I was up early today not by design I just couldn't sleep. I woke up around 4 AM but never really got back to sleep. So I've kind of been dragging all day not that I had a whole lot to do anyway. Went to coffee at the little coffee shop across the street this morning with one of the folks here named Janet as well as Marsha. Billie was also one of the 1st members of this little group but she continues to linger on deathwatch. I kind of think that's part of the reason for my sleep issues as I'm worried about her and her transition. I spoke briefly with her granddaughter Kristin this afternoon and said that at this stage she's just basically comatose in trying to keep her comfortable. I think she's on so much morphine at this point she's probably gone and doesn't even know yet. It's really strange however I hear weird noises coming from that apartment to muster some super death chortle or something. There seems to be a lot of folks over there which I believe are family members of the hospice crew, those folks that are referees in the endgame call the game when it's over. I wish there is more that I could do Billie sol nice I think she just needs to be released someone needs to tell her it's okay to go we will somehow look after ourselves without old Billie around.
I wish that they had been warmer. I didn't even get to the market today figuring I had everything I needed to get through till Monday. A really at a stage where I'm almost going to start fasting until Monday morning maybe just ingested liquids from Saturday till Monday except for of course breakfast on Sunday mornings with Mark Anthony, Jasmine and Jackson when he comes. That way hopefully I will be in the state were feeling like I'm going to poop in a 2nd and not have to have Mark Anthony sling me up on the toilet on Sunday. It's nice that he will do that and he can do that but I just rather not have to have him do that all the time – – as yet. I was so naïve. This whole end-of-life doing this kind of interesting on weird levels now I saw how Michelle took care of her mother at the end of her life. I really didn't see that but is sensed that was happening but not witnessing it must've been quite intense just knowing how much Mark Anthony has helped me so far. If I'm fortunate to stay in this apartment complex for as long as I possibly can whether I'm using more home help time as well as Mark Anthony when he can I'm just amazed. This is the only reason we have children so they can take care of us of our elder years? I would hate to think that was the case specially when you go into the process of having the kids. Perhaps that was the 1st aforethought maybe would treat the kids a lot better now and will be treating us in our elder years. Quite fascinated by sit and think about it but I don't like to think about it too often were too much. I could see and I would not be surprised if we moved in together at some point in time (if he doesn't get married or something in between). That would certainly assist in the endgame process. I would have to make some definite decisions just on what I would be willing to do. Certainly might be a better alternative to long-term care institutionally speaking. Kind of interesting thoughts for Saturday night on the day that I didn't do anything except movies…
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