Today is the first day of spring or
rather Spring starts today I'm so pleased to meet through another
season especially a winter. Even though this winter did not have the
snow and other moisture issues I deal with a difficult season it was
a very difficult season for me. I had the issue with the stenosis
then the surgery and now the rehabilitation. Perhaps the most stressing issue I've encountered has been my loss of independence. I've lost my ability to get up in the morning and go to bed independently which includes taking a bath and taking a dump. Dressing and even pushing a manual wheelchairs seemed beyond the question right now. Because I cannot transfer independently once I'm in a wheelchair for the day that's where I'm staying unless I can figure out a way to jump to another chair. I would love to be able to do this is not happening right now.
The upside is the
rehabilitation seems to be having a positive impact downside is the
cost of living with this Disability is crucifying us. It is so trite
to say money our finances wrecked their wedding are their marriage
but I can see how that is possible. Even now we have to make a
conscious focused effort to say that we will continue on as a couple
while struggling under the burden of my disability and what I need to
survive. Need to make some sort of money or increase my contribution
into the pot.
But spring like Monday mornings brings
new hope to me. I hope I can make it through this season and into my
joyous season of summer. Now I just keep my body together enough that
could happen. I mean to enjoy summer hot temperatures is little
closer possible. I really do believe my nude sunbathing helps mellow
way around. However, not being able to undress myself may put a dent
in some of that behavior. But we'll see – – I've noted with some
dismay how little time I have myself nude anymore. Since I no longer
bathed myself and since I have two have some undress me and undress
me I have very little time for just me and myself and I find I miss
that odd as it is. Yet, another goal to strive for in my quest for
reacquisition of independence.
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