Sometimes
I worry that I may be running out of things to write about. I wish I
could just turn off the computer and just roll away from this blog
sometimes but I can't do it. There's something inside of me which
drives me to write. Part of it is my commitment to journalism – –
no, not the art of recording news items in such – – the daily
examination of a life lived. Again I think there is a difference
between journal and diary but it's pretty close in many ways one can
substitute for the other whereas diary is the liberal document needed
the days events whereas keeping a journal many times actually fleshes
out those daily events with something more meaningful. I hope I have
not run dry of writing about meaningful of events of the days of my
life. I had lunch today with Lori a very close friend of mine and I
shared with her my fear of redundancy, of writing something or about
something which I've already written about before. Nothing frightens
me more in the aging process then repeating myself. I've sat with
enough seniors and other folks were so enamored with themselves and
their lives That they force you to listen to a repeat of their life
event. I have noticed a couple times that's happened to me. I can see
it in people's eyes when I start to tell a story that they've already
heard. Many times they go ahead and let me repeat the story just out
of politeness however there are couple who I feel I guess they feel
comfortable enough to the point they could just tell me you are you
heard that story – – maybe comfort has nothing to do with their
confrontational behavior they just don't want to have to sit through
it again. I cannot fault them for that I know exactly how it feels. I
have a friend upstairs at this apartment complex he's an okay guy is
even older than I am. He's had a very interesting life he's been a
surgical nurse among other things has many great stories to tell but
sadly he's also a member of the local culture which means he believes
he's a member of the one and only true church. Steve kind of blends
the mythology of his church with his pathological dependency on
conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theories and a belief in
extraterrestrial visitations and realities. I would not be so bad if
Steve is not so predictable. I suppose what I'm witnessing is just
one more form of the aging process and how it reveals itself to the
person on the outside. And I am therefore hypervigilant to make sure
that I am not going overboard with what I feel is important in my
life that I feel other people must hear.
So
I totally believe in doing the Journal/blog to keep a record of my
life and how I've lived. I don't think anyone cares, not really and
that's okay I can accept that but what is important to me is that for
someone who is perhaps, one day, trying to find references to this
point in time hopefully this blog will survive and maybe help
document the lost civilization and that's using the term loosely…
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