I'm going to die! I wish this were not
the case but I'm having to come to grips with the idea of my evitable
end On this last marble. Oh let me put your minds to rest, I don't
have cancer, at least not that I am aware of right this minute, and
have not done the MRI that we spoke of yet which may or may not have
some liked to timing but the fact that I'm 64 and and questionable
health is making me consider true end-of-life scenarios.
I cannot believe how typical I am of
the baby boomers. I'm essentially poor, I'm thankful for health plan
that I have but It's a pretty dismal The plan really leaves me the
lurches in the number of ways. We are caught in the feeling of
circling the drain of our current style of living. Just one pick up
medical or Otherwise we would be down the drain. So we are living one
day to the next hoping for the best.
When we met with my neurosurgeon last
week speaking of the remaining stenosis and what happened what could
happen when he tries to remove stenosis you actually said I could die
from the operation, if the operation is warranted. He did not say to
get my life in order our anything as dramatic but I got the message.
In fact the past couple of years Dianne and I talked about how he
want to and for each of us to play out If and when The dark Moment
comes. I have even considered writing my obituary just so no one else
will have to deal with that issue. I assume that writing some other
person's obituary is always a drag or at least it would seem to be.
If the person's death was not scheduled and an obituary is not
written someone has to make something up pretty fast and I've seen
some of those obituaries and they are not pretty. So writing one's
own second allows you to exercise your creativity at fiction more
important have some degree of control into the process and how you'll
be considered in the end.
I do not have the time or the
inclination at this point to discuss my conversion from a burial to
cremation Let's just say been a long time coming And though I'm not
completely comfortable with the concept of being incinerated I no
longer feel that burial in the ground is the only way out. It must
have been a large part of the decision has been based on cost which
is not cheap and how rude and crude the whole concept is when one
thinks about Ground burial.
So I'm thinking “why not?” After I
made this acceptance I started thinking about where I would want my
ashes spread. Truth be told that many places left I would want to be
spread. The little farm I was brought up on as long since been
dissected into smaller homes. The “cabin” my brother and two
friends used to hang around as kids I'm sure has also been co-opted
some sort of river bottom estates which is a shame And two half acres
which is to be desert property of my families as long as so and I'm
sure also been gentrified.. So I've contemplated what was left:
there's the Boise River By the islands were used to hang out as kids
and again I think like our It is co-opted by rich people. It seems
like such a waste dump my ashes in the river just because it's the
river. I'm thinking which might be a good place might be table rock.
Table rock had a quarry at its rear and rises up ove Boise city And
I think well stand there for the next thousand years at least.
There's a regular housing that has taken over Table rock but I'm
hoping the quarry still remains and if so can I get someone that is
indeed there? I think that's the place. Of the four of us to enjoy
that area one has cancer, one has Parkinson's getting close to the
end stage and one is my friend John who to my knowledge has no
significant health issues aside from aging. Have not yet talked to
about this idea and whether or not he would even go through with it.
We were relatively close growing up to adolescents and then went our
ways but we'll have to see. We'll have to see.
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