Give Me Strength

My power chair Saga continues. I was really hoping to hear back from my durable medical equipment provider about repairs to the seat base of my wheelchair which I broke a couple of weeks ago. As of last Monday there had been no progress made regarding its authorization for repair. I remembered the last time I had this problem with the broken riser arm that I had the boys at U C A T just weld the piece back into place. So I called them in hopes their technician was working and I would just have them weld the piece again. But of course the holidays is no time to try to get services from State agency. It seems any and all folks are combining their holiday time in any Annual time they may have. I cannot fault them, I remember when I was a state employee I did the same thing and who knows how much consternation I caused folks who desperately were trying to get information.. By Christmas Eve I had not received any calls to the many requests I left. It was during that time a light bulb went off in my head: why don't I just take my chair to a welding shop and have them tack the arm back in place. At this point I was getting pretty stir crazy being trapped at home. So on Thursday I began checking out welding shops in my area. Of course many of the smaller shops were also closed until after the new year. I finally found a larger shop said they could do the work if I gave them an hour lead time. I sat on this information remainder of the day and decided the next day, Friday I would drag my chair into the shop and have it do the weld.

I discussed I need to give my chair into the shop with Dianne who was more than willing to do the driving. We decided that it was probably easier for everyone involved if Dianne would just take the chair and I would stay home. She had a full afternoon running around and errands to do. But it all worked out perfectly. She dropped the chair I did some errands and was called within an hour saying chair was done and she could pick it up any time. I was astounded when she brought chair home and I witnessed the excellence of the work performed on the power chair. And even better they did this work free of charge! Why had I waited so long to have this problem rectified? Seriously I think I lost more than two weeks of volunteer work and the physical workouts because my failed chair in my failed actions to take charge. This is a lesson that I continually receive and I do not seem to learn this lesson.

Odd as it is I didn't use my chair the day following its repair, electing to stay in my manual chair as we the family spent the afternoon brainstorming some problems of repair the household. Today however I did mount up and headed out with the family to do some shopping. The tilt mechanism on the chair worked perfectly and this weld job was much better than the last. It felt great to be back in my chair and back in control of my life. However, I have detected a weird popping noise from my front left castor and I'm sure the castor is worn out and needs replacement. So it's back to either the shop or U C A T to see about a replacement. I plan to drive this chair as much as I can in the interim. It just never stops. But I'm going to see the bright side of this challenge and be thankful for my health, my family and when I have because I do have a whole lot going for me.

Hang Time 2013

Once again I find myself in the “Hang Time”, that period of time between Christmas and New Year's. Typically I have had enough Annual to be able to take that time, those days, as annual leave and not work for the entire week. Now that I'm in retirement it's weird this hang time feels altogether different. Before retirement the time between holidays or more accurately between work periods felt pressured. I don't think I really ever enjoyed that time because I was always sweating the return to work, particularly when I was manager of Access Utah. I always seemmed to have a board meeting to return to after the holidays or something. I would come in to the office rushed, having to make/print agendas, minutes of the last meeting and anything else which mght needed to hand out to the Board. If this stress was not enough there was always the underlying stress usually all through the holiday of having this return to work trauma. It's really weird now in retirement there is no stress, and never returning to work unless you count what I do is volunteer which is not work at all.

And no longer do I feel I have to cram as much living recreating into a period of days and feel bad even guilty if I waste some of this precious “vacation” time. I am enjoying, really enjoying hang time this holiday season, getting up when I wake up not getting a because I told myself to get up at a certain early hour. I make appointments for things I need to do not things I have to do because of the job– I truly am working for myself ,really kind of enjoying myself, perhaps for the first time.

I keep looking at the calendar reminding myself that this is the hang time in the calendar and not just days on the calendar,the days on the calendar just do not m mean what they used to. I used to fixate on the day that Christmas or New Year's with fall-on trying to figure out which holiday would be the longest depending on where it landed on the calendar I. E. Sunday holidays were longer because you got the day afterwards as a holiday too and this seemed to make a difference during work time but not now. I would suffer a small feeling of loss when the holiday would be over saying goodbye the free time enjoyed for a short space. This feeling is similar to waking from a nap,the feeling is almost physically painful to have to go through the waking process again. Closing the holiday was like saying good bye to an old friend you did not want to leave. Now all my hours are precious even more so, because all the hours really do belong to me.

Ho,Ho,Ho!!!

This last week was the Christmas/holiday party for the local independent living center, the facility where I worked for nearly 20 years. Somewhere along the line I started becoming the Santa Claus which would appear at these functions can have some candy canes or whatever facility came up with. Odd that even after my separation with the independent living center, as an employee, I'm still tapped to be the Santa every year. I don't have a problem with being St. Nick especially when I worked with the state and was able to take the time as part of my job function I. E. Community relations. Being St. Nick is easy duty. I just have to show up dressed in suit, provided, and pass out whatever they want me to pass out. The clientele is changed significantly over the years from folks with primarily physical disabilities to folks with developmental disabilities and some emotional disabilities which is cool because the Center has always been a cross disability project. However for whatever reason the phy/dis folks just about stopped coming but still fun.

This year is the first year I performed this role as a retired person. It's a bit different or it was this year. This year the Christmas function happened on the same day a fairly significant snowstorm chose to wander through the valley. The snowstorm was actually preceded by an ice storm which did a number on a number power lines in the Salt Lake area. Of course the independent living center was without power when we arrived. I should note great thanks to Dianne who drove me to the function and stayed with me for the entire event. There is no way I was going to be able to use public transit with a snow day like Thursday and of my chair being as gimped up as it is.

The Center had been without power all night. I was truly surprised there had not been any damage done to the building. But still there was no light and no way to cook the meal that was offered by the center to those who attended. Quick thinking by staff saved the day by accessing the camping equipment. The bill of fare was essentially breakfast: sausage, scrambled eggs and hash browns. Etc. The Santa event was held in the recreation area a part of the building with many great Windows and easily lit by outside light, the show went on. Fortunately for me, because of the snow very few people showed, comparatively speaking. We seemmed to be in and out that's all right by me.

This is the first year, as I said, I did the Santa gig and not charge the agency I happen to be working for at the time. This year my being Santa was truly a gift from me to the Center. I hadn't really thought of that until now as I write this and I guess it does make me feel sort of good. I kind of wish more the old clients, staff and community professionals who used to attend would've been there. I do miss them many times is the only time of the year I catch up with some of these people and I must admit that I don't get to see them I miss them in my holiday is a bit less. Who knows? Maybe next year I will see some of the folks I missed this year. Either Way, Merry Christmas!

Dianne and me

Do I Feel Lucky?

Blog 1218 2013 – – Wednesday

Dianne picked up my power chair this afternoon. It actually looks great for partial repair. Installed new tires with much more tread than I was using and the hangers and been replaced, leg hangers for foot pedal hangers. I'm thinking this will greatly add to the usability of my chair and I should be okay as long as I don't tilt the seat back. I think I can cruise this way until I get word on whether or not the insurance will cover the cost of a new seating device. I've been doing some checking on KSL.com, the local online classifieds page hosted by the local CBS affiliate. They have a complete medical section with a list used medical/health equipment. They have lots of chairs. So I've noticed a number of chairs similar to mine, they have tilt systems very similar but not exactly like mine. my insurance will not cover a new tilt system then maybe I can scavenge one of these at a much lower cost. They may even have one over at U C A T if I'm lucky and I'm beginning to feel lucky.

`More Wheelchair Challenges

Once again I am embroiled with my durable medical provider in a battle to fix my power chair. I have never been so stranded in my power chair as I have been this year. Last week as I was traversing to and from my appointments in my power chair I have been stuck at least four times in snow and ice. I have been stuck at curb cuts where snowplows and dumped quantities of snow which has turned to ice making their use and possible to wheelchair users such as myself.

Last week while coming home from my Wellness workout I was trying to navigate down the strip of sidewalk by the local 711 where I catch my bus. The snow had not  been shoveled from this strip of sidewalk and in the late afternoon slush and ice I became stuck. I sat there waving my arms trying to rock my chair back and forth in an effort to free myself from the freezing slickness. While I was rocking the proprietor of the 711 came out and tried to free me and at the same time Two or three people stopped and also entered into the challenge. It was a major struggle to free me from the ice. Two guys on the back of the chair and one person on the front pushing and finally I was freed. I  left the sidewalk and got back on the street which had been freed of snow and ice and was able to get home. It was only then, at home, I realized there was something wrong with my chair when I tried to tilt in place that the seat was pulling  to the left. I knew immediately one of the tiltiing arms of the seat mechanism had snapped. Obviously the break happened while the good Samaritans were yanking and pulling my chair in the ice flow. I don't know what else I could have done at that moment. The damage is done and all I can do now is make arrangements to drop my chair off at the wheelchair shop and start the process. It has been nearly a week now and I spoke to my technician today and they really have not done any work on the repair waiting for me to get them the authorization to contact my insurance provider to see if the work recovered. Of course this will take time and I just have to accept that and I have. Luckily, if I don't tilt in place I should be okay. This will be a challenge but at least I will have transportation in my chair and I can make some of mine usual appointments. So far I've missed a couple of wellness workouts and my Monday volunteer experience at 211. I have to admit the stress of a broken chair is not nearly as bad in retirement as in worktime.

Now, the second challenge is trying to bring my new manual chair into some sort of usable condition. This chair, this new chair, has been a major thorn in my side. The wheels will not stay on, the chair is really too long for me to use in my lifestyle and the cushion is to large for me to independently transfer onto. I am now in the process of contacting my primary therapist and the durable medical rep to set up a meeting to see if we can figure out a way to make this chair usable to me. The major problem of this new chair is that I have to use my insurance to make the purchase and I only get so many chairs in the five-year period. I cannot order another at this point in time so I need to make this other manual chair work. I foresee problems on the horizon. I'm cool I can survive this I just hope my butt can. 

My Dad

This is one of my favorite images of my dad. A young man just entering middle age probably 40 or 39. He is pictured beside his service vehicle for Boise Heating and Equipment company a company he worked for more than 30 years. Among other things my dad was a card-carrying member of the sheet metal workers union. He was a union man, I don't really know how he felt about being in the union but I know he was a union guy. I remember only one labor strike my dad was involved in. It really did not seem a big deal of time, the strike but I guess it was. I don't know if his union got the demands they were striving for but he was out of work for a couple weeks it seemed.

As an old guy now I look back at these pictures altogether differently than I did decades ago. Knowing what I know now about work, individual, parental and personal responsibility this image tells me  much more now than it used to. The company trusted my dad to drive this truck, take the truck home and kind of care for it as his own. I remember two trucks my dad used and obviously a third exemplified in this photo. I wish this image was in color I'll bet the pickup is cherry red as was the panel truck and Ford Econoline van he drove in later years. Of course dad never used the service truck for personal convenience. My dad always worke " on call” meaning he could be called on any time day or night weekdays or weekends for service work. I often rode to work with my father dropping me off at school before he reported to shop for the days calls.

I look at this image and see a guy with a steady job, a good job, blue-collar but good honest work that brought home enough money to pay the bills, feed the kids and live a lower middle-class life. I once asked my dad what he had wanted most in his life and he said something like he would've liked to been a farmer or rancher. So he settled for 40 hours plus a week being a service worker plus the owner of a small 14 acre farm. The farm was half pasture and half crops usually corn or alfalfa. We did have a small 

( large if you had to weed the garden yourself) garden space attached to a small raspberry patch. We flood irrigated the farm once a week during the summer and milk cows every day of the year. We sold milk to the neighbors and to the dairy. We milked anywhere between five and six cows twice a day. We were nothing but industrious. We also maintained a fairly large woodpile made up of scrap lumber be harvested from knocking apart wood shipping crates that furnaces would arrive at my dad's shop We would knock the crates apart pull out the nails that separate the lumber into boards which could be used in building and pieces so damaged they were only good for burning in the furnace. I remember the woodpile being huge.The wood pile was large enough to have tunnels, spaces in the piled wood perfect for forts. My brother and I often played or hid the wood pile.

My dad looks confident in this image I envy him that, I don't think I've ever felt as confident as he looks in this one image.

Let Caution Mark My Way

Blog December 11, 2013 – – Wednesday

The weather has been monstrous the last couple weeks. We had a midsize snowstorm two weeks ago followed by dangerously frigid air. The first day after the storm of course as of Monday and I had to go into 211 to volunteer for my shift. I actually got caught in snowdrifts three times so severely that I had to rely on others for pushing out of the snow. I was okay though and was able to make my appointments that I have to admit I was a bit shaken and have began to a little in my veracity survive the elements as I used to. I have continued though to venture out in the cold. I am wearing socks every day however and I've defaulted to my giant jacket.

The storms of the past, no new snow but now I'm having to contend with the vicious aftermath and the Arctic temperatures. The streets and sidewalks downtown of course you no problem. Snow removal has been good and sidewalks have been cleared to all destinations I interested in. It's when you get out in the residential areas that snow removal becomes iffy. In many places there's been no snow removal at all on sidewalks forcing me to roll in the streets which is okay if I leave early in the morning are traveling between rush hours. Of course the snow plows, as always, has pushed the snow and ice into the curb cuts making accessing sidewalks and crosswalks challenging at best. Case in point yesterday morning, midmorning I was bound for my Assist, Inc. meeting and caught my front casters in the snow ice flow coming off the sidewalk crossing State Street and 5900 S. I actually sat in the curb cut trying to rock my chair free of its icy grip. It was only again, after three people saw me struggling and stop their vehicles got out and pushed me free of the ice trap. I was truly grateful. I don't know what's going on with me I used to have contingencies for these kind of situations. I just don't anymore and that worries me.

So now I am traveling more cautiously I will not push my luck by crashing through the ice flows like I used to. I travel with a cell phone that I can reach you try to go wherever I go in daylight. If I travel after dark I just am more careful and doubly cautious. Such is life after retirement.

Slipping

I don't know if it's retirement, age or a long life with this ability but I feel I'm slipping, becoming soft am looking for the easy way out. Snow fell during the night, not much less than 2 inches but enough fell to cover everything was frozen whiteness. Of course the snow is followed by freezing temperatures. I was listening to the radio this morning at seven o'clock and the high of the day had been reached and it was 27°. Shamefully I must admit I was happy to hear my friend David, at Assist, Inc. canceled this morning board meeting. There was a time when I did not think twice about suiting up and headed out to a meeting or function I was supposed to be at. I even look down on those able-bodied folk who did show up to a meeting most likely because the weather.

I prided myself on making these events but nobody else did. Perhaps, it was the only way I look better than other folks, maybe I needed this false illusion of my validity and vitality. Now however, and retirement, and begin to see things different. I still have guilt for missing meetings that I could've made but elected not to go. I'm a volunteer now, just a ghost of who I used to be. I make the decisions for I will go.

Yesterday I left my tablet at 211. I called 211 on the train on my way homeTo have my electronic found and secured. I told the operator I spoke with to give the equipment to Sarah who I'm sure will take good care of the device. Now I just have to man up, Dress-up and headed to the city to pick tablet. I had almost decided to blow off my workout session today but I really would like to get my tablet . It is a shame how dependent I've become.

So, I need to get dressed get something to eat, warm, head out into the storm, snow. 

December

The month rolled over to December this past holiday weekend, the whole  Christmas thing is kicking in. Today is warm, a day before the storm, tomorrow should be seriously cold with snow. I have Assist.Inc and Wellness--I don't know if I will do any. I may just sit the storm out. There was a time I could not do such a thing. I felt too  responsible. I felt I was criticle--not now. I am just a Joe and they( who ever they might be) well get by just fine. The rest of the week is just Wellness and i could stay home and workout if going out in the frozen after storm proves too difficult or dangerous.

I spent  Sunday writing the usual first of the month letters but will not mail till I get some gift cards--tried to get hold of Mark A but was a no go-I must try harder because in the end family contact is my responsibility.
I continue to answer calls at 211 just for the fun of it. Just getting ready for the cold.

Post Thanksgiving Saturday

So far it is been a great Thanksgiving weekend. It's been quiet and that's not bad.. DD and I prepared a complete Thanksgiving dinner just for the two of us. We had everything turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, Wine, cherry Jell-O and of course pumpkin pie with whip cream. We watched a couple movies played on the Internet it was a fun day. This was a year when all the families had other options going or we had not heard from any so we just had a quiet dinner by ourselves. Don't stress no deadlines just the two of us. Who knows maybe next year will do more.

Struggle

I struggled all day yesterday, and in fact I have been struggling all week and I really don't know quite what to do except to go through whenever I have to go through. Day before yesterday was when my issues of uncontrolled spasticity begin to-be significantly relevant. For the past couple weeks maybe months the pad on my left arm rest of my power chair has begin to disintegrate. Now I realize I am the big reason for the disintegration of is equipment piece. I rely on this piece heavily pull myself up to a sitting position after slouching in my chair or when spasticity slides me out of my chair. Typically, I can hook the back handle my chair and then pulling on my arm rest again set myself up to push myself back. I think in fairness to me last week I, under my own initiative, made arrangements and made appointment at Alpine Medical. Of course I was told they did not have the armrest and stock and then proceeded to do an inventory of what my chair seem to need. Again granted my chair is in pretty rough shape I should be taking better care of it but still I wasn't in the mood to be up sold on equipment I may or may not need just to meet my present need of the armrest. Anyway no armrest and was back out in public trying to maintain myself as independent as possible with damaged chair.

I finally have a major spasm while I was holding on to the arm rest and the spasm was so fierce I pulled the armrest from the arm of the chair, shattering the plastic base that held it to the bar on the armrest. They were jags a sharp plastic explosive this time. I was not an issue to me but sure freaked out physical therapy staff when they saw what happened. Actually it was K I K I the OT, who jumped on the occasion and wrapped up my jagged armrest with great redtape I did appreciate that. Later that same afternoon my right leg had spasmed out and I was struggling to pull it back onto the footplate and one of the new PT's actually stopped and asked if he could assist and I said yes. Now the best assist is to have the person I'm physically place 1 foot back of the foot plate. Now to me this is no big deal but I have come to realize many people on the outside don't like touching other people – – people are so weird. But anyway Mark the new PT assisted me in repositioning my foot and we made a funny little bond.

So yesterday I called Alpine medical to see if any movement had happened on my order. I didn't care about anything except the armrest of course, Which I was told was not in stock. Well, of course nothing had been ordered there always waiting for the insurance. I just want my equipment fixed and to get off my life. Well I was surprised when talking to the tech, who was not the person I spoke with earlier, that the piece I wanted was in stock and I could come down and he would install it . So that is exactly what I did and that is exactly what he did and he did not even charge me installation time which is totally different than any of my previous experiences with Alpine medical.

The equipment repair has not stopped my spasms but has allowed me to deal with the spasms a great deal better. I feel part of the problem is the angle are playing of my foot plate which I have damaged by digging the foot pedals into the crown of the street which sometimes do if I forget to tilt my chair back a little. This may help If s this repair happens at an affordable price.

I hope Something happens because quite frankly I'm exhausted and him the day pulling l myself back into my chair something got give. I'm getting tired just thinking of my day ahead.

Spasms

Spasms getting worse,yesterday I needed assistance several times to free my left side and get back in my chair, while out in the world...more to come...

Thanksgiving Week

It's officially Thanksgiving week and I must admit Thanksgiving week is a bit different when you're in retirement. If I were working I would be excited at the idea of a four-day weekend. For the longest time while employed, I managed to take the Friday following Thanksgiving off as vacation, long before the Friday seems to have been incorporated into the Thanksgiving holiday as is today. So I was excited, seem work slowed down a little, many folks in the office would take time off for the holiday as would many of the professionals I would work with and other agencies and programs. So, little got done aside from showing up to work and in many cases enjoying treats brought him by staff. Now I am symptom excitement but not the same. Due to the holiday my schedule will change since the physical therapy unit I have my Wellness program at will be closed the Friday following Thanksgiving. So if I want my three days of wellness I'm going to have to cut some time I put in at my volunteer position at 211 on Mondays. And I think I like that. Again, for whatever reason, the phone calls at 211 or the frequency of calls seem much slower and my need there is much more in question. So tomorrow, Monday, I intend to just work till 12 o'clock then head out to Wellness. I know I will be three hours early so what? I'm enjoying this time.

So, I'm giving myself five hours by checking out early from 211 and that's okay they will survive and I will be able to get up early, get my latte go into 211 see my buddies take a few calls and leave. I will take myself somewhere for lunch, maybe or just hang out at the library or just wander either way I feel excited. I feel like it's going to be a holiday. Dianne And I were making the shortlist for Thanksgiving dinner. We will be alone this holiday that's okay. We're going to bake a turkey breast, Make dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy and of course pumpkin pie I think it's going to be a fun holiday I am feeling excited. Maybe we'll go couple of movies from red box, Open a bottle of wine kick back and enjoy the evening.

Just Remebering

Notice the leg in this image, on my right leg...

Following my accident, hospitalization, and physical therapy I returned home and began the slow process of living in my new life with a disability. I don't remember being too frustrated about the whole disability thing. I think I was too close trying to survive this cataclysmic event in my life. Each day I would get up, do my bathroom routine which included showering transferring out of the shower back into my chair, then into my bedroom where the first thing I did was dry off my penis and mess around with it enough to get as much an erection as I could so I could apply skin glue to the penis and then roll the external catheter onto my penis squeeze out as much air between the phallus and the rubber because the seal created would be my first line of defense against leakage of piss when I urinated. After the skin glue and application of the rubber two strips of tape were applied round the shaft of the partially erect penis, hopefully securing the seal. This external catheter, which was pretty much a rubber attached to a clear plastic tube which was connected to a leg bag which I would then attach to my leg with rubber straps. I wish I had images of this but in those days that would've been forbidden but graphic nonetheless and a great example of this whole process.

I did this routine roughly for the next 40 some years until I begin have an old guy issues with my prostate and urinary problems. I just couldn't piss. There were visits to my primary medical person who in turn referred me to the dreaded urologist! I had done excellent in the 40 some years past life trauma to avoid his personal cost. Once I remember right after I had gotten to rehabilitation they removed the indwelling catheter I had from the hospital which I remember house in great pain. There was such great pain, or I thought that was such a pain I would not even consider the medical profession sticking a piece of plastic of my urethra and then inflating a balloon so the thing would not come out. Again, it seems they tried anyway but I crashed and thrashed so much they all backed away and came back with the idea of a Texas catheter or external Catheter. I was amazed and blown away when once again I was introduced to catheterization, this time intermittent catheterization meaning you catheterize yourself. I braced myself for the huge wave of pain I knew was coming as they brought the lubed catheter to my exposed penis and slowly thrust plastic and inside and pushed the catheter up my urethra. There was no pain in fact there was great relief as the inner pressure of the bladder immediately receded I dream about 800ml, probably the first time in decades my bladder had been trained as it should have. There was no pain just relief and a major page was turned in my life story.

I can't believe how long I played the game of gluing my penis every morning to latex prophylactic and peeing into a bag, granted concept of self catheterization had not yet been developed, and I think I was too active to try to survive with an indwelling catheter. Still I wish someone had stopped me along the way and at least introduced me to the concept of self catheterization… I wonder how my life would have changed.
Just a note, this is not what I started out intending to write about, it just sort of came out.

Maintenance Day

Blog November 20, 2013 – – Wednesday

I'm waiting patiently. I have an appointment at 11 o'clock over at Alpine medical to have my wheelchair looked at to see what it will take to have my chair more bearable by me. It's just little stuff this day I need a new armrest on my left side. I hope I'll be able to drop In have somebody see the problem and Install another. No big deal I'm afraid they will look at the problem try to review my insurance order in the part then install. This is the take weeks I don't have weeks. Probably more important is that I'm going to have them look at my foot pedals to see if there's any repair that can be done to fix the problem of my feet slightly off the foot pedal. This didn't bother me much until a couple weeks ago but I think I bounced the foot pedals off the street stressing out the connecting arms of the hangars to the main wheelchair. I again feel they're going to want to replace the connecting posts which will be just about 100 bucks apiece which is just a pain in the ass. I have not been impressed at all with the service of this provider, Alpine medical.

Alpine medical begin providing durable medical equipment and support for my insurance provider earlier this year. Until then I had been receiving services from an outfit called Magic Rest Medical which had some sort of a meltdown systemwide and my insurance provider canceled services which set in place irrevocable Consequences which caused them to collapse. So Alpine medical swooped in and took over all their accounts one of which was mine. They just don't give the same service as Magic Rest. So I've been slow to go to Alpine medical any kind support until I absolutely have to and now I'm there.

I'm still significantly involved with my Wellness program. I'm beginning to have doubts that this program may be the best option for me but I continue to go even though my service seems to be diminishing. I can't blame the program I knew that the physical Support was limited, With two therapy aides. These two kids do a great job but they're getting overwhelmed as more and more folks enrolling Wellness. I'm just finding I'm getting boned off equipment and not being able to get access to equipment which is not accessible for long periods of time. I really have always 60 min. to do my workout because the time of the day. I work out between three and four o'clock and really, want to get home during daylight if I can. If I go over four clock I really*get home very late and I am traveling in the dark. I'm still considering very seriously investing in an ergo meter, hand cycle device. The trade-off is, if I get such a device, I will have less contact with humanity than I already do, which is not necessarily bad but the easy way out and something tells me I need to keep connected/involved in life.Cancel; Still There Is a Very Positive Feeling I Get to Having This Equipment at Home and Being Able to Exercise Whenever I Wish Especially on Weekends..

So Dianne will drive me to Alpine Medical world begin the first part of my day with my wheelchair evaluation then killed time until Wellness this afternoon at three o'clock.

All in all I really am beginning to enjoy my retirement as it is.

Charge Me Baby

Blog November 14, 2013, Thursday

I am not sure what I got myself into now but I feel motivated to make the next step. I've verbalized for some time that I need to have access to a charger out in the community when I am out rolling around in my chair. I think or seem to remember I have groused on topic a lot when the first chair I ordered did not have an onboard charger. I was beside myself, I could not believe the direction powered mobility had gone. I've had to accept this move but I have not appreciated the move. So, I figured out a life that allows me to use my power chair and not be so frightened of running out of power while in the community. This means that I drag along with me a battery charger. I found a small trickle charger at UCAT,Which is slow as molasses but would do the trick if I desperately needed a charge. I keep planning to get a more functional charger to carry around but I have not as yet.

The last decade or so I've been quite involved in the area of assistive technology particularly in the area reutilization of assistive technology. I worked with projects that have tried to reintroduce used equipment, that is good equipment, back into the community of folks with disabilities. Long story short this project rendered a great deal of used but good battery chargers. Currently these chargers are sitting stacked like cord wood at places like Utah Center for Assistive Technology,Independent living centers across the state and many vendors of durable medical equipment.

I wish to access these battery charger stockpiles and move these valuable pieces of equipment to the public domain.If I had my way I would place these chargers and facilities like public libraries, where the chargers can be checked out like reference materials, a couple hours of the time and not leaving the building. I chose libraries because they already have a checkout system in place and libraries are centrally located, wheelchair accessible and generally staffed with aultristic folk. Libraries aside ideally other charging stations could be located at scepters of public transit like train stations on light rail systems, hospitals, malls, theaters and food markets places frequented by people who use power chairs.

I finally got professional physical therapist, who is respected, to believe in my program. He even carried through with my request to get a couple of chargers at Wellness program offered by University of Utah sugarhouse physical therapy clinic. I also have the support of the director of the spinal cord injury program at the University of Utah was also my primary physician. I think I can now get the attraction I need to move to the next step of implementation. This is such an easy task I hope it does not become mired in political mud.

I currently am bringing back the Access Utah Network Facebook page and I plan to use the page to develop interest in this project. I will also begin visiting with members of the A T committee to see what kind of support I might get from these folk. This project is so needed and so doable it hurts.

I am really trying not to let my cynical side take over, this is hard.

Freedom!!

Dr Sheen

I was surprised but pleased yesterday when I checked messages on my cell phone and found a message from E cardio, the company that does the heart monitoring and whose device I have worn I was done with the neutral (for the past 30 some days. I was done with the study, the company drone left a message on how to disengage from the machinery, pack materials materials in the boxes and send them back to the mothership. Now, I have to wait to hear back from my cardiologist Dr. Sheen. I'm pretty sure the test revealed nothing of damaged Or broken heart. This is okay by me.I just

I just don't know how Dr. Sheen is going to react. I mean really this whole exercise, 30 days, is finally done I bent to his well. I think I could rendered as much information in 10 days, even seven and got just as much information regarding my own ticker. I still think he was just pissed at me for coming back before the year's end. Now having said all this, let me go on the record to state that I believe Dr. Sheen is probably the best cardiologists in the West if not the oldest. This guy is ancient, he is a fossil but I can tell he knows his stuff and that it was probably a miracle that I got the cardiologist that I did. I think this guy has probably seen and done everything a cardiologist can do. True he seems a bit rigid and that's okay. I would rather have him push his educated well if that will make me a healthier person or save from death.D rSheen's actions may will catch a problem that I didn't even know that I had.

So my 30 day struggle is over. I broke the monitor just once and E Cardio had to send a backup monitor selected finish my trial. I thought it was kind of weird that 30 days is 30 days regardless of any time during that period that the monitor was not sending data for one reason or another. Again, I don't think it really matters, I think they had enough time to get the data thy needed, probably well more than enough time to pull an accurate conclusion. So, I wait to see what the grand old cardiologist is going to say. Until then I'll continue on with my life doing Wellness and figuring out what else I am going to do in the area of volunteering.

More Change… The New Normal!

I sense more changes heading my way and you know what? That's not half bad. This time I believe the change is coming for me at least I believe it is but my naivety still great. I have almost made up my mind to discontinue my volunteer service to 211 our United Way. The organization is just changing too quickly or if not to quickly to a direction I'm not comfortable with our comfortable serving in. This does not mean the organization is bad, far from it. I guess since the need that I once felt to be there on Monday mornings are Monday all day is no longer there and this time perhaps for me to Move On. I don't know what I will do next if anything but I want to do something and to do good. I've briefly spoken to the folks at University Hospital regarding volunteering I still need to talk with to volunteer people at I HC medical to see if there's something for me there. Either way, something is going to happen something wonderful.

I am nearing the completion of my” 30 day”heart monitoring. Actually when all is done, actually 40 days in the harness, and I will be glad to get this box off my body. Experience is not that bad just very annoying but I think good for me in the area of commitment to giving something stupidly done. I really do believe this whole 30 day thing has been a sentence, a spanking if you well for being a prick to the medical establishment I. E.” The great Dr. sheen”. The old man , lesson learned: don't waste the old man's time.

Do I Really Want To Know??

When things begin to repeat themselves in my life I take notice. I don't know if I believe that the great, as in capital great Someone, is trying to tell me something but usually I slow down and at least try to see what's happening. I believe this is happening now, to me. I am being shaken awake and I need to do something.

Twice now maybe more, there have been articles on NPR about adopted kids searching out their birth mothers. I have written about this in the past just a little bit but I think I'm being sent messages and that I need to be doing something about this. One NPR article was interesting in that the whole family( adoptive family) new about the adoptive parent the entire time and  the adopted kid was completely in the dark. So I wonder if my brothers and sisters, maybe even my cousins let alone aunts  all know who my birth mother is or at least how to get a hold of her! I would not  be surprised. So now I must consider "do I wish to explore this path"?. If I do, It seems the most logical person who would know of my birth mother's existence would be my aunt Elaine, my mother's baby sister. This sounds weird I know, but my adoptive mother lived with my grandmother a number of months before I was born.Now, you can't tell me that the sisters and their mother don't talk especially about something like this. So, when someone lives under the same roof as you are your mother you'll get to know them and I can't believe, forget about them once an event passes of this magnitude, the magnitude of my birth and being separated from the person who gave me birth. I am really trying not overthink this but I can't help myself sometimes. But I must take into consideration is the power my mother/mom held over people when she was alive and how strong this is from the grave, I don't know. So even if family members knew this information I don't know if  they would render this informaotion up. I believe someone would if, I cornered the right person at the right time. I just have to methodically start the process of going down family members to get the answer. Again, the big drawback is do I even really want this information, or do I want The information bad Enough to expend this kind of energy and how viable with this information be were it secured? I think for my children but if you the information would be valuable as far as health questions and being able to better present an accurate historical medical account of ancestral information which might be helpful to the progeny. I don't think I want a reunion of those I never knew, I cannot say this hundred percent but the thought does not intrigue me. I don't know if I want to bury any more parents I mean it's one of the main reasons I don't get another dog. They die too quick.

I must consider the options more figure out how to play this hand I have been dealt and do I even want to play this hand.

Snow Day Ponderings

Snow fell during the night, just as skiff but enough to make people cautious and overprotective. Today is kind of a weird day for me. Yesterday, was my usual day at 211. So I go in and a number of weird things happen. First, Liz, who is the new director type at 211 pulls me aside and tells me that because call volume has lowered or slowed that maybe I should think about not  coming  in on Tuesdays. I have been going in on Tuesdays for a couple hours until my meeting with Assist Inc . which starts at 11 o'clock. I advised Liz that I come in early on Tuesdays to kill time before my meeting. I like being down town early in the morning and being up and early.

So I returned my phone calls. I'm probably an hour into my calls when suddenly my computer station begins to the fail. Every time my phone rings  I received a sharp shrill sound in my ear. I had to go on  “ technical” to see if the IT guy could resolve the problem. Not long into this problem the floor lead pulls me aside and she tells me that if I did not want to come in on Tuesdays no problem. The frequency of calls are down so you don't need to come in. So I begin give her the same diatribe I gave to Liz. In the back of my mind I'm beginning to think maybe they don't want me here on Tuesdays. But I explained to the lead that I'm just killing time, she backs off insisting that it's okay she just wanted let me know if I didn't want to come in, no problem.

So the rest of the day these comments sort of festered in my head that by the time I got home I had resigned myself to the idea,” screw them” I don't need to waste my time on Tuesday mornings, low-frequency calls. I can sleep in and still going to me by assignment at System Inc. on the advisory board.

I called Dianne to let her know that I was probably coming home , she suggested that I go into Wellness that afternoon and work out then. Typically I am at 211 all day on Mondays. But because IT had not been able to resolve my computer problems, because IT could not resolve the problem with my computer, I was turned loose about 11 o'clock in the morning. I had all day so why not do wellness on a Monday?

 I had time to kill a couple of hours, so I figured why not go up to the University hospital and see what their volunteer needs might be. Maybe it is time to move on. So I jumped Route 2, up to the University hospital. I checked in with Volunteer Services, who gave me the lowdown and then I went to the cafeteria, what a great day!

Snow fell during the night, my Tuesday commitments evaporated, the day is cold and I am home enjoying this free day. Today I'm exploring options and writing my letters.Snow fell during the night and I'm enjoying my free day.

Ramblings About Options

Wednesday was my light workout day at Wellness. On this day I supposedly do less heavy lifting which supposedly gives my muscles a rest. On this day I do the arm bike, I do my usual 30 min. plus cooldown and then I work with these colored bands which I stretch against an supposedly gives my arms a workout just not as heavy as with the weights. However I've noticed as I've gotten to the green band which seems to be a little harder to stretch against. I'm really straining my muscles. Wednesday I think I strained my AC joint on my left side which has been causing me some pain and difficulty to the point that I elected not to go in today and give my body a rest. I of course felt guilty for shirking my duty to my body and I kind of felt bad for the staff for not showing up but really they don't care that's okay. I am at wellness for me. So I'm using this day to rest .

So this posting dovetails with the last blog posting. I am wondering how much I use the Wellness program as a form of socialization and if I should develop this home gym like we are considering, I would probably go in less to Wellness and work more at home or at the Holiday Lions Recreation Center. DD has been researching the recreation center and we have both been impressed at how much the center has to offer especially for the amount of money involved. I am particularly interested in the recreation center since they have a very nice, heated pool which is majorly accessible. The recreation center is really not that far from our home 1015 min. Besides the pool the rec center also offers access to free weights, machine weights and even a quasi arm cycle. I'm not sure how much I would actually use the weights at this facility as much as I would use the pool.

What really surprised me when thinking about the alternative health options was that in spite of myself I think I would miss some of the old farts at Wellness. There are a number of fellows close tot my age that come in on a regular basis. I was not going to engage with these folks and just focus on my Wellness but that did not last long and I have gotten to know some of these folks and it's interesting. It's interesting to have other males my age with disabilities attending this program that I can actually communicate with if I so desire. I don't know how much I would want communicate with these guys or you see them on the social setting outside of Wellness but the option would be there and these are folks that I know now. They have become part of my orbit and social network.

We will have to see what happens in the next couple months and see if we actually follow through with the equipment we've been talking about. The drawback of such equipment is the footprint they will take up in the house. There is little room in the house as of this just for us but the opportunity is there now to be in control of my weight and muscle mass. It is not important how I maintain these items what is important is that I do it. Then, if I have to force myself to socialize that will have to be a hurdle that I forced myself to jump over. I cannot understate or overstate how important the wellness concept is to me right now. Wednesday was my light workout day and wellness on this dayOn this day I supposed to do less heavy lifting

Working It Out

I am sure somewhere in writing this blog I have used the analogy  of the dog who chases  the car and what would  the mutt do if he actually catches the vehicle? Well, I think I'm becoming that mutt. As you all know I have been involved with the Wellness program offered by the University of Utah physical therapy rehabilitation program. Again I am impressed with the quality  and the amount of good the Wellness program has done for me: I've dropped a little weight, trimmed up and got some definition in my musculature. This project has obviously been good for me to the point I want to keep going in the direction of healthy self improvement. The Wellness program is okay, actually it's damn good for what it does. Wellness offers a platform for folks with disabilities to take some healthy control of their lives by offering a weight room and quasi trainers to assist in their efforts at an affordable price for most if not many folks with disabilities. There are a host of drawbacks with this program but I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks to the point where my involvement with the Wellness program has become a major focus of my week visiting the program at least three times during the week.

So obviously the next step is leave your home to exercise if you could exercise at home?  I have been kind of searching the Internet for used equipment that would allow me to do the same exercise that I do at Wellness. To this end Dianne found a rickshaw listed on KSL.com for 50 bucks. This is a deal regardless of how you view the equipment or the price. I have endeavored this week and making contact with the individual who posted the rickshaw. We may contact and I bought the item, sight unseen except for what was listed in the” Classifieds”. The item listed looks like a rickshaw, not as nice a rickshaw as I see listed, but again, for the price very much worth the risk. 

It's the morning of Wednesday, October 30 and I am waiting optimistically for the individual to drop off the rickshaw. I'm a little spooked, not knowing what to expect for to put this piece of the equipment that will be worked out in due time. Dianne and I spoke last night and she is supporting the acquisition of an arm cycle here at the house. The arm cycle is a major part of my exercise regimen at Wellness. With these two pieces of equipment I'm well on my way to realizing a full-scale home gym. This excites me kind of. Dianne has also been researching neighborhood health programs and there is one really close in our community that has not only accessible weight/exercise equipment put a warm water pool and maybe even supports that would allow using the pool but safer than what is available close by in the public sector. If I were to get involved in one of these County programs, that is if they met my requirements for supported physical therapy, I. E. Working out then I would shed a relationship with Wellness/University rehabilitation altogether. This I have to consider more fully...hmmmm?

More to come…

A Teachable Moment

We have been blessed with numerous beautifully perfect autumn days the last few weeks. Each day is beautiful and perfect for being out in my chair, in the community and doing things I like to do. I think I am beginning to let my guard down, beginning to have faith that if I do, there will be no sucker punch . It's just beginning to feel like maybe no sucker.

Friday was beautiful of course and I spent the morning goofing around the house before getting ready for Wellness. I almost went in early having some errands to do before my workout but I dawdled too much.  Dianne drove me to the station and I was pleased to see I was quite on my regular schedule. I did my errands and still had a great time to kill before my three o'clock work. Therefore, I took the moments and wandered through Barnes & Noble on the excuse that I was doing recon for Christmas gifts. Friday was the 25^th, exactly 2 months before the great event.

You know as much as I should hate , big-box stores, and particularly big-box bookstores I don't. I really like Barnes & Noble the book mart, I feel good just being in Barnes & Noble, smelling the coffee, smelling the books and seeing the beautiful people which enhance the store. A fall afternoonin  Barnes & Noble is a fantastic place to spend a few minutes, on a rainy autumn afternoon or stormy winter afternoon Barnes & Noble is a great place to escape from the weather and just be for a moment or two. I even like to nod out sometimes deep within the stores stacks. Today however, I wandered back to the deli/coffee bar and just wondered if the cookies or cookie would be worth the investment. I had stopped earlier at Central Station and got a small order of fries at Carl's Jr. and felt since I didn't have a major lunch I could maybe justify a cookie. The Barnes & Noble Coffee shop has a very nice closed in baked goods window,showing all kinds,pastries.What intrigued me most was the cookies: giant “Dick, Jane and Sally”cookies. The price for these delicacies was two dollars each! I can afford two dollars for cookies I just don't know if I want pay two dollars for a cookie. So I looked and I looked and I look at the cookies. Somewhere along the line I decided I was going to buy the cookie regardless of the price a cookie seemed to be the perfect item for an autumn day waiting for Wellness.

As I stared at the cookies behind the counter there became an influx of people wandering up to the, and getting coffee and other treats which was okay I didn't want to have to make my decision to soon. I wanted to drag out my desire for the cookie. So I continue to look at the cookies not knowing that people were looking at me. As I sat back and let people in before me I noticed a small family: a mom and four boys all probably under four or five or six years of age. They're pretty well mannered I was impressed, they were cute not dressed stylish or fancy but in regular clothes, Tennis shoes jeans, longsleeved shirts under short-sleeved shirts and messy hair. Mom was also dressed accordingly the young upward mobile family out of Barnes & Noble being cool. I was amazed I somehow knew she would not even blink at paying two dollars a cookie plus whatever cost the hot chocolate was. That was cool after all this was Sugarhouse. It seemed this small family took forever to choose, and again that's cool, I was in no hurry. But finally the got their treasures and white wax paper handies and migrated to some empty tables not far from the dinosaur book section. I had made my decision  and it was time to order. Two dollars a cookie unbelievable! I can't think of the cost I just got a do it.

“ I'll have that macadamia nut cookie”, I said trying not to think of the price but trying to act cool. I had already fished out my wallet so I would not have to spend time rummaging through my backpack. I had the change I was ready when the sales girl said something like,” this is already been paid for”.

You know how in the fast pace of life, things happen to get said and no one pays much attention to, sometimes it seems the verbiage is just the lubricant of social interactions. But I had stopped to think and still with my wallet open and my hand ready to dig out dollars I asked again,” two dollars is that correct?”

“ This cookie is already been paid for” the salesgirl said again.

“ Who paid for this?” I said trying not to sound offensive or offended but curious then I realized it must be the lady with four boys. In a few brief seconds I had a major thought storm of how to handle this situation. A few months earlier someone had purchased my lunch, unbeknownst to me, and I'm not above accepting a free lunch now and then, but at the same time I must resist falling from my realms dignity.' I quickly came to resolve,' except the gift you fool this is a two dollar cookie!'

I called over to the small family and thank them for the cookie and the mom said " You're welcome.

I was amazed at how huge this cookie was. This probably was a two dollar cookie of value. Had I been smart I would've purchased a hot cocoa/coffee to go along the cookie but I did not. The cookie was free and I wanted to keep it that way.. As a munched on my cookie I thought about the counter. Was I somebodies teaching moment for the day, and upper-middle-class mom sure your kids be nice to the disabled guy perhaps worse be nice to the disabled bum. Why did she choose me, to look pathetic staring at the cookies behind the counter? Did she think I did not have the money, that I was one those people, pathetic people, who frequent places like Barnes & Noble to get out of the cold or other pieces of ugly weather? You know those hobos that have to take a break from the corners are standing on with their cardboard sign, we wander into Barnes & Noble to use the facilities and watch how other people live for a brief moment it may be spent a few of the hard begged dollars? Or maybe I was somebodies karma generator, someone trying to erase some bad karma. So I figured I'd turn it around and see myself as generating some good karma for myself by being the target of someone else's good intentions. To” roll with it” and doing some good in the world by allowing some good to be done.

The cookie was marvelous.

Dream. Scape

I don't have a recurring dream although I must admit I have dreams that have a reoccurring theme and that kind of worries me. Last night I dreamt, are what I remember dreaming was that I was having difficulty in my volunteer position and seemed to be causing me much stress. It seems so real like dreams do but I was actually sweating what the folks are how the folks at my volunteer site were going to terminate me. Then in a “ ah ha” moment I realized “ I can't be fired!”. I can be asked to leave and not return which I guess would amount to a firing but that the same trauma and fears that would come with being fired from a regular job.

Don't get me wrong I currently really enjoy my volunteer position. I like to work that I am asked to do. What I currrently do is inbound calling basically answering the phone when the next call comes in and try to match the person with their need hopes to help them get off their lives. It is a great chance for me to do good and believe me I need to do good.. I believe doing good..is burn off bad karma. I may be whistling in the dark but this belief makes me feel better. I have written in the past that I like the staff I work with and even the parent organization regardless of their high in the sky “rah.rah” mentality. They are kind of cute. I'm not too pleased with the direction the program seems to be headed but that's not my responsibility or problem. I am a volunteer. I can leave if and when ever I want. The best part more or less is that I can set my own hours. I currently work about 12 to 13 hours a week. I work a full shift on Mondays which is eight hours and then I come in for about two hours on Tuesday. On Tuesday I come in for the beginning of the shift so I'm there by 8:30 AM which means it actually there about 7 AM. This is what I like getting up early riding public transit and being downtown is the beast awakes. The Monday shift goes fast usually in Tuesday's shift just a sneeze in time. But I finish on Tuesday I have my whole week ahead of me it doesn't get better than that.

I have been thinking maybe I should be thinking of something else to do, something else to volunteer. Seriously now I'm thinking about volunteering somewhere else is like a kid in a candy shop what can I do, what should I do, what would be fun to do. I can make choices like that. Oh, I'm not ready to give up my headphones yet at 211 but things are changing I don't like change I don't like cheesy rah rah and I don't like other folks trying to drive my volunteer bus. More about the volunteer bus to come…

Fair Fare

It is not news that I leave for my volunteer post at 211 early in the morning. It's not news that I usually stop at the Starbucks directly behind my bus stop and I count my moments at Starbucks, on these mornings, many times is the high points of my day. I enjoy the experience of being welcomed by committed the building, all the baristas seem to know me and what I want or need or will order. It's kind of fun. I learned over the years now that is difficult to carry out coffee in mygear, A backpack that I carry in front of myself. I place the coffee in one of the pockets of the backpack and I do quite well. I have rarely had problems carry my coffee from Starbucks to 211.

Yesterday morning I woke slowly almost hung over it seemed. I had only had 3 1/2 hours. So I cannot say that I was surprised when I woke up half an hour later than usual. I'm new at this time would affect my travels but I was not worried. I have almost 90 min. built into my early morning schedule which allows me to get to work way before the time I need , In fact I actually laid an extra half an hour in bed knowing I would still be able to get to work on time, Toyota cutting it close, but I would be on time and besides hell, I volunteer! Still I don't want to push my volunteer options. So, it's Tuesday so I get my venti coffee, two pumps of vanilla and whole milk. And I was out waiting for the bus even with the time differential I had only missed by regular bus. Sure enough the 201 inbound was on time but I got on the bus 7:09 AM. I was amused somewhat taken back when the driver asked to see my bus fare when I entered the vehicle. This rarely happens and that's okay. Most drivers act as a seeing my bus pass was the last thing on their minds as they strapped me in for my ride to the train station. But every once in a while there is an eager beaver or I sometimes sense comments are made during report that all drivers will look at bus passes and bus fares on specific days. I don't know? But anyway today this driver let me know if He needed to see my.fare. Now consider a use power chair for mobility I have a backpack rested on my feet I have a large cup of coffee in my hand and Coming board the bus and the driver wants to see my bus pass… Something has to give.You have to get rid of my coffee so I motor my chair to my usual seating area which has the regular seat folded upTo make room for my power chair. What I learned is that on most days I can wedge my cup of coffee in the foldout seat which works just fine. With my free hands I can then dive into my backpack and pull out my bus pass. I don't know what happened yesterday morning but as I was attempting to wedge my cup of coffee into the seat the top exploded in a third of the coffee escaped the Cup And went on to the floor.I was pleased the driver did not lose it on seeing the coffee I think he realized it was his demand to see my bus pass which caused the problem. Still there was some tension. We danced around the issue at the end of the ride both agree that had he been my usual driver and seeing my bus pass at the first of the month he would know that I was good all month for the bus fare and not asked see the document.

The bus driver is the boss. I wish they could be consistent either show the bus pass every time you board and not worry about is more important things to worry about than making sure the poorest of the writers have bus fare.

Eugene and Me

I briefly mentioned yesterday thatI'm in the middle of the scanning project, Scanning hundreds of images into my hard drive in an attempt to organize my computer room and get rid of a lot of the clutter which has plagued me for literally years. The project has proved most tedious. However I plan to continue the effort until I have all the images on the hard drive and organized into some kind of meaningful folders. I can across this image buried deep in one of the folders and brought up lots of old memories..

This image is of myself and a friend of mine, Eugene. We met at the Elks rehabilitation center in Boise Idaho in 1966. We both had broken our necks and were quadriplegic. Eugene was a little older than me maybe about a year. He broke his neck out on a Boy Scout project. He and I were pretty different and our disabilities be in our commonality. Our level of injury was pretty close to the same however I do think Eugene's injury may have been slightly higher than mine his level of functioning was a little less than mine. We ended up hanging out a lot pretty much by default. The only other person who went through rehab at the same time that we did lived in Seattle when he was gone he was gone. So we Ended up hanging out because there was no one else to hang with. But we were pretty much opposites For example I was a Mormon gene was a Roman Catholic I couldn't do anything and Eugene could do anything. He smoked cigarettes, drank beer and did we do to get away with it. Perhaps one of the reasons I put up with Eugene as long as I did as he was my source for tobacco and alcohol it was kind of fun to push Gene to his limits. Eugene sort of acted like a tough guy who probably wasn't BK, Bishop Kelly high school where he attended up to his accident. I don't think he ever went back following is that neck break. But in reality, it probably was because of his spinal cord injury that he pulled into himself and I really think sort of afraid of the whole world. That was a big difference between us. My parents really did not treat me all that different after my disability except that I wasn't able to work as much around the house or was given work around the house. It was pretty much the same. I was expected to continue my rehabilitation at home as well is attending school. Eugene stopped his education, treated his parents poorly in many ways viciously to the point where he basically disowned his parents a year or so after his trauma and relocated to a long-term care facility, old folks home, downtown Boise which I marveled at. Eugene got some kind of settlement of the Boy Scouts lots of money to l led to pretty much what he wanted. Eugene have his own room at Restful manner, truly that was the name of joint. As I said Eugene smoke dope whenever you get it, he was in love with the hippie lifestyle kinda fantasized about being on. Eugene was the only person I knew who had a subscription to the Berkeley Barb. I would visit Eugene once or twice a week. My mom would drop me off after school and my dad picked me up on his way home. We would watch television, order pizza, smoke cigarettes and talk about California and everything else we didn't know anything about. Many times I would just take off after my time Eugene and begin rolling home where either my dad would pick me up for somebody else would pick me up usually take home. Eugene thought I was crazy would never do anything like that that is the difference.

I cannot say Eugene and I were close, I used him as much as he used me ever used each other. As I write this document I'm surprised at how many experiences I remember way more than I thought and way more to put In one posting. It might be a fun project to put some of these thoughts down maybe some stories about some of our adventures. Anyway that's a little more poop on the image above stay tuned.

Judge Not

Friday is one of my Wellness days and usually Wellness is the only thing I have going on Fridays so I busy myself around the house washing dishes, folding clothes and messing around in my computer room. Today I worked on that image to CD project. For the last couple of weeks I have been trying to focus on scanning all the loose photographs I have kicking around my computer room onto the hard drive of the big system. Like most projects I start it seems simple but quickly becomes overwhelming. However I'm committed to the project and force myself to work on the scanning as much as I can. I hope to somehow organize these images into usable groups and burn CDs to distribute to various family members who would be interested mainly my kids.

As usual I got carried away not paying attention to the time and soon realized I had to make haste I would not catch the 12:39 PM bus. At this time of day this bus route runs once an hour so if you miss the bus You have to figure out something to do for the next 60 min. However I made haste threw on some clothes and was out the door and heading to the bus stop. As I neared State Street I heard the thrum of what sounded like rotor blades. I also noticed there was a couple sitting at the bus stop with the stroller piled with all kinds of stuff, seriously looked like belongings of a homeless couple. As I got to the corner I noticed indeed there was rotary blades chopping the air and I could just see helicopter blades spinning above the Starbucks. A chopper was sitting in the parking lot of ShopKo. I was fascinated I even considered missing my bus affected scoot around Starbucks to get myself into the ShopKo parking area check out the chopper. Alas I had to wait for lights and would not change and wouldn't you know the burden lifted off just as I was crossing the street. It's always fascinating to me to watch helicopters lift off in public areas. The chopper climbed turned and was gone heading north to University Hospital. Oh well opportunities lost. Now the couple at the bus stop for having an animated conversation are actually a female of a couple's verbal the abusing her mate are sounded like she was. Both of them were just thrown together they look like in 2013 version of the grapes of wrath. They were very young and she seemed very hostile and I just sort of backed away. There were other folks at the bus stop when one lady seem like a social worker type engaged couple or the girl to which the girl seemed immensely grateful. But I could hear was just that the young girl seemed to know something about the helicopter. I thought it was weird that this is couple had a child in the baby stroller they were paying much attention to the child. These two seem like prime candidates for D C FS, Division of Child and Family Services. Maybe I was just being critical because I have such a problem with folks who use strollers/children to geton the bus or the train take a viable space which was meant for wheelchair folks. I've grown to accept This and usually I don't have much issue with these folks, but it still irks me move. I was trying to keep distant from these two but when the bus came I was taken aback at how helpful they tried to be to me in assisting me on the vehicle. Even if I did not need the help they were going to help me. We broke the ice or should I say they broke the ice. And since I figured they had inside knowledge of the chopper I made small talk.

Well it comes out the chopper was there for them or rather for their baby and nine day old infant that has something wrong with it something so severe that when the medics at the dock in a box around the corner and saw what was going on ordered and life flight to Primary Children's Medical Center. Now, these two were just trying to get to Primary to see what's happening with their kid. I can be so judgmental and I used to be so nonjudgmental I really do need to work on myself.  

Monitoring

Its been almost a week since I put on my cardiac monitor, Electronic box a little bit larger than a pack a cigarettes that hangs off a dongle I must wear around my neck. I cannot say the past week is not been hell but I can't say I have been a hell of a lot more comfortable. But I'm trying to keep an open mind on the whole project and hopefully something good will come out of it.

As you can see the monitor hangs between my boobs—yes I know I have man boobs and that's okay with me I got used to them in fact I kinda like the boobs but that is a entry for another time. I held off putting the monitor on till last Saturday. I really didn't want to wear it, it really intimidated me. I didn't know how it' going to live my life this thing hanging around my neck. But I decide to go with game plan and give it a shot. Dianne and I read up on the system, the monitor comes in the mail like something from Amazon.com. You have to take the monitor out of the box did the batteries in and then call the 800 number to let you guys know that you indeed have the monitor that you are getting ready to crank it up. They walk you through some initial steps to make sure you're broadcasting and that that. You go on with your life if you can. So of course I plan to start wearing the monitor during the weekend so I did a little comfortable with the device come Monday when I headed into work/volunteering. I don't like anything hanging around my neck for a very long and I'm surprised that tolerated this device for a week now. Probably, the biggest issue I have with the monitor is trying not to rip the electrodes off my skin as I get into bed at night. I have to be careful because when I flip myself into bed I usually end up face down i.e. chest down and have to push myself up and onto my side. You see of course with the monitor this is really difficult I landed right on top of the monitor and any move I make seems to jeopardize the leeds but after a couple of days are nights I seem to be doing better the leads are staying on. The other issue is shaving in the morning.. I cannot get moisture on the monitor. So what I have done is to wrap the monitor in a plastic bag( the kind you get from the market, the real filmy plastic). So far this seems to be working however I've noticed some moisture getting into the case so I am now wrapping the monitor in the plastic bag in a towel which seems to work okay. Aside from that everything sort of the same. I wear a shirt or sweater over the monitor and no one seems to notice that's okay by me. It's cool now so I wrap my hood around my body anyway so no one sees the monitor like I said it would be a big deal if they did see the monitor in fact it might be cool. I really haven't told anyone about monitor unless they happen to be on Facebook right bitched about a little bit.

I like to be naked you all know that and this monitor has really cut into my nudity. So you cant be completely naked wearing a monitor and event  if I have the monitor off as I did this morning when I showered for the first time this week, I'm still wearing patches for the leads to click into. It's like I am wearing pasties which seems a little erotic. I'm doing okay I just hope this is worth it.

I Borg

Couple weeks ago, when I was stopping smoking, I was experiencing feelings of anxiety. I don't know if the anxiety is related to the smoking or other events happening in my life such as retirement. There is also the thought that the anxiety might be related to something more nefarious or rooted in my body so I start the process of examining what could be happening in my life that might cause such anxiety. The only thing that raised its ugly head was that I had seen the cardiologist months earlier at the request of my primary medical person. You might remember from reading about the cardio cyst A few months back. Anyway, I sort of became fixated that the events of anxiety are related to the cyst. So I called the cardiologist spoke with his nurse who of course hemmed and hawed and finally said I should come in. Now you got to realize the cardiologist is ancient! Seriously this guy is old but I think he's brilliant in an old guy sort of way. He's old school, he told me to come back for year unless something similar happened and I don't think feelings of anxiety is something to him. I could tell. But anyway the nurse made the appointment for now & last week.

Sure enough Dr. Sheen looked at me like I had three heads which is even stranger two heads. The docor lookd at my file then looked at me then looked at my fileagain and asked me” what are you doing here”? I could tell he thought I was just fine and those as being a little histrionic. He looked at me like his time on this earth a short and he don't need boobs like mw take enough but little precious time he have left. But he paid attention to what I said and especially to what Dianne said Then To pacify me Ordered a CT scan of my heart and then as if to punish me he also ordered that I wear a heart monitor for a month. Who has to wear a heart monitor for a month! A couple days I could see, maybe even a week but sucking month! I mean really I don't see how I could wear the monitor a night time sleep. But I'm going to try to be compliant and see what comes. I think I'm okay and if I can wear the device for couple days or even month I'll get this behind me will see.

Well anyway yesterday was the CT scan. I scheduled the scan for Thursday, that is the day I don't have anything going as far as volunteer or Wellness. I scheduled for 10 o'clock just so I could make it on time and not have to get up too early. I don't know what I was expecting I mean I did this before I thought it was no big deal. But I got to Radiology and was wheeled me in to the CT machine. They took blood! I did know they're going to take blood, the tech said it was to see if my kidneys are working to flush out whatever they use for the contrast. That scared the snot out of me. Then they wanted me to transfer on this little plastic can't that would eventually be shoved inside this giant plasticdonut. I could not transfer they looked at me like I had three heads again.They finally brought in a crew to make the transfer. Then there I was laying on the plastic cot I was scared I was going to have a maximum spasm and throw me off the cot. Well luckily nothing happened oh except when they took the blood hurt like everything but then that's me being a boob. I did get the heating sensation which was weird, and was scared me big time if the tech had not explained the phenomenon to me before hand.

The images turned out great and I should hear back from a cardiologist in a day or so. The heart monitor arrived a couple days ago and so to put it on soon see what happens… I'll let you know