Mmm Mmm Good

Yesterday I had stopped at the local Rite-Aide to look for anniversary cards—I could not believe the drugstore did not have any cards but they did have a sale on Campbell soup. Not Campbell condensed in a can soup but the soup in the small micro-wave able bowel(DO NOT ADD WATER). The soups were four bowels for five dollars. They made it look like a sale with big signs reading “Special purchase!” Four for Five. The soup and containers are convenient. I scooped up for soups, chicken noodle X 2 and tomato 2 and headed back to the office. I had a chicken noodle when I got back and today I had a tomato. As I ate my sup I started doing the math- This was one good sized serving for $1.25. If I am vigilant I can some times get Campbell’s for 85 cents a can the same with the Chicken noodle. If I am really luck I can get the soups even cheaper if I buy the soup by the case. The soup is condensed and after you add the can of water the recipe on the can calls for you have two servings at least. As I kept pondering the price of the soup and trying not to suffer too deeply from ‘buyer’s remorse’ I kept returning to my argument of convenience: a self contained bowel of nutritious, delicious soup just waiting to be nuked—no fiddling round with a can opener, having to find a water supply or heating elements. One bowel just right for lunch, throw it in the backpack with a sandwich and there you go: a perfect lunch. No dishes to do after, and cute little bowels if you desire to wash and keep the receptables. I thought what would be just to cute would be to use the bowels as planters to start your tomato and other ‘early start’ plants for the garden.

I found about half a sack of saltines, pretty mashed up on the back of the counter. I shook the loose crumbs into my soup and hurridly fished the crumbs out with the soup into my mouth. There is nothing like fresh saltines and tomato soup. If I do not have crumbs for my soup I will just drop one cracker into the soup at a time or some times I will ‘loosely’ crumble up one cracker per spoon of soup I like my soup and crackers this way. No, my brother Ross, her was a tomato soup aficionado. Ross really knew how to eat his Campbell’s soup. He would take a whole row of crackers, as saltines come the long rows. He would get these crackers and pulverize them into his soup. He would ,do this till his soup had the consistency of oatmeal mush—with a crunch. I have never done myself. I just cannot bring my self to use that many crackers at once—maybe this is my conservative side coming out. Maybe I would gag on this many crackers munching up my soup or maybe I just like a little liquid with my crunch.

So no buyer’s remorse, I am set with a small stock of soup sitting in the bottom of my desk drawer waiting for that rainy day.

Hard Day

This has truly been a lost day as far as work is concerned. I knew a storm was coming in so I cannot use the storm as an excuse. It has just been one of those days. I brought my van into work because I had an IOTI meeting starting at 11:30—no problem. The storm raged into the city at 9:30 am, the storm was a whiteout at times—sort of fun to watch. I got assigned to pick up one of the council members who does not drive, about 10:30. I was a little pissed mostly because this was a new experience and I had never had to give a council member a ride before. By the time I left to pick up Mr Stevens the storm was abating. I got turned a round once and missed the turn off to the Health Department-where Mr Stevens works. I got him back to the office no problem. Then I took off for my meeting.

I am such a mess I really do not understand how I have survived to the age I have. I went all the way over to the Buffmire building, transferred out of my seat into my power chair and went into the building to find I was in the wrong building—it seemed to take another to minutes to find the building I wanted was the Blind Center(division of services to blind) a number of blocks North of where I was. So, I rushed back to the van, transferred and headed for the blind center. To the Blind center in fairly good time, just a few minutes late for the meeting only to find the “up” switch on my drivers seat is broke—it would not move and I was then effectively trapped in my van. Luckily, I had my cell phone with me and had this realy strange argument with the switchboard operator at the blind center about having someone walk back to the conference room in the building and let someone know I was out front. This necessitated four separate calls—the operator insisted on giving me the phone number for the room but would not connect me or have someone go down to the room and let them know I was out front. I had to hang up and then to call into the meeting!!! I finally did get someone from my meeting who came out and got my data. I made my apologies and sped off.

Now I am heading South to Sandy Utah where my wheelchair van shop is located. Mobility Solutions is the place and Justin the owner always works with me and he did so today. 45 minutes and forty bucks later I am mobile in all ways and heading North to my office. I pull into my office parking lot and park my van in the “designated parking are(handicapped park) slots with enough room to download my wheelchair lift. Predictably a person zooms up and parks ,jumps out and runs into the building leaving me trapped in the van again. Luckily this person did not take long. I was downloading in about 15 minutes I finally get back to my office about 2:30 pm and I am exhausted, disheveled and ready to go home but I still have a couple hours to put in before I can head for home. I returned calls and took calls and related my experiences to my staff and caught my breadth.

Time Evaporation

Jennifer just called from the Sister City program—that project I am part of trying to better understanding and attitudes between East and West: the Russians. A couple of weeks ago he came up with this idea to bring a bunch of the Russians over to Utah this Summer. When we spoke of the project I said “sure no problem bring them over”. Now, the only son I am part of this group is because I am a person with a disability and Jennifer really wants to bring some Russian folk with disabilities over to expose them to the glories, wonders and pure thoughts of people with disabilities here in hopes of beginning to right things there.

Today Jennifer informs me that the Russians cannot make it in September as we were anticipating and the only other time they can even consider would be the last week in July of this summer. And is that OK with me? Why me? I wonder and as we get deeper into this call I realize that Jennifer expects me to be doing a lot of the leg work for this Russian visit. Housing and Transportation is of course what my responsibilities will include.

Housing: Jennifer is real hot on the idea of putting these people she brings over from Russian in homes with I real Utahans as apposed to having these folks stay at hotels. Jennifer brings over a lot of medical professionals—who usually stay with other docs and nurses in the community. Jennifer’s idea now is to do the same with crips and, of course, it is my job to start finding people with wheelchair accessible homes which will open them us to strangers from another continent. We are thinking we’ll need to find enough room for at least four wheelchair users.
Dianne and I are thinking about it—that would be one place and I’ll check with the independent Living center and I am sure well find a couple of other places with little problem when the press is on.

Transportation: is going to be almost as critical as housing. We are going to need a couple of wheelchair vans to use for our wheelchair people. I gave Jennifer a list of options for these visitors to consider while visiting and this require a significant amount of running round. It dawns on me that Jennifer is looking to me for a lot of direction on this project and now we have a month less time then I was anticipating.

So it’s the last of February I still have four full months to work things out “what me worry?” These are the words of a great visionary that I must take to heart. Still best I had better get ball. Better to get these issues covered now then sweat the stress later.

More Parties

Yesterday was Anakah's celebrated birthday, or the family party. Seven years old and queen of the party. Lots of presents, lots of family and lots of cake. Bridget and Gabe had the party at their home and it was one of the ALL family functions to be held there. I was a bit worried the house would not be large enough for everyone but surprise surprise everyone fit comfortably. Great Grandmother Smith was the oldest at 95 and Hannah at four, so 91 years of history. There of course were family who could not be present and we missed them. But there were enough there to have a great time. Brooks was there with his new girlfriend, Theresa and Jack and the boys and Carla and her parents and boys. I have a clip on my youtube account. I am going to try to import the clip into this entry but I have not had much luck with the technology lately if not check out “meadowlarkmark” at Youtube. I am continuing to read RFPs and working on the mental health website between parties...I'm exhausted.

Happy Trails Ron

It was snowing when I left for work this morning. The local media had been talking about this storm front fore the past week and I was surprised to see a couple of inches of the white stuff in the trees and on my ramp. I thought most of this reporting was just fluff. I had promised Dianne I would drive in today if there was snow, so I did. But now, the sun is out and a most of the snow that has fallen today is gone as the temperature hovers around 32 degrees. Weather Bug now reports that several bands of snow will hit the area over the next week or so. It’s going to be wet, messy and sometimes cold but this is all good to me because this kind of weather means Winter is in that seasons death throes. Spring is very close now.

My friend Ron died last night—unexpectedly. Ron has had some pretty serious medical issues over the past couple of years but I thought he was sort of on top of these issues. Actually, Ron is more of an acquaintance then a friend, though I do count him as a friend. I knew Row through his wife who occupied the office next to mine when I worked at independent living. Ron was one of those guys who just warmed you by his smile. Ron was a “straight shooter” in a friendly sort of way. You trusted Ron the way you would trust “The Duke” if you knew ”The Duke”. You could tell John Wayne was the Real Deal just the way Wayne carried himself. Ron was like that. His eyes made me want to eat a burger he had barbequed. He was well done and deep flavored. I thought I had more time to change my acquaintance with Ron into a real friendship. I didn’t. I lost my chance and I truly regret the lost opportunity. I wish Ron well as his continues to where he is going. I am sure that smile of Ron’s will more them show him the way to proceed. In fact if I know Ron, that smile of his will be a lantern for other who may be lost, and I believe will show them the way to an even bigger and brighter light. Ron I am glad I had what short time I did with you. Farewell./

Serving the Pie

I am currently reading letters of intent for possible Request For Proposal(RFP)s. I sit on a board wit has access to a small pot of money, a few hundred thousand maybe a half a million over a year’s time, which we grant out to agencies and organizations which come up with a new, better way to disseminate skills and programs to people with disabilities and their families through out the state.
I have been on this board more then ten years and I have gone through as many funding cycles. The grants are puny—I cannot believe as many people contend for them as do. I guess money is money and when you are a “small fish” and nutrient on the top of the pond is worth fighting your way up to the surface for.

I never really paid attention to this board before a couple of years ago. It was just some board I was assigned to go to about 12 15 years ago when I labored in another vineyard. I often got these assignments when the executive director did not want to participate in the event but wanted to keep the agency a part of them project. Anyway, a fairly decent lunch four of six times a year. We first do these Letters of Intent then we decide what we want to consider and ask for the RFPS and then we have to read the submitted proposals and adjudicate who should get the money. Of course what I have outlined is a bit simplistic but essentially the way it is. Like I said I did not think much of this until one of my buddies became an executive director himself and started writing for some of this money. He tried and tried and tried but as of yet has never made it past the first rounds. I actually helped get his Letter of Intent accepted to the proposal stage My buddy has become so discouraged in the process he does not submit anymore swearing the process is fixed and the same people or programs continue to get the funding. He may be right. I don’t know how to change this system or even if there is a way to change this system.

The proposals are quite lengthy and much of the proposal is just boiler plate. The proposals have to be read though and so I do. Some years there may be as many as 30 –40 proposals! This takes a couple or weekends. What I have noticed that many of the proposals are the same as the proposal the agency submitted in the last round. The director just changed the cover page and submitted the document. This really began to piss me off when I recognized this behavior. These guys were too lazy to think of a new project. They were just recycles. The other thing which really irritated me was that there is no thinking going on “out there” no originality. I am beginning to make comments on the papers as caustic as Simon Cowell of American Idol. Every once in a while a good proposal does surface, and when it does I really am delighted.

Serving the Pie

I am currently reading letters of intent for possible Request For Proposal(RFP)s. I sit on a board wit has access to a small pot of money, a few hundred thousand maybe a half a million over a year’s time, which we grant out to agencies and organizations which come up with a new, better way to disseminate skills and programs to people with disabilities and their families through out the state.
I have been on this board more then ten years and I have gone through as many funding cycles. The grants are puny—I cannot believe as many people contend for them as do. I guess money is money and when you are a “small fish” and nutrient on the top of the pond is worth fighting your way up to the surface for.

I never really paid attention to this board before a couple of years ago. It was just some board I was assigned to go to about 12 15 years ago when I labored in another vineyard. I often got these assignments when the executive director did not want to participate in the event but wanted to keep the agency a part of them project. Anyway, a fairly decent lunch four of six times a year. We first do these Letters of Intent then we decide what we want to consider and ask for the RFPS and then we have to read the submitted proposals and adjudicate who should get the money. Of course what I have outlined is a bit simplistic but essentially the way it is. Like I said I did not think much of this until one of my buddies became an executive director himself and started writing for some of this money. He tried and tried and tried but as of yet has never made it past the first rounds. I actually helped get his Letter of Intent accepted to the proposal stage My buddy has become so discouraged in the process he does not submit anymore swearing the process is fixed and the same people or programs continue to get the funding. He may be right. I don’t know how to change this system or even if there is a way to change this system.

The proposals are quite lengthy and much of the proposal is just boiler plate. The proposals have to be read though and so I do. Some years there may be as many as 30 –40 proposals! This takes a couple or weekends. What I have noticed that many of the proposals are the same as the proposal the agency submitted in the last round. The director just changed the cover page and submitted the document. This really began to piss me off when I recognized this behavior. These guys were too lazy to think of a new project. They were just recycles. The other thing which really irritated me was that there is no thinking going on “out there” no originality. I am beginning to make comments on the papers as caustic as Simon Cowell of American Idol. Every once in a while a good proposal does surface, and when it does I really am delighted.

Karma

There seems to be another family upheaval, which I am not going to go into here because of promises I made to my mom about airing family business in this blog—which is not what I do intentionally but some times things creep in. But for now things seem at pretty high stress levels as family members mobilize to find some assisted living options for a senior about to be homeless.
I don’t know how this crises happened but we have become the story you always hear of second hand, from someone at the office, or on the train or the plain but always the story of a situation you cannot conceive of happening to you or your family. In my job as an information officer regarding disability questions I hear this exact same story every day and I always hang up shaking my head in disbelief and muttering “people, people, people”. Well, now I must be one of those “people”.

What if I am the one being taught the “lesson”. What if I am being humbled at the expense of my mother? My lesson being that “I never, never judge anyone because you don’t know what they have been through” or you know part of what they have been through or one side of the story. I tend to wax prideful and acknowledge I need to be brought down a peg or two from time to time. Usually when this happens the fall-out is usually contained to my own perimeter. Not much I can do now to accept the consequences, assist in the damage control and hopefully be a positive force in the healing process. Families are and life is so weird.

My boss is so cool. A disability legal advocacy shop not far from this office just replaced their executive director (ED)who moved on a couple of months ago. The interim director, who was also their advocacy person ended up being made the permanent ED which is cool. Matt is a good, conscience guy an will make a fine ED. However his position, Director of Advocacy is now open. So my boss has been on the phone all afternoon calling friends and colleagues she feels might be appropriate for this position. I hear of networking and people talk about networking but Claire is really the only person I have seen and heard who has been power networking. Even if none of these folks get the position Claire has developed tons of great karma and good feeling spreading the word. And she is not just being a good guy. Claire is doing her job: strengthening her position in the community and by doing soothe position of the whole office. Now how great will it be for Claire and the office if one of these leads she passed out does get the position? Claire gets a good and strong friend and ally for life. Claire has been in this position for nearly a year now and she has made the transition. Claire is the boss learn from her.

Gifts

My Aunt Elaine turned 85 this weekend and we were invited to the grand dame’s party. Aunt Elaine is my mother’s “ baby sister”and the only member of my mom’s immediate family left alive. We got the call last week the party was going to take place this week. We got our food assignment: dinner rolls. I picked up three dozen at Sam’s Club on Saturday before and I have to admit that the whole bag of rolls were consumed, that hardly ever happens.

The party was held in the Elaine and Jess’s club house at their new condominium and Dianne and I were invited. We were the only ‘ outsiders’ everyone else, as far as I could see were Haroldsons in one form or another. The three dozen rolls I took swiftly vanished which means that at 36 people were there and most likely more. Most of these people were from one family of the Haroldson kids. Terry Jess the oldest of the Haroldson kids, and his immediate family is huge an stretches well 30years. I was messing in my head Sunday, that if all of the kids showed up and brought their families there would be well over a hundred souls at the fest.

It seemed everyone else brought a hot dish, I saw a green bean casserole, a lot of mac and cheese(built from scratch) funeral potatoes and a couple of vats of lasagna. I was going to try and go with out eating anything but eventually I broke down trying the beans and potatoes. The beans were pretty good but the funeral spuds could have been a lot better but they were good enough.

We always get invited to these things and I never think that is because we are special and that maybe these invitation is not a across the boards to all other families of the extended family. I find this difficult to believe but maybe do to the food and space limitations there are limits as who gets to attend and who does not.

The grand and great grand children were all wearing costumes; something my cousin, Judy had come up with. Girls in princess outfits and boys in any kind a costume they saw fit. I saw one batman, a cowboy and various other outfits, which were developed after the kid got to the party. The outfits had something to do with my aunt’s youth. In fact the boys were given little fake mustaches to wear. Later Dianne later assisted Judy in assigning “names from history” to each child i.e. ‘Butch Cassidy’ ‘Jane Seymore’ ‘Theodore Roosevelt’ etc. I do not know what kind of impact names and costumes had on my aunt but kept the masses entertained and that as he commercial say is “priceless”.

I am sorry to report that this may, well in fat, be my wonderful aunt's last birthday. She looked indeed frail. I hope not, but each day of life to seniors of their age is indeed a gift as each day nof life for me is a gift. I hope we all appreciate our gifts.

Posts Light

It is so easy to slough off. Its been two days since I last posted. It gets easier and easier with each day which slips by. Even this post will be way light and hopefully heavier, meater posts, big and beef posts will be coming soon I hope.

My main job here is Information and Referral—I’m an operator, plain and simple. I am OK with that. It’s what I signed up to do when I left Independent Living. My office is affiliated with the State DD Council and for one reason or another my office has been pulled closer and closer to this other office to the point I am often afraid that our Information and Referral service may loose our identity. I attended a meeting this morning at our local transit authority. It was a transportation meeting. I went because a coupe of months ago I was placed as “staff” of the DD council’s Transportation Committee. So, I was the natural squirrel to attend the transportation meeting. So, even if transportation is not what I was hire for at this position I doing some transportation again.

You all may remember that I was the Transportation Coordinator for nearly 15 years when I was attached to the local independent Living Center. My job was to be the thorn in the transit authority’s side. I was the Authorities reminder they were under serving Salt lake consumer’s with disabilities. It felt like “old home week’ when I pulled into the parking lot this morning. I got there about an hour before the meeting was to start and a half hour before the door o the authority was unlocked. When the doors were finally opened I went inside and headed for the bathroom. I drove my van in and when I drive my van in I basically have to redress myself each time I transfer from the driver’s seat to the power chair. So I beat it to the bathroom redressed by the time I had done that other folks were beginning to show up.

The transit authority provided a continental breakfast—juice and pastries, not bad—we had to twist their arms to provide coffee but eventually a couple of cups of joe were brewed. I once again failed to take images of the pastry pile not a single bagel to be seen. I was pleased to see this. Nothing depresses more then bagels for a continental breakfast. The Authority said they had planned for 60 consumers to be at this event but only 10 or 15 people showed and most of those were people with disabilities or people who served folks with disabilities. Why only crips? Actually there were a couple programs for folks who are low income. Where were the other agency and programs. Those folk who were in attendance happened to be the leaders of the radical disabled community; So we asked lots of questions and made nuisances of ourselves.

In short the system is going to offer less services at a faster rate an call this ‘smoke and mirrors’ operation progress. But it is all smoke and mirrors and nothing changes really. We made the grievances and management said we cannot judge the system until they have a chance to try to implement change. This is going to take at least year to fail but fail this system well. This is OK as long as the system fails everyone not just folks with disabilities.

Look Homeward Angel

“Hi my names Angel and I need to get buried.” I have to admit this on of one the stranger calls I have received. Of course I was not called by the little person herself since she had already passed but by one of the other private on-profits in the area seeking help for the family to bury their little girl. In fact, this has been a strange week to live in Salt Lake City. I have to admit I am still adjusting to the Trolley Square Rampage” I don’t what to think about it or talk about it but that is what I end up doing. This morning coming into work I was sitting next to my “train buddy Don” a conservative, local culture, guy whom I have let into my circle just because I tend to see him a couple of times a week. Don was griping on and on about how the local media will not just let the whole massacre go. The local media is beating the whole thing to death. “When will they let the whole thing go?” “When the whole thing stops selling toothpaste” I responded and then we realized that we were not letting ‘the whole thing go’. We stepped back a bit and laughed. Then we decided that this was our way of processing the events of this last week since neither of us were about to take advantage of any mental health supports offered by our respective employers. We laughed again and felt like a character from a Stephen King novel.

I noticed the flags at half staff, again, at the Arena, the old Delta Center, as I caught the train last night. I sighed and took a deep breath. I thought myself ‘ I have never seen the flag at half-staff as many times as I have the past couple of years. Now, they will probably be at half for at least a month! Maybe they-who ever they are- should save them some time and leave the flag for ever at half.

I remembered some where in my resource materials seeing something about a ‘burial fund’(BF). Thank god, I have never had to use this resource until today. I did a search on my computer and the County Burial Fund (BF) popped up. I called and the number rang and rang and rang…this was a little spooky I was about to hang up when the answering machine caught the call. Just a name saying they were the ‘Burial fund’ and to leave a message. I did so, quickly and hung up. An hour later, I got a call from the County District Attorney’s office it was someone named Cathy. Since the number I had initially called had not identified it self as the D.A.’s office I was a little started to hear this response. It was the lady from the Burial Fund. This was the right place and they had been contacted by a number of different folks about this little girl. Things were under control.

Now, it seems that the County Burial Fund offers the deceased remains the cremation. If the family, or who ever, wants a burial they are pretty much out of luck. She did give me this caveat however; the BF basically gives what funding it gives to the vendor doing the job i.e. the mortuary. If the mortuary can do the show for the price of a cremation the you got yourself a burial. Sounds like the mortuary will try to respect the family’s needs as much as they possibly can.

Don’t mind me I am just processing.

New Phone

Mark A stopped my last night with Jasmine to give me my birthday gift from them: a brand new cell phone. I have admit I was pretty excited at getting the new device and the process of switching over to the new phone. The process was complicated and I dare say I would have been quite lost with out Mark A’s intervention. I have enjoyed my old cell phone but the battery was not really holding much of a charge any longer an Mark advised me a whole new phone would cost nearly as much as the battery and he then sold me on the idea he would obtain the phone for me as my birthday gift. I have been playing with the phone all day trying to figure out new phone. Many of the features on this phone are similar to my old phone and some are just different enough I will have to spend time with the manual. I miss my ring tone and I will have to get a different then I have now. But the phone has a camera but not a flash: I don’t think it needs a flash from the quality of images it has taken so far. I even think there maybe some form of recording device with the cell phone similar to my camera. I have to invest in another charger so I will have a charger to either carry in my back back ( so I might be able to charge anywhere) or leave at my office so I can charge during the day when I need to. I might be able to get away with just having one charger but we will see. I would have o be way responsible for living with just one charger. I am also considering getting a blue tooth wireless headset. I make or get so few calls it would be hard to justify but sure would look cool with that lump of blue plastic snot hanging out of my like cancer ands me rolling round talking to my self like a candidate for Valley mental Health Services. I have to figure out how to send images from my computer storage area to cell phone so can get some more exciting wall paper.

All through this process I am trying to convince my self At how much I welcome change and embrace growth the exploration of new ideas and technology. I think the most reassuring thing mark told me last night as we transferred all the data from my old phone to the new was if something should happen to your new phone you can just have the old one set back up for use. This was very re-assuring to me.

I when I transferred into my power chair this morning to get to the train I noticed the batteries had not charged during the night, even though I had taken special measure to make sure the was plugged in and charging. So I took the van in this morning up to the station. I had enough juice to get from the station to the my office. I called the Magic Rest and I plan to drive into work tomorrow and then at lunch have TECH’S check out my chair. I think the non charging ha something to do with the controller being so loose. I really do not want to do that much rolling round at lunch but I fear I must…it’s always something

Old Friend

Sunday morning we often have the radio with NPR playing in the background as white noise. Coffee sometimes bacon and eggs or just conversation and NPR’s usually Sundy Edition and what ever follows. The affiliate we listen to has recently started running Living On Earth. I don not remember quite what I was doing when all of the sudden I heard the name “Guy hand” come across. The story which had just been renderd had been rendered by M hand. My head snapped up and I was alert to the radio and the noise.

When I was in high school ( you might remember from earlier blogs that I was forced to attend the cross town high school because of my wheelchair) and one of the friends I had at Borah High School was Guy Hand. We actually double dated to my Jr. Sr. prom together. Guy was a good friend as long as we knew each other. But after graduation we seemed to drift apart, as people do. We should not have since we attended the University, but we did. And then thirty years pass just like that! Viet Nam, marriages, Univeristy, earth quakes, the Berlin Wall, personal computers, X-Files and the INTERNET. Guy Hand was one of the few guys with a brain I remember from high school. I think I would have loved to had discussions about the previous subjects.

Anyway in a flash my mind was flood with all these thoughts thinking could this be the same Guy Hand? In the context of Sunday’s show the announcer indicated that he lived in Idaho. This was way beyond coincidence I figured that the name combination of “Guy” an “Hand” is pretty rare. So I started the whole Google search and found ‘Guy Hand” and was rewarded with numerous listings of Guy and his production company. There was even a couple of historical references to Boise and the NPR affiliate for the Gem state which just about removed all doubt. But it still could be a son or other name sake relative.

This morning I found Guy’s email and blasted a short email before I headed into to my advisory board meeting. There was return email if my mailbox when my meeting was done. This Guy hand was the same Guy Hand I hand know so long ago. Guy seems to have done well socially and economically. I donot remember Guy being as artistic as he had turned out to be. I hope to get to know Guy a little better and see what things he can teach me. Guy has been all over the country and the world. He has had the life people dream of and make situation comedies about. He is one of the few with the courage and means to “come home” to return to his roots. Check out his work at http://guyhand.com/.

Today was my advisory board meeting. Only two people showed, actually only one and the other came in by telephone. He lives in a city 50 60 miles North of us and he is blind. I thought about having Barstow his service dog drive but decided against it since Barstow is not certified for a state vehicle. The meeting was OK—I will essentially have to have it again in 90 days but it was a good meeting.

$6.00 Burger

For once the item I got when I ordered actually looked similar to the same item

Commercialized. I should have stripped off my back and pulled out my Nikon and zipped an image and now I have eaten the evidence. I had to exit the office on my lunch break and run up to Jeannie’s and my route takes me right pass the Downtown Carl’s Jr. I have never been impressed with Carl’s menu and when ever one of Carl’s(CJ’s) commercial I always hoot it up exclaiming ‘the burger never looks like that”./ I had actually brought in a pretty some hotdogs and a can of soup but with the time crunch with the errand I decided I would just check out CJ’s one more time.

I have been seeing the latest CJ’s add showing a “$6.00” burger. I ordered the burger against my better judgment. Actually I was astonished to see that CJ’s offers a fairly wide Mexican menu specifically taco( ground beef tacos) CJ’s offer a platter of three tacos with Rice and beans for $4.99—that’s what I really wanted but could not justify the price and the mess. So I got the one paddy $6.00 meal, made from real angus beef. I wanted to ask served “if the “$6.00” menu is made from ‘real angus beef’ what are the regular Carl’s burgers made from. I would have asked but I did not know enough Spanish.

One of the things I have noticed the past couple of years is that the burgers I have ordered tend to be on the rare side and not a good ‘rare’ either ‘rare’ in the sense that the frozen meet paddy has barely had time to thaw before the ‘cook’ puts in on your bun. When I get is a soggy card board testing item they call a hamburger. So when I order a burger these days I always order they cook the burger well done.

I did all these things today at Carl jr’s and the burger came in a little box again I was surprised at how heavy the burger felt in it’s cute little box. I got rid of the burger box immediately since I had planned to eat the burger “on the roll” back to my office. I HAVER TO ADMIT I WAS TOTALLY IMPRESSED the burger was actually steaming when I pulled the burger free of the box and unwrapped it. The meat looked crisp too, the meat looked well done. The paddy was huge and the huge hunk of lettuce tried to ride the burger as well as the tomato onion goop. The burger could have been better if I ha stayed to eat the sandwich there. I would have added more salt and pepper, mustard and catsup. But as it was I had to eat on the fly. I stopped outside the establishment wrapped the open burger in a couple of provided napkins and trashed the rest. This was a great burger…I wished I had taken am image.

Messy Me

My Computer room is a mess. I have spent great part of today trying, unsuccessfully, to clean it. I have managed to throw some stuff away and managed to gather like parts of other things into respective parts. Bills and letter into boxes I plan to sort and file when I can get to my file cabinets, CDs and DVDs and computer software disks in another container to sort and file or throw away on yet another day all of which gives the room cleaner look. It’s a lost cause though I just know it’s a lost cause. I have never been able to keep anything clean and tidy. I envy people who can keep their environments neat My rooms have always been this way, as have been my school desks and refridgerator. I think I have a brain injury which does not allow me to see how to clean or arrange things neatly. This was so long before my accident so I cannot use the wreck as an excuse. Maybe I am just too lazy to put things away when I am finished using them.

I can recognize “clean” when I see clean and I appreciate it. I work better when I have a clean desk or counter top. I get dressed faster and I feel more creative so why cannot I keep things clean? I wish I new. Like in the third grade, in Mrs Peterson’s class. My desk was on the last row of desks right to the left of Pam Turner’s. My desk was a mess as usual. I secretely loved it when the teacher made the whole class clean their desks like on ‘parent’s night’ Since everyone else was cleaning their desks no one noticed how bad my was. My desk was crammed full of stuff, papers, glue and books. If I remember third grade was the first grade we could keep things in our desks. I do know it was the first year I was able to keep Elmer’s glue in my desk: white Elmer’s Glue. I was fascinated with Elmer’s the way it came out all gooey and then dried to a smooth hard surface. I had found this out once or twice when drops had fallen on my hands and dried but had never intentionally. I don’t why I did what I did that day maybe I thought I was safe behind the chaos of my desk, I don’t know. But I managed to squirt a thick covering of glue over all my fingers. I was so enthralled in my project I completely lost track of Mrs Peterson. I usually had a pretty good early warning system that let me know when Mrs Peterson was near but not this time. The glue was hardening to a fine glaze when suddenly I felt my flannel shirt being yanked hard from behind. It was Mrs P- and she was in a rage. I had never seen her in a rage and never at me. I donot think my feet even touched the floor as I sailed over to the sink. Hot water splashed my hands and I still remember Mrs Peterson roughly scourging fingertips with that brown course paper grade schools used.

I don’t remember much after that or the consequences of my actions—I just some how tied the event to my chaotic desk. It’s late now and this weekend is nearly over. But, next weekend is a holiday weekend giving me an extra day. Maybe I’ll do better then.

When I was Just New

The first home I remember living in was a green shade house at 602 South Latah in Boise Idaho. I did not know what “ green shade” meant but I knew that if I were lost I was supposed to tell the finding person that I lived in the “green shade house on Latah next to the canal. I lived in this house from 1951 to about 1956. The house had a main floor two bedrooms and a utility room which acted as a bedroom for my brother when he was in town. Then there the “downstairs” an unfinished basement made up of a furnace and coal room and food storage area. In the later years at the house on Latah my dad finished a bedroom downstairs for my brother Ross and me. Perhaps one of the best features of the basement was the whole back end was unfinished and when I say “unfinished” I mean unfinished. The whole rear of the basement was dirt!. Ross and would spend hours down there when it was either too cold or went to play outside. We built road and small communities. When our mother got a new washer and dryer from Sears we got the huge boxes and made great forts out of them. I remember we hid in the boxes and threw clods at the one light in the ceiling until we broke it and screamed until our mother came downstairs to see what the problem was.

I think our house sat on two lots. We had a huge yard with two huge trees on the South side of the house and further South were some sheds and a more land, undeveloped about half the size of the yard round the house. There my dad had goats and beehives right on the banks of the Ridenbaugh canal. A bridge crossed the canal just south of our property and in the summer teenagers would hang round the bridge to swim and more then once the teenagers toppled my dad beehives into the canal. My dad one year build my brother and I a playhouse. The playhouse was a good sized structure and later the playhouse was changed to a woodshed. We filled the shed with wood my dad would bring home from his shop. Dad would bring home wood crates furnaces were shipped in. We would knock the crates apart pull out the nails and dad would then saw up the wood for firewood.

Today was cloudy buy still warm and pleasant for February. I remember on days like this mom would pack a lunch, peanut butter and jelly and I remember mom would pour milk into some bell canning jars with lids and put the whole lunch into a knapsack and send me off to the field South of our green-shade house where I would have a great adventure.

I was the baby of the family when we lived on Latah. My big sisters would make great dishpans of popcorn and watch TV with me when TV was brand new and so was I. My oldest brother was in the Air force and had a great motorcycle. My other older brother had a great gass-mask he kept on the post of his bunk-bed in the hall way. This was a magical time for me.

Double Your Pleasure Double Your Fun

You know how weird it is when you go a forever without thinking of something or somebody then all of the sudden these item are all over your ‘radar’ just out of the blue. Remember how This happened yesterday I was talking with a friend of mine and she just happened to mention a set of twins I knew at one time when I first started working in this State twenty odd years ago. Two lads from up North working for an independent living center; these guys were smart though more likely brilliant. They disappeared into the bowels of Higher Education lost in the maze of graduate work and post graduate studies and surfaced a decade or so later in the National Capitol. Both are well entrenched in the Washington scene and high level positions in the current administration. Well, for what ever reason the lads are returning to Utah and are looking for housing.

So here are more people with significant disabilities who have made “good” and very well could be splendid role models for younger folks with disabilities. What is really exciting for me is these guys are looking for downtown loving, like apts or condo’s but they are in Dc and I am here so I offered my services. I plan to get some information and take some images of projects going up in Salt Lake. This should be entertaining and useful data. Again, in my experience of working with people with disabilities very few of us ever make dollars at the level needed to even generate homeownership questions. Because these type of questions have not been asked the lists and resources have never been generated. So hopefully now these lists shall be.

I have a great boss! I am really fortunate to be able to work in an office with a boss who really understands and continues to work at understanding the myriad of disability issues and questions. I was fortunate to know her when she was just like me a lowly State worker. But she got the job of director of this office. Her transition in the position has been most interesting. I have, of course, been able to watch her grow and she has grown. This is the first time I have been able to witness this at such close proximity. She had to come on and be tough, lay some ground work yet stay approachable and be the leader. I had the prior boss fairly will trained, not necessarily me but the staff in general; for instance, rather then marking over time on the time-sheets I would just take the time off at the end of the day or week or time period. Well, a lot of other staff were doing the same but there was some obvious abusing of time going on. So this kind of time using was suspended. In fact I was not even getting my over time and then that is a problem. But I just asked her about how to code the time I spent with the Russians last week…and she just said “just take the hours off tomorrow afternoon”. And so everything is as it was and life goes on.

Roll Model

Teyve in Fiddler on the Roof’s, If I Were a Rich Man sings “ If you’re rich they think you really know”, I am finding that if you work at an information and referral line everyone assumes I know everything. This can get a little heady if one starts to believe what people are saying about you. I just got off the phone with my buddy Steve, a fairly high official in our fair State government. Steve is an attorney training, bright, middle aged single and significantly disabled. Steve’s disability is progressive and quite frankly I am surprised that the lad is still alive. Like many neuro-musculature, progressive disabilities it not the disability which kills the person but secondary issues like respiratory o urinary which finally “offs”

the person. I get the impression that Steve saddles up his power wheelchair every day and drives his van up to the State capitol building where he has his office. If Steve has done this the past six weeks he has exposed himself to probably lethal quantities of Salt Lake city aversive air pollution. Yet the boy still lives.

Everyone knows that attorneys are or can be jerks. I used to think Steve fell into this category and he probably does to some degree. Be that as it may, I want to say I appreciate Steve for all his irascibility. Steve lives a fairly high visible life style. It is not unusual to see Steve sitting on the sidelines at the local NBA home-team with beautiful girls adorning his side. He is the only person with a disability I know living the “highlife”. I appreciate that and I a appreciate him being the roll model ( no pun intended) for other folks with disabilities.

I happened to run into the lad over the Christmas holidays and I was taken aback at how “gray” the lad had become. I am not really sure how old Steve is but I know he must be close to his fifty’s now if not now in his fifties. I was struck with the thought this attorney is not going to live for ever and I was saddened a bit. If and when Steve “kicks” and Steve will kick. I am afraid sooner then later, the local disability community with suffer a great loss. This loss will not be the loss of a leader or someone who made huge changes in legislation or disability issues but what our community will loose is a great player. One of our own who burst white “entitlement ceiling” and went pro in his own right. Someone who had the ability to purchase “season tickets” on the floor and did. This is not an obituary for Steve is very much still with us and I hope so for some time to come. I donot see a contender out there in the wings any where or in the bull pen.

So Take care of yourself Steve, Indulge, by all means, so that we flunkies with disabilities can vicariously live through you and have a goal to consider. But remember ‘wisdom in all things”.

Laaaaate

My Late great Birthday Cake!!!!

I was 90 minutes late to a meeting this morning and I did not really care. What a poor attitude. Actually I had the time written in my planner and on my electronic calendar for 11:30. I remember thinking that 11:30 am his was a weird time when I checked on my meetings for the week on Monday. This group has never been too much into lunch meetings but oh well, who am I to challenge change? Well, the meeting I was late for actually started at 10:00

Actually I had another meeting which started at 9:00 but this meeting was a “telephone” meeting and this meeting over lapped the other meeting but not by much but I figured I had the time.

Like I said I got into this meeting at11:30 and I was even smug when the other participants indicated ‘It was good me to drop by”. I smugged them by saying “I got here right on time by the timer listed in my day-timer’ And looking like I meant it. I rolled in on one of Major Peter’s diatribe on what ever the Peter is into this week. Major Peter or MP is your typical class clown, and not class like “class” but class like social strata—this guy really thinks he is hot snot just because he was once military and an officer. Now MP may have been what MP says he was but I’ll bet this vision is highly filtered. I know of MP would have ever been sent into combat he would have been fragged. MP just drones on and on and on using what he deems as quasi-military witticisms. I had only been there thirty minutes as was already bored and anxious out of my mind. The other poor souls sitting round the table were doodling, playing on their cell phone or \day dreaming about their March wedding. We had a speaker who was nearly tharn and getting \ready to bolt when MP was called out of the room for one thing or another. Those of us still conscience at this point were able to pull something out of the meeting in the time left. We had scheduled and all but dismissed by the time MP came back into the room. Even though we had just about finished the meeting MP drug the experience on for another thirty minutes and finally I was able to escape to my van and careen back to my office.

The temperature today looks to have topped out at 50 sunny degrees! This is warm and almost hot day as the afternoon sun finds it’s way into my Western exposed window. From this point forward my office is hot in the afternoons till the Fall Equinox. Though I know Spring is till six weeks or so off. The Great Wasatch front still could lapse into sub zero temperatures and snowdrifts but every day, every spin of this old globe the sub zero probabilities of cold weather get slimmer and slimmer but most of all it’s beginning to feel more Spring then Winter or I may be just jumping the gun.

Double Exposure

Weekend papers in the office on Monday a.

My life is so weird. I finally got some time and energy yesterday so I decided I would see what I could do about getting my printer functional. I spent a couple of hours cleaning round my lap top in hopes I would find the receipts I have of the machines purchase. But no luck . When I called a couple of weeks ago the person I had spoken with said to come in and maybe they could find the electronic receipt by scanning my debit card.

When I got to CompuUSA the store seemed nearly empty. I did my “roll-round” to check out what’s new then zeroed on the Customer Service desk. Where three teenagers were staring off into space, I approached the first young cashier told that I needed her to look up my purchase history so I could see if I had purchased the service package on my printer. The poor thing just stared at me like I was from another planet and speaking high level German. She finally held up one finger and back away and returned a few seconds later with Ned the Manager. Ned was ‘one’ of the floor managers and aske3d how her might help me. Now Ned was just a few years older then the front end staff but he had a white shirt and tie and an attitude of “full customer service”

Ned explained me that if I had a debit card we could start there and see what “pops up”. Ned further explained this was the easiest way to approach this problem. But, as is my luck nothing “popped up”. Ned finally asked for my phone number, which I thought Ned should have done from the first. And sure enough a service contract surfaced, pay dirt! But get this, there was no history of the printer but the service contract was for my Nikon digital that I had dropped a couple of weeks ago and broke, the very same camera that I replaced a couple of weeks ago. Asll of the sudden my printer was my second priority. I had totally forgotten I had purchased a service contract, for two years! It turns all I had to have done was to drop my camera off at the Service Desk. Oh no not me, I just bought a whole new camera. So now I will have two working cameras hopefully.

Later in the day Mark A and Jasmine came by. Mark A had indicted he would drop by sometime during the weekend and look at my printer. Mark A did something to the printer and sure enough it jumped into action. He does not know what he did but he did something—he says I did it but I doubt I had anything to do with it. But the printer works now. So I don’t have to fix the computer nor do I have to replace the computer. Now I just have to shepherd the warranty work through. And I can do that. Then Dianne told me the other HP-printer was not working so this is my next challenge. Actually this printer I have had for a couple of years and it’s time to move up in my computer world. I am ready to replace the computer with a new HP Office jet 5610. scans, prints and is a fax—I do not need a fax but the other two would be nice.

Equinox Now

Jasmine came over to model her new princess outfit

Equinox Now!

I finally got around to getting dressed and out the door a little after noon today. The sky was leaden and dark. But the day was WARM,comparatively speaking to what I have been enduring the last month the temperature must have been in the forties. It was Spring like outside my door. Oh the temperature was cool but I smelled wet forest or tees mixed with just the slightest wood smoke. I took a couple of deep breaths to make sure I was smelling right. I was instantly time warpped back to the Boise River pare-1966.

Th Boise River flows through the city of the same name. We lived in the south east region of that area just below Table Rock mountain. In fact the river bottom was about a 30 minutes walk from our farm. In the early 1960's the river bottom was largely undeveloped. There were a couple of homes down there and a saw mill had operated in the area at some time leaving traces of itself here and there and there were some fences we had to negotiate to get to the river's edge. The trees along the river were deciduous leaving massive piles of leaves where constantly in a state of decomposition. I the late autumn to Summer the increased moisture in the air from rain and snow gave a heavy wooded fragrance to the whole region.

John and Tom and my older brother , Ross. Seemed to spend a lot of time in this region. The whole area was a natural place for pare-teen boys. We explored endlessly. We had found the remains of cabins and an old boat dock which was in pretty good condition from when the rive had been higher. The boat dock now sat over a pond which had been left over when the rive must have cut deeper in it's path or the course had moved North. The pond was fed by a number of tributaries linking back to the main river.

In the winter we traipsed round the river with our shot guns in hopes of bring down ducks but Ross, who,owned an ancient “Long Tom” single shot 12 gage had the best probabilities of doing real damage to the fowl on the old river bottom. We all carries matches and when we could scare up enough fry wood would start a fire and smoke our corn cob pipes. Even during the wettest of seasons we could find enough dry leaves for a smoke.

In the Summer we would strip off our clothes and swim in the pond and if we were
more daring swim up the channels to the river itself. Not far from the cabin where the channels had been cut from the river were a number of small sandy beached islands with good foliage and trees. We would often on the Southside of these beaches taking care to stay out of view of the main flow of the river. It was common for people to float down the river in inner tubes.

In a flash, this morning I had all these memories and more brought back as I inhaled this morning's gift...It smells like, it smells like... Spring...

Family

There are three family birthdays this month—probably more but three in the Salt Lake County area and we celebrated them all today with a lunch at Chuck-A-rama.I was really expected a small group but by the time we ate lunch there was more then 12 of us there. The grand buffet and early lunch. We were in the mix with hundreds of seniors and huge Morman families scourging the piles of chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. There was some sort of fish offering but that fish is best left untouched. There is something just wrong with a buffet with only one meat selection. In the old days I would have bitched and moaned but today I just accepted the fare and ate. It was nice though being there with my brother and his family, and my daughter and son in law and grand daughter. My other kids were not able to be there and I missed them-Shelly is in another state and Mark and Brooks had to work.. It's just one of those things. I took my camera and fully intended on documented the event but from where I was sitting could just not get into the mood. I came away with no images at all. And perhaps that was best. So my birthday is past for this year and hopefully next year I will be more into the event.

I have a cousin Mike, Mike and I were born on the same day of the same year.We were pretty tight when we were younger. I have old black and white photos of us sharing the same party but having individual cakes. I remember being stuck in the middle of what seemed like a million cousins and there was a time when we came together often. But, I sort of felt like we were twins. Mike moved from Boise when I was seven and I did not see him again thirty or forty years. Then Mike came back into my life last year at the family reunion. What a shock. I thought Mike was long gone. I found out that my Mom has been in contact with my cousin all along. I felt this was weird for some reason. I had the same feeling last night when I called Mom to make sure arrangements were in place for today's lunch. She told me then she had just gotten off the with my cousin .Mom had called to wish him a “happy birthday”.She ended up giving me his phone number and suggesting I call him and wish him a happy birthday. Well, I was in the middle of a TV show and never got round to making the call. I still have not made the call but I intend to. I think I would like to be his friend but I am not sure I know how..

Groundhog's Day

Today is Groundhog’s day; this of course means that today is also my birthday! My fifty sixth to be exact and I am getting the feeling that 56 being on the short side fifty-five is a down hill slide to sixty and sixty years is a bunch of years and no matter how I dress the mess sixty years is no longer middle age I am soon on the beginning steps of “advanced age” and from there…

But today I am fine. I am into work doing the job. I have had a number of birthdays congratulatory phone calls even my brother Ross. This is very impressive for Ross to call me, first he has to remember the birthday then call me. Ross goes to work at 4:30 am so by the time I am at my office Ross has already been at work a half day and has to get to a phone and make the call. That’s it a lot of steps. He called and we visited for some time. The visit was a good visit. I have to admit I was and am impressed. Then my little sister, Leah called from Oregon, who is going through a major medical challenge and was kind enough wish be a happy birthday. Mark A also called and we able to have a good visit as well. He maybe coming over tonite to help me work on my printer to see if we can get the printer working again. Dianne called and wished me a wonderful day but we presents last night when I got home from my meeting with the Russians. Books and clothes a nice surprise for getting in late from a long day.

I have not heard that we are doing anything tonight to celebrate the event. I have been in touch with mom and we will be going to Chuck a Rama. I have learned that the Chuck a Rama eating format , I have found, is best for mom in that she is able to see what she is going to eat before she eats it. I do not know if any other family is coming but this will be enough.

Still something might be happening if Dianne’s kids want to do something. They like to go to dinner for celebrations but they don’t seem to like do things with my family-and that’s ok. So maybe we might do something on Sunday. And, maybe we will not do anything too and this will all be fine.

What I think is really weird is that I know I am getting up “there” in age but I still do not feel like I thought I would feel when I got to this spot. I mean as of today I will be sixty in four short years. 60!!! That’s a lot of years. Though I talked to one of my buddies today who is 66 and he is doing just fine and my next door neighbor who his to be in his latter 70’s maybe early 80’s and though he has the body of n old guy now. I can tell he is still thinking like I am now. So maybe it’s the body which feels the age you always see yourself as how you always have, unless, of course you have some major disease process which impacts your thought process then it doesn’t matter.

I`Still Hate To Perform

As a person who has had a major disability: spinal cord injury(which includes head injury I have both) tends to break their life into two parts before and after trauma. I enjoy my life and all thee is too it but I have noticed the more I blog and write the more I include experiences which predate my life as a person with a disability. I am wondering if I am trying to escape to a time I may have liked more then the time I inhabit now. Where it may be true I may be trying to do this finding a more pleasant time I doubt it is necessarily to do with my being able bodied or not. It maybe be just I am and old guy now and I maybe just revisiting memories of my youth because these times were so exciting.

Today is the first of February 1 and thirty or so years ago I would be smack dab in the middle of wrestling season. My older brother wrestled in high school and I had wanted to be just like him with I was too young to know any better. Carl did pretty well as I remember and I wanted to do just as well. Boise had just started Jr wrestling the last two years I was in grade school a couple of weeks about this time of the year on Saturday mornings we were dropped off at the Old Boise High school gym where the wrestling team would coach us kids and there would be a all city meet. In the 7^th grade then I started wrestling for my Jr high where I wrestled for East Jr. High every year and I did OK. I was beat once and only once and I swear the other kid choked me.

I seemed to have had a gift for wrestling and gymnastics—the only “gifts” I recognize I may ever have had. I just seemed to be able to do things with my body useful in those two fields. Be that as it may I hated wrestling—most of the time—I hated the work outs or practices two hours every night after school uring the season, I hated “making weight” the night before every match—even though I never had a problem it was just another way to fail and I did not need any further challenges to my self esteem. I hated match night because there I had to perform, alone go forward on the mat, shakes hand with your opponent in the great circle and then at the Ref’s whistle grapple for three two minute rounds or till one of the other were pinned and the match was over. I figured that if I did not get the job over in the first two minutes I was in major trouble. So usually I charged my appointment with enough aggression I usually got the “take down” and was able to drive home the pin-using my favorite the “Cradle”. I wrestled either 80-85 or 85-90 pound range. That meant I wrestled early in the meet. So, once I was done and had my pin I could be stress free the remainder of the night. Oh,my matches were not all pins by long way. I did my share of wrestling my opponent all the way to the end of the third round and for an even matched opponent this is a grueling event.

The accident ended all of this for me; no more 4^th period stress. I still get the “nerves” especially with public speaking, testifying acting or even leading a meeting—all of which I have to do through the turn of a world. I do not know if I would wish to return to Wrestling Thursdays but the event is till interesting to ponder at this distance.