High Probability Of Snow

Today is Christmas Eve I am amazed to find myself in my own apartment, divorced and trying to get by. I tend to think I'm doing okay but still I feel paranoid time to time, waiting for sucker Punch come out nowhere and Roundhouse me down to the mats. I seem to be living here – – actually I am kind of proud of myself for going to the mailbox everyday and digging out my mail and actually opening the documents as they come.. I don't like doing this but I'm forcing myself. I really hate EOBs(Explanation Of Benefits). I love the way they always write on the top of the document “This is not a bill”. Yeah so? It shows you what the not been a cover which means there's a bill out there with your name on it you just have got it yet. But I know it's coming it's just a matter of time. I used to live in denial and just throw these documents away. Then there's the never ending parade of federal documents mostly from Medicare about like anything. Most of these documents are benign but you have to be tense like when the dentist drilling on your head and you are novocained into oblivion but you still don't relax fear the dentist will drill through the barrier of numbness. I know the second out of my guard down at the mailbox Bam Pow thereyou go down to the mats..

I dropped off a Christmas gift to the R A – – resident advisor – – who of course asked me what I was doing for Christmas and I told her “nothing”.. And I got to thinking that's pretty much been the case for the last couple years. Dianne usually went over to the kids place on Christmas Eve and spent the night. I assume that's what she's doing this year. I got a couple halfhearted invitations but there still is the problem of getting me into where ever I might be invited. I'm okay with being home Christmas. I went to the market yesterday and got a fine roast. I'm kind of excited about cooking the meat up.I might even bake something cake, cookies or roles that come in a container.. I could do anything. I must admit I have a little bit of CEE (Christmas Eve Envy)I think I might be a little jealous of people and places to go and things to do on Christmas eve. Catholics have midnight mass usually after a family dinner/party. My old buddy Dr. McIntyre always had a great party at his home on Christmas Eve. We even tried to have parties at my home When I was growing up with Our neighborhood and even the extended family which was kind of okay. And once, on the first Christmas of the first marriage, we had a midnight dinner on Christmas Eve with all of our old roommates  and is one of the best memories I have of the holidays.

I kind of like the feel of Christmas Eve – – I kind of wish I'd gone to the liquor store and got some vodka or gin to have one drink over the holiday but I think too late now. It's raining is a high probability of snow…