On being a better person

. My life to some degree has fallen into a routine that's good. I think right after retirement I was floundering having too much time not knowing what to do with this newfound time. I think I was wise by keeping some contact with my previous life by volunteering at 21. That works for one day a week. Then I strongly got into the Wellness program and this is great. It fills a whole afternoon three days a week of going down to rehab and working out. I believe I am now seeing good results, positive results in my body and it myself in my mind. I'm focused on working out and making my physical body better. I think I've dropped some weight and and pumped up by attitude about myself.

I still felt myself sinking into a bit of depression. I've had a couple moments of anxiety and general fear of what I don't know, or I didn't know until one evening while lying in bed was trying to figure out what was missing in my life. I remembered earlier that day visiting with one of the folks I associate with at United Way and telling him halfheartedly, jokingly that I felt I One step ahead of the dark side by doing good works. Now these good works don't have to be totally conscious. Just by my work in the disabled field I was constantly doing good works whether I want to or not, it was part of the job. When I'm lucky enough to be exposed to this group of people in desperate need of information to their problems with disability I often go beyond just the basics of their question and give them much more information, ideas and possibilities that they might consider when coming to grips with the life of disability. I realize without my work I don't have that easy access to people in need and I think that has had an impact on my life. I believe the person needs to be doing good, to be helping out their fellow being. I found doing so when doing good is not part of your job cabby quite challenging. I also noticed that many times during the day I am given opportunities to act out and I fail to act on those opportunities. How stupid am I? Twice yesterday for example, I was on the tarmac and people, homeless, possibly, folk asked me for money. Now, I used to carry two or three dollars that I could have one of these people and be on my way. I had the money but when they came up to me I turned cold and either just rolled past are made some comment like” not today”. So this is not me, or is it? I need to get back to not questioning why this person is asking me for money and just give and be done with it. Am I that shallow that I cannot do this. My day is not so busy that I can't pass up my fellow man as I have been doing. I believe myself is telling me” slow down” and help do your part, share your blessings. This is easy, you just have to give part of yourself to somebody else. I must confess I've been neglecting my neighbor, an ancient who does not have much time left on this planet. I can only visit with this person and good weather since their steps to his home and I cannot enter without lots of help. I used to go over to his house every day and visit sometimes for a few minutes sometimes for a couple hours but I did it and I don't do it now. Now, I must force myself to do this and make time to do this – – where's my spontaneity?

There it is, on this last day of July 2013. I am going to try to recalibrate myself to be a better person spend less time on the computer, in the Internet and focus on my fellow man and hopefully feeling better about myself.

July Endings

Doing better more posts this month but I CAN do better. i never did heard back fron nudist group perhaps it is best...perhaps there is a little crip discrimination going on which would sad. Oh well, i am happpy with who i am,naked or not. Its almost  August hard the believebut true. More tomorrow,maybe.

Clothes Optional

I'm coming out. There I've said it. I'm coming out of the closet and admitting that I'm a budding nudist. Oh, I've not really taken any action on this monumental decision to come out but for the first time I'm in knowledge my feelings about being naked. I like being naked, I wish I could be naked all the time but that's not practical. I have to go outside sometimes, you have to be in public for shopping, my volunteer job, just being out there you have to cover up your nakedness.

For me a quad/tetrapegic for over 40 years now clothes has been my nemesis. Seriously, my acceptance being in public naked happened after my accident. Seemed like for weeksI was completely naked all the time except for the little smock the hospital gave you in weak stab and modesty; luckily the time was summer the least I was cold and I could sense. The hospital nudity was just practical for the nurses and docs. I cannot even begin to count the times I would be naked on the bed flat on my back and my penis hanging out and getting prepped for catheterization and the nurse would be called away for one reason or another and invariably a candy striper or visitor would walk in the room. It was just easier to smile and say hello and to get all freaked out over the intrusion and my nudity. I found having next to no hands the less amount of clothing I had to get on get off the better. I've been blessed over the years to have just enough hand function to do most things I need to do independently. But still, having one pair of pants to pull up is hard enough I did not want to have to worry bout shorts then or now. I don't wear socks only during late Fall Winter into early Spring. I only wear shirts to protect the public from my obesity-- but that's changing. More than once I have fallen out of my chair for one reason or another and who is ever around are the designated lifters. Case in point, couple summers ago I was crossing the street to a restaurant not far from my office. I was in my manual chair in my front wheel can't a rock or something and I flew out of my chair on the street. I of course could not get myself back in the chair and relied on good Samaritans passing and they did help. Couple of men and three or four women all bent to assist and of course the pant were the first to go. Once again there I was partially nude in a big way—they got me pulled up the pants and I went on my way. It would just be easier to be naked all the time.

I love the heat in the summer, love hot summer nights the hotter the better. I love to set out on my deck in the dark naked, drink a beer smoked cigarette and watch my neighborhood in the dark. When I can I love to sit on the deck and back in the house, in the dark naked and watch the trains flyby. I like being naked and being outside, I am a nudist! Dianne found a local website about salt Lake Nudists—I joined the page but have not heard back yet. I doubt I will really do anything about participating but is just empowering to know that I can... If I want to... Clothing optional.

Cave In

I just got off the phone with Rehabilitation. I was returning a call from the rehab nurse who was responding to my request yesterday for a Home Evaluation that event when an occupational therapist is dispatched to your actual living environment to see and recommend what can be done to make your home more livable, making me more independent. I have been fighting this incursion into my personal space for at least three years now. My primary physical therapist, Sue began making the suggestion which it did not take very seriously. Her suggestions seemed pie-in-the-sky to me, costing lots of money and being physically impractical in the housing we currently live in. It's funny how these professionals think – – true, these professionals operate in the “best practices” concept their suggestions just seem over the top to me. I would just look at Sue and she would make the suggestions shake my head and cruelly laugh, like she didnot know which is talk about . I'm sure I hurt her feelings on more than one occasion. Really, I did not want someone coming into my house and taken over the way I live.

So I don't know if I am mellowing or just exactly what but I am revisiting these ideas of having an OT command my house and recommend options which might make my living here more independent and long-term. Maybe it's because I finally got into the wellness program, or maybe it's the testosterone regimen that I thought it went on our maybe it's the increased difficulty I seem to be having just doing my activities of daily living. Maybe this seeming success I am enjoying through retirement, wellness and testosterone therapy. This is all weird and him having to sneak up on it but when I do I think I have seen all this has really helped me and seems to be somewhat restorative and just exciting.

So, I imagine in a couple weeks I'm going to have an occupational therapist come into my house wander through and see how I live. I think I know the therapist who will do the evaluation and she is one I've seen that wellness and she is also a close friend of my physical therapist, Sue. I guess what I'm saying is that I trust this person, I see how she interacts with her clients but I'm at the rehab unit she seems to be very very good. I even feel some pending excitement as I consider this move make my living environment more accessible. I am hoping for major recommendations on getting in the shower. I also hoping for recommendations on getting on and off the commode and maybe even getting in and out out of bed.I know these are the basics but these are the things I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. And I'm up for anything that will make this time of my life easier to deal with. The time is right, we are fortunate to have a few extra dollars that we can devote to our lives right now and why not spend some of that money before that money de-values any further. This is the time the time is now carpe diem!

Summer Night

Theres nothing better then to be out on my porch on summers night watching a storm blow by andlistening to the ripple the leaves to the trees. Its been hot all day and storms winds ar
e making life bareable

Do Something Today!

I think the biggest challenge I am experiencing in retirement is just to do something, anything. I'm so thankful I have kept working or rather volunteering at 211. Even the one day a week helps me structure my week so that I keep the feeling that I have something to do. I know this is somewhat oversimplified but I can see I don't have something pressing that I might just do nothing and pass away the whole day and this is unforgivable. A whole day is a gift beyond measure and I need to use each day I have as a gift. I find it amazing how Swift the day can go,in the blink of an eye the day can be gone.

I think I am finally coming to grips with the guilt I think I was experiencing without having to go to work every day. I have finally allowing myself the gift of sleeping in enough to shake off the “ drag of sleep” one gets when one does not get the proper amount of sleep. It is amazing how long one accepts a state of being in that state of being is exposed as being preventable. I think I am past that feeling of dragging through a day due to lack of sleep and it's great.I find it also amazing how easy it is to slip back in to that that mode of “ doing nothing” and just coasting through the day with nothing to show for how many hours of consciousness I experienced.

So now I'm trying to have some good hand, something to do for all my waking moments. A book to read whether it be electronic are hard copy. My sister dumped a box load of paperbacks this last family reunion. I am amazed at how many titles I find interesting were in this box. The box is a mini gold mine. I'm going to keep one title under my pillow on my bed to read before going to sleep each evening. But I'm also going to keep a number of books aside to have this and when the grid/Internet goes down. I sometimes worry about the titles on my E list and what I would do if the unthinkable happens and were thrown back to a non-electric time. I would have something to read therefore something to do. So now even if I am reading fiction I'm doing something that is all right by me. So do something, anything do something and still my days with action. I need to make marks on paper. Even if they're just scribbles I need to bring about Mark Art. I literally have pads and pads of blank art paper. I need to fill these up with Mark marks even if just squiggles. My time is limited and I need to make the most of the time I have left.

Do something, anything, I must write more leave evidence of my existence of the time I lived on this small dusty ball we call Earth. Do I sound desperate? I think I'm having withdrawal fromThe Grapes Of Wrath which I just finished it is amazing to be so affected by a piece of literature. The characters of this book had to keep doing something every minute just to exist in this piece about the American depression. The book truly ends weird and I'm still having to wrap my brain around the ending but I can see why the volume is an American classic. Read it if you have not read it before. I know this is odd ramblings, maybe Sunday ramblings I don't know all I know is do something today.

What Difference A Year Makes.

Yesterday was my weekly attempt at volunteerism at United Way 211 the last workstation I haven't before retirement. You remember I elected to continue answering the phones on Mondays as a volunteer. I must say this decision is one of the best I have made. This weekly sojourn back to the world of work is challenging, invigorating and most of all fun. I truly enjoy getting up on Monday mornings early getting dressed and heading out to catch my bus and train that takes me downtown. If I did not have this opportunity I'm not quite sure what I would've done.

So with just a little fanfare I went out of my way yesterday technology to my fellow workers at 211 that yesterday was my one year anniversary is coming to 211. Even though I was not truly employed by 211 or even the state for the full year my residency online I still count experience one whole year. I thought it was cute the way most people acknowledge the passing of a year. The staff of course seemed delighted that I had an anniversary of such magnitude. I mean what they say certain like smile and nod your head when a child says “ look I tied my shoes!”. Staff also indicated just how much they enjoyed having me around, I mean really what you say free labor and free labor as good and adorable as me? :-)

Still I went from a small four person shop, no one being less than four years old to a vibrant, exciting young population of employees all enamored in the flow of doing good. Fresh faces, wide smiles and can do personalities was almost too much for me to handle. It was such a rah rah mentality that I didn't think I would survive my first week but I did. I gave these guys the benefit of the doubt my doubt. Luckily I was insulated from white toothed curtain of United Way by 211 staff where I was billeted. To a certain degree 211 is almost as new United Way as I. 211 and the relationship to United Way is another story will explore at another time. Suffice to say I recognized staff 211 my fellow operators as real people dealing with real issues every day on the phone. 211 came over en masse from the food bank a very rough and tumble group in my estimation. I felt safe at 211.

United Way staff is huge I was overwhelmed with the shiny new faces scrubbed every morning and dying for a challenge. I was pressed with United Way organization and how organized the operation was if not a little chagrined at their focus on fundraising. Now mind you they have great focus on projects of doing good. They are major operation work as such and all workshop they really get their projects done and really raise lots of money. The. Professionals the kind were going places. United Way stop along the way of their corporate ladder climb. But I've got to know these guys over this last year and I can really say I love them all! That statement is korney as hell but really, this is how I feel. I have watched each one of these guys put in massive hours on their individual projects. They come early for meetings and stay late for their events. They all take their business of doing good personally and with vigor. I doubt I could ever fit in United Way employee not that I would ever want to, really but belonging to such a group seems like it might be fun. They'll never get closer than 211 and even in 211 I've always been just volunteer.

I love this year, the year went too fast, but at this point in my life everything is going way too fast.

Just Charge It!

Blog July 5, 2013 – – Friday

I use a power chair you all know that I by now been one of the major drawbacks of the power chair the chair's inability to maintain a charge in its batteries over an extended period of time. When I first started using the power chair most chairs and the chairs I used had onboard chargers. So if you're out cruising around and you noticed your chair was low on power you just find an outlet and plug in. But a few years ago I noticed that shares no longer have onboard chargers. You charge your chair overnight and hoped you would have enough power get through your daily needs. I have to admit this freaked me out. I don't know if it's because I'm a big guyor I just get lame batteries but I rarely get the length of charge I need to get through day. Now, in all honesty, I must admit my chair has never failed me. I've always been able to get where I needed to go and back again. True my red emergency light may have been flashing like crazy but I was stranded. Still though I felt I needed to be proactive and I started carrying a charger. If a person were to buy a new charger the cost would be spent but fortunately for me I am aware of a number of stockpiles of used chargers and I've been able to grab a couple can have them at places I frequent plus I carry smaller trickle charger in my backpack so I feel fairly secure.

The trickle charger is okay but it's very slow whereas the new industry chargers which come with the new power chair packs a very strong initial charge and then trickles towards the end of the charge cycle. A couple years ago I began thinking why not have a charger placed in essential areas where people who use our chairs my frequent I. E. Hospitals, markets, libraries,university campuses, state offices in so. Why not? Then when a chair would be running low on power consumer just plug in and be underway in 30 min. or so.

In my retirement life, a couple times a week I go to a rehab facility to work out. I travel by train and bus to get to my destination. I also spend a significant amount of time traveling on streets in my chair, significantly depleting my batteries. This was not a problem when my rehab facility was linked with the University medical center rehab department and there was always a charger there I could use,but when they moved a few months ago this is no longer the case. I now go to Out Patient rehab. I contacted the director of this program on my second or third visit to see what it would take for them to get the charger at the new facility. I figured he just deep-sixed the idea but surprised two days ago when I was working out and he approached me and told me he'd spoken with the medical director of outpatient rehab the the idea was great. I must admit I was shocked. I know this is going to be a long process, I know how bureaucracies operate but it sounds as if something is happening. They are talking about finding a universal charger which I don't think exists but if I gently prod them along maybe just maybe we can bring about change in charge.

Welcome Home Old Friend

I got the call late Tuesday afternoon. UCAT called advising me my power chair is finally repaired! Again, I allowed myself to experience controlled excitement but I was excited. Perhaps the A T conspiracy I have been experiencing the last couple weeks might be coming to an end. I could hope. It was almost 4 PM and Dianne I just returned from watching Asher. She was tired of volunteered to head right out and procure the repaired technology.

It was not long before Dianne returned and hurriedly unloaded the chair. It was good to see wheelchair. Even though I've had issues with this I've grown to appreciate the wheelchair's strengths and accept the wheelchairs weaknesses. The tilt mechanism was indeed prepared for which I'm immensely appreciative. Now let me say I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. UCAT is indeed a gift horse providing A T support and equipment in most cases at no cost. You might remember I initiated this project and trying to see how bad my control mechanism was malfunctioning. In the interim it was strongly suggested that UCAT might have controller which would interface with my power chair. This would be awesome. If I have to replace this controller the cost could will be in the thousands. So,we were extremely excited at the prospect of a new controller or at least controller which seems to work. It didn't happen there was no new controller and I believe I have accepted this , it is just a disappointment. So I'm going to live in the moment knowing where there is a stockpile of controllers which will meet my needs when the moment comes.

So yesterday I put the chair to the test and headed back to my Wellness program. Dianne drove me to the train station and I was on my way I felt great. I had forgotten to plug the chair in to charge overnight. Still I was at 98% charge. I even deviated from my path and grabbed a hamburger before my workout and I even stopped at the art store on the way home all on the short charge and I got back home at about 55% charge. I felt great, my butt felt great I was back in the game.

I cannot believe how good it felt to be back at Wellness. I don't know what has happened but I did the 30 min hand bike with almost ease. I also did rickshaw, and other exercise regimens with gusto. I really felt I was doing my body good. I actually wanted more but I was glad to work out and feel the good the work out is doing to my body.

Its the Fourth of July and we are toying going out and watch fireworks later on. I would actually rather just hang out at the house and watch the illegal fireworks that I know many of the neighbors will launch. But it might be fun to go down to Murray Park and watch the fireworks there. And either way I will be were I will be with rings on my fingers and bells on my toes in my repaired power chair ho ho ho.

Be in the Moment

I was fortunate, after posting my last blog, way back in June I was able to find a power chair at the Utah Independent Living Center which surprisingly has met a great deal of my transportation needs. I'm so thankful for the Center's A T loan program. The program has kept me going. Now, having said that I firmly believe I'm caught in a assistive technology conspiracy far greater than I can fathom.

The part came in for my broken manual wheelchair: Quickie 2. I was as ecstatic as  I should have been at delivery of the new wheelchair. We replaced the cross member and I seem to be back in action. I would be able to once again make transfers in and out of the bathroom safely and easily. I forced to use the new manual chair and I was able to limp by but trying to live in that chair is at best challenging. It was the second morning after receiving the repaired original quickie and I once again experienced a frame break! I cannot believe this two breaks on my frame. I felt defeated actually just for a moment, my great wife Dianne, talking through this minor setback. I felt all we needed to do was have the new break welded. When DD took the piece to a welder he said weld would not take on the metal the wheelchair is made of. He did further research and found the frame is under warranty and any welding on the frame would violate the warranty (we knew that)but I did not want to wait,I wanted to get my life back even a small part. However Diane thought it best we wait and we did. So, I've been using the new Quickie2 and it seems to be working. I'm doing better transferring and even though the back of the chair is a real pain to negotiate I've been doing fairly well. I must admit I do kind of like the chair in many respects but I still have major issues with transferring and once again Sunrise Medical airshiped the new piece to us. I figured what the hell just another week.

In the meantime I'd spoken with the boys at UCAT who indicated they had parts that work on my chair and could bring about a repair at no cost to me. This of course would be extraordinary if they can pull off so I figure what the heck let them have a shot at the repair. That was two weeks ago I'm still waiting and since UCAT is a state agency, and since they're doing the work essentially for free I got to go with their schedule. We stopped at I L on the way home and picked up the power chair I'm using now. Life goes on.

The end of last week the new part for the wheelchair arrived, this time controlled excitement. I was so impressed as Dianne dove into the project of replacing the part. She pulled the broken piece off wheelchair and replaced it with the new part. I am still impressed the project took less than an hour and on its completion we realized, of course, Sun Rise Medical had sent the wrong piece even though Dianne had done everything right given the correct part number, chair model etc. So more waiting. DD called Sunrise and found my chair is so old they don't make parts for that model any longer however they will manufacture a piece to make it fit. I am impressed totally impressed. So we wait and I continue to use the new chair which is quickly becoming my main chair. I'm fairly sure I will back to using the broken quickie 2 when the new part eventually arrives.

So my take on this whole experience is that there is a greater force out there who is teaching me to accept the world as it comes in be happy with what comes. I've been trying to manufacture reality I want and not necessarily the best reality for me. I am not one who has lived in the moment. My perceived life of poverty has taught me to live in the future when things will be better for the most part I've gotten away with this but this new life lesson is potent and I better learn fast because the next lesson is even too cataclysmic for me to ponder. Live in the moment, love in the moment and be happy.