Moving On

It truly has been a bit of a roller coaster week for me. Tuesday I had the UTA thing, The panel be on that I did a video for. I should've realized the video would've been enough but I had the silly feeling our notion that they really wanted me, So I had staff come in early Dianne drove into the Grand America and I sat with the panel and said nothing to an audience of less than 12 people.

Tuesday was a busy day no doubt,, Up early, panel discussion then over to rehab for my physical therapy session and once again Kristen was not there. I don't know if I offended her are exactly what but I have been working with a guy named Ryan. He's okay he's fairly good is not Kristen, he is not nearly as good as Kristen . Perhaps it is because he is a guy, a male, a man And what I found is that on the whole it just get by, do they have to and get on with it where as Female therapists I've had been astoundingly good. Anyway I digress. The weekend it with going in for the fitting for my power chair. The power chair which actually arrived three or four weeks ago and which would not be turned loose to me until the formal fitting. This the first time I've really dealt with such a procedure it I have to admit it was much more intense than I wanted to be. I think the whole thing frightened me a great deal Because the chair that I got is much more sophisticated than I'm used to which scares me I think. For the first time in getting all kinds of weird stuff like pads on the sides of my chair position me up in a more upright position stupid foot boxes on my foot pedals which I doubt will last month but supposedly to keep my feet on the foot pedals but I cannot put any put any pressure on them at all. Essentially I've got a chair for quadriplegic and true I am a quadriplegic but I am a fairly active quadriplegic and I don't want to go the other way and become a less active quadriplegic. The speed is okay it's not as fast as I would like that never can see 8 miles an hour again And I'm okay with that. I don't like to read out on the control box is just the icon of a battery which exemplifies how much power I have left doesn't give me a clear picture in numbers I got left power wise. The chair again, is everything I did not want. I wanted to chair just like my old chair that would give me some here to there and let me do the things I've learned to do and wheelchair. However I did get to cushions and that's going to help a lot.

I am kind of waiting to see if I'm going to get a psychiatric consult. I know Sue and the others think I'm wacko. I swear I almost broke down crying at the fitting because this was so out of control so emblematic of my life right now… I have control of it seems. It almost came to a point right there at the University medical Center in the Department of physical therapy I swear I almost had a breakdown.

I've had the chair now for two or three days and am really trying to be positive and open this chair particularly if it is the only option going to have. I really have to get my other chair repaired since I broke the foot pedal standing on it the day that I got my new chair. So I'm going to have to take the chair back to Create see what they can do. I've got a lot to crunch my life is good be different from here on out I can tell. I can no longer be the guy that I was somewhat in between paraplegic quadriplegic that was able to be totally independent. Now I see nothing my life depends moving slower and a lot more careful. This kind of freaks me out but it's where I am and the sooner I accept this sooner I'm going to be able to move on.