It's Not About Me

It's been really hard for me to find time in well to write a post that's why the month is a third over and this is the first posting for October. We're in the midst of a divorce! I guess I should not be surprised but I guess I am. Dianne is just had too much. Or has not had Enough love and support. This last 18 months has been just too much.. The surgeries, extended stay at the SNF and the drain on the financial accounts. There's also the issue of my destruction of the house. She sees the whole 20 years as a waste of me using her not getting anything back in return. But I am not going to say much more at this juncture and try to just get on with getting on.

Dianne feels a lot of this breakup is divine intervention… I don't know if I can accept that but things sure seem to be falling into Place Strangely so. I was able to use of my connections with Utah Non-Profit Corporation.. I was pleased and amazed to find they had a wheelchair accessible unit open and available in seeming to make sure that I had a place. I think I should be able to move in and about a week which would be just about the time Dianne and family will be getting back from California. Now I'm having to begin the process of paring down – – getting rid of my life as I know it. And actually I'm not feeling the angst that I thought that I would.. I think am actually looking forward to getting rid of a lot of this stuff going forward with as little as possible.

The place I'm going this senior housing which is kind of weird. There are a lot of blue haired ladies and old forts with white Shoes. I wish there were more for my age but I'll have to range find those guys. I have access to two fairly decent bus routes one which takes me directly to the Buffmire Center, Where I have outlined in my meetings.. I will have to spend a lot of time on a bus but that is okay. I'm toying with the idea of keeping the van to have other people drive me around but maybe I need to let that go too.

I'm scared, not as much now as I was, but I'm still spooked and being on my own again.. At being on my own at this point in my life. I really have appreciated and depended on Dianne over the decades.. She is so smart and so good at research I really benefited from my association with this woman.. I wish I had been better able to express my love to her. But she is committed to being out and I have to respect for desire it's not about me.