Hurry Up and Wait

Right now my new boss is meeting with my old who will actually stay my boss as I am outsourced to another call room—away from the State. This will work out that I am technically still with the state but not at State facility. Of course the door is closed here are pretty thin if I concentrated I could make out what they are speaking about. There is a lot of talking going on and the talk seem friendly.

It kinda sounds like they're discussing how to dismantle the program I run now, things like my website, my broadcasts, and the advisory board that I quarterly reported to. It is also what seems, a lot of talk regarding the vendors who traditionally has paid my salary. How they will stay involved with the switchover I don't know. I think my boss is also sharing with the new boss carries of reasonable accommodation she feels I might need in making the transition. A lot of the stuff I will not be able to really answer until I see the new physical layout and specifically what my area looks like.

Okay, so this is the plan as I understand it, I will be leaving this office that I have had for the last 12 years, and I will shift to a phone line in desk, cubicle, over at the local United Way Agency, United Way as everyone knows is a private nonprofit agency, but I will continue being a State employee. When my current funding exhausts itself June 30, 2012 I will be hired by the DD Council formally. I will be working as their employee training United Way operators to answer disability related questions. Currently questions regarding disability are forwarded over to my operation here with the State.

New information this afternoon, I had really expected the results of this morning's meeting to give me some clear information of how I was to be integrated in the 211 system. But as it turns out there's still nothing if it, which is kinda spooky because it really doesn't say were I'm going to go yet. However my boss did pull me aside, realize that this is probably frustrating for me, and rehearsed to me that regardless of what happens, the worst case scenario, would be be staying at this office until the second pay. February when I'm slated to enter early retirement. Which is okay with me which is what I would want anyway if I could. The boss of the phone room over at two and one has to take this new information back to her people and see if there's a way to integrate me in to their operation. Of course the big hangup is money, the new boss wasn't of the idea that I was going be bringing along a pile of money and that's just not the case. So once again there are things in the air and will just have to wait and see. I have to bit thought get a bit antsy on what's going to happen to me or rather were I'm in and up…

It Starts

Well, it had happened. The transition is beginning and it's a little spooky for me. This morning I got a new e-mail for my boss indicating that the new boss, the boss of the place I'm going to, is meeting with her possibly me and other members of the staff tomorrow to begin I transition phase away from this office I suppose to begin my transition to the new office. It's weirding my boss out, she doesn't want to see me go – but now it's really going to happen.

If I was smart, I would start dismantling my office; bring in boxes, throwing stuff away and just getting ready for the move. I'm not sure when that point will be, I suppose those items will be ironed out in tomorrow's meeting in meetings to come. I know I should be out of here this office no later than June 30, 2012. But I don't know if my boss think I'll be out before then, I do know she and other staff have been looking hungrily at my office area. That's the way it is. I wish I could tell you more but this is all I got for now stay tuned for the move.

Tax Day

Funny how we meet and develop relationships, not that I have been courting a relationship, but I'm in a relationship now that seems to have been somewhat unavoidable. As many of you constant readers know as I ride the train in the morning and half asleep, groggy barely conscious I'm lucky if I am conscious spend a lot of my time on my tablet reading or on my cell phone updating either my blog or my Facebook page. I don't know if I do it intentionally but I try not to engage as much as possible. Don't know if this makes me one sick cookie but it is how I am right now.

It's interesting this one rides the train or bus consistency seems to be important. If nothing else to get to know your driver because you see him every day, just as are other traveling mates. These folks if they get on the bus at the same spot enough you begin to look for them and even somewhat concerned if and when they don't show up at their appointed time. So it is been with Cory. Cory is a guy who would get on my bus, heading for the train, one-stop further down State Street from my stop. I noticed when I got on the bus he was often with Hispanic or Latino woman who he would try to conversation with in her native tongue. I overheard him say it was his way of trying to learn her language was somewhat ironic is that she was trying to learn English and I believe engaged in conversation with Cory for the same reason. Cory seem to be somewhat blue-collar longhair, a shade of an accident from somewhere down south – – later I learned from Ohio. I'm amazed at how many people I meet were from Ohio. Anyway, we wrote the train to Murray station 2 and he began to unfasten the wheelchair tie downs when we came into the station. His undoing of the tiedowns I thought was a nice gesture freeing up the driver who at the time has his hands full deploying the ramp to download be off the vehicle. The little thing about pre-nice thing well those things so demands you further engaging conversation with the individual. This will now for about three weeks we decided it's finally time to exchange names. Now I'm not good with names but his is actually a name that I used as a codename when I worked hotlines in Idaho in the 70s so it was easy for me to remember his name: Cory. Our conversations were still quite limited only two sentences, usually about how we spent the weekend or the day. Other bits of information gathered and is one to sentence exchanges is that he's a single-parent, the parent of a female teenager, which in my book makes it somewhat super. He actually structures as life around this teenager girl: taking vacation on her birthday to make sure he has time to be with her even after she decides she has something else in mind to do that day. Structures weekend events to be with his daughter it seems to be working. What I think is really amazing is that Craig does this without a vehicle this is all done on public transit. I was a Saturday dad non-custodial, and for a while I did the same thing on Kid day and I know how hard that was to do once a week, to try to do that everyday you drive me crazy. Today for some reason we moved to the next step. I don't know if it was because it was raining or they had missed his regular University train but I found out what he did for a living, his shipping clerk or manager for ceramic research and development production operation. I found his certified for hazmat work, he's in awe of the a heads/engineers who developed the stuff that he works on. He is a bright guy, when I should've gotten a break and on the school and really moved up. Looks like a biker, tattoos, longhair and the walk – – maybe he is that toys on the bus. What is a good guy, I can tell I just wonder where relationship goes now. Cory gets off the train at the 21st St. stop it has West out his plant. My thought that was to encounter for the day.

Two stops later, John the quad drove his power wheelchair under the train. Now John is interesting piece of work, he's a fairly high quad, relatively new to his disability and working as a teacher's aide somewhere on the east side of Salt Lake City. I've never really understood his relationship. John has some sort of a love-hate relationship with his wife. I'm sure John is a lot of maintenance, John seem somewhat fastidious, since this by the way he dresses and how he seems to see himself. Unlike my friend Cory, I have been somewhat distant with John. Oh I given them a card once or twice and engaged born morning conversation the more it seemed to run into him on the train rolling around downtown. But still we are quite a ways from that" that next step". So was a little surprised release taken aback when he looked at me and said" can I ask you something? Is getting on is getting dumped normal for disability? How do you get on with your life and your wife dumps you." So instantly, I dropped into" big brother, counselor, down the road quad" try to do a little active listing in the few minutes left on the train. John, smart enough to realize he was still sort of in shock, said he was numb, I understood this, I told him I'd been to this twice before – – John seem some what shocked, for a second, he was too involved with his own pain spend much time online or see me as an authority in his pain just yet, but I am and maybe, just maybe this is where neither be this rainy Tax Day morning when I have it all figured out with Cory.

One Hot Night in July

I know I spoken briefly in the past about my accident some 40 years ago. Today I was facebooking a person from my old neighborhood, who is a bit younger than myself. I was intrigued to read her thoughts on my accident.

It had been a hot July morning and afternoon. As spent the morning across town mowing the lawn for Mr. Svenson. I was 15 and for the most part the only jobs I ever had were traditional lawn mowing jobs. Earlier that so I close friend, Charlie A. Had gotten on a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and had used his influence to get me working there as well. In fact, I have worked my first shift Friday night and I just changed from my cutoffs T-shirt to my whites, whites for cooking fried chicken. Like to call my “hospital whites”.

The summer had been typical for Boise Idaho: after a short wet spring hot weather moved in stayed. That summer I got to know Charles A much better, sleeping over at his house, actually his treehouse to three nights a week or as many nights as I could get away with, I still lived on the farm and had my host of chores and other jobs. Charlie, could be all serious, but he got me the job at KFC and I felt I was on my way.

That hot summer afternoon I rushed home from a long job on my brothers 80 CC Yamaha motorcycle. My older brother was out of the state spent in the summer my even older brother in North Carolina. I had a small 55 CC Yamaha was just not as much fun as my brothers 80. My brother of course had taken the key to the motorcycle with him, but I figured out how to turn the ignition with a metal fingernail file. At home I changed into my whites. Of interest, I love to mow in my bare feet therefore my feet were green as green as the Hulk's but I did not think much about agreeing feet as I headed off to work. 4 miles in about 15 min. later I was struck by a vehicle breaking my neck and change my life. I did not make my shift that night, my second night on the job as the new fry cook at the local KFC.

What's interesting is I found the friend I was I was writing on Facebook sister actually worked at the KFC. She knew me and knew I was starting I really didn't know her. She was significantly older than me. She says she was devastated at my accident. You know I've always thought about the accident in terms of how it affected my life, very rarely have I thought of how my accident affected others. In this case KFC was short one fry cook that long hot night in July.

Spring showers for the ride home.

Waiting for the Bus

In my daily life I use two wheelchairs one wheelchair is a manual chair that I use in and around the house most of the time. I use this manual chair at the end of the day transferring from my power chair to the manual chair where I can get close to the toilet then to my bed to transfer in and out. The same in the morning I rise, I transfer to my manual chair and go to the bathroom transferring to the shower shower day earlier the sink shave, brush my teeth and do my regular ADLs then I get dressed transferring to my power chair to go to work and spend the rest of my day. So, with the advent of my use of power chairs I have used my manual chair relatively little. Still, the chair is received its share of wear and tear and I'll have the chair 12 to 13 years, getting the chair soon after I went to work with the State.

I don't know if it's me or what, but in the last three or four years the manual wheelchair just has not been easy to use. The brakes have worn out and I have replaced the back of the chair once. Trouble I'm having now is that I seem to be sliding out of my chair is kinda freaking me out. So, as I come to the end of my State service and health coverage, we have felt that this important it we consider getting another manual wheelchair, to that end, I have set up a real chair evaluation for yesterday afternoon at the University hospital. The only problem was that they wanted me to have the manual chair with me during this evaluation – – which I sort of figured it's bringing my chair in plus my power chair means that I would most likely have to saddle up in the van and I do not want to drive any more than I have to. So I had made the appointment to have my evaluation done yesterday afternoon at two o'clock, I figured with all the transit for my office to the University and back, and not knowing just how long the evaluation to take I took the whole afternoon off his medical. So I was somewhat disappointed when I got the call from my durable medical agent indicating we had to cancel since I would not have my manual chair with me. So we reschedule for the next week when I would have the manual chair are make sure the manager was there at the hospital for the evaluation I have to admit I was somewhat disappointed because I was looking forward to taking the afternoon off. Now there is no reason to so I decided to stay at the office Mark after a lunch.

Little did I know this one hour lunch would stretch into two hours. I jumped the train with the idea of getting off at 1300 E. second South, where I know there are some interesting places to eat. I just spaced the information that the train doesn't stop anywhere close to that area. I backtracked commute from Stadium parking lot 1300 E. and when a couple streets to second South and found a hamburger joint that looked good – – the burger was okay, not world class, not tasty but just okay. I was anxious to get back to work so I rolled over the bus stop, on second South, waited for the bus. I was not at the bus stop 5 minutes when psychotic homeless guy wanders up to the bus stop and begins ranting and raving primarily about Asians in Utah now they are wrecking the state(this is highly cleaned up the individual was foul, vulgar and obviously crazy). I wished I had taken an image of this individual, I can't describe it would do in fairness but he was obviously mental health material and needed some help. I was tired and backed away from the individual seem more of a threat than an ally. This is why I was totally surprised when the bus, I've been waiting for, did arrive in the driver opened the door and apologized indicating was wheelchair tie downs were taken – – there is no room in the Inn. I would have to wait for the next vehicle, which he said would be about 10 min. I could do was wait swallowing bile and wait. Then to my surprise the psychotic racist start ranting about how I had to get on the bus, I had to get on the bus before, for anybody else. I try to assure this traveler that it was okay I could wait 10 min. for the next bus I just continue to get more and more agitated. Finally I backed away all the way and he seemed to forget me instantly wandered onto the bus and was gone. I wondered if somehow these actions had somehow save my life, what if psychotic little guy pulled a gun stopped the bus rolling permanently?

My bus finally came, the right bus, blessedly the bus was almost empty. I got him at my office and sat back and thought about the incident. That's the last thing I thought would happen from the psychotic traveler was him standing up for my perceived by rights. Just goes to show you don't judge the nuts of the bottle.

Just Show UP--What I Do

I handle stress in my life by continuing to do the things of everyday life, the things I do everyday. I wake up, get up do my ADL's eat something get ready for work then head out the door. Its what I do and I usually do this pretty early. I just keep showing up to where I perceive I am supposed to be.

Following my accident it was returning to school not like I had an alternative but seemed everyone else thought I did have an alternative and I chose to return to my education. People would tell me how strong or brave I was which was always confusing. I just kept showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner and life kinda of just filled in the space between the meals.

When I interviewed for my job at the independent living center. I came down from Blackfoot Idaho. The night before my interview an early Winter storm buried Salt Lake in 8-12 inches of snow bring the city to a stand still. The Center put me up at local hotel and I saw the morning news and heard about the snow but shrugged my shoulders and headed for my interview: its where I was supposed to be. I Was the only candidate to show up and the only staff member was my new boss, Maurice. I got the job. I never gave it a thought of not showing up because snow had fallen during the night.

Later at this job, I was closely involved with someone who embezzled a hunk of dough from the office I worked, this person always was working sat the same office. I continued to show up even though my showing up was extremely uncomfortable for me and those with whom I worked. I did not know what else to do.

Now, this last thing, the demise of my State position. The prospect not only of loosing my job but all the “sick” leave I have complied in the 12-13 years I have labored for the State—just showing up to answer phones. My “sick” leave is over 500 hours which if used correctly could help me make the critical bridge from work to Social Security which is going to be a couple years if I retire at 62, next February. Then there is the whole thing of competing for another job, being 61 years of age and starting over. I have been made the recipient of a couple of daily job dumps to my email account, Dianne tuned up my resume to where it ( I ) looks very sharp. But yesterday I found out that my boss has found a way to keep me on the payroll until my 62 birthday when I will be eligible for early retirement!! This is grand news but not yet a done deal, loose ends need to be tied, agreements need to be made and hand offs completed but at this time confidence is high for an acceptable conclusion for my end of job experience. But I think it will be OK though, I think I'll transition much smoother then most thought. I had not really expected anything different—I knew if I just continued to show up things would work out

The Little Things

Years ago I first came into this area, I came in this area to work at the local independent living center. The I L was a small organization in just about four people on the staff. We were pretty nimble as an organization, a private nonprofit which that we could do just about anything that we want to do. Of course from the first things I did was I came on staff was to set up an agency newsletter, a newsletter that would go out to not only consumers of the agency but to other private nonprofits state agencies serve folks disabilities as well. You know a folksy publication highlighting the agency, programs of the agency and some of the other things going on the community for folks with disabilities that you all serve. It's funny how often one sets something like a newsletter in motion it tends to take on a life of its own. Now been separated from the independent living center for over a decade now I'm more surprised at how strong the newsletter tends to be. It seems just to be run on its own course a lot of the newsletter's health and well-being is up to its current editor. Lucky for me, each editor the Wasatch Scope has had test taking great care of the document and even strengthened the document. So I was a little taken aback the other day I got Facebook message from the current editor of the Wasatch scope. What she wanted was an article for the summer edition on the demise of Access Utah Network and my thoughts about seeing the program go dark.

I of course jumped on this opportunity to pen a thousand, 1500 words on the conclusion of my job and perhaps more than that, the end of the significant disability support system in this community. Wow, this is like writing your own obituary – – maybe they'll even let me submit an image of myself. Spend 24 hours now since I agreed to to write this document am still not sure which direction to take. I am not angry, though some people think I should be, nor am I bitter. I just have to the whole thing rents course and come away with as little negative karma as possible. I'm sure the long run this is going to work out to be a positive thing in my life and a generator of positive karma. It's just get is that point that will be challenging. So, I'll write a paragraph or two of the beginning of Access Utah Network, couple paragraphs about my involvement with the program that conclude where I would like to see things go in this state in this area with disability information systems.

But I finding out is that it's the little things that are orbiting and swirling around the big things out there that bring the finest my attention that the position I currently hold will soon be gone. When they begin asking you for your obituary or how you found the last 13,14 years of your life to be in the work that you did then you begin to realize that you better get your cardboard boxes ready and you better start find out what's worth saving was worth throwing away as the sands of the our class are almost through and so are you.

That's Life

I have been sitting round the past couple of months having folks in my life work on finding me a position with in the State system so I can keep my health insurance. Two of the key players, my boss and the director of human services have been in and out of their offices the past couple weeks. So if something is being done, or has been done, I haven't heard anything about it. I'm not sure how aggressive I need to be in finding another position, on my own but this morning something clicked. I don't know if it was just an new application of testosterone but I begin sending my resume out to anybody I feel might have any power at all in hiring me.

One friend, is an individual with a disability attorney in the Atty. Gen.'s office and true he of the him self may not have any hiring capability himself but he sure knows was going on in his agency and I know he knows a lot of people. The other individual is a friend of mine from my past life in IL. He and I share similar laws same ideas and thoughts but I've lost contact with them over the past couple months or years. He's been bouncing around in various directorships within the State and I have just lost track of him. Today I did earnest search for good old wearing and found them and sure enough he is in the director's position in another State posting. We talked, we had a good conversation and I e-mailed a copy of my resume. Hopefully he'll check it out maybe, just maybe, he might be able to pull a rabbit out of his hat and find something for me to do. The more I've thought about this reconnection the more it feels right. The cell understands disability, as few other folks within State government does any he understands the bureaucracy I have a lot of faith in him or maybe I'm desperately grasping at straws.
So there you have it, I have sunk to making contact with friends and some cases old friends in hopes of finding somewhere to end up after June 30. Don't feel bad either, it's like this is what I was supposed do. Yes I know "the old buddy system". Is it fair, does it work but really it's the way things are, to you know and how well you know them. May not be fair but that's life.

I Wait and Wait and Wait

Still, nothing, I have heard nothing from anyone about what is going to happen to me in my job. All the people who have control over the situation seemed to be gone either on vacation, business meetings, are just out of communication. Little spooky as we get closer and closer to the end date. I need to be getting more proactive--and not rely solely on these folks who seem to be looking after my best interest. Nothing paranoid, but sometimes I wonder if my best interest is the same as their best interest. Anyway, the phone so been dead all day, yesterday the phones rang and rang and rang I was busy and this is good. Today I sit and wait for the phone to ring an wonder what is going to happen.

You know what's weird, is that last two days I have been on testosterone replacement therapy and I seem to be more active network. When the problems with testosterone usage is yet to be very careful on who is exposed, what is exposed to the testosterone jelly. Put we have been doing is applying the jelly smearing it on the target area, before you go to work. But this has to be done early in the morning since I leave for the office at 645 650 something like that. Since Dianne has been helping me with the application it's only fair work around her schedule and what she can or cannot do. So this morning she was pretty tired so we decided to apply the medication in the evening as opposed to the morning. The long run should all be the same the the testosterone will be absorbed by the skin and I will wreak whatever benefits testosterone therapy has to offer. It's where it is today have been somewhat ambivalent, all they and I'm wondering if is the correct results of not applying the testosterone this morning as I had the last test two mornings. I just cannot believe the testosterone's making this much difference work I'm going to have to watch this more closely.

Some Things Never Change

This just weird coming back to the office after being gone for such a long time.  This has been a day  of many phone calls, return calls and just plain ketchup.  I'm feeling okay all things being equal my butt feels little sore but I guess that's to be expected.  Of course, how I was gone we went through pay.  And I wasn't able to submit my timesheets, this morning I try to first thing, and I did it wrong it seems to be the usual thing for me.  Now the timesheets are locked and or have addicted to time been able to go in edit them.  The boss is out of town and is trying to manage this whole thing long-distance from Arizona and again I'm caught in the crossfire.  It's great to be back.

Slowly, Back to the World

March 29th Thursday

I am again University of Utah , for a follow up of the medical valuation I had last to Thursday, I've been down now for nearly a week. Really anxious to get back up into rhythm of my life. I think I'm okay but my doc well have to check out my butt, so I get back to work. Seriously, I'm just too healthy I don't think I'm going to be able to swing a medical disability at this point in time. I guess I should be happy about that but it also means having to deal with trying to find employment the last past July 1. perhaps I'm being late night but I think I can do it I can do some work for me interstate system so keep me in benefits up until next February.

I finished the follow up with more scripts and orders for more down time and she gave me samples for testosterone therapy which I have been avoiding but now I will try it/to see how well the testosterone will heal my butt. If the process is not too traumatic and if the gunk is helpful maybe I’ll continue the therapy. It is all still a lot of stuff to try to absorb.

March 31, 2012 --Saturday

It's Saturday morning, the wind has picked up brisk and warm before the next storm, which should be in tonight sometime. The cold of course will return with the cold front but as the weather guy says “ its spring", but I've been pretty good this week, had been down in bed waiting waiting for my body to heal. I could not do without my tablet, you just said to say how much my life revolves around electronic devices, social networking and direct entertainment from the Internet. In this morning, I started the dreaded Hormonal Replacement Therapy (HRT). This stuff really frightens me, the directions it come with the boiler jelly sounds really scary. I have to rub the jelly on my shoulder were nobody else will touch it let it dry, put on the T-shirt and make sure that no one touched the T-shirt until it's washed. It's really spooky how lethal is the stuff.? But this morning, I guess I was up for a challenge. I was really lucky and pleased when Dianne helped me. She donned plastic gloves and went to work smearing the stuff on my shoulders . I let the stuff dry the 3 min. called for the T-shirt that was it. Now, let's just see what happens. I'll be surprised that the change is as positive as my doc and other reports think. But I have to try it, at least, for the two weeks that the doctor wants me to to see if we can toughen the skin get me past this time skin breakdown.

So, back to work on Monday, and as they say, this is where the rubber hits the road now. I have to really start putting the press on finding another place to work in State. Supposedly, a number of folks working in the background to influence this choice, of finding a place to work. I of course want to find something I can get to easily on the bus route or on TR a XX(I almost changed that, but then I thought looked sort of cool), and the organization of the State I can deal with, I mean really I cannot see myself working for an organization that I loath. Having written that now, I have to say if the location in the building was sort of cool I would consider the place special till just after Christmas, or February. February is the first date that I can retire. I guess also I need to start dragging stuff out my office. This is going to be a job maybe I'll just throw a lot of the stuff away. I hope the next couple months pass with little pain.

Just aying Around

So, it's Tuesday of my week in bed. I have to be down until least Thursday, when I go back to the doc and see  about how well  my butt is. . There is just something not right about having to be in bed when you feel great. I wish I could to get a better outlook on this butt healing  project but it's been difficult for me to do ; I should be thankful that I am not in bed months and months on end like some of my quadriplegic friends with
decubitus sores. Still it's spring and I would like to be outside enjoying the warm weather.
I apologize for  the  lack of  posts to the blog. Between the drama at work, and the going to medical appointments , and then having to  be on bed rest I just haven't felt like writing, and in fact if not for the dictation device on my tablet I would not be posting now . I just hope I'll be able to cut and paste this post  into my blog.
Yesterday, was my c t scan. Dianne drove me  to the hospital and hung out with me while I was having the procedure done. I was scheduled to have the procedure  at 1015 in the morning which means I Had been fasting very long time.  I was hungry.
Morning traffic was uneventful, Monday morning people going back into work. university hospital also seemed to be waking up from a long  weekend. It was not a problem finding parking ,I was surprised , luckly for us, radiology seemed to be a pretty systematic operation of the hospital, the people were ready for me and I went right in for , procedure  as soon as I got there . They  grabbed a couple bodies and hucked me on the ct machine and pulled down my pants and got  the machine going,  you know the way it goes : the tech situates , your body then runs and hides behind the lead partition. Then the tech instructs you how and when to breathe by the use of the voice thing to take  deep breath hold it  then  exhale-- three minutes of  this and I was all done and it was the bodies again throwing me  back into my chair squared a way and sending me on my way.
Since Dianne had been fasting with me, we  decided to stop along the way an have breakfast.
We stopped at the Other Place restaurant.  We both enjoyed the place for some time, since we both used to work in the area of the city. the place is simply a Greek restaurant, serving breakfast all day long and have all kinds of  food to choose  both American and Greek go to choose from . All the food is good so it doesn't really matter what you choose. ' This place used to be a working man,s restaurant /university hang out /good food cheap place But Dianne  and I both noticed the prices seem to be creeping up word : to bad.
When we got home, I had messages on the phone waiting for me, one of which, was a report from chemical work, I had done on the blood pulled the other day. Surprisingly, the report was not  bad, most my levels are okay . I'm low ?on some but most should be taken care of with over the counter drugs. I just hope the CT turns out as well.

Zing A Little Here Zing A Little There…

Yesterday was my A.T Council, a group or board I have been involved with for almost 20 years now here in the Salt Lake area. A. T. Stands for assistive technology a big issue for folks with disabilities, and the folk rehab machine. The Council used to be a pretty big deal actually it was the a. T. Council and with the called M.I. or management implementation board. All the big players in the community attended folk rehab director, Spanish director, representatives from the major private nonprofit agencies and programs of service folks with disabilities were also part of that program. This or do lunch a really good lunch and I still do but the membership dwindled quite a bit over the years. Now we're just a shadow of our former selves to kind of a drag. Interesting to note though, may the players who now attend A T Council are Part of the agencies that have cut the funding my program allowing my position to disappear. I'm finding it challenging to have to see these people on a weekly if not monthly basis, as I make my rounds, to these various meetings. I see the score, I can tell they are uncomfortable, and something has to be said of knowledge situation I find myself in now. I'm intrigued that when I speak of the events of this last legislature which led to the final demise of my position how angry and self-righteous these individuals seem to be. Just curious and I'm hoping that I do not come off to pitcher in these meetings I would hate to be a pariah. Good friend of mine is a director of an assistive technology program across the valley and he attends these meetings as well as I. I texted him yesterday just so I could get a reality check on how I seemed to be coming across at this meeting. Kent indicated I seem to be okay in control of the situation, not striking out and not acting as if I am seeking vengeance. I do want to be vengeful. But I am finding I just may be harboring more anger than I anticipated and as I face a number of these players I cannot help but launch zingers here and there. It's kind of fun, probably not healthy but fun.

This Is only a Drill

Fire truck pulled into the apartment building next to my office today and sent the ladder up to the roof and then set up firemen up there who started walking round and acting all suspicious...I went out and a looked and started taking pictures and kept doing so tell the three guys in the roof started glaring at me. Then the guys packed up the engine and looked like they were leaving but actually pulled the fire engine in behind the apartment house . One of the people in our office went over and asked questions but was told “it is only a drill...” yeah, right, it was right after this the moved in closer to the building. What ever is happening its weird that norther emergency vehicles are around and the fire fighter guys have not told the residents anything or have started evacuating the building or anything---I am sure going to miss this neighborhood when I have to leave.

Hey I'm Still Here!!

The office is getting weirder and weirder there's no question about. I'm becoming invisible, more so than I usually am. I still have no concrete solution to my lack of occupation after first of June or make that July. Our ace in the hole, director of Utah human services took a much deserved week vacation after the legislature concluded. This Palmer is able to indeed pull a rabbit out of his hat, we will find out when he gets back. I suppose really there is no rush except there seem to be a lot of individuals interested in my demise.

Not that there any office barracuda fishing around but my office has been divided up and given the various staff members after leave. I'm pleased that my office the main part, will go to my buddy Frank certainly deserves a window on the West. Such really strange though is that so much that is happened that typically goes on behind closed doors, has been out in the open for all to hear and answer, I. E., The daily rundown of the battle with legislators, the status of my position relevant to those battles, and then the final demise of position altogether. Now, it's not unusual for the loss to be showing Council members and other individuals touring the office how the office is going to be remodeled and divided after I leave. It really doesn't bother me too much, as much as it bothers others in the office seem to be upset if not a light case of grieving at my disposition. For them I feel bad for me I just feel a little surreal again that whole concept of living through your death seeing those who survive will go on. I think staff I begin to wonder when I will begin boxing up my office and making motions I will be leaving. The way I see it I still have a couple months now and happen next month's. Holy cow A lot can happen in a day if the planets are aligned and luck smiles just a little.

Slippage

I'm slipping. I am slipping,I can feel I am slipping and I am having a difficult time trying to correct the slippage. I had a meeting this week I had a meeting today that I completely spaced off. I did not realize I had this meeting until I just happened to see the notification looking at my emails for something else. It was 11:00 am and I suppose I could have sprinted for buses and connections and would have been late but I would still have made the meeting, grabbed the hot lunch and then came back on the bus. I saw the time and thought of the stress of busing and decided to stay at my office. I did not even call the program director to be excused—which I always would have done but no. not today: I am slipping.

I am slipping because I am in vocational limbo. I don't know what is going to happen to me except I will no longer be here at this office or even with the State for that matter. I still sense things are happening in high places regarding my demise and I suppose that is good, if not a little intimidating. Its like why update my web site if it just going dark the end of June; should I even try to appear at information fairs since my program is vanishing: slippage. I should start thinking about boxing up my office but I just cannot box up the place until I get the final word that I have to leave.

My boss has worked long and hard trying to find a place for me to land and she has maybe almost found a place, now she is looking for funding so the program can hire at no impact to their budgets. The place is another room—that is what I do best, phone—the major issue I am having with this almost solution the agency is a private non profit not tied in to the State and what happens to my benefits with the State especially the insurance? I gotta have some form of coverage—the more the better. But I gotta have coverage. I have tried to get this information from the guys at HR, or
Retirement Systems I just cannot pin them down. I would like to think and feel I had till the last day of June but somehow I am sensing that as soon as some program or agency offers me a position I am going to be bum rushed out the front door from here. I would like stay on here as long as I can. That we'll have to see.

Tomorrow is Thursday and tomorrow is also a broadcast day—now, I have not slipped on that. I have about three to four interviews left unless I am rushed out. I like the interviews I would like to keep doing them even when I leave this office. The interviews I can do entirely on my own if I have to but the meetings. My memberships on various councils and board is another matter. I suppose I could serve on them after I am cut loose, but why—I'll have to think on that—this could all be part of the slippage.

Both Sides Now

Last week I was pleasantly surprised when I picked up my phone at my call center and I heard a familiar voice—I was not sure just exactly but I knew I knew them. In a second or two the caller identified himself as John C, my best friend from childhood. John and his older brother Tom were town to ski “the greatest snow on earth”. They had warned me they were going to come to Salt Lake to ski but I did not take their statement seriously. John has a child who now lives in the Sugar House area so the brothers have a place to crash when they come to town—but they called me and wanted to do something...with me, that very afternoon.

Since I work downtown I have any number of places to choose from for a meal suggestion but my mind went black I was so excited. I quickly did a couple of mental slaps in the face to focus and defaulted to Applebees at the downtown mall. I was to meet them at the front of the mall at 11:30 and we would take it from there. I of course had calls right up to the meeting time so I was late meeting them but I was glad to see the two brothers who had totally surprised me a decade earlier when they walked into my dads funereal service. They looked great, we did that awkward hand shake dance finally settling for the hug—a hand shake being too formal for what we had been through as children.

The brothers first came into my life (or I theirs) when I was six, We had just moved to a small farm in S.E. Boise and Jon and his brother were the only other kids in our area—My older brother, Ross and I came as a set, so we fit right in with John and Tom, even though Ross was a bit older then the rest of us he really did not have anyone else to hang with, with the ease and access of John or his brother. So by default John be came my best friend, he must be I use his name as the security name, you know when the computer asks, “Who was you best childhood friend?” Our families never did anything together we just were always together for that short span of life called childhood—we started drifting apart in the 7^th grade the great economic separator of kids. Then they both got real jobs—more financial separation and the I had the accident and that was that.

Now, as adults, we are kind of drifting back, Tom has acquired a disability which may or may not surpass mine as far as severity goes. They are both retired and have the ability to enjoy life a bit. We love to talk about the old days and talk about those folk we used to know and what are they doing now.I think we tend to tell tales about family members,especially if we happen to share the same history. We dance round the edges just barely talking about death, our ages and maybe even our deaths as inevitable. These two are concrete and a comfortable validity of my life past and present.

So, the guys called ME, they really did, will they call again next time their in town I don't know but maybe they did once why not again?

More Than Enough

In all the drama which has had be concentrated on all the wrong things I neglected inform you all and discuss the passing of our twentieth anniversary or is it our 5^th?. The last week of February was wet cold and at times snowy. It not a good tome to go out after work. Still I was very much aware this was our 5th or 20^th celebration. We were married on Leap Year, February 29^th, which comes round once every four years. I could have wanted to celebrate and least go,out for dinner and flowers and during lunch I did visit the downtown drug store and picked up a less the totally cute card. Earlier at least a week earlier I had noticed the new Leonard Cohen's latest CD Old Ideas at the Starbucks where I often seek shelter from the elements when I catch my morning bus. I had Cohen's piece earlier on NPR, when Cohen did an interview—I was taken woth the music-so dark and so rich—like fine coffee almost to dark to drink. I found some samples at Amazon and let Dianne here them and she was as impressed with his music as I but I could not tell if Leonard's music too dark for Dianne but I ran with it anyway better to have a dark collection music then show up at the anniversary empty handed.

As predicted, a storm rolled in on Wednesday night, I was a head of the storm all the way to the train station, homeward bound, as came into the Murray Central station the first punch of the storm was landing, strong winds were blowing snowflakes, emasse in horizontal direction the the ground. I turtled into my jacket as the driver opened the doors of the train and let the bridge down. I noticed that was parked and waiting for my arrival. I dashed down the switchback ramp and headed for the van the wind was freezing spiked with driven snow. I finally boarded the van and we discussed going out to celebrate the day but the elements were against—we elected to do drive thru from the “stands” on State street and went home to hide from the storm. We ate our take out and Dianne made popcorn and covered me with my TV watching blankets.

Because this year has been so tight we have had to be somewhat frugal in the gifting area. I doubt I would have gotten anything for Dianne Old Ideas had not been conveniently at Starbucks. Our evening was quiet and civilized as evenings of folks married twenty years should be. We have weathered most challenges and assaults which tend to erode and weaken relationships in this day of age. Kids, bills, catastrophic illness and bankruptcy and yet, we are still together. We ate committed tom getting by and staying together. I wish we had more money, a new van job security but we don't. We have each other and we both know that having each other is way more then enough.

POINT OF VIEW

The surreal has has upgraded or degraded ( from your POV) to comically bizarre regarding my impending employment doom. I am at the point where I am just working to produce the needed items for people who are requesting items from me which may or may-not hurt my further employment prospect after this job puffs away. Last weekend Dianne and I developed a new and improved resume which is actually beautiful, beautiful in spite of my many self defeating and non-productive behaviors through the creative experience—luckily for me Dianne just patted my head told me to shut up un less I had data or support to give and plowed on with the resume creation. Everyone I have exposed the resume to have been impressed from my current boss to the “Fixer” who emailed me back “Thanks and this is exactly what I needed”. These responses were so rewarding that I have been sending out the resume to folks all over the valley.

One of the very interesting things I have noted going through this resume thing, is how many people and memories I have forgotten. I have actually re-contacted a few I have not engaged with for two decades, mainly past employers—one said “ yeah, I do kinda remember you.” my boss and the Fixer keep working behind the scenes. I had a meeting with the local 211 call line director. She is relatively new but seemed open to hiring someone for to cover the disability question vacuum the loosing of Access Utah Network could create( namely me) if I could bring over a pot of money to cover the position—this sounds a little counter intuitive—like if I could conjure up a pot of money why would I need to migrate to 211? what I understand this maybe what the Fixer may have some input with—he maybe able to come up with some one time money which could get me passed the next year and into retirement age and retirement land. The current legislative season is nearly complete and as the season winds up powerful folk with see what funds may be hanging round after the blood letting is over. I really do not need much, I really don't, as the famous cartoon Mitt Romney says “ all we need is just enough”

Its March, snow fell yesterday and during the night, I made it to work OK, rattled my teeth a little with all the ice ruts on the streets getting to the bus stop but I made it loosing control on the but once and I was able to stop my forward motion before I slid off the curb. It cold too but not too cold. Snow has been flurring off and on all day but there are patches of blue and the sun keeps breaking through burning off the snow and giving me hope. Its March, after all, the day's hours of sunlight are longer and longer forcing the season to reconsider its grip in the area and think of moving on, twenty days to Spring nuff said.

Surreal

Word came down this afternoon that my position, my job is officially drying up at the end of this fiscal year which will be June 30. We've tried and tried but just have not found a way to stay in this office. Okay, now this does not necessarily mean I'm out of a job it just means I'm out of a job here. The program I have worked for the last 12 years will be gone: the website, the phone numbers , and the sales bank; which is a real shame because those items have actually done a great deal of good. It's surreal now that you and is as official as the ends going to be. I knew this was coming and I thought I was fairly well prepared for the event, but I find myself with host of questions, a hollow feeling and confusion of what to do next.

I have become a casualty of the small political firefight. My boss, has earned some political heat from a powerful local legislator. In my position has got eliminated in the crossfire. It's okay for the last couple years a lot of state employees have gotten the ax. I am pleased and thankful it is taken so long for the acts to fall on me. Now my boss is great, she is been working night and day trying to find either funding to keep my position active or to develop some sort of safety did for me. Lucky for me she has a friend with a high level position at the agency level who has agreed to work with me to find another position somewhere in state government for me to land in. I have to admit, this is a little spooky, I've gotten pretty comfortable here, I just hope if I am fortunate enough to find further employment with the state, I love you make the transition, fit in and most of all be able to get to the work site on public transit. I need to explore other options which might be out there for me --I need to examine the retirement card or a disability card and see which will best meet my needs.

So this guy, I'll call the fixer, wants an updated working copy of my resume. What a drag, had hoped I had a copy in one of my files here at the office that is a no go. So, next I will spend the next couple days, frantically tearing apart the house, desperately searching for my last known resume. Hopefully finding the resume will only necessitate adding the last 12 years I have worked at this position. Hopefully I will not have to reconstruct the whole thing. Read doing a whole resume with truly be a night mirror. So I've got my marching orders, I got to start packing my desk, deleting files and start really considering leaving this office. Who knows, maybe this is the exact shakeup my life needs at this point in time--don't think any shakeup that maybe greater forces are at work. Sometimes you just have to accept what's coming down. It still very surreal.

Step by Step

I just got off the phone with State Retirement Systems, that state organization responsible for keeping track of earned income earned vacation earned sick leave. I have been advised by my colleagues here at work and family members that the time has indeed, come when I need to get the real lowdown on separating from the work world. I must admit I have drug my feet no small distance in making this phone call. The phone call and subsequent meeting means to me, this is real. There will be a time when my services are no longer required in I will be staying home every day instead of getting up dressing and showing up at work.

Last week in an effort to save a few dollars, I left the house early, geared from my regular course and stopped in at the local McDonald's for a latte, which was half the price of a latte at Starbucks. I was shocked as I crashed through the doors of the perennial fast food joint – – now serving breakfast every day – – to see 20 or 30 faces, aged and looking just like mine turn and face me as I entered the joint. Something which really unsettled me, was that I felt right at home like this was the place I was meant to be at this time in the day at this age my life. That's weird. The latte machine was broken, so I grabbed a coffee filled it with milk and zipped out the door and to the bus stop.

People at my office have been counseling me what to do, and more importantly not to do, with the State so that I separate with such organization in the best financial situation possible. This is getting a bit confusing for me, but I'm told to him it certain pieces of information, or fabricate pieces of" information " I begin to get nervous. Already I feel I'm living on the verge of conspiracy if not collusion to commit fraud. So just got off the phone with Penny, who I'm sure felt I was intellectually challenged in trying to convey my needs to her. I wanted to make an appointment to meet with a representative of State Retirement where I can sit and asked the big questions regarding my sick leave, annual leave, archived sick leave. I have a bunch of leave accrued, and I need to best find out how to spend the leave especially if I have go on long term disability, which somehow means I will be without medical coverage for up to 18 to 24 months and I need to know if I have the resources to bridge this health Gap. Penny advised me she knew exactly what I was speaking of, and I would not need to have a formal appointment set to speak with a professional retirement systems. I just have to drop-in between eight and five and one of the people will work with me guide through the maze, can direct me how I will spend the rest of my life without work.

Sometimes Its Better Just Knowing...

Note: this was supposed to be posted last night but my computer froze up as I was trying to post so here it is this a.m.)

It's been a long week and its only Tuesday but sine Monday things have been happening fast and furious. The State Legislature is in session which means my boss is extremely busy trying to get the “Klingons” to cease their rape of people with disabilities and low in come. Usually during the legislature O usually keep my head down and direct a lot of calls of folks trying to contact their legislators for one reason or another. However, this year the legislature has be come become very personal. This is the year the legislature actually took dead aim on my program and “pulled the trigger” adding language to the proceeding which essentially made it illegal for my three funders to continue to fund my program and there for me.

I cannot say this move does not surprise me. In fact I am grateful it has taken so long for the boys on the hill to get me in their sights. I have always managed to wiggle away and I still may have a little wiggle room we just have to see. It all started yesterday at lunch when my boss came back to the office from the legislature to announce that she had basically been bushwhacked by the committee. In fact they directly indicated my program, Access Utah network, should not get any more funding from the three agencies that have provided my funding over the years. The good representative felt that each of the individual funding agencies should have their own information referral system inside the program. This is pretty silly we have the whole should match set up here and close us down will be probably more expensive than keeping us going another year. The boss told us that she would probably have to testify this morning at an earlier hearing. The hearing would start at eight o'clock. We all begin working with the boss to develop testimony that she would be able to use in hopes of saving Access Utah. The more we worked on this project the more it seemed essential that I alone operator for access Utah be there in case the boss or the committee members need further information. Then my buddy Frank is in the office next door decided he becomes moral support.

So for me to be up on Capitol Hill at eight o'clock in the morning means I am going to have to catch an earlier bus than usual, to get to the hub then take Route 500 up to the state capital building. Under normal circumstances, this would not be a problem, but part last night was spent at the emergency room which caused no little stress and I'm sure did help my sleep at all. Luckily, we took off before name was called so far things are okay. More on that another time. Dianne drove me to the train so I could catch the 6:30 AM train to the transit hub. Everything went well, I got my train I got the bus and I got to the capital right on time. This morning session started about 20 min. late and they had a boatload of stuff to get done. My boss made some great comments and Frank and I smiled our faces off but we were no challenge for the wicked representative from Utah County. A couple other representatives spark some interest in my program which gives us some hope albeit false hope it feels good. The writings on the wall we know it like having cancer can know you it and you know it is going to get you but you just are not sure when. It's terrifying but when the.finally tells you you've got it cancer, did you things in order to write a check out visits, aside from miracle you're out here.

The boss has been in her office with the door closed, on the phone, talking like the used car sales woman she used to be, she is got the lay of the land now and it's not much different than we thought. I'm pretty much done here but that will not be tell the end of June. So we have some time, if possible I need to stay in state employment for one more year at least to qualify for benefits under state retirement system but the price would be astronomically heavy. Lots to think about.

Have to admit, I was pretty excited as I was getting ready for work this morning. I was dressed, had breakfast, packed my backpack and was ready for my day. I was mining the refrigerator for something I could take in for lunch. Seriously, I really rather would stay “in”at lunch, and enjoy a simple but tasty meal here at the office. When I pulled out the meat-bin in the fridge, there was a pack Oscar Meyer wieners. I knew these guys were in there but you know, “out of sight out of mind” I forgot they were there. I grabbed the dogs and threw them and to my backpack flew out the front door. I was not sure how I would use these dogs but I knew the tube steaks would come in handy.

My " call morning" was relatively busy. And I had calls write up to lunch hour. I was not sure if, I wanted to eat my Oscar Meyer hotdogs playing or try to find some red product to go with them. There is the German bakery across the street that I really didn't want suit up and head out when I remembered I still had pieces of bread I brought him last week hidden in the back of the fridge. So I figured if I nuked the hot dog, slap some mustard on the bread I would be set. So off I went. The bread was a little stiff so I threw wheat slice 10 seconds in the microwave which did the trick perfectly pulled the bread out and stuck the hot dog in and set the nuker for 20 seconds and turned my attention back to the bread. I'd use the mustard last week so it was still out on the counter in our small kitchen area here at the office and I grabbed the bottle and shook it vigorously. There's nothing I hate more than squirting separated mustard water on a perfectly good piece of bread are hot dog bun. It's just disgusting. The mustard I use is Frenches mustard in the bright yellow squeeze bottle. So, I grabbed the bottle, barely wheezing and a bright yellow stream of mustard shot out landing on my scarf sweater and pants in short all over me. I was in shock, how can such a simple task such as dressing your bread for a hot lead to such a mess. I am the King of messes. I wore dark clothes today so I should've realized something like this was going to happen I thought about stopping everything I was doing and heading over to the sink, weddings and towels and start trying to remove the yellow gunk. I knew if I tried that however I would make matters worse and smear the gunk everywhere. So I decided to leave good enough alone. The was half over what I have to lose?

I love Oscar Meyer hotdogs, these dogs did not disappoint me. I applied the mustard to the bread liberally, and place the dog on the bread and wrapped the bread around the wiener. The hot dog was great I chewed as long as possible before swallowing. It was still a fast lunch and I was back covering the phones happily thinking I still had six hotdogs left enough to cover my lunch need till the end of the week.

Happy Day Before Birthday

To day is dark, gray and cloudy Wednesday afternoon, today before my birthday once in my office dictating to my blog. They started out early as always, but I was a little excited because the office decided today to have my birthday meal. The office does this for everyone on or around their birthday they usually have a luncheon of some sort. Today I got the breakfast because tomorrow, my actual birthday, is a busy day very few staff would be around during lunch. Which is okay with me I don't have a problem with that as long as I get a meal somewhere along the line. Seriously is a nice gesture and today the meal was over at Denny's restaurant for South.

Actually, I really wasn't even aware that there was to be a birthday lunch until yesterday afternoon as I was getting ready to leave the Boston your head in the door and informed me lunch would be tomorrow. It seems, by the time my birthday rolls around, February 2. The state legislature is in full session in this office ramps up and is much busier than usual. On this February 2, not only is Legislature in session running full bore but the office is also having the Council" day at the legislature". On this day, all the staff at the office is up at the state legislature in capacity or another. May get so busy around here, I wouldn't be surprised if they had forgotten my birthday altogether. But they didn't.

The breakfast today, as indicated, was at Denny's. I think this is the second or third time we've done downtown Denny's for these kind of events. And actually, I sort of like Denny's food, the services okay and facilities are for relatively accessible. But the downtown Denny's is always a circus. The downtown Denny's is not far from the Salt Lake homeless shelter, Pioneer Park in the Trailways bus pickup point-so the crowd at the downtown Denny is always colorful. Typically, because I use public transit, they tend to be early at these events. This morning was cold and as I waited on the platform for for the train, I realized I could take the University Train which comes almost 10 min. before my regular train. That's what I did I hopped the Redline and was headed in bound, so I got to the restaurant by 7:30, a half hour before any other staff showed up.

Really, the place was a zoo, I ordered coffee and sat and watched the homeless folk outside and in side the restaurant—people shaking, talking to themselves and others who were not necessarily there. Since I was all bundled in my red coat I hit the bathroom to take my jacket off without offending anyone. Denny's at this time of day seems to cater to homeless, construction folk heading to work and inner city, county and state busers waiting for the next Trailways or big gray dog. Once I got the table reasonably occupied I headed to the bathroom, where I can take off my coat without offending anyone incase I show a little too much skin. I could not believe how rank the bathroom was or the fact there were two homeless folk doing their business, a full house, glad I did not have to use the facilities. One rumpled man started a conversation with anyone as he wrestled his clothes on, talking about he was going to jump the next bus out of town, he did not care what he had to do, and before I knew what I was doing I was agreeing with him, telling him that leaving Salt Lake City was the best decision he could make today. He got excited and I got excited and if I had dared grab his hand and if I could have jumped up and down we would have been yelling, and holding hands and jumping up and down in a circle, in the men's john at the downtown Denny's. I came to my senses and asked the homeless buser to open the door for me and grabbed my coat and headed back to the table. A few minute later I saw the Trailways bus pull into the parking lot and off load passengers, a couple of minutes later the homeless guy climbed onboard and by now is miles away heading for a new life, a better life then he could ever have here. I hope he makes it.

Bye Bye Rehab...

I've known this date is coming I've known for some time, in fact every time you begin something new , just by virtue of beginning there is going to be an”1End” somewhere down the line.. Yesterday, Monday, was I thought ,my last day in physical therapy for this insurance year . I've been doing physical therapy for almost a half a year now. Twenty-six. visits is what I get on my insurance allocation, and I've about finished my insured visits. I started out have my physical therapy appointment on Fridays, however this week I switched to Monday so Dianne could come with me. Dianne is only free on Mondays and we needed to have Dianne at this PT session so she could learn some physical therapy movements and processes to help me with my physical therapy at home.

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that my physical therapy is ending. I'm not really sure how much good physical therapy does once a week. Couple years ago I used my therapy in three day a week segments and I saw some improvement in my physical state. Even if I was not as happy with my physical therapist I had then as I am now the three day a week schedule helped me in my ability to transfer from chair to power chair to battle back again. A lot of things changed this year. This time last year the state still on a four-day week which allowed me to schedule my PT appointment on the day I had no work. I did not lose any of my vacation are sick leave. However last September State went back to a five-day workweek meaning I now had to take at least four maybe five hours to do my physical therapy session and get back to work. So having to pay for the 20% of the physical therapy appointments the insurance did not cover plus having to eat 4-5 hours of vacation or sick time, I suddenly realized I was losing out big time and I needed to consider just how much the physical therapy was actually helping me. Hopefully, if I continue to work at this position will have another 26 visits, July 1.

I was under the impression that yesterday was my last therapy visit for this year. But now the scheduler seems to indicate that I have yet one more visit, which is cool but I wonder just how many visits I have coming because this more visit' routine is getting old. I have to say goodbye to everyone all over again and then look stupid when I show up the next week and have to explain what I m doing there. So I have a call into to PT to see if they can give me a definitive answer and if I have to show up for my regularly scheduled appointment this coming Friday morning.

Breaking News: I just got off the phone with the P.T. scheduler from the U., and looks like they have found two !! more visits--and of course my Friday slot has been filled so I will be doing another Monday morning"Last"visit. My P.T. says she want to "hold" onto the other visit so when we get an P.T. aid who will visit us at our house and stretch and bend me there( which is another story entirely)--Doc Sue my therapist

Wednesday Challenge

I'm trying to get my stats done an I just cannot get to them, I mean this is really bad major self defeating behavior. I am really setting myself up for failure and I just cannot get myself to stop. Someone help me--not really just kidding--I am just having challenge.

Speaking of challenges, this morning while transferring from my manual chair to my power chair, my power chair, left forward, forcing me out of my manual chair. Fortunately, I did not fall completely out of my chair, but I was left hanging precariously on my chair, and I had to screen for Dianne, who was able to come and help me get back into my chair proper and then finished getting into my chair completely. It was a scary situation for me. I don't know what I'm going to do when I fall the way it down to the floor. Going to happen, going to slip and fall I'm just trying to voyages long as possible. Each day and make a successful transfer things I'm that much closer to the day. I don't make successful transfer and hit the floor and then have to figure out how to get back off the floor in the my chair. These are the things I look forward to as I celebrate the 61st birthday in a weeks time. Because of the problems I was having this morning getting dressed and out the door. I missed my regular bus. I took the time to cash in my free coffee from Starbucks fellows. One highlight of my morning.

I got a go. I got a go, I have to do the stats. Bonnie's on my case. Happy Wednesday out.

Testing One, Two Three

Diann go me Dragon and dictate for Christmas an I have have just started using the system an software and i am finding out i quite lake the whole shooten match. The only problem now is i need to have two headsets or at least microphone systems. I have been trying to use just the head e micro-phone which came with the software but that means having to pack the gear up an drag it with me wherever I go or don't use the program--and I'm beginning to really like the program. I got sick last Thursday night and did come into the office friday o everything I let on my desk stayed on my desk the whole long holiday weekend. I actually thought of running down to best buy to pick up a heap microphone but wussed out due to the cold dark weather. So this morning I used up the rest of my Christmas gift cards n bought a real cheapie on line--now I just have to wait,wait an wait and drag the headset back and forth until the cheapie comes.

Baptism and a Movie Part 2

9:30 a.m.--The gods were with me , or at least one God was. Between my son Mark a and grand daughters I was fairly respectable when I rolled into the chapel and the beginning of baptism. Now, here I have to admit it has been a long time sine my baptism and I have not been to too many others. But I had been to a couple of Mormon baptisms but the seemed to have changed to what I remembered, In the old days, the kid getting dunked would show up with the others o be baptized Saturday night before Fast and Testimony(F&T) meeting. The individual was processed underwater and then the confirmation took place the next day at the F&T meeting always held the first Sunday of the month excepting for Federal holidays and natural disasters. The ordinance was pretty straight forward event; usually an opening prayer maybe a few remarks by the officiating male, the ordinances and that wwas it...but now things seemed to have changed.

Now, there seems to be a program, in fact there are even programs outlining the events of the meeting, songs to be song, names of officials, music directors and even speakers and then the kids are baptized I could been an half hour late and not missed the event! I settled in for what I perceived might be a long morning. I should have realized the event would be long after all this is Utah, it seems my grAnd daughter was just one of a number of kids born in December eight short years ago and today there were not less then eight others being baptized and confirmed.

The baptism is held in a Stake Center, a large LDS meeting house, bigger,s some times much bigger then the ward house or chapel. The Stake Center comes equipped with the baptismal pool, a pool of water deep enough for the child and grown up to both enter and lay the candidate completely under water. The baptism is traditionally attended by family of the child. Immediate and extended if possible. Mormon families can be huge so depending on home many are being processed there can be many in attendance. So there are babies, little brothers and sisters everywhere, there is a loosely controlled chaos and this chaos is loud enough on a Sunday but on a Saturday something had to be done. So, the baptism is broken up into wards and each ward is baptized in its time in the case of my grand daughter there were four wards and each ward would do they're own individual baptism.

So there is a main meeting where all the baptism candidates and their families are gathered, and before and before the baptisms begin the meeting is held and after a general introduction and overview of events each individual is called and the kids and families leave the chapel and troop over the baptismal area leaving those unfortunate not to bee called alone in the chapel to wait to b called.

Please bare in mind, in the Mormon faith these ordinances can be preformed by anyone who is worthy and holds the power, always a guy and usually some family member and usually the dad. So the kid and well as the individual doing the baptizing must completely change clothes, get totally wet and change back again=long time and there are still a bunch a folk i.e. kids and infants back in the chapel getting restless. I have to admit here I soon became impressed. When the baptizing began the chapel darkened, the movie screen descended and soon one of the LDS greatest hits was playing for the benefit of all those who remained behind—and I was impressed. A film about the theological roots of baptism was being screened. Great acting, sound and story line anything as good as De-mille could have produced interrupted only when the next group was called and all trooped out and down to the “pond.”

Of course our group was last—and I never did get to see the end of the movie. But Jasmine was baptized and confirmed. The ordinance was simple and sweet and over. Jasmine got to pick her choice of restaurants for lunch and there was great pressure placed on her to choose some place like Olive garden but the newly baptized girl new what she wanted was McDonald’s with a Play Land and that is where the family ended up: a brand new page, a movie and Mc Donald’s what could be better...?

Baptism and a Movie Part !

My granddaughter, Jasmine, was born eight years ago this last December. Eight fast years, hard to believe. I do not see Jasmine as often as I would like, a couple times a year: birthdays, holidays and sometimes when her dad comes over to mow the yard or help me with some computer problem I might be experiencing, a problem I cannot fix on my own. The family has moved far west and south of Murray and makes it problematic for us to get over to Day Break. Trax has recently opened a station at DayBreak and as soon as the winter breaks and the days warm I am going to go over to \Day Break and visit more often.

Mark A called last week to let me know that Jasmine would be baptized and asked if we would like to be present. I of course indicated I would-feeling a sting of terror of having to re-enter that great monolith religion, have effectively left. But Jasmine is my granddaughter and I need to show her I love and support her. Besides a baptism is a short ordinance and should not take long, least wise that is how our family had experienced the event. I was a little surprised when Mark A indicated the event would take place at 9:30 in the morning, in the morning?! I had understood things had changed with the baptism ordinance and the event was now down on Saturday morning and the confirmation too getting everything done on Saturday not eating in to the time of the Sunday fast and testimony meeting.

Dianne was not feeling well yesterday morning so it would be just me going to the baptism. I was up early enough on Saturday morning, I knew I would have to leave way early to make the drive across the valley. I get lost easy, I always get lost and I always have to build time into any destination I have not ever been before by myself. True to form I DID get lost. Daybreak is a designed community wiles away to the South and West of Salt Lake city. I had actually written the address on my cell and put the phone in my pocket—so I could call Mark A, when I became hopelessly lost, and he could talk me into church. And sure enough as I was adjusting myself on the driver's sear the cell slipped from my pocket and landed deep into the step besides the drivers seat next to the door. I had given myself 2 hours to make the trip.

By 9:00 o-clock, thirty minutes before the baptism I was in the general area of the church but I could not find the chapel as much as I drove and tried to read the signs. A light snow had fallen during the night, enough to cover many of the street signs but I thought I could make it.

By 9:15 I knew I needed help because I would need time to get to the chapel, park down load and throw myself back together. I truly mess my closes up when I transfer into and out of my chair to drive. I knew I was going to have to bolt to the bathroom to tuck myself in, put on a shoe. I heard my cell phone,muffled by distance somewhere under my seat. I pulled over, opened the driver's door and then leaned out and saw my cell phone just under my seat. I managed to grab the cell , it took a minute or two but I got it and called my son, who was en route from his work, and mark A led me into the chapel at 9:25.

I down loaded and bolted to the bathroom to put myself back together. I had a few minutes before the ordinance was to begin. In my haste to down load I had lot one shoe from my foot. I sent Mark A. back to the van and got my shoe and cell phone and tablet I had left on the seat of the van in my haste to get to the church on time. ( End part 1)

It's Not About Me!!

What a weird morning but still enjoyable like winning something totally unexpected, like winning something when you did not even know you were in the contest. I am fortunate enough to have a window, actually two windows and both open to the West of Salt Lake City, actually 300 West and many who visit the building my office inhabits park in front of this great building. I enjoy watching people come and go all day long.

Recently, our building got a new tenant the Utah Asian Association,which will be known from now on as the Asians . This opening has been a long time coming, more then a year. Before the Asians the Mexican consulate shared the building with us. The building has three floors so these folks run a pretty big operation. So, once again our building is full of noise and people coming and going and I have a great continuing show with my Window on the West. So, imagine my surprise today when a station wagon pulled up and two people got out and I was a bit taken aback I recognized the folks as my cousins (my cousin and his wife)!!

My cousin Jess and Judy live all the way in the South Valley area know as Sandy ,Utah. Really the only way they could be all the way up, town parked in front of my very window was to specifically see me. And the only reason they would be all the way up town would be something so large and so dark had occurred, and everyone they knew who knew me/or us had lost our phone number making it mandatory that they drive all the way uptown to deliver the grim news and the only new which could be this grim would be the passing of my most ancient Aunt Elaine. So, I knew a ill wind was on its way.

Because these people are even older then I am and because I imagined them becoming confused when trying to convey to the Asians , who are new in the building and wold not immediately know who I was let a lone where I might be, I flung open the door to head the folks off at the pass. Sure enough there the both of them were engaged with the director of the Asian association I deep conversation which took on an even deeper level of concentration as they witnessed a fat man in a powered wheelchair emerge from the office across the hall and rush toward like he knew you should know him. I could sense their anxiety escalate as somewhere in their old brain they were being warned that somehow they should know this guy but “keep the shield up”. Then suddenly the light breaks through and the realize it is I their wayward cousin. I then notice there are wearing their little “Mormon” tags that all missionaries wear and I remember,'that’s right they are serving a work mission. They are serving a work mission with the downtown Asian ward!! So they weren’t here to see me—which is OK, which also means that Aunt Elaine is not dead.

So once again I am brought back to reality, I am not the center of the Universe, as much as I sometimes imagine. But how nice to believe tht every once in a while.

Vacation's Over

Back to work, everyone is back from the yuletide break—vacation is over, school is back in session—nice to 1have staff back in place—no major surprises and a few traumas. The phone calls have been strong for the first day back—the beautiful non winter like weather continues. Cold over night with days warming to the upper 40 and low 50's, lots of inversion an no snow. NO SNOW—everyday with ou the white stuff and ice box temps them\ snow brings is one day closer to Spring without the trauma of a snow storm. I doubt if I will be lucky enough to ride out this winter without a major storm but here we are the first week of January and looks like clear weather all the way to the weekend. Sure we could have a major snow event next week and another in February and that might be it.

We have been without the TV since before New Years and it does not seem to be getting itself fixed with everything closed over the holiday weekend and now with everyone back to work, so we have been spending much more time on systems and on the INTERNET. Internet is fine and good but not the network. I am may be too old to adapt and we know what happens to those who cannot adapt.

Happy New Year!!

I am slow getting the posts to the new year's blog.I just have to gt my rhythm and I think the rhythm will come maybe as I get the Dragon and dictate down ans loose my self awareness. But I am not there yet. So stay tuned and I will return to my daily posts. Happy New Year every one...

Move In Day

We have been fortunate for the past coupe of years of being the only office in this entire building—oh, there was a time when we shared ghe building with the Mexican Consulate and I like that—I think I was about the only one at my office who did. We had hordes of Mexicans coming into our office thinking our office was the Consulate, infact this building became too small for the Consulate's needs and moved out about 18 months ago—we have been the lone folks here ever sense. The building owner has been telling us of and on for about a year that he had once again rented the property to another minority group, this time the Asians. I really thought the guy was just blowing smoke and the eternal renovation was just a process for his ego. However, in the last week the renovation has become intense with jack hammer pounding—they even built us a code firewall of the front of our office which has been driving me crazy. The disconnected the power doors into our offices and actually rehung one door backwards—the doors all have hydraulic pumps making them so heaving I can barely access the office by myself. Hopefully before they finish the renovation they will reconnect the door. The building itself has been refitted with a new security system—the system now has a feature where a timer is actuated when the building exterior doors are opened (with key) and someone has to input a code to disconnect the system or ear piercing alarms go off and a rent-a-cop company is called and the whole system has to be rest. Yesterday, the first day back to work and I had to open the building andd of course I set off the alarm. The alarm sounded for twenty minutes, shut off and then started again—the cops never showed up as they had done a couple of months ago.

Yesterday the big tucks started pulling up, parking directly in front of my “window on the West” and a gang of five or seven dressed in hoodies, black watch caps and gloves jumped out open the back and started carrying desks, chairs, tables and lots of file cabinets out of the truck and across the hall to the Asian agency. Earlier in the month Frank at my office indicated he had been to the secrete Information Technology room where they had an impressive server arrady hordes. And voices, all morning in the hall people coming and going, laughing shouting and calling out—and this is just their staff claiming individual office space. Windows and familiarity with the premises. There is supposed to be chaos next Tuesday when the Asians first real day of services begins.

Already the Asians have taken over the building like they own it—they have been exhibiting a certain swagger only large populations can render.. The Asians have already settled into the building like they have always been here. Helping our office cope with THEM being here. It feels weird. Our sleepy building is being slapped awake. We are going to have to assimilate to these new folk and quick or we will be just one more species kicked to the side of the road.

Christmas 2011

Well Christmas is over for another year, the gifts have been given and received, meals eaten, family greeted, as the sun sets on the second day of Christmas. Can you tell? I got new software for Christmas. This year Dianne gifted me in DragonDictate nuance system and I'm trying learn how to use it. So, I expect this post will be less enjoyable to read but I might as well jump in feet first and learn this pesky software. I got Dianne a new camera, a Nikon cool pics. Diane seems to truly enjoy using the new camera. The red Nikon I was letting her use finally gave up the ghost and it was time for something new. Now, I must confess that I really did poorly gifting this year and basically changed in and relied totally on Amazon.com. But from what I can tell those who did receive that Amazon gift cards seem appreciate which leads me think that I will be using again as embarrassing as using gift cards might be. Using the gifts cards or rather giving that gift gift was simple and relatively painless and counted as true gift giving. Dianne actually manufactured a couple of her gifts for me: robes made for people we use wheelchairs. To robes were made from towels which will be great for me when exiting the shower one was from sort if a flannel material and will be great for just wearing round the house are watching television. Truly these are great gifts and what Christmas should be about.

There were no grand meals our house this Christmas which is okay we did okay for Thanksgiving nets good. Now I must admit Bridget and Gabriel did have a breakfast on Christmas morning but I chose not to go, I am just a poop. Mark A did make it over last evening to receive Christmas gifts that we gave his family. Mark set the example for me using Amazon.com who gift. And I really do appreciate the gift cards which allow me to take advantage of the many e-books that are out there.

I just got busy and washed the dishes we have had hanging around the sink. And I might do some more cooking before this is through that I it. My Christmas vacation is just about finished. Tomorrow I am back at the office manager phones and taking care of business. Now the more I thought about working between the holidays and and how the telephones have been I am beginning to rethink my decision to work between the holidays. Diane actually is not babysitting as I thought she would be, which was my driving motivation to work between the holidays. So if nothing else I will go in at least in the mornings and return calls from the previous afternoons.

I have not been able to do all I had wanted to do this Christmas, but isn't that usual? We do what we can to try to enjoy what we able to do. I would've loved to cook more and had a few more family gatherings that is difficult time consuming, confusing and just challenging. Sometimes less is more. So this is my Christmas post dictated entirely with Dragon it's awkward still, and I have to admit a new at dictation, but I think this will really be helpful once I get the dictation down, sounding more normal, and less self-conscious. But I am encouraged again Merry Christmas everyone.