Self Doubt

I'm coming up on the conclusion of my first month living out on my own. bills will be coming too and I have to admit I'm a little freaked out. I just hope I have enough funding coming in to cover what I have out. I think I do, at this point in time if my benefits come in as expected. Yesterday in an explosion of proaction I called my provider home health providers ie attendants and ask what's the monthly statement would read. I was pleased to find the total  with in my budget. I see if I need to endure a few of these kinds of months so I can get a Baseline of what my life's going to be at least financially.

I was Ill this week at one time running a temperature can coughing significantly and not sleeping through the night. In those Quiet Moments, in the middle of the night, I was getting kinda spooked at the idea of not being able to take care of myself or my life. I just cannot seem to keep my apartment clean. I've dropped things everywhere,thee carpet is toast. I hope to vacation today a little. I am terrified at having to give up my chair for repair. I don't have a backup, not really. I thought I was going to be able to use my manual  in chair but I don't thinik this going to really work. I am not a young man anymore. I don't think I could really ever keep house. I think I always needed some sort of maide a backup of some sort. I may still have to figure out something like that if I plan to stay living independently. I'm hoping most of those thoughts were propagated by the illness and the fact I was alone on a typically family loaded day. Although, I do tend to keep away from these events as far as I can still. I had my night staff leave the vacuum cleaner out and plugged in in the hopes of me actually running it over the carpet a little bit today. Typical Tuesday morning meeting cancelled leaving me home slash in the apartment. I'm actually feeling pretty good and trying to keep from going out in the cold but if I have to I can deal without problem.  I am cooking today my unit reeks of onion and garlic... I love it.