least going into and coming back from my one-hour wellness session. You know what? That's okay I think I'm worth it-- the time being focused on myself, bettering myself, making myself literally stronger and better able to take care of myself. I have to be careful however, in that I do not become more self absorbed that I actually am lose my focus, my fellow man. I have been a little better this last week and better responding to people around me that might need recognition for myself are more attention than I've been giving people. I have a ways to go before I am Gandhi but every journey starts with a single step. The summer is dwindling I can feel it, perhaps it's the shorter days, or the fact that the heat, the summer heat is changing to fall heat which is altogether different. I mean you may have a day in late August 90° and feels totally different than July 90° weather and I don't know if it's the heat of the day that never really leaves even at night but that the heat lingers all through the day and most of the night. Now when I go to bed in the evening I feel the coolness of the night, the heat of the day has evaporated, and gone away, it's cool and I pulled the covers up around my noseto keep warm slip off into slumber. Unlike the heat of summer that fills the complete darkness of the night and just hangs there forcing me to sleep nude with no covers until the coolness of early morning summer slides in for just a moment for the heat builds in the new day. That's gone now the backbone summer has been broken and fall creeps in on little cat feet. I'm kind of excited about this week. I have agreed to go into 211 this Thursday and Friday morning to cover Gloria's shift since she will be out of town for the wedding. This will give me up and out the last two days the workweek for half a day. This is great getting up early, training and the city, spend a half-day and leaving noonish and having the rest of the day at my disposal. So, I got a go. I've trains to catch people to see and machines to turn today is Wellness and I am indeed, well.

Happy Birthday Big Bro

Today is my brother’s birthday, he is five years older then I am, and I guess he is the closest  to me as a family member—I don’t mean this disparagingly it’s just he is the family member I know best because I grew up with him-Ross was always there, good or bad.  Many times I must admit living with Ross was challenging if not dangerous. I was the little brother and as the little brother I was the target for everything. I was always frightened, it seemed. My brother knew all my buttons and pushed them all especially after dark.  We had bunk beds, he was on the top bunk and I was on the bottom and all he would have to do is ask if I just heard that voice—that is all I needed to set me off for the remainder of the night. Voices, in the dark, in my room from the other side of wall. I was on Ross’s motorcycle when I had my accident, the one which I broke my neck. I doubt he ever really forgave me for that but we got along.  He was out of the city when I cracked up, the reason I was on his cycle. My bike was just too small and I had figured out a way to break into the ignition of his cycle and I was on  my way. Ross served in the Marine Corp during the Viet Nam thing, he saw lots of service, did two tours maybe more and came back to a quiet life, staying beneath the radar, working quietly and being a model  citizen.   Ross hunts, he hunts a lot. He is good at it.  He is s survivor, quiet and steady. I am sure Ross will be around long after every one else has left it’s  just the way it is. Ross is a loner, running silent, running deep and I have to  allow him his freedom to be who he is. I have never professed to understand him and I never well and that is the way it should be. I have been surprised as how sensitive a person my brother is. I think he cries, though I have never seen this—I think he has been hurt deeply, probably by me but I doubt that. I think the damage had been done long before he knew me—so I can forgive, I have to forgive because he had to live with me at the same time I was living with him and I can not throw any stones. Regardless, we survived each other, we are family and I’m glad…happy birthday big bro.

Dylan

Gate to concert

On Thursday we actually went to a concert, more specifically a Bob Dylan concert that was held at the USANA pavilion out and west valley. We have not been to too many concerts and we were not quite sure what to expect. The gates open at 430 and supposedly the concert started at 530. We sure did not want to have to stand a long line so we went pretty early. We got to the concert venue at about 330. Nothing was open the only people there were staff and everything was locked up tight. The day was hot luckily there was significant cloud cover and the winds were breezy which the tolerable.

Finally staff began showing up and a little after 4:30 PM we were granted admission to the park. Of course we could not bring anything into the park foodwise or whenever and everything there was priced out of reality but to pay for what you need. We end up buying one bottle of water and refill the bottle numerous times throughout the concert. Dianne had gotten us the VIP seating and it was great we had a huge space all to ourselves and easy access to the food courts and water fountains. I think if we ever do a another concert we will do VIP seating.

The crowds are pitiful. It's sad when the star performer is in the sunset, relegated to podunk America venues like USANA. The performer must know there's the end of the line, well maybe not at the end: there's always cruises, state and county fairs and birthday parties. I was part of this crowd no kidding, but I was not part of that group who was trying to show the world they're still hip to the jive, it's a sad.

The warm up bands started promptly at 5:30 PM and they played and played and played. The bands were loud, raucous and somewhat entertaining. They were definitely second rate and that is the way it should be, never be better than the starring attraction. We suffer through and finally at 9:45 Bob Dylan took the stage. He was OK but not the Dylan I remember. He played only as new music except for one or two of his old songs and not the ones I want to hear. I cannot fault them answer that I'm sure he wants to feel he's breaking new ground and the music that's not what I really paid for. We got through it the last the venue about 11:30 PM a long day and long night. We had a good time Dianne and myself, out all by ourselves at a rock concert in podunk Utah. 

Lazy Saturday

Stayed up too late last night watching redbox movies--now have to get dressed and return DVDs to kiosk up on the corner. I should be doing more with my weekend but alass love being home and hang out...I have to make a long post later today or tomorrow to catch you up on my week. The week was fun.

This was the venue for the Bob Dylan concert we attended on Thursday. We went extra early and waited for the concrt to fill and eventually begin--hot but great clouds and a stiff wind kept  us cool--what a fun day.