. My life to
some degree has fallen into a routine that's good. I think right
after retirement I was floundering having too much time not knowing
what to do with this newfound time. I think I was wise by keeping
some contact with my previous life by volunteering at 21. That works
for one day a week. Then I strongly got into the Wellness program and
this is great. It fills a whole afternoon three days a week of going
down to rehab and working out. I believe I am now seeing good
results, positive results in my body and it myself in my mind. I'm
focused on working out and making my physical body better. I think
I've dropped some weight and and pumped up by attitude about myself.
I still felt myself sinking into a bit
of depression. I've had a couple moments of anxiety and general fear
of what I don't know, or I didn't know until one evening while lying
in bed was trying to figure out what was missing in my life. I
remembered earlier that day visiting with one of the folks I
associate with at United Way and telling him halfheartedly, jokingly
that I felt I One step ahead of the dark side by doing good works.
Now these good works don't have to be totally conscious. Just by my
work in the disabled field I was constantly doing good works whether
I want to or not, it was part of the job. When I'm lucky enough to be
exposed to this group of people in desperate need of information to
their problems with disability I often go beyond just the basics of
their question and give them much more information, ideas and
possibilities that they might consider when coming to grips with the
life of disability. I realize without my work I don't have that easy
access to people in need and I think that has had an impact on my
life. I believe the person needs to be doing good, to be helping out
their fellow being. I found doing so when doing good is not part of
your job cabby quite challenging. I also noticed that many times
during the day I am given opportunities to act out and I fail to act
on those opportunities. How stupid am I? Twice yesterday for example,
I was on the tarmac and people, homeless, possibly, folk asked me for
money. Now, I used to carry two or three dollars that I could have
one of these people and be on my way. I had the money but when they
came up to me I turned cold and either just rolled past are made some
comment like” not today”. So this is not me, or is it? I need to
get back to not questioning why this person is asking me for money
and just give and be done with it. Am I that shallow that I cannot do
this. My day is not so busy that I can't pass up my fellow man as I
have been doing. I believe myself is telling me” slow down” and
help do your part, share your blessings. This is easy, you just have
to give part of yourself to somebody else. I must confess I've been
neglecting my neighbor, an ancient who does not have much time left
on this planet. I can only visit with this person and good weather
since their steps to his home and I cannot enter without lots of
help. I used to go over to his house every day and visit sometimes
for a few minutes sometimes for a couple hours but I did it and I
don't do it now. Now, I must force myself to do this and make time to
do this – – where's my spontaneity?
There it is, on this last day of July
2013. I am going to try to recalibrate myself to be a better person
spend less time on the computer, in the Internet and focus on my
fellow man and hopefully feeling better about myself.
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