Hang Time Day Four

I missed posting yesterday—things just got out of hand. The cold persists anf the snow fell most of the day yesterday but the snow was light and slick. I went out once to the store but that was enough. We had been out the day before and got the fixins for an egg foo yung dinner. It’s been months since I last attempted to cook the dinner and I really wanted to cook it again before the year is out. I was really expecting to cook this meal for Dianne and myself but later in the afternoon Aunakah called half out of her mind with bordem and she desperately wanted to come over. I did not have a problem with her coming over so when Dianne asked if I had an issue with her coming over I said no—have come over.

By the time I had got back to the house Anakah had heard we were fixing a Chinese dinner and somehow had been changed into a New Year’s celebration dinner and she was begging for her family to come over to join us. At first I was somewhat hesitant and a bit threatened thinking I did not have enough ingredients to feed the family but then I thought why not? We would just do the best we can and have fun.

I think the reason I felt threatened was due to never or seldom having to cook for a large family meal and I think I was a bit spooked that what I was going to prepare would not turn out. My fear of failure but I had Dianne’s support and help so I went to work doing the prep, getting the vegetables washed and chopped and got them all done by the time the kids arrived. When they came I put Ani to work breaking the eags and I fired up the wok and started sweating the vegetables while Dianne and Bridget set to work making the egg rolls—BGA and gave us a deep fat fryer for Christmas and we were anxious to break the fryer in. I had vegetables prepared and sweated and ready for the egg foo yung cooking to begin. To be honest I was a bit spooked to work around the amount of hot grease I would have to make the pancakes so I foisted the responsibility of cooking the egg foo yungs on to Gabe who did great. The egg foo yungs turned out great, a little greasy( we were using peanut oil) but they turned out great. I was pleased that I had prepared enough vegetables for about nine or ten cakes good size cakes, enough that we had leftovers. The same held true for the egg rolls Dianne made tons, huge egg rolls the size of junk yard rats. Dianne had also prepared a huge bowl of rice, and we had more then enough to please everyone and everyone seemed pleased.

The night and dinner was delightful, surprising so. The kids had to leave and prepare and for their trip up to the cabin early this morning, Dianne and I were exhausted so we left the dished for this morning, watched the news and basically went to bed.

So today I am just coasting enjoying the down time and the sunshine of today knowing more snow is coming and I will have to deal with the snow when I return to work on Monday. But today, I am enjoying this last day of the year and look forward to 2010. Happy New Year Everyone!!

Hang TIme: Day 2

The temperature did not get above freezing today and the day was dusted all day by a very light and fine snow. Anakah was over early, her dad dropped her off on his way to work. I had already made coffee and was on way to the shower when Gabe began beating on the front door. But the house was warm and toasty so I foisted Anakah off on Dian one and finished my morning process. Anakah scrambled eggs and helped Dianne fini9sh breakfast as I got dressed enough to be decent.

Today would have been a perfect day to stay warm and bundled in the house and watch the snow fall and cover everything. But that was not to be. Dianne had to go all the way downtown to drop off some paper work to the Medicare people which caused us to bundle up, dig out the van and head downtown. But new went, Dianne even drove the Interstate which totally surprised me—like many unpleasant plants like going in government offices on dismally cold days we chose to reward our selves by taking ourselves out to eat at one of our favorite joints the Shang Hi: Chinese and Thai cuisine.

We stopped at a little Asian market on the way to the restaurant. Dianne and I love this place. Very little English is spoken here which means the places is shopped by real Asians. This place has the freshest and largest shrimp I have seen in this city. The prices are great and everything to eat exotic from the fish to dried mushrooms of every kind and there one can get anykind of cooking utensils imaginable for Asian cooking. We got the shrimp and vegetables we needed for my egg foo young which I guess we well cook tomorrow.

We have been going to the Shang Hi all o our married life, the Shang Hi is the first restaurant which was ALL ours, one we found on our own. The Shang Hi is a weird place, as I guess all good places are. It seems they have had the same staff in place the entire time. There is one hostess who seems to have love hate relation with us. Some times she is all smiles and giggles to see us and at other times she is deadpan and cold as a fish in the freezer. Today she was the fish in the freeserer. Today she sat us all the way to the back of the restaurant, outer darkness—but regardless of Ms cold fish we had a great time: egg rolls, green tea and great dishes and good memories.

Hang TIme Day !

Hang time day one: waiting for lunch Dianne and I meeting Bridget and Anakah some where for lunch so we now have to make the decision of where to go: restaurant of fast food. We want to stay in the are which truly limits our options but we’ll probably default to Dennys, Village Inn or somewhere else just as un imaginative. Our favorite Mex, Morellia’s would be OK but way too much cheese and cholesterol; Red Lobster is over rated And too much grease and the mall food-court is just fast food in a mall but does offer some positives everyone can have what they want but the Mall is just so pedestrian. Anyway, I am sure after we make the decision the event will be fun with B and A and D. Maybe I’ll get some images.

Ho Ho Ho

Ho Ho Like a Rock Star

I was surprised to learn my friends at the local independent living center had been following my medical escapades closely the past couple of months. I had thought it odd that that my buddy Kim had not yet called as asked that I be the Santa at the annual Center Christmas party. I have been playing the Christmas gnome for the fifteen or so years. It’s a good gig, and even an interesting gig but maybe a gig, I thought which was getting a bit old. As the date for the event drew closer I started thinking that maybe they were not going to call on me this year—which was fine with me. I would have to disrupt my daily schedule take public transit over to the center dress up in the Santa suit and then have to sit with consumers for at last two hours as they march up and have their picture taken with Santa and then have to retrace my steps back to my office to return calls and play out the rest of my day. I thought I could use a break. So I waited for the call and I was really beginning to believe I had been replaced when I happened to sit next to the executive director of the independent living center and she asked if I was coming and I related I had not yet been contacted.

The director assured me, emphatically that she/they most definitely wanted me to show up and play the starring role of the afternoon. I sighed and let her know that I would be delighted and have my friend Kim call me and work out the details.

The day off the event was beautiful—a perfect day for public transit. Kim had offered to send the van to fetch m from the train station, which was alright by me.

Kim and I have done this operation so much we seem to dance through the dressing ceremony, after I had been fed pizza in back of the/center’s “Great Room”. I slip on the wig and the beard and Kim slides the Santa top over my shirt and this year we don’t is the bright red pants and plastic boots which always looked hokey anyway. Dressed we thread our way to the front of the room by going the back way. No one has seen us yet—The director is leading the congregation in Christmas carols and she sees that we…I am ready and does the signal song,”Jingle Bells” which is the sign for me to start ringing my bells and making the great elf laugh of “ HO HO Ho.” I rev up my power shower and bolt out of the shadows and out into the crowd amid thunderous applause and yelling. I know it sounds corny but for a small instant I know “it’s me they’re coming to see”. For a moment I am a ‘big man” I am bigger then life” for these folk…for a moment I am a super star, their super star, for a minute I AM Christmas.

A Miner Christmas Miracle

I figured I had better write something today and post o just forget bout writing anything about the whole Holiday season! I wish I could report that this season has been super busy with shopping, parties, dinners and fighting horrendous weather like 10 foot snow drifts and gale force winds but no. What snow we did have has long melted, inversions have set in the valley giving us lot of sunshine and dangerously polluted air. I cannot tell the air is polluted when I go outside but a I can see the dirt hanging in the air just looking at the mountains when you can see the mountains there is and ugly brown smudge hanging in the air and I suppose that ‘smudge’ IS the pollution.

Dianne and I have essentially finished our Christmas shopping—we sort of got the immediate family covered, nothing for office mates and very little for neighbors. I could blame the lack of gifting to the economy but I much more feel the poor gifting s just me being, cheap, or lazy or both. I could use the excuse of last month’s biopsy but I do think that would be wrong but who knows how disturbed the event made me. No it’s just me being me. But anyway—yesterday we did get the opportunity to watch Anakah.

We were fortunate to look after Anakah a few hours as her parents made ready for Christmas: doing the last of the shopping and what ever. One of Anakah’s school class mate had a party and on of Dianne’s and my chores was to run Ani over to the event which in this case was clear over to the other side of the valley—but the sun was out, and fairly warm and we had recently filled the van with gas so why not? Besides getting out of the house and socializing might be a good exercise for Dianne and myself.

It’s atleast a thirty minute from our home to where Ani needed to go for hr party. In the best of driving conditions and we did not wish to have to make the drive any more then we had to so we decided we would drop off the granddaughter then find something to keep us occupied for the four hours when were scheduled to retrieve the girl. We thought about taking a movie, I am sort of interested in Avatar but the thought of battling holiday movie crowds was a bit unnerving. So we decided to find a restaurant in the neighborhood. This we found to be extremely difficult. We did find this little Mexican place just in this side of the Twilight Zone-our waitress barely spoke English and the locals looked at us like foreigners—which we were—Gringo invaders from east side. But we ended up experiencing a good meal even if we were culturally challenged. We still had hours to kill before we could get Anakah. So we decided to stop in at a Deseret Industries(DI) a major, local religion based second hand store here in Utah.

Checking out this DI , in this par of town, was almost as challenging as the restaurant experience. Hordes of non-English speaking families wandering the store, throngs of kids encamped in the toy section playing, moms inspecting the dish and glass section and the men picking over computers and computer parts looking for a deal, a step up into local white culture. Donated Christmas music played over the speakers. I powered my chair over to the book section looking for something to keep me occupied on my rides to and from work on the train. I looked at the kids, and I was saddened knowing this was “their” Christmas. This was the best the holiday was going to get for them—no new toys wrapped in plastic new and shiny—their were getting toys with pieces gone, or a bike not shinny and new but new to you—and workable or would be workable after dad or brother put a couple of hours of work and parts into the project, maybe a stereo which worked even if the speakers did not match, a CD player and maybe even a computer with a real
CD burner which could be made to work. I FBed my thoughts and was starteled when I received an answer from my daughter, Michelle, reminding me that these kids don’t care come Christmas morning, what matters to these kids is, there is something there for them on Christmas morning. They were remembered and they had “new” things for them.
Shelly, knows this she lived this to some extent and her response made my Christmas a little brighter…Merry Christmas.

All You Can Do

It’s Christmas time, right smack dab in the middle of the Yuletide holidays! Slowly, I have noticed the ‘holiday silliness’ infection creep over the office—similar to the phenomenon which invades school classrooms this time of year as teacher just try to maintain some sort of order as each day brings the children closer to the holiday break. My boss started her career as a school teacher, in fact, a seventh grade teacher, so she at least knows how to identify the holiday chaos monster.

We had a staff meeting today—two hours right out of the middle of our morning where we discuss among other things, how we were going to cover the office and phones over Christmas week. State says we have to have some coverage: I plan to take off a day before the great holiday and every day following Christmas and coming back after New Years. I have to do this to some degree so I don’t have my ‘earned vacation hours’ taken away—I need to take a good whack at my hours to bring my stack of vacation hours back into safe compliance for the start of next year.

We talked about the next round of cuts the State will be implementing immediately a possible 3% or more in cuts. This may burn me or not after the first of the year—and see. I think I’ll survive . Everyone just sort of blew the news away and sort of goofed—it Christmas. The boss had to act like a 7th grade teacher once or twice but we got through with only one staff being sent to the “principals office”, she probably just needed that a good ‘talking to’ can bring. One of the out of office program people brought in Christmas treats, weird things made out of pretzels and the rest of the afternoon decayed into holiday anarchy with work being accomplished on a call by call fashion and visiting with staff and support folk as they drop by, righting the afternoon off to “outreach”.

The building management has been remodeling the bathrooms, which serve our floor all week which makes staff have to use the elevator to access the middle floor of our building which is deserted but has workable bathrooms—its kinda scary to beam up there to take a wiz or in my case a tap. So down stairs there is major hammering, sawing and yelling as the labors labor. More chaos to the Holiday chaos.

I am trying to be a good little focused worker—I m going to play Santa tomorrow at he local independent living center—for video go to last year’s entry for December—or search the blog by “Santa” and you should b able to see the video of me being Santa—but I am getting excited as tomorrow approaches and I have been faithfully working at my desk but I noticed the boss bugged out early. I think in an effort to save her sanity. Sometimes leaving is all one can do with 7th graders.

Never on a Sunday

My new life of cathing and being involved with the medical industrial complex is beginning to take on some routine which, I am not is sure a good thing or not but I am doing it. And I am finding out the medical industrial complex (MIC) never sleeps.

This weekend was Dianne’s birthday and Bridget and Gabe wanted to prepare a dinner of Dianne’s choice which was a shrimp fest. Dianne figures she can spend the cost of one nice dinner at an upscale restaurant and feed four or five people nicely. Dianne has found this great Asian market where they sell huge shrimp fresh from the sea. Head in place along with flipper and slime, Of course, there has been little to no “processing” to the little scavengers but if a person is welling to “pinch a head” and “pull a tails” or two or more—like five pounds a great and exotic meal can be had—I guess this how folk from Louisiana eat their crustaceans. Luckily this is more hand dexterity then I have access to and luckily Anakah came over early to help us get ready for dinner and was dieing for something to do. So, Dianne and Anakah were busy doing the shrimp and I was stuck dicing and mincing garlic, onions, and celery. This was a real “Waltons/Norman Rockwell” moment—the whole day was, I spent hours with Ani teaching her some cord to play on the piano. The afternoon was kind of nice. We had turned NPR over when ‘Car Talk” had erupted out of the radio to “ classical Christmas, the other University affiliated public radio station—out side there was a winter storm which was supposed to have pounded the neighborhood with inches and inches of snow but did not . choosing to spit snowflakes intermittently round the yard mixed in a kind of grayish slush which fell from the sky like a biblical plague. The ground and atmosphere was to warm for any snow to lay down—but if one imagined a real snow fall while listening to the Christmas music coming from public radio, one could feel the Christmas spirit seeping in round the front door contaminating the whole house—this was when the see interrupted by the phone ringing.

Some weird sound duck was calling and asking for me by name. Who ever was on the phone a European accent so think—I thought the guy was drunk so did not pay much attention to the call at the onset. We tend to get these kind of calls from time to time, our phone number is one digit off a local car dealer ship and we have gotten all kinds of strange calls. It was only after the caller identified as a physician associated with my primary doc that I began to take notice of what he seemed laboring inform me that he had done another culture on my urine sample and he RX I had gotten earlier in the week would not work and he was letting me know that he had called a prescription on the new Rx which would work and that script was at my l\ocal pharmacy and I could pick it up at any time.

This was all happening on the speaker phone so I had witnesses. This doc was working and calling me on a Sunday—I was confused but in the end happy—I think this could have been another Christmas miracle.

Benign!

Dianne and I met with my doc today to discuss the multitude of medical issues I seem to be having with my life these days; particularly all the questions we have had around the “cathing experience.” Dianne had developed a list of great questions as well as data we have generated keeping all the information about times of cathng, amount of urine drained and description of the produced urine.

My appointment was for 0915 so I decided to take the morning off of work do my appointment then have Dianne drop me off at the office when we finished. We got to the university good time and checked into medical clinic I was going and soon enough we met with Katia who is my doc, really she is not a physician, but one of the PRNs who works with the “big” doc and she acts like a doc , does the doc talk and walk so she is my doc and she is as good a doc as I have every had. Katia, listens, really listens and spends huge amounts of time with Dianne ad myself, being patient and allowing Dianne and me discuss a question Katia might have asked until we can come some kind of conclusion. Katia make suggestions and allows me enough psychological to wrap my head around a concept to at least try what she has asked and report back the results.

Today was great Katia reported back on the conclusion of the bladder biopsy, which I had last week—she beamed as she reported that the results of the pathology report was I was just fine—no probably anything that was anything was benign: I was OK. What a relief one thing behind us we closed the door on tat discussion and began the next. It is time for my colonoscopy –its been ten quick years since my last one and she feels I need another—plus I have been having some issues with indigestion the past couple months and could she also do an upper G.I. rest called a GRD? She could and well and set up an appointment for sometime in the latter part of January which to me is all the way into the next year. I am going to take it easy. Tomorrow I have a dental appointment—I need to trade out the temporary crown I had put on a molar last month for the final crown. The appointment is in the morning and hopefully I should have all day and weekend to enjoy my new status of being what ever bladder problem free that it is I am now.

So now, I will start fretting the colonoscopy but not too much since I have already had one ten years ago and I am feeling pretty good. Katia and Dianne has some ideas for me o begin considering and trying out and even though some of the ideas are repulsive I believe the ideas are worth consideration…I am going to be fine…for now.

Hey Buddy Can I Get a Push ?!

The “up note” I left you all on last night as I began my homeward trek in the snow was quickly dashed. As I had predicted the snow which had been plowed had been dumped into curb cuts the cross walks and sure enough I plowed up to the tops of my casters, the first curb cut I tried to go down. I was a little started when red and blue emergency lights started flashing. There was police cruiser right there behind me and witnessed me plant myself in the snow. I was relieved when both officers exited their cruiser and pushed me free. I barley made it down the length of the block but was again snow trapped when I tried to cross the intersection to the train station. I actually remained there a couple of minutes until called someone to help me push me out.

I was concerned that making it home by my usual path might prove a bit hazardous-since I knew most of the sidewalks would not be cleaned. Etc and to remain in the street would be spooky with al of the traffic that venue seems to pull these evenings. My plan was to catch a bus which leaves the station and goes somewhat close to my house. I still think this was a good plan had I not gotten stuck in a snow bank. I missed my usual train being stuck and the next train seemed to take for ever to come and that train was late enough, that by the time I did get to the train station the bus I wanted was just taking off and I was stuck in the cold a half hour waiting for the next bus. The plan was OK, I got home later then much later then I would have liked but I DID get home.

Today, the snow has moved on and though the temps are cold the sun has been, shining and acting all hot and aggressive. I had my Assistive Technology Fund meeting across town and I planned to bus over to the meeting. I have found one route which goes right by the building I have my meeting. The best part is this particular route is right across the street from my office! As I said earlier, the sun was shining making slush and puddles but still there was piles of snow right where I needed to go and sure enough coming down the crown of the street into the cur cut I buried my front end in went slushy snow and again I just had to wait till some one actually parked and got out of their car actually two people did and pushed and rocked me until I was free.

We are currently in between storms, I think the next is day after tomorrow, which will be into my weekend which is good for me. I don’t think I have ever been stuck this many times from one snow fall. I Am just going to have to keep my cool and my cell phone handy and my pride buried as deep as I can because I have a feeling I am going to be asking a lot more people for help before this Winter is through.

Journey Home

The sun has just started to set in the cold, western winter’s sky. A think shroud of snow blankets the ground menacingly as I ponder my return trip to the house this evening, after 5:30,long after the sun has set and the super cold air settled in for the night. I cruised my chair to the train station this morning. The snow was falling, already deep falling during the night. I had to break new snow all the way to the station. Only once did I become concerned, when I was mounting the over pass, my foot had slipped from the power chair’s foot plate and I was bout half way up the arch and stopped my chair, aftyer I had replaced my foot back on the foot plate and I engaged my chair all I did was slip, skid and fish tail as I tried to progress up the over pass. I finally got back on track of backing up in my own tracks and slowly moving forward—I was able to catch enough grasp to continue my journey.

Ten hours have passed the snow fell and the sun did come out for a couple of hours but the temps never rose above 27 degrees! I am getting chilled just watching the daylight slip away. I know there will have been nothing done as far as any real snow removal for my journey home and what makes matter a bit worse light fluff snow which was plow-able early on will now have crusted over. If streets have been plowed I know the plows will have piled snow in drive ways and into curb cuts making it almost impossible to access sidewalks—as if sidewalks will have been scraped. I could try to make home, the back way, up over the overpass, but I am frightened I will have to be in the street most of the way and that is way too dangerous even for me.
So myplan is to take the train to my regular stop and there get on the State Street South coach which will drop me off just a couple of blocks from my house. This will take me longer to get home, but, I can stay in the coach and be warm. Plus I just got the all from home, the grandaughter is over tonight and since I am taking this approach to come home why don’t I stop by the KFC and grab some dinner . Why not.?

Life is choices and I am so pleased to be living in a place where I have so many choices for me. So now the setting sun is dropping behind buildings in the West and I am bout ready to start getting ready for my trip home. I’ll be OK. I’ll just dress warm and wonder into the cold, dark night.

This is a view of the sink in the men’s bathroom, I found on my return to work this morning and normally this blockage under the sink would not be an issue worth blogging about except that the blockage happened today and actually any day now would be a problem since I have started using the bathroom as my cathing suite at least once a day and since this weekend will most likely be twice a day.

Since I have started cathing in the bathroom I feel I need to have as much room as I can get to prep for each characterization. I have be able to get under the sink, have a fairly clean surface space to lay out the items I will be using, wash my hands and when I can get under the sink the layout as it stands seems to work fairly well. But today with new mess under the sink, I could not get close enough to lay things out without jumbling things and dropping stuff, in fact I lost one complete catheter this morning, and I am pretty certain I may have contaminated the second catheter so badly that I may have given myself an infection of one type or another.

This weekend, since Friday’s biopsy I have been more challenged then usual trying to cath myself. I have been draining blood, and clots of blood when just tapping myself for my usual void. To my dismay, as I tried to drain once the catheter would become clogged with this partially solidified blood and or other body fluids that would be the end of the drain and then I would have to wait another four to six hours when I could attempt to drain again. What really spooks me is that by not being able to drain my bladder completely I am leaving way too much urine in the bladder where infections and other nasty baddies might breed. I made calls this morning to my Uro and primary medical practitioner, one returned my call and I was able to get my main medico and have set up an appointment for this Thursday( more time off work-- missed work) I am figuring a lot of the blood and stuff is natural following an event like last weeks but I just have to be sure—but, in the meantime I have to continue own with my life and part of that is being able to cath in as clean an environment possible and being able to reach the things I need to. The office manager has already contacted the building owner who, we hope, will convey to the tile person of the need to reload his stuff, at least to the back wall of the bathroom giving me the room I need under the sink to do what I need to do.

Snow fell early this morning, dusting my path to the train. I was late getting off due to the issues from the weekend. The wind was cold and the day dark as I got to my train station, more snow is forecast for this evening and my return trip and tomorrow more of the same. This week will truly be challenging

Hoping For the Best!!

All things being equal Fridays surgical adventure turned out pretty good—well, I still have to get the results from pathology but short of a flat out cancer call, I think every thing went OK. I was up at 0430—pretty much as usual except I was NPO but that was not too bad coffee would have been nice. The drive up to the University Hospital was cold but without incident.

My surgery was scheduled for 0730 which meant I had to be at the medical center at 0600. I kind of liked being the first surgery of the day, I don’t have to get in the “wait” which happens when you are behind other folks. We got checked in did he paperwork and we were let to a changing room. I was amused to see my room was #13. Dianne had be wear sweats and a sweatshirt so changing was easy, I got into my gown and hung out a few minutes when things began to happen. A resident popped in, a nice kid from the area. He brought in some solution of some sort and got my IV catheter inserted and this is when I sort of started to get nervous but things were happening way fast by this point in time. My surgeon popped in and said hello and did the general check out and said he would see me on the inside and that was about it. Dianne left me at this point which was unnerving for me since Dianne IS my rock in these type of situations.

The anesthesiologist resident got me going and I don’t remember much after that point except the anesthesiologist attending stopped by and checked me out, seemed to approve and that was about it, I was gone.. I climbed back to conscience about n hour later and I was done. I cooled my heals in “Recovery” for another sixty minutes and Dianne came in and helped me get dressed and we headed for home. I was groggy but not bad, I was exhausted not getting much sleep the night before and my throat hurt where the medical folks had intubated me, my throat hurt like snot but I could swallow enough to eat something. I really wanted an egg mc muffin or something off the MickD’s breakfast menue but by the time we got to the restaurant they were finished serving breakfast—all I was able to get was some fried potato stick which had been cooked for quite some time.
I thought about staying up after I got home but just could not and went down—I napped listened to NPR and enjoyed just being in bed and having the biopsy behind me. Bridget and Anakah came over and spent time with me bringing over KFC, which was greatly appreciated but may have me more harm then good as far as heartburn and indigestion. I finally got up round 1830 and watched TV with Dianne for the remainder of the night.

Saturday I felt good enough to be up and do the grocery shopping, I am having some issues as far as empty my bladder goes, a lot of blood and clotting and I am thinking this is to be expected but sure is frustrating and if we had to pay for the catheters I am using, expensive. I am forcing liquids and trying to remain positive. I can do this. The doc indicated that things looked pretty good and we would just have to wait to see what the path results revealed, but he was pleased to see a better looking bladder the he had seen a couple of weeks before. So it just waiting now and hoping for the best!

Cold Heat

I am sitting here, in my office with the regular heat on and the space heater cranked up to “Hi” with my black watch cap on and a hot cup of coffee at hand and I just cannot get to a comfortable warm. Granted my office has a window which opens to the outside ( I call my window, my window on the West) and I am sure that has an impact on the temperature of my office and just how willing I am to remove my self from the proximity of my window on the West.

Last week Dianne picked up a case of “Hotties”, those chemical hand warmers which used to be sold ,only in Army Navy stores and then in sportsman stores but now has crossed the street to the big box stores, at our local Costco. I of course balked thinking of the process necessary to open up these small packets of chemical heat. Not this morning, however, I think the temperature was about 11 or 12 degrees as I launched out the door to begin my journey up to the station to catch my train to work. I had Dianne open one of the packets and mix it up and I was off. I kept the packet of warmth in my left hand which rides in my left packet of my jacket. I have just one “right hand “ ski glove I wear on my right hand which I use to steer my chair. At this point the temperature is not bitter cold, the kind of cold which freezes the nasal hairs when you breath through the nose making those marvelous jets of air like a snorting bull or better yet a locomotive or the cold which seems to cauterize your lungs with each intake of air forcing you to breath some sort of protection like pulling my head inside my jacket as much as possible letting me breath warmed air from my body heat or pull air through cloth like a muffler.

The “Hotties” actually worked—sorta. The packet releases a heat which warms what ever is near by. I suppose the heat/warmth it renders is a radiant heat but I don’t seem to get the benefit from the packet unless I have the packet touching someplace on me. I have found the maximum comfort I got from the small packet was when I placed directly on my cheek or forehead—that felt good as I plowed along through the frigid morning’s air. I have to admit when I had the packet clutched inside my hand in my pocket that my hand stayed warm, warmer then I I had not had the packet but I also found tat when I took returned my hand to my pocket after I placed the packet on my forehead, the region inside side the pocket was still warm. The “Hottie” gave off heat or warmth for a good thirty minutes—because the one used today Dianne gave me when I left the house and it was warm enough for Frank still feel the heat by the time I arrived at the office and that I a good forty-five minutes. I wonder if you had hundreds of packets and you were in the woods and it was truly cold could you like open up a bunch of packets, dump them in your sleeping bag zip it up would the heat transfer into the sleeping bag for a more comfortable freezing experience?

I wonder all this stuff as I watch a Mexican street vendor which has set up his operation outside my window—steam has bellowed out of his cart and people have lined up to purchase hot items, like coffee, tacos or what ever. I know even if I start out cold in my office, the space heater and office hear and the fact I wear my hat all day in the office, I know by 2:00 o clock or so my office will be somewhat toasty. Not so for Pablo, outside my window, I think Pablo is going to be cold until he shuts down his operation at 3:00 pm today and drives away inside his pick up.

Blog VS Social Network

This is my blog, Meadowlarksmind, which is different, way different, then my Face book account or Twitter—both of which I use on a daily, sometimes hourly bases. These are social networks, where a blog is something different—the blog is where I get to expand my thoughts and perhaps write to a deeper and more meaningful level. Unlike FB or Twitter where I am limited a specific number of letters I can write indefinitely on the blog though I try to write a minimum of 500 words—though I have noted recently I am not writing as many words as I did or so many years.

What I sort of think is sad though is not a whole lot of folk ever make I over to my blog. I have direct links on both FB and Twitter but, rarely has any made the journey from there to here. I follow four or five blogs and that is about all I am able to read with the amount of time I am conscience in a days time. When I think of how many blogs which are out there and how many of these blogs are well written and are most likely immensely interesting I also get a little sad thinking of the thoughts I am missing but hopefully someone is reading—and to you—who has stopped by my blog today I thank you for stopping by and ask that you stop by again and hopefully you will find a posting much more interesting then today’s

Last Day

Last day of the month and first day back following a major holiday. The phones have been light but busy enough to get me more then the ten calls a day I some how think justifies my existence with the State. I did not sleep well last night as I near the biopsy day—I just wish I knew just how disabled this event was going to make me.

Global warming continues to render perfectly, beautiful, late autumn days—granted Salt Lake City is sitting at the bottom of an inversion does not change the fact the sun is shining bright in a perfectly blue sky and if one keeps moving the days seems warm and somewhat pleasing. I dashed out at lunch, cashed my mileage check, bought a loaf of bread and did some banking. I am bundled in my heavy winter coat and black watch-cap. I look like one of those nim-rods who always seems to be over dressed.
then as I try to get into this post Franks walks in and advises me that I need to have a quarterly report done first thing in the morning What a joke...Just one of those Mondays

What ??!!!

I realized this morning that my Thanksgiving holiday is all but over and I a looking down the barrel of Christmas. I think I am going to enjoy this Christmas, more so then the others since I don’t know if this will be my last Christmas. This week I have more medical stuff to consider—the dental appointment on Thursday, that is just to get the final cap on my tooth. The tooth capping is no big deal but the following day, Friday I have the biopsy at University hospital. I really have not too much about tis event except that it was “hanging” out there like a black balloon just floating waiting to pop and let out all of whet ever is inside.

Actually, since the cystocospy went so well, I have not thought much bout the procedure coming up Friday—since the procedure is essentially the same except the doc “snips” a little here and a little there and that is about it. I know I am going under a general anesthetic but I really did not think going under an anesthetic was a big deal—that was until I was talking with my workmate, Frank when he asked if I were going to take anything off after the procedure. I mean one of the reasons I chose to have the biopsy done on Friday was I would have the weekend to recuperate—if I needed it. I did not think I would—I just did not want to take anytime off if I did not need to. Somewhere in the back of my mind exclamation points began to fire: just what doe Frank know that I don’t ? I just bluffed Frank, I was tough regardless and I would be OK .

Last night Dianne seemed a little concerned indicating how was I going to drive my power chair to get in the van after I have had my procedure? “More exclamation points firing off. Just what the hell is gong to happen to me that I am going to be so messed up that I will not be able to drive my power chair safely. I suppose I could push my manual wheelchair to the hospital andf back but that would be imperially dorky; and again, how messed up am I going to me and more important how much pain and misery is this procedure going to render?? And of course, I am in denial of what the procedure is actually for—resolving those “peculiar objects”Dr Myer saw in the cystocospy—I mean this is what should be blasting exclamation marks all over the page but strangely I am feeling OK. I suppose if the worst case does present itself I will just have to deal with it. I think if it is bladder cancer…I could cruise for quite a while before succumbing…I hope. Hopefully, the cathing and such will have calmed down the bladder and those fiery red walls we saw on the cystocospy will have settled down. Hope, hope hope.

I have yet to write any Christmas cards let alone any shopping. The temperature outside looks to be in the fifties. Now snow, kids riding bikes and skate boards in just their shirtsleeves—it looks like Spring rather then the first week of Advent. Oh well I am just excited to see this Christmas—and maybe even Spring.

Long DayClock Watching

Today has been one long quiet day in the office, ths last working day before Thanksgiving. Frank and I are the only staff in the office today everyone else has taken off, left town. I probably should be home working to bring the house up to visit ability standard since we are hosting the Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. We are supposed to have just Bridget and her family over so maybe we can get away with more messy a house then we would normally feel comfortable. The only other visitor I can image would Mark A and maybe Jasmine but I have not heard from Mark A and I know he has had his hand full with the moving of his family the past couple of weeks. Traditionally Mark has been stuck doing the dinner thing with his inlaws—or with his step-father’s celebration…I really don’t understand I just try to have a turkey cooked and let those come who well—in any case I hope to have everything done by mid-afternoon, with people napping or heading home. I still have two hours to go here in the office, the sun is beginning to set and there is an increase in traffic round our building as the Energy Solutions Arena is beginning to fill up for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra or what ever, the crowd is quite a bit different then the regular basketball fans which usually fill up the late afternoon parking: more cultured outfits and hair, nice coats and a lot more women then usual.

I sense our building is essentially empty. The Mexican, upstairs did not even come in today. I suspect a lot of other State employees took the day off. The commuter buses which park infront of our offices are empty, they are just dieseling outside my window then leave empty. The parking scabs are dressed in their hoddies and orange reflective vests and orange flashlights trying to suck concert goers to park in their parking lot for five dollars a vehicle, the lots fill up fast—the guy who own the building I am sitting in will also start selling spaces to the public after we leave for the second performance later tonight. I am just waiting out the clocking getting ready to catch the next train out of town

TMI--Reader Beware

I have to watch my self—sometimes I think I give out too much information (TMI) about myself. I have noticed that I have been pretty graphic as I have tried to deal with this self cathing phase I am dealing with in my life right now. I have been fairly active on Face Book but for the most part refrained from going in to any great depth about the self-cathing experience; there fore I have used my blog for the deeper experience.

The truth is, I have been using the term self-cathing and intermittent cathing interchangeably when in truth until today I have been experiencing intermittent cathing with the help of Dianne. I have been holding off on the “self-cathing” phase—for why I cannot really say. I have really enjoyed having Dianne right there helping me cath in the a.m. and p.m. and three times on the weekends but seeing the size of the residuals I was producing and beginning to feel the discomfort I was beginning to feel by banking the urine from 530 in the morning until I got home at 6:15 pm, made realize I need to be “tapping” myself at some time during the day while a work. Dianne and I have discussed the issue, knowing the need I have for this even to the point of getting a community service nurse or something drop by the office and do the trick. I guess my insurance would possibly pay for this service or part of the service but this would just be another level of dependency I would just as soon avoid if possible.

Yesterday, I had the ARDC meeting away from the office and I had injusted a fair amount of fluid and by the time I got back to the office I was feeling pretty full of piss and I made the decision I was going to catheterize my-self and relieve some of the pressure—I went into the bathroom locked the door and laid out my items to cath, hand sterilizing fluid, catheter, sanitary cloth to wash the head of the penis and the slick goop the lubricate the catheter but I was dismayed to find the lubricant tube was completely empty so I hauled it ll back to the backpack, tossed the catheter away and held it until I go back home and drained as soon as I got home…and that was OK.

Today, Dianne packed the current tube of lubricant we ar using in my back pack and a couple of cleansing towelets and I waited till 3:00 and snuck off to the bathroom, locked the door laid out my items and went for it. Cathing my self was weird and a little spooky. Igot myself out and cleaned off and lubed up the tube and then pocked the cath in the penis and drove the tube home—it seems a long time as I kept pushing the tube further ad further into my penis, and I felt it pass the prostate which there is a little resistance and then a final push as I enter the bladder and the pee begins flowing from the end of the tube. I drained 400 CC’s which I wonder if I drained the bladder empty—but even if I did not drain the bladder empty I drained off 400 CC’s and that is enough for general relief and to let me know I can do this procedure myself if and when I need to. Now I need to integrate this skill into my home experience thereby not bothering Dianne’s sleep at 5:30 in the morning—though I praise my wonderful wife on getting up every morning and helping me cath.

A Pisser

So I went to the meeting today. I drove my van into work and even though I hate driving the drive in was not bad and having the van at the office will let me drag home the thirty or so boxes of catheters I got hold of a couple of weeks ago. I will be glad to get the catheters out of the office and safely locked up at home. The catheters are quit valuable in their own right--especially if you find yourself dependent on them. I left three boxes at the office where I can use them if I need. I was set to drain myself today after I returned from my meeting. I think i am retaining way too much urine and I am becoming quite concerned to the point I decided I was going to drain myself today. I ave not done this yet, and I fully think i cam capable I just have to keep the field and myself as sterile as possible. Long story short I failed. I did not have the slippery goop one needs to insert the catheter into the penis. I had everything else and most important the will to do such a thing. Maybe tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Week

It’s Thanksgiving week and the house is not ready and we are having the dinner at out our house and I m trying not freak. Granted it is going to be a small gathering this year with mom dying this last Summer—this is the first of the major holidays with out her. Without mom being here( on this earth as we know it) I feel kinda of lost. When mom was in Salt Lake we made sure that we gathered at Thanksgiving, at least. But now I feel the family drifting apart. The drift was predictable but still kind of sad. So this year we are having the dinner here with just Bridget, Gabe and Anakah maybe Mark A but that is bout all as I know at this point in time. It seems like the right thing to do.

The fridge needs cleaning, we have to make room for the bird and other items for the dinner. We have yet to get the turkey. I think Bridget is getting pumpkin pie from Costco Dianne is making the dressing and roles and that is bout it. Done! So, I have been trying to wash dishes an clean where I can but it’s a slow process and I doubt we will much more cleaning before the holiday. So, I’m working a three day workweek with a major meeting tomorrow, Monday and then I should be done for a while. Clouds rolled in today and temperature is dropping rain and possibly snow tonight. Its feeling like Thanksgiving but its just not the same with mom gone.

Almost Season of Miracles

Yesterday, I really was feeling good , in fact the best I have felt all week and feeling good sometimes clouds my judgment and I start making stupid rose colored comments and even almost believing those comments until the world steps in and slaps me down and puts me back into my place. I guess I need this, for what ever reason.

Dianne called during the day to let me know the hydrophilic catheters she ordered had come in. The hydrophilics are kind of special catheters, they’re very smooth coming with their own solution which is supposed to make using them slick as a whistle. From what I have read the hydrophilic catheter, is least probable in causing UTI or other complications like cancer of the bladder. This catheter seems much smaller then the other catheters but I was going to try to be open minded about the whole thing.

I was pleased to see the van parked at the train station, when I pulled into 5300 South. Dianne had come to retrieve the van from the Cousin’s place where they had been Winterizing the vehicle for the past couple of days. When we got home Dianne shows me the catheters and indeed these catheters are small an kinda of flimsy then the chloroplasts we have been using—but I am trying to be open minded. As soon as the 9-o-clock news began I hightailed it back to the bathroom to try out the hydrophlics. To me the whole system is complicated and the comfort extolled the catheters website and testimonials I read at more then one website did not live up to what had been reported. The experience was not necessarily painful just somewhat uncomfortable. The diameter is so small the it took for ever for the bladder to drain and when we had finished draining there was almost 800CC’s of liquid in the container an I guess this is not. I should be cathing sometime during the day at work and Dianne felt bad because she was thinking and hoping these caths would be the end all answer and now were back to square one with only few of the catheters we had gotten from the clinic. Then I realized that my wallet was not where I usually carry it—it was gone. I seem to have lost my wallet again-piss!!! Do you see the irony?

Then this morning I get to the office, no wallet, I was kinda banking on the wallet laying on my desk but the kid who had called earlier in the month was dropping off about 900 catheters Coloplast, 14 Fr, sterile with protections. I think these will do. I am hoping and praying a good Samaritan will find and turn in my wallet with all my cards and ID. But the catheters came into today right in time and I’ll deal with one miracle at a time…

Just About Back

I am just about back to the old me, that is I am feeling better, I have pretty much come to grips with the whole cathing challenge, got my teeth worked on and now I am just waiting to have the medical procedure, the biopsy, which I scheduled today for the 4th December( moving my tooth appointment from the fourth to the third). The internal bleeding has cleared up and I’m running clear and I assume health pee at each tapping. I am draining right round 700 CC’s of fluid in the morning an in the evening. I am really going to have to learn to cath myself to have a mid-day drain which might a limiting impact on the evening drain but I doubt it.

So I am back on the streets riding the train and trying to succeed at the job. I am starting my next year of interviews on Access Utah Now. I am not sure how my management feels about another year of interviews, I kind of get mixed signals from the boss but I am going head with the project. I have one more interview scheduled for this Thursday and then no more interviews until January.I am wearing my heavy coats and keeping warm traveling back and forth to work pretty much in the dark. The days are warming to the fifties but cool fast—slowly the city is moving into holiday mode. It’s good to be back..

Getting Comfortable with the Process

The sun is setting on this day, first day back on the job in nearly two weeks. The day has been uncomfortable but doable. Hopefully, I'll sleep better tonight and drain better tomorrow. I think I am going to just have to learn to cath my self safely so I can cath at work and other places way from home or away from Dianne. I mean, I have seen 'paras' do it and if they can do it I can do it. I just have to get more comfortable with the whole process.

I spent the day recanting my story of the time I was away on medical appointments, I had a tone of calls I am still returning and of course the new calls coming in today.Dianne got up with me cathed me and helped me dress and i was to work on time. The big trick now is replication for the reminder of the week. This can be done.

Tic, Tic, tic...

“Tick, tick,tick…” I thought I heard ticking, all this long, quasie painful medically drenched week but could not quite focus of the tickings origin, I am still not sure but I am getting closer and closer. I would have written sooner but by the end of each day I was so tired or freaked all I could do was zone out in front of the tube and weight for sleep time.
I finally had the urology test on Wednesday up at the University Medical Center, not from /rehabilitation where I have been spending a lot of time in the last 18 or so months.
Dianne has come along with me, at my request, I am so glad she did. Dianne was my protector, Dianne knew the questions to ask and how to answer the other questions or least, to nudge me on where I would get too spooked at something and “go tharn” and answer for me

The tests, Urology ran on me took almost two hours and we think I was catheterized six times!!. That is a lot for me—then we also got the added bonus of having a cystocospy right then and there in the room where I was having my uro-dynamic testing. From what the guys explained this was a good thing, because if I were to have the cystocospy, it would have to be scheduled and everything which equals more waiting-so we got it done then. The event was quite a show: a camera is driven up the urethra and looks all round the inside of the urethra and bladder. It was pretty read in there which could have something to do with the amount of blood and other stuff which have been cluttering up my urine of late. I had been working all day with Colleen a PRN but all the sudden Dr Myer, the head Dic Doc, of this little universe was summoned, a bearded , youngish, white coated little gnome, fastidious but in a good way. I could tell this guy was smart and if anyone could help me through the euthreo-straights, DR Myer could do the job. DR M., was serious but hopeful in just the right amounts. He did not like the red areas inside the bladder and wanted a biopsy done “soon” does not have to be done today but “soon”, his big eyes magnified by the giant lenses riding his nose bore the importance of his sentence straight into my heart.

The cathing has become easier, smother almost painfree, the doc wrote a scipt for something to settle down spasmodic bladder which I have had for the past week and a half—I tgink I’ll be able to get back to work Monday. Mind you, I still hate cathing but it is getting better…this morning the phone rang and it was Colleen the PRN called ( on a Saturday my mind screamed in the back of my head”. Colleen was calling on a Saturday morning not to worry me but to let me know the pathologist has written a note on the bottom of my cytology report- the Path saw a few things which disturbed him and felt it should be checked out, soon as possible. Then I heard it ‘tick, tick tick…” There is a time bomb out there and it ticking and it just got thrown into my court—now what do I do with it?!!!!

Pass the Bones Please!!

To say today has been weird would be an understatement. I knew the day was gong to be challenging because I was going to meet with one of our primary funders. We used to have four primaries but that was the old days—when there was plenty of money to go round. In the last two years one funder had dropped completely off the scene( hopefully at some point that provider will return but is somewhat doubtful) and the other funder has kept a minimal amount of money trickling in about $7,000.00 which is better then a poke in the eye…kinda.

I don’t even have board meetings any longer –our program is so low on our funders sights that they usually don’t come—one has even said to stop sending them notifications and just minutes of the meetings. So, instead of the board meetings which I used to have quarterly. I now invite each funder in individually, have them take a seat and try to visit with them about their organization and ho Access Utah Network can assist them meet their goals and particularly how and what we, as an organization, can do to have their organization uses us more. So that is what we were doing today—and truth be told a little of hat we were going to ‘hit’ this director with was ‘hey we need a little boost in our economy too. We could use a bit of a funding bump. But when the director got to the meeting he looked pale and ashen—not, a good sign. It seems that yesterday he had gotten a directive from the State Government indicating that his agency was going to be cut another 24%. We have heard rumors that further cuts were coming but we were figuring 3-5% at the most, which we felt would be devastating but 24% we are talking staff, stuff and brick and mortar. This guy had had 24 hours, one day to digest this information And I could tell he had and now was having to take the next step and begin cutting out living tissue in a effort to save over all system but now he is having to cut or try to cut bone because the fat is long gone, and so is most of the muscle an the bone is all that is left. I thought the director was going to breakdown and cry right there and then. Mental Health Association in Utah and my director just looked at each other realizing that was going to come from this event except doing some damage control. So we just let him talk and just listen—sometimes just listening is all one can do and hope what ever is said is not too painful.

So there it is—if this guy has to take the 24% cut, I am sure I am going to get it right between the eyes, both barrels, sayonara, time to start packing the office and get ready to turn out the lights. Ofcourse, no one has really, really discussed the issue yet—the elephant just got to the middle of the room we’re still in the phase of trying not to see it—I mean this afternoon we had an epic staff meeting and the most difficult thing we discussed was how we were going to cover Christmas and Thanksgiving staffing. So the rollercoaster has just left the starting gate again and we have just started the downward ride…all systems stand by…

Stick It !

I think I spoke of this issue a bit earlier about how, after my visit to the doctors a couple of weeks ago, she wrangled a medical good sales man to send me a box of catheters!! So this huge box of catheters have been sitting on the dining room table for a week or so and Dianne finally moved them to the computer-where all my stuff ends up usually. Dianne figured I would never use them, because I said I would never use them but I think my comments were fear reactions of having to deal with more disabilities related issues then I have had deal with for forty some years. I see this as regression to being more dependent and my own belief that because I have not had to deal with these issues I was not having issues even though Dianne and my practioners have said that I am.

I have been “sneaking” up on this fear I have had of self cathing these past couple of weeks by watching self cathing videos on you tube, catheters vendor web sights and staring at the box and my penis come to the realization I was going to take issue in had and cath. Odd as it seems the root canal helped me come to grips with my fears. The root canal was so pain free that maybe I have grown past some of the fears I have harbored for years and with this realization I decided to try cathing , regardless of the pain and what ever and see what the effort yielded. Dianne has been helping me of course because I fear my limited hand function would most certainly contaminate the field and ofcourse Dianne gives me great moral support. We tried at first on Friday morning. The catheter seemed way too long for what I needed but we opened the device up and got it lubricated and inserted.

I was mildly surprised as how well the catheter entered my penis with far less pain or discomfort then I remembered. We plunged the device up the urethra and I was not going hysterical or writhing in pain or spazzing myself out of my wheelchair. We went in pretty deep, or so we thought but nothing; that was it, we pulled the pipe out perplexed. I felt sure this was proof that I indeed was draining my bladed as I should, and I did it and that was that. Dianne felt we had not done something the way we should. She could not believe we had gone in as deep as we had and not tapped the well. I had survived and I was just plain happy to have that behind me.

All day Saturday I considered the event and rehearsed my new mantra, “catheterization can only be good for me” and will help me live a better and longer life. So this morning when I got up. I could sense I had quite bit of urine residual so I took a deep breath and seceded to try again and see where we went. Dianne got the catheter unpackaged and lubricated and I steadied my nerves. This time I took a larger role in the whole process actually doing a lot of the insertion of the catheter in to the penis and boldly pushing further and further the latex free tube. I have to admit the sensation was not all the pleasant but not horrible either and suddenly water began pouring from the end of the catheter. I filled up a bottle and half urine before the flow trickled to a stop. I had drained my bladder for the first time in decades. I was amazed as I pulled the catheter out. I was Ok and shocked I had retained so much fluid.

The doc wants me to do this three times a day—I don’t see this happening, even once a day is better then nothing and that is how it will be one day at a time.

This is my endodondist Dr Madison

I woke ten minutes past my normal wake up time which is rare for me. I had battled pain from my tooth all night. I had anticipated the pain so took two Tylenol before I retired believing if I can get to sleep I will remain unconscious the remainder of the night. Not so anymore; I woke at 1:30 a.m. in a constant annoying pain. The pain was not “nova” class but enough to keep me away in discomfort and fear. I laid there and devoutly wished for sleep to overtake the pain so I would feel like taking on the day in just a few more hours. Finally at 2:30 a.m. I had ha enough and drug myself out of bed and wheeled into the bathroom and knocked two more Tylenol and almost immediately the pain was gone an I was sleeping. I woke next at 4:40 a.m. then minutes late groggy, sleep deprived and wishing I could just stay in the warm bed but I had to get up—but in my mind, I had decided that I was going to schedule an appointment and get the tooth repaired. I was not going to loose another nights sleep to pain and fear.

My tooth and headache was gone by the time I got to the office but I was still committed to getting my tooth looked at if not fixed. I called dentists office—no one in left so I left a message and returned to my tasks. It was after 10:00 when the dentists office called. I was told that there was a an opening for 1:00 and did I want to take the time slot. I lucked out to find the office was located on a major bas route which I could engage round the corner from my office. I hated to leave the office and my phones unattended but I had toget my pain remedied.

I tried to get hold of Dianne to advise her of my movements from the office but I knew Dianne was going o be out helping Bridget over at the church. And that was cool—I could do this on my own. I only waited a few minutes before “Route 220” pulled up and whisked me away—I made good time and was not rushed when I got to the Dentists office, squeezed my bladder and got in and got ready. I was a bit surprised when Dr.Luke stopped his examination, took some xrays and began discussing options. He informed me that I needed a root canal and he could not really do that, he could extract the tooth which would be the cheapest way to go but he did not wan to go that route since there was good still left in that tooth and he would like to save it if that were possible. The other option was to be referred to an endodontist.. This really was my lucky day( odd as that sounds) because we found an endodontist just a block further South on the same street at 4:45p.m. but that was fine even if I had to wait four hours it would be done to day. If I had not taken that time slot another option even occur until the flowing Tuesday and I knew I could tolerate the pain or expectation of the coming event that long. The cost was high as much as $400.00 before they would scrape their first nerve but I knew I could pull it off it they could work their magic.

It was less then a ten minute roll to Rocky Mountain Endodontics and waited, trying to get hold of Dianne on my cell and watching people come and go and I was overwhelmed at the flow of humanity coming and going. I became part of the furniture as I wondered round looking in rooms and checking out staff. The staff even tried to get earlier scheduled patients to trade with my late hour appointment to get me out of there earlier, but no dice—these folks were living with the same pain was and they were not going to push their cure back for any reason or person. Eventually my time did come and I was ld back to the suite, shook hands with my doc and hopped onto the “operating chair”. I could have had nitrous oxide but that was $55.00 more and I would have done it regardless of the cost, but I don’t understand the concept and I sure as hell don’t trust something like laughing gas wearing off as the doc in deep in the middle of nerve central—so I just went with dear old Novocain.. I asked the doc how many of these he had done, and he said “nine”. I must have paled because then he added…”today” and add thathe had done more then 10,000 root canals in his careers.

Doc Madsen DDS was good. He talked me through the drilling and the scraping. He explained procedures as he did them always letting me know how much time I had left in the chair. I was surprised at how soon I was free of the dentist’s chair and $400.00. I clutched my cell m cell all the way through the operation and the cell chirped numerous times throughout and finally Dianne did get hold of me and picked me up…the day was darkening quickly—but I felt OK. I was out of pain—frightfully out of pain. I was told to experience some discomfort from the amount of work they did round the pulp, and gums but no pain..even after the Novocain wore off entirely…I felt nothing. I did not feel the sharp edges of the new filling I would not even know I had had mouth trauma. It’s weird but I am thankful—now I must return to Dr Luke’s office for a cap and to have the cavity next tooth over worked on, and I was warned that tooth may also be a root canal…another $400.00. I somehow know it well, and the hole thing will thousand(s) before I am done. But I am least sleeping through the night…some things arejust worth it.









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Quarter Century

The first “winter snow event” hit the Wasatch Front this morning. The local networks have been freaking out about the storm approaching storm and following the low-pressure systems movement as it entered the State. The temperatures were still pretty warm last night when I went to bed an sure enough I was woke what sounded like a locomotive outside my window as the cold front finally wandered in like a questionable relative, you know, the kind you kind like to see, but never really sure until they live when you can ascertain how the visit went.

I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the door of this house this morning to begin my morning commute and found no snow, no rain and best of all the temperature still seemed pretty warm—but how would I know since Dianne zipped the liner into my new yellow jacket and all of the sudden I am all puffy. As I got out on the road to the train station I did notice a light rain was falling but nothing to stop me. I was dressed inlayers, a ht and one glove for my hand which operated the wheelchairs joy stick.

The real storm did not make itself known or a couple hours after I got to work, coffeed and comfy at my desk ready for my day. As I watched the rain turn to sleet and finally huge fluffy flakes—I realized this was my 25 year anniversary of moving to Salt Lake. I mean, not to day, TODAY is not my exact anniversary but somewhere in this area and it was a day exactly like today. I had driven down from Blackfoot, Idaho the night before-right round this time of October and a Winter storm had blown in leaving 6-12 inches of heavy wet snow all over the valley floor. I was in Salt Lake interviewing for the Utah Independent Living Center position, the Center had put me in the Downtown Marriott for the night and I was more then impressed.

I got up and dressed and left for my interview which round 10:00 a.m.. I was surprised at the amount of tree limbs which had succumbed to the weight o the weight snow, traffic lights were out and traffic was pretty thin for a working day. The limbs and branches ha snapped due o the snow storm coming so early in the year. The leaves were still on the trees adding to the weight. I was surprise when I got to the address listed for the interview to find no one there as I broke new snow but pushed myself from my car to the sidewalk and up the ramp. A few minutes following my arrival the executive director showed shocked to see me. He had cancelled work for the employees a “snow day” I had
never heard of such a thing this far North. I got the job—Its now been twenty-five years and two jobs later and I am still here. It’s kinda of amazing of things which happen on a snow day like today.

Up On Campus...All Day

The Point is located in the upper most right hand section of the glass part of this building "The Huntsman Cancer Institute"!





Friday was a lost day but I guess but I guess important that I got started on what I have to do. The fasting blood draw was not such a bad thing. My day off so we did sleep in and got ready for the drive to University of Utah medical center. The day was beautiful and warm as we drove through the campus students sauntering back and forth cross campus, trees decked out in colors and dropping leaves everywhere. The scene made me homesick for another point in my life when all I had to worry bout was exams and a date for Saturday night.

We were hoping to get our flu shots on Friday, in fact that is why we had waited till my appointments but were surprised to find all the injections had been given away. This sorta of pissed me off but what can you do? They drew four vials of blood for the full panel of tests the doc had ordered. Then the doc did the CT and found I still had 200 plus CCs of urine in me and that sort of freaked her out and made her all the more determined to get me self cathing—this still freaks me out ut I am going to try to go through with the process to see what happens. I was fortunate in that Dianne rearranged her day so she go be with me on this adventure. Following the ‘stick’ we went over to breakfast at he cafeteria—ofcourse by the time we got there the kitchen had stopped serving but luckily there were some breakfast sandwiches left over which was good to break my fast with plus the coffee and doughnuts.

10:30 I did another scan, in side the huge moving doughnut nothing painful just awkward transferring from the chair to the scanner with pants dropped. Sure took me back to the hospital days following the wreck when I seemed to be naked all the time in front of everyone. We next went to lunch to kill time for my TRAILs intake which was scheduled for 3:00. We did this at the Huntsman Center, where I had the scan and we went to the Point. The point is a great little restaurant at the top of the Huntsman Center, very high end for university campus. I had a steak, which was a great steak, one of the best I have had in a long time

We finally got back to Rehabilitation Out Patient and hung out for a half hour and then I had the intake which I thought was to last half an hour our something like that but I was in there for two hours!! Sue somebody in the program director and worked me through the stations mostly weight machines and I have to admit I got pretty tired but I could also tell the work out would really do me some good i.e. drooping some weight, getting my cardio working and working some muscle systems which really need attention. So the only nights the facility is open is between 5:00 and 7:00 PM, Monday and Fridays . This is a pisser and very inconvenient but I am going to try it as long as I can. There used to be a wheelchair accessible weight room not from my house in Murray. I am going to check and see if that place is still open and if it is I will get my direction on how to used the machines and use this other facility on the weekends or something.

I am feeling a little better about everything now I just have do the whole penis thing. Org, the pain.

Urology?

guess you gauge how good your medical practioner is by how fast she gets things done and I guess getting things done quickly is good. But I have to admit I was a little freaked when the phone rang at my this morning and it was the scheduling nurse for a urologist, that my doc had contacted, and who was now scheduling me for “splatter test” which looks like it will be don 8:30 a.m. Veteran’s Day. The scheduler the procedure was non evasive but then proceeded to tell me two tubes would be inserted from and back to major urine residual and the test should take 90 minutes.

Now, is this TMI= too much information? Do I need to rehearse my terror of medical procedures in general and anything specific to do with urology I think I would have been this way even I had not had an accident 40 some years ago, when medical was still in one of medicine’s dark ages, and they jabbed and poked. I could not believe the level of barbarisms I was subjected to. I was inundated with such procedures the first year after my wreck, but since then I have pretty successfully avoided a repeat but not that is going to change. They are going to ‘measure this and measure that’ to gain knowledge on me what they can do next to help me. So I am banking on the terror I experienced was for decades ago was 60 percent an adolescent trying to cope having nearly everything physical ripped from him and 40% practioners operating(literally) with dark ages medicine and ancient technology. The scheduling nurse indicated the practice of urology come a long way in the past 40 years, technology had advanced and techniques had gotten a whole lot better and that they had gotten but good reports of the other spinal cords they had served. I am hoping by writing about this event and trying to familiarize myself with the it that I will be able to handle the event like an adult knowing all that is happening is happening for my own good and will help like an adult knowing all that is happening is happening for my own good and will help in he long run.

Some idiot from a pharmaceutical company indicating they had been instructed by my practioner to mail me out a box of CATHETERS!!!!!!! The idiot wrote down my address as I gave it to him assuring me I should have the torture devices by Monday, Tuesday at the latest—my appointment is not even till November 11 . How can this be?

I HATE IT!!

Just got back from an afternoon at the physicians office. I HATE IT! I have effectively avoided the medical profession, for the most part for the past forty years but, I’m afraid time has now run out. I have started a number of tests and procedures I just know is going to have a major impact on me and my quality of life. Sadly, I believe this medical course of action is best for where is best this point in my life but I am sure scared. I don’t think anything huge is wrong with me it just a bunch of little l things, like my kidneys, which could be a huge thing if were talking dialysis or transplant. I know its going to something like that I just know it. Besides all this medical intervention, they enrolled me in the TRAILS program a medically directed program heavy into physical activity. The doctor did a “hard sell” on Dianne primarily and some on me—like where am going to squeeze a couple hours of physical activity a week into my schedule—the only opening is Friday, a third of my weekend, being physical. I could do other days of the week but when I am working yen hours a day not much time is left over for anything else. I get home about 6:30 p.m. it would be grab some dinner then up to the U for trails. I have never been much for organized sports anyway and feeling like I am being forced to participate makes it even worse. This is not going to be good.

So Long Roy

Last Saturday and Sunday was one of those perfect Fall weekends of warm temps, and pristine air, brisk in the morning making a person wand to be outside doing something productive. In my case I had opened the garage door and drug out my new lathe, trying to get used to the new device. I was working hard not be to be disappointed with my purchase but was loosing the battle as I realized the wood adjustment process or any adjustment process on this lathe required a 9/16 box end wrench and physically turning the bolts to adjust things like, tail stock, movement of the tool rest and the tail stock spindle which I believe would take a significant amount of time for able handed lathers let alone for a partial quad, as myself, which literally took me hours to turn three pieces of wood. But, I did not get too exasperated when I would find I had too long a piece of wood for the stocks or would drop my new box-end, or inadvertently disconnect the power to the lathe. Some time during the six hours I worked in the garage I ventured over to my neighbor’s house partially to seek his advice and partially to vent out my frustrations on purchasing such a poorly outfitted lathe to meet my disability needs.

The sun shinning down on us was almost hot as we walked back to the lathe sitting in front my garage. Albert, my neighbor, dutifully looked at my lathe and I could sympathize with me and my plight, still wondering why I every ever gave my first lathe away, but clearly interested making the lathe workable for me. At some point in time Albert thought maybe some maybe some WD 40 type on the tool rest slider mounts might make a difference in the usability of the lathe, it did but minor. It was then Albert confided in me that his cat Roy had died and I was chagrined I did not know, if fact, old Roy had died on September 21^st almost a month and I had not noticed. Roy and Albert were always together—Roy followed Albert round the yard like a dog follows her master. These two did have a communication with other and it was good. But now Roy was dead and gone. Albert was quiet, more quiet then usual an I broached the question was he OK. Albert shook himself free of his sadness and indicated that he was OK, that they hd gotten over their sadness and moved on. Then Albert asked if wanted to see Roy’s grave—how could I refuse—she was buried over here at the side of the house. I was shocked when I did get over to the side of the house a found a whole pet cemetery. Cats and dogs who ha called Albert’s place home. I cannot believe I have been Albert’s neighbor for going on 15 years and I had just now come on this shrine not ten feet from our property line. I liked Roy, and I usually don’t like cats—Roy kept to his side of the fence only coming into our yard when Albert ventured into our yard.—I miss Roy because I know Albert missed Roy a lot and I think Albert was hoping he, Albert, would avoid this pain by “going” first will it did not happen. Alone again , naturally .