I rarely sleep well on Thursdays which is too bad because it's one of those days I can actually sleep in not having to wait for my home health professional to come and do the jobs. So it doesn't really shocked me when I wake up as I did the day at 3:30 AM and felt that it really did back to sleep. Truth is I did which I'm grateful but it didn't feel like I did going through the process. But this was just a prelude to the terror I experienced at 6:30 AM when I did get up and transfer into my chair. I was somewhat pleased because it was a fairly good transfer especially from the perspective of feeling pretty secure once I planted my butt into the chair. Sometimes I feel at risk when I make the transfer until I could get my butt shifted into the back of the chair seat that I know I'm secure. But as I was turning for my bed something caught my eye and I look back and sure enough scarlet red streaked over my bed's chucks(Disposable pads) the end the linen saver I use to try to protect my sheets from any problems I might have during the night,I also noticed patches of blood on the far side of the mattress not protected by the chucks. Then I noticed there was what looked like fresh blood on the arm of my chair, which I have to transfer over to get into the chair from the bed.
As I said I was immediately terrified not knowing where this blood was coming from. I could not fathom it coming from pressure sores as I've been so hyper vigilant the past couple of months. I've been so proud of myself, applying the salve, I put on my butt Usually every night and morning. The processes become a ritual and I believe it's really done some good. I gingerly touched my butt feeling for open wounds that I found none. The only thing I can think of which may have happened was a ruptured blood vessel in my rectal area. Bleeding hemorrhoids is nothing new to me especially at toilet time. However, to my knowledge have never had a bleeding hemorrhoid event while in bed. I'm still trying to examine my memory to see if I may have ruptured it somehow during the transfer but I don't think that I did. Needless to say it was totally freaked out especially since I knew there must be blood all over my butt and there is no way to take care of it because I don't have a home health person come in until tomorrow Friday. I was confused and conflicted not knowing how severe are serious this whole event was. Now that I was sitting in my chair I didn't know follow need to go back to bed and see what happened or did I need to call 911 and have emergency people come out. I thought about calling my home health company but never went through with that not knowing for sure what to say. I thought about maybe contacting my brother or even my son to come over and assess the damage and see if they felt the need to go in. The hour was getting close to 6:30 AM when I decided I would just call my internist knowing there is no way in hell I was going to get Nathan but just to see. Of course I got the answering service after a significant amount of time and then after explaining to the answering service they contacted Nathan's resident on-call who actually called me back and we discussed the situation. She finally came around my line of thinking that it must've been hemorrhoids. I did not feel any pain I was not running the temperature and now that I was up I didn't feel any dampness or blood underneath me and I reached down and checked. She advised me to continue on with my day (which included a trip to Tosh (the orthopedic surgical hospital) to evaluate my new chair and see what we can do to make it more livable for me. I did not want to miss this event. So gingerly I got myself dressed and went to Thursday morning coffee social coffee and eventually took the bus over to the surgical hospital.
It's been a busy busy day and somewhat traumatic for me. On top of everything else though as I sit on this questionable wound or whatever I stomachs begin to gurgle and even begin to squirt a little just a little mind you. I'm going to try to make it through the night hopefully without any incidents of explosive bowel. I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off we shall see. Maybe if I took one of those anti-diarrhea pills that might stop the process of the gurgling. But I don't want to do anything to interfere with my bowel movement in the morning. I'm so conflicted. I just hope the blood is from hemorrhoids exploding which I think can be taken care of.. I hope I have not grossed you out that was not my intention but I used to know what else to write about today. I don't want to write off the whole day I hate that is everyday special and precious and just because I bled the bed and maybe even poop the pants I can't blame the day which just was…
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