Mourning

I don't think I'm depressed actually I think I'm actually doing pretty good. I am home at min assistAnd looking forward to more independence and on the involvement with my physical therapist and occupational therapist. However it seems that I am mourning Something. I think I may have resisted this at first that I am morning something but I realize I've been talking about having to accept the “new me” a lot these days, Enough that I think folks are becoming concerned.

Over the past couple weeks I've had it drilled into my head by OT/PT and Mds that I am not the person I used to be especially since the operations and neck fusions have endured the Past few months or year or so. I've had to realize that rather try to do the things that I used to do accept the fact that it's not the same body that I used to have and sadly it will never be the same body that I used to have. I know this is not rocket science it should be easy to accept it is taken me a while to get this frame of mind. And suppose I guess I could be mourning the light I recently gave up when I chose to have spinal surgery for the stenosis issues – – and I didn't have a choice I had to have this work done are I was going to have to give up a lot more than I have. So I'm glad that I had the work done and now I'm just dealing with becoming the new me, the new medications, the dull affect, the trying harder just to maintain what was so simple before. I'm thankful however, that with all this I have to accept I can do this at home with equipment that allows me to preserve my self-respect and independence and the loving and supportive wife And family which allowing me to do all this.