Ramblings About Options

Wednesday was my light workout day at Wellness. On this day I supposedly do less heavy lifting which supposedly gives my muscles a rest. On this day I do the arm bike, I do my usual 30 min. plus cooldown and then I work with these colored bands which I stretch against an supposedly gives my arms a workout just not as heavy as with the weights. However I've noticed as I've gotten to the green band which seems to be a little harder to stretch against. I'm really straining my muscles. Wednesday I think I strained my AC joint on my left side which has been causing me some pain and difficulty to the point that I elected not to go in today and give my body a rest. I of course felt guilty for shirking my duty to my body and I kind of felt bad for the staff for not showing up but really they don't care that's okay. I am at wellness for me. So I'm using this day to rest .

So this posting dovetails with the last blog posting. I am wondering how much I use the Wellness program as a form of socialization and if I should develop this home gym like we are considering, I would probably go in less to Wellness and work more at home or at the Holiday Lions Recreation Center. DD has been researching the recreation center and we have both been impressed at how much the center has to offer especially for the amount of money involved. I am particularly interested in the recreation center since they have a very nice, heated pool which is majorly accessible. The recreation center is really not that far from our home 1015 min. Besides the pool the rec center also offers access to free weights, machine weights and even a quasi arm cycle. I'm not sure how much I would actually use the weights at this facility as much as I would use the pool.

What really surprised me when thinking about the alternative health options was that in spite of myself I think I would miss some of the old farts at Wellness. There are a number of fellows close tot my age that come in on a regular basis. I was not going to engage with these folks and just focus on my Wellness but that did not last long and I have gotten to know some of these folks and it's interesting. It's interesting to have other males my age with disabilities attending this program that I can actually communicate with if I so desire. I don't know how much I would want communicate with these guys or you see them on the social setting outside of Wellness but the option would be there and these are folks that I know now. They have become part of my orbit and social network.

We will have to see what happens in the next couple months and see if we actually follow through with the equipment we've been talking about. The drawback of such equipment is the footprint they will take up in the house. There is little room in the house as of this just for us but the opportunity is there now to be in control of my weight and muscle mass. It is not important how I maintain these items what is important is that I do it. Then, if I have to force myself to socialize that will have to be a hurdle that I forced myself to jump over. I cannot understate or overstate how important the wellness concept is to me right now. Wednesday was my light workout day and wellness on this dayOn this day I supposed to do less heavy lifting

Working It Out

I am sure somewhere in writing this blog I have used the analogy  of the dog who chases  the car and what would  the mutt do if he actually catches the vehicle? Well, I think I'm becoming that mutt. As you all know I have been involved with the Wellness program offered by the University of Utah physical therapy rehabilitation program. Again I am impressed with the quality  and the amount of good the Wellness program has done for me: I've dropped a little weight, trimmed up and got some definition in my musculature. This project has obviously been good for me to the point I want to keep going in the direction of healthy self improvement. The Wellness program is okay, actually it's damn good for what it does. Wellness offers a platform for folks with disabilities to take some healthy control of their lives by offering a weight room and quasi trainers to assist in their efforts at an affordable price for most if not many folks with disabilities. There are a host of drawbacks with this program but I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks to the point where my involvement with the Wellness program has become a major focus of my week visiting the program at least three times during the week.

So obviously the next step is leave your home to exercise if you could exercise at home?  I have been kind of searching the Internet for used equipment that would allow me to do the same exercise that I do at Wellness. To this end Dianne found a rickshaw listed on KSL.com for 50 bucks. This is a deal regardless of how you view the equipment or the price. I have endeavored this week and making contact with the individual who posted the rickshaw. We may contact and I bought the item, sight unseen except for what was listed in the” Classifieds”. The item listed looks like a rickshaw, not as nice a rickshaw as I see listed, but again, for the price very much worth the risk. 

It's the morning of Wednesday, October 30 and I am waiting optimistically for the individual to drop off the rickshaw. I'm a little spooked, not knowing what to expect for to put this piece of the equipment that will be worked out in due time. Dianne and I spoke last night and she is supporting the acquisition of an arm cycle here at the house. The arm cycle is a major part of my exercise regimen at Wellness. With these two pieces of equipment I'm well on my way to realizing a full-scale home gym. This excites me kind of. Dianne has also been researching neighborhood health programs and there is one really close in our community that has not only accessible weight/exercise equipment put a warm water pool and maybe even supports that would allow using the pool but safer than what is available close by in the public sector. If I were to get involved in one of these County programs, that is if they met my requirements for supported physical therapy, I. E. Working out then I would shed a relationship with Wellness/University rehabilitation altogether. This I have to consider more fully...hmmmm?

More to come…

A Teachable Moment

We have been blessed with numerous beautifully perfect autumn days the last few weeks. Each day is beautiful and perfect for being out in my chair, in the community and doing things I like to do. I think I am beginning to let my guard down, beginning to have faith that if I do, there will be no sucker punch . It's just beginning to feel like maybe no sucker.

Friday was beautiful of course and I spent the morning goofing around the house before getting ready for Wellness. I almost went in early having some errands to do before my workout but I dawdled too much.  Dianne drove me to the station and I was pleased to see I was quite on my regular schedule. I did my errands and still had a great time to kill before my three o'clock work. Therefore, I took the moments and wandered through Barnes & Noble on the excuse that I was doing recon for Christmas gifts. Friday was the 25^th, exactly 2 months before the great event.

You know as much as I should hate , big-box stores, and particularly big-box bookstores I don't. I really like Barnes & Noble the book mart, I feel good just being in Barnes & Noble, smelling the coffee, smelling the books and seeing the beautiful people which enhance the store. A fall afternoonin  Barnes & Noble is a fantastic place to spend a few minutes, on a rainy autumn afternoon or stormy winter afternoon Barnes & Noble is a great place to escape from the weather and just be for a moment or two. I even like to nod out sometimes deep within the stores stacks. Today however, I wandered back to the deli/coffee bar and just wondered if the cookies or cookie would be worth the investment. I had stopped earlier at Central Station and got a small order of fries at Carl's Jr. and felt since I didn't have a major lunch I could maybe justify a cookie. The Barnes & Noble Coffee shop has a very nice closed in baked goods window,showing all kinds,pastries.What intrigued me most was the cookies: giant “Dick, Jane and Sally”cookies. The price for these delicacies was two dollars each! I can afford two dollars for cookies I just don't know if I want pay two dollars for a cookie. So I looked and I looked and I look at the cookies. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to buy the cookie regardless of the price a cookie seemed to be the perfect item for an autumn day waiting for Wellness.

As I stared at the cookies behind the counter there became an influx of people wandering up to the, and getting coffee and other treats which was okay I didn't want to have to make my decision to soon. I wanted to drag out my desire for the cookie. So I continue to look at the cookies not knowing that people were looking at me. As I sat back and let people in before me I noticed a small family: a mom and four boys all probably under four or five or six years of age. They're pretty well mannered I was impressed, they were cute not dressed stylish or fancy but in regular clothes, Tennis shoes jeans, longsleeved shirts under short-sleeved shirts and messy hair. Mom was also dressed accordingly the young upward mobile family out of Barnes & Noble being cool. I was amazed I somehow knew she would not even blink at paying two dollars a cookie plus whatever cost the hot chocolate was. That was cool after all this was Sugarhouse. It seemed this small family took forever to choose, and again that's cool, I was in no hurry. But finally the got their treasures and white wax paper handies and migrated to some empty tables not far from the dinosaur book section. I had made my decision  and it was time to order. Two dollars a cookie unbelievable! I can't think of the cost I just got a do it.

“ I'll have that macadamia nut cookie”, I said trying not to think of the price but trying to act cool. I had already fished out my wallet so I would not have to spend time rummaging through my backpack. I had the change I was ready when the sales girl said something like,” this is already been paid for”.

You know how in the fast pace of life, things happen to get said and no one pays much attention to, sometimes it seems the verbiage is just the lubricant of social interactions. But I had stopped to think and still with my wallet open and my hand ready to dig out dollars I asked again,” two dollars is that correct?”

“ This cookie is already been paid for” the salesgirl said again.

“ Who paid for this?” I said trying not to sound offensive or offended but curious then I realized it must be the lady with four boys. In a few brief seconds I had a major thought storm of how to handle this situation. A few months earlier someone had purchased my lunch, unbeknownst to me, and I'm not above accepting a free lunch now and then, but at the same time I must resist falling from my realms dignity.' I quickly came to resolve,' except the gift you fool this is a two dollar cookie!'

I called over to the small family and thank them for the cookie and the mom said " You're welcome.

I was amazed at how huge this cookie was. This probably was a two dollar cookie of value. Had I been smart I would've purchased a hot cocoa/coffee to go along the cookie but I did not. The cookie was free and I wanted to keep it that way.. As a munched on my cookie I thought about the counter. Was I somebodies teaching moment for the day, and upper-middle-class mom sure your kids be nice to the disabled guy perhaps worse be nice to the disabled bum. Why did she choose me, to look pathetic staring at the cookies behind the counter? Did she think I did not have the money, that I was one those people, pathetic people, who frequent places like Barnes & Noble to get out of the cold or other pieces of ugly weather? You know those hobos that have to take a break from the corners are standing on with their cardboard sign, we wander into Barnes & Noble to use the facilities and watch how other people live for a brief moment it may be spent a few of the hard begged dollars? Or maybe I was somebodies karma generator, someone trying to erase some bad karma. So I figured I'd turn it around and see myself as generating some good karma for myself by being the target of someone else's good intentions. To” roll with it” and doing some good in the world by allowing some good to be done.

The cookie was marvelous.

Dream. Scape

I don't have a recurring dream although I must admit I have dreams that have a reoccurring theme and that kind of worries me. Last night I dreamt, are what I remember dreaming was that I was having difficulty in my volunteer position and seemed to be causing me much stress. It seems so real like dreams do but I was actually sweating what the folks are how the folks at my volunteer site were going to terminate me. Then in a “ ah ha” moment I realized “ I can't be fired!”. I can be asked to leave and not return which I guess would amount to a firing but that the same trauma and fears that would come with being fired from a regular job.

Don't get me wrong I currently really enjoy my volunteer position. I like to work that I am asked to do. What I currrently do is inbound calling basically answering the phone when the next call comes in and try to match the person with their need hopes to help them get off their lives. It is a great chance for me to do good and believe me I need to do good.. I believe doing good..is burn off bad karma. I may be whistling in the dark but this belief makes me feel better. I have written in the past that I like the staff I work with and even the parent organization regardless of their high in the sky “rah.rah” mentality. They are kind of cute. I'm not too pleased with the direction the program seems to be headed but that's not my responsibility or problem. I am a volunteer. I can leave if and when ever I want. The best part more or less is that I can set my own hours. I currently work about 12 to 13 hours a week. I work a full shift on Mondays which is eight hours and then I come in for about two hours on Tuesday. On Tuesday I come in for the beginning of the shift so I'm there by 8:30 AM which means it actually there about 7 AM. This is what I like getting up early riding public transit and being downtown is the beast awakes. The Monday shift goes fast usually in Tuesday's shift just a sneeze in time. But I finish on Tuesday I have my whole week ahead of me it doesn't get better than that.

I have been thinking maybe I should be thinking of something else to do, something else to volunteer. Seriously now I'm thinking about volunteering somewhere else is like a kid in a candy shop what can I do, what should I do, what would be fun to do. I can make choices like that. Oh, I'm not ready to give up my headphones yet at 211 but things are changing I don't like change I don't like cheesy rah rah and I don't like other folks trying to drive my volunteer bus. More about the volunteer bus to come…

Fair Fare

It is not news that I leave for my volunteer post at 211 early in the morning. It's not news that I usually stop at the Starbucks directly behind my bus stop and I count my moments at Starbucks, on these mornings, many times is the high points of my day. I enjoy the experience of being welcomed by committed the building, all the baristas seem to know me and what I want or need or will order. It's kind of fun. I learned over the years now that is difficult to carry out coffee in mygear, A backpack that I carry in front of myself. I place the coffee in one of the pockets of the backpack and I do quite well. I have rarely had problems carry my coffee from Starbucks to 211.

Yesterday morning I woke slowly almost hung over it seemed. I had only had 3 1/2 hours. So I cannot say that I was surprised when I woke up half an hour later than usual. I'm new at this time would affect my travels but I was not worried. I have almost 90 min. built into my early morning schedule which allows me to get to work way before the time I need , In fact I actually laid an extra half an hour in bed knowing I would still be able to get to work on time, Toyota cutting it close, but I would be on time and besides hell, I volunteer! Still I don't want to push my volunteer options. So, it's Tuesday so I get my venti coffee, two pumps of vanilla and whole milk. And I was out waiting for the bus even with the time differential I had only missed by regular bus. Sure enough the 201 inbound was on time but I got on the bus 7:09 AM. I was amused somewhat taken back when the driver asked to see my bus fare when I entered the vehicle. This rarely happens and that's okay. Most drivers act as a seeing my bus pass was the last thing on their minds as they strapped me in for my ride to the train station. But every once in a while there is an eager beaver or I sometimes sense comments are made during report that all drivers will look at bus passes and bus fares on specific days. I don't know? But anyway today this driver let me know if He needed to see my.fare. Now consider a use power chair for mobility I have a backpack rested on my feet I have a large cup of coffee in my hand and Coming board the bus and the driver wants to see my bus pass… Something has to give.You have to get rid of my coffee so I motor my chair to my usual seating area which has the regular seat folded upTo make room for my power chair. What I learned is that on most days I can wedge my cup of coffee in the foldout seat which works just fine. With my free hands I can then dive into my backpack and pull out my bus pass. I don't know what happened yesterday morning but as I was attempting to wedge my cup of coffee into the seat the top exploded in a third of the coffee escaped the Cup And went on to the floor.I was pleased the driver did not lose it on seeing the coffee I think he realized it was his demand to see my bus pass which caused the problem. Still there was some tension. We danced around the issue at the end of the ride both agree that had he been my usual driver and seeing my bus pass at the first of the month he would know that I was good all month for the bus fare and not asked see the document.

The bus driver is the boss. I wish they could be consistent either show the bus pass every time you board and not worry about is more important things to worry about than making sure the poorest of the writers have bus fare.

Eugene and Me

I briefly mentioned yesterday thatI'm in the middle of the scanning project, Scanning hundreds of images into my hard drive in an attempt to organize my computer room and get rid of a lot of the clutter which has plagued me for literally years. The project has proved most tedious. However I plan to continue the effort until I have all the images on the hard drive and organized into some kind of meaningful folders. I can across this image buried deep in one of the folders and brought up lots of old memories..

This image is of myself and a friend of mine, Eugene. We met at the Elks rehabilitation center in Boise Idaho in 1966. We both had broken our necks and were quadriplegic. Eugene was a little older than me maybe about a year. He broke his neck out on a Boy Scout project. He and I were pretty different and our disabilities be in our commonality. Our level of injury was pretty close to the same however I do think Eugene's injury may have been slightly higher than mine his level of functioning was a little less than mine. We ended up hanging out a lot pretty much by default. The only other person who went through rehab at the same time that we did lived in Seattle when he was gone he was gone. So we Ended up hanging out because there was no one else to hang with. But we were pretty much opposites For example I was a Mormon gene was a Roman Catholic I couldn't do anything and Eugene could do anything. He smoked cigarettes, drank beer and did we do to get away with it. Perhaps one of the reasons I put up with Eugene as long as I did as he was my source for tobacco and alcohol it was kind of fun to push Gene to his limits. Eugene sort of acted like a tough guy who probably wasn't BK, Bishop Kelly high school where he attended up to his accident. I don't think he ever went back following is that neck break. But in reality, it probably was because of his spinal cord injury that he pulled into himself and I really think sort of afraid of the whole world. That was a big difference between us. My parents really did not treat me all that different after my disability except that I wasn't able to work as much around the house or was given work around the house. It was pretty much the same. I was expected to continue my rehabilitation at home as well is attending school. Eugene stopped his education, treated his parents poorly in many ways viciously to the point where he basically disowned his parents a year or so after his trauma and relocated to a long-term care facility, old folks home, downtown Boise which I marveled at. Eugene got some kind of settlement of the Boy Scouts lots of money to l led to pretty much what he wanted. Eugene have his own room at Restful manner, truly that was the name of joint. As I said Eugene smoke dope whenever you get it, he was in love with the hippie lifestyle kinda fantasized about being on. Eugene was the only person I knew who had a subscription to the Berkeley Barb. I would visit Eugene once or twice a week. My mom would drop me off after school and my dad picked me up on his way home. We would watch television, order pizza, smoke cigarettes and talk about California and everything else we didn't know anything about. Many times I would just take off after my time Eugene and begin rolling home where either my dad would pick me up for somebody else would pick me up usually take home. Eugene thought I was crazy would never do anything like that that is the difference.

I cannot say Eugene and I were close, I used him as much as he used me ever used each other. As I write this document I'm surprised at how many experiences I remember way more than I thought and way more to put In one posting. It might be a fun project to put some of these thoughts down maybe some stories about some of our adventures. Anyway that's a little more poop on the image above stay tuned.

Judge Not

Friday is one of my Wellness days and usually Wellness is the only thing I have going on Fridays so I busy myself around the house washing dishes, folding clothes and messing around in my computer room. Today I worked on that image to CD project. For the last couple of weeks I have been trying to focus on scanning all the loose photographs I have kicking around my computer room onto the hard drive of the big system. Like most projects I start it seems simple but quickly becomes overwhelming. However I'm committed to the project and force myself to work on the scanning as much as I can. I hope to somehow organize these images into usable groups and burn CDs to distribute to various family members who would be interested mainly my kids.

As usual I got carried away not paying attention to the time and soon realized I had to make haste I would not catch the 12:39 PM bus. At this time of day this bus route runs once an hour so if you miss the bus You have to figure out something to do for the next 60 min. However I made haste threw on some clothes and was out the door and heading to the bus stop. As I neared State Street I heard the thrum of what sounded like rotor blades. I also noticed there was a couple sitting at the bus stop with the stroller piled with all kinds of stuff, seriously looked like belongings of a homeless couple. As I got to the corner I noticed indeed there was rotary blades chopping the air and I could just see helicopter blades spinning above the Starbucks. A chopper was sitting in the parking lot of ShopKo. I was fascinated I even considered missing my bus affected scoot around Starbucks to get myself into the ShopKo parking area check out the chopper. Alas I had to wait for lights and would not change and wouldn't you know the burden lifted off just as I was crossing the street. It's always fascinating to me to watch helicopters lift off in public areas. The chopper climbed turned and was gone heading north to University Hospital. Oh well opportunities lost. Now the couple at the bus stop for having an animated conversation are actually a female of a couple's verbal the abusing her mate are sounded like she was. Both of them were just thrown together they look like in 2013 version of the grapes of wrath. They were very young and she seemed very hostile and I just sort of backed away. There were other folks at the bus stop when one lady seem like a social worker type engaged couple or the girl to which the girl seemed immensely grateful. But I could hear was just that the young girl seemed to know something about the helicopter. I thought it was weird that this is couple had a child in the baby stroller they were paying much attention to the child. These two seem like prime candidates for D C FS, Division of Child and Family Services. Maybe I was just being critical because I have such a problem with folks who use strollers/children to geton the bus or the train take a viable space which was meant for wheelchair folks. I've grown to accept This and usually I don't have much issue with these folks, but it still irks me move. I was trying to keep distant from these two but when the bus came I was taken aback at how helpful they tried to be to me in assisting me on the vehicle. Even if I did not need the help they were going to help me. We broke the ice or should I say they broke the ice. And since I figured they had inside knowledge of the chopper I made small talk.

Well it comes out the chopper was there for them or rather for their baby and nine day old infant that has something wrong with it something so severe that when the medics at the dock in a box around the corner and saw what was going on ordered and life flight to Primary Children's Medical Center. Now, these two were just trying to get to Primary to see what's happening with their kid. I can be so judgmental and I used to be so nonjudgmental I really do need to work on myself.  

Monitoring

Its been almost a week since I put on my cardiac monitor, Electronic box a little bit larger than a pack a cigarettes that hangs off a dongle I must wear around my neck. I cannot say the past week is not been hell but I can't say I have been a hell of a lot more comfortable. But I'm trying to keep an open mind on the whole project and hopefully something good will come out of it.

As you can see the monitor hangs between my boobs—yes I know I have man boobs and that's okay with me I got used to them in fact I kinda like the boobs but that is a entry for another time. I held off putting the monitor on till last Saturday. I really didn't want to wear it, it really intimidated me. I didn't know how it' going to live my life this thing hanging around my neck. But I decide to go with game plan and give it a shot. Dianne and I read up on the system, the monitor comes in the mail like something from Amazon.com. You have to take the monitor out of the box did the batteries in and then call the 800 number to let you guys know that you indeed have the monitor that you are getting ready to crank it up. They walk you through some initial steps to make sure you're broadcasting and that that. You go on with your life if you can. So of course I plan to start wearing the monitor during the weekend so I did a little comfortable with the device come Monday when I headed into work/volunteering. I don't like anything hanging around my neck for a very long and I'm surprised that tolerated this device for a week now. Probably, the biggest issue I have with the monitor is trying not to rip the electrodes off my skin as I get into bed at night. I have to be careful because when I flip myself into bed I usually end up face down i.e. chest down and have to push myself up and onto my side. You see of course with the monitor this is really difficult I landed right on top of the monitor and any move I make seems to jeopardize the leeds but after a couple of days are nights I seem to be doing better the leads are staying on. The other issue is shaving in the morning.. I cannot get moisture on the monitor. So what I have done is to wrap the monitor in a plastic bag( the kind you get from the market, the real filmy plastic). So far this seems to be working however I've noticed some moisture getting into the case so I am now wrapping the monitor in the plastic bag in a towel which seems to work okay. Aside from that everything sort of the same. I wear a shirt or sweater over the monitor and no one seems to notice that's okay by me. It's cool now so I wrap my hood around my body anyway so no one sees the monitor like I said it would be a big deal if they did see the monitor in fact it might be cool. I really haven't told anyone about monitor unless they happen to be on Facebook right bitched about a little bit.

I like to be naked you all know that and this monitor has really cut into my nudity. So you cant be completely naked wearing a monitor and event  if I have the monitor off as I did this morning when I showered for the first time this week, I'm still wearing patches for the leads to click into. It's like I am wearing pasties which seems a little erotic. I'm doing okay I just hope this is worth it.

I Borg

Couple weeks ago, when I was stopping smoking, I was experiencing feelings of anxiety. I don't know if the anxiety is related to the smoking or other events happening in my life such as retirement. There is also the thought that the anxiety might be related to something more nefarious or rooted in my body so I start the process of examining what could be happening in my life that might cause such anxiety. The only thing that raised its ugly head was that I had seen the cardiologist months earlier at the request of my primary medical person. You might remember from reading about the cardio cyst A few months back. Anyway, I sort of became fixated that the events of anxiety are related to the cyst. So I called the cardiologist spoke with his nurse who of course hemmed and hawed and finally said I should come in. Now you got to realize the cardiologist is ancient! Seriously this guy is old but I think he's brilliant in an old guy sort of way. He's old school, he told me to come back for year unless something similar happened and I don't think feelings of anxiety is something to him. I could tell. But anyway the nurse made the appointment for now & last week.

Sure enough Dr. Sheen looked at me like I had three heads which is even stranger two heads. The docor lookd at my file then looked at me then looked at my fileagain and asked me” what are you doing here”? I could tell he thought I was just fine and those as being a little histrionic. He looked at me like his time on this earth a short and he don't need boobs like mw take enough but little precious time he have left. But he paid attention to what I said and especially to what Dianne said Then To pacify me Ordered a CT scan of my heart and then as if to punish me he also ordered that I wear a heart monitor for a month. Who has to wear a heart monitor for a month! A couple days I could see, maybe even a week but sucking month! I mean really I don't see how I could wear the monitor a night time sleep. But I'm going to try to be compliant and see what comes. I think I'm okay and if I can wear the device for couple days or even month I'll get this behind me will see.

Well anyway yesterday was the CT scan. I scheduled the scan for Thursday, that is the day I don't have anything going as far as volunteer or Wellness. I scheduled for 10 o'clock just so I could make it on time and not have to get up too early. I don't know what I was expecting I mean I did this before I thought it was no big deal. But I got to Radiology and was wheeled me in to the CT machine. They took blood! I did know they're going to take blood, the tech said it was to see if my kidneys are working to flush out whatever they use for the contrast. That scared the snot out of me. Then they wanted me to transfer on this little plastic can't that would eventually be shoved inside this giant plasticdonut. I could not transfer they looked at me like I had three heads again.They finally brought in a crew to make the transfer. Then there I was laying on the plastic cot I was scared I was going to have a maximum spasm and throw me off the cot. Well luckily nothing happened oh except when they took the blood hurt like everything but then that's me being a boob. I did get the heating sensation which was weird, and was scared me big time if the tech had not explained the phenomenon to me before hand.

The images turned out great and I should hear back from a cardiologist in a day or so. The heart monitor arrived a couple days ago and so to put it on soon see what happens… I'll let you know

Bomb Threat Checklist

You may recall that my last work assignment before my retirement kicked him was an operator at the local information referral System. Her in Salt Lake City. I have enjoyed my experience with this group answering phones in giving out information to folks all over the state of Utah. Part of the enjoyment of this project has been the fact we are located in the pretty interesting building in the downtown area Salt Lake City. Were on the third floor soon to be going to the fourth floor but that's yet another post in this blog. What really fascinated me when I came on board was to note the FBI had offices on the top floor of this building. I thought that was so interesting have always working in this building. It was strange that you never saw them. Every once in a while you see a suit who didn't recognize and realize it was one of the FBI guys that didn't use their secret elevator are whatever they use to get to the top floor of this building.

The FBI is gone now from the 13^th floor from the whole building for that matter. They built an entire building to house the program out West Salt Lake which is okay. I miss the romance of having those guys in the building just add a little prestige to go to work and think Utah FBI was in the same building as you. It's interesting though is the of the day, a couple weeks ago, I came to work or to volunteer and see the announcement stapled to the wall above my computer. Now, I could see such document if the feds are still up there but now they're gone and also we need to be on the lookout are be wary of bomb threats to the building what am I missing here?

For the longest time I would take the elevator up to the 13^th floor just to see what was going on. I like just to see how far you can go sometimes. Right after the feds moved out I was up there mingling with a lot of blue-collar guys with Levi jeans.Martin type boots, flannel shirts walking back and forth knocking out walls and tearing things down. There was all kinds of computer stuff laying around, nothing of any value but still tons of stuff literally. It look like a major portion of the floor was frames and frames hard drives, the computer farm of some sort. Probably millions and millions of gigabytes of information. One of the week later and all that was gone the whole floor was abandoned flat like a park without grass and Windows looking out all over Salt Lake it was beautiful sight to behold. Lisa go up every Monday morning just to look at what the city wake up. I was dismayed last week when I went to check out the city and the 13^th floor button no longer worked. I d  press the button it would light and as soon as I removed my finger the light would go out. The elevator would no longer access the 13^th floor. Thats a shame it  is really cool up there. But now, it seems to be a mute issue with maybe somebody is not happy with the building. To the point they've issued  a document of what to do page in case of a bomb threat. Seems a little late for that now and kind of spooky with all that's gone on in this country in the last 12 or 13 years.I would hate to get blown up with the Fed's gone doesn't seem right.

Motors

As anyone knows who has spent any time at all with this blog knows that I use a power wheelchair for mobility. The chair I use is a quantum 6000 Z which is been pretty good workhorse for my needs in fact to this point I have logged approximately will know exactly 3712 miles on this chair. That is a little over three years maybe for but I think three because I'm counting the years until I can get my next chair. My insurance like most insurance programs stipulates that I can only get a power chair once every five years and that makes me a little nervous. When I got this chair I held out for the biggest motors I could qualify for. The bigger the motors the faster the chair and where I was driving a mile every day back and forth to my train station speed was important to me. So, I held out for the big motors which allows me to go 8 miles an hour, I know this is not sound like much are fast, but I really would want to go any faster I would truly be dangerous if that were the case. In any case I know these motors are wearing out. They have not failed me at all and I really appreciate that but every once in a while I feel something in the motors as I'm driving my chair that makes me a little concerned that makes me feel I need to take some steps to make sure my mobility is okay.

New motors would cost about $2000 apiece I need 2 motors ergo $4000 and I don't have 4000 to spend on new motors for an old chair. So I keep track of durable medical equipment listed on used equipment site that are local to me. A local television station, K S L, has a great website with a great classified section. One of the pages on the classifieds medical section is for used medical equipment and on that page I found the ad for two Nearly new motors that would fit my chair-- this is unbelievable. The individual was asking $150 for each motor and this of course is a deal. I thought about the motors for a week or so talked it over with DD and she encouraged me to go for it and purchase the motors. I made the call last week actually a couple days ago I spoke with the owner who is Jack. Jack is nearly at the end of his life cycle, which breaks my heart, he has a tumor on his spinal cord slowly taking his mobility and life away. He no longer needs the big motors on his chair and is getting rid of them and therefore I enter the picture make the call and claim the motors. I don't need them yet but I have them if I do. Thanks Jack, thanks a lot wish I could give you more, I wish I could give you more life. More life wow, double wow I'm still trying to process this individual into my life. He's not to be around much longer I just don't know how he doesn't. I have been such a boob in my life setting crying about where I am and what I'm doing and what I can't do boy somebody step up and slap is not out of my nose.I need to step back and rethink the situation and be damned thankful for every moment of access and independent that I enjoy because it can be taken away so quickly and so painfully are insidiously. I came away from my meeting with Jack and his family terrified. I try to have a meal at the local fish joined them I could barely taste the food I was so freaked out. I'm still coming to grips with the finality of the whole process and meeting this guy. Jack needs some information on how to better control of his life with a little resources he has left to him. He needs information on environmental controls I can do Some research on Environmental controls and see what I can find for the guy. I got his e-mail and I have his phone number hopefully, hopefully I can find something that will assist him in his final days.

Autumn and Pledge Season

The change of seasons are becoming more more evident as we near the official first day of autumn. I found the most significant change I've noticed has been leaving the house really mornings on the days I volunteer at 211. I leave the house usually a little after six o'clock in the morning today still quite dark and up until this week morning temperatures been fairly warm without a jacket not anymore however, it's chilly when I leave. The temperatures chilly to the point that it actually started wearing one of my hoodie type garments which works pretty well. The first couple days a week but it was so warm and afternoons I could just stuff the hoodie behind my backand that was okay. The last night as I was leaving Wellness I was surprised to find the temperature was chilly almost uncomfortably chilly and I was glad I had my wrap.

I was intrigued this week to find a reader of this blog from Malaysian. She has a cooking blog site on the Internet and I found her on searching Asian cooking recipes. I clicked on her website to get her weekly recipes. Day after I found she had left, and on my blog about the changing seasons. What I thought was interesting was how she commented on how nice it must be to have different seasons since, I guess in Malaysia, you basically have one which is summer.

I know I seem to be harping on this seasonal thing but the change of seasons I really have to admit how much I really enjoy this change. This coming Sunday is the autumnal equinox, the first day of autumn. I'm excited to have the official change and watch the seasons change this first autumn of my retirement. Everything seems a bit more clear, crisp and fresh. Wrap

Yesterday at Wellness I finally got back to a half an hour on the arm bike. I missed about a week and a half of my wellness training when I was down ill. I was weak going into wellness the first of this week but with yesterday's workout I'm back to level that's kind of exciting for me. I do though need to get some sort of exercise program going on here at the house but I can't begin to wellness. I really believe the wellness program has helped me maintain my lifestyle, frame of mine and longevity. Interesting that one of the trainers, Molly, has been ill for almost a week I sure hope I didn't give her anything. I hope she's okay maybe I'll see her Friday.

On a short note 211 again is going through some major changes and I'll see how these changes affect its operation before making decisions of whether to stay on at 211. We lost the key person in the management hierarchy and we are going to be moving to the fourth floor of building 257 and I will have to see how the new digs will be to work in. I've just finished my second week of the eight hour Monday and two half days on Tuesday and Wednesday. Actually it's not a bad schedule, I really like leaving a half a day but will have to see. It's pledge week from sea to shining sea that kind of sucks I think I well be listening to a lot more Internet music but perhaps that's best at least till after pledge season.

September 15, 2013

It is Sunday afternoon and I am finally getting around to posting a blog update. I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time carving out enough time to routinely update this blog but I seem to be having exactly that problem. I sure hope this inability to write is not a foreshadowing of dark things to come. I hope I'm not being melodramatic I hate it when other folks are melodramatic… I do not need this kind of drama in my life.

I've been sick the last week, sick to the point where faction missed volunteer work as well as Wellness. Oddly the timing of this illness kind of matches what was happening last year at this time. It was late September when I got such a bladder infection that I ended up in the hospital for a couple days. So maybe my being ill this last week is an end of summer ritual. This also means I need to shag ass down to the market pharmacy and get a flu shot for this coming winter. There is some question as to the shots efficacy but I believe in them, I really believe the shots have assisted me getting through the last couple years without major illness. I really believe I need to be very careful with my health at this stage in the game. In fact I need to set an appointment about with the dermatologist check out spots on my scrotum I don't like. Hopefully it's nothing but one can never tell. It's best to get checked out regardless of how terrifying the whole thing is to me.

I just got back from visiting next-door, my friend Al. I didn't spend long because I could tell he was busy trying to repair his vehicle. I sure wish there was more to do at moments like this to assist someone physically. Motor repair is way out of my comfort zone. He was also under the gun because his wife wanted to use the car this afternoon go to the market and looks like a no go for right now. I could tell Albert was anxious to get back to his car project so I let him be and headed back to the house and my afternoon. I'm well enough, I believe, to go back to work or volunteer tomorrow at 211. I will have to see how well I feel Tuesday to see if I continue to volunteer and later go to Wellness. I have some residual coughing but below the rails seem to be dissipating and that's good. I'm still feeling anxious from time to time which worries me but maybe that's just where I am at at this point in my life and hopefully things will settle down. I feel a lot of the anxiety have been experiencing is related to my recent decision to quit using tobacco. I knew there'd be an adjustment, there always is, but this challenge seems to of been more than I remember. I used to pride myself on being able to recreationally smoke but I think that is the thing the past. I need to be smoke-free and that's just the way it is.

That's the way it is a Sunday the middle of September of my 62^nd year. 

Homemade Garlic Chicken Soup

I am flummoxed and confused it's been more than a week since I last posted and the only excuse I have is that I've been sick, sick even to bed and that strange for me. Actually if you consult this blog you'll see last year at about the same time I was sick and even the hospital so maybe it's just a Fall thing. Whatever it is I don't like and I don't like it at all. Never missed more than a week of volunteering and a week of my Wellness program. I'm on the mend now, after laying around for a week or so but still I feel weak. I plan to ease back in my routine just to make sure.

To make matters worse, Dianne has come down with the disease as well but I feel The disease process seems to have worked hard on her as well. I'm a bit worried at how severe Diane seems to be ill. Dianne is drinking plenty of fluids and keeping some protein down. I hope she starts feeling better soon if not we'll have to take her in to the doctors as well. I was so bad I even went to the “Doc in a Box”. In fact Dianne As pot of homemade soup, garlic chicken homemade soup, on the stove simmering away even as I write. The house smells most delicious and I'm sure the soup will knock the socks off whatever I've got and whatever Dianne has got as well.

We have already begin experiencing autumn like whether, this is kind of nice but still a new season is beginning. The temperatures are dropping but the days are still nice and quite warm but the mornings are becoming wet and chilly. I really need to get one of my hoods out of storage to be ready for the colder days. Still being in retirement things are different I really only need to go in when I want be that volunteering our working out. It's quite stupid to be traveling in harsh weather if I don't have to and I don't have to. But I'll be out in the elements a little bit I like that something to bundle up against. So flu shots and good diet and lots of rest is my plan for staying well this Fall

September Ponderings

“ It's late September and I really should be getting back to school” thus begins one of my favorite songs by Rod Stewart from the fabulous 1970s. I love Maggie May and that time in my life but I was beginning my university work or life since my time and academe seem like a way of life for the longest time. I was personal to disability who had gone through high school and was matriculated in the local college soon-to-be University in Boise Idaho. It was all very swift the federal support programs were in their heyday there was money everywhere if you met the requirements and as a kid with a disability I did. With my academics at the time I probably should not have gotten in higher education but there I was. September, seasonal change, the end of summer.

A low pressure system blew and overnight bringing clouds at lower temperatures And really quite a nice day. We really didn't do much just hang out the house and enjoying some cooking and cleaning and each other. Great quality time together. We even cooked a real dinner, Roast beef and vegetables picked up at the farmers market yesterday. The dinner was excellent I ate too much. And tomorrow is Labor Day with stormy weather forecast for part of the day. Hopefully we should be able to salvage some part of the day tomorrow afternoon. We don't have much planned-maybe some time with Bridget and family at liberty Park who knows?

This is the firstautum I will be spending in my retirement it's weird kind of exciting I will be intrigued to see the change of season as the leaves change color and drop them and mop of summer. Oddly enough I have been called in at 211 to increase my presence at the operation. 211 seems to roll it out a new program which will need more manpower on the phones and they really would like to be there to assist with phone coverage. I know I'm cheap labor but they seemed focused and committed to have more of me there. It's a short project only three weeks. They wanted me there full-time but I just couldn't do that I gave him a commitment to be there on the phones mornings of Tuesday and Wednesday and still do a full day on Mondays So that's about 16 hours which I feel is pretty magnanimous. I chose Tuesday and Wednesday because those days I would be in the city anyway to participate in the Wellness program. By doing morning shifts at 211. I will just be in the city earlier in the day but still will make for a whole day away from home.. Maybe I'm getting spoiled but I sure like my time at home or maybe I'm just getting greedy and a bit selfish.

I'm still feeling a bit unsettled as I wander into this retirement thing. I am feeling moments of anxiousness, which sort of worries me from time to time. I think I'm coping okay but feeling a strange feeling of angst that I feel has always been there but now I seem to be more focused on the feeling. Many times I feel a bit histrionic so I'm trying to get adequate rest, adequate meals and a focus on my Wellness. I kind of think I'm not doing enough for my fellow man you need to be more other centered and return to the world all that been given me in this great time I call life. I think I'm just tired.                             

Time For Change

A couple of days ago I had what is called a home evaluation. The home evaluation is a procedure where a licensed occupational therapist shows of your home and does a walk-through to examine the possibilities of your home environment is becoming more accessible and more usable to you. In this case me. Now, this is the first time I have ever dealt with anything like an occupational therapist come into my living environment. This whole event is a major event for me. I think it's sort of means I'm getting ready for the next step in my new life of retirement. Granted this is more an issue of living environment and access but I've only come around to this idea since I retired and quite frankly been involved in the Wellness program offered through University rehabilitation.

I think I am becoming more open and examining more issues relative to access and my debilitating person as I age. I can see the need for these being traditions, and moments of advice for the medical model and the medical community but does not make that process any easier for me as a person with a disability who has been in somewhat control of his life for the past 40 some years. I mean I have survived fairly well as a person with a disability up until relatively recently. Since I've been going to Wellness as well is my rehabilitation process the last couple of years, I've gotten to know these professionals by side and to some degree on a personal level. Now this is not true of the staff at the sugarhouse Rehab facility but still I see them every moment I am at rehab and thus become familiar with the folks and I hear things about how good they do things. So I let my guard down a little and allowing these folks to peek into my world and see what they can do to make my world a bit more friendly to me.

So, this last Tuesday I had Nicole somebody who is an OT come to the house and do the walk-through. We scheduled for 10 o'clock which is okay. Dianne had spenta good portion of the weekend prepping the house to get ready for this event. The house looked pretty good. We were ready. Nicole showed up a little early which is okay. She brought a student OT with her, a para which is always interesting, I love watching paras in their own environments, which is always entertaining.

We did the greetings I introduced Dianne to the folks that we did the walk-through. Now let me say in the defense of everyone that I had never done anything like this before. I did not know what to expect, ask, our request. What I did think that the walk-through was notably more than one is. She pretty much just gave her ideas of what could be and quite frankly Dianne and I have been through this for some time on our own we know what we want what we are really doing, or what we thought we were doing, was quick enough a requirement that we would need in order to be sure we could use any changes to the house as rehabilitation nature and be open for any kind of tax options we might get or enjoy. Right off the bat Nicole pretty much indicated that is not what she was therefore into her knowledge there was no way that she could fulfill any such requirement. Now I disagree with that knowing what I know. So obviously we probably know more in this area on global issues of disability, tax benefits liabilities etc.

We wrestled to the house spending a lot of time on the bathrooms and what could or could not be done. In the end they left and we felt a little silly and having gone through the process but we did assure each other that we did have to go through the process in order to get to the next step and that is to speak with contractors who actually begin to make change in the household and this is exciting.

Which basically came out of the walk-through was that I have lived three decades actually for decades with my disability I have learned how to cope I've learned how to survive I would not enjoy my environment is much as I can. As I age I am losing the ability to continue to enjoy my environment as is now I have to look at physically changing that environment to meet my needs. I'm excited to have Dianne working with me on this project because she knows far more than I what is out there in the community and in the world for more accessible living. We now have to go to the next or work with my friend over and Assist,UCAT and anywhere else I feel might be helpful and rewarding financially in this project. I don't think it's going to be easy but it's what I've got left to do in my life spend a little time on me… I think I'm excited.

Poetry

I write poetry! I love to write poetry but I don't write poetry as much as I should ...there are a host of things I should do often and unrelenting but I do not. I think I've always liked poetry, or should I say writing poetry, because I felt it was easier than writing prose or short stories or novels. I've written poetry for as long as I can remember for at least as long as I've been able to write. I have tried little versus written to my mother when I was very young second or third grades. Mom kept them returning them to me before she died. I think in high school I began to realize that I liked in poetic and had something to say in poetic verse. That is the same time I was turned onto some of the more bizarre poets, in my estimation I. E.Poe, Samuel Coleridge and others-- I felt there was finally, somewhere I fit in.

So, I became a scribbler of verse. Again, I wish I was more committed, I wish I had a burning desire to read deeply and understand the great poets but I didn't have the patience or the love of other peoples written verse. But I did love my own writing which is part of an overall problem self the adore-meant,severe narcissism. It is unbelievable how much poetry at lost over the years, full notebooks and folders either throw away, forgotten about or just plain lost and lose and computer failures. I'm ever back up enough or back up onto drives stored away from the system. I should learn but my whole life is I should learn.

So I was pretty intrigued when I found Art Access here in Salt Lake. Art Access is a private nonprofit set solely to provide people with disabilities the chance to participate on the creative front of all things art. Of course I'm pretty cynical but used the private nonprofit for much as I could. I've written in the past blogs about Art Access's openings, Desert Wanderings, and place written and performed on the Art Access stage. While heady times. So where are these wanderings going? I've decided to once again wander through what little bit of my poetry is left and see if I have enough material to post some kind of booklet or book. Plan to focus the book of poetry on public transit, or my life in public transit. This is something I've thought about for years. I've always felt there's so much anguish and drama with people who are disabled and trying to use public transit especially those whose only form of transportation is public transit.

This post was post be about poetry slams which I can see now still needs to be written and shall be written right now I have to lay the groundwork to poetry slams. Poetry slams will be one posting in the series on my poetry, I think. I may even weave and some of my other artwork I. E. Sketches, drawings and paintings who knows got a whole canvas here work on. And again I'm guilty of usury if I can use my standing as a person with a disability and Are Accesses mandate of opening art to all. I think if I can compile enough material that I can be granted enough to produce a small book of verse. Am I bad?

So Long Ron

My ex-father-in-law Ron Olson died last Saturday morning and that was a bit of a blessing since it had a fairly significant stroke two weeks before with many of his communicative and mobility skills significantly impacted. Ron Olson had just celebrated his 90^th birthday last month and he lived a full life much of which was in Iona, Idaho.

I think I liked Ron Olson so much because he was a bit of a maverick, a freethinker pretty much traveling his own path which I've always felt was pretty rare in the environments in which he lived. I divorced Ron's daughter 20 some years ago and have had limited contact with the individual sense. We had two children which equals two grandchildren to Ron. Since my family moved from the family home base of Iona Idaho my kids had limited contact with their maternal grandfather. There are of course many extenuating circumstances for this isolation much of which I don't understand how do I care to understand. But many of the Olsens know I have contact with my children. So it was only natural that members of the Olson family notified me of Ron's passing and asked for contact information to my son and daughter. I felt more comfortable just notifying the kids via social networking I. E. Facebook. I know there are ways to do this that will only inform the readers you want to read a specific post. But I'm lazy and basically put it out on my regular Facebook account. Of course many of my people responded as if I lost somebody very very close like a father. Indeed, I've enjoyed the paternal some relationship with a man but his passing, though sad, was more of an interest then a loss to me and even less to one of my kids to is fairly well estranged from the rest of her family-- those are my thoughts and my long-- I hope I've got this right. Anyway, they know and if they want to respond/act accordingly I'm sure there will. We were just not close on that level. So I have had to post some history of my relationship with Ron Olsen in doing so sure brings back a rush of memories: good bad or indifferent.

What I remember most of Ron Olson was of his support of me and my family during the challenging time of our lives. He gave what he could, living long distance from us. I was always impressed. Ron was a navigator on a bomber during World War II, he actually taught navigation and later taught school all those days allowing him the most control of his life. Ron was the inventor, thinker and a downright friendly fellow. My favorite expression of Ron's was “ he always got a have a good Catholic friend”. I don't know why he said this except he must've met a couple friends of ours in an earlier marriage who were Catholic and really our only friends at the time. But it always made sense. Farewell Ron, thanks for your support and acceptance over the years and taking interest in my children as you have.

I Did Good!

Blog August 14, 2013

By routine these days consists of all day Mondays at 211 which means I leave the house before 630 in the morning roll up to Starbucks and get my coffee and catch the bus to the train. Then on Tuesday Wednesday and Fridays I have over at Wellness, where I do my physical workout. This takes all afternoon, actually Wellness takes just over an hour from 3 to 4. The rest of the time I spent in transit which is okay it's just a long afternoon. I still have a great deal of time in which. I could do good. It shouldn't be so hard to do this but it is. But, sometimes the opportunity just falls in your lap and that is the best..

Yesterday, Dianne drove me to the train station. This not only helps me save a great deal of time but this also helps save about 10% or more of my battery that I can use in my power chair. So, yesterday as I was downloading from the Van and starting to drive off to the train Dianne called me back and when I got back to the Van Dianne was speaking to a young Asian woman who seemed to distress. It seems so young woman mistook our vehicle for courtesy van from the hotel she is staying. It took us a few minutes to bridge the language barrier before he finally realized she needed a van or needed transportation back to her hotel. We of course offered transportation but she refused rather adamantly. So, we doubt the number on the hotel card she had and spoke to the manager and her behalf. It took a few minutes to strong-arm the guy to dispatch a vehicle for her but he did.

I sent Dianne on her way because there was little she could do just hanging around. I sensed the Asian woman did not want to communicate a whole lot. She just wandered off to another part of the parking area and waited. There is some concern about where the manager thought she would be when he arrived. So I figured it would be best for me to hang around just in case she needed to use the phone again. I needed to get to my agenda but I had time, and even if I didn't it wouldn't matter if I was late to the workout. I would still be able to give my full workout in. I know if the situation had been reversed I would've wanted someone to wait with me on a hot afternoon in a foreign land.so I did something good in the world that day. It didn't take a lot of thinking and it did not take a whole lot of sacrifice just a little time. But this is one of those junctures in life where a conscious decision was made to be made. I could've felt my life and my time is so important that I didn't have time for this last person. It felt good to done something I felt was good.

Floor 13

I volunteer/work usually when one day a week, sometimes more, at 211 in Salt Lake City. Now, 211 is part of United Way of greater Salt Lake which is cool ( is going to be a whole blog posting on United Way and 211). United Way of the greater Salt Lake area is located in building called 257 because is located at 257 East and second South and Salt Lake. The building is small by skyscraper standards but in the Cowtown Salt Lake where there are larger buildings or taller buildings 257 stands out on the city's young skyline particularly on Eastside where tall buildings have been kept at a minimum, which I'm sure is an interest in story/posting all by itself. Anyway, 257 has 13 floors.

When I came on board 211 the Federal Bureau of Investigation , FBI, had the complete 13^th floor. I believe I've actually written a little about this in a previous blog. I love the fact that I worked in the same building as the FBI. The FBI goons were ghosts, they must've had their own parking level and entryways because you hardly ever saw round building. Every once in a while you would see I spook and know it was a spook but for the most part you knew they were therev but you never saw them. Shortly after I went to work at 211 I actually took the elevator up there. It was pretty secure and you could not get past plateglass window and really had have good reason to be there there was a note that said so on the front door. So I was dismayed when I learned the FBI was leaving the building and moving on to West Valley. Somehow made sense but still I knew I would miss the fact that I worked in the same building as federal agents.

Late winter or early spring, the Bureau packed their bags and left. I gave them a week then started going up there to the 13^th floor when I would get to work and see what was going on. It was amazing to look to me like a large part of the 13^th floor had been a storage area for data, it was some sort of new cyber form racks and racks and racks of of railing which hosted computer servers. Wow! The next week I went out and everything was gone, totally gone like a movie: one day there the next day gone. I was intrigued with the size of the 13^th floor, just how much space the agency used. I started going up usually at least one day a week and rolling around 13^th floor looking down on Salt Lake City it was pretty cool.

I was amazed when speaking to other folks at 211 or United Way, over lunch, just how many people had never gone to the 13^th floor. People just don't do this, go out of their way to explore their own environment. This is sad. I mean the 13^th floor was the expense coming people could actually run the circumference of the floor and have a fairly decent track. I know there's a shower in the building because some people who ride their bikes to work shower before they go to work after arriving in the mornings. So runners could actually really utilize the 13^th floor. I like to view, I like the quiet of the floor and I'm surprised that all the time I've been up there I've never seen another living soul. I've become somewhat of an evangelist trying to get folks to see the 13^th floor before it's gone. One day I know when I hit 13 on the elevator number pad it will be either blocked out our open up to a construction site where floor 13 will be being rebirth into something new and most likely a place where I will not be welcome. But for now I have a secret affair with floor 13 in Building 257

All Grown Up

Last night Dianne and I had an actual date. We actually went out in the evening to a screening of the film I heard promoted earlier in the week on local public access channel, KU ER. It was a documentary titled Room 237 a artsy study of Stanley Kubrick's classic The Shining. Yesterday, was my regular workout day at Wellness so we decided that Dianne would drive into the city and pick me up after my workout and we would find somewhere for dinner. This is a typical of what we've been sort of locked into and I have to admit I was excited to get out and play the cool scene for a bit. I was a bit tired even though I had a light workout. I had sort of overexert at myself day before and I was still paying the price. I was also a little concerned that I would be so tired by that point in the day to sleep through the presentation. Fortunately, if that were to happen the loss would be minimal since the price of the movie was free.

We thought it was wise to go directly to the Rose Wagner center, where the movie was being screened, get a parking space and find something downtown for dinner. We ended up settling for Squatters Pub. Squatters is okay, a little trendy but it's a brewpub pretty laid back, lots of T-shirts, tank tops casual dress. A lot of people trying to be seen in just the right settings. Squatters food is okay, I had the Alaskan halibut dinner is pretty happy with it, is probably more grace than I needed but this was a night out and it was fun ordering like grown-ups. The biggest reason for the choice of restaurant is that squatters is essentially across the street from the Rose Wagner center..

I guess you'd say” the Rose Wagner” this is a beautiful facility. I've been in a place the number of times and it's nice but a little deceptive. It's one of those places that is 99% successful. It's not apparent what is not accessible to start living in the building. It's a public building and accessible in general but there were no power doors and they're pretty heavy. But for the most part the person wheelchair does pretty good. The wheelchair seating is a little rough: they basically just yanked a seat out so you end up sitting next to your date kind of. The dates on one level you're on another pretty much but I guess it's better than nothing and it could be better but you never think about it tell you there then space and the moment you leave. This what is not acceptable however is the fact the stalls in the men's bathroom atst has some issues. Like most bathroom stalls the door opens in which always drives me crazy. What happened last night was I got into the stall shut the door behind me and pushed the latch shut and did my business. When it was time to leave there was no way I could open the door. There is nothing to hold on to the old door back, which is what you have to do to get out of the stall. I didn't panic which is good but I was a bit frustrated. Luckily, I had my bungee cord was able slighted between the door and the jam turn the bungee cord and yank it towards being with enough force that it did open. This I also tried moving my feet under the door and tells my chair backs of my toes caught the door and then moved the chair back and that open the door as well. Clearly the door is a challenge for anyone with limited hand function. We made notes to that effect on our survey we are going to submit to the Rose Wagner and hopefully someone will do something about it. It's a little thing, more of an annoyance than anything else is just another example that folks with disabilities can never rest, can never let their guards down or they are out in the cold. Now I have to make sure that the Rose Whitener gets my problem letter and then I will have to follow up to make sure they do something about it. It's just a pain in the hands and why do I have to do it, I am sure there are other Crips going to this place all the time while they do it?

This aside from being momentarily trapped in the bathroom be had a great time. Granted it was late by the time the documentary ended and they had open discussion it was time for this geezer to go to bed so we left. But it was fun being out with Dianne,on a summer s night… All grown up.  

Dark Days

I'm not sure what is happening right now I'm feeling anxious, maybe even depressed I am hoping these feelings are situational brought about by what I don't know but I suspect, strongly that my skin is breaking down again which is wearing me down. I just can't seem to get these issues resolved. Cushions, at least the questions I have been trying do not seem to work. Skin breakdown I am anticipating a reoccurring, I suspect in many cases never really quite healing. The site of the irritations are at a place on my right hip that is just too hard to combat but we are combating as well as we can. Dianne.has been doing a heroines job as far as managing the trauma side as well as possible. But I suspect if I continue my lifestyle as is just continue to wear out my butt and I suspect that's what I'm going to have to do. I just feel this might be a major depression generator and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I sure as hell don't want to be on some sort of drug regimen but maybe if that's what it takes that's what I have to do.

I mean let me look on the bright side. Right now the wounds are closed they just caution flags. I need to be proactive to be on top of these – – excuse the pun – –. In Dianne's rightwe can heal skin breakdown if need be. We have done before and hopefully we can do it again… If need be. I hate to be so morose but these all seem to be signs of the end of things. You know? “The guy struggled the last of his days trying to get on top of whatever demon or physical challenge he had which eventually took him out.” The silver lining to this great clout is that he had” X” amount of days, months, years or whatever before his eventual end. So I should be happy, I need to look at it this way and get away from this dark and dismal feeling I am experiencing. I don't know if I can do it… Maybe if I get some rest and get some sleep or whatever I can climb out of this hole.

Another option I have refused to consider for a number of reasons is going to Roho cushion, and air support cushion. Perhaps it is now time to consider this option. The cushions I have been using just aren't cutting it and I kind of suspect that the cushion is doing more damage than is helping. I just don't know if I can live on this kind of cushion but I have to give it a shot. Hopefully the right choices will be made and I will be able to continue on with my lifestyle albeit modified.

A change of cushion, less time up in hyper-vigilance of the wound sites and encouraged to do whatever has to be done to continue forward  

Summer Slipping Away

It's Tuesday, Tuesday morning and I'm just about ready to get dressed and head out the door for my Wellness programs-- that project I'm involved in and trying to rebuild my body and gain the muscle, skills and well enjoy the rest of my life. I have become a real believer in the Wellness program. I go three days a week, I'd go more if I thought attending more Wellness sessions would help me become leaner and more able. But, it has been determined that three days is all I need and it sounds okay. Wellness has almost become a full-time occupation with me and at first I thought this was wrong, how can I focus so much time just on myself? As I've written in the past I end up spending about four hours at least going into and coming back from my one-hour wellness session. You know what? That's okay I think I'm worth it-- the time being focused on myself, bettering myself, making myself literally stronger and better able to take care of myself. I have to be careful however, in that I do not become more self absorbed that I actually am lose my focus, my fellow man. I have been a little better this last week and better responding to people around me that might need recognition for myself are more attention than I've been giving people. I have a ways to go before I am Gandhi but every journey starts with a single step. The summer is dwindling I can feel it, perhaps it's the shorter days, or the fact that the heat, the summer heat is changing to fall heat which is altogether different. I mean you may have a day in late August 90° and feels totally different than July 90° weather and I don't know if it's the heat of the day that never really leaves even at night but that the heat lingers all through the day and most of the night. Now when I go to bed in the evening I feel the coolness of the night, the heat of the day has evaporated, and gone away, it's cool and I pulled the covers up around my noseto keep warm slip off into slumber. Unlike the heat of summer that fills the complete darkness of the night and just hangs there forcing me to sleep nude with no covers until the coolness of early morning summer slides in for just a moment for the heat builds in the new day. That's gone now the backbone summer has been broken and fall creeps in on little cat feet. I'm kind of excited about this week. I have agreed to go into 211 this Thursday and Friday morning to cover Gloria's shift since she will be out of town for the wedding. This will give me up and out the last two days the workweek for half a day. This is great getting up early, training and the city, spend a half-day and leaving noonish and having the rest of the day at my disposal. So, I got a go. I've trains to catch people to see and machines to turn today is Wellness and I am indeed, well.

Happy Birthday Big Bro

Today is my brother’s birthday, he is five years older then I am, and I guess he is the closest  to me as a family member—I don’t mean this disparagingly it’s just he is the family member I know best because I grew up with him-Ross was always there, good or bad.  Many times I must admit living with Ross was challenging if not dangerous. I was the little brother and as the little brother I was the target for everything. I was always frightened, it seemed. My brother knew all my buttons and pushed them all especially after dark.  We had bunk beds, he was on the top bunk and I was on the bottom and all he would have to do is ask if I just heard that voice—that is all I needed to set me off for the remainder of the night. Voices, in the dark, in my room from the other side of wall. I was on Ross’s motorcycle when I had my accident, the one which I broke my neck. I doubt he ever really forgave me for that but we got along.  He was out of the city when I cracked up, the reason I was on his cycle. My bike was just too small and I had figured out a way to break into the ignition of his cycle and I was on  my way. Ross served in the Marine Corp during the Viet Nam thing, he saw lots of service, did two tours maybe more and came back to a quiet life, staying beneath the radar, working quietly and being a model  citizen.   Ross hunts, he hunts a lot. He is good at it.  He is s survivor, quiet and steady. I am sure Ross will be around long after every one else has left it’s  just the way it is. Ross is a loner, running silent, running deep and I have to  allow him his freedom to be who he is. I have never professed to understand him and I never well and that is the way it should be. I have been surprised as how sensitive a person my brother is. I think he cries, though I have never seen this—I think he has been hurt deeply, probably by me but I doubt that. I think the damage had been done long before he knew me—so I can forgive, I have to forgive because he had to live with me at the same time I was living with him and I can not throw any stones. Regardless, we survived each other, we are family and I’m glad…happy birthday big bro.

Dylan

Gate to concert

On Thursday we actually went to a concert, more specifically a Bob Dylan concert that was held at the USANA pavilion out and west valley. We have not been to too many concerts and we were not quite sure what to expect. The gates open at 430 and supposedly the concert started at 530. We sure did not want to have to stand a long line so we went pretty early. We got to the concert venue at about 330. Nothing was open the only people there were staff and everything was locked up tight. The day was hot luckily there was significant cloud cover and the winds were breezy which the tolerable.

Finally staff began showing up and a little after 4:30 PM we were granted admission to the park. Of course we could not bring anything into the park foodwise or whenever and everything there was priced out of reality but to pay for what you need. We end up buying one bottle of water and refill the bottle numerous times throughout the concert. Dianne had gotten us the VIP seating and it was great we had a huge space all to ourselves and easy access to the food courts and water fountains. I think if we ever do a another concert we will do VIP seating.

The crowds are pitiful. It's sad when the star performer is in the sunset, relegated to podunk America venues like USANA. The performer must know there's the end of the line, well maybe not at the end: there's always cruises, state and county fairs and birthday parties. I was part of this crowd no kidding, but I was not part of that group who was trying to show the world they're still hip to the jive, it's a sad.

The warm up bands started promptly at 5:30 PM and they played and played and played. The bands were loud, raucous and somewhat entertaining. They were definitely second rate and that is the way it should be, never be better than the starring attraction. We suffer through and finally at 9:45 Bob Dylan took the stage. He was OK but not the Dylan I remember. He played only as new music except for one or two of his old songs and not the ones I want to hear. I cannot fault them answer that I'm sure he wants to feel he's breaking new ground and the music that's not what I really paid for. We got through it the last the venue about 11:30 PM a long day and long night. We had a good time Dianne and myself, out all by ourselves at a rock concert in podunk Utah. 

Lazy Saturday

Stayed up too late last night watching redbox movies--now have to get dressed and return DVDs to kiosk up on the corner. I should be doing more with my weekend but alass love being home and hang out...I have to make a long post later today or tomorrow to catch you up on my week. The week was fun.

This was the venue for the Bob Dylan concert we attended on Thursday. We went extra early and waited for the concrt to fill and eventually begin--hot but great clouds and a stiff wind kept  us cool--what a fun day.