Resistance!

 I could have sworn that may had just 30 days. Imagine my somewhat relief and our Chagrin when I found that today was the 31st of May. I can let the writing of the kid letters go one more day but really I'm glad I got them done and out the door that just means the recipients will be getting them very early in the month and that's okay by me it shows that I care. The latest book that I got from my friend Dennis D. from my old days was the latest Stephen King! That is so cool to have somebody to care about you so much they'll give you a brand new addition of whatever it is that you really enjoy. This volume is a collection of a short stories and timely as it was I happen to hear a NPR interview with Stephen King earlier last week which was really interesting because they talked about he's cleaning up the odds and ends of his riding life and a lot of these stories were ones that he had either thought of or wrote years ago and have never seen the light of day in that time but now as he cleans out his drawers and his other items of storage he's running across some of these ideas and writings and just enough for this last batch. I just finished the biggest of the longest short story in the bench something over 50 pages and was pretty good not one of his best but interesting/entertaining and that's what I want at least something entertaining that I might enjoy during the sun failed days of summer. I started the next story and I can tell it's going to go fast so I think this volume is going to last me not very long and I need to start hustling to make sure I have another in time for the next holiday which I plan to have this done by and hopefully another one to start. How decadent is this wanting to have backup books so when you get done with the current volume you have somewhere to go to the next immediately? I spent two or three hours outside sitting in the sun today trying to read and I got some reading accomplished but I also got some nice sunshine the only drawback was the day could have been warmer and less Breezy. I think it was only in the old 70s today like I said it was good/okay but it could have been better but I'm not going to complain everyday is a gift especially at this point in my life.

I don't know if it is the fact that I've seen the park butchers topple over so many trees that now I'm getting somewhat desensitized to the whole concept and getting used to see great Hulks of trees, trunks shredded and limbs Helter Skelter being eaten by giant bulldozers and other machinery with grabbing and chewing devices it seems going after the remnants of the trees out of Fallen and every once in a while push it over another just for the fun of it. I rolled around the perimeter of the park this evening and like I said perhaps I getting used to the whole idea but it didn't seem so bad this evening even though I could see now who are many of the trees have been taken out and are still in the process of being liquidated. A side from having too many sports type venues they're going to put in basketball hoops, Maybe the rebuild will not be so bad and maybe it will look good and maybe it'll be usable. I'll be interested in somewhat excited to bring an end to this reconstruction- - maybe it's just the fact that I'm old and that resistant to change…×

Park destruction

 When I travel to bed late last night probably around 11: 25 p.m. I realized I forgot to plug my power chair into it it's charger and that I would be at a limited ability to range today if I needed to. It wasn't that I was really too tired to get up again into my chair it was a bit spooked because I did not want to try to transfer then all the sudden not be able to and find myself hung up on the bed or my chair or Worse on the floor and probably have to have the fireman people come and get me back into bed. So I figured that today was Wednesday I did not have anything outside of the apartment to do and I really need to stay inside the apartment and finish up the kid letters for the month. Of course today is a bathing day which means I have to wait till Melissa gets here so I can get on with my day and of course she had a flat tire and was late very late usually get here around 8:30 a.m. today she did not get here till about 11:30 a.m. so essentially I lost a lot of time. I did finish printing the letters however and finally got them out into the mail. What was really fascinating in depressing, however, was that sometime this morning maybe early afternoon I kept hearing the beep beep beep of a warnings horn of a machinery put it backs up. Finally when I hooked up to my arm bike and was looking out the window I noticed major machines across from my window in the park moving back like iron dinosaurs.

Finishing my bike pump I rolled out to the corner of the park adjacent to our building and saw that everything was chain linked off and that there were a number of vehicles, work machines, literally ripping trees, mature beautiful trees out of the ground and being bulldozed over. Couple of the buildings have been destroyed but essentially the whole park has been shut down. I was not aware but I guess it would have been planned for some time that the park has been redesigned and the major destruction going on is to bring about a better Park- - which I doubt very seriously will happen. Maybe I'm just an old fart cantankerous and not liking change but I recoiled as they ripped the tree that I've watched for The Last 5 Years grow which is directly across from my apartment Window I often referred to as my tree and I still do even though it's nothing more now than a clump of shattered limbs and trunk and leaves. This is a major piece of work I do not know how long it will take to finish this project they've got themselves into I don't know if it'll be a year project or just over the summer but I think it's going to be a long time all things considered even longer for my heart to heal for the dozens of trees which have been destroyed… 

3.3 Miles

 My odometer says I've done about 3 Mi today 3.3 MI which doesn't sound like a lot but when you're sitting in this chair it is quite a bit. A physical workout that really has me flexing my arms and back muscles that I have to keep myself in the chair. Luckily I have a good safety belt system that keeps me secured and relatively safe. I really go very farther this morning just up the street a little bit too a bunch of shops that are pretty much Hispanic in general I didn't really purchase anything and I had lunch at Wendy's which is just across the street at the shopping center at Macy's and that little section there. Then back to the apartment. It's hard to believe that that was 3 miles but I guess it was the odometer does not lie.

I don't know why the turmoil and Trauma happening at the Independent Living Center is affecting me the way that it does but it is. Last night I laid in bed for a while fretting about if there's any way I can help the center but I don't think they want my help. I got a memo today from not only Kim but Jan Bigelow who I'm sure are two people that are staying on to try to make sure the center doesn't completely go away. They are totally downsizing however and I'm sure it's a skeleton staff similar to the staff that we had when I came on board back in 84 there was just a handful of us not more than seven I don't think and I think that's the way that it's supposed to be. I think they got head over heels and services that they shouldn't be doing and lost focus of what they should have been doing which was to affect change on so many levels as opposed to client services. Client services are out there through other organizations that I think are just as effective if not more so than the independent living centers. There is certainly a lot of ringing of hands and National teeth however and support from all over the community. I haven't talked with my friend Kim likely who is now the interim director and not that he would really tell me anything if I asked him and I don't think that he probably should this is in the house junk that needs to stay in house except for the folks who really want to delve into it that really doesn't need to be delved into. I think the biggest event that I did today was when I came home and after I finished working out on my own bike I cook dinner I had the steak which I had thought out two days ago sitting in the refrigerator needs to be cooked it was one of the ones I sent away for and that meat program Ohio meats are Nebraska meats or Oklahoma meats or something like that they send you a box of meats that he's put in your freezer and use them as you want to chicken beef some pork. Also I needed I wanted to cook the pork chops I picked up this weekend at the market and didn't want them to sit anymore in the refrigerator and I certainly didn't want to freeze them so I cooked those tonight too and ate the steak for dinner with the potatoes that Marcia gave me it was a pretty good dinner but I should have had something green however. I just didn't have a way to keep it green or after like spinach or the beans. I'll just have to keep drinking or eating the concoction that I have green beans in and count that as my green for the day. This late again I must get ready for bed.

Writers Guild lunch

 

I should have been more productive today. I should have finished the letters and got them ready for mailing on the 1st. I still have time to get the other letters written I've gotten three done now I just have three more to go. Envelopes are already printed so that's done I just have to stamp and get him in the mail by Friday. I mean it's not the end of the world if they don't get them in the first week of the month but it's a stipulation I like to put on myself keeps me focused kind of. However today was a meeting of the Writers Guild, three people who have had this loose relationship for 3 decades about writing. To be honest this last decade's been a little week. I have been the least productive of the three. One's a professional writer so he's always riding the other is a writing teacher and she's almost always writing and me I'm just the wannabe writer without the gumption to put in the time that it takes to be a good writer. 

I think I could have been a good writer had I learned a good writing ethic and picked up some good writing skills. I pretty much relied on the school educational system and that's not the way blame on Academia it's still my own fault but I didn't take the energy that it needs are that a writer needs to be successful. I think more than anything I had this image of what I wish that I was but didn't have the path on how to really get there. I could also be just an old man make an excuses. But we met once more at the little restaurant not far from my place. I don't know if it's just me but I sense an interest waning as far as writing goes. Perhaps we should be more honest and say we are friends who just like to get together and have lunch and talk about anything that's somewhat important in our minds. We tried to make it about writing in fact my good friend, the professional writer, brought gifts as he often does. He brought books, children's books one for Lori and one for me. I had a donkey on mine he knows I've been into donkeys for some time. How nice. I wish I had something or we had something to give him on a regular basis but he's the writer who's got everything but he's getting tired too yet he's still likes to write. Anyway, like I said and I got carried away, there was a time when writing really was important to me and I could pull words out of The Ether to do poetry or a short story or two but mainly poetry. Had I had better mechanics I think riding Pros would have been much more exciting. Anyway that time's passed now writing is a drudgery that I have to force myself to do. This blog many times has been somewhat forced I'm sure the the sensitive reader will have since that. However the last couple months though I've really gotten into the blog and it hasn't been such a difficult experience to do my 500 Words. If I were committed to larger amounts of words then it would become more of a challenge. But at least I'm now in the habit of writing every night or day if nothing more than the blog. What I really need to do is get back into donkeys I do like doing donkeys. There's always a place for donkeys….

Memorial Day and my door

 Memorial day. I should really celebrate this holiday more than I do. I don't really have any did soldiers to go decorate Graves and all that kind of stuff. And I cannot get to anywhere that I have people buried in the area here particularly down to Santaquin to where the folks are. I couldn't even get to the graveyard where my neighbor is buried. The buses didn't run today of course it's always hard to tell some holidays they run some they don't this is one of the big ones I guess and so not today. I guess to reinforce the comment that I couldn't get even over to Murray to Al's grave had I wanted to. I mean chances are I wouldn't even have gone had I had adequate transportation. Maybe I would have gone South and spend some time trying to find Sheila's grave but I don't know. I spent the morning with my granddaughter and her boyfriend who I think will be ended up coming my grandson to in-law at some point. The two came over to help are to basically do my front door as we had talked about. The balloons that had been on the door to celebrate my birthday which later we do faces on now are ice cream cones with faces on them. I don't know if we'll keep them on there come fall but we talked about maybe towards the end of summer or early September start putting together the Autumn door. Maybe trees losing their leaves kids going back to school who knows? Certainly allows me to feel a little more in around my neighbors really go out of their way to do their doors. It was great working with the kids and I appreciate them taking the interest in me as always..

I woke up this morning feeling pretty decent actually had gotten some pretty deep sleep I reckon during the night. I was kind of excited because Melissa said she was coming around 6:00 a.m. which would give me a big start on the day of course this was immediately thwarted when I'm trying to transfer into my chair from the bed I didn't fall but my legs got out from underneath me and made it so I couldn't finish the transfer and my legs caught on the bed so I couldn't really get back into bed. I was about 3/4 on the bed but I couldn't disengage my foot from the chair- - if I did or could have I could have redone the transfer and didn't write I'm sure. I immediately texted Melissa who I don't think was awake and the 6:00 a.m. process didn't really start till 7:30 a.m. and I was glad that I was at least halfway in and out of bed I spent time on my cell phone just going different places on the internet and hanging out as best as I could. Like I said it wasn't painful but really is getting kind of spooky when I think about having to transfer now and don't know what I'm going to do as I continue to age and not being able to transfer at some point I've got to make that dreaded decision or going into some form of long-term care. At this point in time Melissa is great to have around she may not be there immediately but she eventually does come and she does not complain. I really pay your more than 10 bucks when she comes on the day she's not scheduled to help me in some kind of emergency. I know it's not realistic to think that she's going to be around for like ever I don't know what will happen if she leaves I'll just have to take each day at a time and try to be totally focused on my transfers it's spooky though

Springs sunshine

 Today started out cool but with the high pressure system that's building in it's got to be a lot warmer and enjoyable to be out in though I have not really spent a good deal of time outside in the elements after returning home from breakfast with Marc Anthony. We had a pretty good breakfast discussion and I think enjoyed each other's company. The kids were involved in other things today so they didn't join us however Jasmine is indicated they will probably come over tomorrow and help decorate my front door. They're going to do it on Saturday but we didn't make connections. I know it's kind of weird me decorated my front door but I sort of feel pressed into the situation since all my neighbors have these stunning wonderful art pieces on their front door. I really not thought much about it until this last year and I'm sort of getting into the door decoration group now. I must admit having a granddaughter willing to work with me on making my door different certainly adds some dedication to the project. We had or should I say have balloon heads on the door made out of the balloons that Jasmine put on a couple months ago. I think now I will make or have Jasmine make like ice cream cones that will go under the balloon heads down and I'll be able to keep them up for maybe all the summer unless I get excited about some other thing to put on the door. I'm kind of holding out to find some sort of Marvel Universe door decoration kit. I know they have something like that but I just haven't really looked into that that much.

Have not been much over to the park this spring season yet. I've gone through it a couple times just to get to somewhere else but now that the good weather has started I need to get over there and spend some real quality time among the trees in the grass. Of course the skateboarding rats will come out of the woodwork now and already I hear them skating night very late like early morning hours when the place is supposed to be closed down at 10:00 p.m. I could be the classical old fart and gripe and moan and grouse about the whole situation but must remember I was once Young and love being out in the Darkness running around and having a good time. Sometimes I'd like to think back on those days of hot summer days bleeding into the night, some days it was so hot that the tar on the road was soft enough that your feet kind of squeezed are sunk into the warm tar walking about during the night. In the summer during the day the black surface is almost too hot to walk on so even late at night the asphalt holds its heat and makes walking Pleasant. I'm sure if I had had a skateboard or skateboard park I would have found somewhere to skate in the Darkness…

Tooth trauma recovery

 You know the doc and that document they sent home with you in the little plastic pouch that gives you instructions on how to deal with the sutures inside your mouth all say not to play with or bother the stitches as I going through the healing process but I don't know how you cannot do that when you run your tongue across that many stitches it's just a more maturity if you ask me. I read the directions last night late and again this morning I'm doing everything probably wrong at least I'm not sucking on a straw but I'm a little worried that I didn't stick another wad of cotton up there in the socket. I just came home and started eating everything I get my hands on it seemed like mainly the old Pizza that I had the night before the leftovers chewing everything on the opposite side of the mouth but that piece of gauze/cot and whatever that is got totally soaked so I just spit it out and didn't put another one in didn't taste any blood so I didn't think it was bleeding anymore so I figured I'm okay now I don't know. I didn't put any ice on the wound but I didn't think it was too swollen either. I pretty much gone ahead as normal except for I have taken a couple of the ibuprofens the heavy duties things even though I haven't needed them I feel like I should take them just in case. I don't think I'll take one tonight if I do need to ibuprofen I've got just the regulars at my bedside where I usually keep them. I don't think the stitches are the wound kept me up last night I did have a bit of a difficult time going to sleep more difficult than usual but I think that was more the covers in the sheets then it was my mouth trauma but I could be wrong this morning I woke up around 3:30 and not didn't really get back to sleep. We are supposed to go to coffee and then I remembered at the last moment this guy who has the coffee shop across the street closes every 3-day holiday he can kind of drives me crazy when he closes on a Saturday even though the holidays on Monday. Anyway I was sort of hesitant to go out anyway because major storm was forecast. Janet wanted to go to coffee anyway but I don't think she really pays much attention to news and weather and stuff so she didn't hear anything of the torrential weather was supposed to be and of course it didn't happen we could have done the coffee and come back in time for what little bit of rain we got happened much later in the afternoon.

I'm trusting that my wound is healing and tomorrow will be better than today. I've been in contact with Marc Anthony and we're scheduled to go to breakfast in the morning which should be okay. Maybe I'll just have oatmeal. Sadly as I read my emails today I had a message from my granddaughter who wanted to come over and work on my door well that didn't happen cuz I didn't read my email till later on much later on in the day. For some reason my notification is off on my cell phone again. I hate that. Not hearing the alarm that I have a phone call and not being able to read my phone messages just about drives me crazy if I let it…

Gone tooth gone

S it's not as if I was dreading this day but in truth, I was not looking forward to it either except for to get it out of the way so I can get on with my life and hopefully this summer at some point will finally start. I passed a pretty good evening again quite surprisingly and so thankful that Melissa came by helped me with my bowel movement things could have been so much worse. So today I felt comfortable that I would not have any issues or problems while in the dentist's chair. As I indicated I slept pretty well waking up around 6:00 a.m. and Melissa showed up about 20 minutes later and got me totally done before the time I had to be across the street getting ready for the dentist ordeal. I even had pizza for breakfast, the cold pizza from yesterday. It was the last meal for the tooth that's to be extracted today. I'm not sure how eating will go after all said and done this afternoon or this morning.

I was about 20 minutes early but the people took me right in and soon got me going with the positioning of the chair just the right way and getting me started on the nitric oxide. Feeling like I say one of the things I do look forward to is an hour or so under as much laughing gas as I can ingest. Everybody was in a good mood of course because not only I was there but it's also Friday and the holiday weekend on top of that but like one of the folks told me since they're always off on Monday anyway it's not that big a deal for them but still a holidays a holiday y'all know how I feel about that. I don't know if time slowed down while waiting for the ordeal to start but it seemed to me but one of the best things I enjoy about going under is all the thoughts that I have listening to the good old rock and roll music the dentist always has playing in the background. It's good '60s music always takes me back almost instantly but eventually he did put the dead thing into my mouth and after waiting a proper amount of time started the ordeal. Once we got into the process it seemed to go relatively quickly. There is a bit of a hassle I guess getting to what was left of the tooth and getting a good grip on the piece. He yanked and he yanked and finally sort of either a pop or a crash the piece let go from the job and the major tooth was gone except for what lives left over which was quite a bit seem like a lot of digging went on in order to free the roots and the other systems of the tooth. Suturing of course followed then some counseling on how to deal with the process of healing the tooth. I got three prescriptions for this ordeal and the next appointment is the latter part of June. I'll be getting the process of growing the stuff that the new tooth going to go into. The dentist put the new tooth stuff I guess which will grow around the new tooth they put in in a couple months I guess. But in 3 weeks I will have the stitches removed and I think then a couple of months they'll do actually do the the new tooth embedding we should give me an artificial grinder just kind of interesting I'll be interested to see how well it works. They gave me a prescription for 800 mg of not a painkiller but ibuprofen. I didn't necessarily want it but I thought well maybe I will take it just so I'll have backup. It's been quite a while now almost 12 hours since the ordeal maybe more I've taken one ibuprofen that's all that was right after I got home and I don't feel too bad it's not too bad I finished the rest of the pizza chewing on the other side of the mouth plus I had my concoction as well as cottage cheese for dinner they have all the stitches and stuff Exposed on the other side but I'll try to keep everything away from it. I think I'll take another Ibuprofen before I go to bed and the more antibiotic just to be sure if I can get it open. Spent the evening watching Marvel no better way..

Making the switch

 I'm sitting here waiting for my caretaker/person to drop by and help me transfer from my backup chair to my main chair which came back for the shop this afternoon! I thought they were going to do a lot more to it than they did but that's okay they switched out the padding on my football and gave me a new armrest which I doubt it's going to last very long they never do. I think this is the way the wheelchair company scams/ skibs money off of the top of the insurance providers. Anyway, if my caretaker does not show up tonight I'll have to wait till probably Friday morning to make the transfer. It's almost frustrating but I have faith that my personal show up I know she's busy she's got to the clients plus her family to deal with. This is a done scheduled event so it's catch can and I appreciate her coming all the way over to do the switch out. It will require getting me slinged up raising me up transferring to cushion from this chair into the original chair. It's not necessarily difficult it's just a bit time-consuming especially if you've already worked a long day which Melissa has. I'm excited about getting back into my regular chair at least one that I trust. The backup chair I mean now I just don't know how far I would trust the chair to go if I had to go ranging off of the premises. I know I'm okay around here and all the driving I've done around the building today the indicator still shows 93% of the battery is available. I know in the past when I thought that I had a lot that this number goes down quite quickly. I'm sure I could get over to the market and back if I had to I really would feel queasy tried to go any further than that. Like if I had to go to the bank to cash a check I got in the mail today I would have to get on the bus then transfer onto another bus that would take me to the bank then back again. Actually I'm sure I could do it because really in reality I've only transferring or driving a couple of feet from the back of my gate to the bus stop and then from the bus stop by the bank 20 or 30 yards from the bus stop to the bank and Back Again so it's not really that far but enough of a risk that I didn't really consider. Besides my other quasi cleaning person needed quarters today so I need to stick around the apartment in case she dropped by so I can give her a roll of quarters and she would give me some cleaning in the kitchen. So, I enjoyed just hanging around the apartment waiting for whoever and whatever to show up. I'm looking forward to being back in my regular chair especially getting up in the morning with a decent foot box that I know will contain my feet- however I must admit this morning's transfer was pretty good and uneventful. Those are the best….

Talking Tuesday

 Actually I was able to sleep in fairly well even waking up in the middle of the night to have to pee. But I got up made the transfer and got dressed all in time to catch the bus into the city for my assist meeting. It should have been a quick meeting we only had 11 names to process but the two other volunteers were there and they tend to Yammer quite a bit. I get a little spoiled when it's just me and the boss guy but we can do the names sign off and go on to the next name get the whole shooting match done. But with Robin and Caroline things can get bogged down really quickly. I made it through however and was relatively nice about the whole thing. I think I ingested way too much food today, of course I stopped off at Taco time just because it's across the street from the bank after I got quarters. I never know when folks are going to need quarters. After a relatively quick lunch I came straight home and basically hung out for the rest of the afternoon. I was kind of tired a lot today even though I got probably more sleep than I usually do. Actually the big event for the day was IHC coming to get my chair for the repairs. I charged the chair all day a couple days ago so I know it had a full charge that's the backup chair. Before they came however I got a hold of Melissa and we were able to switch chairs. It's going to be a challenge the next couple days from the transfers over to the chair itself and sitting on this cushion which doesn't do me a whole lot of good. I just totally hope that they will be able to get this done tomorrow and I'll have the chair by the time I have to go to the dentist on Friday morning. I have two days that should be enough time 2 days and two bowel movements. I got carried away with this chair and not being comfortable therefore I didn't get my 60 Minutes on the arm machine today and I feel really embarrassed about that. I managed to watch 3/4 of an Iron Man 3 and I just have enough time now to finish this posting do my journal and then get ready for bed. Luckily I don't have a lot of places to go in the next couple of days basically here at the facility. Coffee on Thursday and that's about it then I have the extraction on Friday morning and that'll do it for this week so even though it's Tuesday night I'm beginning to feel like it's another week gone- - which I guess it is

Marvelous Monday

 And just like that we're in the last 10 days of the month unbelievable. The day was overcast and quite cool compared to the rest of the month looks like we're going to be in for the number of cool to cold days before things start warming up again next week but that's just bringing Utah I'm used to it and it's okay by me. I've been sticking close by the apartments for the last couple of weeks just until this weather settles a little bit I don't want to get caught in Rain bursts. There is one today, luckily I was here at the apartment, it was great just to watch the rain fall outside my door. Aside from that I have the usual stresses but one more is that management here are the apartment complex is threatened to do some inspecting. I'm not too concerned or maybe I should be cuz my place is a pretty big mess right now. My caregiver Melissa works for a number of other people in the building here and they're all quite concerned about this building inspection or apartment inspection coming up. I think I might sweep up a little bit maybe even coerce Melissa and the mopping she's been doing a great job lately. It's just some things happening right now that got me a little bit spooked one of them is I'm giving up my chair tomorrow to have it taken into the shop for some repairs I'm not sure how it's going to be like when it gets back but that's then the now is that I don't know how I'm going to be able to deal with the other backup chair that I've got. It's very similar to this chair except that it doesn't have the elevator function which I use a lot but I can for go for 24 to 48 hours if I have to. The biggest concern is that the foot box is much smaller than the foot box I've gone to use on the big chair. It really does keep my feet in the Box I will just have to be careful with the other foot box of my backup chair make sure my feet stay on as much as they can till I can get them squared away and get myself secured in the chair. Jeannie who lives upstairs and is relatively new to this property actually has a chair just like the chairman right now elevator function and everything except for it doesn't have a foot box. I might ask the boys at the shop if they'll save this box and then I can either put it on the backup chair I've got now which has a small foot box r think about getting Jenny's chair and put in the foot box on it and so I would have a backup on it either way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not too focused on the what ifs and don't end up living my life as much as I should. Anyway that's enough for tonight I want to get some rest in before I have to travel tomorrow to assist in downtown Salt Lake

Rescue Me

 I don't know if I've ever told you guys or not but I live at the end of a hall of apartments. The door that leads to the outside is just on the other side of my door to my apartment. The doorway leads to the parking area as well as two giant dumpsters that everyone has to come down to throw the garbage away at some time during the week. The doors, there are two in succession, are electric and one has a key code on it that has to be actuated for it to open the door that leads into the building proper. They're magnetic locks so they make a big clunk when they're actuated. I think a lot of people hate this apartment and the one just across the hall from me because we're right there and we hear everything that goes on as far as entering and leaving the building when those doors crunk open. The door clunking is kind of fascinating because it goes on all night long and I can't figure that one out. I think right after 9:00 that's what I really kind of start paying attention to the doors. I think people are fastly taking care of business and going in and out as well as the car drivers who parked there and have to troop up to the elevator at the front of the building if they choose not to use the stairs off to the side of the hallway just as you enter in this building there's a locked door that leads people to walk up if that's what they want to do and not go all the way down to the front to access the elevator. The best part about this particular phenomenon is that the more you're exposed to it the less sensitive you get to the constant clunking of the doors while you're conscious. I don't even hear them while I sleep of course. The doors never keep me awake but always keep me in wonder as to who they are and what they're doing going in and out at 3:00 in the morning. What I like best about all this commotion is the fact that if I'm ever feeling a little Skitty sure spooked or whatever I rely on listening to the coming and goings to let me know that there are those that are still up and about in the building who could possibly help me if I really needed assistance- - if they could hear me. I don't know if I ever would be able to get someone's attention but I like to think that I could and that also makes me feel secure. I don't lock my door for a number of reasons the biggest is I'm always terrorized that I will lose my keys and therefore not be able to get into my apartment if I'm by myself and I want to get into the apartment. But probably most important is hoping that somebody walking past, when I need help, well first hear me and second open the door and come to the rescue…

Traffic jam

 

It's kind of interesting as more and more of the consumers here at the apartment complex are able to acquire mobile devices, scooters, power chairs and the like that suddenly there's no room in their apartment for these devices. This is never really been a problem before I'm not sure exactly why. I have heard about folks who have started leaving their equipment outside but management sort of got on their case really quickly and that ended but now that doesn't seem to be the case. I assume something will happen in the near future just because it really seems to be getting out of hand at least by my end of the hallway outside my door. I mean I have two power devices so I know how much room these things will take up in your apartment but that's something I'm willing to sacrifice to have the backup I might need at any given time if my regular chair gives out or like this week coming up I have to send my main chair into the shop for repairs I can use my backup chair- - even though I don't want to it's the only thing I have and I can pull it out power it up and use it for the day and a half that I might have to be without my regular chair. I know other folks have a lot more stuff in their apartment than I do in mine and I think I have a lot of stuff in mind but compared to what these guys have I guess there's really no comparison. I still think however we're really getting into a choke situation at the end of the hall I don't know how many of us going to take care of it. What are the chairs belongs to the lady upstairs who seems to have a lot of connections and I'm surprised that she's let this chair hang out here as long as he has since the person she was trying to sell it to pretty much indicated she didn't want it. I'm sort of interested in because it's almost exactly like the chair that I have now even with the elevator capability that would be a good backup chair I don't know if it would fit me it seems like it would but my eyes aren't very good as far as trying to adjudicate things off it into or not. I can still get around and I'm not above pushing one of the chairs out of the way so I can get in and out of my apartment if I need to be. I think all the folks who have their equipment out in the hallway seem to be cognizant of what they're doing and how it might affect the neighbors they're pretty easy going and will do anything after them so I don't think it'll be a problem in the long run. But I do know at times management gets pretty sensitive on this kind of stuff.

It was a beautiful day pretty warm not in the '80s or anything like that but in the mid 70s it was comfortable for me. I actually went to the market and hung out a little bit. I read out back as always and did some visiting over at the coffee shop this morning with one of my friends here at the facility. So what's a pretty good day. I'm kind of bummed just because the weatherman's been talking about a cold front moving in and moving all the temperatures back to the 60s for a little bit but I guess you got to take the cold with the warm, it'll be an interesting week..

Night trauma

 Remember last night how I was going on and on about the gurgling and general stomach Rumblings I was experiencing? Well sadly around 11:30 as I was getting ready for bed I realized that I had dumped a load into my shorts that I didn't even realize I had done. And I guess they were so sealed in my shorts that I didn't get older or anything until I raised up to get my pants off and realized I had a load sitting there. Fortunately and I don't know how I did this but I was able to extricate my legs from the shorts without making a giant mess. Unbeknown to me however there is still quite a mess in the seat of my chair that I used the shirt I'd been wearing to stuff underneath me to try to stop up as much as I could which I did and then use my cheap Chucks are linensavers to basically wrap myself up so I wouldn't do damage to the rest of the bed and was able to sleep through the night actually until Melissa got here this morning around 6:35 a.m. Melissa is a great job of cleaning things up totally worth whatever I pay her and the candy bars that I buy for her everyday she's here. Posing out the clothes and the cushion on my power chair and then showering me got me ready for a new day. I felt kind of weak all day and a little leery of getting too far away from the apartment complex. So I spent a good deal of time out as always reading in the back parking lot one of my favorite spaces. I don't know if I'm being paranoid but almost feels like my stomachs begin to rumble again. I've had yogurt and cottage cheese and a lot of other stuff that's relatively soft and good for your stomach my stomach but I don't know where my stomach is at right now. I'm hoping I'll go to sleep sleep through the night and be okay tomorrow but we'll have to see. I'm still pleased at how well I was able to mitigate the issues presented me last night as I was going to bed.

I'm totally surprised at how well I've adjusted to the whole concept of pooping your pants not being the end of the world as I had labored under I'll bet you 45 years of my disability. Always thought that was the worst thing in the world that could happen not really putting into perspective that it happens to everybody disabled and non-disabled. As I outlined last night there was a time when this was not an issue and I could actually lift myself on and off the toilet and not worry about worst case scenario options like what happened last night. Now, with my caretaker that I have who is worth a bunch Plus one or two other caretakers that I've had in the past who have expressed support should I need them in a case like this I don't feel nearly as conflicted. I know that if something should happen even the worst case they would come over and take care of whatever I need it and get me back into life one way or the other. Life does not stop with a bowel movement

Frustration

I think one of the worst parts about disability is losing one's Independence. I think I've stated the number of times in this document that I was totally independent as an adolescent before the wreck that made me a quadriplegic. And afterwards I got around that whole concept of dependency at least I conned myself into believing I was probably more independent than I was but I still did a lot of stuff by myself after the first couple years of the disability coming back home living at home and going to school again as a person with a significant disability. But nothing stopped to me I eventually got to be able to dress myself again bathe myself toilet myself and basically push myself to do things that other quads couldn't do even though it's only a partial quad. Now that I've had my, what I call second disability, and that's the stenosis I had a couple years ago which took basically took away my right side more or less- that's the way I should not complain because I still have quite a bit of ability on my right side but not like I had before. I can't get on and off the toilet by myself nor can I get in and out of the shower by myself which I could all do before the stenosis. Tonight is one of those nights I wish I could throw myself back on the toilet like I used to take care of my business and get on with my life. My stomach's gurgling tonight which might be air / gas or it might be a wet runny one. I don't know why tonight would be the date for unexpected bowel movement like certainly feel it and if I had my arms back I could do just that I could transfer onto the toilet dump my load and get back into doing what I need to do- - just like a normal person but now I'm a quadriplegic for sure. I texted my main caregiver that I'm having gurgling sounds you might not make it through the night. However, tomorrow is her early day that means she shows up around 6:30 a.m. hopefully and if I am a mess we can clean it up early me along with it and then I hopefully will be good to go for the weekend. I am fortunate that I have Melissa who does like me a lot and will really drop a lot of stuff to give me support. All I need to call her day or night if she's needed and she usually gets here relatively soon, usually. That's okay the service provider that I use who basically hires Melissa doesn't have any kind of a backup system for when you have emergency poop outs so I don't feel bad Contracting with the girl on our own time and paying her direct. Now totally appreciated her being able to focus on my well-being trying to be as independent as possible. It could be a long night but I plan to double up on my checks and pull out one of the giant diapers that I have access to and hopefully that might mitigate the issues if anything does happen it's all quite frustrating…

Wednesday words

 I did some serious cooking tonight more so than usual. I made one of my favorite dishes which I call garbrock. I think we've talked about it before on this blog essentially it's fried tater tots sauteed in lots of garlic, onions celery and whatever else I can think the throw in there. I saw today those vegetables up then add the tater tots Frozen. I've had these tots for about 3 months now lurking in my freezer. I also throw in garlic powder if I have it of course liberal shakes of pepper and salt from time to time but essentially I think there's probably enough sodium in a lot of the ingredients that I don't really need to. I also throw in Hefty doses of cottage cheese and if I have it sour cream. I bought a container of sour cream I know last week and I put it in the refrigerator but I couldn't find it tonight to save my life so I didn't have it at least with the sour cream. Towards the end I threw in a couple eggs and some slices of cheddar cheese which I had kicking around along with the broccoli and the onions and then just let it cook for a while on low covered letting the flavors milled. I'm going to put the remainder of the dish in the refrigerator now that I'll be able to eat for the next couple of days. This morning I finished the last of the sloppy joes I made on Friday. I really like the sloppy joes particularly once they get to be drying out in the refrigerator. I usually cover them when they're in the dish but but today I didn't or this week I didn't. I just let the the burgers dry out and eat them cold usually in the morning in lieu of breakfast. I was kind of surprised because the tater tots didn't make as much garbrock as I would have liked it's not going to last me too long I can tell that now. While I was digging out the tater tots I found a pound of hamburger behind the tots that's been in there for some time I should use it up. I can make another batch of sloppy joe or I could do one of two things I could make meatloaf patties which I do really kind of like takes me back to a dish by mom used to make during the week when she didn't have time to put together a full meatloaf. Should just make the meatloaf material then Friday them and patties which I thought were great. But I'm thinking that I'll use the hamburger and make a big pot of spaghetti. I bought a couple cans of tomato sauce the other day and that might be sort of fun I don't have much in the way of real garlic and let anymore. I pretty much used it all in the dinner tonight so I'll have to do a run to the market for some real garlic. I do have a lot of garlic powder and ground garlic in the refrigerator - - does garlic go bad after a while? I don't think so I mean it's bad to start with isn't it? Anyway now I just have to put the rest of the dinner away and maybe sweep the floor before I go to bed. Tomorrow of course is coffee group so I could save the sweeping of the floor until tomorrow. I would like to go to bed a little bit early since I woke up this morning around 4:30 couldn't get back to sleep I've been doing pretty good though it's been a little time out in the sun and some time reading but it's been one of those Wednesdays

Tuesday moments

 I'm kind of getting worried about any damages that weird guy who I had the issue with yesterday we have done to my tablet. Something's changed on it that's for sure and I don't know how extended the effects will go. Trying to access things from the internet now it's very slow. That's okay I can access some fairly decently on my desktop and on my cell phone if I need to it's just that I use this tablet for Just so much stuff. It has an excellent speech to text function that I use a great deal and ever since yesterday the computer can't find the stuff or it's taken forever for it to load. I'm kind of taking a chance on this document and hopefully it'll load decently we'll have to see. I noticed also I had Amazon Prime and now I don't seem to have it anymore and I have to go through a new a count or something to get it functional again I think at way more expensive cost. I think I was grandfathered in because I've had Amazon Prime when it was basically free or maybe I'm just getting attlebrained. Anyway, everything seems to be a little different on my system now I need to be very vigilant that it doesn't get too weird a two different.

The days have been pretty nice lots of sunshine temperatures in that lower 70s which is tolerable with long sleeves for me. Short sleeves will make me feel chilly all the time but in the direct sunlight it's not bad I spend a great deal of time today reading out in the back parking lot and it was pretty comfortable so much so that I didn't go out and do anything today to speak of. I think I would just so excited because I was called yesterday's indicating that I would not have to go into the city today for my Tuesday morning meeting. We've basically ran out of money and we have no grants to award so there's no reason to get together which is kind of a drag but at the same time I enjoy a breakdown then and today was reading my Stephen King. The volume I'm reading is called Holly and it's relatively new because they talk a lot about the pandemic and after the pandemic what's happening to some of the characters in the book. I've read it before but I think I just sort of gleaned over at that point now I'm sort of a deep dive into the volume and pulling out a lot of stuff that I missed when I was trying to just read it through the first time. That's the best thing about Stephen King if you ask me is that he writes so well that it's a joy to read him again and again. I've never done that before and I'm just beginning to do it now. I sort of learned that from my daughter who will we read a book several times if not indefinite. When she's bored or there's nothing else to do she just picks up a a book and just reads it again. I kind of understand. There's a couple Stephen King's I keep reading over and over, I think I've listed them here somewhere in this blog. Tomorrow looks to be a good day too I don't know if I'll spend it reading or maybe jump the bus and go somewhere as long as we have the decent weather. Low pressure systems are coming in I'm not sure what that means except for temperatures are coming down a little bit..

I Can See Clearly Now

 There used to be a comic strip called Pogo which I didn't really understand so much as reacted when my parents would read it and enjoy. What are the reoccurring jokes in Pogo was whenever the 13th of the month fell they always indicated that Friday the 13th fell on whatever that day was Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever. Today I feel like Friday the 13th fell on today Monday the 13th of May 20 24. They started out challenges it was when after a successful launch into my chair from the bed annoyingly I got the hand control from my electric bed caught in my rear wheel of my chair as I pulled away from the bed pulled the bed stand over scattering everything on the floor Plus a quarterback full of pee that I generated during the night. On top of that I could not reach the cord to undo it was out of my reach eventually having me call my home health person who is due to come in anyway but comes in a bit later to come in early if she could. She couldn't and didn't show up till like 8:30 and this whole thing started like at 6:00 a.m.. that's okay I just wrote the morning off as an exercise in patience. Melissa did come eventually and totally picked up the mess that I had created as well as mop the floor cleansing everything the urine had touched. She did a wonderful job totally grateful cleaned out a real messy box that I keep next to the bed of throwaway things. She even mopped the rest of the apartment. I gave her a $10 tip and Counting myself lucky.

If that was not bad enough, when I check my inbox of my emails I saw a note from somewhere indicating that a computer system protection software was getting ready to charge my account $585 for the next year protection. I thought I had cut this off but freaked me out just the same so like a fool I called to help number- - this was all during lunch and I got somebody in the third world country I'm sure India our Pakistan or something named Eric later on Brandon who let me through the next three to four hours of discussion on this proposed hit on my account. In the second hour I begin having a suspicion that this was not going to be usual that this was a scam of some sort. I was not sure but they certainly had me hooked. This went through a whole process looking back I can see how I was the fish being reeled in till the very end when I was so frustrated I was screaming and yelling at my phone with the trick that they did at the very end trying to get me to give them my account information it was really sort of

well done and I still don't know if I did it or not hopefully I did not at least not enough information that they can do anything to my account which is small peanuts. It was so weird they did this trick at the very end where they said they were going to deposit money into my account and then they deposited $2,000 more than was supposed to then they wanted me to give the money back to them that's what I pretty much knew it was a scam and disconnected. I now hope that this is behind me and realizing there's probably nothing out there to help me if it's not and they're going after me big time. It was a total scam I can see it now the clouds are gone I Can See Clearly Now the rain is gone- - no if I could just see all the obstacles in my way ellipsis

Sunshine Mother's Day

 Finally a great spring day full of sunshine and warmer temperatures. I've sat outside for a couple hours already not necessarily working on a tan but not trying to hide my flesh either from the scorching sun rays. I should be more careful but I am a sun worshiper just the same. A book came in the mail yesterday one that I supposedly had ordered which I did order a book by this author Paul Oster but the book that I got is not what I thought that I ordered that's okay I think I'll enjoy the book eventually if I ever get to reading it but it's not a novel it's a collection of I think Snippets from This American Life on NPR. I'm sure it'll be good and might be a good thing to read during this summer at some point particularly those evenings when clouds roll in Thunder strikes or Roars and lightning strikes and you just want something to get lost in for a few hours. I didn't open the book right away because I thought I knew what was inside so I waited to tell this afternoon after I finished reading my last Stephen King offering. It was a good read taking me much too long. Fortunately however I'm planning to pick up the second to the last Stephen King that I read earlier this year a volume called Holly which I can't remember much at all. I think it would be a good exercise to read it again. I have the volume and hardback which makes it a little more difficult to read in bed but I think I'll be okay.

Cuz I indicated earlier I spent a lot of time outside, in the Sun and shade, reading in that time when I came back there was a sack of meat hanging on the door. Sliced meat then it triggered my memory that yesterday when I went to coffee with chatted up from upstairs she indicated that she had gotten some sliced ham from one of the folks at works at the food bank here at the apartment complex that she would share it with me. It didn't taste like him I think it was sliced pork. Wasn't bad however even though I'm not a big pork eater with the exception of ham and bacon. Sausage is okay too but I'm just not big on it. It's nice to have the meat however something to do with sandwiches and be able to enjoy the coming week. I still have a pot full of hamburgers that I made sloppy joes and the concoction so I've got quite a bit of food to go through this next week I'm not sure how that's going to go I may have to do some freezing or just let the stuff go. It's a nice spring Sunday night, I may go out and get a few more rays before the end of the day…

Saturday night thoughts

 It's late the day got away from me, as seems to be the case these days. But the sun was out just a faint Breeze making a little uncomfortable but I did get some sun on my body and got the coffee this morning so all is good it was a pretty good day. I even got to the market picked up a few things to get me through the weekend and was able to hang out at the apartment and lean back in my chair to take the weight off my butt. I'm a little worried about some pressure issues feels like might be occurring. I'll have to have my care person look at me are my butt on Monday to see what happens. I also noticed some blood on my foot which says a little spooky and we'll have to have that looked at as well. What if I become one of those people who never wear shoes? I would have to design some kind of device to wear over my feet to give the illusion of shoes for those who have a hard time being with people who are barefooted particularly in public. I just cannot afford to have any kind of foot issues especially infections. Can lead to so many bad things when you're in a wheelchair. Historically I've healed pretty well and once we get this taken care of I should be all right. I'm a little worried that the cause of the skin breakdown is because of the spasticity in my feet causing my feet to roll to the side and put pressure on that bunion or callus or whatever I have on the side of my foot. I know this is a short one for Saturday night but it is late and I need to get headed to bed as far as I know I have breakfast in the morning with the fam..

Slow cash

.I don't quite remember what I was doing this morning when suddenly my phone rang and I didn't really pay much attention just because I always get these trash calls or you know sales promotion type things. A few minutes later the phone rang again and that was at the table doing something but I didn't take the call then either and finally about a half an hour later was around my phone so I decided I'd lick to see who called and it was something called Utah try, that sounded Vaguely Familiar and then it dawned on me this is the renter rebate program of the Utah Tax Commission. This is quite a far ranging Commission but one of the things they do is this renters rebate and for people who are qualified then get anywhere from 2:00 to $350 back from their subsidized rents I guess. I've never really relied on renters rebate checks but they're nice to have around. I usually cash mine and then hide it in books or places in my apartment for what I need immediate cash for one reason or another. I often use it for tips for my home care people or whoever might be ofneed you know a little extra cash. I was pretty sure it was the folks following up as to why I haven't sent in the two documents they needed to send me my check. The truth of the matter is that I can't find it anywhere and I just about given up on the whole project when I started getting these phone calls. It seems like I told them just to forget it and I try to make the program next year they think that's pretty stupid and maybe I would be for passing up that much money. However, after the second try getting a hold of me I called back and spoke to Terry, the girl who's been working on my case. Quite frankly I am a bit amazed and quite intrigued that Terry is so passionately wanted to make sure that I got my renters rebate money. She finally figured out one half of the documentation I needed from last year's documents but I still needed to a figure from Utah Retirement. I immediately called Utah Retirement Systems and the lady wasn't really too excited to help me sort of insinuating that I needed to have a better filing system she said I just needed to have a separate folder for such documents, rather than getting into a knock-down drag out fight about how I did have such a document or folder and it didn't help I decided just to press the issue and yes she is sending me out the information- - she couldn't tell me over the phone it had to be sent in the mail so hopefully sometime next week I'll have this all behind me maybe in a couple more weeks a couple of hundred bucks to mess with through the summer...

For however long

 I know, I know I was way into almost sleep last night for all the sudden I realized I'd gone to bed without doing a posting to my blog. There was a time when I would have actually drug my ass out of bed rolled over to my tablet and dictated a posting but not anymore. I will try to keep posting every day but not with the same tenacity as I have been. No particular reason except why? I proved to myself I can make many many 500 word minimum posts so I have the verbiage to do a novel or a book if I really wanted to obviously I don't want to accept the back back of my mind there is a nickel every once in a while that says write the book but who knows if I even have enough time at this point in my life seriously. 

The weather is still not stable enough for me anyway to go out and do some rolling around. I don't have any reason to. I've got everything I need for right now I think tomorrow or Saturday I may go get some Provisions for the weekend but bottom line I really don't need to be in the market I don't need to be purchasing anything just for the fun of it. I think until I get my tooth paid for I'm going to keep a low profile spending wise not that I spend a lot anyway. I do need to get some more shirts. I threw another shirt away yesterday after I took it off and realizing that all day I had been rolling around looking like a hobo. The shirt that I was wearing had this gigantic rip in my left sleeve and there were holes strewn around the shirt itself. I love the shirt and I hated to throw it in the garbage but if I don't we'll just show up in my closet again and I'll wear it again. If I was really Brave I would get rid of all my holy shirts and get a bunch of new long sleeve jobbies for the coming fall and winter. Soon I believe I'll be wearing nothing but short sleeve shirts tell that time. It's kind of difficult to tell what I'm going to need I'm really getting a little freaked out about all the weather will change that's happening as soon by global warming that's what I'm hearing on the news anyway. Weather patterns seem to be changing the over across the country there's no reason that I shouldn't be that way in Utah. I doubt that we will see any major tornadoes but who knows? We could see just more rain or maybe hot Temps in the dry season. There's so many ways the seasons could go different that they've ever been before and all I believe due to global warming. I try not to get too spooked about the whole thing but we have yet to be visited with the Calamity that other parts of the country seem to be getting pounded by especially the flooding and the tornadoes. I just keep waking up every day and showing up to her I need to go if I need to be anywhere. If not I mess around the apartment watch something on streaming work out cook or make something and just really enjoy my apartment for however long I get to

Extract this

 When I left my assist meeting last week the leader of our group wasn't sure if they had enough names to process to make a meeting today worthwhile coming in which was all that I needed yesterday when I was setting up a visit to my dentist. Even if they decide to have a meeting I was going to have to decline because I felt my trip to the dentist was much more important than it was.

I did not sleep much last night though I did okay throughout the day all things considered. But I read till 11:30 p.m. then turned over and actually went to sleep not waking up again till about 3:30 a.m. the pain was not excruciating but it was definitely there. I did take a couple ibuprofen and tried to get some more sleep it kind of work but not much. My appointment was for 10:00 a.m. so I surely didn't want to sleep past it. Finally got up at 6:00 a.m. and decided to get ready as quickly as I could which took me the rest of the morning. I finally got ready I was done getting ready by 9:45 and I zipped over to the dentist office. He didn't use the whole hour didn't need to at first glance they realized that I had a major infection going on and sad to say I was going to lose the whole tooth but I couldn't do it today because first I need to be on a regimen of antibiotics for about 10 days. I sort of suspected this so it didn't really freak me out it's sort of did as far as losing the tooth goes because as I said it's my final grinder. I think I can get by without the grinder if I really had to especially for the rest of my life I would figure something out. I think I mentioned earlier there would also be a gigantic cost for whatever as far as getting some kind of post over there that I can chew on. I was sitting in the chair for some time as they did all their talking and x-raying and making the final decision which was pretty easy there wasn't enough tooth left to actually fix. This was when the dentist, who I really like and the dedicated reader will know that that's spent some time working with him or at least visiting with him over some issues that had been going on in his life. I didn't realize it then that we had developed some kind of a bond. Anyway, the dentist pulls me aside and I think he is trying to not insult me but at the same time wanted me to make sure he knew that I would have some real challenges paying for a new post or tooth/ molar. He then told me if he charged what the going rate for something like this would be it'll be $4,000 roughly. This again did not surprise me but it made me want to consider how to go about doing something like this. That was when he started saying that where he would not or could not do it for free he would cut as much out as possible making my end sacrifice $1,000 or so and it wouldn't be written anywhere it wouldn't be in the books anywhere and if there was anybody that anybody had challenged it along the line like bookkeeping to just visit with him. I told him I could go a little bit higher than that so we kind of settled on $1,500. That's a lot of money for me even with options that I currently have open. But I can do it and it will give me something to chew on later on. In the meantime he of course gave me a prescription for something to work on the abscess. I of course went over and immediately filled the prescription and didn't take it till later on in the afternoon when the pain was sort of getting unbearable. I think I'll be in good Straits tomorrow once this first shot of antibiotic has a chance to start working on the bugger living inside my jaw/ tooth..

Reoccurring dreams

I've been having this strange recurring dream the past couple of nights. It's more than a dream that like lasts the whole evening it seems like while I'm sleeping. I of course think I'm awake but I'm not I'm sleeping. I don't even know if I can identify to address it fairly something to do with time and me and my disability I can't really put my finger on it all I know is that it has something to do with the current pain I have in my mouth. It's Dental Oral pain and it's for ebbing and flowing. Sometimes it's there other times it's not or sometimes it's just kind of there with a slow pain in my brain and it's at this point that I can't stand it or if it's just before bedtime I'll drop a couple ibuprofen and hopefully that will ease me into sleeping then I can sleep until morning hopefully and I'm not above taking a couple more ibuprofen in the middle of the night if the pain actually wakes me up. This morning I think I woke up around 3:30 a.m. but was able to get back to sleep till about 4:00 something and then I tried to get back to sleep which I didn't really get around to and Drug my ass up at 6:00 a.m. as always. Anyway the pain is so significant that when I looked out the back door and saw that the staff and the doc was in at the Dentistry next door or over across the street I made a phone call and I'm in like Flynn tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.. I could have actually gone today but there's only a half an hour of time and the doc thought it would be best that I scheduled for an hour in case he has to do anything. He has to do something. I don't know if this tooth well I do know there's not much of a tooth left there anymore most of it's filling and get into another one we've been trying to say because it's the only grinder I have to speak of in my mouth anymore. I'm sure I could get by without the tooth if we have to extract it but would make real life a little easier to have a grinder on top to match the one beneath. I am proud of myself for making the appointment there's a time where I would drug it out as long as I could for fear of more pain but you know what I finally realized that if anything the dentist stops the pain regardless of the shots in the mouth and the slipped needles in the eye. I always also wonder about these ebb and flow type pain Mills. It's like by the time I get somebody on the phone to make an appointment or something the pain is ABS and there isn't any to speak of and I feel guilty for not being able to tough it out. It's later on in the middle of the night or whenever the pain flows unrestricted and I'm just riding in pain at least feeling pretty bad. But now I'm taking care of it.

The only good part about having this oral tragedy right now is that the weather is so out of control. If I choose not to do anything and stay in the apartment all day just hanging out and dealing with the pain it's so no big deal because I'm not missing any of the day and not feeling good enough to go anywhere. I'm just hoping hope that the good doctor will find what the problem is either repair the tooth, the filling or maybe go inside and strip the nerve out of the tooth and just let it be dead but therefore grinding. You got to have a grinder

Sedately Sunday

 I feel guilty after a full day of watching nothing but silly offerings from Netflix in the Marvel Universe and finding out I've wasted another day of my life and then in the last minute realize that not all was such because I got up early I'm at my son at the restaurant and we had a great breakfast together. My granddaughter is still in North Carolina at her sister's graduation ceremony so it was just us- - Mark and me. And even so, we spent a good one hour to 90 minutes and conversation and enjoying each other's company. I rushed home before the clouds opened up for great wind, copious amounts of rain and then the coup de gras was actually falling snow! It was at that time that I quietly reached down and turned on the heater pulled the shades and enjoyed my Netflix as much as I could drinking coffee and feasting on the last of the pizza I got the other day and finally having pot pies, beef pot pies, a guilty pleasure I enjoy now and again. This time instead of soggy pies that I get when I try to heat them up via the microwave I actually still had the oven cleaned free of it's usual pots and pans and I actually heated them up in the oven so I enjoyed a great couple of beef pot pies. I might even try this come Monday with corn dogs. I can tolerate the corn dogs if I put them in the microwave I have to be careful that I don't explode the cornmeal in case in the dog and not get everything to hot that that's not enjoyable. This just might make( heating the Frozen dog) a bit more palatable.  Also I might add I spent a good part of the day also, nearly writhing as one of the few teeth I have left in my head as decided to do consider absination. The only Solitude I have is that hopefully Monday or Tuesday the dentist can get me in and do something to relieve the pain. Until then I'm living on ibuprofen and hope that the tooth can be saved that's some kind of price I can afford in this lifetime. On a less traumatic note I can inform you that little bit by little bit my sense of taste is returning! :-) I don't know what happened really except for whatever was making me so ill also robbed me of all flavor of whatever food I was trying to enjoy. I'm currently in a orange juice mode and I couldn't even tell if it was orange juice or not, I could sense that it was cold and it was flavorful, kind of, but I just could not get any flavor out of anything even the pickled peppers that I totally love the flavor. The pepper is still stung my mouth but I couldn't get the great flavor that I basically make the concoction for.

I've made it through another weekend without any negative effects. This is a great sign for me. I just hope I can get everything fixed and ready to go by the time good weather sets in. I'm about ready to give this chair up to the wheelchair shop so they can do some work that will probably hopefully assist me to better enjoy staying in this chair. I believe I have two years before I can consider another chair… but who's counting?

Saturday's Sulk

 Today has been kind of a reprieve, the sun has been out the temperature has been almost to 80°. I even was able to lay out a little bit in my chair and catch a few Rays this afternoon. That's about the most adventurous thing I've done today. Still feeling a little under the weather or whatever this is that I've got. I'm beginning to think more and more that it's allergies and this may be just a new stage in my life. That's okay I can take what's coming I'm glad I'm here I'm glad I'm doing as good as I am and nothing set in stone- - not yet anyway. The daylight savings time slash summer extended day thing gets so confusing for me. Not time wise, I mean I know what time it is it's just the feeling that the sun is still out and it makes it feel like I'm like still early in the night when it's really getting kind of late for me. There are certain things I like to have done by a certain time so it doesn't really crowd my going to bed procedures. I like to have them done by 8:00 at least if it's possible but now 8:00 seems like at 6:00 and in the back of my mind it's nibbling indicating that it's getting late but everything else says it's early and I can still do a lot more stuff which I can't and still try to get to bed at a decent time. I still haven't got that masterjet it's rare that I ever get to bed by 11:00 p.m. it's usually around 11:30 to almost 12:00. That makes it difficult to probably get as much sleep as I need but I can usually make it with whatever I get even if that means I'm having to do cat naps during the day and again I don't really mind that that's not like I'm interacting with anybody that is going to be offended that I'm yawning or even slipping out of Consciousness here and there. I think I'm going to have to search around for the iron pills though and just see if at the cost of constipation will I be less tired during the day and I guess that's important. I've got a doctor's appointment coming up in may, it is May, the end of this month and and I know that she's going to ask me how the iron pills are coming along. And I'm going to have to either lie and say I'm taking them or be honest and say I'm taking them for a couple weeks but the truth is I sort of lost them somewhere- which is kind of true. I can live with myself with just a small lie like that specially to somebody in the medical profession. And what's more is that maybe this is the way I'm supposed to feel at this point in my life. Maybe I just do tire outs at the end of the day. That's not such a big deal.

I almost went to coffee this morning, across the street, but I had an issue with getting dressed never really got my shoes on not that it matters over there but I just figured I still had half a pot of coffee why not just heat it up and hang out here at the apartment. I still have pizza from last night's frozen pizza party of one. Now I'm having to deal with the issue that I'm having a tooth that I think is going to abscess pretty soon. Seems about right since I sent the last hundred bucks into my dentist to pay off the last bill the first of this month. The guy just got back from Europe and I don't want him running short...

Fog rolling

I really don't know what's going on with me. Sometimes during the day I'm feeling pretty decent almost like my old self other times I feel like I'm still in the spiral of Doom. This morning I used my feeling ill as an excuse not to go to coffee but I really didn't feel like visiting with all the coffee heads well coffee heads this morning and besides I'm kind of worried about this is something Dreadful maybe I need to stay away from people. In fact I noted when I went to the fridge and got my drink of orange juice that I couldn't tell the orange juice or the flavor of the juice! Of course the first thing I thought I was covered since you lose your sensitized. Then I had a couple spoonfuls of the concoction and I could certainly feel the crunch in the sensation of the vegetables but again I couldn't really taste the concoction the juices are the vegetable flavors or anything. After I got through the panic I pretty much set aside the fear I went on with my day. I would have liked to have stayed in the apartment with the heat on just watching series and movies but I really need to go to the market to get some white bread and a few other things I think I needed I should have gotten big bottle of orange juice but I'll have to do that tomorrow I guess or maybe Saturday. I want to believe in orange juice I totally believe in it. I have faith it'll make me well. I'm still living on ibuprofen and what's ever in the night time cough medicine from the market. I guess I should be thankful getting this summertime flu/cold/ allergy out of the way early in the summer so I can enjoy the rest of the summer particularly while these spring days are so inclement with low temperatures and on and off rain. This weather lets me feel I'm doing something productive by getting better and I'm not losing any of the time I would have since I'd have to be in the house anyway usually during these cold days unless of course I had a meeting or something I had to be too then I'd go to the meeting in the cold. Rod fog rolling

The trees are all out now the blossoms are blown away in good strong leaves remained whipping in the wind brought on by the cold low pressure systems rushing through the area. Plus the grass is green everywhere at the park especially luckily the rain has made it possible that the have not had to use any sprinkler systems yet so that's a little bit of a blessing saving water. I tried to take my temperature this morning then realize that the battery in the thermometer I purchased at Walmart a couple years ago has all but run out. So with no temperature I don't know if I have one or not- - that didn't make sense but I think you know what I mean and I'm not going to go back and check it out or change it out- - I had to take the top off and some other little rubbery thing and see that there was a place for a small round battery to go in there so I don't know if it's worth the energy to get somebody to go over to Walmart or I can go over to the drugstore and purchase the battery and maybe have Melissa put it in the thermometer. Other than that it's been a pretty good Thursday night I wish I'd cook something for dinner there's no reason not to I got some great meat pies at the market I just want to drink juice I guess I'm going through that really fast too. I guess it's back to the market tomorrow or maybe I can stretch it till Saturday it's supposed to be warmer on Saturday