End Of The Month

It's 519 in the afternoon of Saturday the 28^th day of February, the last day of February. March starts tomorrow the hope comes like a lion with great winds, fierce clouds all the energy it needs to chase away this chilly but wimpy winter. And actually really doing is sitting here waiting for my 8 o'clock healthcare provider to show up pull me out of my wheelchair strip me naked, deposit suppository and wait for it to do its business which means for me to do my business after which I'll be thrown to bed. This will all be done in less than an hour because that's what I paid for one hour for this person to throw me to bed. What's weird is how easy I have access accepted this. Being handled this way. Actually, I'm really lucky mean I think I can afford this… I'm not really sure yet this is the first month will see how it goes. I am really hoping and praying that my left side will return in strength and allow me to take over these ADLs( activities of daily living). I really think I could do this. Beginning next month in March I shall begin outpatient therapy at the sugarhouse rehab center. See these guys do incredible things while I was there as a person doing Wellness. I just hope that we do as much for me now as I am there at the patient… Unbelievable.

So far these healthcare providers have all been male, which is okay by me, believe me while I was in the hospital this last go around I was taking care by a lot of females just as long as I'm taking care of I guess that's what matters. What's weird is that I have two or three regular workers, actually for regular workers or the. Of the week. Two of them I trust pretty well timewise, yet the two are kind of question they do this thing with me present their worksheet for me to sign all folded over just so I can sign at the acts showing they were here when I have no idea what they're submitting timewise. I guess I will after the first of the month on this gigantic bill comes in. Two of these workers seem kind of lazy – – they will do what I tell them but I have to be able to tell. They don't volunteer anything I suppose that's the case when you are at the bottom of the food chain our work chain. I would hate to see these guys is records. They have interesting stories to tell: one has three houses that he manages or tries to manage, he wants to rent these properties to skiers and of course this winter there's been no snow flurries working extra hard at the agency. The other guy actually has a couple of other jobs will be driving tour buses back and forth from Wendover Nevada on the weekend. This guys interesting works part but he says he does I kind of believe him. He's just still a person who has to have three jobs to maintain his life. He works very hard. To my workers I really like and wish I had the full-time but I just get them on the weekends that's drag. I'm toying with the idea of going to another healthcare provider dropping this one. They seem just a little bit loose. I'll just have to see how much the seller provider will charge. That's where he met his life having to charge to live. I guess it's not so bad going to bed 8 clock or 9 o'clo. It's just different something difficult for me to get used to. But my wife took care of me I got great service she also got great reviews whenever we went in to see the medical practitioners. However I think that's come to an end by surfing to get some holes in my butt but just very good. Life is changing sometimes changing too fast.

Discouraging Friday

I am dying here, I feel I am literally dying… Not really. I had my health care worker this morning place me in the manual wheelchair, action my newSpace old manual wheelchair that I got from the University this last go around. The one I have had so many problems with. I thought I would give it a shot especially since it has a sculpted back and a heavy-duty fat cushion thinking that it would make My day somewhat more tolerable boy was I wrong been. And there's no assistance in sight tell my guy gets ere tonightTo get me out of this chair and ready for bed. Associated call Carl are even Mark a that matter that would take too much explaining and too much stress I think right now. I just know I'm not doing a whole lot for my ass But we well have to see. I may be rushing the submit and maybe I should be sitting in the chair for less time than I have but I thinknk it's important, That I keep pushing myself to get myself as well and healed as possible. Want to get rid of these guys and put me to bed and get me up and I want to get back on my own self sufficient Self.

Yesterday as I tried to survive in my manual chair I not computer completely off the table so this was never finished are posted. What I can tell you yesterday was we waste time except to see how I have deteriorated over this period. Today I'm dressed in clothes I ure don't want to bePlus but butt hurtsdon't like, Made a mess and bathroom need to be cleaned up they just one start over as a way to do that. Have coffee to make house to clean close the fold and somehow get through the weekend. I would like I need to make contact with physical therapy*my outpatient regimen. So the day will be busy

Mile Stones

Rachel, my speech therapist just left, seems like will not have to see her again in the area speech therapy. Happily back to swallowing anything I can catch with little fear of choking or whatever. So I can eat puddings, celery and other stringy things, meat, soups, breads just about everything I was eating before so this is a good thing. Of course, Rachel indicated she any issues arise to please contact speech therapy immediately… Speech therapy? I still can't believe how involves speech therapy was in this whole process. I mean I understand the surgeon did a number on my vocal cords and other things in that area when he pulled everything over to fuse the spinal cord or column again. I was surprised at how little pain I felt after the operation in fact I felt no pain following the operation in areas swallow. I just had trouble swallowing which I thought was weird. And seriously the liquid diet I was on for so long following the operation nearly drove me crazy no one should have to eat puréed food who is not on on a death sentence. I'm sure I could've gotten back to real food weeks before I finally did and that was only as I was processing out of the facility. What was really interesting to me was that they started doing these little mind tests for psychological tests of some sort, sort like memory tests towards the end of my stay at the hospital. Those stories they would read to you then ask you questions about individuals in activities in the story. I did not think much about this and tell I started trying to do one of my favorite pastimes which is cryptic quotes as found in the local newspaper. I really got to be quite good at cryptic quotes, solving these interesting puzzles but I found after my operation couldn't do a puzzle no matter how long I stared at the the puzzle I couldn't get the solutions that I used to relatively easily. Rachel, of course did not have much of an idea of what could be happening but gave me some ideas of what I might be able to do to increase my ability to get back to some of my problem-solving skills and I appreciated that.

I also met with my physical therapist this morning first thing. He had asked that I meet him the next time we met in my manual wheelchair quite frankly really threaten me. I am really quite shocked at how dependent I've become on my power wheelchair and of my power swing. I tried sitting in my manual chair couple weeks ago and I couldn't even stay inside the chair I slid right out fact I spent the whole day trying not to us while on the floor. But I was totally surprised to find out how easy it was to stay in my chair today so Greg, my physical therapist, worked out in my manual chair and after which he slinged me up movie to my normal power wheelchair. He left and I was a little sad because there's part of me that wanted to stay in the manual chair and write out the day hopefully they'll be days for that come. I love being able to get to the dishes which would sitting there for some time.

Some done with speech therapy, I passed another on the latter to getting better place to the point where I was a I'm not even talking about pondering the idea that one neurosurgeon gave me about fixing my hands. This guy was trained up sale believe I may have talked to my already but if not believe me I'm going to.

Last night was on Anakah's birthday, actually it was the day before you know teenagers got a grab at their own time. Anakah is 15 years older it's hard to believe you watch somebody grow you don't realize how fast life is going but there she was last night perfect young having dinner with her family and some silly little restaurant sizzlers for the fact. But we love spending time with her a little time we can find her she can find us it's all the same life is fleeting grab the time with what you love as much as she can fish never know how long you've got.

Fleeting Images Of days Gone By

The above picture was taken about 20 years ago to retake year or two. I'm sure I was in my 30s then possibly my early 30s and into the math but what's the difference at this point the point I want to make is that I want be back in that picture I want that picture to be me on that picture, be now but it's not. The image of a version of who I used to be. I don't know why I picked this image except for I felt very good in this image. I mean I could've picked an image of where I was still walking, but I was still able-bodied, when I was swimming, swing from trees and dropping canals, riding motorcycles and have the time of my life. But I did not choose those images and chose is one of me and Dianne and this picture of me holding my arms in victory. Didn't matter to me that half my body didn't work on more than half my body didnot workwhat mattered was the parts that did work worked pretty darn good and loud need to be independent, self-reliant and happy. I love to be able to be in his pitcher today two of the ticket a few hours ago. But a few hours ago I was being lifted by Benjamin, a higher guy whose job it is to get people out of their beds dressed and ready for the day or conversely undress a person, do it that person needs to have done to them and throw them to bed until the next morning. I think this is called assisted-living excuse the pun on living. I think of all the new things that this new trauma has brought to my life my reliance on the healthcare industry and more specifically the attendant care aspect of the industry has been most challenging. Having to rely on someone to come into your house take and take your clothes off wash you down and address you up. I pay these people by the hour I consider it takes me an hour to get me up in an hour to put me to bed comes out to about 50 bucks a day. This is where the biggest drives I have two get my left side working again and being able to somehow, on some level take care of myself once again. I may not be able to do this in which case I would have to rely on this forever for however long is. Wow. Unbelievable. But you know what? I'm still alive in this morning and Benjamin left after putting on my pants and getting me in the power wheelchair and watching me shave I realized that I was happy. Somehow – – probably thanks to Dianne somehow – – were pulling this off. Soon, I believe I'll be back on the bus going back and forth to outpatient therapy where I'll be working on my week left side and strengthening my body in general and hopefully just hopefully getting close to the picture up above of when I read both arms in victory of being alive and taking care of myself.

moretransition

To say that my life the past couple of months last four or five months has been transitional would be an understatement at the very very least. Again I know these posts are getting somewhat boring as I discuss the traumas I've gone through the past couple of months but I believe they have to be written down after we documented a part of my life that part of my life that is my life now whether I like it or not here I sit once again in an incredible transitional phase.

Thank God I finally transitioned out of the hospital the rehabilitation Hospital which is par University of Utah but still it is a hospital. I remember colleagues of mine was spinal cord injuries right after I came to this part of the country more specifically Southeast Idaho and they told me about the rehabilitation facility at the University of Utah. I just blew it off I figured most people had strenuous moments while in therapy and this was just more of the same. How naïve I was then and just a little bit less naïve now.

But an interesting thought came across a Facebook posting to one of my “Boo-hoo session”. This session said Buck up you've already been through this 50 years ago you did this sit in on your head so why the big issue now. Had to sit down chew on that for a little bit and you know what it's one hell of a big difference now. 50 years ago I was probably the best health of my life, I was strong I was naïve I believed I could take on the earth and all that it had to give me. I knew I was meant to live I knew I was going to live a long time I knew I was going to make a difference I just sat back and enjoyed my very own television and new shoes and whatever else was coming down the line for me. Having this trouble now is altogether different. I'm old and worn out fat by trying to fight gravity every second that I am awake. I no longer have a balance but muscles I have had deteriorated seems and I'm basically starting new. I can't even sit in my manual chair without falling over falling out. Having to relearn how to use my muscles my hands how to shave how to feed myself this sucks to be doing is at 63 or 64. Add to the fact, I could be dead at any moment just because I'm an old guy and they just die for whatever reason. I've changed the world, I've made a name, and had my kids, people are tired of me and scared everything is new now. People forget me up in the morning I don't know and people I don't know what put me to bed at night and then paying them to do it more money than I have. I'm just praying that I can get strong enough to stophaving to pay them to do everything that I used to be able to do for myself. This is really sucking. I'm even thinking of trying to get a job to help pay for this attendant care help him having a stick and eye?

Now I've just heard that a new bed is been ordered for me a bed that goes up and down which is sort of cool actually when you think about it this really may help me get me back into some sort of control over my life I sure hope so something's got a return soon are I hate to think about the consequences I really do.

So that's it for Friday in February that's relatively warm at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. I should be a static about the warm weather but all I'm worried about now is another bad going into my room making me look just that much more like a gimp.

Just One Giant Monday

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Just

The old guy back with a vengeance not He is vengeful It's more like just tired of being this disabled this long in this life.I'm sure you all noted my absence from the blog. Hasn't been intentional I've just been going through A lot of personal stuff.

First and foremost we got rid of the stenosis, at least I think we got rid of the stenosis have not heard back from anybody in particular if any authority or knowledge that the stenosis is still in the position of danger to me or my body our life. However getting rid of the stenosis is been somewhat dramatic. What they can say with any conviction is that the doctor who performed the operation was skilled to the point that he got rid of the stenosis without any significant pain to me that means a lot! Now however I am dealing with aftereffect of either stenosis that is no longer there, issues made by a stenosis is no longer there or trauma left from the removal of a stenosis. I've never felt this disabled my entire life was

thinking about why this is affecting me so previously now at this late date in my life after him gone through pretty much the same thing at a much earlier age some 50 years ago. Whatever it is is effectively now and I'm having to go through the whole regimen of the medical facilityAnd it's killing me. I am at least out of the medical facility that alone is worth its weight in gold. I have people coming to the house providing me with occupational therapy vocational therapy even speech therapy is not very consistent seems to be a bit disorganized but t's happening. M my physical therapist just left and we went through my basic exercise regimen that I have been doing up until my stenosis. I'm not working out as much and I'm under the watchful eye of a professional and that's good just that's assured and could be doing this on my own which I think I will shortly. Tomorrow I'm having a meeting with medical professionals that I've been working with and at least some decisions will be made. I just hope they are not controversial to me or other people in my life. I think of all the things that I'm using my hand bike is the best.

I'm having to use “Professionals” to get me up in the morning and to put to bed at night. So far this is been working okay it seems a little dicey little spooky but it's either that are I don't know what the in the shelter or something is and certainly don't feel wanted unless I can do something all entirely on my own. I'm scared right now but that's okay the fear is helping me recover I believe. I'm getting good support from my family, I have a great place to live a rule of my own with a nice TV and sling system that everybody seems to love as well as a and bike no one can seem to get enough of. I'm doing about 20 minutes a day and I think it's helping them begin to feel strong stronger on my left side, I can I can shave without assistance of my right hand the time and everything seems survive right again who knows in the long run.

Monday morning Monday afternoon now, I've had rehab the sun is beginning to go down things are cooling off need to turn up the heater a little bit and get ready to bring in a new guy that starting named Mark.Feels good be back on my own computer not that I dislike my tablet, I love my tablet there's just something for fulfilling about having the computer.

Starting Over

Wow, I just noticed my last entry Stenosis was way back in January! To me the last two months of been horrendous so much so I could I consider writing the blog like I should have been because there is some rich moments,poignant moments moments I could make you cry and maybe even laugh but I just couldn't do it it was happened to me was happening fast and I felt like I just want to find a whole crawl into a political past fast as I could. You know I'd had my teeth worked on the previous month and I thought I was pretty well bucked up for anything at that point time so I figured what the hell is go through this and see what this has to offer.

Sure enough I had its diagnosis that was working hard on taking me out. Every let it go to a longer I believe serious damage to depend on the second out of the back from and that's saying longer to be an come back from damage that's been done by the stenosis but we seem to a continent.This set me up an appointment with the surgeon I got this great surgeon and Larry was a really great touch

for some reason it really made me feel good. Maybe one will find is medical school professor who gave up the idea of a new talk of the person the stenosis touching a lot will make you feel better at least about the stenosis. Larry said it was a stenosis and was an operable stenosis anything and he thought it should go quite well. I knew there is going to be some pain involved I mean I did something like this 50 years ago when I broke my neck the first time and I know they pull all those throat things to one side makes a swell next hard to make a eat ice cream should like it ongoing tonsillectomy. But we did it and you know what there was another miracle I woke up from the operation and I could talk and I was in no pain seriously no mother love and pain! I don't know what happened maybe the pain God I just jumped over me that dayand there I was smiling and happy as a clam. I would've gone home all right then they given me my clothes back. Ut there is still a host of things to look at my side was still quite weak from the trauma the stenosis had performed on it so I was going to have to work on it that would be through rehab plus speech and hearing were going to keep a track of my throat to make sure I learned how to swallow again pledges could eat anything I had to eat what they fed me how they fed me when they fed me it was sick. For three weeks I was on a liquid diet that is depressing and then minute booby from the liquid diet they had me on a purée diet that was depressing the food looks like all different colors of poop to the call that 50 shades of poop they be pretty darn close to it. It's not the food wasn't that bad since that was all puréed and it didn't really taste like what it was supposed to taste like. I finally found I could tolerate macaroni and cheese – – – and what could you do a macaroni and cheese! But for a carrots, green peas, corn about an slabs of possible color of the once viable vegetable ground-up and informed them it is a disgusting pieces of protein. I should've read more but it is much as I could. Five started getting milkshakes at Arabia that helped they fed us a lot of ensure SLI might find them hoping the bed and I spend a lot of my time pooping in the bed they seem to like that. Cleanup, cleanup the first week and a halfk I felt pretty good like a lot top of the world that is \ rounds every morning and got to know when the docs pretty good I called him's duly could have victory just like Stewie on family Guy.there a lot of residents and young docs run around feeling important and I had to really put the pressure on these people to get me out of bed every morning by 7 o'clock so I can be somewhat shaved and ready for my day which usually start around 830 or nine after the goop decided after breakfast came left.but in the third week everything started getting serious and that waspisser had to start making decisions of what I was going to do following whatever happened at the hospital. Was I going to go home, was I going to go to a skiff, who knows sure made me want to crawl in bed cover my head. Even had a family meeting at one time which are sort of chaotic and how much good came of it is certainly an experience Dianne was able to pull together a lot of the stop loudest of Deborah S she had been she saved my lifeto save my lifetime good she kicked ass and take names. I'm home now I'm trying to live the gimp arm, more give than it's ever been before in a gimped bed trying to use a sling master getting out of bed out in our chairs get some source showering and covering getting dressed. We've engaged in some private companies that do this and so far had pretty good work in a fairly decent priceand we don't know how long I can go on. I have to be up to get back back in the saddle back in the sling and take care of myself being the man that I can be.

I think the surgery took part the last part of January because my brother Ross had cancer surgery in February so it's now the 12^th and I'm back onlinetrying to get my life taking care of and do it now I can do. I apologize at the beginning of this I think the next couple days most of my blogs ago to be regarded about this past event in my life so bear with me or find another channel thanks for all you guysI appreciate his hands