G L O R I A

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I woke rather late this morning almost 7 AM! That's great actually the first time this week or last week now that I actually got enough sleep that I didn't feel groggy when I woke. But I was surprised to see that the sky was overcast. There were clouds. Dense clouds the kind of clouds which promise moisture. I laid there in bed sometime , I can do that on Sunday mornings. I have no meetings nor do I have staff coming in to help me do my program. I thought about waking up to clouds and how much I missed files the last couple of months. I hope it rains soon.

The clouds reminded me of Gloria, a friend of mine, a fellow employee when I worked at Salt Lake United Way 211. Gloria was the same pod as me. Gloria was a graduate student I believe from school social work. She was kind of mysterious but very friendly to me which I appreciated. Gloria was smart, you could tell she was smart in that way you can tell a person smart buy just the way they conduct themselves. Gloria loved the rain she love storms, Gloria loved stormy nights with great winds and monstrous lightning flashes the bigger the better. While I worked at 211 we never had enough storms to satisfy Gloria. So now anytime there's the possibility of stormy weather I think of Gloria.

Gloria is very Hispanic, she of course is one of the English/Spanish speaking operators on the 211 staff. I have never asked Gloria about her politics but I'm convinced that Gloria is a Marxist is not she should be. What little bit I understand of Marxism I doubt that I am a very good representative. I do however worked very hard to make sure the minorities and low-income get a fair shake. More than once that I have knockdown drag out discussions with callers on the phones at 211 sticking up for the lower classes. I got in trouble more than once instructing folks who had called in with problems either with their rent or with medical issues or in some cases disability issues since I was the “disability guide” on staff. Gloria, was in the cubicle directly on the other side of mine and she often heard my conversations. Gloria always encouraged me forward. Gloria is totally down to earth, she does not wear fatigues but she does choose to wear the uniform of the student, lots of flannel and denim, flip-flops for summer and old Converse All-Stars during the cold weather. Gloria has had her Masters degree sometime now her wardrobe might be different now. However, earlier this summer I had lunch with my old staff from 211 and the girl looked laid back as ever. There were three or four staff at 211 I really enjoyed while I worked there.

There's a building in downtown Salt Lake that has a giant image of the Madonna. It's a beautiful rendition was even more remarkable is that I think it looks exactly like Gloria from 211. I really thought she could have been the model and I asked her as much. Gloria just blushed and said no it was not her then laughed at me and punched me in the arm as Gloria does. I still think she's the secret model for the Salt Lake Madonna and if she's not she should be.

Saturday Today

I'm tired tonight almost to the point of not doing the blog but I've got to do the blog. I almost posted this morning soon after I had gotten up and was getting into my day however I felt compelled to get my washing into the laundry, then it was breakfast. I made garbrock today, my semi famous recipe which by any other name would be corned beef hash but I have the twists of broccoli, onions and celery and of course garlic in the mix. This is such a pitiful breakfast/dish but I love it. I must eat my garboc sparingly I'm sure the dish is loaded with calories. Potatoes and canned meat what could be more lethal weight wise? By the time I finished breakfast, running the wash through the dryer twice and then doing my time on my arm bike working out 30 minutes one thing led to the other and now in force myself to write this post essentially of my days events.

I don't know why but I'm not sleeping very well actually I sleep okay once I get to bed but then I'm waking up during the night. Many times in the dead of night and I have to use the restroom and even after, if I'm fortunate, get back to sleep I awake again well before 6 AM the time I get up if I can't sleep. If I go to bed early than them up very early. So I try to get to bed by 11 PM which generally wakes me up around 3 AM to 3:30 AM which I doze until six when I allow myself to rise and get on with my day. The major problem with this is that I'm in that “fog” sleep and in the evening. I find it difficult to be creative at this evening hour.

I almost went to the movies this afternoon. I cranked my bike very early so I knew I had the time to get in a matinee but when I checked was playing I was totally bummed with the possibility of one Marvel of offering there is absolutely nothing playing at the Regal where I go for my movies. I'm spending too much time doing cryptograms. I like to believe that I'm being productive and providing a good workout for my brain but I think I'm just passing time which kind of spooks me. I'm even playing the one and only video game more than I should. If I were in adolescent I would expect my parents to be yelling at me for wasting my time on cryptograms. I suppose the most productive thing I've done today besides my laundry was going over to food bank and getting my weekly ration. I just love this exercise. The ladies love me. Today I not only got frozen lasagna I also got another high-end steak. Distinctive courses frozen I threw it in the freezer but now I have two really nice cuts of meat that I would never purchase even when I'm flush. I thawed out the split chicken breast I got last week from the food bank. I'm going to use the fried breasts to cut up into smaller pieces for Frank. I cannot believe how much food I've gotten from food bank. I still think I get a lot of crap, caloric crap but the protein against as well as qualify fresh vegetables/fruits I cannot not visit the food bank every Saturday.

The winds picked up today as a cold front moves through, no rain but wind and clouds, temperature and high 80s with the promise of change. Supposedly will get rain by the middle or end of next week. I heard from either family today. I'm meeting my older brother and a half sib for lunch on Thursday… It's supposed to rain.

Throwing Stones

One of my favorite scriptures from the Bible is “he that is without sin let him cast the first stone” this is a fairly accurate quotation from John chapter 8 v 7. I like the verse because it captures everyone at one point or another in their lives. I had to reflect back on the Scripture yesterday and hold my tongue as I rolled into the library and saw Jason at the checkout counter going over his weekly cache of DVDs. Seeing Jason at the checkout counter was not a surprise what was was seen Kelli , his staff, Jason's DEAD standing right behind him! I was surprised and not surprised at the same time. Granted, I totally bought Jason's story last week but the at the same time seeing a very much alive Kelli did not really surprised me either. I was glad to see Kelli and commented on healthy appearance for a dead person. I told her what had happened and she pretty much laughed it off. I don't think she really believed me it was only after Rikki on the other office staff recounted the same story did Kellie begin to believe our stories. Kelli actually kind of supported Jason as the prankster he must be by reminding us that she had indicated two weeks before that she would not be at last week's reading. And then I remembered that was true.

I was kind of surprised that I was not more upset with Jason. Even if I have not been reminded that Kelli was not going to be at last week's meeting. Jason is kind of had a hard time integrating with this group and I am pleased with how well he seems to have taken to reading. I think Jason's reading increased reading ability has been one of the most pronounced of the groups.

Some 50 years ago I was an adolescent with a spinal cord injury, a new spinal cord injury, trying to live and integrate back into my community. It was bad enough being a teenager, a teenager without a job, a teenager who was quadriplegic living in a rural community. I did not have a way to earn money therefore any money that I did have I got from parents. It was during this era of my life that I came across the idea to send a letter to each of my siblings who were older than I of which they were four who I felt could send me some money. I fabricated a great story (easily seen through by my siblings) about having cancer. I wrote the letter as if my parents had written the letter asking that anything they could spare be sent to me directly. Of course, first thing that the older sisters did was contact the folks and the story. I think one sister sent the dollar to help me with my life as a fiction writer. Nothing really happens to me following this incident except that I was more than a little embarrassed of my charade. Really did make me kind of a jerk. But maybe that's what I thought about Jason. I don't know why Jason fabricated the story but he did and yes, the kind of makes him a jerk. But who am I to throw stones?

Every Body Must Get Stoned

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It took me forever to realize that the name of this song was Rainy Day Woman and not Everyone Must Get Stoned. Bob Dylan is not one of my super favorite writers/performers, but he certainly up there at the top. Bob is one of my favorite links to the past the glorious music of the 60s. When I think of rainy Day women I think of somebody out there having to work their butts off just to get by, All the girls/women out there are working hard for their money.

I kind of feel like I'm getting on top of my finances a little bit following this summer's financial hemorrhaging. The rejuvenation of the wheelchair van, paying off the emergency dental I had done last year and a couple of surprise payouts I had to cope with. I did run up by credit card debt a little bit, right now, I'm okay with where my credit card debt is at I just need to bring it in under control, like everyone else. The apartments okay it's not at 1 yet as far as entropy goes I'm feeling I need to get my clean person back online and put some attention to the apartment. It's been nearly a month since she was last at my place and I was about ready to call and schedule an appointment for her to drop by when I received a text message from her. I figured she was going to tell me what days should be available next week for her to drop by for a couple hours and imagine my surprise when she told me she was going to have to quit being my cleaning person. I knew she is p plagued with health and many times she is having cancel a cleaning date because of a flareup with her fibromyalgia/Crohn's disease. However, because of some stressful issues happening in her life causing her disability flareup she could no longer meet my needs.

Needless to say this is going to cost me stress but not very much. I'm just going to have to take minute and ask around and see what I can find. I kind of put the idea on the “back burner” and was living my life this morning and I had just started my bowel program and started grousing about having to find a new cleaning person to Dana, my home health staff. I talked about Dana a couple times she's great. I've mentioned that she is really my only staff who actually done cleaning while I was going through my bowel program. I was impressed. I really wasn't trying but was pleased when Dana suggested that possibly I could hire her (under the table). I of course jumped on the suggestion. Hopefully, Dana can start this coming Monday. I plan to purchase two hours. Maybe, two hours the first of the month and another to halfway through. That would basically be $80 a month. I think I can do that is not I know I can do $40 a month. I have some trepidation. I hope I can manage Dana effectively and not get screwed. Dana's always been a straight shooter, a bit of an eccentric that's why we get along so well I just hope everything does not change. The only thing now which concerns me is what do I do with Cindy and she comes back. That's a bridge I will cross when I get to it…

Do Gooder... Not Me!!

I am not a do-gooder! I am not altruistic at least I do not believe I am altruistic not that there's anything wrong with being altruistic being altruistic is just not me. Having said that however I do care about folks in my life… Kinda. Remember my post from last week? I wrote about my little toenail which has been growing out of control and finally got nearly ripped off by putting on my shoe. I went upstairs and had my friend Steve the retired surgical nurse but a dressing on my total stop the pain and protect the little toe from any further trauma. Steve is actually in the apartment directly above my apartment. I like these apartments they really took care to insulate one unit from the other so I don't hear much which goes on above me or to the unit on my side. I really only know that Steve is there when I hear Steve flush his toilet. When Stephen flushes it sounds like a jet engine taking off.

I worry about this guy. He is very old, even older than I! Stephen is tall and lanky (is that redundant?) In fact he's a bit teetery. However, Stephen still holds a drivers license and he does have a vehicle. He drives though I've never seen this but I believe him. I've noticed lately when in his apartment Stephen tends to use a manual wheelchair for mobility just to be on the safe side. I can appreciate that. This weekend as I was going through my DVD collection I noticed I had duplicates of Jason Bourne movies, the Bourne Identity and the Bourne Supremacy. I don't know, I went through a period of time that if I didn't I cannot find a movie I would order another off Amazon or by happen to see a movie I like in the DVD discount barrel for less than five bucks I will buy the DVD on principle just to make sure I have access to the DVD should I need. I knew that one time Stephen had indicated you like political thrillers/spy type novels. I figured I can dump these off with Stephen make some space on my DVD shelf and end up looking like a good guy. (Call this altruistic if you like but clearly I was doing the giving for my own benefit) I was a little chagrined when Stephen indicated he only had both titles. Oh well, I tried.

When I did not hear the toilet flush or here Stephen scrabbling around upstairs I get worried. It's not that I live in constant fear that Stephen's going to kick the bucket but the guy is pretty old and seems pretty frail. I know the jokes going to be on me when I kick first. But while I was up there this afternoon talking of all things artificial intelligence, the Terminator series and the novel Stephen says he's “writing”. I broached the subject of getting a picture of Stephen and I together. I've had the strongest feeling the last couple of weeks that I need to do this or I'm going to be sorry. I was pleased Stephen had no objections to getting his picture taken with me. I also wanted to get an image of Steven's head. I want to try to draw it. Today I got the image.

I'm going to be sorry that I'm befriending this guy like I am. I really have not made a lot of friends around this place for the same reason I haven't gotten a pet in the last 10 years because every living thing dies and pets and old people are just waiting to break your heart.

Guilty Pleasure

Podiatry day. I don't know why but nine weeks ago when I set the appointment for the next session of podiatry I purposely set the time at 8:15 AM! I knew this would be a struggle for me but still I set the time and was willing to do whatever I needed to to meet this appointment. I thought about going to bed early but of course that did not happen. I just figured I would wake up 4:30 AM usual and make the appointment.

I woke this morning about 4:38 AM. I was unsure of going back to sleep for fear I would deep sleep and miss .my appointment. I played peekaboo the clock for the next 90 minutes. I figured if I got up by six I would have more than enough to make 10:15 AM appointment. You have to realize that 217 is not a straight through bus route. The 217 into the West Jordan train station where it turns into the 218 and then continues south on the road going right past my podiatrist's office. The only drawback is that I have to build in at least 15 minutes to my trip. If I don't build this time in to my trip I can be very late is not good for the doctors appointment. Today was good. I was actually feeling pretty good for as little sleep as I have gotten. I even had enough to consider breakfast. I guess I could've prepared something at the apartment-- actually I had a half a piece of toast from yesterday which held me over quite nicely.

As I dressed this morning I knew the temperature was going to be cool. I've made a mistake in the past on early fall mornings but not this day. I actually done when my longsleeved T-shirts out out of the closet. This is the first longsleeved shirt I wore all season since early spring. And I was glad, there was a definite chill in the air as I bolted from the door of the apartments.

I should be responsible and not spend any more money until pay day. But I figured I deserved a treat for being so responsible and getting my toenails cut. I remembered my podiatrists's office is right in the middle but at the end of the block are some fast food joints. I had a half hour or so to kill and found a Burger King. A Burger King fat bomb, is the last thing that I need but guess what? I got the meal deal!! To be more specific I got the sausage egg biscuit, hash rounds and coffee!! Life does not get better than this!! There is just something delicious about fast food breakfasts. I try not to think what I'm doing to my body as I sink my teeth into the bundled sausage egg biscuit. I noticed, too late, I did not think to pick up napkins as I felt the grease ooze from the side of my mouth. I wiped my mouth on my long sleeve shirt. It was too late to go back to the napkins. I was in a heaven of taste. I bit the ketchup packet and squeeze a small red puddle sauce on my tray next to the fried potato rounds. The coffee was perfect this was exactly what I wanted my breakfast to be. I should've felt guilty as I munched down the sausage egg biscuit and crunched the rounds. I knew I would regret this pleasure when I weigh on Friday but sometimes you just have to let go and enjoy the carbs.

Premier Week

(I apologize I just cannot figure out an image that would best highlight today's posting.)

I am so shall I must confess that I'm totally excited that the new television season starts tonight. Well it's not the kind thing I lose any sleep over Maybe it's just the promise of the new season of some of my favorite shows like Young Sheldon, Big Bang Theory. Maybe it's because I'm an old guy now that the new season does not charge me up like it used to. Maybe I'm just underwhelmed because of so many different forms of media nothing especial weight used to be. In the old days when the three giant networks ran the complete television platform the new season was a big deal. It was so cool background to try new things every year. Not only did it have new series they spotlighted but also “movie of the week”. Networks actually showed relatively new movies on the TV. It seems like the day/evening changed from year to year as the networks try to capture larger viewing populations.

I think I came around just at the right time to take advantage of such what seemed cosmic events. The new Star Trek's series was always astounding along with Man From Uncle and even Get Smart and a host of other programming those bright, shiny and new. Of course, my schoolwork, kind of went down the tubes at this point. I was one of the first academic casualties to electronic media. The networks truly competed with each other for market share trying out all kinds of things to trap the consumer interviewing their offerings. I remember some of networks actually offering to our special that showed snippets of all the new offerings for the season. Nothing like that now. Now it's program streaming and even on demand. In some parts of the media universe you can get the whole season at once been used to the whole thing if you want to. What a great time to be alive in here television junkie.

I'm certainly not going to waste my whole night on the two but I am going to watch the two Sheldon's offerings. I'm going to miss Big Bang theory. However, the need to reformat the premise of the show since most of the actors were young academics at the time are now middle-aged professionals trying to act like young academics does not really make much sense so it's good the closing this season. However like I said I would be interested in seeing how each one of these little characters spin off into their own little universes and lives. Maybe somebody will pick up on this and that's the new direction.

I think I'll grab my salad which I made earlier this week. Nothing do anything as energetic as making popcorn are doing anything special to celebrate the beginning of the new television season except for sit back in my power chair and bask in the soothing gentle radiation of my flats creen television and welcome the new season with open arms.

Changing Seasons

Finally, clouds and sky! It's not that I have not enjoyed the run of rainless days we've had here along the Wasatch front. The weather person last night was going on and on about how it's been over a hundred or so days since last we enjoyed any precipitation! I don't know how true that is because I know last week I felt a couple of sprinkles but sprinkles did not come from an overcast sky but a few rogue clouds passing by (Boy seems it could there could be a poem in there somewhere). But I have to point we've had very little moisture which is been part of the reason for the huge fires we've been experiencing and continue to experience. However a small cold front is passing through with clouds, more clout than usual actually causing gray skies which apparently offers a promise (perhaps “promise” is too strong a word let's just say a strong hope for changing weather.

It seems wherever I've gone I've always been a good amount of time reading outside in the sun when possible. Usually, at this point in the year people walk past and mumble something like , “enjoying the sun?” And I invariably reply “yup, not being more days like this.” I don't know what to say anymore because deep down kind of frightened that hot summer like afternoons might be the new normal. I can live with this and I will if this is the case but I'm enjoying today's overcast-ness. In fact I wish the clouds were a bit more dense and the temperature lower than today's 85°. Tomorrow should be a bit cooler but following Monday temperatures go back up and again the fall will feel like summer. I want to be forced to stay inside, have enough items in my pantry so I don't have to go out to the market or anywhere else, cook make something delightfully heavy and savory. I collected a number of packets of beef stew, the silver packed envelopes are full of stew. I've got three or four of the packets but if not yet open one up to see what it looks like inside. Doesn't feel too lumpy like if the packet of stew has potatoes, carrots, peas and onions they can't be too big. The first really cold day/cool I'm going to open one up and just see. I think it probably has some basic vegetables but it wouldn't hurt to add some fresh potatoes, carrots and whatever else might make a great beef stew. I'm hoping these envelopes of stew will be similar to the Dint Moore's stew. If so I'll be totally excited. These envelopes of food end up quite regularly on the “Sharing shelf”. I also have collected packets of Chili, chicken cubes in their own juices and beef cubes. If these packets of food are just how good is what they look like I will be in culinary heaven.

I guess I'm a little anxious after all were just maybe today's into the new season believes him a little tree across the way of not even begin to turn and the tomatoes in the community garden are still coming on strong. Maybe I just want an excuse to curl up and watch old movies, eating popcorn and make savory stews and tomato soups of the season…

inclusion

I must say I was more than a little pleased when I got an email from Claire, my former employer when I worked for the state advising me that yet another former employer at the state was in town with her and were having lunch at one of the old restaurants be used to frequent and would like me to attend.Allison was the executive director for Gov.'s Council for people with disabilities now, two directors back. I believe somewhere in the blog I've written about Allison, not a lot but I have acknowledged her existence. She was a good boss and after Allison there was Claire. Claire was a great but it's which I know I've written about and someone I owe a great deal to for figuring out a way for me to continue my work at the State till I can reach is full of retirement.

There were other players at the lunch as well Lucy which is Claire's wife and then Deborah, Deborah was on the board of the Council and I guess she still is and a good friend of everybody else at the luncheon. We had lunch the Rio Grande restaurant downtown Salt Lake. The restaurant is in the old Rio Grande train station ergo the name. The area used to be somewhat commercial especially the train station was active but the area has fallen into disarray but is trying to be “bootstrapped” to a new life. However area is infested with transients and homeless folk. The needle exchange and many support service programs for these folks is in this area. I can actually say the places actually gotten worse since I left the office. Area used to be kind of rough but now it's very rough. I never used to worry about riding my chair in this area and this time I did .

I forget how much I enjoy the Rio Grande restaurant. It's a little upscale for my tastes but always have enjoyed the facility. We ate outside, a mistake, we're deluged with flies. However the company was great. Claire and I visited a lot I felt a little bad because I did not get a chance to spend time with Dr. Lozano Lucy. But soon it was time to and the lunch. Hopefully, we'll get back together shortly before the doctor leaves town later this month. I didn't necessarily want to take any food home because it's so awkward. I'd only about half of my lunch and I felt guilty for leaving it there on my plate. I elected to take my leftovers home even though it was awkward. On top of that Deborah forgot her take-home bag and that was foisted on me too . They put both lunches a plastic bag and off I went.

On Redwood Road I was waiting for the 217 to finish my trip home. A spooky looking fellow came up and sat next to me under the canopy. I tried not to make contact but that was in vain. He had a story to tell and he wanted me to hear it. This guy was not homeless but he is close. He's an ex-con and had his hardluck story but he wasn't as beautiful as most and I really did not feel that this ex-con was trying to use me. I kind of took pity on the guy then remembered my Rio Grande Café take-home and offered it to the guy. We were already on the bus heading north at that time but the guide gladly accepted my offering. I felt guilty because Claire really wanted meto have Deborah's leftovers. There wasn't much left in my container but enough to make a bite two, Deb's I don't know. Either way the fella got something. I really enjoy being included with my old group. I look forward to the launch will have soon before Dr. Lozano leaves. If I'm really lucky I'll have enough left over for another traveler on the bus.

I Am Not Immune

It is the weirdest thing I have to admit. After yesterday's revelation about what the members of the chapter bookclub whose staff died recently. I did not think this really bothered me too much as we plowed into the next few chapters of the volume. I figured we are okay and I figured I was okay but I think I was wrong.

After I returned home I had a regular Thursday night and try to get to bed a little early so I can do some reading and take some weight off my behind which I've been trying to do all week. I read for a while then figured I was ready for sleep the sleep is not ready for me. I think somewhere in my subconscious I was trying to process the death of Kellie. I'm not sure how she spelled her name. I tossed and I turned searching desperately for sleep but could not find the unconscious anywhere. I watched the clock go from 10 o'clock, to 11 to 12 and later. I was surprised at how cool the weather got. I had my window opened a crack all summer long and it was just a small crack but I found the temperature cold even under my great white Pdiddy jacket. I was even frightened that I wasn't going to make it through the night myself that my staff would find the this morning at 7 AM dead in my bed.

2 o'clock went to 3 o'clock and and for a short moment or two I began to get drowsy hoping desperately to fall asleep. However, the drowsiness left. At this moment I decided to get back into my book and read some more which I did for about a half hour. Finally around 4 o'clock I began to drowsy out again this time I actually slept for about an hour. On the days my staff comes I try to get up by 6 AM so that I'm ready. I also like to have coffee made it be in my chair so we can get the business done and I can get on with my day to let my person go to hers. I was totally enveloped in that fog of lack of sleep but I did get up. I was kind of excited for the state because I would be having lunch with two of my previous bosses and I was excited. By staff actually gave me some great information about processing the death of someone by a doing a ritual of saying goodbye. This sounds a little New Age but what is there to lose? That point in the day/night anything is open discussion between letting the deceased go even if I didn't realize I needed to do so.

I'm tired and I'm really hoping tonight I'm going to find some sleep. Think I will come not to worried one where the other. I don't think I'm going to be as fatalistic as I was last night however I am thinking very seriously about developing a systematic end-of-life document that my kids will be able to use to clear the old man out. So the next couple of weeks going to be contacting the crematorium as well as anything else I need to set up for such an event. The event is coming one where the other… No doubt about it.

Last Chapter Book Club

What a strange day. I was kind of excited because it just seemed every time I turned the corner I was getting insights for possible blog entries. This is incredibly exciting but sometimes you have to tap dance for minutes maybe even hours before you can find a thread to write on for 500 words, at least 500 words. Today for some reason they do seem to be everywhere is writing this morning and later as I was traveling to my First Chapter Book Club. My mind seem to be churning with ideas. Go figure? Perhaps it was/is the upcoming change of seasons and really that's only a page on a calendar. Still something is operating I don't know what it is but I plan to exploit the phenomenon as long as I can.

This Thursday that means coffee club in the morning and First Chapter B C (bookclub) in the afternoon. I've been a little concerned about a possible wound on my buttocks and a little worried about the bus trip out to the library for the bookclub. That's a lot of travel time in my chair and on the bus a lot of rocking which leads to shearing which is not good for the butt a least my butt. So I did something this afternoon that I rarely do I actually laid down and worked on one of my tablets for an hour or so and was surprised at how good the but felt for the trip to the library.

I usually try not to ruminate on things is inconsequential as a ride to the library but I was doing pretty well. I got up from my lay down and I still have about an hour to get to the library. Which is way more than enough time. I went to the Internet and paid my cable Internet fee online which is the second time I've ever done such a event. This could get habit-forming. I knew I was cutting the time. Close but I figured I still had three quarters of an hour. I would have time to get to the library, hit the restroom and still have time to open up the room and get chairs and tables set up. The finally came I was still doing. I began to be concerned but it seems like we're stopping at every bus stop and loading people. Then bus driver pulled the vehicle over and said hold on everybody I got go and he left the bus! He was gone for at least 10 minutes! Unbelievable you must've had a massive number two to do!! My window of time was dwindling. Ah ha I thought here's sucker punch I always talk about . I made it though. I got to the library with five or six minutes to spare I beat the sucker punch.

If there was a corporate office for the First Chapter Book Club of West Jordan Utah at the public library it would be staffed from Utah Development Disabilities Council(UDDC). They finally found someone to replace Debbie who mysteriously vanished four weeks ago. I've been sort of running the show until they found a new program coordinator who was introduced today. So Ricca and Elva were there from corporate. This is good that takes the pressure off me which is okay

The numbers were light today. Renée did not show, neither did blind Jonathan or Kelly. Kelly is Jason's staff. That means she goes with Jason almost everywhere and is always been with Jason at bookclub. Jason was there today but no Kelly which was odd but no one really said anything. Kelly was a bit older but were younger than me and she tended to like to take control. I have to let her leave the bookclub because she did such a good job. Anyway, we began to settle in. Elva passed out the books and I then asked Jason is Kelly coming? He looked at me as he does through his developmentally disabled eyes and said “no”. I shrugged and said “that's too bad you will have to catch her up” then Jason says “that will be hard kind of hard” and then I figured myself oh oh the girl has been viewed got himself fired. That did not surprise me either, Kelly had a way of overstepping her authority. Then came the sucker punch… Jason says “Kelly is never coming again, Kelly died” holy catfish! Bookclub just turned into an afterschool special. I pulled out all my shrink techniques to get ready to be super Shrink not only for Jason but for the rest of the crew but nothing happened. Jason his own way as happy as a clam. “Kelly's happy now she's dancing and she's happy” this obviously meant Kelly was happy Jason was happy and therefore bookclub was happy. We moved on and started reading chapter 38. Kelly would have approved.

The New Normal

I watched in silence this morning as Helen is loaded in the flat blackVan for her trip to the care center. I find it kind of paradoxical Helen's vehicle is black and the person last week I wrote about, the resident was dead was being collected by an all-white. Seems a little reversed to what it should be. Helen has been struggling for the past year. Helen would be in her apartment slip and fall and break something then be in the hospital and rehab for six weeks then come back to the apartments. She just come back last week actually and the crew was glad to see Helen and wish her the best for her reintegration. However, that reintegration did not happen. She fell again this morning early and a couple of good Samaritan apartment neighbors helped her get up off the floor back into her bed but Helen had had enough. She had made the decision to enter into long-term care. Helen said she just not do it anymore, she needed help much more help than she had available at the apartments trying to live independently.

I sat next my friend, Patricia or Pat (as she prefers to be called). Pat is older than I am, a retired educator and fairly self-assured. In fact she is on the same Board of Directors that I am regarding the apartment complex we live in. I have always considered Pat a know it all and I've come to learn that she is and does know it all. I like Pat. As we watched the van driver Stow and secure Helen in the van had confided in me that she was getting worried about herself and about how much longer she could live independently. I think the girl's has got quite a ways to gobefore Helen needs to seriously consider long-term care. The conversation was interesting. We talked about how insidious our independence wanders away from us. How slowly the process is for decades realizing only now and then that the ability to care for ourselves independently is slipping away. However, there comes a time when we start seeing that ability begins to slip away much quicker and how you almost have to accept each little or big loss as the new normal. But was also interesting, to me anyway, was how once we accept this process has started a quick will act on to the new normal knowing that the new normal is leading and perhaps the fleeting process itself is the new normal.

Each night when I roll in the bed (literally, I literally roll into my bed). Remember last year when I seem to keep falling out of my bed especially on the transfer? I firemen, my home health person, and even my brother come over and rescue me. However this year I don't know what has happened but I'm making the transfer so much better and I feel more secure. But every night as I hit the mattress and pull myself on the bed I wonder how many more transfers I have. Hopefully I have hundreds maybe thousands if I'm really really really lucky but there's a number out there of transfers that I can do and at some point will have to make a decision as to what my new normal will be. And transfers, especially gravity assist transfers are easy. It's all the other things it takes to live independently that has me worried. Everything from dressing to go be my pants and especially taking care of holes in my butt when those pressure sores happen. My body is changing and that is the new normal. I told Pat about how my spinal column is torquing and twisting causing me to put pressure on my butt in different areas. I told Pat that I recognized this is how it happens, this is how you get old and… Die. Sadly, Pat smiled and agreed.

Back To Bed and Other Things

I'm getting all kinds of chatter on my cell phone that I really paid much attention to. DRAC, a direct action organization has been burning up the airwaves it seems. Couple weeks ago we got a few new members who really began posting messages to the whole group. Each time a messages posted the messenger bell rings. Day or night someone posts a message the alarm rings. Finally I got so exasperated because messages are being posted late into the night that I turned the notifier off. Just as well. It seems like it happened action and one of the key people got arrested and now is having to report to her point of incarceration and you seem to be pretty upset about the fact no one is showing up support her. I don't know what she was thinking. Our little mismatch group of want to be protesters is now having to enter the real world.

I did not sign up to go to jail. I would if there's something I believe in strong enough and we certainly have not reached that level with this group at least for me. I will soon support them in their actions, I will go to their meetings once a month and I leave their submarine sandwiches and potato chips and I will give feedback if I'm asked but that's about as far as I will go. I showed up on one of two actions and enjoy getting back into the protest mode but that's as far as I'm willing to go at this point time.

I'm having to take my life easy this week. I feel I have some skin issues going on with my but so are really having to spend a lot of time in a press release mode whether it's leaning my chair back were actually laying on the bed trying to figure out some way to occupy my time. I tried to relieve the pressure off my butt so I can sit up for 50 minutes while I crank my arm bike. I will put some more lotion and stuff on my butt tonight and hopefully tomorrow when Dana, home health person, is here perhaps we can put some new skin on what I think might be a wound. Hopefully, by this attention to the pressure I will be more able to function next week when I have to do more traveling. At this juncture in my week I have only the bookclub on Thursday afternoon that I have to do any significant traveling that will put pressure on my hip. I know it sounds like a wuss but I'm finding that this advanced age, that I am it's better to be hypervigilant and a member of a strike line on issues I find questionable.

I was kind of surprised this morning. I thought barbers as a rule to have Mondays since they often work on Saturdays a big haircut day. I purposely did not cross the street, where I found a little Hispanic lady who was a barber and has a small shop, because I thought sure she would been closed yesterday but I saw a small paper plastic the window of her humble little shop saying she would be back on Wednesday. She obviously closes every Tuesday. What's with that? I need a haircut though she charges $7.99 – really $10 when you throw in the tip. Still haircut is cheaper than any of the place I can get around here. So maybe, if I do anything productive tomorrow it will be to get a haircut out-of-the-way..

Apartment Surgeries

Steve hands attending tending to my wounded to. Steve's hands were steady like a rock.

Once again I am plagued by a little toe slowly driving me crazy… I know short drive but still it's the truth.I noticed the pain starting on Saturday but didn't really pay much attention to the pain after all it was the weekend and I figured if I go a couple days without wearing shoes the little toe will heal on its own. Earlier this summer I ended ripping off nearly the entire toenail on that little toe. I was so concerned with the toenail hanging off the way that it was that I did an emergency run to my podiatrists took me in and trimmed up the trauma site. I kind of figured I wouldn't have to worry about that told anymore. I was hoping he took out the whole nail but apparently not.

One of the many things I am proud of living on my own and before is how I've been able to adapt to various challenges of my disability life. One of those hacks to independence that I've been able to work out as been a leg lifting system out of my sticks. I am able to insert one of the sticks under my foot and with the aid of one of the lifting straps my former wife, Dianne had got me I'm able to lift the flap with the help of the stick up high enough to cross my leg which allows me to not only to smear lotion on my feet and legs but also put on my shoes or my pants or whatever. The trouble is my little toe is on the far side of my foot and I cannot see what is happening there. All I know is that when I try to put my shoes on this weekend I felt pain in my will to and my legs did a dance of their own. Something definitely was wrong.

This morning my foot seemed better in my attendant was here bathing me. I should've had her look at my to when she tried to put into the shoe in my foot had other ideas. Time is short so I did not have a chance to have Dana look at night toe. So, I spent the day with my left shoe on in my right shoe totally off again hoping that my toe with you. By this afternoon, I can tell this is not going to happen and I better do something relatively quick. I thought about contacting my podiatrists but even the best case scenario previously come on down it would take me quite a while to catch one bus and then another to get to his office. Then I remembered in the apartments directly above mine resides one of the few other male occupants of this housing complex, Steve. As near as I can tell Steve is kind of a retired trauma nurse. I figured what the heck and took the elevator upstairs. Steve was there I do that he would be Steve hardly ever ventures out which kind of worries me. To my relief however, Steve was all in for this medical adventure. He didn't have Band-Aids I did so I went back to my apartment and got my stash of Marvel adventure hero Band-Aids. When I got back Steve and transformed his kitchen into an OR. I was impressed. The tip of it seriously. He sanitized the operating area even administered painkiller ointments did some trimming and then customized cuts to the Band-Aids so they would fit perfectly to the wound site. I was impressed his hands were steady no senior jiggling. This guy really knew what he was doing. I thanked him for attending to my foot in turn be more than thanked me for presenting to him a foot in need of medical intervention. I asked him if there's anything I can do for him. I can take his garbage out to the dumpster (Steve really does have some problems ambulating which worries me and I'd be happy to take his garbage out anytime) but he said no. Because indicated that conversation was payment enough. I've learned that Steve is very peculiar about what he ingests even goes to the high-end food markets for shopping. I know anything I would get him if I were trying to shop him but he graciously accepted and probably sent to the food bank is not the dumpster. So I don't try to buy them things. So the best I can do is be a friend and occasionally uses medical background give me by.

Best Viewed Prone

I spent the day trying to stay off my butt. My butt has become sensitive meaning I've been sitting on it too much lately. Last night when I went to bed I checked by skin out on the butt and the skin was certainly rough but I didn't feel any skin breaks or open lesions. I put on the skin cream which I use which typically this cream does a great job and went to bed.

This morning I got up and the area was still very sensitive but did not seem as critical as last night. It's Sunday so I have no commitments so, my goal was to stay off my butt as much as possible. If I were really true to this commitment that would be in bed, truly off of my butt. I, for some reason, cannot do that they don't have a good excuse either. Staying up my rear end, going down to bed, is like giving up and something will let me go prone. So I spent the day doing as many press releases as I can stand. Seriously, I just stay in bed and get a good heal going for the area in question. Oddly enough however my butt feels fairly decent tonight. I'm still doing the releases but obviously the attention has been somewhat helpful. I will be really interested to see what and how tomorrow's shower will make my butt field. I'm anticipating a light week so hopefully I will spend more time doing butt pressure maintenance.

The best thing about doing butt pressure maintenance is I need to figure out something to keep me busy while being as prone as I can get. I have found watching video of any kind is a favorite diversion to be able to set up right and do my regular life. You will remember yesterday I did Star Wars. Today I decided to do Meg Ryan! I did Sleepless in Seattle this afternoon I watched You've Got Mail. You've got mail is one of my all-time favorite Meg Ryan movies. Readers of the blog know that I associate this movie with holiday seasons. I know what you the film today was getting an early run on the season but was is always a great experience.

Tonight as I go to bed I'm going to apply a different cream to my buttocks. It's essentially the same cream as I've been using with the addition of silver. I've used the screen before and it does incredible work. I hope the incredible work is just not the placebo effect but I truly believe and sometimes believe in the product is what what a miracle cure takes. And if not, I will have my home health person, Dana, tomorrow check the skin and apply some plastic tape I've used in the past that is also miraculously effective. Like I said in the beginning this is a light week. I really don't have to do anything until Thursday. Between movies in my collection and free movies on Amazon prime and I could even go whole hog and order some from the Internet (like streaming). Tomorrow I'm all set to start out with City of Angels,another Meg Ryan.

A New Hope

Blog 091518 – – Saturday

I finally managed to pull myself away from a TNT presentation of Star Wars: A New Hope. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen this production yet I never grow tired of the whole thing. I basically love anything that science-fiction but Star Wars saga is something special. Perhaps, because it came at a time in my life when everything was kind of special. I was into my first marriage about three years. Mark Anthony had been born that previous June and everything seemed to be positive.

Star Wars was huge that year. It seemed that anyone who loved science fiction at something to talk about and to hold onto. Not that I was hiding in the closet but sci-fi people were still a bit of a minority. Up until that point most radical thing had done as a science fiction enthusiast was taken class from scary Sherry Maguire called sci-fi as literature. This class is one the best classes I've ever taken at the college level. I think we even took Mark with this to the theater to see Star Wars. Luckily, we were not alone. However, I still must commend Mark Anthony for being a perfect infant choosing to sleep through most of the first Star Wars movie and then enjoying the rest of the movie when he finally did wake. Those are great times.

I of course have the four DVD set of the first Star Wars movies. It would probably make more sense to watch the movies off the DVDs but it's just more fun to see the movie sandwiched in between the commercials. Again, reminded me of those holiday presentations following the movie's release when as a special offering from the networks Star Wars would be broadcast on Thanksgiving evening as well as sometime during the Christmas season. “A New Hope”, I thought was so cool to broadcast/present a movie in the middle of its series. Took me forever to figure this out. But I finally did and was astounded as the new movies were released and a culture was created.

It's not that I've grown out of Star Wars perhaps maybe Star Wars franchise which is a huge universe in and of itself. I saw the last couple of installments is just ways to increase the filthy lucre of those “creating” new installments. Rather than promote the story I see whoever is in charge just trying to sell more action figures, T-shirts and movie seats. Kind of breaks my heart. However, those lucre chasers cannot take away the first three or so installments of the Star Wars saga when everything was new and fresh and full of wonder. Good guys and the villain so evil to develop planetoid which could eradicate whole planets with its deadly death Ray. A trilogy based on nothing but good and evil where you are never sure that good was going to win. Of course, deep down, you knew that what you are watching was nothing but a formula for entertainment since the beginning of movies. I'm sure the movie is still playing and once I have this poster I will tune in for the rest of A New Hope. And I see the next installment begins right after it. I doubt I'll watch the whole movie just enough to get a feel of how great the force is hoping it is with me.

Bookmarks, Sniffles and Other Things

I should be embarrassed to state that I did not do anything to speak up today except perhaps read. This is been a busy week for me with meetings of one sort or another almost every day except for today. I use this time to unwind hang out in my little apartment. I thought about doing the wash and getting it out of the way but I figured what the heck, the one has to wait until tomorrow or even Sunday but I don't like working on Sunday if I don't have to. So tomorrow I will wash clothes for next week.

I did finish the piece of pulp fiction I've been working on all week. It was an okay read, one of the volumes my little sister sent me. I've read two volumes by this author. He is entertaining and I guess with fiction that all one can really hope for. He is a writing machine like so many authors are today. Writing for the majority of the population but still reads. Fat books with short chapters. You get the feeling that you've actually read something. I spoke is like drinking fluids with sweeteners that satisfies your thirst and you feel you drank something pleasing. I started, almost immediately by James Patterson who I feel is the quintessential little big book writer. He is entertaining.

I also spent time making some bookmarks. I don't know why find this so entertaining but I continue to make by donkeys and I'm sort of stuck on making on making bookmarks. Maybe someone like the books I'm reading. I can produce five or six or seven bookmarks the time I would do one regular picture. I like coloring the bookmarks as well. Today I reverted back to the “red burro” motif which I find so rewarding. Sometimes I feel like red and that's all there is to it. But I did I got some burros done. Just like the books I'm reading makes you feel like I've read something when I get done with my bookmarks I have the feeling that I've done some art.

I've decided that as I have become older that I've developed more significant allergies. All week long I have felt that I've had a cold. I've had a stuffed head, sniffles and have had bouts of sneezing– – all symptoms of having a cold but I don't feel like I'm sick if that makes any sense. So I think it's allergies for the first time in my life. Especially the watery eyes. I keep forgetting that there are also great fires all around the area maybe that's what I'm suffering as well pollution from the forest and range fires all around this region. Whatever the etiology I haven't felt much like getting out and traveling if I don't have to. Maybe, I'll try to go to bed early tonight and get some rest of the weekend and some time in the sun burning the impurities out my system.

How I Learned to Make Granola

I did not have a picture of Frank Buonocore Jr., but I always thought it looked like Jim Croce so I am using Jim's image--so sue me

One of the most interesting times of my life was a couple of years I spent working in Nampa Idaho working with the low income/minority health clinic. I know it sounds crazy but I was working as a psychological counselor for the health clinic. I moved from Boise to Nampa and was living on my own in a little house on Canyon Street. The Canyon Street house was my first residence living entirely on my own. Looking back on this event I'm still kind of amazed of getting away with this adventure. Granted, I was four years post injury and that's all I was independent (which I definitely was) but still I totally commend my parents for allowing me this challenge.

Anyway, I was happy as a clam and my little house (which was converted from the garage there was an upstairs and downstairs and I lived on both levels – – I really was incredible). The house of course had a small kitchen, shower and front room. The second story of the house was one huge room. I had a bad in one section of the rest of the upstairs was open. The really was lots of room. In the spring of the year I worked with the clinic systems Terry Riley, the clinic director, pulled everyone together to announce that the clinics were going to be the recipient for a number of VISTAs. Volunteers In – Service To America, the anti-poverty program conceived by John F. Kennedy and enacted by Lyndon Johnson as part of the great Society program. The clinic received four VISTA s and two ended up living at my house. Frank Buonocore Jr., was one of these volunteers. Frank was someone unlike anyone I've ever met. Frank was the sound of a federal judge in Boston and they seem somewhat estranged or at least Frank was. I remember his father sent him $500 for his birthday Frank sent the money back! I wish I had an image of Frank. The closest image I can imagine is Jim Croce and what I've used for the image on this blog. Funny though this blog is not about Frank as much is is about granola. Frank made his own granola. I barely knew about granola and even less about making granola. Frank used rolled oats, coconut shredded, raisins, almonds and I think corn syrup. Frank mixed everything together and baked and it turned into breakfast cereal which was great. Frank also taught me (Frank did not really teach me I just watched him cook) up to make chicken and rice which I ended up blending together for a dish called Frank but that's material for another blog.

Frank Buonocore was a man of few words. I doubt that he actually liked as much is endured me and lived at my house. Use the kind of guy that carried contour maps of Idaho and spends his weekends hiking and being alone. He suffered fools poorly and would loved to live at Walden's Pond which I think he did in his own mind. I don't think these guys really even noticed me or the fact they were billeted at my house. They were there because the good Dr. McIntyre said that's where they need to be and they were. These VISTAs were the coolest people I ever had close association with. They're all graduates of real universities back East and were dodging the war and civilization in general until they got into the next part of their lives. I'm just glad they stopped by my house along the way.

Doppelgänger!

It's hard to tell, the images low-quality, but the clone is sitting at the front of the picture wearing shades. I wish I'd gotten a better shot a well…

I must admit more often than not I'm caught up in my own little world my ride the train these days. I have either reading a book, yes an actual book are I must confess on my cell phone are tablet. I don't like electronic reading so much so, usually an analog book – – I hope I said that right. If not reading than sadly I lost in the tiny screen of my cell phone. Getting sucked into YouTube's which I hate, checking on Facebook which I have almost given up since people no longer create themselves but send and resend content. Noisy, obnoxious and usually just silly stuff that I hate on my Facebook page. There is no way to control this content-- if there is I do not know how nor do I have the desire to learn how – – so usually I just don't engage. But sometimes I get hooked.

Yesterday, going in to the city for my meeting, I was waiting on the platform. I usually loaded into the first coach on a train. Today I noticed the authority is painting new access squares (small access blue rectangles with the wheelchair guy in white on top. These are placed on the platform where the coaches with accessible entries will stop. ) Today I decided to catch the middle coach. Bear in mind that I'm catching this training at about 9:30 in the morning on Tuesday. I catch the Red Line which is the train that goes up to the University of Utah and medical Center. At this point in the year the youth are still believers so the coaches are crowded and cramped. One such “scholar” is standing smack dab in the wheelchair/bike section of the coach. He looks at me, his eyes begging like a cocker spaniel that I not ask him to move. I shrugged and shake my head that's okay I will be just fine sitting in the middle of the car reading my book.

I don't know if it was the struggle to keep myself awake as I tried to read my David Baldacci almost pulp fiction, fiction swaying back and forth in the train. I shake my head rapidly from side to side when all of a sudden I notice somebody sitting in a wheelchair station at the front of the coach where I would've been sitting at an outside to take the door I did. There's a guy sitting there which I thought just like me. Of course it was not that I'm saying wow I have a doppelganger (I must say this is the first time at a reduced that term). You must've been on the train before I boarded because I know I would've heard the ramp alarm if you boarded after I had, and looked up. Seeing what could have been my double was the strangest feeling. I wish I had boarded at the same station. I'd like to have set there and visited with this guy an hear his story. Truth be told, had I actually got up next to him I would just have ridden in silence.

I've been hearing a lot lately especially with the find of my biological family. People are amazed at how much I look like some of my siblings. Frankly, I can't see it except that me and my older brother are bald. But this guy, on the train still has me flummoxed. For a second I thought I had entered an alternate reality and it wasn't all that bad.

Feels Weird… Just Saying

It's Tuesday which means I had my Assist, Inc., today volunteer board I sit on which allocates funding for folks to repair their homes mostly seniors, people disabilities folks of low-income. The committee only meets a couple times a month now due to funding cutbacks. We've been told it's just a matter of waiting for the new fiscal year to start but I've only recently realized the accepted the writing on the wall that perhaps the funding will not be continued as it used to be. Of course, that doesn't make much difference to me since I volunteered my time on this committee but if the agency Assist, Inc. does not have the funding to even do their work then there is a problem. Our committee is now three members from what it used to be five or six. Three members have actually died, to others or so infirmed they can no longer make the meetings per se. That leaves the three regulars – us. Quick refresher, our offices right next to the Department of Education which also used to be Utah State Office of Rehabilitation or USOR.

Before I was an employee of the state of Utah I was employed by a major private nonprofit organization serving people with disabilities. Part of my job was attending meetings at this facility two or three times a week sometimes. Many of the boards I sat on use this building for their meetings. One of the things I loved about this building was that it had an accessible restroom. One of the most accessible restrooms in the city, so much so that I often rated this restroom as number one in access for the city of Salt Lake. This of course is not a big deal to anyone else but to someone in a wheelchair it was a big deal. I never questioned using this restroom when I was a board member of the many advisory boards of the state I sat up nor did I have problems with this building as a state employee after all a state employee is a state employee. I've never really questioned access.. Even when the State of Utah and USOR had the big battle and Rehab changed I still never worried about using the restrooms. Now, in retirement I have not really had reason to use this building except for attending other retirement celebrations are open houses but have not not used the facilities restroom. I often stop in before my Assist meeting or afterwards to use the bathroom. I did that today but as I was leaving the “guardian of the front door” asked where I was going and I said “to use the restroom”. She then said “from now on out you need to use the library's restroom.” I was too shocked to do anything but say “yes”. It was only afterwards in my assist meeting I processed the moment. I'm confused and opened back that I can't use the facility ran on state.tax dollars and I'm a taxpayer. It's not like I'm going in and wandering around offices and stuff. I can use the library they have very limited access as far as bathrooms go but I am pondering what else I might do. Perhaps contact old friends at the State, letter to the editor or just let it go. Still feels weird.

Perfect Pumas

I am exhausted! I really didn't do that much today but still I can barely keep my eyes open. I may even hit the sack before 10 PM but who knows never underestimate the possibility of the second wind. I was up at 6 AM which is really no big deal for me. It's Monday which means as home health Dana day. I like to be up, shaved and ready for my home health worker when she gets here always around 7 AM. I want to make sure I waste of time doing things I could do before she gets here.

Possibly, I was excited because today I meeting with by occupational therapist Kasey over at TOSH not far from where I used to live in Murray. I sent the appointment for 10 AM. I knew I would be done with my mornings business by 8 AM which would give me two hours to get from my apartment to TOSH. I realized last week my occupational therapy time I have available, I have not used and I need to use this opportunity/resource before it runs out. I brought this up last week when visiting with my physiatrist I let her know this information and I had appointment for this morning but it's how I got back to my apartment. I was pretty sure I could make the appointment in the two hours allotted, even if I cannot get on the right bus which runs every hour I can actually just drive by chair there would have done before.

And of course was there plenty of time and my occupational therapist and Ihad a very productive meeting. This was after everyone had to comment at how good I looked, healthy wise. Not that I really cared but it was nice to be gushed over. I have outlined the direction I would like to go as far as making sure my power chair is functional and maintained. We also talked about another home visit and see what further changes we can do to my living situation at the apartments and this led to the arrest he could get me over to his home where I could witness is incredibly beautiful woodshop and actually do some woodworking (Kasey knows how much I miss my little woodshop that was in my garage). I informed Kasey that if he would consider driving my vehicle that he be welcome to drive me over to his house where we can work on some one wood projects. I would be more than open to this exercise. We also talked about some other occupational therapy ideas. I felt good I felt like a getting something valuable accomplished. It was a good day.

This last bit has nothing to do with the rest of the posting that's okay because I don't care. But, when I went to catch the 47 to transport me to Murray Central there was another person at the bus stop. I don't know why but I was enamored with his tennis shoes. I thought he was totally mystical. I so want to ask him about his tennis shoes, these beautiful Pumas… But I didn't.

Weevils!

I just made cornbread. Earlier this week I picked big pot of beans and I've been letting them sit in the refrigerator couple of days but now I'm ready to eat some of these beans and I thought cornbread would go a long with these beans very well, today I am kind of thinking traditional. I have cornmeal which I should've used but I have to packages of corn muffin mix that I literally For years. One box was about five years past the expiration date and the package was only 2 ½ years. I was amazed because after I wrestled the box open I noticed in the top of the package of cornbread mix there is a pinhole barely visible. The thought crossed my mind weevils than I thought “Naa there's no way”. Sure enough when I opened up the paper wrapping the cornmeal and weevils scattered along the top. They were basically husks, long dead. I shook the box out and sure enough there were weevils on every level. I discarded the box of cornmeal posthaste. I opened the sealed package next which I had great hopes for. The ingredients looked okay – there's nothing moving signs of things that happened in the past.

Most everything was in the mix except for an egg and 9 tablespoons of milk and about as much oil. I put the mixed together I end putting in more milk than the directions call for, way more milk but it looked like cornmeal mix when I was done. In case that and have to admit it tastes a little funky but I think survivable. I was so pleased when I opened the oven and the heat escaping did not set off any firearms. I popped in the mix close the oven from the oven light on and waited. At 15 minutes the concoction looked done. I did not want to set off the alarm so I like to delete the cornbread inside until the oven cooled. About 10 minutes later I pulled the cornbread out from somewhere I could snap the cornbread out of the pan. I was kind of surprised at how thin the cornbread was but that's okay. The baking powder active ingredients probably died years ago. I still have some variation of hardtack.

I have the weirdest trait of not accepting something as it is but it's not what I want. I cut a small portion of cornbread from the mother load. I thought the piece in my mouth and got a funny flavor. Not necessarily a bad flavor but not a good flavor either. I try to say to myself, “this is okay, just a little old” a lot old! I have finally accepted the fact that the cornbread is rancid or whatever I think rancid is the cornbread is. If we were in a famine there was nothing else to eat this cornbread would be spurred but not the famine and I'm not going to eat the cornbread. What I might do is dig out my can of corn meal and went off another batch because I got a have beans on Sunday night.

Come Saturday Morning

Blog 090818 – – Saturday

I did not get as good a sleep as I would've liked particularly since I slept so poorly the night before with the light incident outside my bedroom window. However, I forced myself to stay in bed at least to try and gather some sleep and finally rising about 8:00 AM. Quite surprisingly little better than anticipated I would so I figured I would get my chores going. I needed to get down to the laundry room despite the high capacity washer before anyone else.

Come SaturdayMorning

I live in a secure facility which translates to “gated”. Plus the entry to the apartment complex, front doors are locked and you have to have a code to gain entry especially on weekends. As I've mentioned before our complex is right next to a county park and often folks using the park IE kids try to take advantage of the bathrooms at the complex. There's been a number of warnings to not let just anyone into the facility was trying to. I have a problem with this and I usually let anybody standing outside the doors in. If they were just kids I probably wouldn't are teenagers from the skate park I would not most likely let in but anybody else I generally do. This morning as I went down to check my wash there were two suits standing at the front door trying to get in. They were obviously trying to enter the code into the door had with no results. There is a white unmarked minivan parked under the awning to the front door and I really thought these guys are either Jehovah witnesses are missionaries. Shiny black shoes, black dress suit white shirt and tie. I did notice one had a gold nameplate that I really didn't pay much attention to I figured he was the that missionary since most missionaries have that black plastic name tag with white lettering. I pushed the button the door swung open and I did have the presence of mind to ask who they are here to see. I really didn't care and terms rolling away and I heard the guy say “we're here to collect Patricia she passed during the night”. And never considered this before. I knew Patricia ill and I knew there was kind of a deathwatch going on and I knew that there's been some talk about her leaving the facility for hospice setting. But she was gone... Literally.

I was kind of surprised these two were driving a white minivan. I thought of the at least a black minivan or something morose. I did not think much of the process at first but as I sat there I found it peculiar these guys we just swoop in grab the body and leave. I stayed on the scene while because people were beginning to get up on or around and nobody seemed to know that Patricia asked. A lot of folks were walking their dogs since it was still pretty early in the wonder worn them in case the dog got excited regarding the dead body, I don't know. There's also a couple of grandma's little kids stay with them on weekends and I want to give them a heads up in case they didn't want the kids witnessing Patricia being taken from the building. The more I thought about it and continues to be strange to me that they did not contact Diana the resident advisor. Perhaps I should've gone to and got Diana. I don't know if there is a protocol about taking a body off premise. I actually was also hanging around to see the process and see how they collected the corpse and put it in the back. Pathetically I was going to try to get a image of the process for this posting. I went up to the second floor where I would have an excellent view. However, a kind of disgusted myself and gave up and went down to check my wash. When I got back in the laundry was gone and I assume Patricia along with it. I supposedly at work with this person at some point in the past. In fact a little bit last week or week before I cannot recall. I don't recall working with Patricia but that's just my Alzheimer's I'm sure kicking in. A heck of a way to start my weekend.

From the Inside Out

I don't know why I did it but I cooked today. I love cooking and you guys know that I've written about the concept enough. Made a big pot of beans last week and I think the beans went bad, at least I think so. That pot of beans was my first attempt at cooking beans from scratch. I cannot believe how many beans when can reconstitute with just water, heat and patience. I put in the wrong kind of sausage last week thinking that sausage that didn't really matter well I was wrong sausage does matter are right kind of meat matters at least with beans. I wanted to bowls all those beings that was all I could tolerate I put those beings down the disposal yesterday morning and put a new kind of beings on the soak overnight. This morning I rinsed the beings and put them in a crockpot. By home health person, Dana does a lot of beings. Data is my go to person, now, when it comes to cooking. I used bacon for this pot of beans as well as onions and chicken bouillon and I couldn't the pot all day and finally this evening the beans tested soft enough to eat. I thought seriously about making cornbread but I've had a roll of quick biscuits in the refrigerator that probably got in January and not before and figured I better use them which I did. The “use by date” indicated March but I went for and popped the biscuits open. It always scares me when those biscuits under pressure pop open .The biscuits looked okay, the biscuits smelled okay so I put my pants, preheated the oven and popped the biscuits in the oven and let them cook. Yesterday I used the oven to try to process some Mexican green peppers. I set off the fire alarm of course in a surprise that when I went to put the biscuits in the oven and again when I retrieved the biscuits later the fire alarm to not sound – – I'm not complaining. I hate having to call the building manager every time I try to cook. The biscuits did not rise as much as you would think that that's probably because how long they lingered in my refrigerator. The biscuits taste is all right however I have one with my dinner.

I made the beans from three different kinds, Pinto, black and chickpeas. This batch of beings is much better than the beans up and down the disposal yesterday morning. I don't know if I'll eat anymore the biscuits however there are some good as I novelty. I just took my cost them out before trying to cook them but I'd rather be eating cornbread. If I'm going to worry about carbohydrates and calories I guess I should at least make those scratch so I know what's in them. Having said that however, I can really see myself eating these beans all next week. I might even freeze a portion of the beans to have when the days turn cold and the darkness comes early and I want to feel love from the inside out.